bill simmons IS bill simmons IN the book of BASKETBALL

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...the movie

who's gonna dunk this tome with me over the next few weeks? i love simmons on hoops even when he's challopsy or even just wrong but i think this book might be amazing

sitting in the package on my desk right now to start after cavs/celts when i get home-- thanking u amazon

i'll see you in jamie mccourt then (agent hibachi), Tuesday, 27 October 2009 23:24 (nine years ago) link

speaking of this guy, anyone watching that 30 for 30 series
http://30for30.espn.com/

am0n, Wednesday, 28 October 2009 00:59 (nine years ago) link

a 30 for 30 thread

a goon boy (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 28 October 2009 01:48 (nine years ago) link

i kinda want to read this - i h8 this guys whole steez but sort of love his basketball writing - o jeez i just dont know - ive never read a sports book before this is weird for me

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 28 October 2009 05:15 (nine years ago) link

i started it last night and the prologue is a big sloppy bj for larry bird of course, but its supposed to be a more personal intro before the nitty gritty starts up. i think its tolerable even if yr not a celtics fan and there's lots of good stuff. the footnotes are really funny!

i think there's going to be tons of quality kareem bashing too, which is a big plus in my book

i'll see you in jamie mccourt then (agent hibachi), Wednesday, 28 October 2009 16:54 (nine years ago) link

you should read it ice cr*m, i think if you like his bball writing theres going to be too much fun stuff in here to ignore-- i learned that dave cowens took off a third of a season to DRIVE A CAB

i'll see you in jamie mccourt then (agent hibachi), Wednesday, 28 October 2009 16:55 (nine years ago) link

i missed the colts band 30 for 30 but the other two so far have been great-- thought berg's gretzky one was actually a great film, very cool and affecting, outstanding style

i'll see you in jamie mccourt then (agent hibachi), Wednesday, 28 October 2009 16:56 (nine years ago) link

I don't think I could read an entire book of Simmons' writing.

Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Wednesday, 28 October 2009 18:18 (nine years ago) link

i think i totally could - i just def dont have the time atm

k3vin k., Wednesday, 28 October 2009 18:19 (nine years ago) link

to echo those above, though, it would have to be abt hoops

k3vin k., Wednesday, 28 October 2009 18:20 (nine years ago) link

yeah i'm not sure i'll have time for this until like the holidays

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 28 October 2009 18:25 (nine years ago) link

freedarko book vs book of basketball

am0n, Wednesday, 28 October 2009 19:12 (nine years ago) link

freedarko i have a hard time reading 2 paragraphs - srsly learn writing guys!

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 28 October 2009 19:13 (nine years ago) link

freedarko is awful and dumb imo

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 28 October 2009 19:24 (nine years ago) link

i don't really want to read either of them!

am0n, Wednesday, 28 October 2009 19:25 (nine years ago) link

good thing it's a free country, am0n!

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 28 October 2009 19:34 (nine years ago) link

freedarko book has been sitting on my dresser since the day it dropped, i love those guys tho

a goon boy (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 28 October 2009 20:53 (nine years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jpk_zOfxkhc

am0n, Wednesday, 28 October 2009 20:59 (nine years ago) link

I think Simmons is definitely at his best when he's doing straight NBA analysis, so I'm enjoying this so far (roughly 100pp in). The Isiah/Vegas chapter is really great.

One criticism I have is that weird semantic thing he does sometimes when he's discussing race in sports; for instance, in the Bird chapter he chalks part of Bird's career decline up to "a wave of athletic black forwards that were slowly making the Kelly Tripuckas and Kiki Vandeweghes obsolete."

I don't think anybody who's read Simmons for a while is at risk of misreading that, but I'm kinda surprised they left it in, y'know?

Conservative HOT Mom! (govern yourself accordingly), Thursday, 29 October 2009 01:11 (nine years ago) link

The black is a better athlete to begin with because he's been bred to be that way — because of his high thighs and big thighs that goes up into his back, and they can jump higher and run faster because of their bigger thighs. This goes back all the way to the Civil War when during the slave trading, the owner — the slave owner would breed his big black to his big woman so that he could have a big black kid.

jØrdån (omar little), Thursday, 29 October 2009 01:13 (nine years ago) link

I was a big Jimmy the Greek fan as a little kid and was bummed when they fired him. :/

Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Thursday, 29 October 2009 01:32 (nine years ago) link

this is a little off topic, but I can't stand the way he speaks on podcasts and stuff - sounds like I'm listening to a college sophomore with a bunch of flattened KEYSTONE LIGHT boxes taped to his wall

囧 (dyao), Friday, 30 October 2009 03:25 (nine years ago) link

he's on colbert tonight, should be coming on pretty soon...

a goon boy (J0rdan S.), Friday, 30 October 2009 03:41 (nine years ago) link

this is a little off topic, but I can't stand the way he speaks on podcasts and stuff - sounds like I'm listening to a college sophomore with a bunch of flattened KEYSTONE LIGHT boxes taped to his wall

― 囧 (dyao), Thursday, October 29, 2009 11:25 PM (20 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i always liked this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQbcVnsK9g8

candice spergin (cankles), Friday, 30 October 2009 03:47 (nine years ago) link

Well, if you look at who he's talking about that replaced Bird, Vandeweigh, and Tripuka, et al., he's not wrong. There were a bunch of really good, athletic power forwards who could run, rebound and dunk over a city bus, who happened to be black. The phrasing is awkward, and makes him seem to be placing the race thing a little high in the analysis.

I am looking forward to this book - his knowledge of NBA stuff is pretty amazing, and he tends to do some pretty inventive statistical analysis.

And yes, this dude was totally a douchebag in college.

Adventures of Dog Boy and Frank Sobotka (B.L.A.M.), Friday, 30 October 2009 16:00 (nine years ago) link

the first real chapter ("the secret") is pretty good. simmon's tim duncan reclamation project is almost working on me. ive always found him the most boring superstar and basically hated him for wiping out the fun-n-suns year after year but always respected him as a player and think he's probably a great guy.

putting him in stark contrast now with shaq: four rings on the same team, cycled through good roleplayers that he made great (both did this), still in title contention with that same team, while shaq is now basically a big media presence journeyman...i think i'm convinced that timmy is the best of the era ending right about now.

i'll see you in jamie mccourt then (agent hibachi), Friday, 30 October 2009 16:40 (nine years ago) link

duncan as the best of his generation is pretty indisputable imo

ice cr?m, Friday, 30 October 2009 16:52 (nine years ago) link

Duncan = not of Kobe's era?

B/c -

Four rings with same team
Cycled through journeymen and made them better
Still in title contention with same team

Could also describe Kobe.

Adventures of Dog Boy and Frank Sobotka (B.L.A.M.), Friday, 30 October 2009 20:21 (nine years ago) link

buddy sry kobe is not better than duncan - also shaq was the best player on 3/4 of those teams

ice cr?m, Friday, 30 October 2009 20:26 (nine years ago) link

1 duncan
2 shaq
then kobe garnett et al

ice cr?m, Friday, 30 October 2009 20:28 (nine years ago) link

says the celts, fan get outta here

anyway duncan and kobe are apples n oranges

k3vin k., Friday, 30 October 2009 20:49 (nine years ago) link

lol "celts fan, get"

k3vin k., Friday, 30 October 2009 20:49 (nine years ago) link

as afar as know neither duncan or shaq are or have ever been on the celtics

ice cr?m, Friday, 30 October 2009 20:50 (nine years ago) link

fan, get as afar as know

ice cr?m, Friday, 30 October 2009 20:51 (nine years ago) link

In school, Duncan was a bright pupil and dreamt of becoming an Olympic-level swimmer like his sister, Tricia.[5][6] His parents were very supportive and Duncan excelled at swimming, becoming a teenage standout in the 50, 100 and 400 meters freestyle and aiming to make the 1992 Olympic Games as a member of the United States Team.[5]

When Hurricane Hugo destroyed the island's only Olympic-sized swimming pool in 1989, forcing Duncan to swim in the ocean, he soon lost enthusiasm because of his fear of sharks.[4]

this is why he's #1

chemical ali v. chemical frazier (m bison), Friday, 30 October 2009 21:19 (nine years ago) link

also spurs teams with duncan on them have never won fewer than 53 games (lockout season excepted)

chemical ali v. chemical frazier (m bison), Friday, 30 October 2009 21:28 (nine years ago) link

buddy sry kobe is not better than duncan

http://hillbilly10commandments.com/images/moses3.bmp

hope this helps (Granny Dainger), Friday, 30 October 2009 22:31 (nine years ago) link

huh, i never really think about kobe v duncan.

like kobe used to get compared to his contemporaries like pierce, ray allen, carter, mcgrady, but now that it's clear that none of them are as good as he is, he tends to get compared to jordan and maybe lebron.

they're definitely the best of the nba players who emerged in the late '90s, and both of them started out on teams that were immediately successful, but in terms of position and temperament they're completely different.

circles, Friday, 30 October 2009 22:44 (nine years ago) link

yah its a tough comparison but i think if kobe goes on a run the next few years with a ring or two and consistent finals appearances before he starts to decline, we'll end up looking at the 08 lakers/celts series as the start of the post-timmy era...esp if TD doesn't get another ring before he retires. i tend to think that kobe's first three rings dont count quite as much *for him* in this kind of discussion because he wasn't the undisputed leader of those teams. even more so than points, stats, etc i think thats what simmons convinced me about-- even on the 99 team with robinson, it was absolutely td's team.

i'll see you in jamie mccourt then (agent hibachi), Saturday, 31 October 2009 00:11 (nine years ago) link

bought this book today iirc. chapter one was great--plenty of lols and good writing.

call all destroyer, Saturday, 31 October 2009 00:20 (nine years ago) link

bill simmons is sitting in with the commentators @ celtics/bulls rite now

am0n, Saturday, 31 October 2009 01:01 (nine years ago) link

not a good voice

am0n, Saturday, 31 October 2009 01:02 (nine years ago) link

never heard him before colbert, if anything douchier than advertised

5-23-09 CLUTCH & EVIL LOOK (tremendoid), Saturday, 31 October 2009 04:18 (nine years ago) link

haha ive heard him like 100x via podcasts and such, but yeah as much as i like dude he gets frattier every element of him you discover writing -> voice -> irl

k3vin k., Saturday, 31 October 2009 04:20 (nine years ago) link

yeah i don't mind reading him actually, lets you know where he stands and puts teeth into it. entertaining as far as it goes

5-23-09 CLUTCH & EVIL LOOK (tremendoid), Saturday, 31 October 2009 04:35 (nine years ago) link

i remember when he was on colbert a while back, he got booed when he made fun of clinton for throwing like a girl

candice spergin (cankles), Saturday, 31 October 2009 09:33 (nine years ago) link

yah its a tough comparison but i think if kobe goes on a run the next few years with a ring or two and consistent finals appearances before he starts to decline, we'll end up looking at the 08 lakers/celts series as the start of the post-timmy era...esp if TD doesn't get another ring before he retires. i tend to think that kobe's first three rings dont count quite as much *for him* in this kind of discussion because he wasn't the undisputed leader of those teams. even more so than points, stats, etc i think thats what simmons convinced me about-- even on the 99 team with robinson, it was absolutely td's team.

This is what is going to make the Western Conf. so interesting this year. They both have good teams and something to prove.

Adventures of Dog Boy and Frank Sobotka (B.L.A.M.), Saturday, 31 October 2009 15:09 (nine years ago) link

I can't imagine "something to prove" matters as much to Tim as it does to Kobes. I'm not trying to argue Duncan isn't driven or whatever, I just don't think he cares as much about what people think about him. (Tbf, he also doesn't have as much negativity to cope with.)

This part of the sentence is even dumber. (lukas), Saturday, 31 October 2009 15:15 (nine years ago) link

Yeah. That's probably a pretty fair assessment on both of them.

Ultraviolet Thunder (B.L.A.M.), Saturday, 31 October 2009 21:49 (nine years ago) link

Have purchased. Have read the first 100 or so pages. Have learned a lot about Boston basketball. Woo, this guy is a HOMER.

Ultraviolet Thunder (B.L.A.M.), Sunday, 1 November 2009 15:47 (nine years ago) link

http://www.chicagobreakingsports.com/2009/11/espns-simmons-says-86-celtics-better-than-96-bulls.html

What else would you expect from Bill Simmons? ESPN's "The Sports Guy" was in town on Monday promoting his lastest book, "The Book of Basketball," and told the Tribune's Luis Arroyave that it's no contest, the 1986 Celtics were better than the '96 Bulls.

"When Bill Wennington and Luc Longley are your two centers, you're instantly eliminated from being the best team ever," Simmons said.

No contest Robert Parish was a better center than Longley and Wennington. But using that logic, a Bulls fan could counter, no team with Danny Ainge as its shooting guard should ever be mentioned in the argument, since his Bulls counterpart was Michael Jordan.

Plus, Wennington was a backup. Does that mean Bulls fans can bring up Celtics backups Jerry Sichting and Greg Kite, whom the Boston Globe's Bob Ryan once called "the least talented player in the NBA."

Then again Jack Haley was on the '96 Bulls roster.

hope this helps (Granny Dainger), Tuesday, 3 November 2009 21:16 (nine years ago) link

96 bulls greater than the sum of their parts imo. also 72 wins, gotdamn, ur move simmons.

sexual alien v. sexual predator (m bison), Tuesday, 3 November 2009 21:19 (nine years ago) link

I'm still pissed they got double-digit losses.they lost against at least one garbage team right near the end.

hope this helps (Granny Dainger), Tuesday, 3 November 2009 21:21 (nine years ago) link

mj made $290K more than kukoc that season 0_o
their last 2 losses were against raptors (21-61) and hornets (41-41)

hope this helps (Granny Dainger), Tuesday, 3 November 2009 21:24 (nine years ago) link

yeah jordan was like paid peanuts save for those last 2 years which were like 30 mil a year or something, right?

sexual alien v. sexual predator (m bison), Tuesday, 3 November 2009 21:34 (nine years ago) link

man do i wish he'd gone through with calling this book "tell me how my book tastes"

i'll see you in jamie mccourt then (agent hibachi), Tuesday, 3 November 2009 22:52 (nine years ago) link

Xpost^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Either that title or "Black Men Can Jump." It would have been funny.

Now, look...I'm not a Boston fan. I wasn't when I didn't live in LA, and now I really hate them.

But Ainge back in the day? He was SO fast and really pesky as fuck on defense. I can't take away from him as a player. He wasn't MJ, of course, but the degrees of difference b/t him and MJ and Longley/Wennington v. Parish? No damn contest.

Ultraviolet Thunder (B.L.A.M.), Wednesday, 4 November 2009 05:16 (nine years ago) link

i like pierce but there's a lot of bullshit in that review

omaha deserved 311 (call all destroyer), Friday, 13 November 2009 18:31 (nine years ago) link

he comes off with a serious case of U MAD? in that review imo

house of flying jaggers (J0rdan S.), Friday, 13 November 2009 18:43 (nine years ago) link

i've been entangled in a long email back & forth with my friend about simmons as sparked by that piece

house of flying jaggers (J0rdan S.), Friday, 13 November 2009 18:43 (nine years ago) link

pretty much hate this guy but i would like him more if he cut the pop culture/bro shit b/c he can make some interesting points. and sometimes i feel like reading his pieces is like reading [nabisco] on sports.

jØrdån (omar little), Friday, 13 November 2009 18:47 (nine years ago) link

obv it's a takedown of simmons in the guise of a book review, but he is pretty accurate. dude is so in love with his own hit-or-miss shtick that the worthwhile content sometimes gets buired (xpost: ie what omar said)

aarrissi-a-roni, Friday, 13 November 2009 18:49 (nine years ago) link

altho i don't hate him, i kinda read around it

aarrissi-a-roni, Friday, 13 November 2009 18:50 (nine years ago) link

years of training have left me v. adept at ignoring the pop culture/bro shit.

omaha deserved 311 (call all destroyer), Friday, 13 November 2009 18:50 (nine years ago) link

it's pretty fucking funny for charles pierce to not recognize shtick as such since you know EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GETTING when you read both him and simmons.

omaha deserved 311 (call all destroyer), Friday, 13 November 2009 18:51 (nine years ago) link

^^those 2 posts are exactly my response too

hope this helps (Granny Dainger), Friday, 13 November 2009 18:57 (nine years ago) link

yeah i mean, everyone holds up simmons & vegas as like What is Wrong With Simmons (pretty proud of myself here) but shit, if you open that column you know what you're getting. same thing for his fantasy draft columns.

& i don't see why he shouldn't be in love with his own schtick, seeing as it's made him pretty damn popular and has endeared him to a huge fucking audience. and like cad says, it's pretty easy to skip his 580th teen wolf tangent

house of flying jaggers (J0rdan S.), Friday, 13 November 2009 19:02 (nine years ago) link

yeah i mean as a person who has no desire to go to vegas i actually find the vegas columns pretty entertaining as insight into something i will never do. a lot of the crit of simmons seems to be along the lines of "he only writes for people who are like him" which is only true if you just kind of reject a certain strain of dude lifestyle totally out of hand.

omaha deserved 311 (call all destroyer), Friday, 13 November 2009 19:07 (nine years ago) link

basically i say that he's the apatow movies of sportswriting - yeah other writers may make you think more or may be more impressive, but when it comes to big budget bang for your buck entertainment, it's hard to beat simmons

house of flying jaggers (J0rdan S.), Friday, 13 November 2009 19:15 (nine years ago) link

yeah i mean as a person who has no desire to go to vegas i actually find the vegas columns pretty entertaining as insight into something i will never do. a lot of the crit of simmons seems to be along the lines of "he only writes for people who are like him" which is only true if you just kind of reject a certain strain of dude lifestyle totally out of hand.
--omaha deserved 311 (call all destroyer)

yeah this

itdn put butt in the display name (gbx), Friday, 13 November 2009 19:29 (nine years ago) link

sort of shocked that a book abt basketball could be a #1 best seller

ice cr?m, Friday, 13 November 2009 19:35 (nine years ago) link

<3 that album

windy = white, carl = black (polyphonic), Friday, 13 November 2009 20:37 (nine years ago) link

TBH, I kind of treat Simmons as a guilty pleasure, and get a little embarassed when he comes up in conversations. I guess its because the Bill we see, who I doubt is what the real Bill Simmons is like regardless of how much he talks about his wife or his family, is one that is cultivated to attract people to read his discussions about sports.

His knowledge of sports, and in particular pro basketball, is pretty impressive, and he makes some interesting arguments and analyses of certain sports topics, but its all delivered with the pop culture references and bro-down stories that his core readership thrives on.

These are, of course, the same people who recite movie lines as jokes, and expect to therefore be regarded as funny.

Ultraviolet Thunder (B.L.A.M.), Friday, 13 November 2009 21:45 (nine years ago) link

he comes off with a serious case of U MAD? in that review imo

― house of flying jaggers (J0rdan S.), Friday, November 13, 2009 1:43 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i liked when i got to the end and see his credits that basically say I AM A BITTER RAGEFUL SPORTSWRITER

NEW YORK DESERVED 9-11 (cankles), Friday, 13 November 2009 23:38 (nine years ago) link

anyway re: this book - i love simmons when he talks basketball (and basically ignore him when he talks about anything else) so this seems like a great idea to me - i'll deffo read it someday - and honestly, i can probably count on one hand the number of sportswriters i consider better than him (nb. this is more an indictment of sportswriting than an endorsement of simmons)

NEW YORK DESERVED 9-11 (cankles), Friday, 13 November 2009 23:39 (nine years ago) link

I ended up really liking this, and the race stuff I mentioned upthread got put into context almost immediately after I posted that, and it made way more sense by the time I finished. Overall the time he spent writing about race + discrimination issues wound up being one of the most thoughtful parts of the book.

For some reason I thought the pyramid would turn out to be a total Ronald Thomas Clontle routine, but Simmons spends a lot of time trying to articulate a bigger point: that basketball fans have short memories, sure, but also that a lot of the measures of greatness in this sport rely more on subjective analysis and intangibles - since not only is the sport constantly evolving and changing its own rules in a way that, say, baseball isn't, but that the markers of greatness often manifest themselves in things that aren't obvious if you only rely on box scores and highlights to analyze performance. (Cf. "The Secret," etc, but the stuff about the ABA's struggle to get TV coverage and its subsequent effect on how ABA players were perceived relative to their NBA peers is really fascinating.)

I realize that all sounds kinda corny, but Simmons is very good at writing this kind of sports pop science, and while this book definitely didn't need to be 700+ pages, it's surprising how much of what he threw out there sticks.

Conservative HOT Mom! (govern yourself accordingly), Saturday, 14 November 2009 01:26 (nine years ago) link

Also it made me wish somebody with his exact level of access/obsession would write a similar book about NCAA basketball.

Conservative HOT Mom! (govern yourself accordingly), Saturday, 14 November 2009 01:29 (nine years ago) link

wishing Michael Lewis would write a book about basketball

囧 (dyao), Monday, 16 November 2009 09:01 (nine years ago) link

His Battier piece was pretty good but I don't know if he could sustain an entire book without just rewriting Moneyball.

windy = white, carl = black (polyphonic), Monday, 16 November 2009 17:44 (nine years ago) link

love the book, but ranking paul pierce and parish that high is some pretty serious homerism. and in the whole list of 96 there's no room for any of the '04 pistons? there's room for big shot rob but no finals mvp chauncey billups? they were only the best/most consisten team in the east this decade.

Danny Duberstein (hmmmm), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 09:43 (nine years ago) link

the human beans story otoh makes me pretty happy

Danny Duberstein (hmmmm), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 09:43 (nine years ago) link

I am absolutely LOVING this book, and I'm not even much of a basketball fan! Simmons makes me laugh.

Mr. Snrub, Wednesday, 18 November 2009 02:34 (nine years ago) link

It was hit or miss with me, until he started describing the hall of fame inductees. I stayed up WAY past my bed time last night reading it. Really good.

Ultraviolet Thunder (B.L.A.M.), Friday, 20 November 2009 19:19 (nine years ago) link

Simmons was banned from twitter for two weeks by ESPN because he talked shit about some Boston radio station.

windy = white, carl = black (polyphonic), Friday, 20 November 2009 23:45 (nine years ago) link

lol know what i might say to espn had i the #1 bestseller

ice cr?m, Saturday, 21 November 2009 05:53 (nine years ago) link

First ESPN totally assrapes Simmons by not letting Obama onto his podcast, and now this. Assholes.

CLEVELAND DOES NOT DESERVE MANGINI (Mr. Snrub), Monday, 23 November 2009 01:49 (nine years ago) link

I read this whole thing. I love how he rates The Answer.

Mordy, Monday, 23 November 2009 01:57 (nine years ago) link

i read this over thanksgiving break. i don't know anything about basketball so i can't dispute his knowledge there. he's an entertaining writer and occasionally very funny (his section on great basketball players who made shitty announcers/commentators made me LOL). this may be an obvious thing to say about a 700-pg book but he needs better editing, it got really repetitive by the end (making the same points and jokes over and over) and was just too long in general. also a lot of his pop culture references are so dumb and/or wrong. i enjoyed the book though.

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 30 November 2009 15:08 (nine years ago) link

^^kinda sums up how i feel about his writing, in general. i am not a sports guy (lol) and rarely ever know who he's talking about or why it ought to be funny, but sometimes a lot of his jokes work without that, which i think is a credit. or i'm just easy, and the kind of person who laughs if someone gets the delivery and misses the punchline

crazy farting throwback jersey (gbx), Monday, 30 November 2009 15:12 (nine years ago) link

oddly his pop culture analogy that made me the most mad was comparing the development of basketball to the development of comedy, saying if you listen to woody allen and bob newhart routines they won't make you LOL because comedy wasn't as advanced as in the '80s. i was like "nah brah" but then again i am weird and old-fashioned about comedy i guess, i love old woody allen and newhart stuff :/

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 30 November 2009 15:15 (nine years ago) link

if there is def one thing bill simmons is consistently wrong about, it's other people's comedy. in that, i think a lot of the comedic pop cultural stuff he mentions off-hand in his columns is sort of milquetoast or outright bad, though he himself can make a good joke

then again, i couldn't possibly think of a specific example of this, so i might be making it up.

crazy farting throwback jersey (gbx), Monday, 30 November 2009 15:24 (nine years ago) link

i just picture him laughing his ass off at some current standup while i look disgusted

crazy farting throwback jersey (gbx), Monday, 30 November 2009 15:24 (nine years ago) link

he probably rates dane cook as G.O.A.T.

囧 (dyao), Monday, 30 November 2009 15:41 (nine years ago) link

nah I wouldn't go that far. i'd put my money on will ferrell. def agree with gbx on this tho.

hope this helps (Granny Dainger), Monday, 30 November 2009 15:46 (nine years ago) link

yeah i think even he knows that dane cook blows. or even just that everyone THINKS he blows (ie - some of his readers). but i am sure that he will at some point in his career right some will ferrell GOAT hagiography

crazy farting throwback jersey (gbx), Monday, 30 November 2009 15:52 (nine years ago) link

assuming he hasn't already

crazy farting throwback jersey (gbx), Monday, 30 November 2009 15:52 (nine years ago) link

i think he creates cognitive dissonance within some people, such as in the writer of the "u mad" article linked to above. "this dude makes me laugh, i wouldn't mind hanging out with him and shooting the shit...but wait, he's all about bro'ing down with his crew--all of whom go by nicknames--in Vegas. I need to go overboard criticizing his negative aspects so I can totally dismiss dude."

hope this helps (Granny Dainger), Monday, 30 November 2009 15:58 (nine years ago) link

If I were one of his buddies, I would DEMAND that he refer to me by a nickname. He makes way too many references to activities that, while I certainly don't condemn him for engaging in, employers would probably have a problem with.

I have to say that his statistical arguments mesh pretty well with his "You have to get it to get it" over-arching theme. If anything, this book serves as a compendium of references for other places to go look for basketball knowledge. It also has motivated me to pay more attention to sporting events for those special moments. I may not be as encyclopedic as he is with what games I've seen and who played in them, but I want to get to the point where I can have more specific and detailed recall of key plays. An anecdote that goes "Yeah, remember when that one guy did that thing with Barkley? The no-look pass from...shit, was it the right or left side of the lane..." does little to spark more conversation/reminiscing.

Ultraviolet Thunder (B.L.A.M.), Monday, 30 November 2009 21:24 (nine years ago) link

the membership of this book club is kinda http://nymag.com/arts/books/bookclub/book-of-basketball

ice cr?m, Friday, 11 December 2009 05:40 (nine years ago) link

http://i46.tinypic.com/28lywxj.jpg

ha yes i felt exactly this was abt fortress of solitude

ice cr?m, Friday, 11 December 2009 06:14 (nine years ago) link

lethem's response is baffling and over-written. is there a joke i'm not getting?

being being kiss-ass fake nice (gbx), Friday, 11 December 2009 16:35 (nine years ago) link

love how everyones all i read this 700 page book in 30 hours and i feel kinda icky now, yes hello welcome to the sports guy

ice cr?m, Friday, 11 December 2009 16:42 (nine years ago) link

The NY Mag thing made me feel bad that I have been reading Simmons all decade and basically don't even pay attention to the sexist stuff anymore. Although I do not know if a chauvinist (or feminist) perspective would really influence one's thoughts on the NBA at all.

Between this book (esp. the epilogue) and whichever blog collected the finest Bill Walton goofy hyperboles a few months back, though, Walton is now like my favorite dude ever. Like, just kicking it with Big Red in his tepee watching a terrible NBA game and asking him questions about John Wooden would basically make my entire life complete.

