rolling thread for chronicling the misadventures of dwight howard, nba center

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http://s23.postimage.org/iltmaaajv/Picture_112.jpg

brimstead, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 03:56 (six years ago) link

thesis statement, for posterity: http://deadspin.com/5958111/deadspin-nba-shit-list-dwight-howard-the-superman-of-unfunny

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 04:02 (six years ago) link

Instead, he says the exchange had to do with confusion over whether it was supposed to be him or Blake Griffin involved with a play.

“Pop was diagramming a play for me, and then as he showed us what to do he kept saying, ‘Blake,’” Howard said according to the LA Times. “So Blake and I are confused, but he keeps saying Blake, so Blake takes off his jersey and goes into the game.

“Pop sees me and wants to know why I’m not in the game running the play, so I tell him he kept saying Blake so Blake went in. He wasn’t swearing at me.”

kind of lol mostly sad

乒乓, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 12:38 (six years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/XL0nbCP.png

乒乓, Thursday, 28 February 2013 17:05 (six years ago) link

media quotes dwight, diwght accuses media of twisting his words http://www.latimes.com/sports/basketball/nba/lakers/la-sp-lakers-fyi-20130307,0,5226872.story

lag∞n, Thursday, 7 March 2013 14:11 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

http://espn.go.com/los-angeles/nba/story/_/id/9099510/dwight-howard-los-angeles-lakers-vows-payback-play-golden-state-warriors-david-lee

"He got away with a shot," Howard said, according to Yahoo! Sports. "I will remember this game. I will remember that shot. He said he wasn't trying to do it. You can look at the play and see it for yourself. I will take care of it later."

Spottie_Ottie_Dope, Tuesday, 26 March 2013 16:16 (six years ago) link

"I can shoot the ball from anywhere. I've just got to have confidence in myself," Howard said.

moullet, Wednesday, 27 March 2013 02:13 (six years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/5K6eTCL.png

乒乓, Tuesday, 2 April 2013 16:08 (six years ago) link

resonable

lag∞n, Tuesday, 2 April 2013 16:08 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

http://i.imgur.com/nNUpbLw.jpg

乒乓, Thursday, 18 April 2013 02:44 (six years ago) link

he dances, he is so funny

Z S up HOOS down (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Thursday, 18 April 2013 02:46 (six years ago) link

that picture is kinda perfect w the fish eye, looks like hes pulling reality in

lag∞n, Friday, 19 April 2013 02:01 (six years ago) link

I hope everyone saw Dwights pregame speech from yesterdays game!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kBsnkavkA0

Z S up HOOS down (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Friday, 19 April 2013 02:29 (six years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR46eRds0xo

Clay, Monday, 29 April 2013 03:23 (six years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJ8N95LIrk8

Clay, Monday, 29 April 2013 03:24 (six years ago) link

we really need to get a lip reader on that

lag∞n, Monday, 29 April 2013 18:29 (six years ago) link

Hohotat 9 hours ago
I read his lips. He yelled at Mitch: "Dont put your hands on me like somebodys bit$#h,,,,

am0n, Monday, 29 April 2013 19:34 (six years ago) link

yo

lag∞n, Monday, 29 April 2013 23:39 (six years ago) link

nah

'scuse me while i make the sky cum (k3vin k.), Monday, 29 April 2013 23:41 (six years ago) link

i love that the youtube cut ends w/ a split second of kobe being all 'smh'

乒乓, Monday, 29 April 2013 23:41 (six years ago) link

three weeks pass...

http://i.imgur.com/dskaYF0.png

乒乓, Tuesday, 21 May 2013 17:59 (six years ago) link

"misutilized"??

what the fuck.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 21 May 2013 18:04 (six years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Dwight Howard to voice cartoon turkey in time-traveling turkey movie

Two turkeys from opposite sides of the tracks must put aside their differences and team up to travel back in time to change the course of history - and get turkey off the holiday menu for good.

Clay, Saturday, 15 June 2013 01:18 (six years ago) link

dwight is a genuinely weird dude

lag∞n, Monday, 1 July 2013 04:13 (six years ago) link

weird dude energy

乒乓, Monday, 1 July 2013 04:47 (six years ago) link

Please please please don't go to the Warriors

polyphonic, Wednesday, 3 July 2013 23:08 (six years ago) link

warriors could be a contender w dwight man

lag∞n, Wednesday, 3 July 2013 23:24 (six years ago) link

dwight should go to cbs on wednesdays at 8:30, do something family-friendly, follow his bliss.

Clay, Wednesday, 3 July 2013 23:26 (six years ago) link

dwight's a jesus dude, iirc, mark jackson might be able to get him to harness his talent more effectively.

brimstead, Wednesday, 3 July 2013 23:28 (six years ago) link

dwight has harnessed his talent extremely effectively up to this point

lag∞n, Wednesday, 3 July 2013 23:29 (six years ago) link

dwight's a jesus dude w/ 8 children by 8 diff't women iirc

Clay, Wednesday, 3 July 2013 23:30 (six years ago) link

dwight thread needs every post to begin with 'dwight'

Clay, Wednesday, 3 July 2013 23:31 (six years ago) link

aldwight, is how its going so far

lag∞n, Wednesday, 3 July 2013 23:32 (six years ago) link

@MySportsLegion: A Houston adult store is offering Dwight Howard free condoms for life if he signs with the Rockets.”

