Tragic Football Stories - Let us Kick Around the misshapen Jabulani that is English football right here

it's easy to snipe from the sidelines

i mean look at rafa............

nothing against hargreavres and rodwell btw

cattermole is just a cunt

hargreaves snapped in half trying to pick up his injury file, let's be real

tragic story of english football is the first red card of season book....first half dozen names are usually all english

is a possibility, ideally we'd have a good long-term replacement for hargreaves (rodwell? cattermole? lol)

dude i provided the lol caveat

rodwell is proper player

lol applied only to cattermole, do the rhetorical math

well then the brackets shouldn't have been around both of em iirc

oh i understood

(nakhchivan + darraghmac) / (cattermole - rodwell) = scorchedearth.jpg

(Rodwell, Cattermole)lol = lol rodwell, lol cattermole

what you wanted is

rodwell, (cattermole, lol)

dammit beaten to the xp by my tardy factorisation, mrs quigley had me well spotted for a dunce in second year i fear

no, (rodwell + cattermole x lol) = rodwell + catterlol (soz for the a hoy hoy)

(rodwell + cattermole) x lol = england for the next 6 years

the serial question mark suggests the following clause would refer to last item only, otherwise x, x? would be used

this henderson kid tho

proper player or new gareth barry/?

(henderson + cattermole) x (chelsea - lampard) = ?!

henderson's assist for gyan when he tricked his way down the wing and put in a brilliant cross is a surefire sign for me that using him as anything but a roaming attacking midfielder would be a terrible waste, he is nothing like Barry for he has close control, pace and lampardian burst boxwards

most of all, his mentality is to create goalscoring chances and not 'contain' - horribly misused vs france

against chelsea he defended by using possession positively and forcing chelsea out of shape

'dynamism'

'lampardian burst' surely a stomach wall malady

yeah i reckon henderson's gonna be better than barry but that's not saying much

england the natural home of roaming attacking midfielders iirc

what could possibly go wrong there

the trick is turning them into roaming space-filling diffusions of mercury - when an englishman roams, it tends to be with rhinocerine charges

yeah le tiss of the 18 caps was a fucking lumpfoot of the highest order it's troo it's troo

you and your kin all know that he is a whopping great silken-toed anomaly

first dropped points and it would be off with the luxury player's head, and barry would be grafted back in. cos he grafts, the boy. making basic shit look difficult = grafting in england international midfieldery parlance.

le tiss, gazza (ok, utilised correctly for a change, but then remember that when this was the case ye were actually pretty fukn good), scholes, ????

who's gonna line up for that 'stick him on the left, e's a good ployer e'll work it out' role?

you make a good point, but barry is not an attacking mf so you have strayed off-topic like a gerrard punt

prob add j cole, maybe lampard to the end of that list actually. criminally undervalued in successive england teams that needed more honest effort and a little less ball control.

also, jason wilcox obv

haha am now wondering whether paul merson could have been all that

yeah it's true i'm all sermon and no instruction manual tonight.

tho tbh this is all stemming from your contention that j henderson should be a floating attacking midfielder, so tbh it's all net mfer

merse, absolutely.

that is what j henderson was v chelsea, albeit with positional discipline when not in possession

yeah but what i'm sayin is when have england ever shown beagán píosa grá for such a role, regardless of the availability of suitable candidates

hence 'when an englishman roams, it tends' - i speak of a tendency and one that jack wilshere and his merrie men will hopefully challenge. if arsenal's youth setup turns england good i will stop mocking a hoy hoy forever, maybe

none of the players i have listed have tended towards rhinocerine- they just weren't picked because of their meandering grazing patterns.

well, you said they were exceptions!

we're going in circles like an aaron lennon sortie

nope, i said that gazza was the exception in that he was tolerated in such a role- and england prospered.

course lennon goes in circles, he's only got one foot

beagán píosa grá

wtf is this, you're in an England topic ya bas. not that i'm english.

scholes should be on about 120 caps of being played in the wrong position by now.

one must search wherever one can for le juste mot imo

i've prob ordered that wrong innit, lol 20 hours sleep since saturday

pretty sure it's le mot juste. though i know this mostly from sideshow bob.

i'm a broken man myself, mostly because i just came from a party with much baffling nudity and headstands.

god it's never ILTMI when you want it to be.