C-L, Friday, 11 December 2009 16:59 (nine years ago) link

one time saw him on tv riding bikes w/jerry X)

ice cr?m, Friday, 11 December 2009 17:01 (nine years ago) link

his bike was LOL HUEG

ice cr?m, Friday, 11 December 2009 17:01 (nine years ago) link

saw him on haight st asking darius miles if he knew who jimi hendrix was

ice cr?m, Friday, 11 December 2009 17:02 (nine years ago) link

he did not

ice cr?m, Friday, 11 December 2009 17:02 (nine years ago) link

saw him on haight st asking darius miles if he knew who jimi hendrix was

he did not

A+++++ So jealous

C-L, Friday, 11 December 2009 17:06 (nine years ago) link

lol it was on tv

ice cr?m, Friday, 11 December 2009 17:10 (nine years ago) link

I am stupid

C-L, Friday, 11 December 2009 17:15 (nine years ago) link

it was still pretty good tho

ice cr?m, Friday, 11 December 2009 17:23 (nine years ago) link

SIMMONS

It reminds me of the time those three guys came up to you in a restaurant in Chicago and told you that they were reading "The Tipping Point" in their book club and were big fans.

GLADWELL

How could I forget?

SIMMONS

Baron Davis, Stephen Jackson and Matt Barnes.

GLADWELL

Greatest moment of my life.

max, Saturday, 19 December 2009 11:51 (nine years ago) link

two months pass...
three months pass...

lol @

There was a famous story about two of the Dream Team IIers--definitely Shaq and someone else, I can't remember the second guy--pulling the players together before a key Olympic game and Dumars thinking, "Great, they're finally going to take this seriously." Then the two guys started singing a rap song they had written for the game.

johnny crunch, Tuesday, 8 June 2010 13:26 (nine years ago) link

That Bill Simmons Woods/Ali column is unbelievably moronic even for Bill Simmons.

Fig On A Plate Cart (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 8 June 2010 16:29 (nine years ago) link

one month passes...

lol tweeting about freddie gibbs today

called him the savior of gangsta rap

i should send him some gucci

righteous lecoq (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 3 August 2010 19:30 (nine years ago) link

i got pretty grossed out by some of the joeks by the end of this book frankly. a sprinkling of the frattier stuff goes a long way, the occasional vegas column is fine but it kind of wore me down

the footnote about the all-dong team was just massively hilarious tho

enjoy your day (agent hibachi), Tuesday, 3 August 2010 20:15 (nine years ago) link

yeah the strip club/boob size analogies are pretty awful

symsymsym, Wednesday, 4 August 2010 05:16 (nine years ago) link

How has Simmons not become the Godfather of bros icing bros?

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 4 August 2010 14:03 (nine years ago) link

too old

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 4 August 2010 14:06 (nine years ago) link

Thus the Godfather. Like Neil Young and grunge.

I really enjoyed the book despite the length and Simmons' crutches that prop up huge sections of it. Though the end made me realize I want "Bill & Bill" as the followup. Walton's insights made Simmons a better writer; it freed him from his persona.

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 4 August 2010 14:13 (nine years ago) link

one month passes...

this is a really bad paragraph

Digging deeper: 2012 will be the first time since 1992 that we had this many mega-stars in their primes or near-primes -- LeBron, Wade, Howard, Durant, Paul, Williams, Carmelo Anthony -- all of whom will also be battling for NBA titles in 2011 and 2012 (throw Kobe in there as well). Can they shut off that competitive switch and come together on short notice? What if Durant fully supplants LeBron and Kobe as America's basketball darling by that time? What if Miami just battled Oklahoma City in a NBA Finals bloodbath? In 1992, the pecking order was pretty established: Jordan and Pippen were the champs/alpha dogs, Bird and Magic were the washed-up leaders, Barkley was the unstoppable wild card, and everyone else fell into place behind them. There will be no established pecking order in 2012. If anything, there might be multiple stars who believe in a pecking order that's different from what the other stars believe. Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry interesting. Hold this thought for 22 months.

banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 01:48 (nine years ago) link

jordan, did you transcribe that

ice cr?m, Tuesday, 14 September 2010 01:50 (nine years ago) link

yeah considering the calling card of this generation of talent is that they all get along and they're all unselfish i don't think this is really anything worth thinking about for the next 22 mos.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 14 September 2010 01:51 (nine years ago) link

is bill simmons to the nba what pitchfork reviews reviews is to pitchfork

max, Tuesday, 14 September 2010 01:51 (nine years ago) link

nah that doesn't really work as an analogy tho i'm not sure why right now

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 14 September 2010 01:52 (nine years ago) link

bill is still soooo stuck in this idea of "alpha dogs" & all that crap and you would think that after this summer he would've dropped that idea, but yet here it is again -- i think all of these guys have proven that they like each other a lot and want to win when they play each other -- i mean dwayne wade came off the bench in the last olympics ffs, i don't think any of those dudes are gonna be back stabbing each other in 2012 -- i think this has been demonstrated at various, various times in the past 2-3 years -- bill has spent a lot of time lamenting this fact, but he still can't get it through his head

banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 01:53 (nine years ago) link

jordan, did you transcribe that

― ice cr?m, Monday, September 13, 2010 8:50 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

no he posted a column today

banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 01:53 (nine years ago) link

gonna think abt all this for the next 22 months, brb

ice cr?m, Tuesday, 14 September 2010 01:54 (nine years ago) link

enjoy nepal

banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 01:56 (nine years ago) link

this is good tho

One of the frustrating things about this tournament: Iguodala has been a revelation as a fourth banana/swing defender/energy guy/uber-athlete, which really should have been his NBA destiny -- mega-glue guy on a great team, like a much more devastating version of Trevor Ariza on the 2008-09 Lakers -- only we don't have nearly enough quality players to fill 30 NBA teams, so instead he's forced to carry a lottery team, take terrible shots, play with inferior teammates and do everything that the Basketball Gods never meant for him to do. He's like Roger Sterling in "Mad Men" -- you don't want him carrying the show, but in short doses, harnessed correctly, he can be a weapon. I had given up on Iguodala as a meaningful basketball player; now I think he'll be reincarnated on a contender within the next two seasons. He's one trade away.

banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 01:57 (nine years ago) link

enjoy nepal

― banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Monday, September 13, 2010 9:56 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

loll

ice cr?m, Tuesday, 14 September 2010 01:58 (nine years ago) link

bill simmons isn't really pitchfork reviews reviews he's just pitchfork

subtle like the g in 'goole' (dayo), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:00 (nine years ago) link

I don't know who's taking the crunch-time shots on the 2010-11 Miami Heat

this discussion makes me want to steal a car and drive it into a lake

banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:06 (nine years ago) link

looool

subtle like the g in 'goole' (dayo), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:06 (nine years ago) link

in miami heats, there is no crunch time, only time 4 crunching opponents with superior basketball talent

oneohtosh point never (m bison), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:06 (nine years ago) link

I think I'm gonna appropriate that as my disapproval card in all irl conversations from nwo on

subtle like the g in 'goole' (dayo), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:06 (nine years ago) link

2:35: As Billups hits two free throws (USA by 10), the announcers discuss how physical the game has been compared to NBA games. "You got the feeling that both teams were trying to work one another before the game," Kestecher said. "There was a lot of staring, no smiling, trying to intimidate each other." Not sure how this fits into our new world order in which NBA superstars take the easy way out and choose to team up over beating each other. I'm a little discombobulated.

here i will explain it to you -- lots of players in the nba are friends and when they play basketball they don't hate each other and stare at each other in a fabricated attempt to intimidate -- but when they're playing on the same team in an international competition against an unlikable team from eastern europe, they might grill some dudes

not that discombobulating

banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:12 (nine years ago) link

"He's accepted his role as a garbageman on that second unit," Fraschilla says of Gay. Pretty expensive garbageman: He just re-signed with Memphis for $80 million. I love the world championships.

otm tho

banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:13 (nine years ago) link

I don't know who's taking the crunch-time shots on the 2010-11 Miami Heat

btw they're going to lose a playoff game and this will be a valid discussion

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:17 (nine years ago) link

but he is way too into it as a concept

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:18 (nine years ago) link

yes he is

banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:18 (nine years ago) link

the problem with the "crunch-time shots" discussion is that in modern nba all that means is "who is gonna take the crunch-time drives to the basket in an attempt to get fouled" and with bron AND wade on the same team, i don't think it's gonna manifest itself in a negative way

banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:19 (nine years ago) link

think you're oversimplifying it a bit; the cavs lost that series to the magic two years ago because 4 dudes stood around and waited for bron to do something. it will be an interesting discussion, at some point--i don't think it's gonna manifest itself as a conflict or problem but maybe more as a strategic challenge.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:22 (nine years ago) link

but basically, does the play start with bron having the ball or wade having the ball--that is going to matter, and it is going to mean something

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:23 (nine years ago) link

lwade is gonna take the crunch time shots ok, next question

ice cr?m, Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:24 (nine years ago) link

hehe

banaka socka flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:25 (nine years ago) link

wade's a little bit crunchtime, bron's a lil bit pick n roll

oneohtosh point never (m bison), Tuesday, 14 September 2010 02:25 (nine years ago) link

two months pass...

anyway re: this book - i love simmons when he talks basketball (and basically ignore him when he talks about anything else) so this seems like a great idea to me - i'll deffo read it someday - and honestly, i can probably count on one hand the number of sportswriters i consider better than him (nb. this is more an indictment of sportswriting than an endorsement of simmons)

― NEW YORK DESERVED 9-11 (cankles), Friday, November 13, 2009 6:39 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

btw i read this book and it sucked and he sucks

Princess TamTam, Monday, 13 December 2010 02:11 (eight years ago) link

simmons note: do i rc that he was a comedy writer? how is this possible? i have never laughed at a single thing he's ever written.

wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Monday, 13 December 2010 03:51 (eight years ago) link

simmons gets way too much mileage out of the "this situation is like some obscure pop culture reference, let me break it down for you with x's and o's"

deej me how to whiney (dayo), Monday, 13 December 2010 03:52 (eight years ago) link

thing is it's never that obscure, it's like 80s/90s bargain bin bullshit, but yeah he does do that thing u just said

wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Monday, 13 December 2010 03:58 (eight years ago) link

he wrote for kimmel's late night show when it was starting out, after he was already espn famous. why he moved to l.a. iirc.

circles, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:05 (eight years ago) link

i have not read simmons in probably a year but have always felt that if the world needed one person like bill simmons we could do a lot worse than bill simmons, if you feel me

k3vin k., Monday, 13 December 2010 04:07 (eight years ago) link

i always felt his clowning of doc rivers for using ubuntu was a little o_O and i'm kinda hoping during one of his vegas jaunts he gets lost and walks right into a wnba team.

omar little, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:09 (eight years ago) link

haha

Princess TamTam, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:10 (eight years ago) link

still think there's a lot of good stuff in tbob--the pyramid, especially, is really fun to read

call all destroyer, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:12 (eight years ago) link

it's also kind of pissing me off that he's moving into broadcasting. he blows chunks on PTI and I heard he was gonna broadcast some game? I mean granted, reggie miller sets the bar pretty low but I don't need a dude with the voice of some pimply faced fratboy feebly trying to channel excitement after a great dunk

deej me how to whiney (dayo), Monday, 13 December 2010 04:13 (eight years ago) link

i always felt his clowning of doc rivers for using ubuntu was a little o_O

― omar little, Sunday, December 12, 2010 11:09 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

eh feel like his arguments in favor of debian were pretty strong tbh

ice cr?m, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:14 (eight years ago) link

i thought he was pretty decent doing the heat-warriors game -- i mean he made a lot of the same points/jokes from his column, but he was as good as anyone on that network outside of jvg

ad hom alone (J0rdan S.), Monday, 13 December 2010 04:15 (eight years ago) link

wow that surprises me

call all destroyer, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:16 (eight years ago) link

content is not the only thing that counts in the booth - you gotta have a vocalic presence, bill simmons has about as much vocalic presence as the boom goes the dynamite kid

deej me how to whiney (dayo), Monday, 13 December 2010 04:19 (eight years ago) link

yeah i was amazed by how bad he was on PTI... kornheiser was so much more natural and likable

Princess TamTam, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:19 (eight years ago) link

it's not a podcast it's a nationally televised nba game ffs

deej me how to whiney (dayo), Monday, 13 December 2010 04:19 (eight years ago) link

like dayo says, the bar is set low -- if i had no idea who simmons was & i just flipped on the game i would've thought he was just another announcer, albeit one that was a bit more zingy to the bad players

esp for his second game ever (he did some college game a few years ago) i thought he was totally serviceable, sometimes even funny

ad hom alone (J0rdan S.), Monday, 13 December 2010 04:20 (eight years ago) link

anyway, on tbob - its solid, its just wayyyyyyy too long. i went into it liking his schtick and finished it not being able to stand him. too much simmons, too much pyramid, too much everything. im warming up to him again but his style's really unsuited to something that big.

Princess TamTam, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:20 (eight years ago) link

yeah idk i guess i'm just used to his voice? idk

ad hom alone (J0rdan S.), Monday, 13 December 2010 04:20 (eight years ago) link

i don't really give a shit about your voice as much as i do about what you say

call all destroyer, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:21 (eight years ago) link

i don't think i actually finished tbob--it should've ended with the pyramid--but it lends itself well to going back into certain sections and re-reading them

call all destroyer, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:22 (eight years ago) link

i could see that book being like youre plowing through it cause its readable then like 2/3 through you realize you hate this guy and why am i reading this

ice cr?m, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:22 (eight years ago) link

if im gonna listen to a nigga for 3 hours i better like your voice... thats why jon miller owns and bryant gumbel doesnt

Princess TamTam, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:22 (eight years ago) link

i could see that book being like youre plowing through it cause its readable then like 2/3 through you realize you hate this guy and why am i reading this

― ice cr?m, Sunday, December 12, 2010 11:22 PM (3 seconds ago) Bookmark

haha that was my exact experience

Princess TamTam, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:23 (eight years ago) link

I think broadcasting voices are pretty important - just try to imagine if bill simmons was in the booth when bobby thomson hit that homer

deej me how to whiney (dayo), Monday, 13 December 2010 04:24 (eight years ago) link

well great calls are great but this was a west coast time reg season nba game--no one's saying he should call the super bowl

call all destroyer, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:25 (eight years ago) link

if im gonna listen to a nigga for 3 hours i better like your voice... thats why jon miller owns and bryant gumbel doesnt

― Princess TamTam, Sunday, December 12, 2010 10:22 PM (36 seconds ago) Bookmark

well, i agree with this, but i think it matters A LOT less for color guys than it does for play by play -- simmons might get a bit obnoxious if he was doing two games a week, but it was a nice change up at times to have a dude making cracks about dampier not being able to make lay ups & shit

ad hom alone (J0rdan S.), Monday, 13 December 2010 04:25 (eight years ago) link

okay everyone stop comparing play by play guys to color guys

ad hom alone (J0rdan S.), Monday, 13 December 2010 04:25 (eight years ago) link

cut him off at the roots tbh

deej me how to whiney (dayo), Monday, 13 December 2010 04:25 (eight years ago) link

that's one of my problems with him, his way of life seems completely foreign to my experience in life, like his actual adherence to played out LOL WOMEN kinda shit, he's the sort of dude that if i met i'd move away from. i get the same feeling reading his column that PTT had reading his book.

omar little, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:26 (eight years ago) link

i mean if your benchmark is one of the most famous moments in sports history...

call all destroyer, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:26 (eight years ago) link

voice is meaningful for sure but i feel like the canned deep announcer style is some v strange shit that were all just used to

ice cr?m, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:26 (eight years ago) link

i didnt actually hear the game btw, but i will say that i'd rather listen to a billion simmons-called games than one more by reggie miller or mark jackson

Princess TamTam, Monday, 13 December 2010 04:26 (eight years ago) link

I'm just saying nobody should encourage him to spend more time in the broadcast booth, is all

deej me how to whiney (dayo), Monday, 13 December 2010 04:27 (eight years ago) link

should replace all espn announcers with mexican soccer announcers anyway

deej me how to whiney (dayo), Monday, 13 December 2010 04:27 (eight years ago) link

what is this about

sportsguy33 Bill Simmons
Hey CPP: took you out of TBOB cuz you trashed it without ever mentioning that you used to email me all the time until I told you to eff off.

sportsguy33 Bill Simmons
I just thought it was dishonest. You came off like a spurned lover in that piece. But seriously, good luck with your red-hot career.

ad hom alone (J0rdan S.), Monday, 13 December 2010 20:49 (eight years ago) link

who is cpp?

omar little, Monday, 13 December 2010 20:51 (eight years ago) link

Charles Pierce

macaroni rascal (polyphonic), Monday, 13 December 2010 20:53 (eight years ago) link

http://deadspin.com/5712872/

macaroni rascal (polyphonic), Monday, 13 December 2010 20:53 (eight years ago) link

ah

ad hom alone (J0rdan S.), Monday, 13 December 2010 21:06 (eight years ago) link

the deej n whiney of b-ball

vladimir pootawn (am0n), Monday, 13 December 2010 21:07 (eight years ago) link

lol

symsymsym, Tuesday, 14 December 2010 02:03 (eight years ago) link

wow does he come off like a whiny bitch there. i mean if you release a book for everyone to read i think people have the right to critique it.

I do enjoy reading Simmons, but he really is coming off more and more like a douche lately; plus he's clearly nowhere near as funny as he used to be. I think he goes above and beyond to try to be "quotable", which results in a lot of stupidity

frogbs, Tuesday, 14 December 2010 21:35 (eight years ago) link

wow thats pretty bitchy to edit a guy out, feel liek he should prob release the emails in question at this point so we can all have closure

ice cr?m, Tuesday, 14 December 2010 22:26 (eight years ago) link

lol is that an unprotected copy of the book up on the espn content delivery network

ice cr?m, Tuesday, 14 December 2010 22:28 (eight years ago) link

That PDF isn't working for me anymore for some reason.

I Am Kurious Assange (polyphonic), Tuesday, 14 December 2010 22:32 (eight years ago) link

he also, uh, edited out a mention of free darko for some reason

http://freedarko.blogspot.com/2010/12/highlights-for-children.html

*plop*timist (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 14 December 2010 22:33 (eight years ago) link

what is this about

sportsguy33 Bill Simmons
Hey CPP: took you out of TBOB cuz you trashed it without ever mentioning that you used to email me all the time until I told you to eff off.

sportsguy33 Bill Simmons
I just thought it was dishonest. You came off like a spurned lover in that piece. But seriously, good luck with your red-hot career.

― ad hom alone (J0rdan S.), Monday, December 13, 2010 3:49 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is so lol! no one seems to grasp that the only people simmons hates are other journalists.

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 15 December 2010 00:47 (eight years ago) link

he reads blogs but he wishes he lived in a world where they didnt exist, even tho he is basically the proto sports blogger, its tuff

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 15 December 2010 01:03 (eight years ago) link

He was fine with them existing when he published the first edition though. What did FD do since then?

I Am Kurious Assange (polyphonic), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 18:22 (eight years ago) link

apparently they didn't like the book

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 15 December 2010 18:30 (eight years ago) link

Who is the most embarrassing of Bill Simmons' sycophantic friends (non-celebrity division): Joe House, Cousin Sal, "reality TV czar" Dave Jacoby, or JackO?

I Am Kurious Assange (polyphonic), Thursday, 16 December 2010 00:58 (eight years ago) link

u mean theyre not all the same person?

wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Thursday, 16 December 2010 01:03 (eight years ago) link

joe house, easily

call all destroyer, Thursday, 16 December 2010 01:09 (eight years ago) link

http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlla/files/2010/12/BillSimmons.jpg

omar little, Thursday, 16 December 2010 01:11 (eight years ago) link

the celebrity division isn't even a contest because of klosterman, right?

Clay, Thursday, 16 December 2010 01:14 (eight years ago) link

yup!

call all destroyer, Thursday, 16 December 2010 01:16 (eight years ago) link

plaid shorts: check
flip flops: check
not pictured: strip club handjobs

omar little, Thursday, 16 December 2010 01:18 (eight years ago) link

not pictured: strip club handjobs

and thank fuck for that

call all destroyer, Thursday, 16 December 2010 01:25 (eight years ago) link

the celebrity division isn't even a contest because of klosterman, right?

― Clay, Wednesday, December 15, 2010 8:14 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

gladwell

ice cr?m, Thursday, 16 December 2010 05:24 (eight years ago) link

^^ I was gonna say

I always thought it was funny that Simmons friends all have the most typical/predictable names. Not the ppl listed by poly but just random "buddies" he'll bring up in a column

*plop*timist (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 16 December 2010 05:39 (eight years ago) link

lol this is what i was talking about upthread re the names of simmons' friends

I flew to San Fran to hang out with my buddies Bish, Mikey and Hopper

seriously who the fuck has friends ACTUALLY named "bish" & "hopper" -- sounds like something from "porky's" or some shit

return of the nakh (J0rdan S.), Friday, 17 December 2010 18:02 (eight years ago) link

Jeez, man. Jeez. I didn’t realize guys like this had friends; I assumed they were all rapey basement loners. We reviewers and commenters seem to be in agreement that it’s not cool—so who’s out there egging him on? Am I misjudging the sleaziness of the American male?

yes

Pussy v. Sperguson (Princess TamTam), Friday, 17 December 2010 18:05 (eight years ago) link

yeah i was gonna say. as gross as simmons' stuff can be, i have heard much, much worse from dudes who would otherwise consider themselves to be "normal guys" and "not misogynists." these aren't people i spend time with, i should add, but there are TONS of guys who partition their lives along gender lines. guys are for being friends with, women are for fucking (or for ~relationships~ if you're a pussy). gross thought it may be, it's not rapey basement loner talk, it's five dudes getting a pitcher at the bar talk

kanellos (gbx), Friday, 17 December 2010 18:10 (eight years ago) link

those passages are foul, tbqf, shit like that is exactly what makes me avoid reading his columns now. i'm gonna guess he was raised in a manner that caused him to view women as either childbearers or strippers.

omar little, Friday, 17 December 2010 18:32 (eight years ago) link

ha, his column today is rife w/ all types of shit like that

return of the nakh (J0rdan S.), Friday, 17 December 2010 18:34 (eight years ago) link

Question: So my buddies and I came up with a new move we call "The Art Modell." It's where you meet a girl and go home with her that night. Then after she's fallen asleep, and under the cover of night, you move out of there as fast as you can. Use it with my compliments, OK?
-- Brian, Chicago

Answer: Or, you could pull the "Clay Bennett": Repeatedly tell her you're not going to leave, then leave while she's still awake and looking at you saying, "Where are you going?" as David Stern nods approvingly from 1,500 miles away.

return of the nakh (J0rdan S.), Friday, 17 December 2010 18:34 (eight years ago) link

i hope his wife leaves him for sheryl swoopes

omar little, Friday, 17 December 2010 18:41 (eight years ago) link

loll

ice cr?m, Friday, 17 December 2010 18:42 (eight years ago) link

ugh

xps

kanellos (gbx), Friday, 17 December 2010 18:43 (eight years ago) link

bish is such a nasty name

ice cr?m, Friday, 17 December 2010 18:45 (eight years ago) link

i also found his life advice to tiger woods pretty dbaggy though i don't recall the specifics at the moment.

omar little, Friday, 17 December 2010 18:47 (eight years ago) link

the wnba digs always niggled at me the most, it just seems unnecessarily cruel. i mean i dont watch the stuff either, but i dont understand the hunger to marginalize it - crosses the line between lunkheaded insensitivity and outright bullying imo

everything else i can understand being turned off by too, but i hear (and say) stuff so much worse when im broing down (not in mixed company mind u~) that im pretty desensitized to it i guess

Pussy v. Sperguson (Princess TamTam), Friday, 17 December 2010 18:48 (eight years ago) link

i think it's not so much the digs as the all encompassing worldview he seems to have, like this casual everyday attitude that women can't be your friends and are just *~~such hilarious creatures loool~~*

omar little, Friday, 17 December 2010 18:52 (eight years ago) link

fwiw, i've definitely hung out with women who share an equally segregated view of the world---guys can't be your friends, and are such hilarious creatures, and ryde but boys will be boys, right girls??

it's alien to me, but it's out there you know

kanellos (gbx), Friday, 17 December 2010 19:01 (eight years ago) link

i guess it's all part of being the broiest bro, but i don't really see why you would write about watching hours of porn/buddies' nicknames for dick moves etc. at all. let alone as a sports columnist. let alone in a published book about basketball.

the 'executive decision' with his wife (and then crowing about it!) is pretty fucking astonishing.

mookieproof, Friday, 17 December 2010 19:05 (eight years ago) link

i dont understand how he made an "executive decision" not to use birth control

max, Friday, 17 December 2010 19:06 (eight years ago) link

i mean he implies he did it in secret?

max, Friday, 17 December 2010 19:06 (eight years ago) link

but like... did she not notice he wasnt using a condom?

max, Friday, 17 December 2010 19:06 (eight years ago) link

also isnt that essentially rape

max, Friday, 17 December 2010 19:07 (eight years ago) link

right, it's a bullshit anecdote imo

kanellos (gbx), Friday, 17 December 2010 19:07 (eight years ago) link

true dat, and even though i tend to think it *feels* a little nastier coming from the dudes, either way it's just weird but still totally common. xxxxp

omar little, Friday, 17 December 2010 19:07 (eight years ago) link

pretty much

mookieproof, Friday, 17 December 2010 19:07 (eight years ago) link

i'm assuming that the birth control thing is just a really terrible joke

return of the nakh (J0rdan S.), Friday, 17 December 2010 19:08 (eight years ago) link

he just wanted to "coin" "pulling the goalie"

kanellos (gbx), Friday, 17 December 2010 19:08 (eight years ago) link

horribly formed joeks

mookieproof, Friday, 17 December 2010 19:09 (eight years ago) link

it's kind of a fucked up mind that would think that joke is a good one to tell imo

omar little, Friday, 17 December 2010 19:09 (eight years ago) link

it's all part of being the broiest bro

yup. he and his buds are getting immortalized in his columns as just the funniest, rowdiest, best buds ever. i mean, "the hangover" was basically a simmons column taken to its logical conclusions, with simmons' character spending the night on the roof

kanellos (gbx), Friday, 17 December 2010 19:11 (eight years ago) link

h8 this guys compulsive need to validate his worldview more than his worldview tbh, funny how bro culture is all abt being on the same page at all times, not exactly traditional masculinity

ice cr?m, Friday, 17 December 2010 19:11 (eight years ago) link

i think the 'segregated world view' is a red herring, idk - i dont think it means anything if u only wanna be friends w/dudes, i know plenty of people like that who manage to not publish a hardcover book containing a joke about raping your wife and then giving it a nickname like it's a wrestling move

Pussy v. Sperguson (Princess TamTam), Friday, 17 December 2010 19:12 (eight years ago) link

his columns have always been littered with his pet neologisms and Rules and Theories and w/e. i know plenty of ppl that fucking LOVE coming up with shit like that, making up yr own in-crowd funny-guy cant that, in simmons' case, he seems to eagerly hope will enter the popular lexicon.

i mean i don't follow sports, and haven't read a sports guy column in years, but the Ewing Theory is permanently etched into my brain as 'conventional wisdom' now

xps

kanellos (gbx), Friday, 17 December 2010 19:14 (eight years ago) link

funny how bro culture is all abt being on the same page at all times, not exactly traditional masculinity

― ice cr?m, Friday, December 17, 2010 1:11 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

word

and it's not just about only wanting to be friends with dudes, its that being friends with women is impossible and sort of unthinkable. that blog that was just linked made an excellent point, that i think is totally fundamental to how he operates: he just assumes that women could never in a million years be a part of his sports-y world. like women can be sports fans, but they can't be Sports Fans. his wife being the Sports Gal is just an honorific---she's married to the Sports Guy! who else could she be!

kanellos (gbx), Friday, 17 December 2010 19:18 (eight years ago) link

funny how bro culture is all abt being on the same page at all times, not exactly traditional masculinity

― ice cr?m, Friday, December 17, 2010 2:11 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

this is kinda bullshit, i mean its 'bro' culture not rugged individualist culture - its about celebrating bonds w/likeminded dudes, there's no deception there

Pussy v. Sperguson (Princess TamTam), Friday, 17 December 2010 19:19 (eight years ago) link

yeah i mean i've got friends w/segregated world views and they're not particularly mean about it. iirc some of them have even been to wnba games so w/e

omar little, Friday, 17 December 2010 19:20 (eight years ago) link

xp well it's not that bullshit, in that these guys seem to couch their conceptions of masculinity almost entirely in broing down. if yr just going off simmons' worldview, 'rugged individualism' is something for the greats in the Pantheon, not regular men.

kanellos (gbx), Friday, 17 December 2010 19:23 (eight years ago) link

funny how bro culture is all abt being on the same page at all times, not exactly traditional masculinity

― ice cr?m, Friday, December 17, 2010 2:11 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

this is kinda bullshit, i mean its 'bro' culture not rugged individualist culture - its about celebrating bonds w/likeminded dudes, there's no deception there

― Pussy v. Sperguson (Princess TamTam), Friday, December 17, 2010 2:19 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permal

i wasnt saying hes trying to represent something other than bro culture just that i dont vibe it

ice cr?m, Saturday, 18 December 2010 00:50 (eight years ago) link

btw i love the term 'bro culture'

ice cr?m, Saturday, 18 December 2010 00:50 (eight years ago) link

ugggh that executive decision anecdote

dayo, Saturday, 18 December 2010 00:59 (eight years ago) link

loooool is simmons really against the idea of playing fantasy sports with a female

also lol at bill simmons employing "some of my best friends are black" argument

Sometimes I like just hanging out with my guy friends. My wife likes hanging out with her friends.

dayo, Saturday, 18 December 2010 11:20 (eight years ago) link

it was too bad, feel like I could have been tricked into reading this book, no longer

dayo, Saturday, 18 December 2010 11:20 (eight years ago) link

he really should carve out the pyramid and sell an aggressively edited 100 pg novella size version of it every other year after the finals- like how sedaris sells those same three stories as holidays on ice every effing xmas-- would read and would cut out nearly all the unnecessary "cool story bro" trash

i see you're still wearing bs on tv (agent hibachi), Monday, 20 December 2010 00:58 (eight years ago) link

should build a pyramid, blog from inside

ice cr?m, Monday, 20 December 2010 01:30 (eight years ago) link

"i also found his life advice to tiger woods pretty dbaggy though i don't recall the specifics at the moment."