乒乓, Thursday, 4 July 2013 02:07 (six years ago) link

there's something he actually needs

call all destroyer, Thursday, 4 July 2013 02:13 (six years ago) link

haha

Shock G Mo Collier (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Thursday, 4 July 2013 02:13 (six years ago) link

@WojYahooNBA Holed away in Colorado, the Lakers are still prominent in Dwight Howard's mind, sources tell Y! Rockets remain strong, Warriors lurking.

what's happening here in this tweet, it weirds me out

Clay, Friday, 5 July 2013 16:17 (six years ago) link

the poetic woj

call all destroyer, Friday, 5 July 2013 17:12 (six years ago) link

what r the lakers doing in colorado, not the best state for them

lag∞n, Friday, 5 July 2013 17:27 (six years ago) link

some nice lakes there

http://www.mountainlake.com/mlp/scenes3/duchar21.jpg

call all destroyer, Friday, 5 July 2013 17:28 (six years ago) link

true

lag∞n, Friday, 5 July 2013 17:30 (six years ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BOZYISqCAAErO9b.jpg

call all destroyer, Friday, 5 July 2013 19:13 (six years ago) link

That looks like he's making the world bleed.

Stately, plump Carey Mulleeegan (Leee), Friday, 5 July 2013 19:14 (six years ago) link

he is, basically

call all destroyer, Friday, 5 July 2013 19:16 (six years ago) link

dwight is gonna play for the los angeles flying bloody horse bridges

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT TO PROVE IT (m bison), Friday, 5 July 2013 19:24 (six years ago) link

The Wounded Bridge Pegasi?

Stately, plump Carey Mulleeegan (Leee), Friday, 5 July 2013 19:35 (six years ago) link

steph curry is like, "dwight, its pegasUS not pegaYOU" *storms off, breaks both legs*

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT TO PROVE IT (m bison), Friday, 5 July 2013 19:38 (six years ago) link

lol ur imagination frightens me, or, Why Do The Warriors' Fortunes Always Depend On A Fragile Point Guard?

Stately, plump Carey Mulleeegan (Leee), Friday, 5 July 2013 19:43 (six years ago) link

Been some twitter drama but...

@woj

Nevertheless, multiple sources tell Y! Sports Howard has chosen the Rockets but is still finalizing details of agreement.

Clay, Friday, 5 July 2013 22:18 (six years ago) link

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU KOBE!!!!!

Mr. Snrub, Saturday, 6 July 2013 00:01 (six years ago) link

kobe will live i'm sure

balls, Saturday, 6 July 2013 00:36 (six years ago) link

if u call that living

TALK TO THE HAND CUZ THE FACE DON'T WANNA HEAR IT (m bison), Saturday, 6 July 2013 00:44 (six years ago) link

@SportsCenter: UPDATE: A source has told ESPN that Dwight Howard has "changed his mind." Howard has told Lakers he's now 50-50.

EZ Snappin, Saturday, 6 July 2013 01:56 (six years ago) link

^ AMAZING DEVELOPMENT ^

Clay, Saturday, 6 July 2013 01:57 (six years ago) link

these netw3rl tweets from a couple days ago becoming prescient:

2032: a tall man, clad in bearskins, carrying a moose leg club, climbs down out of the Rocky Mountains. "I have decided," said Dwight Howard

Brushing twigs from his beard, he spoke: "After much reflection, I've decided to...god, what was it? Shit. What were the teams again?"

Then he was slaughtered for meat by the mutants that now populated the western states of what was once America.

Clay, Saturday, 6 July 2013 01:59 (six years ago) link

lmao dwight never change

TALK TO THE HAND CUZ THE FACE DON'T WANNA HEAR IT (m bison), Saturday, 6 July 2013 02:02 (six years ago) link

This whole thing has just been the worst.

ω (carne asada), Saturday, 6 July 2013 02:15 (six years ago) link

but kinda awesome

Shock G Mo Collier (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Saturday, 6 July 2013 02:17 (six years ago) link

dude I'm a lifelong laker fan and like the only one here. Not awesome at all bro

ω (carne asada), Saturday, 6 July 2013 02:22 (six years ago) link

oh yeah sorry man! good entertainment for the rest of us but yeah sorry. Sounds like y'all still have a shot at him.

"He changed his mind," the source said. "Hey, he's Dwight. What can you say."

The source said Howard had a possible change of heart because of the extra $30 million he would be leaving on the table if he signs with Houston.

"It's hard to walk away from $30 million," a source close to Howard told ESPNLosAngeles.com. "Harder than we thought."

Shock G Mo Collier (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Saturday, 6 July 2013 02:24 (six years ago) link

Los Angeles issued a statement saying that Howard informed Kupchak of his decision "to not return to the Lakers."

Clay, Saturday, 6 July 2013 02:39 (six years ago) link

stealing this from another board but it's amazing:

Los Angeles Lakers:
One-Year Rental on Dwight Howard
One-Year Rental on Earl Clark
One-Year Rental on Chris Duhon

Philadelphia 76ers:
One-Year Rental on Andrew Bynum (Did Not Play)
Jason Richardson (Played 33 Games)

Denver Nuggets:
One-Year Rental on Andre Iguodala

Orlando Magic:
Arron Afflalo
One-Year Rental on Al Harrington (Played 10 Games)
Josh McRoberts (Traded for Hakim Warrick then Waived)
Nikola Vucevic
Moe Harkless
Christian Eyenga (Immediately Waived)
Romero Osby (Denver 2013 Second Round Pick)
Philadelphia Conditional First Round Pick
Denver/New York 2014 First Round Pick
Los Angeles 2015 Conditional Second Round Pick
Los Angeles 2017 Top-5 Protected First Round Pick

call all destroyer, Saturday, 6 July 2013 02:43 (six years ago) link

this Laker fan told me he was happy about this cuz they now have a shit ton of cap space. can't wait to see his reaction when he realizes this isn't true until summer of 2014.

Neanderthal, Saturday, 6 July 2013 03:11 (six years ago) link

Well no shit

ω (carne asada), Saturday, 6 July 2013 03:19 (six years ago) link

what do they do now?

Shock G Mo Collier (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Saturday, 6 July 2013 03:23 (six years ago) link

not a whole hell of a lot

call all destroyer, Saturday, 6 July 2013 03:25 (six years ago) link

go 39-43

call all destroyer, Saturday, 6 July 2013 03:25 (six years ago) link

amnesty kobe

call all destroyer, Saturday, 6 July 2013 03:26 (six years ago) link

fire sale pau and nash for picks?

Shock G Mo Collier (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Saturday, 6 July 2013 03:27 (six years ago) link

hahaha kobe unfollowed dwight on twitter

frogbs, Saturday, 6 July 2013 04:03 (six years ago) link

does anyone on the planet not hate dwight at this point

i wanna be a gabbneb baby (Hungry4Ass), Saturday, 6 July 2013 04:06 (six years ago) link

Recap of tonight's events:
http://i.imgur.com/OFmwkzM.gif

frogbs, Saturday, 6 July 2013 04:10 (six years ago) link

xpost shaq probably thinks it's hilarious

Neanderthal, Saturday, 6 July 2013 04:10 (six years ago) link

lol frogbs

Shock G Mo Collier (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Saturday, 6 July 2013 04:12 (six years ago) link

go 39-43

wouldn't be a huge drop off from last year if they pull this off.

Clay, Saturday, 6 July 2013 04:13 (six years ago) link

yeah they will be way worse than that. No one on that team is getting any better

Shock G Mo Collier (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Saturday, 6 July 2013 04:16 (six years ago) link

they could win 43 if they resort to Home Alone pranks at each home game....

Neanderthal, Saturday, 6 July 2013 04:20 (six years ago) link

wonder if Dwight will take those guys up on the free condoms

Clay, Saturday, 6 July 2013 05:29 (six years ago) link

I heard that is what put him over the top for the decision

Shock G Mo Collier (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Saturday, 6 July 2013 05:40 (six years ago) link

haha that summery of last years Dwight trade I was super convinced Orlando got screwed lmao

lag∞n, Saturday, 6 July 2013 08:16 (six years ago) link

everyone was!

call all destroyer, Saturday, 6 July 2013 12:26 (six years ago) link

“It was on the Fourth of July,” Howard said. “That’s when I felt it was Houston. I was in Colorado. It seemed like every person that I met was from Houston. It was just so ironic. I’d walk around. Someone would ask for a picture. They’d give me a business card and it would say Houston on it. I was like, “Is everybody in Colorado from Houston right now?’ It was unbelievable. “I was like, ‘You know what, this has to be from God."

how much u wanna bet morey paid a bunch of locals and gave them fake business cards to give to dwight

TALK TO THE HAND CUZ THE FACE DON'T WANNA HEAR IT (m bison), Sunday, 7 July 2013 02:02 (six years ago) link

also, dwight, everyone u met in colorado is from texas because that is where texans vacation in the summers. right now it is 4 billion degrees in houston plus 72000% humidity, it feels like satan ripped an endless burp in your face #fuckhoustonbtw

TALK TO THE HAND CUZ THE FACE DON'T WANNA HEAR IT (m bison), Sunday, 7 July 2013 02:03 (six years ago) link

"It was just so ironic."

worldstar (am0n), Monday, 8 July 2013 15:06 (six years ago) link

also, dwight, everyone u met in colorado is from texas because that is where texans vacation in the summers. right now it is 4 billion degrees in houston plus 72000% humidity, it feels like satan ripped an endless burp in your face #fuckhoustonbtw

― TALK TO THE HAND CUZ THE FACE DON'T WANNA HEAR IT (m bison), Saturday, July 6, 2013 10:03 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

otm

i wanna be a gabbneb baby (Hungry4Ass), Monday, 8 July 2013 15:14 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

i cant believe chandler was cheating on lin

“I think I had a big impact,” Parsons said at USA Basketball’s mini-camp. “The first thing he said at the press conference was that, ‘You guys should thank Chandler Parsons because he is a big reason why I am here.’

“Obviously, he loves the team, [general manager] Daryl Morey, coach [Kevin] McHale and all that. But I think I just gave him that comfort that you got one of your boys here who is also a key part to the team, a young guy. And we can grow on this for a long time.”

“I spent a lot of time during the summer in L.A.,” Parsons said. “We kind of just hit it off. We literally would text every day. He’d call me at 8 p.m. with a question and then he’d call me at midnight with the same question. I respect the way he handled [his free agency]. He took his time and weighed all his options.