I mostly recall his insane bit comparing Woods comeback to Ali's comeback.

Fig On A Plate Cart (Alex in SF), Monday, 20 December 2010 19:04 (eight years ago) link

his understanding of gender and women and possibly life rises to the level of a bud light ad

omar little, Monday, 20 December 2010 19:05 (eight years ago) link

replicate? bud light?

HERE WE GO!

wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Monday, 20 December 2010 19:05 (eight years ago) link

sportsguy33 Bill Simmons
Come on, UConn women! One half to go! #espnforcedmetotypethistheyareholdingaguntomyheadrightnowhelppleasesendhelp
1 minute ago

I Am Kurious Assange (polyphonic), Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:03 (eight years ago) link

he has a daughter, right?

max, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:08 (eight years ago) link

good luck 2 her

max, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:08 (eight years ago) link

is that your comedy hash tag or did he really write that - if the latter that's pretty O_o

dayo, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:08 (eight years ago) link

no he really wrote that

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:08 (eight years ago) link

man, are there any non-shitty sportswriters at all? like who write intersting and are not douche bags?

wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:15 (eight years ago) link

i like brian philips but i'm guessing you mean someone from the MSM

just woke up (lukas), Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:16 (eight years ago) link

joe posnanski

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:17 (eight years ago) link

i'll take any1 at this point

wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:18 (eight years ago) link

roger angell is still alive

just woke up (lukas), Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:19 (eight years ago) link

bob ryan seems like a decent guy from what I've heard of him on PTI, never read his stuff tho

dayo, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:20 (eight years ago) link

In May 2003, Ryan appeared on Sports Final, a local sports talk show airing on WBZ-TV. At that time, Ryan said that Joumana Kidd, then-wife of then-New Jersey Nets guard Jason Kidd needed someone to "smack" her for taking her son T.J., then 4 years old, to NBA play-off night games where they could be taunted.[22] He accused Joumana of being an exhibitionist and using the child as a prop to get television time.

johnny crunch, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:30 (eight years ago) link

was gonna say, old ass writer gonna have some baggage

wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:31 (eight years ago) link

O_o thought he was a dece liberal new england dude

dayo, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:31 (eight years ago) link

well he is but he said something dumb on tv, whatcha gonna do

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:32 (eight years ago) link

i will h8 him 4 eternity, dont know bout u

wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:36 (eight years ago) link

I dunno, I see the UConn thing as more along the lines of a story that ESPN has overhyped beyond its own importance (i.e. his previous "I wish ESPN.com users could block any beaten into the ground stories. I'd block "Sterger," "concussions," "lockout" + "cell phone dongs.", or "FYI: NOBODY cares how Minny's roof collapse affects Favre's streak. We care about fantasy/gambling/playoffs + if game will be shown on TV.").

I have been reading Simmons for so long that his schticky stuff rolls right off me now, though, so maybe I don't even notice the more "women be shoppin'/bad at sports" stuff anymore. The only time I really got annoyed was after the 2007 Patriots-Colts game when he wrote some insane diatribe about how the officiating was so clearly biased and that the world was out to get the Patriots. I guess I like him when he is calling out non-story stories, and dislike him when he is making his own non-story stories.

C-L, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:38 (eight years ago) link

guarantee w/zero doubt that if it was a men's team and the hype was high, simmons would either be breaking down whatever team it was with references to the nicolas colasanto seasons of 'cheers' or saying nothing negative at all.

omar little, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:43 (eight years ago) link

Oh no doubt, but I honestly think if a modern men's team was about to win 89 straight, it would really be a MUCH bigger achievement. Women's basketball is super top-heavy (right now #11 Kentucky is beating Arkansas-Pine Bluff 85-21, and #7 West Virginia already beat UNC-Charlotte 71-39), and three straight undefeated seasons while presumably multiple players would be bailing to the NBA every year would be a coaching miracle. UConn's streak really is just having much better players than almost everyone they play.

C-L, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:47 (eight years ago) link

yeah but it's fucking 89 games

wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:48 (eight years ago) link

its like saying, well wilt scoring 100 pts and averaging like 20 re wasnt as big a deal because competition back then was shit but then you have to think...fuck thats 100 goddamn points, how is there even time for that

wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:49 (eight years ago) link

yeah for real, and let's not pretend simmons' inevitable clowning of this achievement comes from his rather shall we say interesting views on women.

omar little, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:51 (eight years ago) link

comes from anything other than

omar little, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:51 (eight years ago) link

ok yeah but game to game the streak is a complete bore. 2 of those games have been decided by < 10 points. 2!!!!

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:52 (eight years ago) link

^^^not a simmons defense, but the espn coverage is ridic

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:53 (eight years ago) link

It's probably gonna be like 100-150 or something by the end of it. Except for the 1 point win over Baylor they've beaten everybody by like 20 at least. (They also apparently beat Simmons's alma mater by 80!). I know nothing about WCBB, but aside from a few games away at ranked opponents (Stanford and West Virginia and some other Big East schools) they're probably clear until the tournament.

C-L, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:54 (eight years ago) link

I think if Women's basketball had more exciting games he could gamble on, he'd shut up, also.

The solution is clearly to have Gus Johnson announce more Women's College Basketball games.

C-L, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 01:56 (eight years ago) link

there are probably plenty of exciting wnba and wcbb games, he's just...well, the evidence speaks for itself imo.

omar little, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:00 (eight years ago) link

women's basketball is great to watch, it's a lot more 'fundamental' and there's a lot less showboating. teams get by on teamwork

dayo, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:03 (eight years ago) link

when did you turn 60?

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:05 (eight years ago) link

I'll watch a quality women's bball game over the fuckin bobcats vs. the nets any day

dayo, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:08 (eight years ago) link

ok sure, you are saying "i would rather watch a good game than a bad game"

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:09 (eight years ago) link

which is why i have no interest in watching uconn blow out yet another hapless opponent

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:10 (eight years ago) link

yeah but also saying that just cause it's women's bball doesn't mean it's by default a bad game

dayo, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:10 (eight years ago) link

no of course it doesn't--but uconn demonstrates that the competitive imbalance in women's bball is pretty wacky imo

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:13 (eight years ago) link

i mean full disclosure i think most men's college ball is pretty bad too; everyone just struggles so much to score

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:14 (eight years ago) link

yeah but I dunno good hoops isn't just about scoring

I think the overall lesson we can all take away from this is never pay attention to sports journalism

dayo, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:15 (eight years ago) link

womens basketball is horrible and in no way more fundamentally sound than mens, they really just dont play v well in comparison, clowning them a lil is reasonable, simmons vendetta is kinda strange tho

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:18 (eight years ago) link

xp you can't possibly think that everyone in college is just playing fabulous team defense

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:22 (eight years ago) link

nah but they bring way more hustle to the defense on every play than the pros

dayo, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:23 (eight years ago) link

bleh

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:24 (eight years ago) link

I was gonna try to make a point about the generally superior athleticism of NBA basketball, but I am watching Dallas-Orlando and Hedo Turkoglu fell down awkwardly trying to dunk like five minutes ago. Dude ruins everything.

C-L, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:24 (eight years ago) link

Dude got pushed in the back by Dirk. Not his fault. This time.

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:39 (eight years ago) link

hedo dunk fail was a total lol

wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Wednesday, 22 December 2010 02:50 (eight years ago) link

On the subject of betting, I gotta think it's good fun to bet on women's basketball because there's so much less traffic. Probably easier to find bad lines.

I Am Kurious Assange (polyphonic), Wednesday, 22 December 2010 06:45 (eight years ago) link

Everything feels like a cliché at this point: Friends overreacting in a crowded room every time CBS throws it to New York for a highlight; aging media guys awkwardly throwing out fantasy jokes to seem hip (so annoying, especially when the mainstream media treated fantasy with such contempt once upon a time); Hollywood typically botching the boom with FX's show about an eight-team league (seriously, do you know ANYONE in an eight-team league???); and, of course, more and more women playing fantasy football and, in some cases, integrating all-male leagues.

I hate the last trend for about 656 reasons, but mainly this one: If you asked any guy in 2000 what stereotypical things were unique to us -- things we had for ourselves, partly because we liked them and partly because guys just need to do things with other guys sometimes, and that's just the way it is -- they may have mentioned sports, fantasy, strip joints, Vegas, bad action movies, golf trips, urinals and/or long car trips in which one person keeps farting and bumming out everyone else in the car while laughing hysterically. That was the top-eight "Just F---ing Let Us Be Cavemen For Old Times' Sake" list in some order.

Well, this turned out to be the decade when we lost Vegas -- you're just as likely to see flocks of female friends moving in packs now, only they're drunker, louder and clumsier -- and lost exclusivity over the fantasy domain as well. Pretty soon, we're only going to have golf, farting and urinals. (Note: That easily could have been the title for Adam Carolla's upcoming book; he went with "In Fifty Years, We'll All Be Chicks" instead.) I just wish we had better delineation. If women want to play fantasy football, fine. Just start your own leagues. Give us that one day or night when we sit around a table for five hours, fart, burp, drink, eat gross food, bust balls and say inappropriate things. Let us give our teams names like "Premature Pitinos" without wondering if we might offend you. Give us four months of e-mail chains in which we rip on each other -- and occasionally flip out and get pissed off -- without worrying about offending the opposite sex. I swear, we don't ask for much. And don't turn it into a freaking discrimination thing. This isn't discrimination. Not letting you play at Augusta -- that's discrimination. Nobody said you couldn't start your own league. Knock yourselves out. But let us breathe. Let us bond. Let us have our all-male leagues without giving us crap about it. For the love of God. Or else in 50 years we WILL all be chicks.

Mr. Snrub, Friday, 24 December 2010 02:55 (eight years ago) link

lol sad dude

ice cr?m, Friday, 24 December 2010 02:59 (eight years ago) link

man, are there any non-shitty sportswriters at all? like who write intersting and are not douche bags?

― wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Tuesday, December 21, 2010 8:15 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

ken davidoff's been writing his ass off lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMf0MTweXYc (Princess TamTam), Friday, 24 December 2010 03:00 (eight years ago) link

i dont even understand at ALL what hes talking about in that fantasy thing - is there some ruling body that's forcibly integrating male and female leagues???? its not like you need to be sanctioned to have a fantasy league!! and its not like you need to invite anybody who you dont want to be in it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMf0MTweXYc (Princess TamTam), Friday, 24 December 2010 03:06 (eight years ago) link

Fantasy Title IX, iirc

C-L, Friday, 24 December 2010 03:39 (eight years ago) link

Let us bond. Let us have our all-male leagues without giving us crap about it. For the love of God. Or else in 50 years we WILL all be chicks.

someone clearly needs to beat the shit out of him. it'll be masculine, like hockey, he'll love it

mookieproof, Friday, 24 December 2010 03:54 (eight years ago) link

its funny because all this needy bro bonding is pretty you know feminine

ice cr?m, Friday, 24 December 2010 03:57 (eight years ago) link

"we don't ask for much."

lenonsense (Clay), Friday, 24 December 2010 04:00 (eight years ago) link

it also seems like bill simmons knows a bunch of lame women

J0rdan S., Friday, 24 December 2010 04:02 (eight years ago) link

and while we're on the subject of misogyny and fantasy sports

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSfDPkIq1oY

J0rdan S., Friday, 24 December 2010 04:03 (eight years ago) link

it's just incredibly sad and pathetically in-character that the one thing that really steams this guy up is fucking women playing fantasy sports.

lenonsense (Clay), Friday, 24 December 2010 04:06 (eight years ago) link

I mean, in what way is this not a good thing, dude! Now your wife and her friends might get less eye-rolly when you want to talk about it incessantly! Win-win IMO.

lenonsense (Clay), Friday, 24 December 2010 04:07 (eight years ago) link

I just hate this guy more and more every day.

lenonsense (Clay), Friday, 24 December 2010 04:09 (eight years ago) link

also, isn't a woman who shares your interests more attractive? no -- they're just for the other stuff, like bearing not-necessarily-wanted babies

mookieproof, Friday, 24 December 2010 04:09 (eight years ago) link

Yeah that's sorta what I was getting at but didn't phrase it correctly. Women aren't allowed to taint the purity of homosocial guy stuff or we will literally become women.

lenonsense (Clay), Friday, 24 December 2010 04:12 (eight years ago) link

because guys just need to do things with other guys sometimes

*pause*

dayo, Friday, 24 December 2010 12:55 (eight years ago) link

man, are there any non-shitty sportswriters at all? like who write intersting and are not douche bags?

― wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Tuesday, December 21, 2010 8:15 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

Gregg Easterbrook?

once more Jagger faps the hivemind (symsymsym), Sunday, 26 December 2010 01:24 (eight years ago) link

lol you trolling

BIG SANTA aka the sleighdriver (J0rdan S.), Sunday, 26 December 2010 01:35 (eight years ago) link

yes i am : )

once more Jagger faps the hivemind (symsymsym), Sunday, 26 December 2010 01:55 (eight years ago) link

I imagine his frat boy fanbase might email him some reasons why they aren't - entirely - against hoards of drunk girls in las vegas

iatee, Sunday, 26 December 2010 01:56 (eight years ago) link

What I find to be offensive about his constantly recurring refrain is that he seems like he's going to DIE if he doesn't have dude time that is separate and apart from time with women, and women who don't respect that just don't know their place.

Single-sex outings are not just for dudes. And he's a douchebag for implying it. And yeah, if you want to have an all-male fantasy football league, have an all-male fantasy football league. Its just like if you want to go hang out with your buddies and not your wife/gf, go do it. Don't act like its something you are entitled to and/or must necessarily have in order to be a complete human being.

Sauvignon Blanc Mange (B.L.A.M.), Monday, 27 December 2010 17:05 (eight years ago) link

well right. that it's something to be aggrieved about is what's so o_O about his whole ish. i am all for dude time for dudes to be dudes (ffs i am scheduling a second-annual boys only no girls allowed ski trip w/bros right now), but wouldn't pretend for a second that if/when some wives/girlfriends show up that they are anything but completely welcome.

honestly can't understand how his wife puts up with it, esp when he's airing out his insecurities in a column read by millions(?) of ppl

kanellos (gbx), Monday, 27 December 2010 17:11 (eight years ago) link

This reminds me of the Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd relaysh in knocked up. "you wanna go to India? Go to India. Go to India." and when he's caught going to his fantasy baseball league and confesses that he leaves home to do shit by himself. And she's all I like spiderman. Like women wanna do shit by themselves sometimes too but they aren't so selfish (ime) to feel entitled and whine about it.

infinity rebounding stats (m bison), Monday, 27 December 2010 17:13 (eight years ago) link

Also lol @ simmons' basically advocating for separate but equal fantasy leagues. Need some espn v board of education shit right herre.

infinity rebounding stats (m bison), Monday, 27 December 2010 17:17 (eight years ago) link

honestly can't understand how his wife puts up with it, esp when he's airing out his insecurities in a column read by millions(?) of ppl

― kanellos (gbx), Monday, December 27, 2010 12:11 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

the millions of dollars prob help

ice cr?m, Monday, 27 December 2010 17:25 (eight years ago) link

and the fact that its clearly shtick

ice cr?m, Monday, 27 December 2010 17:25 (eight years ago) link

His wife's sidebar columns for ESPN confirmed for me that he is married to a woman who validates his worldview.

I Am Kurious Assange (polyphonic), Monday, 27 December 2010 17:29 (eight years ago) link

Yeah. She's probably not too pissed when they get the royalty checks. Fair point.

Sauvignon Blanc Mange (B.L.A.M.), Monday, 27 December 2010 17:31 (eight years ago) link

i feel like we are almost at the point of nick picking bill simmons where i come to his defense, ehhh

ice cr?m, Monday, 27 December 2010 17:32 (eight years ago) link

His dad seems like a cool dude.

I Am Kurious Assange (polyphonic), Monday, 27 December 2010 17:42 (eight years ago) link

i know it's different people posting, but the difference between this thread and the adam carolla thread is sort of amazing to me.

circles, Wednesday, 29 December 2010 19:53 (eight years ago) link

yeah i would never set foot in an adam carolla thread

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 29 December 2010 20:01 (eight years ago) link

haha ditto

kanellos (gbx), Wednesday, 29 December 2010 20:07 (eight years ago) link

more like ball semens

old man yells at cloud computing (am0n), Wednesday, 29 December 2010 22:44 (eight years ago) link

carolla thread is for true g's only, u scrubs wouldnt be welcome anyway

Princess TamTam, Thursday, 30 December 2010 00:48 (eight years ago) link

dont want to alarm u all but simmons has a column up comparing brady/manning to biggie/tupac

ice cr?m, Friday, 7 January 2011 18:50 (eight years ago) link

the comparison is basically pointless but the football content of the column is good

call all destroyer, Friday, 7 January 2011 18:56 (eight years ago) link

lol whats up w/him making up fake nicknames for pats/colts games

ice cr?m, Friday, 7 January 2011 19:07 (eight years ago) link

I really liked it, especially the Mo Cheeks coda at the end, and all of the stuff where Brady is unconcerned about where things match up on the mythical lists of greatness. Like the whole point of the article other than Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are good at quarterbacking is that the amount of column inches and sports talk radio/TV hours spent engaged in the discussion are basically just unnecessary entertainments unrelated to the actual games and those involved. He spends all this time discussing EPIC RIVALRY and then Brady is like "Yeah Peyty's a good dude, I'm just tryna do me"

C-L, Friday, 7 January 2011 19:08 (eight years ago) link

simmons comes this close to owning up to being a fabulist then backs off w/thats what its all abt vegas baby!

ice cr?m, Friday, 7 January 2011 19:16 (eight years ago) link

typical

ice cr?m, Friday, 7 January 2011 19:16 (eight years ago) link

whats a fabulist

Princess TamTam, Friday, 7 January 2011 19:16 (eight years ago) link

like, the best list ever, obviously! Duh.

EZ Snappin, Friday, 7 January 2011 19:18 (eight years ago) link

http://grab.by/8fJO

check out this sweet chrome plugin i have

ice cr?m, Friday, 7 January 2011 19:18 (eight years ago) link

nice to see he hasn't lost his touch for absurd statistical prediction allowing manning to smash every cumulative record including favre's game streak

cf. his utterly ridiculous prediction of durant's stats from before last year where his reasoning was basically "he improved every stat 30%, that should continue indefinitely with no leveling off"

i see you're still wearing bs on tv (agent hibachi), Friday, 7 January 2011 21:56 (eight years ago) link

u couldnt have just said 'liar'?

Princess TamTam, Friday, 7 January 2011 21:57 (eight years ago) link

tbh at first i thought u were implying he was a homo

Princess TamTam, Friday, 7 January 2011 21:58 (eight years ago) link

haha

ice cr?m, Friday, 7 January 2011 22:04 (eight years ago) link

I liked that article but homie needs an editor.

I Am Kurious Assange (polyphonic), Friday, 7 January 2011 22:08 (eight years ago) link

lol tamtam

actually a good summary of most of his brady articles would be 'mancrush but no homo lol'

i see you're still wearing bs on tv (agent hibachi), Saturday, 8 January 2011 00:51 (eight years ago) link

sports guy bros down w/dickie barrett in l.a. *boston explodes*

ice cr?m, Friday, 14 January 2011 22:38 (eight years ago) link

inventor of ska breaks into sports writers house

am0n, Friday, 14 January 2011 22:45 (eight years ago) link

one month passes...

yeah, i still get really excited about the trade value column

J0rdan S., Thursday, 17 February 2011 18:04 (eight years ago) link

its a great feature 4 sure

ice cr?m, Thursday, 17 February 2011 19:02 (eight years ago) link

lol "empty calories all-star team"

call all destroyer, Thursday, 17 February 2011 19:06 (eight years ago) link

37. Serge Ibaka
Think how much better he's gotten just in the past 12 months … then think about the fact that he's only 21 … then remember that, by the time he turned 20, he had already survived a violent civil war in the Congo, been separated from his 18 siblings, survived on his own in Spain and Oklahoma City, learned his third and fourth languages and morphed into a playoff contender's key shot-blocker/rebounder despite the fact that he started playing organized basketball only five years ago. I'm not betting against Sergeballu LaMu Sayonga Loom Walahas Jonas Hugo Ibaka.

i like this argument

ice cr?m, Thursday, 17 February 2011 19:49 (eight years ago) link

4. Derrick Rose
I still have him as the MVP. If you disagree, go look at the standings, try to find me 10 games in which Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah played together, then watch Keith Bogans play for 10 minutes. Derrick Rose did more for that team through the first 50 games than anyone else did for their team; doesn't make him the best player, just the most valuable. At least so far. Of course, we can't sleep on this scenario, courtesy of Tim in Troy:

"I think we could have a Hakeem Olajuwon/David Robinson situation brewing with the 2011 MVP: What if Rose gets presented with the trophy in front of LeBron before a Bulls-Heat Round 2 playoff game? I picture a standard LeBron Eff You game (40, 10 and 10, five mean dunks, sits for the fourth quarter) making Hakeem's shakedown of The Admiral look like a birthday present."

Great call. Yet here's the difference between Rose and Robinson: Rose would get ticked off by the Eff You performance, try to match it … and then it would be on like Donkey Kong. Have I mentioned how excited I am for the 2011 playoffs? I've mentioned that, right? We're definitely getting Boston-Chicago, Boston-Miami or Chicago-Miami in Round 2. Round 2!!!! Any one of those three matchups will be old-school, '80s-style, no-handshaking bloodbaths. I can't wait for the refs to get overprotective and screw it up.

ok this enrages me for a number of reasons a. the mvp is not necessarily the best nba player inane self serving media fallacy b. the bulls are winning w/defense (1st in defensive efficiency, 17th in O) and rose is not a good defender c. if rose gets exposed in the playoffs its not going to be by someone who plays a dif position scoring a lot of points its gonna be by a team baiting him into taking bad shots making turnovers and exposing his defense d. the ever present kobe bryant memorial spectacularness premium, rose is not playing nearly as good as the same old real mvp candidate guys, but he looks really good doing it

ice cr?m, Thursday, 17 February 2011 20:20 (eight years ago) link

rose is not playing nearly as good as the same old real mvp candidate guys, but he looks really good doing it

interesting point

i still think mvp = dirk, if not bron bron

J0rdan S., Thursday, 17 February 2011 20:41 (eight years ago) link

bron is so much better than everyone, its boring, w/e i kind of feel like all the nba awards are so constantly unjustly distributed they should just do away w/them

ice cr?m, Thursday, 17 February 2011 20:46 (eight years ago) link

true for every sport?

J0rdan S., Thursday, 17 February 2011 20:47 (eight years ago) link

yeah prob i dont follow the other sports closely enough to make an accurate comparison tho

ice cr?m, Thursday, 17 February 2011 20:48 (eight years ago) link

well it feels like there's far less inconsistency year-to-year for individual bball players than like baseball or football. once you hit your peak production, you can spend several years there as long as you put in the work.

call all destroyer, Thursday, 17 February 2011 20:54 (eight years ago) link

tru

J0rdan S., Thursday, 17 February 2011 20:55 (eight years ago) link

i'm too lazy to link to the article showing how Rose has developed into an above avg defender this year.

A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Thursday, 17 February 2011 21:30 (eight years ago) link

damn man, he can develop into and above avg defender and you can't link to a gd article?

call all destroyer, Thursday, 17 February 2011 21:32 (eight years ago) link

they really should just rename it the Most Outstanding Player award. I don't think Rose has been that.

A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Thursday, 17 February 2011 21:39 (eight years ago) link

Bill Simmons’ new site will be entertaining, well-written, funny and provocative. Its development is driven by Bill’s vision to provide fans a place to spend time, read, and think.