“I was just that guy trying to make him feel as comfortable as possible. We have very similar personalities. We are both outgoing. We’re always smiling. We like to have fun. I made him really comfortable that he was not only coming to a really good team, but a team with his friends on it.”

moullet, Saturday, 27 July 2013 06:15 (six years ago) link

is cheating!!!

moullet, Saturday, 27 July 2013 06:16 (six years ago) link

He’d call me at 8 p.m. with a question and then he’d call me at midnight with the same question.

lol

lag∞n, Saturday, 27 July 2013 11:17 (six years ago) link

chandler went on a twitter rant that he could not post on facebook that he is in an open polyamorous relationship and it totally makes sense now

neil degrasse (m bison), Saturday, 27 July 2013 12:22 (six years ago) link

three months pass...

sort of sad at declining dwight tbh http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/9997968/the-rockets-approach-nba-finals-worthy

lag∞n, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 20:19 (five years ago) link

man asik seems like a big baby, very unchill

twist boat veterans for stability (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 19 November 2013 20:28 (five years ago) link

he has some of the worst on court body language ever fwiw

lag∞n, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 20:30 (five years ago) link

def

kelvin sampson very candid about harden's defense

twist boat veterans for stability (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 19 November 2013 20:33 (five years ago) link

ugh lowe's little captions just write about basketball dude ahhhh

twist boat veterans for stability (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 19 November 2013 20:39 (five years ago) link

u r not funny!!!

twist boat veterans for stability (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 19 November 2013 20:39 (five years ago) link

Where are the captions

乒乓, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 20:43 (five years ago) link

haha remember when writers were allowed to be not funny rip journalism

lag∞n, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 21:00 (five years ago) link

Ah

乒乓, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 21:02 (five years ago) link

Haven't gotten that far yet

乒乓, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 21:02 (five years ago) link

Does he still call Toronto the drakes. Is he still trying to create that meme

乒乓, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 21:03 (five years ago) link

i'l have to keep an eye out for that Beverley butt screen...

i didnt watch a whole lot of howard before he left orlando (mostly i remember him getting owned by yao) but i think so far he's basically a slightly improved version of asik with better hands and an ability to finish (sometimes) around the rim.

ryan, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 21:10 (five years ago) link

Aw you're too kind

乒乓, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 21:11 (five years ago) link

hahaha

ryan, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 21:20 (five years ago) link

"Ball (which does not lie)" like c'mon dude there isn't even anything resembling a joke here, cio.

Clay, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 21:26 (five years ago) link

OK just got to the captions. Wow k3v is right these are terrible

http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2013/1118/evans_reggie_3_g_mp_576.jpg

乒乓, Wednesday, 20 November 2013 20:27 (five years ago) link

Smh zowe.

Spottie, Wednesday, 20 November 2013 23:43 (five years ago) link

Not only are they not funny but they are so so ugly and badly formatted

polyphonic, Thursday, 21 November 2013 00:08 (five years ago) link

"during a timeout in the second quarter Wednesday, Vince Carter interrupted Howard’s one-sided discussion with an official to loudly and repeatedly tell the Rockets center that he was “the biggest crybaby I know.”

“All the time,” Carter said of Howard’s whining to officials. “He always talks about how I’m a crybaby. I was like, ‘Yo, you’re the biggest crybaby I know.’ And then later, he’s like, ‘Yo, why’d you say that to me?’ But I know Dwight. It’s all good, but he is a crybaby."

a character named Daryl Wade (Clay), Thursday, 21 November 2013 19:19 (five years ago) link

loll

lag∞n, Thursday, 21 November 2013 19:20 (five years ago) link

I love "yo, why'd you say that to me" so much, just pitch perfect dwight.

a character named Daryl Wade (Clay), Thursday, 21 November 2013 19:36 (five years ago) link

http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_assets/1944043/824941236.gif

Clay, Saturday, 30 November 2013 19:14 (five years ago) link

Oops

http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_assets/1944043/824941236.gif

Clay, Saturday, 30 November 2013 19:14 (five years ago) link

who's the poor sap who has to be the fatality victim?

call all destroyer, Sunday, 1 December 2013 01:16 (five years ago) link

gotta give it up for the head wobble from that guy tho

Clay, Sunday, 1 December 2013 02:15 (five years ago) link

That was Aaron Brooks

ryan, Sunday, 1 December 2013 02:35 (five years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxkM3_4CsfU

lag∞n, Monday, 9 December 2013 22:55 (five years ago) link

Imagine Bosh and Howard in a room sitting at computers trying to code

Bosh compiling furiously while Dwight tries to make pencils get stuck in the ceiling

乒乓, Monday, 9 December 2013 22:57 (five years ago) link

Teach a homeless guy to shoot free throws

polyphonic, Monday, 9 December 2013 22:57 (five years ago) link

var funnyPrank = function() {

Clay, Monday, 9 December 2013 23:01 (five years ago) link

Dr. Cate Shanahan, in a fascinating feature by CBS Sports’ Ken Berger, described her shock at Howard’s alarming levels of glucose in his system, telling CBS that she became concerned because Howard’s sluggish play and blood work “reminded me of patients who have pre-diabetes and neurological problems because of how sugar impacts the nervous system.” A subsequent blood test revealed frightening amounts of glucose in his system.