* The graphic style of the site, designed by renowned magazine designer Walter Bernard, will be simple and elegant, in order to set it apart from the daily rush of sports news.
* The site will host Bill’s columns and podcasts, but unlike Page 2, it will not be based on the sports events of the day or the current sports calendar.
* In addition to Bill’s works, the site will include columns and essays about sports and pop culture from leading journalists.
* Bill is building a team of lesser-known, talented young writers and editors to capture new voices and commentary on sports and pop culture.
* We anticipate some edgy topics and writing, but such content will remain the exception.
* About 70 percent sports, 30 percent pop culture, with less video than other ESPN sites.
* Bill sees the site functioning with limited fan interaction, including a selection of about 300 fans with exclusive access to comment on the site and interact with contributors.

call all destroyer, Friday, 18 February 2011 17:17 (eight years ago) link

'exclusive commenters' is kinda an interesting idea, its another tier of writers for people to get to know

ice cr?m, Friday, 18 February 2011 17:41 (eight years ago) link

* The site will host Bill’s columns and podcasts, but unlike Page 2, it will not be based on the sports events of the day or the current sports calendar.

this seems p unrealistic

ice cr?m, Friday, 18 February 2011 17:42 (eight years ago) link

i assumed that was referring to the rest of the content more than bill's stuff.

and i'm v. glad the site will not be commenter free for all

call all destroyer, Friday, 18 February 2011 17:44 (eight years ago) link

the two confirmed hires are klosterman and katie baker btw

call all destroyer, Friday, 18 February 2011 17:45 (eight years ago) link

and this guy

williamfleitch Will Leitch
Two great great hires in a week. RT @LaneBrown Exclusive! Today is my last day at Vulture. I'm joining Bill Simmons' new site
56 minutes ago Favorite Retweet Reply

ice cr?m, Friday, 18 February 2011 17:46 (eight years ago) link

huh--he is just some blogger i guess?

call all destroyer, Friday, 18 February 2011 17:47 (eight years ago) link

http://nymag.com/author/lane%20brown/

ice cr?m, Friday, 18 February 2011 17:50 (eight years ago) link

"deputy entertainment editor"--i guess he will be the main pop-culture person or something

call all destroyer, Friday, 18 February 2011 18:01 (eight years ago) link

the pop culture part of this site is going to be painful as will the aspiration toward a literary sports writing ideal, predictions

ice cr?m, Friday, 18 February 2011 18:05 (eight years ago) link

klosterman's sports essays are usually p. good, really liked the football one in his new book, basically in favor of anything that lets him do some more sportswriting

not in favor of anything that lets simmons write more pop culture stuff, his dedication to survivor and road rules is mind-boggling

i see you're still wearing bs on tv (agent hibachi), Friday, 18 February 2011 19:08 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

another writer for his new site http://thisrecording.com/today/2011/3/4/in-which-we-sound-the-airhorn-for-mollys-very-last-this-reco.html

ice cr?m, Friday, 4 March 2011 22:11 (eight years ago) link

interesting considering how strange he can be abt women in his writing that he hired a woman who is often overtly feminist in hers, good on him http://thisrecording.com/today/2011/2/22/in-which-we-teach-you-how-to-be-a-woman-in-any-boys-club.html

ice cr?m, Friday, 4 March 2011 22:13 (eight years ago) link

let's hope they don't have to be in the same office, let alone the same fantasy football league

mookieproof, Friday, 4 March 2011 22:15 (eight years ago) link

yeah, guessing she'll be in "culture" section, not simmons' man-cave

pearsonic, Friday, 4 March 2011 22:53 (eight years ago) link

one month passes...

the new site is called "grantland" and a couple of preview pieces has been posted via his twitter

call all destroyer, Monday, 2 May 2011 22:47 (eight years ago) link

named after Grantland Rice, "a legend in the sports journalism world"

Anyone read anything by Grantland Rice? I'm not familiar.

reggaeton for the painfully alone (polyphonic), Monday, 2 May 2011 22:49 (eight years ago) link

no i had no idea who he was

call all destroyer, Monday, 2 May 2011 22:50 (eight years ago) link

a 6k word molly lambert piece published by espn.com = the definition of http://fourfour.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451b8c369e2014e5f4860df970c-800wi

J0rdan S., Monday, 2 May 2011 22:54 (eight years ago) link

u don't like molly?

call all destroyer, Monday, 2 May 2011 22:57 (eight years ago) link

anyway i'm excited for this -- i don't really care about a lot of the big names but chris ryan, bill barnwell, katie baker & tommy craggs (assuming he stays on) are all A++

J0rdan S., Monday, 2 May 2011 22:58 (eight years ago) link

xp her writing style, not really no

J0rdan S., Monday, 2 May 2011 22:58 (eight years ago) link

in doses

J0rdan S., Monday, 2 May 2011 22:58 (eight years ago) link

omg this katie baker piece is a monster too.

good thing i am stuck in this classroom.

call all destroyer, Monday, 2 May 2011 23:03 (eight years ago) link

yeah that thing is long as hell

J0rdan S., Monday, 2 May 2011 23:04 (eight years ago) link

I rate players on the Larry Bird scale. How close are they to Larry Bird. Magic Johnson was 97% Larry Bird, and Lebron is 93% Larry. Eric Dampier and Brendan Haywood are separated by about 73 MicroLarries, mostly because Haywood brings more presence.

The biggest question when determining how Larry someone is: does he have that "it"? Larry bird had "it." That presence that made the fans in the stand know that any minute, you could hit that big shot. I came up with this talking to my friend Dwayne at the Celtics versus Bulls in 1988. It was pretty cold February evening, and the Cs were down by 2 with 5 seconds left on the clock. If they didn't hit this shot, it would be a long, cold walk back to my car. Bird got the ball at the elbow on an inbounds, and I turned to Dwayne and said, "Bird's going to hit it. I can feel it." As the shot went in, I knew I was on to something.

cum dude (Princess TamTam), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:03 (eight years ago) link

Back then it was tough to get by as a sports journalist. Povitch, Kornheiser, and a few other dominated the columns. I would sell some columns to the Globe occasionally, but it was mostly local papers. None of them, of course, covered travel or tickets. I would suck dicks in times square at $5 a pop so I could buy a ticket to the Garden, which was what we called MSG at the time since TD hadn't been built yet, to cover the Cs at the Knicks. Tickets were $22.75, but I wasn't about to charge $2.75 for that fifth dick. Besides, I wanted a soda, usually Sprite. One time this guy hit me right between the eyes with his cum. It was amazing. "You've got Bird accuracy, man." I told him. He paused for a second before he zipped up. "Yeah, uh, sure," he said before he walked away. I was hoping he recognized me from my columns but then remembered none of them had printed my picture next to them yet. My big break would be five years and two Celtics championships away

cum dude (Princess TamTam), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:07 (eight years ago) link

I turned to my buddy Weasel and asked "Hey Weez, what do you think Paul Pierce's dick looks like?" He was like "Oh for sure it's gotta be wicked huge. Do you think Bill Russell had a bigger dick? Which one would you rather suck?" I told him that Russel probably had a bigger dick, but it would get uncomfortable with his hands on the back of your head since he had all those championship rings.

I got into the office and asked Cheryl, the intern, what she thought. Anyway, I've been suspended and my column will be back on ESPN.com at a date to be determined.

cum dude (Princess TamTam), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:08 (eight years ago) link

think abt "it"

Clay, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:08 (eight years ago) link

he said in his 'the wire'/playoffs column today that he or GMs (or whoever) never thought that z-bo would have a sense of 'the moment' like he did when he went off at the end of game 5 vs the spurs & it struck me as such a dumb thing to say -- z-bo taking over the end of a game when he's clearly been the best player in the series doesn't mean he had any sense greater than common sense

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:09 (eight years ago) link

lol ade

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:10 (eight years ago) link

Whenever you put together a circlejerk, you've got to follow my formula. Five megasplashers aren't going to get the job done, because they all bring the same thing to the table. It's like five Daniel-sans all trying to crane kick one Billy Zabka. That's too many cooks in the kitchen, which is something that's just going to spill, something I learned when cooking chicken wings with too many guys in Jimmy Kimmel's kitchen, and we lost a bunch on the floor to my dog Dooze.

Anyway, what you want is a real jizzmaker, someone like Peter North, who is the Larry Bird of cum. Then you want a quiet leader type, your Parrish/Bill Russell types, someone like Sean Michaels. Then want a playmaker, someone willing to do it all himself, your Ray Allen/Seymour Butts. Finally, you round it out with two character guys willing to cum off the bench, the kind of guys who'll do the face drip from above or maybe let out a YAAAAAHHH that gets the crowd going.

Without it, you're the Heat, and you're not going to win according to my formula, which I wrote here in 1999 and updated here in 2001, and here, here, here and here, after last year's finals. But this will always work.

cum dude (Princess TamTam), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:11 (eight years ago) link

haha it makes sense that youre a goon

dayo, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:11 (eight years ago) link

at least that wire piece had the upside of being the last straw with me ever reading this guy again. been waiting on that one for a few years.

Clay, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:12 (eight years ago) link

the funny thing is that i found the durant/westbrook = avon/stringer analogy from months ago to be acceptable, but this was a bit much

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:19 (eight years ago) link

wondering if z-bo or jamal crawford has had the bad guy gone good story this playoffs

dayo, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:21 (eight years ago) link

jamal crawford's an extremely good guy! just not a Proven Winner or w/e

cum dude (Princess TamTam), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:23 (eight years ago) link

yeah def! he's been a fave of mine for years, z-bo too. and one day ya'll are gonna come around on j.r. smith too

dayo, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:24 (eight years ago) link

so is this grantland thing gonna fail horribly or what, seems like classic overreach

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:42 (eight years ago) link

The best thing Simmons can do is just let the folks he hired run the thing, because he did hire a lot of worthwhile people.

Still, "Grantland"?

reggaeton for the painfully alone (polyphonic), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:56 (eight years ago) link

I'm picturing a fansite devoted to brian grant, run by bill simmons

dayo, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 06:57 (eight years ago) link

thatd be a site i could really get into

i like some of the writers but i dont think theyll necessarily have wide appeal particularly to the espn demo - the whole high minded long form anti news cycle concept is not exactly a proven page view generator - and simmons has p much lost his fastball and seems uninterested in writing, he at least used to be v readable now its just like v sludgy

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 07:09 (eight years ago) link

poor brian grant has Parkinson's :(

Clay, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 07:20 (eight years ago) link

!!!! whaaaaa

dayo, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 07:23 (eight years ago) link

damn guy is only like 40

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 07:29 (eight years ago) link

yeah he lives in Portland now and does some work with the team. There's a big Parkinson's dinner at the RG every year that he hosts (my gf worked it and served Michael J Fox last year!) but every time he speaks during halftime during a fundraiser or whatever it's super heartbreaking :(

Clay, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 07:37 (eight years ago) link

he at least used to be v readable now its just like v sludgy

yeah there are some people who could keep cranking out good columns while also doing hours of podcasts and managing a new website and having a family and whatever else, but he is not one of those people.

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 13:22 (eight years ago) link

kinda doubt family takes up much of his time tbh

i see you're still wearing bs on tv (agent hibachi), Thursday, 5 May 2011 18:26 (eight years ago) link

ill probably drop in on this site just to see what a few of the writers (and klosterman- he's a great sports almost-troll) are doing but yeah...even the name seems off.

i see you're still wearing bs on tv (agent hibachi), Thursday, 5 May 2011 18:27 (eight years ago) link

and agreed that wire/playoffs column was just so much overworked gimmick. like a four hour epic film based on a mad lib.

i see you're still wearing bs on tv (agent hibachi), Thursday, 5 May 2011 18:28 (eight years ago) link

"Grantland" is such a stupid name.

Mr. Snrub, Thursday, 5 May 2011 21:18 (eight years ago) link

is he feuding with olbermann just because olbermann thought a jfk joke was offensive?

dblake (symsymsym), Sunday, 8 May 2011 20:44 (eight years ago) link

yep.

EZ Snappin, Sunday, 8 May 2011 20:45 (eight years ago) link

christ olbermann

J0rdan S., Sunday, 8 May 2011 20:45 (eight years ago) link

Not the first time they've been mad at each other.

reggaeton for the painfully alone (polyphonic), Monday, 9 May 2011 00:22 (eight years ago) link

http://www.mrdestructo.com/2011/05/bill-simmons-and-grantland.html

Bill Simmons is to Grantland Rice what Tucker Max is to Hunter Thompson.

Princess TamTam, Wednesday, 11 May 2011 22:44 (eight years ago) link

that was... very hardbody

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 11 May 2011 22:56 (eight years ago) link

pretty sure that blog post was longer than the entire output of grantland to date

dblake (symsymsym), Thursday, 12 May 2011 08:22 (eight years ago) link

his opinions about music are really cool and original tho: http://www.mrdestructo.com/2009/11/av-clubs-50-best-albums-of-decade-are_9501.html

dblake (symsymsym), Thursday, 12 May 2011 08:24 (eight years ago) link

take it to ilm pal

Princess TamTam, Thursday, 12 May 2011 09:13 (eight years ago) link

I feel like Barkley's walking back his comments re: gay players on this Simmons/Klosterman podcast.

clever dummy (boxall), Friday, 20 May 2011 20:15 (eight years ago) link

my friend started reading big book of basketball and describes it like this: "it was like what a homosexual blowjob to a straight guy who passed out reads like"

farty f baby (Princess TamTam), Tuesday, 24 May 2011 07:14 (eight years ago) link

wait. does the straight guy pass out before he gets the blow job or after?

Aimless, Tuesday, 24 May 2011 19:18 (eight years ago) link

probably a better thread for this but.. gonna be away from the computer for a few weeks and also lookin to step down from the post-season without going cold turkey. anyone got any rec's for a good hoops read? not sure what kind of thing i'm lookin for here, maybe not a memoir? something sort of broad-ish? some good play analysis ish in there maybe? last decade would be a plus. dunno, thinking out loud i guess but wld be psyched for a suggestion or two. thx ilh bros

bear, bear, bear, Wednesday, 25 May 2011 02:43 (eight years ago) link

breaks of the game (1979) and seven seconds or less are both pretty great and entertaining. the last shot, about high school players in coney island featuring a cameo from a super-douchey sophomore stephon marbury, also gets pretty epic.

marc gasloi (symsymsym), Wednesday, 25 May 2011 08:39 (eight years ago) link

awesome, thanks dude. was figuring on just grabbing a handful, so if I can find em in town, I'm in. McCallum one looks great.

bear, bear, bear, Wednesday, 25 May 2011 08:56 (eight years ago) link

yeah, it's really fun. eddie house and alvin gentry each have tons of hilarious quotes iirc

marc gasloi (symsymsym), Wednesday, 25 May 2011 09:02 (eight years ago) link

was going to recommend seven seconds or less myself, curious how it would read with some hindsight on the dantoni suns. also I thoroughly recommend The Last Shot which is a great investigation into coney island basketball culture in the 90s and how inner city kids are manipulated by recruiters. sounds a bit grimmer than it is, though it's pretty grim. main profile is of a 15 year old stephon marbury's high school squad!

Clay, Wednesday, 25 May 2011 09:16 (eight years ago) link

oh lol didn't see symsym also recommends last shot! sorta skipped over it after seeing 7 secs or less.

Clay, Wednesday, 25 May 2011 09:17 (eight years ago) link

yeah def gonna shoot for both of those

bear, bear, bear, Wednesday, 25 May 2011 09:31 (eight years ago) link

the breaks of the game is fascinating too, especially if you enjoy david halberstam's patented way way too much detail style...there's twenty pages devoted to every benchwarmer's life story, but he still somehow makes it both compelling and relates each life to the path of the blazers and the state of the nba as a whole. ilh's numerous blazers fans can rep for it, right?

marc gasloi (symsymsym), Wednesday, 25 May 2011 09:32 (eight years ago) link

the 2nd best nba book ever (after the book of basketball obv)

marc gasloi (symsymsym), Wednesday, 25 May 2011 09:33 (eight years ago) link

http://books.google.com/books?id=4kLJkLerSaAC&printsec=frontcover&img=1&zoom=1&l=220

feat. "fuck you, bill."

am0n, Wednesday, 25 May 2011 19:03 (eight years ago) link

It was a sultry afternoon, and midway through the game, we went inside to the Dugout Club to cool off and talk. Simmons sounded as if he was having some regrets about Grantland. “It hasn’t been as much as fun as I had thought,” he told me. “I’m not sure I would do it again.” Too much of his time was being spent in the office, dealing with administrative tasks, which was encroaching on his column.

☂ (max), Wednesday, 1 June 2011 14:09 (eight years ago) link

“Come on, you’ve won two titles in a row!” Simmons said. He went on to compare Kay to a guy who picks up women at a bar for two weeks straight, “and then strikes out once and complains about it.”

we really need to start a rolling thread of eye rolling bill simmons analogies

dayo, Wednesday, 1 June 2011 15:08 (eight years ago) link

no we dont

mississippi john hurt, but alabama john feeling okay (m bison), Wednesday, 1 June 2011 15:11 (eight years ago) link

“I printed out those 6,000-word columns and took them to the bathroom just like everybody else,” says A. J. Daulerio, the 37-year-old editor in chief of Deadspin, Gawker’s sports blog.

jeez I didn't know you felt so strongly about this!

dayo, Thursday, 2 June 2011 01:02 (eight years ago) link

i hope grantland is good, but we'll see

b.o.s.e. (banned ones still envy) (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 2 June 2011 02:52 (eight years ago) link

A version of this article appeared in print on June 5, 2011, on page MM41 of the Sunday Magazine with the headline: CAN BILL SIMMONS BIG ONE?.

max tldr (k3vin k.), Thursday, 2 June 2011 03:01 (eight years ago) link

wow that article is the most effective argument i've ever read for simmons being a legit douchebag

call all destroyer, Thursday, 2 June 2011 03:29 (eight years ago) link

"40 year old fratboy" is generally nagl as a way to live your life

b.o.s.e. (banned ones still envy) (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 2 June 2011 03:30 (eight years ago) link

yeah i feel like bill usually demonstrates one redeeming quality or another but nope not in that piece

call all destroyer, Thursday, 2 June 2011 03:35 (eight years ago) link

gawker

ESPN regular-guy superstar sports blogger writer blah etc. Bill Simmons is starting his own boutique sports site, Grantland, in the very near future. Is he excited? "It hasn't been as much as fun as I had thought," he tells the NYT magazine. "I'm not sure I would do it again." Pretty encouraging words, from the boss! Your staff is prepared to follow you to the ends of the earth and beyond, Bill Simmons!

lol

ice cr?m, Thursday, 2 June 2011 17:52 (eight years ago) link

Simmons is a funny, intelligent and original writer. He comes up with surprising angles and conceits — in a column last month, he applied quotes from “The Wire” to moments in the N.B.A. playoffs — that may not always work but certainly prevent him from becoming predictable.

loll waht writing a wire themed nba column is prob the most predictable thing he couldve done

ice cr?m, Thursday, 2 June 2011 19:49 (eight years ago) link

i guess it's novel if youve never read him--author claims he's a fan so it's one of those nyt things where they take the reader's hand and lead them around

call all destroyer, Thursday, 2 June 2011 19:55 (eight years ago) link

yo bill: less tweeting and website starting and podcasting; more column writing. thx

pearsonic, Thursday, 2 June 2011 21:25 (eight years ago) link

Reeling at the idea of Hipster Runoff, Humblebrag, and Bill Simmons in business together.

polyphonic, Thursday, 2 June 2011 21:28 (eight years ago) link

You guys need to listen to his podcast from today. Simmons talks to the guy who wrote the ESPN oral history book and he goes into a tangent about how he shouldn't have talked to him because he comes across like an asshole.

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 2 June 2011 21:32 (eight years ago) link

I turned it off after five minutes because it was so awkward.

polyphonic, Thursday, 2 June 2011 21:40 (eight years ago) link

yeah really the only podcasts he does that are worth it are the nba guys (stein/bucher/etc), his random wizards fan friend who seems pretty funny and they mostly stick to actually talking about basketball, and a few of the one-shot guests when he knows enough to mostly shut up and get out of the way like when jackie macmullen showed up a month or so ago

a slight case of joe johnsonitis (agent hibachi), Thursday, 2 June 2011 21:58 (eight years ago) link

This one is utterly embarrassing. He mentions that he thought he came across a little rough, then they have to talk about, and then he brings it up again later, and ends with another mention because the guy is going to add some stuff and remove others when it comes out in paperback.

Confirms all the insecurities of the NYTimes piece.

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 2 June 2011 22:27 (eight years ago) link

that photo is so weird -- i think the concept is fine but his expression is bizarre

b.o.s.e. (banned ones still envy) (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 2 June 2011 22:29 (eight years ago) link

it's so photoshopped, also since when did bill simmons look like alec baldwin

dayo, Friday, 3 June 2011 00:11 (eight years ago) link

haha i was just thinking, he's looking sorta distinguished (meaning old) lately

Princess TamTam, Friday, 3 June 2011 00:20 (eight years ago) link

Glenn beck imo

cop a cute abdomen (gbx), Friday, 3 June 2011 01:45 (eight years ago) link

You guys need to listen to his podcast from today. Simmons talks to the guy who wrote the ESPN oral history book and he goes into a tangent about how he shouldn't have talked to him because he comes across like an asshole.

― EZ Snappin, Thursday, June 2, 2011 5:32 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

listening now; this is really lol. miller is handling it well.

call all destroyer, Friday, 3 June 2011 19:12 (eight years ago) link

He handles it like a pro, even though he's obviously perplexed. I would have loved to see Miller's face as Bill whines and complains.

EZ Snappin, Friday, 3 June 2011 19:16 (eight years ago) link

i am feeling this kind of aghast anticipation for learning what exactly the overlap is of the aesthetics of bill simmons and carles

call all destroyer, Monday, 6 June 2011 16:57 (eight years ago) link

carles on grantland is gonna be so ridiculous & unintentionally hilarious

J0rdan S., Monday, 6 June 2011 17:12 (eight years ago) link

that is really one of those ideas that everyone should've been excited about for 10 mins after it was pitched before slowly realizing that it's an awful, awful idea

J0rdan S., Monday, 6 June 2011 17:13 (eight years ago) link

http://hoosieraccess.com/files/2010/01/snl_really.jpg

Clay, Monday, 6 June 2011 20:57 (eight years ago) link

carles is gonna be on grantland?!?!

*pumps fist*

dayo, Tuesday, 7 June 2011 00:15 (eight years ago) link

he was listed among the "contributors"

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 7 June 2011 00:18 (eight years ago) link

we all know what hes gonna write abt

hipster jay cutler

johnny crunch, Tuesday, 7 June 2011 00:21 (eight years ago) link

knowing that bill simmons reads carles is an unfortunate colliding of the worlds in my head

I would have been much more comfortable knowing that simmons was unaware of carles's existence

dayo, Tuesday, 7 June 2011 00:24 (eight years ago) link

I could give a fuck about Carles, only name on the contributors list that matters is KEN TREMENDOUS.

(I also like Katie Bakes a lot, and Simmons himself. But seriously this could be like 99% garbage plus twice-yearly Mike Schur writing about sports/anything and it would give me something to read at least twice a year.)

C-L, Tuesday, 7 June 2011 00:28 (eight years ago) link

knowing that bill simmons reads carles is an unfortunate colliding of the worlds in my head

I would have been much more comfortable knowing that simmons was unaware of carles's existence

― dayo, Monday, June 6, 2011 8:24 PM (1 hour ago)

i was just thinking about this

positive rapper (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 7 June 2011 02:22 (eight years ago) link

I skimmed the NYTMag piece, only lol was "baseball stat fetishization." Proof that sportswriters are the lowest form of life (ie God bless Barry Bonds).

the gay bloggers are onto the faggot tweets (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 7 June 2011 02:29 (eight years ago) link

19 hours until Grantland!!!!

polyphonic, Tuesday, 7 June 2011 20:31 (eight years ago) link

welp http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6635763/welcome-grantland

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:00 (eight years ago) link

ball semens

am0n, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:01 (eight years ago) link

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmhb7goxVB1qa9bmvo1_400.png

☂ (max), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:02 (eight years ago) link

http://s0.2mdn.net/3159010/Subway_Grantland_SponsorByLogo_Pages.png

am0n, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:02 (eight years ago) link

the design of the site really really looks like a free wordpress theme

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:11 (eight years ago) link

totally!

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:13 (eight years ago) link

omg it seems that simmons only created this site so he could post his columns on a layout that has a permanent footnote column

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:33 (eight years ago) link

Why is the top third of the page so horrible? Do they not have any designers at all over there?

polyphonic, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:35 (eight years ago) link

design critique 4 u bill smins

http://grab.by/cB0Z

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:45 (eight years ago) link

Eight and a half years have passed. I can't remember how Jimmy answered, just what his face looked like. You wouldn't call it nervous, you wouldn't call it overwhelmed, you wouldn't call it anything … he didn't fucking know.

going for that "hard pg-13" i guess

unique housing opportunity (swanbed.gif) (govern yourself accordingly), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:45 (eight years ago) link

Thank god they have someone covering the AL east!

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:52 (eight years ago) link

it looks like yard work! which was when, 2005?

johnny crunch, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:00 (eight years ago) link

omg yard work! I miss that.

polyphonic, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:08 (eight years ago) link

I love the defensive descriptions of the coming soon sites on the last. SEE, WE COULD'VE CALLED IT "FOXBORO" BUT WE DIDN'T!!

polyphonic, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:15 (eight years ago) link

on the left, rather.

polyphonic, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:15 (eight years ago) link

Wow, this site has no content. What happened to the Katie Bakes story?

polyphonic, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:16 (eight years ago) link

the links to the second page of the articles are fucked up--they open the piece in a single page but kick you back to the beginning.

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:52 (eight years ago) link

haha this totally looks like someone using a wordpress theme in like late 2006 to try to emulate mcsweeneys or arts and letters daily

"presented by klondike"

a slight case of joe johnsonitis (agent hibachi), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:53 (eight years ago) link

also footnotes basically suck, it's like extra tldr

you're a professional, professionally put that shit into the body as a point you're trying to make or leave it out, you're not citing academic journals or something

a slight case of joe johnsonitis (agent hibachi), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:55 (eight years ago) link

footnote: they are hilarious when used properly

a slight case of joe johnsonitis (agent hibachi), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:55 (eight years ago) link

the klosterman story was a fun read!

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 18:01 (eight years ago) link

re footnotes it maybe has something to do w/the strange phenomenon of dfw becoming an avatar for hack writers harboring pretensions everywhere

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 18:04 (eight years ago) link

Grantland is ugly, but it's a shit ton easier to read/look at than Gawker Media's current format.

boots get knocked from here to czechoslovakier (milo z), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 18:17 (eight years ago) link

Yeah the design is amateurish but I'm not gonna say that bothers me in the least. As long as the articles are easy to read, right? But I agree with the "hard PG-13" comment above, it's like he knew he could use one "fuck" in his column and was just debating where to put it

frogbs, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 18:24 (eight years ago) link

it looks like yard work! which was when, 2005?

tbh if grantland had rotating banners (including, naturally, BIG BEAR) all would be a-ok here

unique housing opportunity (swanbed.gif) (govern yourself accordingly), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 18:42 (eight years ago) link

Willing to bet that Klosterman, not Simmons, is the one that pushed for Carles.

Cunga, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 18:55 (eight years ago) link

going out on a limb with that

Cunga, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 18:56 (eight years ago) link

cant believe icey writes for grantland

cop a cute abdomen (gbx), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 18:59 (eight years ago) link

http://deadspin.com/5810019/why-grantland-rice-sucked

polyphonic, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 21:25 (eight years ago) link

Who are you, LeBron James? What's inside you? And why do I care so much? http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6640925/time-lebrondown-part-ii

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:21 (eight years ago) link

is that his dad by any chance?

positive rapper (k3vin k.), Thursday, 9 June 2011 03:06 (eight years ago) link

indeed it is

J0rdan S., Thursday, 9 June 2011 03:06 (eight years ago) link

that's one of the most depressing photos i've ever seen

J0rdan S., Thursday, 9 June 2011 03:06 (eight years ago) link

i'm way too lazy to dig up all the instances when simmons trashed the bruins, tho i'm sure someone else is on it

J0rdan S., Thursday, 9 June 2011 03:07 (eight years ago) link

Yeah, he crushed them when they were losing.

polyphonic, Thursday, 9 June 2011 05:14 (eight years ago) link

well guys tbf his objection to the bruins was always about the fact that ownership didn't spend to the level it could have in the 80s and 90s, and this issue has been made completely irrelevant by the nhl hard cap. so yeah now he's back on the horse but so are a lot of people, it's hockey for chrissakes, it's barely a major sport and lends itself to the bandwagon because the playoff version is so vastly different from/better than the reg season version--essentially he's me with a lot more money.

call all destroyer, Thursday, 9 June 2011 05:24 (eight years ago) link

oh also i don't fuck w/merch from any team

call all destroyer, Thursday, 9 June 2011 05:28 (eight years ago) link

That LBJ piece was underwhelming. ffs simmons, get up off your ass and write something!

Mr. Snrub, Thursday, 9 June 2011 10:51 (eight years ago) link

feelin pa simmons whole look

ice cr?m, Thursday, 9 June 2011 11:22 (eight years ago) link

kinda like mark twain in dockers

goog lebron paul (am0n), Thursday, 9 June 2011 14:29 (eight years ago) link

He reminds me of Michael Jeter in The Fisher King:

http://www.thirdfactory.net/images/fisher_king.jpg

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 9 June 2011 14:33 (eight years ago) link

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmhb7goxVB1qa9bmvo1_400.png

smh

goole, Friday, 10 June 2011 18:24 (eight years ago) link

Looks like einstein

$5.00 Footlongs (thebingo), Friday, 10 June 2011 19:04 (eight years ago) link

hahahaha they punctuated carles hahahahaha

why did anyone think this was a good idea whyyyyyyy

J0rdan S., Friday, 10 June 2011 19:42 (eight years ago) link

THEY TYPED "MAIN BRO" ON THE FRONT PAGE

JUST A VERY COOL & EDGY WEBSITE

NOT THAT I DON'T <3 CARLES BUT

J0rdan S., Friday, 10 June 2011 19:43 (eight years ago) link

okay that carles article really isn't working for me.

just, like, domesticated carles is no carles at all.

Clay, Friday, 10 June 2011 19:55 (eight years ago) link

yeah this is just... no

carles poems on the playoffs or no carles at all

J0rdan S., Friday, 10 June 2011 19:58 (eight years ago) link

That Carles article reminds me of Steve Martin when he wants to be a Serious Writer bro.

Cunga, Friday, 10 June 2011 20:02 (eight years ago) link

i will say--they are putting up more stuff per day than i have time for, and i love to kill time at work.

call all destroyer, Friday, 10 June 2011 20:06 (eight years ago) link

o what did they do to my carles

ice cr?m, Friday, 10 June 2011 20:51 (eight years ago) link

he went to college and came back with all these crazy ideas in his head

xpost

Cunga, Friday, 10 June 2011 21:17 (eight years ago) link

I want a hit counter but also midi music playing while I read

Cunga, Friday, 10 June 2011 21:18 (eight years ago) link

I liked the Carles article. It's fun to see him try to class it up slightly.

polyphonic, Friday, 10 June 2011 21:19 (eight years ago) link

id be funny if carles slowly morphed into a 'serious writer' w/a 'real career'

ice cr?m, Friday, 10 June 2011 21:31 (eight years ago) link

guys this website sux stop liking it :(((

hella screens (am0n), Friday, 10 June 2011 21:42 (eight years ago) link

lol

polyphonic, Friday, 10 June 2011 21:48 (eight years ago) link

yeah i don't really get the fascination. bunch of shitty writers congealing around bill simmons of all people, whoop-tee-doo.

Clay, Friday, 10 June 2011 21:48 (eight years ago) link

well a bunch of shitty writers and carles.

Clay, Friday, 10 June 2011 21:49 (eight years ago) link

I like a lot of the writers I guess.

polyphonic, Friday, 10 June 2011 22:00 (eight years ago) link

i like carles and molly lambert and sometimes simmons on the nba and prob some of the other writers not totally sure whos who, but mostly i think were approaching this from an 'amateur media criticism and rubbernecking' pov

ice cr?m, Friday, 10 June 2011 22:03 (eight years ago) link

i get what you're saying there but i think mostly it's like the last thing i want from simmons et al is a reason for them to take themselves really seriously, and this site seems to indulge in that and oh man, no thanks on that.

just write about the nba, bill! i'll take a thousand terrible gm summits to whatever this endeavor is.

Clay, Friday, 10 June 2011 22:06 (eight years ago) link

it def has the potential to be horribly awful!

ice cr?m, Friday, 10 June 2011 22:10 (eight years ago) link

i mean there is no way in hell im reading dave eggers on wrigley field or two separate articles on some defunct sports newspaper

ice cr?m, Friday, 10 June 2011 22:11 (eight years ago) link

i will however agree check out the piece on baldwins twitter :/

ice cr?m, Friday, 10 June 2011 22:12 (eight years ago) link

oh christ of course eggers is writing for them i mean duh of course

Clay, Friday, 10 June 2011 22:16 (eight years ago) link

theyre puttying out a quarterly journal w/mcsweeneys lmao

ice cr?m, Friday, 10 June 2011 22:23 (eight years ago) link

i mean there is no way in hell im reading dave eggers on wrigley field

oh man i thought this was a joke but no

a slight case of joe johnsonitis (agent hibachi), Saturday, 11 June 2011 14:12 (eight years ago) link

hahahaha they punctuated carles hahahahaha

why did anyone think this was a good idea whyyyyyyy

― J0rdan S., Friday, June 10, 2011 3:42 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

have you looked at HRO lately? he's punctuating himself

Thought Pierce's article on the National was pretty interesting, maybe only because I have vague memories of reading my dad's copy every day when it was out.

boots get knocked from here to czechoslovakier (milo z), Saturday, 11 June 2011 23:05 (eight years ago) link

heh, i think deadspin is just gonna make scocca their full-time grantland assassin

http://deadspin.com/5811438/

☂ (max), Monday, 13 June 2011 19:04 (eight years ago) link

grantland's footnotes are killing me. i don't know how these articles look on a regular computer, but on my iPhone and iPad you can't hit the "back" button and go to the original spot in the article you were just at. nope, it takes you all the way to the top of the page and you have to scroll all the way down to where you were reading. and you have to do that over and over again. what a piece of shit website.

Mr. Snrub, Tuesday, 14 June 2011 22:33 (eight years ago) link

Rock VORP
By Chuck Klosterman
How important is Albert Hammond Jr. to the Strokes? Grantland does the math.

the day we all feared

ice cr?m, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 18:53 (eight years ago) link

lolll

little dieter wants to FUCK (Princess TamTam), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 18:59 (eight years ago) link

baaaaaarf

polyphonic, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 19:06 (eight years ago) link

shit that looks like an Onion article but isn't

A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 19:13 (eight years ago) link

it really is awful

goole, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 19:17 (eight years ago) link

omg

Clay, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 19:20 (eight years ago) link

By Chuck Klosterman

dayo, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 20:20 (eight years ago) link

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmhb7goxVB1qa9bmvo1_400.png

☂ (max), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 20:32 (eight years ago) link

a ronald thomas clontle reference!

unique housing opportunity (swanbed.gif) (govern yourself accordingly), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:08 (eight years ago) link

god that is just the worst article written by the worst person with the worst taste

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:12 (eight years ago) link

http://nymag.com/images/2/daily/intel/08/03/07_chuckklosterman_lgl.jpg

"I give props to my ninjas and kudos to my serfs."

jag goo (k3vin k.), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:15 (eight years ago) link

i can't stand klosterman but actually sort of enjoyed his first couple grantland things....was giving me hope...that hope has been cruelly snatched away.

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:26 (eight years ago) link

people who listen strictly to rock music should not write about music

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:27 (eight years ago) link

it's the vh1-ification of music

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:31 (eight years ago) link

unless you're writing about metal

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:32 (eight years ago) link

i've never knowingly read him before thank god...he is an astonishingly bad writer - maybe it's my age and i've read way too much writing like this from my peers, this terrible semi-ironic style where every other word is some sort of terrible in-joke or reference, like they're trying desperately, pathetically hard for a laugh - simmons obviously is on this spectrum but at his best he's smart enough and funny enough to the point where the signal drowns out the noise

jag goo (k3vin k.), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:35 (eight years ago) link

i mean it's a difficult balance to pull off - for every chuck klosterman there's a peak-era bill simmons, or a gabe from videogum (i don't check this site anymore unless my little brother makes me read something but even he grates on me now a little too)

jag goo (k3vin k.), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:36 (eight years ago) link

this is such a shit idea for an article & he's not even remotely close to being an interesting enough writer for it not to be one of the most boring things i've tried to read in a long ass time

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:39 (eight years ago) link

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6625899/three-man-weave

this was cool tho. maybe he should stick to reporting because the one thing he is not is witty, tho he really thinks he is.

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:41 (eight years ago) link

well he can certainly tell a story better than he can just be a dude writing a funny piece

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:45 (eight years ago) link

yeah the name is v familiar (i dont read much non-nerdy sports stuff lol) and i'm sure he's a decent writer when he just like, tries to write instead of being all cute or whatever, sorry that style i was referring to just in all seriousness infuriates me, like it might as well be in the fucking style manual that all under-30s refer to for their informal writings

jag goo (k3vin k.), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:47 (eight years ago) link

I didn't read the piece but I feel like I've heard that story before in other klosterman books

anyway it's pretty funny that b simmons invites the one writer in america who's capable of making more ham-fisted analogies with pop culture than himself

dayo, Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:47 (eight years ago) link

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6648606/absurdity-nba-half-court-rule

this was the other one i liked--argues that the rule where u can advance the ball to the frontcourt after a timeout in the last two minutes is unique in shortcutting the rules for the sole purpose of creating more excitement.

it's deliberately slight but idk it was something i had never thought about.

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:48 (eight years ago) link

anyway it's pretty funny that b simmons invites the one writer in america who's capable of making more ham-fisted analogies with pop culture than himself

― dayo, Tuesday, June 21, 2011 10:47 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

well why do you think simmons reveres him so much!

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:50 (eight years ago) link

lol i didn't read that piece but he is otm & it's something i've thought about before

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:51 (eight years ago) link

yeah that's a solid piece - nba has a bunch of rules like that one that are meant to facilitate scoring/offense - defensive 3 seconds, no hand checks, no turnover if guarded for 5 seconds like in college, etc

jag goo (k3vin k.), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 02:53 (eight years ago) link

one of the better things simmons has dug up is that this is basically the (awesome) story of the invention of the shot clock! i like that the nba is basically ok changing rules and explaining "this will make it more fun to watch"

a slight case of joe johnsonitis (agent hibachi), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 18:04 (eight years ago) link

yeah soccer could take a note eliminate offsides hint hint

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 22 June 2011 18:05 (eight years ago) link

baseball too give every player a gun hint hint

☂ (max), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 18:23 (eight years ago) link

hint hint

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 22 June 2011 18:48 (eight years ago) link

wow what is this column http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6693430/painting-nba-trade-picture

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 23 June 2011 01:53 (eight years ago) link

i scanned through that, noted that it was certainly written under the influence of cocaine, and moved on with my life.

Clay, Thursday, 23 June 2011 01:55 (eight years ago) link

i think fake trade talk is frivolous fun most of the time, but this is one of the most strained & absurd columns i've ever read

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 23 June 2011 01:56 (eight years ago) link

So the Nets turned $1.50 of coins into a $1 bill; they felt like they had to overpay because it was their one chance to acquire paper.

...

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 23 June 2011 01:57 (eight years ago) link

exactly.

Clay, Thursday, 23 June 2011 01:57 (eight years ago) link

like i'm sure this all seemed like a good idea in the process of writing it or whatever but don't you step back and look at your insanity now and then and just hit delete

Clay, Thursday, 23 June 2011 01:58 (eight years ago) link

So the Nets turned a roast beef sandwich into a tuna sandwich; they felt like they had to overpay because they were tired of eating roast beef for lunch.

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 23 June 2011 01:58 (eight years ago) link

You also have to feel for the Trade Machine, which will spend the summer hanging out on ESPN.com like a bored housewife who never gets hit on, looking sad, wearing tight clothes, and flirting with the pool boy in a desperate attempt to get noticed.

wait is this the O_o 2 thread?

dayo, Thursday, 23 June 2011 02:02 (eight years ago) link

yeah, there's not much to say about that kinda stuff at this point

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 23 June 2011 02:03 (eight years ago) link

I'm not sure how having Wes Johnson, Derrick Williams, Lamar Odom, andRon Artest helps them unless they flipped the no. 2 and Odom to Cleveland for the no. 1 and Anderson Varejao (then took Kyrie Irving)

what is this even

frogbracist (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 23 June 2011 02:06 (eight years ago) link

an intervention needs to be staged

dayo, Thursday, 23 June 2011 02:07 (eight years ago) link

this coins | money thing is so weird. why do I want to change coins into bills? I can use both at the taco bell?

dayo, Thursday, 23 June 2011 02:15 (eight years ago) link

Without further ado, let's make up 20 fake deals separated into various categories, and let's make sure none of them include the bogus "Monta Ellis for Andre Iguodala" swap, which makes no sense for the simple reason that Monta Ellis is better at basketball than Andre Iguodala. Anyway …

fuck u simmons everyone on ilh signed off on this trade!

call all destroyer, Thursday, 23 June 2011 02:29 (eight years ago) link

ilh has the best posting style, i'll admit

rebel yelp (gbx), Thursday, 23 June 2011 02:31 (eight years ago) link

simmons has written as much in the last week as he has in the previous tow years two years, its clearly taking a toll

ice cr?m, Thursday, 23 June 2011 03:37 (eight years ago) link

eh hem, me too

ice cr?m, Thursday, 23 June 2011 03:37 (eight years ago) link

the k-lost piece on the epic junior ND basketball game is good!

goole, Thursday, 23 June 2011 03:49 (eight years ago) link

The plug for this column on his Twitter was "I can't believe how much time I spent on today's column. It's a staggering opus of inanity. "

Also you all should read the thing where Mike Schur and another dude watch Pakistan and India play Cricket and write a 12,000 word liveblog on it. http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6657523/so-cricket-maybe

C-L, Thursday, 23 June 2011 03:52 (eight years ago) link

With labor trouble threatening the seasons of two of our four major sports, a pair of red-blooded Americans look overseas to fill the potential gap.

rebel yelp (gbx), Thursday, 23 June 2011 03:54 (eight years ago) link

i watched some cricket when i was in india, its p fn tedious imho, theyre nuts abt it tho, like there are no other popular sports there as far as i could tell, children walking around w/cricket bats everywhere etc

ice cr?m, Thursday, 23 June 2011 03:59 (eight years ago) link

a programmer i work with was basically useless during that shit!! it was really endearing tbh

goole, Thursday, 23 June 2011 04:02 (eight years ago) link

oh he's from india, is the point.

apparently there were some crazy upsets but i forget who over whom. the dutch over the jamaicans? or something

goole, Thursday, 23 June 2011 04:02 (eight years ago) link

When I was in college, I made a friend from Kenya who had never seen a baseball game, and when I asked him what he knew about baseball, he said that there was something called a catcher, and that there was "a man named Griffith Junior" who was supposed to be quite good. I found it endearing.

rebel yelp (gbx), Thursday, 23 June 2011 04:04 (eight years ago) link

he tried to explain what was going on and what the drama was -- apparently it's a beat-your-own averages kind of game. the batting order is stacked from best to worst, and uhh you keep hitting for some set amount of balls (6?). so basically you expect your best dudes to knock out all 6... i forget what this means for the running back and forth bit. so it's all about expected pace as the hours go by. i guess.

in the final match india had some top guys really blow it early (i think), so the middle-tier dudes had to step up and play much better. like, we have x balls left and need x(y) runs which isn't usually possible, but they did it.

anyway what i just wrote there is probably about as good as the grantland bit

goole, Thursday, 23 June 2011 04:09 (eight years ago) link

yeah india made an improbable comeback

ice cr?m, Thursday, 23 June 2011 04:11 (eight years ago) link

foreign stuff, man, what a trip

☂ (max), Thursday, 23 June 2011 04:13 (eight years ago) link

I imagine how cricket comes across to us is how baseball comes across to foreigners xp

dayo, Thursday, 23 June 2011 11:23 (eight years ago) link

i'll admit that that piece made me read a bunch about cricket on wikipedia

rebel yelp (gbx), Thursday, 23 June 2011 13:30 (eight years ago) link

The big upset was Ireland over England iirc - I enjoyed that cricket piece but I suppose I would. Is there anything else worth reading on Grantland? I imagine it as a terrible wasteland.

Gravel Puzzleworth, Thursday, 23 June 2011 14:42 (eight years ago) link

wait wtf is this trade value in silver dollars piece really

it's just the trade value column (usually good, and a comprehensible gimmick) rewritten four months later with an incomprehensible gimmick

also, almost every "dime" player he calls "fundamentally untradeable" has been traded in the past 0-24 months

a slight case of joe johnsonitis (agent hibachi), Thursday, 23 June 2011 18:29 (eight years ago) link

uhhhhh David Kahn on the podcast? uhhhhh

2 minutes in and it is already AWKWARD.

polyphonic, Tuesday, 28 June 2011 02:22 (eight years ago) link

*tunes in*

Clay, Tuesday, 28 June 2011 02:24 (eight years ago) link

saw that but i'm too scared to listen.

circles, Tuesday, 28 June 2011 03:02 (eight years ago) link

The piece about the writer who used his garage hoop to help get over his dad's suicide felt like it should have been so much better, but that's about par for Grantland - okay writing, but without anything interesting to say.

(also, Skip Bayless is a cunt)

bill magill (milo z), Tuesday, 28 June 2011 03:53 (eight years ago) link

They prove to all middle-American sports fans that "Soccer really IS the beautiful game, a-holes!" (This belief is actually 70 percent of the spirit that has driven the great Northwest Soccer Explosion in MLS.)

i have had this thought, tbh

rebel yelp (gbx), Tuesday, 28 June 2011 04:02 (eight years ago) link

could someone do a clusterfuck summary of the simmons-kahn podcast? i'm not good with high levels of awkwardness

get at me frog (symsymsym), Tuesday, 28 June 2011 09:00 (eight years ago) link

This is how I heard it, though to be honest I wasn't listening super close after the first few minutes because there was a lack of expected fireworks:

Simmons, when confronted, backs down as always, saying he didn't really say all these horrible things or mean them at any rate. Kahn is professional (and semi-delusional) throughout, backing his statements with plausible if not always defensible outside of his mind reasons. Bill awkwardly tries to rebut a few of them but basically concedes almost everything. What could - and should - have been a somewhat hostile encounter ends up being like him and Isiah Thomas in his book; Bill is cowed and afraid to end in disagreement.

If you want a peak into Kahn's thought process it's interesting. If you want a real discussion of long-term disagreements between the two parties or Kahn to challenge Bill's caricature of him than not really.

It's not as clusterfucky as the podcast with the guy who wrote the ESPN book. That was comedy gold if you wanted to see Simmons unhinged.

EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 28 June 2011 11:09 (eight years ago) link

thanks!

get at me frog (symsymsym), Tuesday, 28 June 2011 17:08 (eight years ago) link

kahn is a creepy mix of corporate dronespeak and smarminess.

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 29 June 2011 19:46 (eight years ago) link

lol so his master plan is to create a smallball team without defined roles

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 29 June 2011 19:52 (eight years ago) link

excuse me while i skip back aways but...oh man, americans talking about cricket is always first rate entertainment. i mean, understandably so, it is a truly odd 'game', but that doesn't diminish the fun. you will get closer to the byzantine truth if you just forget baseball at the outset, it is no help here. but then, why bother, cricket will never ever convert anyone that hasn't had it culturally beaten into them. it truly is the sport that defies you to like it.

Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, 29 June 2011 19:57 (eight years ago) link

while i am here i will say that although i was finally done with simmons a while ago now, despite my boston-biased efforts to hang in there, i kinda did want grantland to come off but it seems pretty terrible so far and i have decided i would at least enjoy a crash and burn if not actively root for it.

Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, 29 June 2011 19:59 (eight years ago) link

hey man i tried, gimme a break.

and believe me 'forgetting about baseball' is not hard for me to do

~edgy~ (goole), Wednesday, 29 June 2011 20:01 (eight years ago) link

in conclusion, as a guy who works in a large corporate environment i am extremely glad i do not work with david kahn.

i have run into guys like that and they are deeply uncool.

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 29 June 2011 20:15 (eight years ago) link

huh, one of the founders of the awl (the publisher david cho) is going to grantland

☂ (max), Wednesday, 29 June 2011 20:57 (eight years ago) link

i feel like for every person he hires that i like hes planning on hiring another person that i hate

☂ (max), Wednesday, 29 June 2011 20:58 (eight years ago) link

The Lorne Michaels theory

polyphonic, Wednesday, 29 June 2011 21:13 (eight years ago) link

wow theres a buttload of people writing for this site huh

ice cr?m, Thursday, 30 June 2011 00:16 (eight years ago) link

bill simmons on ryan reynolds

get at me frog (symsymsym), Thursday, 30 June 2011 17:37 (eight years ago) link

thought that was a pretty interesting article

dirty deathdrone boys (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 30 June 2011 17:38 (eight years ago) link

even if you need to strip away the "how hollywood is like the nba" arc

dirty deathdrone boys (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 30 June 2011 17:40 (eight years ago) link

i do not need a ryan renolds themed bill simmons think pece in my life, i do not need it!

ice cr?m, Thursday, 30 June 2011 17:48 (eight years ago) link

the will smith part is pretty otm actually

a slight case of joe johnsonitis (agent hibachi), Thursday, 30 June 2011 20:01 (eight years ago) link

i do not need a ryan renolds themed bill simmons think pece in my life, i do not need it!

Grantland.com succinctly summarized

Clay, Thursday, 30 June 2011 20:56 (eight years ago) link

i feel like for every person he hires that i like hes planning on hiring another person that i hate
― ☂ (max), Wednesday, June 29, 2011 4:58 PM

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmhb7goxVB1qa9bmvo1_400.png    LaBeouf

rip nyc chicken (am0n), Thursday, 30 June 2011 21:09 (eight years ago) link

lol

dirty deathdrone boys (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 30 June 2011 22:52 (eight years ago) link

muniz

☂ (max), Friday, 1 July 2011 12:39 (eight years ago) link

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6708682/the-math-problem

too easy i guess but i'm surprised we didn't take a doodoo on this one

bros -izing bros (k3vin k.), Friday, 8 July 2011 14:39 (eight years ago) link

it was way, way too easy

call all destroyer, Friday, 8 July 2011 15:45 (eight years ago) link

i mean, i'm sympathetic to the position but it was just a dumb article.

call all destroyer, Friday, 8 July 2011 15:46 (eight years ago) link

that piece has been savaged all over the place

gucci mande (J0rdan S.), Friday, 8 July 2011 15:54 (eight years ago) link

http://deadspin.com/5819051/dear-grantland-your-motto-is-wrong

this is really damning & unbelievable -- i can tell you from experience that editing is really not that hard, and even less hard is setting up a system so that you don't have a myriad of typos in your articles, especially when you have an unlimited budget and especially when you're posting like 3 stories a day, most of which aren't even much more than 1,000 words long. some of this shit is just embarrassing.

gucci mande (J0rdan S.), Friday, 8 July 2011 15:57 (eight years ago) link

yeah agreed

call all destroyer, Friday, 8 July 2011 15:59 (eight years ago) link

i will use this forum to offer my services as grantland copy editor--i only ask that they match my current salary and never make me meet bill simmons in person.

call all destroyer, Friday, 8 July 2011 16:00 (eight years ago) link

can't match your current salary but I can offer you a substantial share in the toronto raptors organization and only a 5% chance of ever meeting bill simmons in person

dayo, Friday, 8 July 2011 16:04 (eight years ago) link

i will have to discuss with my accountant and my attorney

call all destroyer, Friday, 8 July 2011 16:22 (eight years ago) link

(he means his cats)

A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Friday, 8 July 2011 16:28 (eight years ago) link

mr. fluffy jd & miss whiskers cpa

johnny crunch, Friday, 8 July 2011 16:40 (eight years ago) link

The least a copy editor can do is verify all the proper nouns and dates, which takes no time at all.

polyphonic, Friday, 8 July 2011 18:25 (eight years ago) link

the "I fix the NBA" column is so scattered. like he has a paragraph about how horrible donald sterling is and then uses the fact that he hasn't cut into the lakers' popularity as evidence that greater LA needs an 3rd franchise and chicago needs a 2nd.

circles, Saturday, 9 July 2011 22:58 (eight years ago) link

ha yeah the 'just get everybody into a room and figure it out ffs' line of reasoning is usual reserved for like the stupidest of all politicians etc

ice cr?m, Saturday, 9 July 2011 23:53 (eight years ago) link

thx again upthread dudes for the :07 seconds or less rec. after not paying thirty for a Chapters copy I was stoked to find it for six and change on getting home. great read

bear, bear, bear, Monday, 11 July 2011 01:16 (eight years ago) link

Even that fuck Mike Barnicle gets to write for this thing? Ugh.

polyphonic, Monday, 11 July 2011 19:13 (eight years ago) link

it was an inoffensive enough piece but yes my reaction was mike fuckin' barnicle? really?

call all destroyer, Monday, 11 July 2011 19:33 (eight years ago) link

that asshole disgraced himself in boston-area media years ago. it's amazing that anybody lets him write.

call all destroyer, Monday, 11 July 2011 19:38 (eight years ago) link

he must've been super nice to simmons when bill was a pup

gucci mande (J0rdan S.), Monday, 11 July 2011 19:44 (eight years ago) link

i can't figure out biographically where they would have crossed paths--maybe bu j-school? but yeah that would not shock me.

call all destroyer, Monday, 11 July 2011 19:49 (eight years ago) link

This story has been updated to correct the spelling of Colombia and to clarify that Megan Rapinoe was not a starter for the United States.

..................

gucci mande (J0rdan S.), Monday, 11 July 2011 20:29 (eight years ago) link

culumbia

call all destroyer, Monday, 11 July 2011 20:29 (eight years ago) link

that asshole disgraced himself in boston-area media years ago. it's amazing that anybody lets him write.

― call all destroyer, Monday, July 11, 2011 3:38 PM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yeah wtf this guys is like on tv all the time still after making up fake cancer patients just so he could push his self righteous butthole shtick

ice cr?m, Tuesday, 12 July 2011 02:22 (eight years ago) link

okay this is awesome http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6760779/the-legacy-yao

gucci mande (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 12 July 2011 20:51 (eight years ago) link

a 6k word molly lambert piece published by espn.com = the definition of

― J0rdan S., Monday, May 2, 2011 6:54 PM (2 months ago) Bookmark

aw i love molly lambert. it's weird to me that she's writing for bill simmons's vanity project but i'll take what i can get

horseshoe, Thursday, 14 July 2011 19:53 (eight years ago) link

i like her too generally speaking, it just seems really forced (which is no fault of her own)

J0rdan S., Thursday, 14 July 2011 20:05 (eight years ago) link

Mobley's current career plans included opening a medical marijuana dispensary

ice cold

dayo, Thursday, 14 July 2011 21:41 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

The Chris Ryan relegation piece?

boxall, Monday, 1 August 2011 18:54 (eight years ago) link

He is such a hack.

boxall, Monday, 1 August 2011 19:06 (eight years ago) link

lotta women falling into the grantland/deadspin overlap huh

Notinnymane (k3vin k.), Wednesday, 3 August 2011 19:35 (eight years ago) link

guess who was guest-hosting pti today

http://fastcache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/11/2011/08/368053050.jpg

if you guessed bill simmons' new mustache, you win!

Clay, Tuesday, 9 August 2011 06:43 (eight years ago) link

ahaha

circles, Tuesday, 9 August 2011 06:48 (eight years ago) link

a face made for TV

dayo, Tuesday, 9 August 2011 11:34 (eight years ago) link

can we just acknowledge that bill simmons is not suited for anything outside of writing. sounding like a 20 year old fratboy when you're 45 is nagl

dayo, Tuesday, 9 August 2011 11:35 (eight years ago) link

who doesn't acknowledge that?

frogbs, Tuesday, 9 August 2011 13:05 (eight years ago) link

people on here who acknowledge listening to his podcasts and are proud of it

dayo, Tuesday, 9 August 2011 13:10 (eight years ago) link

i'm not so sure he's even suited for writing anymore. the idea of a 45-year old man trying to lace sports columns with Jersey Shore references and a "breakdown" of the Pippa Middleton "situation" is cringe-worthy. plus I don't think he really passes the Sports Guy Turing test anymore as I'm pretty sure I could write an article that could be mistaken for the actual thing. in fact, it would be underrated, kind of like a 2006 post-breakup Jennifer Aniston. see, here's the thing. In 2006, she was underrated, as everybody (the Sports Wife) was feeling sorry for her, and hated Angelina Jolie. But, in 2008, she became overrated, as

frogbs, Tuesday, 9 August 2011 13:12 (eight years ago) link

I don't think he really passes the Sports Guy Turing test anymore

ahahaha first thing the stache made me think of was this

http://www.gonemovies.com/www/Pictures/Pictures/BladerunnerLeon.jpg

rock out with your lock out d-stern (agent hibachi), Tuesday, 9 August 2011 18:22 (eight years ago) link

people on here who acknowledge listening to his podcasts and are proud of it

― dayo, Tuesday, August 9, 2011 9:10 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark

lol i have no idea about "proud of it" but depending on the guest podcast simmons is far and away the most tolerable simmons.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 9 August 2011 18:23 (eight years ago) link

his podcasts are often great

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 9 August 2011 18:28 (eight years ago) link

tho often maddening

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 9 August 2011 18:28 (eight years ago) link

When he has a guy like Norm MacDonald it's definitely good and I like the "guess the line" podcasts with Cousin Sal.