Clay, Wednesday, 11 December 2013 22:15 (five years ago) link

"Skittles just sent me 30 pounds of Skittles."
i think their marketing guy is a bit fucked up

Crazy that the Lakers have basically had two sugar addicts play for them within the last 5 years

乒乓, Wednesday, 11 December 2013 22:29 (five years ago) link

there was another story the other day regarding players' diets. i don't get how these guys (ie. massive investments for teams) aren't being educated on this and fed decently 24/7 (better than candy and soda at least).

fit and working again, Thursday, 12 December 2013 03:10 (five years ago) link

dude played beside steve nash, no way he didn't hear 'hey maybe eat something besides cotton candy for dinner tonight' at least once

balls, Thursday, 12 December 2013 03:20 (five years ago) link

haa the photo they used to illustrate that story is so perfect

lag∞n, Thursday, 12 December 2013 15:37 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/jgvOFix.png
i ate so much caaaanday

lag∞n, Thursday, 12 December 2013 15:39 (five years ago) link

His body-fat percentage -- hovering around 5-6 percent his entire career -- dropped to 3 percent, he said.

lol he would be ded

lag∞n, Thursday, 12 December 2013 15:40 (five years ago) link

Skittles was probably still delivering 30 pound bags of candy for Lamar and Dwight probably just came into the mail room one day and said "what's that"

乒乓, Thursday, 12 December 2013 15:42 (five years ago) link

wonder if lamar was ever hey dwight you like sugar a lot huh me too man you know what you might be really into tho here check out some of this rock cocaine

lag∞n, Thursday, 12 December 2013 15:44 (five years ago) link

there was another story the other day regarding players' diets. i don't get how these guys (ie. massive investments for teams) aren't being educated on this and fed decently 24/7 (better than candy and soda at least).

― fit and working again, Wednesday, December 11, 2013 10:10 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

Stevie Franchise used to only eat fast food hamburgers and fries

乒乓, Thursday, 12 December 2013 15:46 (five years ago) link

It's crazy how these guys can basically eat anything they want and still function as world class athletes

Me, I go one hot dog over my limit and I gotta go to sleep

乒乓, Thursday, 12 December 2013 15:47 (five years ago) link

yeah when you burn calories like these guys do you can get away with a lot of bad eating choices for a while but eventually i feel like it catches up with you

call all destroyer, Thursday, 12 December 2013 15:48 (five years ago) link

when i was younger i could def just eat whatever and run all around

lag∞n, Thursday, 12 December 2013 15:49 (five years ago) link

dunk off one foot, everything

lag∞n, Thursday, 12 December 2013 15:49 (five years ago) link

Yeah I think my body just doesn't want to burn calories

Like back when I used to run for 'fitness' I'd load up on pasta the night before to have energy but it just made me feel sluggish and sleepy the next day

乒乓, Thursday, 12 December 2013 15:49 (five years ago) link

i feel pretty lousy after eating pasta nowadays, too many damn carbs

call all destroyer, Thursday, 12 December 2013 15:53 (five years ago) link

amare is my inspiration, apparently he just eats salads and raw broccoli florets all the time these days,

do a formal proof or w/e (brimstead), Thursday, 12 December 2013 17:52 (five years ago) link

hope hes getting some protein

lag∞n, Thursday, 12 December 2013 17:53 (five years ago) link

there was another story the other day regarding players' diets. i don't get how these guys (ie. massive investments for teams) aren't being educated on this and fed decently 24/7 (better than candy and soda at least).

― fit and working again, Wednesday, December 11, 2013 10:10 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

Stevie Franchise used to only eat fast food hamburgers and fries

― 乒乓, Thursday, December 12, 2013 10:46 AM (2 hours ago)

have you seen that guy these days?

k3vin k., Thursday, 12 December 2013 17:55 (five years ago) link

yeah for sure when you're young and super-active you can eat anything. but if you wanna be playing the same way by the time you're 30 and beyond you need to wise up.

good nutrition has been a given in other sports like soccer for so long now that it's weird to me to see stories about the likes of ray allen who've adopted healthy diets and it's reported like it's a remarkable thing.

fit and working again, Thursday, 12 December 2013 19:09 (five years ago) link

soccer has a huge development structure where basketball is basically series of shady coaches since youre 10 that just care that you can dunk

lag∞n, Thursday, 12 December 2013 19:48 (five years ago) link

you'd think with everything metrics and 16 assistant coaches on the bench the training staffs could keep a nutritionist around to plan meals on game days or whatever, it's pretty simple. idk maybe some guys just don't listen tho

Clay, Thursday, 12 December 2013 19:48 (five years ago) link

yeah the teams cant force them to eat well

lag∞n, Thursday, 12 December 2013 19:49 (five years ago) link

im sure they each get a huge binder about nutrition and have trainers in their ear all day long but if youre a 25 y/o millionaire who who got their by eating burgers who you gonna trust

lag∞n, Thursday, 12 December 2013 19:50 (five years ago) link

dwight only wised up because his energy was flagging

lag∞n, Thursday, 12 December 2013 19:52 (five years ago) link

plus if you're 6'9 and burn 5000 calories in a couple hours every other day not to mention practices you are probably hungry 24/7 and steaming some rice and broccoli is kinda a hassle really if you want McDonald's and it's around the corner

Clay, Thursday, 12 December 2013 19:53 (five years ago) link

He knew nothing about how to train and get his wind up, even what and how to eat before a game. Once [Bulls trainer] Chip Schaefer had a pregame meal with him and was stunned to watch Kukoc put away a seven-course meal including salad, pasta, and steak.

“A sure four-thousand-calorie meal,” Schaefer noted later, almost admiringly. Like many European players, he was accustomed to drinking wine with his pregame meal, even if he did water it slightly. His body fat when he arrived was about 20 percent, very high for the NBA. Eventually, the Bulls got it down to the mid-teens, which was pretty good for Kukoc.