I did think when people would make fun of his voice that they were just kinda randomly hating on the guy, but holy christ do they have a point. He sounds like that snot-nosed kid from Home Movies. Plus I do get the vibe of "we're all bros and we can all make fun of everyone, but don't say anything too mean to Simmons"

frogbs, Tuesday, 9 August 2011 18:39 (eight years ago) link

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6851333/the-architecture-disaster

the writing here is... a bit much, but pretty cool story nonetheless

J0rdan S., Thursday, 11 August 2011 19:10 (eight years ago) link

some good stereotyping in the first paragraph, well done

dayo, Friday, 12 August 2011 00:28 (eight years ago) link

simmons' podcast with david stern is the most boring thing ever.

Mr. Snrub, Saturday, 13 August 2011 03:49 (eight years ago) link

this is pretty on-point imo: http://bryanjoiner.com/2011/08/17/garbageland/

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 19:48 (eight years ago) link

nice, i was just thinking that i actually can't wait for the classical (nu-darko) while grantland's awful complete lack of editing is wearing me down

rock out with your lock out d-stern (agent hibachi), Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:02 (eight years ago) link

i mean really, they just need a real honest-to-god editor who can fact-check and edit...you can get them on the internet for like twenty bucks now, pony up some of that subway cash money doggie

rock out with your lock out d-stern (agent hibachi), Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:05 (eight years ago) link

they do desperately need that, but i think the longer-term thing that this guy is right about is how simmons' columns look worse when presented outside of espn.com

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:18 (eight years ago) link

Yeah, I agree with pretty much everything in there. I like some of the writers - I think Jonah Keri is basically good, but essentially I feel like you can only really enjoy Grantland if you ARE Bill Simmons, and I have yet to find anyone who really likes the site as anything more than an occassional time-waster.

frogbs, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:27 (eight years ago) link

they do desperately need that, but i think the longer-term thing that this guy is right about is how simmons' columns look worse when presented outside of espn.com

there was another article about that somewhere, which said something like "ESPN needs Simmons in order to appear edgy, while Simmons needs ESPN to appear as though he has things to say that ought to be censored". his Grandland articles are basically the same thing he writes for ESPN, just with the occassional "fuck"

frogbs, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:31 (eight years ago) link

It’s not good when you have the least self-aware comment in a book full of narcissists.

otm

polyphonic, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:31 (eight years ago) link

the site has no particular identity is the thing p much

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:34 (eight years ago) link

things never work out when people are all i just want to make something good

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:34 (eight years ago) link

like there has to be a more specific and passionate motivation

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:34 (eight years ago) link

i mean they went w/the placeholder name the designer stuck in the mock ups

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:35 (eight years ago) link

didnt care enough to have a real name that stood for a thing

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:36 (eight years ago) link

Grantland does have an idea, it's the world as it exists inside a Bill Simmons column

frogbs, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:37 (eight years ago) link

I wish it was even that cohesive, but it isn't.

polyphonic, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:41 (eight years ago) link

didnt care enough to have a real name that stood for a thing

On that note, not super jazzed about "The Classical" as the name of a sports website.

polyphonic, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:41 (eight years ago) link

yeah wow their kickstarter pitch really filled me w/zzzzzs

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:44 (eight years ago) link

Writing about sports the way that smart people talk about sports is a simple idea, and a good one. AND A BORING ONE IMHO, PWN

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 20:47 (eight years ago) link

The problem is that there are only so many Joe Posnanskies in the world, and he's too humble to ever attempt something like this

frogbs, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 21:08 (eight years ago) link

if the classical was a blog with mark e smith doing stream of consciousness rants about us sports i would read. i might set up a rival kickstarter. hunnerd bucks should get us rolling

Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 22:36 (eight years ago) link

well bethlehem shoals is involved in the classical so there goes that idea

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 23:12 (eight years ago) link

there are still def. some grantland articles that I've enjoyed, like the arvydas sabonis article. (the non-lambert pop culture stuff is pretty embarrassing tho). What do we think of Bill Walton's deep thoughts here?

In the following season, Wallace threw the towel at Sabonis during a timeout of a game against the Lakers. Sabonis had accidentally smacked Wallace's face earlier when he collided in the post with O'Neal.

"Under normal circumstances, he'd have probably knocked his head into next year," Doucette said. "I don't think you want to challenge Arvydas. But he kept his cool because he knew that if he didn't, that team would come apart right there. He did a marvelous job of remaining composed."

Walton, who was broadcasting the game nationally, still feels remorse over the incident. "It was one of the lowest moments of my life," he said. "If I was any kind of a man, I would have got up from that broadcast table and walked across the court and punched Rasheed Wallace in the nose. But I let Sabonis and the game of basketball and the human race down that day."

shannon goon (symsymsym), Thursday, 18 August 2011 02:35 (eight years ago) link

lmao walton

ice cr?m, Thursday, 18 August 2011 03:41 (eight years ago) link

i think about that moment a lot, the moment when bill walton let the human race down

max, Thursday, 18 August 2011 04:28 (eight years ago) link

Walton also apparently has never read The Breaks of the Game, even though he's tried dozens of times, because it's too painful to read about his own injuries. Why doesn't he just skip those parts? If he wants to read the book so badly?

shannon goon (symsymsym), Thursday, 18 August 2011 05:56 (eight years ago) link

a broadcaster walking into the court to fight sheed would have been a pretty great moment in human history, you have to admit

shannon goon (symsymsym), Thursday, 18 August 2011 05:58 (eight years ago) link

thats what im saying, he let all of us down at that moment, by not doing something hilarious

max, Thursday, 18 August 2011 12:52 (eight years ago) link

xp have you read breaks of the game? it isn't really structured in a way where you can skip parts imo

call all destroyer, Thursday, 18 August 2011 13:15 (eight years ago) link

simmons' podcast with david stern is the most boring thing ever.

― Mr. Snrub, Friday, August 12, 2011 11:49 PM (6 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

no way! this is pretty good.

call all destroyer, Thursday, 18 August 2011 15:22 (eight years ago) link

i love when walton gets into some epic ineffable shit, he's the best

rock out with your lock out d-stern (agent hibachi), Thursday, 18 August 2011 17:48 (eight years ago) link

one month passes...

http://i.imgur.com/itbbL.png

pwn

ice cr?m, Wednesday, 21 September 2011 16:29 (eight years ago) link

lol I came here to post my own version of that too, but to comment on the righteous screencap

http://i.imgur.com/bwYEy.png

dayo, Saturday, 1 October 2011 16:21 (seven years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/hnrkT.png

dayo, Saturday, 1 October 2011 16:22 (seven years ago) link

can't... stop... staring...

dayo, Saturday, 1 October 2011 16:36 (seven years ago) link

worst episode of hollywood squares

Roberto Spiralli, Saturday, 1 October 2011 19:42 (seven years ago) link

two weeks pass...

it's impressive how simmons can't write about anything without referring to the nba -- it's reminiscent of wilbon's propensity for mentioning jordan in any possible (or impossible) context

mookieproof, Friday, 21 October 2011 00:13 (seven years ago) link

good podcasts this week w/blake griffin and the ticketmaster guy

call all destroyer, Friday, 21 October 2011 00:16 (seven years ago) link

simmons article going in on the players for the lockout was nagl

ice cr?m, Friday, 21 October 2011 00:33 (seven years ago) link

im shocked you guys haven't pointed out the whole "there are more likeable players in the NHL" thing most likely meant "there are more white guys in hockey"

frogbs, Friday, 21 October 2011 02:42 (seven years ago) link

not to mention the whole "NBA players have limited intellectual capacity" thing

frogbs, Friday, 21 October 2011 02:44 (seven years ago) link

i know this is easy pickins but if you want to see him get ripped apart click here
http://www.sbnation.com/nba/2011/10/20/2502297/nba-lockout-2011-bill-simmons-hook

frogbs, Friday, 21 October 2011 02:44 (seven years ago) link

that was enjoyable tbh

mookieproof, Friday, 21 October 2011 03:53 (seven years ago) link

feel cleansed now

ice cr?m, Friday, 21 October 2011 04:03 (seven years ago) link

the problem for Bill is he's really not knowledgable about anything outside the NBA and I'm pretty sure he going to write like a dozen LeBron articles this winter

frogbs, Friday, 21 October 2011 04:09 (seven years ago) link

ill read every single one tbh

frogbs do u like stats come have fun in the player game finder thread

MODS DID 10/11 (k3vin k.), Friday, 21 October 2011 04:11 (seven years ago) link

the problem for Bill is he's really not knowledgable about anything outside the NBA

bostonhoopsguy

mookieproof, Friday, 21 October 2011 04:13 (seven years ago) link

xp I'd read them too! he's so much better editorializing about hoops than anything else. i read his NFL picks columns but he knows pretty much nothing about football (or baseball for that matter), but his stuff on Lebron is always good

frogbs, Friday, 21 October 2011 04:19 (seven years ago) link

sportsguy33
Could anyone else who twists my "limited intellectual capital" comment around from yesterday's column please note that...

...I'd have the same concerns for NHL/NFL/MLB players? Athletes are trained/conditioned to play sports, not save their sports economically.
1 hour ago

polyphonic, Friday, 21 October 2011 06:50 (seven years ago) link

I always thought that baseball was his bread and butter, you know his whole I'M FROM BAWSTON RED SOX RED SOX RED SOX thing

dayo, Friday, 21 October 2011 10:08 (seven years ago) link

Really enjoyed this article:

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle/post/_/id/7538/rediscovering-rock-n-jock

polyphonic, Thursday, 27 October 2011 17:46 (seven years ago) link

I always thought that baseball was his bread and butter, you know his whole I'M FROM BAWSTON RED SOX RED SOX RED SOX thing

― dayo, Friday, October 21, 2011 6:08 AM (6 days ago) Bookmark

this angle has had rapidly diminishing returns for everyone who worked it since 2004

call all destroyer, Thursday, 27 October 2011 17:52 (seven years ago) link

two months pass...

^^kinda imagine nu-bill simmons gritting his teeth every time he's writing about female athletes and holding himself back from saying things this extreme

omar little, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:03 (seven years ago) link

ugh @ the "hey i'm just doing what the ppl asked for!"

i love pinfold cricket (gbx), Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:15 (seven years ago) link

SYLVIA PLISCHKE — C-minus
Probably the most attractive tall woman on the tour, which isn't saying much... short-haired blonde, painfully skinny... she's about six-foot-three, but she doesn't have that stiff-legged, "women's hoop coach" walk like most other tall tennis players ... on the bright side, I'm convinced she wasn't wearing a bra during her matches last year.

omar little, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:20 (seven years ago) link

MARY PIERCE — B-minus
Captain of the "Beauty is just a lightswitch away" club ... in other words, she's got a Butter Face (everything looks great but her face) ... supposedly better-looking in person ... then again, they said the same thing about Rocky Dennis ... one of the few female tennis players with a legit cleavage... as Frank Drebin said in the first "Naked Gun" movie, "She's got the kinda breasts that say 'Hey, look at these!'"

Two drawbacks here: 1) Pierce dates Robbie Alomar, which speaks for itself, and 2) she had that weird restraining order thing against her domineering father, which means she possesses an inordinate amount of emotional baggage ... there's just a lot to work with here, both positive and negative.

**** Caveman #1: "She's searching for a father figure, which means she's probably extremely attentive to her man's needs. Extremely attentive."

**** Caveman #2: "Remember when Kenny Mayne was doing tennis highlights and said, 'Mary Pierce down a set, although it doesn't appear that way'? Now THAT's comedy!"

omar little, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:21 (seven years ago) link

ARANXTA SANCHEZ-VICARIO — D-plus
Built like a fire hydrant ... not a lot to work with here ... her face finally cleared up, so she actually looks the best she's ever looked.

(Note: That last statement reminds me of something my buddy Worm said in college when we were talking about a chunky girl on our hall — one of her friends had said how this girl had lost 15 pounds and the Worm quickly responded, "Oh good, only 40 more to go." High comedy. You had to be there. By the way, I'm babbling...

**** Caveman #1: "The WTA doesn't let Aranxta raise trophies after she wins tournaments due to her McHale-like armpit-hair."

omar little, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:21 (seven years ago) link

JENNIFER CAPRIATI — C-plus
She should have a tattoo of a suitcase on her right arm, because this gal's got baggage! ... not only did she have a serious drug problem, but you just KNOW she did some bizarre things when she was in her "Sidney from Melrose Place" stage a few years back (I'm still waiting for the secret Capriati porn tape to show up at Tower Records, ala Tonya Harding) ... one of my buddies in the know swears that Capriati had a breast reduction, so we're going to have to dock her grade just on rumor alone ... basically, she's starting off with a C before we even evaluate her ... and I think her features are a little rough ... on the other hand, she's probably the most fun girl on the tour to go out drinking with, so that brings her up to a C-plus.

**** Caveman #2: "Like every drug girl in college, slightly overweight but still cute enough to take advantage of for a one-nighter. Thighs show the effect of many nights with the munchies, but return to the game could work in her favor, as long as she doesn't start sniffing the lines or smoking the grass at Wimbledon."

omar little, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:22 (seven years ago) link

THE WILLIAMS SISTERS — B-minus
Call me crazy, but I think they're cute in an Amazon kinda way ... any man who hasn't thought about being in the middle of a Williams sister sandwich is lying, plain and simple ... then again, I also think Chamique Holdsclaw is cute ...then again, I think almost everyone is cute ... one of those cases were the sum is much greater than the parts... and let's be honest, the beads thing is pretty kinky ... Serena's body is right out of a porno movie (she's on the Frank Drebin team) ... they're also a tad surly, which can always be fun after a few drinks ... one drawback: a domineering father.

**** Caveman #1: "Venus is just scary. Anyone that confident, big and strong would reduce any man to a quivering mass of blubbering flesh. Serena's better looking, and since she has the second child thing going on, she'd probably go the extra mile to get the job done for her man

**** Caveman #2: "Both of them make a lotta noise, if you get my drift. Hey now."

omar little, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:23 (seven years ago) link

AMELIA MURESMA — F-minus
As Austin Powers once said, "She's a man, baby!" ... in fact, Martina Hingis remarked that the French-born Muresma was "half-man" during the 1998 U.S. Open, which infuriated French fans and caused Hingis to get booed all through last year's French Open ... Amelia's just terrifying ... every time she makes the semifinals of a major, she has a "Latrell Sprewell in the NBA Finals" effect on the ratings ... a "Saturday Night Live" skit waiting to happen, ala Janet Reno.

**** Caveman #1: "AHHHHHH! AHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHH!"

**** Caveman #2: "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!! AHHHHHH! AHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHH!"

omar little, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:23 (seven years ago) link

MONICA SELES — D
Always looks like she hasn't showered in about five days ... used to be much cuter a few years ago, before she was stabbed in the back ... lately she looks like she's been hanging around the buffet table with Billie Jean King ... she might want to consider looser clothing (nothing worse than a top-ranked tennis player with a front-butt) ... on the bright side, she makes an astounding amount of noise ... there isn't a man alive who hasn't mulled her over after one of her yelping forehands.

**** Caveman #1: "You get the feeling her breasts hang down like fire hoses when she doesn't have a bra on.

**** Caveman #2: "Not a good potential date because she would probably eat so much you'd go broke."

omar little, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:23 (seven years ago) link

you know, there was a link to the article upthread...

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:25 (seven years ago) link

(nothing worse than a top-ranked tennis player with a front-butt)

I agree that this is the worst thing

lag∞n, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:26 (seven years ago) link

btw bill was a notably worse writer back then huh

lag∞n, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:27 (seven years ago) link

any man who hasn't thought about being in the middle of a Williams sister sandwich is lying, plain and simple

I don't often fantasize about being crushed to death but I guess this wouldn't be a bad way to go

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:27 (seven years ago) link

didn't see that link, oh well...

omar little, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:27 (seven years ago) link

btw bill was a notably worse writer back then huh

uhhh not really, no

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:28 (seven years ago) link

yah totally, blatantly

lag∞n, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:29 (seven years ago) link

yeah he was

J0rdan S., Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:30 (seven years ago) link

is the "caveman 1" and "caveman 2" thing like anonymous reader submissions or like the pure id of bill simmons presented in a way that makes him feel better

J0rdan S., Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:30 (seven years ago) link

i think by merely toning down his misogyny from tucker max levels to beer commercial levels he's become a better writer. i mean i think he's mostly tedious now but better without a doubt.

omar little, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:31 (seven years ago) link

stuff like this aside, the only time in which Bill was really tolerable was before the Red Sox won in 2004; haven't you read any of his recent stuff? like his 20 page opus on why there can only be 15 movie stars at one time, how none of them can be women, and how Ryan Reynolds is definitely not one of them?

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:31 (seven years ago) link

maybe it's "cousin sal" and "jacko" xpost

omar little, Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:32 (seven years ago) link

Note: That last statement reminds me of something my buddy Worm said in college when we were talking about a chunky girl on our hall — one of her friends had said how this girl had lost 15 pounds and the Worm quickly responded, "Oh good, only 40 more to go." High comedy. You had to be there.

good thing he qualified that statement...I was thinking..."40 more...what? What is he talking about?" I guess I had to be there...

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:34 (seven years ago) link

Somehow the result of the Grantland experiment is that now I never, ever read Simmons (or listen to his podcasts), whereas before I read/listened him pretty much every week. Not sure why that is.

polyphonic, Thursday, 26 January 2012 20:53 (seven years ago) link

i think a lot of that is because his articles come out at like 3 PM on a Friday and i'm usually done for the week by then. not really a prime spot for a writer.

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Thursday, 26 January 2012 21:01 (seven years ago) link

out of sight (espn.com), out of mind

joepa mi pinga (am0n), Thursday, 26 January 2012 21:02 (seven years ago) link

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7503780/the-return-young-jeezy

? ! ?

san lazaro, Thursday, 26 January 2012 22:12 (seven years ago) link

removing the bookmark from this thread so I'm never reminded of what a revolting shithead bill simmons is

oneohtrix and park (m bison), Thursday, 26 January 2012 23:38 (seven years ago) link

why does deadspin feel the need to mercilessly bash bill simmons and grantland at every opportunity?

Mr. Snrub, Friday, 27 January 2012 01:19 (seven years ago) link

i feel like a good part of it is an inferiority complex? deadspin's always been really critical of ESPN so the idea of ESPN spinning off something like deadspin-lite has got to stick in their craw a bit

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, 27 January 2012 01:50 (seven years ago) link

why does deadspin feel the need to mercilessly bash bill simmons and grantland at every opportunity?

― Mr. Snrub, Thursday, January 26, 2012 7:19 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

because bill simmons is kind of an asshole?

i love pinfold cricket (gbx), Friday, 27 January 2012 02:46 (seven years ago) link

dying @ snrub

J0rdan S., Friday, 27 January 2012 02:49 (seven years ago) link

getting butthurt over deadspin's trolling of grantland is... quite a reason to get a hurt butt, i must say

J0rdan S., Friday, 27 January 2012 02:50 (seven years ago) link

god is that female tennis playing grading shit upthread for real? what a piece of work.

Clay, Friday, 27 January 2012 02:53 (seven years ago) link

yeah them uncovering this shit is pretty awesome but when grantland started and they made a list of every nitpicky factual error it seemed pretty stupid

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, 27 January 2012 03:40 (seven years ago) link

well they demonstrated that it's pretty weird to start a website of professional writing that does not employ any ediotrs.

call all destroyer, Friday, 27 January 2012 03:45 (seven years ago) link

Look, I don't want to be captain save-a-simmons here. He is an asshole. I mean, you can't even blame this horrible tennis article on "He was young, he didn't know better. That's why he's kept all these articles hidden so long; he was too embarrased" because he writes this shit all the time! Like his "Women should be forced to have their own fantasy leagues!" rant not too long ago, the prick.

Mr. Snrub, Friday, 27 January 2012 04:23 (seven years ago) link

imo simmons is who he is, don't really have enough time in my day to get all fake appalled over his dumb fratty bullshit, i mean duh of course he wrote this article

tebow gotti (k3vin k.), Friday, 27 January 2012 04:25 (seven years ago) link

seriously who has that big a problem with women in a fantasy league. like yeah it sucks when someone's wife signs up b/c you didn't have enough people to run a league and winds up winning despite not knowing a single player she drafted but I think that's just because it reminds us all there is minimal skill in fantasy football and therefore bragging about how you dominated your league "for the last two years, bro" means nothing

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, 27 January 2012 04:45 (seven years ago) link

seriously who has that big a problem with women in a fantasy league. like yeah it sucks when someone's wife signs up b/c you didn't have enough people to run a league and winds up winning despite not knowing a single player she drafted

lol well i don't know that it "sucks" but it's funny, my wife won our fantasy league for the second year in a row this year, mostly b/c she likes drew brees and is a big halo benders/beat happening fan (and therefore drafted calvin johnson.)

omar little, Friday, 27 January 2012 04:48 (seven years ago) link

haha

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 04:49 (seven years ago) link

time to channel my inner Simmons:

It's like, you know, that guy at the Blackjack table, who's playing horribly, hitting 14's vs. a 6, not splitting his 10's vs. a 5, and yet he's winning every hand. Meanwhile you're betting triple what he is and getting killed by 21's every time you get dealt a pair of bitches. THAT'S what my friend's wife does to this fantasy league.

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, 27 January 2012 04:56 (seven years ago) link

frog bill simmons

dayo, Friday, 27 January 2012 11:56 (seven years ago) link

lul

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 12:27 (seven years ago) link

frogland

joepa mi pinga (am0n), Friday, 27 January 2012 15:31 (seven years ago) link

and is a big halo benders/beat happening fan (and therefore drafted calvin johnson.)

― omar little, Thursday, January 26, 2012 11:48 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lmao

call all destroyer, Friday, 27 January 2012 15:37 (seven years ago) link

yeah I feel like there's some thread on ILX that deserves to be curated in.

dayo, Friday, 27 January 2012 15:40 (seven years ago) link

why does deadspin feel the need to mercilessly bash bill simmons and grantland at every opportunity?

uh because grantland will publish one or two well written pieces that ~makes u think~ but then publish 1157 articles of shit like "what if (x) on reality show was on reality show (x)" and "why does Michael Jordan dress up as the R&B Steven Seagal?" (totally forgetting that MJ does not have the major paunch or slicked back hair or crazy bad Asian outfits for such an endeavour)

Born To Meat Pie (King Boy Pato), Friday, 27 January 2012 21:02 (seven years ago) link

tbf theyve been on the Simmons beat since way before grantland, they h8 him cause he was their boyhood idol but now that theyve grown theyre embarrassed of him, particularly since he did m/l invent the thing theyre doing, they admitted as much, also im sure its good 4 hits

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 21:10 (seven years ago) link

lol exactly, Simmons was Deadspin before Deadspin in a way, and really one of the first sportswriters that seemed to be on the same wavelength as the fans

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, 27 January 2012 21:15 (seven years ago) link

yah same wavelength as the fans was simmons credo, now days we call that 'blogging"

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 21:20 (seven years ago) link

there was def something appealing about simmons in the early espn days, pre-bosox world championship when there was something universal and poetic about his sports fan pain but i feel it soon calcified into schtick and he didn't really take his style as a writer into better places. and beyond that i find his sexual politics to be really kind of nasty and cruel. he's still vastly better as a stylist than he was during the days he wrote that tennis piece.

omar little, Friday, 27 January 2012 21:31 (seven years ago) link

especially when you compared him to writers like Rick Reilly who were constantly moralizing everything and writing lengthy articles about issues nobody cared about. I mean BoSox fans are pretty terrible in general but at least Simmons was "one of us", so to speak

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, 27 January 2012 21:33 (seven years ago) link

speaking as a boston native and someone who journeyed home to experience the red sox winning their first championship of my lifetime, bostonians were really dialed into simmons during that series, everyone was talking abt his columns, it was now that i think abt it kinda remarkable

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 21:36 (seven years ago) link

his basketball writing is still good from time to time, but the schtick has long since calcified for sure

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 21:37 (seven years ago) link

so long as he sticks to writing about basketball he's fine. it's when he says crap like "the Colts intentionally threw a playoff game in 2007 because they knew they weren't going to beat the Patriots anyway" when you realize that he's kind of an insufferable prick

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, 27 January 2012 21:43 (seven years ago) link

feel like if youre a professional writer for long enough its hard to resist the drift towards overfit narrative and/or trolling at the expense of making sense

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 21:44 (seven years ago) link

wait why did i think lagun was a yankees fan?

tebow gotti (k3vin k.), Friday, 27 January 2012 22:26 (seven years ago) link

lol dude

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:29 (seven years ago) link

mb i'm thinking of max

tebow gotti (k3vin k.), Friday, 27 January 2012 22:30 (seven years ago) link

deadspin goes after simmons and grantland because he and it are establishment media, plain and simple

J0rdan S., Friday, 27 January 2012 22:31 (seven years ago) link

naw theyve got a special thing for him

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:32 (seven years ago) link

i mean they literally published a piece owning up to a while ago

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:33 (seven years ago) link

the best argument against him I've read was something about how ESPN and Simmons need each other, how ESPN needs Simmons to prevent themselves from looking too controlling and one-sided, as he has opinions that are often controversial and un-PC, while Simmons needs ESPN because it allows readers to feel like he actually is wittier/edgier than his Disney-sponsored articles imply

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, 27 January 2012 22:34 (seven years ago) link

well he's easily the biggest sportswriter in the country, it's not crazy that they write a lot about him

J0rdan S., Friday, 27 January 2012 22:35 (seven years ago) link

frogbs, ESPN doesn't need simmons because he gives them an edge. ESPN needs simmons cuz he's the most popular sportswriter in america and brings in a massive readership.

J0rdan S., Friday, 27 January 2012 22:36 (seven years ago) link

jordan what i said abt him being their idol and then them feeling weird abt it is what they said u should read it

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:37 (seven years ago) link

it was by will lietch sometime in like the last 3 years iirc

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:37 (seven years ago) link

its more about how they need a guy *like* Simmons. obviously there's nothing about BS in particular that makes him worthy of his popularity, but rather the idea that he's an ESPN-sponsored columnist who appears to be unrestricted

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, 27 January 2012 22:37 (seven years ago) link

its more about how they need a guy *like* Simmons. obviously there's nothing about BS in particular that makes him worthy of his popularity, but rather the idea that he's an ESPN-sponsored columnist who appears to be unrestricted

― frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, January 27, 2012 5:37 PM (0 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i disagree w/ this -- if simmons left espn, his readership would follow him. if espn brought in a second rate version of simmons, that person would not do the same numbers.

J0rdan S., Friday, 27 January 2012 22:39 (seven years ago) link

jordan what i said abt him being their idol and then them feeling weird abt it is what they said u should read it

― lag∞n, Friday, January 27, 2012 5:37 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

it was by will lietch sometime in like the last 3 years iirc

― lag∞n, Friday, January 27, 2012 5:37 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

will leitch's constant self-conscious navel gazing has little to do w/ the current incarnation of deadspin

J0rdan S., Friday, 27 January 2012 22:39 (seven years ago) link

it's when he says crap like "the Colts intentionally threw a playoff game in 2007 because they knew they weren't going to beat the Patriots anyway" when you realize that he's kind of an insufferable prick

He says stuff like this about basketball ALL THE TIME

polyphonic, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:41 (seven years ago) link

I don't think very many people would follow frog bill simmons, even if frog bill simmons were writing for espn.com

dayo, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:41 (seven years ago) link

if Grantland wasn't backed by ESPN I would think it would be a miserable failure

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, 27 January 2012 22:42 (seven years ago) link

If some dumb lady wants to be in my fantasy league I will happily take her money.

polyphonic, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:43 (seven years ago) link

will leitch's constant self-conscious navel gazing has little to do w/ the current incarnation of deadspin

― J0rdan S., Friday, January 27, 2012 5:39 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

dude read the thing, it included an anecdote abt him and aj daulario and i think another deadspin guy excitedly watching the first ep of jmmy kimmel live because simmons wrote for it, he was their hero

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:43 (seven years ago) link

if Grantland wasn't backed by ESPN I would think it would be a miserable failure

― frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, January 27, 2012 5:42 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is sort of an unsolvable chicken/egg thing

J0rdan S., Friday, 27 January 2012 22:50 (seven years ago) link

if simmons went solo hed still do well but obvs not as good as on espn

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:53 (seven years ago) link

like he could just have a blog and get a shit ton of hits and not have to share the money w/anyone

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:53 (seven years ago) link

if simmons went solo hed still do well but obvs not as good as on espn

― lag∞n, Friday, January 27, 2012 5:53 PM (14 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

of course not, which is why he's never left them. also he has the security of a salary, which is presumably very high.