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nba-ball-dont-lie/steve-kerr-reminisces-toni-kukoc-legendarily-massive-pre-124610897--nba.html

Clay, Thursday, 12 December 2013 19:59 (five years ago) link

if i was making millions a year i'd be paying someone to come in and cook.

fit and working again, Thursday, 12 December 2013 20:16 (five years ago) link

I'd probably be getting pecan pie delivered to my penthouse every day because I am obscenely rich

乒乓, Thursday, 12 December 2013 21:19 (five years ago) link

otm

lag∞n, Thursday, 12 December 2013 21:22 (five years ago) link

two weeks pass...

http://gifs.com/2r2

call all destroyer, Friday, 27 December 2013 03:29 (five years ago) link

haha

micah, Saturday, 28 December 2013 22:48 (five years ago) link

three months pass...

http://msn.foxsports.com/southwest/story/dwight-howard-trolls-lebron-james-and-his-receding-hairline-040214

dwight howard is into image macro memes

Clay, Wednesday, 2 April 2014 23:47 (five years ago) link

of course

lag∞n, Thursday, 3 April 2014 02:05 (five years ago) link

one month passes...

http://rockets.clutchfans.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/dwight-howard-portland-series.jpg

i wonder if his performance in this series + the lillard dagger to win is the turning point where dwight becomes a sympathetic figure.

probably not tho b/c he is such a relentless cornball.

Clay, Sunday, 4 May 2014 03:54 (five years ago) link

He made his free throws in 4.5 of the 6 games.

epoxy fule (Aimless), Sunday, 4 May 2014 04:08 (five years ago) link

four months pass...

he is the worst human

I pray my drick get big as the Eiffel Tower (Spottie), Thursday, 2 October 2014 03:26 (four years ago) link

eleven months pass...

guess who brought a gun to the airport

(extremely nerds voice) (Clay), Thursday, 3 September 2015 00:38 (four years ago) link

Garrison Keillor?

Hammer Smashed Bagels, Thursday, 3 September 2015 00:41 (four years ago) link

Rick Perry?

Aimless, Thursday, 3 September 2015 01:28 (four years ago) link

barry switzer?

balls, Thursday, 3 September 2015 02:07 (four years ago) link

Joe Schlabotnik?

Hammer Smashed Bagels, Thursday, 3 September 2015 03:35 (four years ago) link

oh sorry guys aimless got it, it was the governor of texas rick perry

(extremely nerds voice) (Clay), Thursday, 3 September 2015 03:39 (four years ago) link

the girl who convinced her boyfriend to kill himself?

lag∞n, Thursday, 3 September 2015 05:11 (four years ago) link

it was actually amanda palmer and jonathan chait sorry i had some bad info

(extremely nerds voice) (Clay), Thursday, 3 September 2015 05:36 (four years ago) link

six months pass...

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31v3dSgOo9L._SY300_.jpg

art, Monday, 21 March 2016 23:06 (three years ago) link

why did d11 skip to d13?

because fuck d12

get a long, little doggy (m bison), Monday, 21 March 2016 23:20 (three years ago) link

Send him to Sacramento, imo

lute bro (brimstead), Tuesday, 22 March 2016 01:53 (three years ago) link

thats really where he needs to be. or the knicks

Spottie, Tuesday, 22 March 2016 01:55 (three years ago) link

adam silver gotta make this happen

get a long, little doggy (m bison), Tuesday, 22 March 2016 02:24 (three years ago) link

what wld really be ideal is... the nets, but they have lopez

lag∞n, Tuesday, 22 March 2016 02:24 (three years ago) link

but why let that stop u u know

lag∞n, Tuesday, 22 March 2016 02:24 (three years ago) link

twin injury prone immobile centers would be an amazing experiment

get a long, little doggy (m bison), Tuesday, 22 March 2016 02:26 (three years ago) link

basically stick one on either end of the floor and they dont move the whole game. they dont even come into the locker room at halftime, then they switch roles by virtue of changing sides.

get a long, little doggy (m bison), Tuesday, 22 March 2016 02:27 (three years ago) link

play them both 40 mpg and they dont break a sweat

get a long, little doggy (m bison), Tuesday, 22 March 2016 02:27 (three years ago) link

didnt vivek have that plan for the kings

lag∞n, Tuesday, 22 March 2016 02:31 (three years ago) link

yesssss

get a long, little doggy (m bison), Tuesday, 22 March 2016 02:40 (three years ago) link

i have no idea how this wasnt a tech

http://i.imgur.com/WJAHYvk.gif

micah, Wednesday, 23 March 2016 00:29 (three years ago) link

the ball stuck to his hand

lag∞n, Wednesday, 23 March 2016 00:46 (three years ago) link

hahah

micah, Wednesday, 23 March 2016 04:49 (three years ago) link

three months pass...

Will his health hold up, specifically a back that was surgically repaired in 2012 (he also missed 52 games in his first two seasons in Houston with a variety of ailments, mostly knee)?

“My back hasn’t been an issue, and I don’t think I’ll ever have an issue out of my back for the rest of my career,” he said without pause.

good luck with that

Clay, Monday, 18 July 2016 03:35 (three years ago) link

one month passes...
ten months pass...

https://sports.yahoo.com/dwight-howard-spent-sunday-trading-insults-teens-twitter-193535289.html

lol @ dwight spending an afternoon zinging children on twitter dot com

Clay, Tuesday, 18 July 2017 02:35 (two years ago) link

two weeks pass...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGUgEAWUIAQn0jw.jpg

lag∞n, Thursday, 3 August 2017 17:11 (two years ago) link

one of the more mortifying humans

lag∞n, Thursday, 3 August 2017 17:12 (two years ago) link

https://atrl.net/uploads/emoticons/ace.gif

nomar, Thursday, 3 August 2017 17:13 (two years ago) link

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Features:

Black T shirt
Soft 20/1 thickness material
100% cotton
Large fit

nomar, Thursday, 3 August 2017 17:15 (two years ago) link

lmaaaaooo

Spottie, Thursday, 3 August 2017 17:23 (two years ago) link

one month passes...