J0rdan S., Friday, 27 January 2012 22:54 (seven years ago) link

i think he probably would've left espn by now but they realized his value and agreed to let him take on two pet projects in 30 for 30 and grantland

J0rdan S., Friday, 27 January 2012 22:55 (seven years ago) link

i imagine hes secure many times over by now

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:55 (seven years ago) link

yeah... i think he's said as much interviews that espn helping him do 30 for 30 was a big deal in terms of him staying there, and grantland presumably falls in the same category

J0rdan S., Friday, 27 January 2012 22:57 (seven years ago) link

he has a p sweet deal 4 sure

lag∞n, Friday, 27 January 2012 22:59 (seven years ago) link

speaking as a boston native and someone who journeyed home to experience the red sox winning their first championship of my lifetime, bostonians were really dialed into simmons during that series, everyone was talking abt his columns, it was now that i think abt it kinda remarkable

― lag∞n, Friday, January 27, 2012 4:36 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

otm, despite his numerous and well-documented failings this was an amazing time. i still remember anticipating his columns like crazy.

call all destroyer, Friday, 27 January 2012 23:26 (seven years ago) link

The Sox in general were fun to read about when they were perennial almosts. Now that all the Boston teams have recent titles, though...

polyphonic, Friday, 27 January 2012 23:34 (seven years ago) link

yeah it's actually kind of a curse for a sportswriter. nobody wants to read about the fan experience of a guy whose teams are averaging one title every 1.5 years. when the Royals finally win a World Series I can't wait to read Posnanski's article on it, even if he's senile because he'll be 250 years old

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Friday, 27 January 2012 23:36 (seven years ago) link

yah same wavelength as the fans was simmons credo, now days we call that 'blogging'

otm

let us compare the players on a (basketball, of course) team to the brothers in 'the godfather', mix in an '80s (karate kid?) reference, and cap it by saying 'can we make this happen?'

having a regularly interesting take on sports is really hard, and churning out regular columns for decades is not something i can even imagine. but dude has become as much of a caricature as CHB and reilly.

mookieproof, Saturday, 28 January 2012 01:54 (seven years ago) link

Hear me out. If LeBron James is Colonel Kurtz from Apocalypse Now, having abandoned his side for a distant tropical outpost, occasionally sending forth increasingly strange statements via radio transmission (or in James' case, Twitter), then Kobe Bryant is Willard, leading his unhinged but capable group upriver (consider the unarmed Vietnamese family to be, for the sake of example, the Golden State Warriors in round 1.) Dwyane Wade is Dennis Hopper and Chris Bosh is the sacrificed cow, looking confused but serving a purpose nonetheless. (In this scenario Andrew Bynum is Laurence Fishburne, Pau Gasol is Frederic Forrest, Luke Walton is Sam Bottoms, Albert Hall is Phil Jackson.)

omar little, Saturday, 28 January 2012 02:36 (seven years ago) link

would bet that BS views apocalypse now as a pro-war movie

dayo, Saturday, 28 January 2012 02:38 (seven years ago) link

Dwyane Wade is Dennis Hopper and Chris Bosh is the sacrificed cow

omar little IS omar little IN ______

mookieproof, Saturday, 28 January 2012 02:53 (seven years ago) link

http://deadspin.com/billsimmonsarchive more to come I guess

lag∞n, Monday, 30 January 2012 20:12 (seven years ago) link

i actually kinda liked his new article about starting the NBA season later until he brought up his profoundly dumb "entertaining as hell tournament" idea for the 12th time

frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Tuesday, 31 January 2012 16:38 (seven years ago) link

i always like ideas abt how to change things

lag∞n, Tuesday, 31 January 2012 16:53 (seven years ago) link

i think living in l.a. as a quasi-insider for the last decade has sort of rotted simmons' brain. like he can only think in marketing gimmicks now. he writes about his fucking tournament idea almost as much as he writes about actual basketball.

circles, Tuesday, 31 January 2012 21:20 (seven years ago) link

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7562176/the-sports-guy-nba-all-star-team

My third favorite moment was when we massaged the West's glut of quality forwards by making James Harden a guard; it was one of those "What the hell? We're in charge here!" moments where you feel like you're playing God and it's awesome.

is this backwards or?

diln (k3vin k.), Saturday, 11 February 2012 07:00 (seven years ago) link

pretty terrible column actually. keeps forgetting harden is a 2 for some reason

diln (k3vin k.), Saturday, 11 February 2012 07:09 (seven years ago) link

I don't think he watches games very much

Matt Armstrong, Saturday, 11 February 2012 07:25 (seven years ago) link

yeah i had the exact same reaction. somehow simmons convinced himself that one of the best young shooting guards in the league is a forward. like maybe he thinks harden doesn't start b/c he "plays the same postion" as durant? and he says it or implies it at least 3 times.

circles, Saturday, 11 February 2012 07:27 (seven years ago) link

says or implies that he's a 3 that is

circles, Saturday, 11 February 2012 07:27 (seven years ago) link

I think it's embarrassing that Springsteen now has his wife front and center playing guitar with the E Street Band. There's nothing worse than someone interjecting their spouse into the creative proceedings when she didn't really earn the spot. By the way, my wife wrote this.

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 13 February 2012 18:05 (seven years ago) link

lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1tAYmMjLdY (dayo), Monday, 13 February 2012 18:12 (seven years ago) link

fairly good linsanity piece usual simmionsisms aside http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7579097/linsanity-bag feel like he gave the magnitude of the thing its due

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:08 (seven years ago) link

the entire part about lebron is so utterly retarded

illuminati girl (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:13 (seven years ago) link

or is it lebron thats so utterly retarded, think abt it

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:14 (seven years ago) link

it takes someone who has only spent his life in boston and los angeles to not understand why someone who grew up in ohio -- even one of the best basketball players ever -- wouldn't really give that much of a shit about "owning" new york

illuminati girl (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:14 (seven years ago) link

anyone from new york or boston: HE COULD'VE OWNED NEW YORK
anyone that grew up/lives in any other part of the united states: uhhh who gives a shit?

illuminati girl (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:15 (seven years ago) link

it was funny tho to see knicks fans still massive butthurt about lebron not even considering joining their decrepit franchise for a second

illuminati girl (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:16 (seven years ago) link

i feel like 'lebron is a pussy' is an excellent and hilarious nba meme even if it has not that much basis in reality, i support it

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:16 (seven years ago) link

also it was hilarious when the one emailer said that the knicks have a legit shot of winning the nba title

illuminati girl (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:16 (seven years ago) link

if lebron had gone to new york everyone wouldve been complaining abt him being an egomaniac moviestar wannabe or w/e, lol he cannot win, because hes a pussy

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:18 (seven years ago) link

it takes someone who has only spent his life in boston and los angeles to not understand why someone who grew up in ohio -- even one of the best basketball players ever -- wouldn't really give that much of a shit about "owning" new york

― illuminati girl (J0rdan S.), Thursday, February 16, 2012 1:14 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

tbf people who dont give a shit abt new york or owning new york have no taste

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:20 (seven years ago) link

fair enough

illuminati girl (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:21 (seven years ago) link

it was funny tho to see knicks fans still massive butthurt about lebron not even considering joining their decrepit franchise for a second

― illuminati girl (J0rdan S.), Thursday, February 16, 2012 1:16 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

of course if anyone is interested in srsly understanding the situation, which simmons is clearly not, this is the key piece of info

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:25 (seven years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/VuVhb.jpg

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:26 (seven years ago) link

where the heat are clearly one of the best organizations

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:27 (seven years ago) link

anyway most of the rest of the piece i thought was p good!

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:27 (seven years ago) link

yeah it was cool

illuminati girl (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:28 (seven years ago) link

one of his best in a while for sure.

call all destroyer, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:34 (seven years ago) link

I grew up in San Diego but I would kind of like to own New York.

polyphonic, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:47 (seven years ago) link

who the fuck wouldnt like to own new york, it would be p rad, i mean owning cleveland what does that even get you, owning miami would be sweet but you cant do that via basketball since no one give a shit

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:49 (seven years ago) link

who owns ny right now, eli?

max, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:50 (seven years ago) link

i mean i guess j lin

max, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:50 (seven years ago) link

but feels like hes kinda borrowing it

max, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:50 (seven years ago) link

this is a compelling question

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:53 (seven years ago) link

gotta be eli

call all destroyer, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:54 (seven years ago) link

eli clearly doesnt care to own new york, and doesnt have the persona for it, just not a match - lin yeah im sure everyone knows is not epic enough to own ny but they still really vibe to him - a non athlete can own ny too of course but im not sure who thatd be

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:56 (seven years ago) link

me

max, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:56 (seven years ago) link

o right how could i forget max

lag∞n, Thursday, 16 February 2012 18:57 (seven years ago) link

also Eli plays in jersey lets not forget

ploppawheelie V (k3vin k.), Thursday, 16 February 2012 20:16 (seven years ago) link

kinda feel like jeter still owns ny even if hes just grandfathered in at this point

doc has never told me nothing that wasn't true (agent hibachi), Friday, 17 February 2012 19:53 (seven years ago) link

yeah the point simmons weirdly overlooked in that lebron discussion is that in order to own nyc he would have to join the *knicks* which is its own thing

doc has never told me nothing that wasn't true (agent hibachi), Friday, 17 February 2012 19:54 (seven years ago) link

i thought that was part of his point, that he could own nyc because he'd make the knicks a legit franchise

A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Friday, 17 February 2012 21:30 (seven years ago) link

lmao i like the idea of lebron moving to nyc and owning it without actually joining the knicks

max, Saturday, 18 February 2012 01:50 (seven years ago) link

this thread made me watch j Lin highlights so thx dudes

i love pinfold cricket (gbx), Saturday, 18 February 2012 03:23 (seven years ago) link

poor

lag∞n, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:16 (seven years ago) link

Only 12 months ago, Danny's Celtics were the favorites to win the 2011 NBA title. That didn't stop you from trading your starting center and defensive anchor for a bench player who never fit in and a draft pick you'll almost definitely screw up.

i mean what srsly i do not recall it that way

lag∞n, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:17 (seven years ago) link

Rondo: "Danny, we built our championship team around the African word 'Ubuntu,' which means 'togetherness.' We trusted each other and believed in each other."

Perk: "And in our coach."

Rondo: "That bond held for nearly three and a half years. Then, you took that word and flushed it down the toilet by trading Perk, my best friend and someone who loved being a Celtic more than anyone."

pffft

lag∞n, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:19 (seven years ago) link

the celtics had a great run won a championship came w/in one quarter of winning another then got old like everyone knew they were going to

lag∞n, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:19 (seven years ago) link

c's had the best record early last year but everyone thought that was spurs-esque, heat were the favorites from the minute The Decision ended

doc has never told me nothing that wasn't true (agent hibachi), Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:21 (seven years ago) link

simmions srsly thinks the celtics can make trades and turn into a title contender, the mind boggles

lag∞n, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:23 (seven years ago) link

i mean m all for blowing it up but not to trade for odom and marion wtf, blow it up and start over

lag∞n, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:24 (seven years ago) link

xposted from other thread:

xp it was a wacky column for sure. i can kinda sympathize from a c's fan perspective because we knew the window was closing but that doesn't make it any easier.

i do agree with him that if the plan is to do nothing in season and make it happen later with the cap space and 2 draft picks that is......scary

― call all destroyer, Thursday, February 23, 2012 6:22 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

call all destroyer, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:24 (seven years ago) link

Presti: "Look at your new team — Gasol, Brandon Bass, Marion, Pierce and Mo Williams as starters, with Odom, Wilcox, Pietrus and Bradley as your first four subs. If Gasol and Odom get going, that's a dangerous 6-seed in the East, right?"

lol how did we even get here, this is a portrait of mental illness

lag∞n, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:25 (seven years ago) link

i mean m all for blowing it up but not to trade for odom and marion wtf, blow it up and start over

― lag∞n, Thursday, February 23, 2012 6:24 PM (11 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah his goal seems to be to make the playoffs as an atlanta-type team for the rest of pierce's contract which is a weird goal

call all destroyer, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:26 (seven years ago) link

also no mention of the baby for bass trade which im p sure was a good move that happened in the last four years

lag∞n, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:26 (seven years ago) link

that's a horrible starting lineup too!

call all destroyer, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:26 (seven years ago) link

yeah that crazytown team has three power forwards and pierce moving to the 2 plus a bunch of garbage off the bench

doc has never told me nothing that wasn't true (agent hibachi), Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:26 (seven years ago) link

they would get obliterated by every remotely fast guard

call all destroyer, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:27 (seven years ago) link

and im sorry cuban knows whats up, he's playing with house money with marion right now and then he's gonna get dumped for cap space after this year, that's not a guy i would go near other than as a depth rental

doc has never told me nothing that wasn't true (agent hibachi), Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:28 (seven years ago) link

this column is the 'whitney was killed by the illuminati let me connect the dots 4 u' of the nba, the logic is so convoluted and lacking in any perspective its impossible to know where to start untangling it

lag∞n, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:28 (seven years ago) link

lol

doc has never told me nothing that wasn't true (agent hibachi), Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:33 (seven years ago) link

i mean i remember after the ray & kg trades everyone was like welp they have a two year window at best before the wheels come off and they were a perk knee away from the 2010 chip

i think ainge would have blown it up completely last summer but with the lockout it kind of made more sense to patch it together and let the old dudes roll one more time, which i am fine with

doc has never told me nothing that wasn't true (agent hibachi), Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:35 (seven years ago) link

its funny he chose sam presti as his avatar considering making tons crazy trades for old players is v much not his approach, however blowing up an old team and starting over from scratch w/tons cap room and draft picks is, thats how i could tell it want really presti talking it was simmons

lag∞n, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:35 (seven years ago) link

portrait of mental illness otm, I have an image of simmons in a straitjacket dictating to a poor intern at the grantland office, perhaps simmons is wearing a hannibal mask

flagp∞st (dayo), Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:39 (seven years ago) link

someone really should hire simmons as their gm, for lolz

lag∞n, Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:41 (seven years ago) link

"a portrait of mental illness" is so otm

pre-tennis ball head-era chris brown (J0rdan S.), Friday, 24 February 2012 00:19 (seven years ago) link

20 min podcast w/dirk is worth listening to--dirk is such a chill guy.

call all destroyer, Friday, 24 February 2012 18:13 (seven years ago) link

i was into that celtics column up until he used perk & rondo as his mouthpiece for being butthurt over "sports being a business" or whatever

J0rdan S., Friday, 24 February 2012 19:19 (seven years ago) link

yah its kinda telling that the whole thing hinges on this supposedly powerful emotional element, because it makes no sense from a basketball pov, Perkins was injured and playing like shit and has continued to be injured and playing like shit while rondo has continued to play at a high level and even improve somewhat

lag∞n, Friday, 24 February 2012 19:26 (seven years ago) link

it's hilarious that someone who has almost built his entire identity around concocting "bold" and franchise-altering trades wrote an entire column that boiled down to "the gm of my favorite team made a trade that enforced that sports is a business"

J0rdan S., Friday, 24 February 2012 19:32 (seven years ago) link

i thought the celtics were unbutu but it turns out theyre windows

lag∞n, Friday, 24 February 2012 19:43 (seven years ago) link

more like ubuntough shit, you've been traded!

J0rdan S., Friday, 24 February 2012 19:45 (seven years ago) link

yes!

lag∞n, Friday, 24 February 2012 19:47 (seven years ago) link

B.J. Steiner ‏ @DocZeus
All I want to know is if Simmons brought up his Entertaining As Hell Tournament with the President?

lag∞n, Thursday, 1 March 2012 17:30 (seven years ago) link

"President Obama visits the B.S. Report to talk the Bulls, college football playoffs, and his favorite Wire character."

congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 1 March 2012 17:46 (seven years ago) link

according to google it is omar

lag∞n, Thursday, 1 March 2012 17:47 (seven years ago) link

bill simmons kind of wields an insane amount of power, i am concerned

call all destroyer, Thursday, 1 March 2012 17:54 (seven years ago) link

we r doomed

lag∞n, Thursday, 1 March 2012 17:54 (seven years ago) link

The interview is engaging enough, I think.

polyphonic, Thursday, 1 March 2012 18:12 (seven years ago) link

turn back before its too late

lag∞n, Thursday, 1 March 2012 18:13 (seven years ago) link

obama has league pass!

ploppawheelie V (k3vin k.), Thursday, 1 March 2012 20:38 (seven years ago) link

:)

lag∞n, Thursday, 1 March 2012 20:39 (seven years ago) link

he pays for it himself tho

flagp∞st (dayo), Thursday, 1 March 2012 20:43 (seven years ago) link

I feel like all 300 million people of america would be willing to chip in for him to get league pass for free, it would be like .00000000001 cent each, yes we can

flagp∞st (dayo), Thursday, 1 March 2012 20:43 (seven years ago) link

i would check the "do you want 1 penny to go to the president's league pass" box on my tax return for sure

doc has never told me nothing that wasn't true (agent hibachi), Thursday, 1 March 2012 21:25 (seven years ago) link

"i've got another five years here"

Waxahachie Swap (Jimmy The Mod Awaits The Return Of His Beloved), Thursday, 1 March 2012 23:22 (seven years ago) link

two months pass...

ha

lag∞n, Thursday, 3 May 2012 21:46 (seven years ago) link

bill simmowned

arsenio and old ma$e (m bison), Friday, 4 May 2012 11:22 (seven years ago) link

can't wait for this dude to have a fall from grace, but I have a feeling it won't bc popular sports writers just keeping sucking for decades until they die

arsenio and old ma$e (m bison), Friday, 4 May 2012 11:23 (seven years ago) link

eh i don't really feel like he deserves any sort of comeuppance

dharunravir (k3vin k.), Friday, 4 May 2012 12:11 (seven years ago) link

looks like Simmons didn't even know he had a vote until the season was nearly over, so yeah there are some questions that need to be asked here, but this is basically a non-story

i'm not really a big fan; I just feel he's way past his "sell by" date, even though I admit in the past, when I didn't know how clueless he could be, I did like his articles quite a bit

there's only so many Karate Kid references one man can make

Matt Armstrong, Saturday, 5 May 2012 07:38 (seven years ago) link

one month passes...

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/8026268/the-consequences-caring

truly very good piece

the route is ban (k3vin k.), Saturday, 9 June 2012 03:41 (seven years ago) link

i was disappointed that there wasn't more about the basketball game, but yeah

J0rdan S., Saturday, 9 June 2012 03:48 (seven years ago) link

yeah wow

call all destroyer, Saturday, 9 June 2012 04:06 (seven years ago) link

occasionally, he's still got it in a way no one else does:

It's not about watching your team win the Cup as much as that moment when you wake up thinking, In 12 hours, I might watch my team win the Cup. It's about sitting in the same chair for Game 5 because that chair worked for you in Game 3 and Game 4, and somehow, this has to mean something. It's about using a urinal between periods, realizing that you're peeing on a Devils card, then eventually realizing that some evil genius placed Devils cards in every single urinal. It's about leaning out of a window to yell at people wearing the same jersey as you, and it's about noticing an airport security guy staring at your Celtics jersey and knowing he'll say, "You think they win tonight?" before he does. It's about being an NBA fan but avoiding this year's Western Conference finals because you still can't believe they ripped your team away, and it's about crying after that same series because you can't believe your little unassuming city might win the title. It's about posing for pictures before a Stanley Cup clincher, then regretting after the fact that you did. It's about two strangers watching you cry at a stoplight. It's black and white, but it's not.

call all destroyer, Saturday, 9 June 2012 04:08 (seven years ago) link

the car accident bit was super otm too, it even felt like that at home, just weird numbing shock at what lebron did

doc has never told me nothing that wasn't true (agent hibachi), Saturday, 9 June 2012 13:06 (seven years ago) link

Then I remembered something. Sports is a metaphor for life.

*thinks deeply, cries at a childs pain*

lag∞n, Saturday, 9 June 2012 13:27 (seven years ago) link

one month passes...

wow simmons really likes this "mike and the mad dog" show that i had never heard of until about a month ago.

Mr. Snrub, Tuesday, 10 July 2012 21:39 (seven years ago) link

#SNRUB

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 10 July 2012 21:40 (seven years ago) link

big reveal that francessa at least brought up w/ simmons abt replacing dog -- wouldve been crazy, francessas pop culture references are like gary cooper & john wayne

johnny crunch, Tuesday, 10 July 2012 21:43 (seven years ago) link

francesca is the fucking worst

Matt Armstrong, Wednesday, 11 July 2012 00:39 (seven years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iFhZSy2Cno

Matt Armstrong, Wednesday, 11 July 2012 00:40 (seven years ago) link

and the true masterpiece of awfulness:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bfdc8n93Mfs

Matt Armstrong, Wednesday, 11 July 2012 00:43 (seven years ago) link

i do not think this word means what you think it means xp

lag∞n, Wednesday, 11 July 2012 00:43 (seven years ago) link

i first had the francesa experience when he was a studio commentator for college basketball (cbs? espn?) sometime in the 90s. i recall him being totally clueless yet you could tell that under the surface he was just waiting for an excuse to start screaming JOHNNIES, BABY

mookieproof, Wednesday, 11 July 2012 00:46 (seven years ago) link

the lawr of fungibility

lag∞n, Wednesday, 11 July 2012 00:51 (seven years ago) link

i mean im not gonna really defend him, hes a clown in a lot of ways, but if you dont think hes better than every single espn talking head pti around the horn personality than i just dont know

johnny crunch, Wednesday, 11 July 2012 01:06 (seven years ago) link

based on my limited experience of such matters, that is quite a low bar

i think the question is more why any of them have jobs when we have so many sports geniuses here on ilx (srsly). it isn't because they're good-looking.

mookieproof, Wednesday, 11 July 2012 01:22 (seven years ago) link

i mean im not gonna really defend him, hes a clown in a lot of ways, but if you dont think hes better than every single espn talking head pti around the horn personality than i just dont know

― johnny crunch, Wednesday, July 11, 2012 1:06 AM (46 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I think they at least have some knuckleheads on ESPN who wouldn't have the shamelessness to attempt what Francesa does in the Albuquerque clip.

Matt Armstrong, Wednesday, 11 July 2012 01:55 (seven years ago) link

like skip bayless?

mookieproof, Wednesday, 11 July 2012 01:58 (seven years ago) link

that fungibility clip is just priceless i really recommend watching the whole thing for anyone on the fence

lag∞n, Wednesday, 11 July 2012 02:02 (seven years ago) link

xxp oh hes undeniably v pompous & will never admit hes wrong or doesnt know something - i guess if that is the major/only criteria 4 u then by all means enjoy tim cowlishaw

johnny crunch, Wednesday, 11 July 2012 02:04 (seven years ago) link

pretty sure this is one of the few things that i have no interest in reading an oral history of

High powered Texas lawyer (symsymsym), Wednesday, 11 July 2012 05:15 (seven years ago) link

Someone should do an oral history of oral histories

Matt Armstrong, Tuesday, 17 July 2012 22:17 (seven years ago) link

http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2012/0720/NBA_thrones_g_mp_576.jpg

What does an offseason when 29 franchises take aim at NBA royalty have to do with a mythical land of swords and dragons? Well, everything. Bill Simmons explains. Part 1| Part 2

omar little, Friday, 20 July 2012 20:49 (seven years ago) link

man, these last few columns have been dreadful...the Game of Thrones gimmick is stupid (I didn't like it when he did it for the Wire either, yet another show that he originally vowed he'd never watch then later wouldn't shut up about it), and his latest about how LaDainian Tomlinson's real legacy is going to be his fantasy numbers is just embarrassing, hey I like fantasy football too, but come on

frogbs, Thursday, 26 July 2012 15:16 (seven years ago) link

And he's slowed down to like one column per month for some reason. Probably saving his strength for when football arrives.

Mr. Snrub, Thursday, 26 July 2012 20:52 (seven years ago) link

no teams from Boston are active atm

Matt Armstrong, Thursday, 26 July 2012 21:26 (seven years ago) link

plus he has an empire to oversee.

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 26 July 2012 21:27 (seven years ago) link

zing xp

he doesn't care about anything but the nba tbh

mookieproof, Thursday, 26 July 2012 21:33 (seven years ago) link

there was like half a day last week where there were zero baseball stories on the front page of grantland. this is the middle of baseball season, and it was all football, basketball, olympics, and pop culture

congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 26 July 2012 21:35 (seven years ago) link

if the bruins are good Simmons remembers that he's a hockey expert

Matt Armstrong, Thursday, 26 July 2012 22:16 (seven years ago) link

What Frank Ocean, Against Me!'s Laura Jane Grace, and Passion Pit's Michael Angelakos Have in Common
Today 4:30 PM ET

Man, sports journalism will never be the same

Matt Armstrong, Friday, 27 July 2012 00:27 (seven years ago) link

if the bruins are good Simmons remembers that he's a hockey expert

his piece about attending a (los angeles) kings game during the nba lockout was pvmic in how it started out about hockey, sort of, but was actually another of his endless missives about how the nba should work ("can we do this?")

it's on a par with wilbon, who when with the wapo apparently felt obligated to write a column about the caps every year or so. they invariably compared ovechkin to mj, of course.

mookieproof, Friday, 27 July 2012 00:38 (seven years ago) link

What Frank Ocean, Against Me!'s Laura Jane Grace, and Passion Pit's Michael Angelakos Have in Common

i like reading this headline as if the three of them have hidden things in common's body

J0rdan S., Friday, 27 July 2012 02:03 (seven years ago) link

imao 'i put a fork in there' --laura jane grace

lag∞n, Friday, 27 July 2012 02:23 (seven years ago) link

haha

johnny crunch, Friday, 27 July 2012 02:24 (seven years ago) link

tbf the gaslight anthem piece was otm

mookieproof, Friday, 27 July 2012 03:07 (seven years ago) link

*kang

k3vin k., Thursday, 9 August 2012 00:15 (seven years ago) link

If scientists could create basketball-playing robots from scratch and were asked to create someone to play with Pau Gasol, Kobe Bryant and Nash, basically, they would create Dwight Howard: a ridiculously strong shot blocker/rebounder who can run the floor and doesn't need the ball to be happy.

smh

Matt Armstrong, Saturday, 11 August 2012 20:33 (seven years ago) link

WINNER: Steve Nash Went from playing with 11 bench guys on a lottery team to playing with Dwight Howard, Pau Gasol and Kobe Bryant on a title favorite. Remember SNL's "Orgasm Guy" sketches with Rob Schneider? I think that was Steve Nash this morning when he woke up and found out about this trade.

HA! The king of references does it again!