On his latest Podcast, ESPN.com’s Zach Lowe said he said heard stories of:

“Hawks players learning about the trade and screaming with jubilation into their phones…

“You ask why, and one account was that Dwight would give these speeches before the game about how everyone is playing hard, we want unity, we’re going to… and then go out and play like a blah game where he demands post touches and doesn’t rotate as hard as he could. And everyone is like, ‘Why are you speaking in the locker room?’ But that’s all anecdotal. It’s just crazy how these stories come out after every stop in his career.”

lag∞n, Tuesday, 26 September 2017 23:02 (one year ago) link

https://media.tenor.com/images/c29042655e00a197ecaa837c771575b3/tenor.gif

nomar, Wednesday, 27 September 2017 00:03 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

i have questions, dwight pic.twitter.com/cNdM8jGJLU

— josh (@HoopPlusTheHarm) November 25, 2017

competitive shooter - - - - (Spottie), Saturday, 25 November 2017 06:46 (one year ago) link

what is Dwight gonna do after he retires other than get his pitch rejected by tnt

Clay, Saturday, 25 November 2017 07:14 (one year ago) link

well it looks like hes not having more kids

micah, Saturday, 25 November 2017 07:19 (one year ago) link

dwight...

lag∞n, Saturday, 25 November 2017 20:35 (one year ago) link

lol 35K fine for that

competitive shooter - - - - (Spottie), Saturday, 25 November 2017 20:48 (one year ago) link

shouldve been his entire estate

lag∞n, Saturday, 25 November 2017 20:51 (one year ago) link

listen dwight everyone was fed up w yr shit 5 years ago, this time the fine is: death

lag∞n, Saturday, 25 November 2017 20:53 (one year ago) link

lol

competitive shooter - - - - (Spottie), Saturday, 25 November 2017 21:05 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

This is absolutely amazing.

MCW unable to attempt free throws in blowout, so Scott Brooks chooses Dwight Howard and makes him come back onto court to shoot

Dwight drains both, does Cassell big balls dance, blows Brooks a kiss 💀#PettyWarz pic.twitter.com/qPhV6jdlVp

— Pettywise (@World_Wide_Wob) January 18, 2018

Spottie, Thursday, 18 January 2018 03:17 (one year ago) link

four months pass...

Wishing all of the super dads of #BuzzCity a Happy Father’s Day! pic.twitter.com/P0HBtb2ad8

— Charlotte Hornets (@hornets) June 17, 2018

sprout god (lag∞n), Sunday, 17 June 2018 17:19 (one year ago) link

How many kids does dude have

Hall of Fam (Spottie), Sunday, 17 June 2018 17:53 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

pic.twitter.com/U6MItrcV0S

— Nick Whalen (@wha1en) July 23, 2018

InfoWarriors (Spottie), Tuesday, 24 July 2018 15:35 (one year ago) link

three weeks pass...

Dwight Howard’s trainer: ‘He wants to evolve into Anthony Davis, into Kevin Durant, but his own version of that’ https://t.co/6OPjmDfX6L

— Kurt Helin (@basketballtalk) August 14, 2018

InfoWarriors (Spottie), Tuesday, 14 August 2018 19:03 (one year ago) link

Beal and Wall are literally going to murder him

reggae mike love (polyphonic), Tuesday, 14 August 2018 19:36 (one year ago) link

...and then each other

InfoWarriors (Spottie), Tuesday, 14 August 2018 19:39 (one year ago) link

for my part i believe in his 15th season dwight howard will definitely come to resemble either anthony davis or kevin durant, two of the most physically gifted basketball players ever who are playing in their primes and in ways that dwight howard has never, ever, remotely played like before

Clay, Wednesday, 15 August 2018 01:02 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

DWIGHT HOWARD DAD JOKES ALERT

Reporter to Dwight Howard: “Do you envision shooting any 3-pointers this year.”

Dwight: Hold on...

[He closes eyes and makes an intense face for three seconds.]

Dwight, again: Yep, I just made 3.

— Fred Katz (@FredKatz) September 24, 2018

omar little, Monday, 24 September 2018 21:23 (eleven months ago) link

lol pretty good tbf

Machine Gunk Jelly (Spottie), Tuesday, 25 September 2018 01:45 (eleven months ago) link

three weeks pass...

While the injury is not a serious one for the center, he may miss out on the Wizards' opening game against the Miami Heat. Howard's days as DPOY may be over, but he is still a valuable asset to the Wizards, as he came in to replace Marcin Gortat.

Howard is known around the NBA as being one of the top defenders of his generation. Though he's jumped from team to team in recent years, he still makes a difference whenever he is on the hardwood. With his massive size, opposing players know better than to try and get cute around the rim.

omar little, Friday, 19 October 2018 16:27 (eleven months ago) link

four weeks pass...

lmao thats incredible that it happened at home everyone hates dwight!

lag∞n, Saturday, 17 November 2018 19:36 (ten months ago) link

uhhh

lag∞n, Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:39 (nine months ago) link

this whole situation's got me mad and nervous af. nba twitter out here making light of dwight's sexuality and not focusing on his abusive behavior.

21st savagery fox (m bison), Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:41 (nine months ago) link

yeah, not great all around

lag∞n, Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:43 (nine months ago) link

wizards just cut him btw

lag∞n, Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:47 (nine months ago) link

wait what?

21st savagery fox (m bison), Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:49 (nine months ago) link

i mean what else would twitter be doing

call all destroyer, Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:51 (nine months ago) link

oh my bad mightve just fell for a fake tweet!

lag∞n, Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:51 (nine months ago) link

wizards just cut him btw

― lag∞n, Saturday, November 24, 2018 11:47 PM (four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

source cause there were some fake woj accounts posting this

call all destroyer, Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:52 (nine months ago) link

xp ok yeah

call all destroyer, Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:52 (nine months ago) link

This covers it in one tweet.
Raquel Willis on Dwight

EZ Snappin, Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:53 (nine months ago) link

well that doesn't cover the actual story.....

call all destroyer, Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:54 (nine months ago) link

eventually these idiots are going to learn that everyone knows how to save receipts

call all destroyer, Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:54 (nine months ago) link

It covers the perspective people seem to be missing in their rush to use the word tranny.

EZ Snappin, Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:57 (nine months ago) link

:////////////////////////////////////

21st savagery fox (m bison), Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:58 (nine months ago) link

I hope Dwight gets what he’s due for being an abusive threatening asshole. I don’t give two shits who he fucks as long as he doesn’t try to fuck them over

EZ Snappin, Sunday, 25 November 2018 04:59 (nine months ago) link

having yr goons threaten someones life, thats bad

lag∞n, Sunday, 25 November 2018 05:01 (nine months ago) link

Yeah

EZ Snappin, Sunday, 25 November 2018 05:01 (nine months ago) link

the ineptitude is.....exactly what i would expect from people who associate with dwight howard

call all destroyer, Sunday, 25 November 2018 05:03 (nine months ago) link

Tried to figure out what the hell was going on via Twitter, got subjected to an endless stream of terrible homophobic/transphobic garbage way to go America

The Poppy Bush AutoZone (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Sunday, 25 November 2018 15:07 (nine months ago) link

Tried to figure out what the hell was going on via Twitter, got subjected to an endless stream of terrible homophobic/transphobic garbage way to go America

Same

I need an explain like I’m five ... and also not an asshole homophobe.

Allen (etaeoe), Sunday, 25 November 2018 15:49 (nine months ago) link

the very short version is:

trans woman claims she was in an exclusive relationship with dwight, ended it when it was no longer very exclusive on his end, began getting shady anonymous messages involving bribes then threats, traced them back to dwight’s ppl including his “pastor,” saved a variety of electronic evidence along the way.

call all destroyer, Sunday, 25 November 2018 15:51 (nine months ago) link

some ppl on twitter saying this same person tried to out playboi carti and it turned out to be fake but idk

lag∞n, Sunday, 25 November 2018 15:54 (nine months ago) link

the thing about the secret phone number reveling app does seem kinda sus

lag∞n, Sunday, 25 November 2018 15:54 (nine months ago) link

yeah. i cannot vouch for any of the electronic evidence presented.

call all destroyer, Sunday, 25 November 2018 15:55 (nine months ago) link

yes, altho to clarify the accuser in this case is a gay man

21st savagery fox (m bison), Sunday, 25 November 2018 16:31 (nine months ago) link

So was this all fake or what?

Spottie, Tuesday, 27 November 2018 04:35 (nine months ago) link

i guess? i didnt see anything conclusive but no news sites touched it

lag∞n, Tuesday, 27 November 2018 06:11 (nine months ago) link

interesting timing on the back surgery. out 3-4 months, essentially out for the year. career likely in jeopardy i would think.

Spottie, Friday, 30 November 2018 18:38 (nine months ago) link

it's been quite the misadventure

(•̪●) (carne asada), Friday, 30 November 2018 19:49 (nine months ago) link

Dwight is such an inimitable and curiously indescribable figure, i was trying to explain his downfall the other night to someone..."well see he was legitimately great, considered to be likable, and then he went to the Laker and got on Kobe's bad side and started telling dad jokes..."

i couldn't do it past that point.

omar little, Friday, 30 November 2018 23:33 (nine months ago) link

lmao

lag∞n, Friday, 30 November 2018 23:59 (nine months ago) link

the candy addiction is crucial imo

lag∞n, Friday, 30 November 2018 23:59 (nine months ago) link

i guess i could call him a controversy-free* Alex Rodriguez, and somehow the gulf between his desperation to be liked and the reality is even more enormous than A-Rod's.

he's never had a major scandal one can point to, he just shows up with a new franchise and walks into the locker room cracking jokes with his teammates and putting up 16/12 and pretty soon rumors are out that he's going to be fragged on the next road trip.

(*we'll see what occurs with this recent business)

omar little, Saturday, 1 December 2018 01:21 (nine months ago) link

god i always forget about the candy thing

omar little, Saturday, 1 December 2018 01:22 (nine months ago) link

the candy addiction is just idk its perfect?

lag∞n, Saturday, 1 December 2018 03:39 (nine months ago) link

nine months pass...

has dwight been watching demolition man or

Clay, Thursday, 5 September 2019 04:37 (two weeks ago) link

someone online said he's turned into bobby digital and that seemed otm

big city slam (Spottie), Thursday, 5 September 2019 04:39 (two weeks ago) link

Dwight Howard said he bought a purple car because he was inspired by Thanos and the sacrifices he had to make to accomplish his goal. Man.

— Christian Rivas (@RadRivas) September 11, 2019

Matt Armstrong, Wednesday, 11 September 2019 22:15 (one week ago) link


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