Matt Armstrong, Saturday, 11 August 2012 20:44 (seven years ago) link

obviously some hyperbole there but how can you say Dwight isn't a ridiculous fit for this team

frogbs, Saturday, 11 August 2012 23:25 (seven years ago) link

Remember SNL's "Orgasm Guy" sketches with Rob Schneider?

embarrassed for my generation

mookieproof, Saturday, 11 August 2012 23:28 (seven years ago) link

obviously some hyperbole there but how can you say Dwight isn't a ridiculous fit for this team

― frogbs, Saturday, August 11, 2012 11:25 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"doesn't need the ball to be happy" is just pure wrongness

Matt Armstrong, Sunday, 12 August 2012 03:31 (seven years ago) link

Dwight needs candy to be happy, not the ball iirc

lag∞n, Sunday, 12 August 2012 06:52 (seven years ago) link

Howard touched the ball only six times on offense in the fourth quarter, with one of those coming from his own offensive rebound. Despite Orlando’s 99-94 win over the Bucks, Howard made it clear that this is not the role he wants. “I do want the ball more in the fourth quarter,” a frustrated Howard said. “I want to become a closer. The only way you get there is by getting the ball and have coach have the confidence in giving me the ball. That’s how Kobe (Bryant) and the rest of the great fourth-quarter players got that way. It’s trial and error. When Kobe first got in the league, it took him a while to become the killer he is in the fourth quarter now. That’s because he went through that phase where he had to learn what shots to take and just get confidence in taking shots in the fourth quarter.”

“That’s one thing that I want for myself, so I can become the guy who finishes games for my team. I want to be that guy whose team wants him to close games out for them. Coach just needs to have confidence in me … Just run plays through me, so I can be comfortable in being the guy and have confidence in getting the ball late in the game and scoring,” Howard said. “That’s what I’m worth. I want to be that guy who controls games. As a kid, that’s what you dream about in the NBA, taking that shot. I want to do that. I’m the leader of the team. Ride my back. I’ll lead. I don’t care if I miss every single shot, I’m going to continue to play hard. Just get on my back. That’s why they call me Superman.”

Matt Armstrong, Sunday, 12 August 2012 18:15 (seven years ago) link

Though I guess if he wants to shoot in the fourth quarter he should learn to shoot.

Clay, Sunday, 12 August 2012 20:57 (seven years ago) link

matt offtm. It's not like Howard wanted to chuck threes like Bynum. He'll be fine. He wants to play inside out basketball, and if he can develop that ability the Lakers will be even tougher.

What he really needs to work on is ft shooting though. Bynum is a much better shooter in general.

pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Sunday, 12 August 2012 22:02 (seven years ago) link

he wants to play inside out basketball, i.e. he wants the ball in his hands.

Matt Armstrong, Sunday, 12 August 2012 23:51 (seven years ago) link

but according to BSimm he's totally cool being Joakim Noah or something

Matt Armstrong, Sunday, 12 August 2012 23:51 (seven years ago) link

one month passes...

up late writing his fungibility thesis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAONQyJWC-8

johnny crunch, Wednesday, 12 September 2012 23:31 (seven years ago) link

"You have an amazing gift this NFL season that needs to be exploited in massive capacities. In your first three NFL pieces, you have been incredibly wrong. You have not just been wrong, you have predicted the direct opposite of what actually happened. Do you think you should just write the opposite of what you are thinking or do you think once you write it, even if its the opposite of what you are thinking the opposite of that will happen therefore what you are thinking actually happens."

johnny crunch, Friday, 14 September 2012 22:11 (seven years ago) link

one month passes...

AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

Simmons is joining the NBA Countdown team. Just when I thought that show couldn't get worse. Magic, Wilbon, Simmons and Jalen.

AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 18 October 2012 18:39 (six years ago) link

they were originally revamping it w/ simmons & stan van as the centerpieces -- which would've been incredible -- but stern allegedly put the kibosh on SVG's involvement

lil dirk (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 18 October 2012 18:41 (six years ago) link

I'd love Stan on it. But that crew? You're fucking kidding me. The God of Vapid facepalms at those empty heads.

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 18 October 2012 18:43 (six years ago) link

bill simmons' transition from a pure writer into an actual talking head whose voice we have to hear, has been one of the most infuriating things to have been witness to of the last couple of years

乒乓, Thursday, 18 October 2012 18:44 (six years ago) link

Not as infuriating as his talking head status meaning we get to hear from his friends like Jackoff and the human garbage disposal.

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 18 October 2012 18:48 (six years ago) link

--but stern allegedly put the kibosh on SVG's involvement--

SERIOUSLY?

Spottie_Ottie_Dope, Thursday, 18 October 2012 20:00 (six years ago) link

his podcast would definitely be about 5x better if he didn't sound like that

frogbs, Thursday, 18 October 2012 20:01 (six years ago) link

its funny because simmons has been complaining abt how his voice is terrible forever and its true

--bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 20:08 (six years ago) link

lol stern is such a gangster

--bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 20:10 (six years ago) link

Dammit I love the Van Gundy Bros. Thanks for the link. Stern can do one.

Spottie_Ottie_Dope, Thursday, 18 October 2012 20:11 (six years ago) link

every week I watch boardwalk empire and every week when Nucky seems inscrutable I remind myself "dude he is not inscrutable, he's the original Stern, that's all."

Clay, Thursday, 18 October 2012 21:34 (six years ago) link

simmons should smoke a pack of reds a day, or maybe two packs, that might make his voice more bearable

乒乓, Thursday, 18 October 2012 21:36 (six years ago) link

The Cousin Sal imitation is far to on the money.

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 18 October 2012 21:37 (six years ago) link

i actually enjoy the podcast jalen rose does now and then but hes kind of stiff on tv and that is an awful, awful lineup of talking heads

questionable motor (agent hibachi), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:51 (six years ago) link

I like jalen

--bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:52 (six years ago) link

I hate Jalen's podcast. But he seems like a bro.

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:52 (six years ago) link

simmons is gonna be insufferable w the comedy routine

--bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:53 (six years ago) link

"so this is like when..."

乒乓, Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:54 (six years ago) link

magic is gonna have to watch road house to get ready

questionable motor (agent hibachi), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:56 (six years ago) link

lol yeah

乒乓, Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:56 (six years ago) link

lmao

--bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:57 (six years ago) link

I hate Jalen's podcast. But he seems like a bro.

― EZ Snappin, Thursday, October 18, 2012 6:52 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

if you didn't hear the one where he told the patrick ewing vcr story at least go track that down

questionable motor (agent hibachi), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:58 (six years ago) link

tell us the story

--bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:58 (six years ago) link

jalen was mad at ewing for some reason-- hard foul in a game i think or something-- but obviously wasn't going to pick a fight. somewhere in the arena after the game he saw ewing's COMBINATION TV/VCR rig with the team's stuff ready to be loaded on the bus or plane. so...he stole it.

questionable motor (agent hibachi), Thursday, 18 October 2012 23:03 (six years ago) link

hahahaha

乒乓, Thursday, 18 October 2012 23:05 (six years ago) link

oh and think it was in some big transport rig a la band equipment - so it obviously huge and also labeled with ewing's name

obviously funnier when he actually tells it

questionable motor (agent hibachi), Thursday, 18 October 2012 23:06 (six years ago) link

hah!

--bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 23:08 (six years ago) link

four weeks pass...

Simmons fan, Star Trek fan, or the man himself?

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/A7vyG51CIAEvGpK.jpg

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 15 November 2012 14:01 (six years ago) link

lol

Good job, good multiple efforts (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Thursday, 15 November 2012 14:43 (six years ago) link

two months pass...

would have had mucho respect for Simmons had he run this BEFORE the deer antler story but still, kinda ballsy

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/8904906/daring-ask-ped-question

frogbs, Friday, 1 February 2013 21:48 (six years ago) link

eh don't care about PEDs

manti 乒乓 (k3vin k.), Saturday, 2 February 2013 00:47 (six years ago) link

i have no idea what his point was (as usual these days when he tries to be serious)

call all destroyer, Saturday, 2 February 2013 00:51 (six years ago) link

his point was fair enough, we're inconsistent in how we judge ppl about PEDs - assholes like lance barry and a-rod are suspect but we don't care about AD or peyty because we like them - i just think talking about PEDs even more than we already do is just asking for a sports world completely devoid of joy. there are better issues to moralize about

manti 乒乓 (k3vin k.), Saturday, 2 February 2013 00:56 (six years ago) link

feel like there's no much point in suspecting everyone who is capable of amazing sports accomplishments bc then you might as well stop watching (and his "list" seems to cover everyone who's not a mediocrity.)

christmas candy bar (al leong), Saturday, 2 February 2013 00:59 (six years ago) link

- there are two sports guys
- espn sports guy shies away from discussing peds
- old school sports guy wants to discuss them. can we make this happen?
- he thinks ray lewis is a cheater
- he thinks adrian peterson is clean
- what a world, that doubt can be cast upon our noblest performers

mookieproof, Saturday, 2 February 2013 00:59 (six years ago) link

he didn't make this point, but dudes who tear their triceps and miss entire seasons are at significant risk of losing their jobs, while dudes who use deer antler spray are apparently rather less so

mookieproof, Saturday, 2 February 2013 01:02 (six years ago) link

feel like there's no much point in suspecting everyone who is capable of amazing sports accomplishments bc then you might as well stop watching (and his "list" seems to cover everyone who's not a mediocrity.)

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Friday, February 1, 2013 7:59 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

exactly

manti 乒乓 (k3vin k.), Saturday, 2 February 2013 01:04 (six years ago) link

he has a pretty clear point imo. It's that we could enforce stricter or more effective drug testing but we don't want to in part (and this is his main point) the media chooses to overlook the elephant in the room.

ryan, Saturday, 2 February 2013 01:33 (six years ago) link

missing a "because" in there

ryan, Saturday, 2 February 2013 01:33 (six years ago) link

wait what's the elephant in the room?

(NB i skipped the last third of it)

manti 乒乓 (k3vin k.), Saturday, 2 February 2013 01:34 (six years ago) link

that many of the accomplishments and quick recoveries that the sports media likes to hype are phony because of PEDs.

ryan, Saturday, 2 February 2013 01:35 (six years ago) link

oh right, that's basically what i said. it's ok when cool ppl do it but bad when assholes do

manti 乒乓 (k3vin k.), Saturday, 2 February 2013 01:36 (six years ago) link

tbf the sports media is the fucking worst, elephants or no

mookieproof, Saturday, 2 February 2013 01:41 (six years ago) link

he also gets into the grey areas of, like, why is putting a testosterone patch on your testicles this unforgivable sin but cutting-edge performance-enhancing medical techniques is just part of an athlete's life.

i mean if you take the anti-PED thing to it's logical conclusion we'd really never let an athlete come back from surgery.

Clay, Saturday, 2 February 2013 01:42 (six years ago) link

I thought Kobe going to Germany to get stem cells was something that should probably be illegal, but what do I know

who knows. maybe Jordan was 'roiding the whole time. hooo boy would that shut some people up

frogbs, Sunday, 3 February 2013 02:12 (six years ago) link

two months pass...

otm

mookieproof, Sunday, 21 April 2013 22:24 (six years ago) link

generally about the quality of his output these days

joe smith avatar (agent hibachi), Monday, 22 April 2013 12:36 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/9261768/nba-trade-value-part-3

this is pretty terrible halfway through

'scuse me while i make the sky cum (k3vin k.), Saturday, 11 May 2013 21:59 (six years ago) link

he overrates steph altho steph's contract is insane

also always will and always has overrated carmelo

J0rdan S., Saturday, 11 May 2013 22:46 (six years ago) link

yeah the melo section is just completely religious. you wouldn't trade melo for cp3 straight up? and his griffin "oh noes his per-game scoring and rebounding averages are down" shit i assumed was beneath him

if steph plays anything like this on that contract #3 is totally defensible tho

'scuse me while i make the sky cum (k3vin k.), Saturday, 11 May 2013 22:50 (six years ago) link

he remains otm about harden though

J0rdan S., Saturday, 11 May 2013 23:01 (six years ago) link

he didn't quite make a case for why he put westbrook over him though

J0rdan S., Saturday, 11 May 2013 23:01 (six years ago) link

i think it's close

'scuse me while i make the sky cum (k3vin k.), Saturday, 11 May 2013 23:03 (six years ago) link

it is just shameful that there are people who still apologize for that trade btw. just indefensible on any level

'scuse me while i make the sky cum (k3vin k.), Saturday, 11 May 2013 23:29 (six years ago) link

yeah, truly

J0rdan S., Saturday, 11 May 2013 23:31 (six years ago) link

i think part of the problem -- in presti's defense -- is that harden was underrated around the league. if the wizards and warriors both turned down offers, they're nuts.

J0rdan S., Saturday, 11 May 2013 23:31 (six years ago) link

one month passes...

SIIIIMMMMOONNNNSSSS!!!!

How'd We Fix It: The Lakers

It's actually worse than you would expect an article from him with that title to be.

I'm like a cross between the Wolf, Olivia Pope and Jerry West. Or I like to think that I am.

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 10 July 2013 21:21 (six years ago) link

Last week, an L.A. reader named Jake B. even compared him to Tommy Boy, followed by me being unable to figure out if that was a bigger insult to Jimmy Buss or to Tommy Boy.

cool story

christmas candy bar (al leong), Wednesday, 10 July 2013 21:26 (six years ago) link

Tim Marchman ‏@timmarchman 3h

There are over 50 uses of I, I'm, me, and my in this column. http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/9466869/lakers

mookieproof, Thursday, 11 July 2013 00:04 (six years ago) link

it's a good article f the haters

k3vin k., Thursday, 11 July 2013 12:53 (six years ago) link

50 doesn't seem like that many uses for a guy who has always written 1000s of words in the first person

call all destroyer, Thursday, 11 July 2013 12:59 (six years ago) link

well the point that he makes about the Bucks is definitely true and quite frustrating

frogbs, Thursday, 11 July 2013 13:22 (six years ago) link

two months pass...

even tho i dont care for him much its kinda awesome how this guy who used to joke fantasize abt controlling espn now controls espn

lag∞n, Thursday, 10 October 2013 19:24 (five years ago) link

Celtics beat Lakers yet again

polyphonic, Thursday, 10 October 2013 19:37 (five years ago) link

haha

lag∞n, Thursday, 10 October 2013 19:38 (five years ago) link

lmao polyphonic

Me & Mahomies (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Thursday, 10 October 2013 20:13 (five years ago) link

PRAISE SIMMONS

J0rdan S., Thursday, 10 October 2013 20:18 (five years ago) link

magic and wilbon were completely and totally insufferable

J0rdan S., Thursday, 10 October 2013 20:19 (five years ago) link

Im not a huge fan but he is better than anyone else on that show no doubt. Magic was the worst he can be gone and stay gone faic.

Me & Mahomies (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Thursday, 10 October 2013 20:20 (five years ago) link

yeah magic and wilbon are terrible

lag∞n, Thursday, 10 October 2013 20:31 (five years ago) link

Replacing Wilbon with Doris Burke is a huge upgrade imo

polyphonic, Thursday, 10 October 2013 20:38 (five years ago) link

<3 doris

J0rdan S., Thursday, 10 October 2013 20:41 (five years ago) link

does that mean less doris doing games tho?

call all destroyer, Thursday, 10 October 2013 20:47 (five years ago) link

Doris is cool if a little dry but yah big upgrade. Also Doug Collins back is alright.

Me & Mahomies (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Thursday, 10 October 2013 20:51 (five years ago) link

a good bit would be trolling collins ocd

lag∞n, Thursday, 10 October 2013 20:53 (five years ago) link

Ha for sure

Me & Mahomies (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Thursday, 10 October 2013 21:12 (five years ago) link

as you can see theres 12 seconds left on the clock when he takes the shot, theres 12.7 seconds left

lag∞n, Thursday, 10 October 2013 21:15 (five years ago) link

finishing out quarters strong is no more important than starting them strong

lag∞n, Thursday, 10 October 2013 21:16 (five years ago) link

thats 6 six point swing, it was actually a 7 seven point swing

lag∞n, Thursday, 10 October 2013 21:16 (five years ago) link

PRAISE SIMMONS

Clay, Thursday, 10 October 2013 22:30 (five years ago) link

somehow he managed to be a douchebag and a hero at once with this

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Thursday, 10 October 2013 23:07 (five years ago) link

haha yes perfect

Me & Mahomies (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Thursday, 10 October 2013 23:08 (five years ago) link

doris and doug collins are huge huge upgrades over wilbon and magic tho

i wonder if hes going to install an actual host or what since simmons himself is awful at that part

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Thursday, 10 October 2013 23:09 (five years ago) link

i have to say i figured he would just walk given that he spent all year plus the summer complaining about the show

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Thursday, 10 October 2013 23:10 (five years ago) link

what would he be with nothing to complain about

mookieproof, Thursday, 10 October 2013 23:13 (five years ago) link

doris is great. she actually seems human

Nhex, Tuesday, 15 October 2013 04:47 (five years ago) link

two months pass...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BcHnb-dCIAA0dBz.jpg

polyphonic, Tuesday, 31 December 2013 21:28 (five years ago) link

there was a preview of that w/ that pull quote followed immed by a prev for the jon hamm indian mlb pitcher thing which simmons produced or smething right? spreading the brand p thin now

johnny crunch, Tuesday, 31 December 2013 22:52 (five years ago) link

two weeks pass...

grantland got a redesign, its pretty bad

lag∞n, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:00 (five years ago) link

yeah it sucks but i always say that about new designs so we'll see

k3vin k., Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:09 (five years ago) link

yeah i always liked the simplicity of the old design (esp w/ adblocker) but this is understandable, does a better job of promoting all their content or whatever. mainly just relieved they haven't gone to that 'this will look like garbage if you're not reading it on a tablet' design new republic and a bunch of others have adopted.

balls, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:14 (five years ago) link

i liked the old design, never had trouble finding anything. it looks more cluttered now.

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:15 (five years ago) link

yeah their old design was more in keeping w recent white space and readability trends, tho they werent really clever or detail oriented enough to fit that much content in there, the new one has tons of content but is a total mess and a definite step backward as far as the evolution of web design, and its got a bunch of really corny lowest common denominator details, especially that sticky top stories box in the margin my god what is this techcrunch, nagl for a publication trying to brand themselves as quality

lag∞n, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:24 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/w4YI62E.png

lets get some of those full width images everyone has now
ok cool good idea what if the headline overlapped that in a odd haphazard way
great and we can add some navigation above that where if youre reading the most recent feature there will be an awkward empty space

lag∞n, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:27 (five years ago) link

ugh @ all that ugly white space after the article title & summary

Clay, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:29 (five years ago) link

oh also you know those side notes that are kind our thing lets just cram em in there lol

http://i.imgur.com/TxAa4Ok.png

lag∞n, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:29 (five years ago) link

o it definitely feels like a step back

xpost jeez thought it was just the splash page or whatever, didn't know they'd fucked up the actual readability of the posts now

balls, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:31 (five years ago) link

over 34K ppl follow jacko on twitter. wtf.

balls, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:33 (five years ago) link

i don't have that weird overlap with the headline on my comp

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:37 (five years ago) link

oh n/m i didn't realize it was on the feature page, not the homepage

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:38 (five years ago) link

are you looking at the article page or the home page ha xp tech support is reading yr mind

lag∞n, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:39 (five years ago) link

hahaha yeah the article page redesign is horrific

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:40 (five years ago) link

its like the opposite of what the times did w their redesign, like its fine i guess to try and just cram everything into the home page but the article pages shd be designed to maximize readability otherwise people arent going to like reading yr articles and they wont even know why theyll just not like you

lag∞n, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:42 (five years ago) link

oh also you know those side notes that are kind our thing lets just cram em in there lol

― lag∞n, Tuesday, January 14, 2014 9:29 PM (18 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

They used to turn into footnotes on tablets and they still do only now no "jump" link to return to the article sure ill scroll up 10k words after I read this one line DJ mbenga joke actually nope

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:52 (five years ago) link

the whole thing is just so dumb, do not have notes of any kind unless you have a ton of sources to site its v annoying and pointless

lag∞n, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:57 (five years ago) link

obvs its not hard to imagine simmons brainstorming ways to fit more inane asides into his writing

lag∞n, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 02:58 (five years ago) link

i don't read much grantland other than simmons or lowe but lowe could really do without the footnotes anyway, actually he should basically stick to x's and o's i basically hate every opinion he has

k3vin k., Wednesday, 15 January 2014 04:38 (five years ago) link

that basically how i break it down to an extent

k3vin k., Wednesday, 15 January 2014 04:39 (five years ago) link

hate the footnotes because they don't work in my offline reading app where i pretend i am going to read things later

Clay, Wednesday, 15 January 2014 04:41 (five years ago) link

'it hurts so much that we failed [our asshole writer]'

mookieproof, Tuesday, 21 January 2014 01:10 (five years ago) link

people said mean things to him on the tweets

lag∞n, Tuesday, 21 January 2014 01:12 (five years ago) link

Grantland looks like a 1999 website now

, Friday, 24 January 2014 06:08 (five years ago) link

yeah major step back

Spottie, Friday, 24 January 2014 06:18 (five years ago) link

its bad

puple prijan (lag∞n), Friday, 24 January 2014 15:02 (five years ago) link

yeah the entire aesthetic of this is terrible, and not in a "way different but you'll get used to it" kind of way

frogbs, Friday, 24 January 2014 15:10 (five years ago) link

its designed to cram as much stuff as possible in there w any concern for the reading experience or visual hierarchy or anything, and it does look very specifically dated for sure

puple prijan (lag∞n), Friday, 24 January 2014 15:14 (five years ago) link

"content everywhere" is such a bad design but I guess the intent is to get the most clicks-on-page so whatever works I guess

frogbs, Friday, 24 January 2014 15:16 (five years ago) link

clicks on clicks on clicks

puple prijan (lag∞n), Friday, 24 January 2014 15:17 (five years ago) link

wonder if grantland wasnt doing as well as espn wouldve liked and they forced this design on them cause iirc simmons explained a lil bit of the original design and he seemed to understand re user experience and readability, which i think most writers do

puple prijan (lag∞n), Friday, 24 January 2014 15:19 (five years ago) link

but even if youre determined to cram all the clicks in there this is just really poor execution, like look at buzzfeed they have tons of shit everywhere but its way more user friendly than this

puple prijan (lag∞n), Friday, 24 January 2014 15:20 (five years ago) link

i will not look at buzzfeed

k3vin k., Friday, 24 January 2014 15:28 (five years ago) link

you know youre a 90s kid when you wont look at buzzfeed

puple prijan (lag∞n), Friday, 24 January 2014 15:31 (five years ago) link

I really liked the old site, one of my favorites on the whole internetz

Spottie, Friday, 24 January 2014 16:26 (five years ago) link

the old site was good from a readability pov but imo but kinda lacked attention to detail otherwise, obvs the whole olde timey aesthetic is total garbage too but w/e

puple prijan (lag∞n), Friday, 24 January 2014 16:28 (five years ago) link

yeah v readable

Spottie, Friday, 24 January 2014 16:36 (five years ago) link

oh wow theyre showing preload ads now too

puple prijan (lag∞n), Friday, 24 January 2014 16:36 (five years ago) link

the hipster design aesthetic was trendy yeah but the articles just read so nicely

Spottie, Friday, 24 January 2014 16:37 (five years ago) link

ya thats by far the most important thing

puple prijan (lag∞n), Friday, 24 January 2014 16:38 (five years ago) link

that and ease of navigation

puple prijan (lag∞n), Friday, 24 January 2014 16:38 (five years ago) link

and fast loading

puple prijan (lag∞n), Friday, 24 January 2014 16:39 (five years ago) link

I hate sidebar footnotes but yeah I liked the old design a lot

frogbs, Friday, 24 January 2014 16:42 (five years ago) link

i thought the old design was awesome, very readable who cares about the rest

k3vin k., Friday, 24 January 2014 17:01 (five years ago) link

it couldve been even more cooler and you wouldve liked it

puple prijan (lag∞n), Friday, 24 January 2014 17:06 (five years ago) link

why does anybody redesign anything

Clay, Friday, 24 January 2014 20:56 (five years ago) link

speaking of, the new espn app is a disaster. more for usability reasons tho

Spottie, Friday, 24 January 2014 21:01 (five years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Speaking of Perkins, I enjoyed this e-mail from Kyle Leonard in OKC: “Every day when I get home from work and look at my DVR, there it still sits — four hours straight of ‘Grammys Live from the Red Carpet’ that my girlfriend is not ready to delete in case she needs to ‘go back and look at someone’s outfit’ (unreal). It drives me crazy every time I look at it. But then I realized something. Having that recording on my DVR is actually a possible asset. Just think of all the space I will have once I amnesty it off my DVR queue. So I just renamed it ‘Kendrick Perkins’ and now it’s not quite as bad when I look at it.”

mookieproof, Wednesday, 19 February 2014 03:14 (five years ago) link

total package

mookieproof, Wednesday, 19 February 2014 03:15 (five years ago) link

three weeks pass...

In fact, it was Simmons' father who nudged Silver into locking in the deal with ESPN over the other media entities he was considering. "Right when Nate was deciding what to do, he happened to be in San Antonio, and he was going to the [NBA Finals] game, and my dad got two tickets from the NBA, so we hooked him up with the passes and things like that, it's when he kind of realized that it would be really cool to work for ESPN," he says. A courtside seat and a pep talk from a proud Boston parent later, and Silver was won over.

call all destroyer, Saturday, 15 March 2014 14:10 (five years ago) link

ha no

lag∞n, Saturday, 15 March 2014 14:18 (five years ago) link

one month passes...

http://sports.politicususa.com/2013/07/27/bill-simmons-evolution-the-sports-guy-insufferable-sports-pundit.html

old article, but holy crap did this really happen?

Also, something else about Simmons that has become overly annoying is that he is always looking for a unified theory of WHY THINGS HAPPEN. A perfect example of this was after Game 3 of the San Antonio/Memphis series in the NBA Playoffs this year. On the postgame show, when discussing the crowd’s reaction when Memphis got behind in the game, Simmons tied in the 1968 assassination of MLK in the city. Basically, he said that because of the tragic events 45 years ago in their city, the crowd just knew something bad was happening, and it caused them to go quiet. If you read his writing, you’ll notice dozens of these theories that he throws out there, trying to position himself as some next-level thinker.

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Monday, 12 May 2014 03:59 (five years ago) link

Bill Simmons is the Alex Jones of sports writing

, Monday, 12 May 2014 04:00 (five years ago) link

I think he got that move from klosterman.

ryan, Monday, 12 May 2014 04:39 (five years ago) link

Is Michael Wilbon really considered as bad as Skip Bayless or Bill Simmons? I guess you can lump them all in as "sports pundits", but...

MLK assassination thing astounding though

Nhex, Monday, 12 May 2014 14:28 (five years ago) link

I have really disliked him on TV in the playoffs so far. He says stupid obvious shit and repeats it over and over again, interrupting people who have more substantive things to say.

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Monday, 12 May 2014 14:37 (five years ago) link

NBA draft article was really the only thing worth reading.

Jeff, Monday, 12 May 2014 14:43 (five years ago) link

Also, something else about Simmons that has become overly annoying is that he is always looking for a unified theory of WHY THINGS HAPPEN. A perfect example of this was after Game 3 of the San Antonio/Memphis series in the NBA Playoffs this year. On the postgame show, when discussing the crowd’s reaction when Memphis got behind in the game, Simmons tied in the 1968 assassination of MLK in the city. Basically, he said that because of the tragic events 45 years ago in their city, the crowd just knew something bad was happening, and it caused them to go quiet. If you read his writing, you’ll notice dozens of these theories that he throws out there, trying to position himself as some next-level thinker.

― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Sunday, May 11, 2014 11:59 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://deadspin.com/oh-tim-youre-so-naive-the-cavs-lebrons-former-team-1579579873

lol

lag∞n, Wednesday, 21 May 2014 18:58 (five years ago) link

sry that comment is lol but meant to link to the main video http://deadspin.com/bill-simmons-lays-out-nonsensical-theory-about-lebron-j-1579566715

lag∞n, Wednesday, 21 May 2014 19:00 (five years ago) link

Listening to Bill Simmons shouting nonsense while Sage Steele is trying to make a point is really unfun.

polyphonic, Wednesday, 21 May 2014 19:02 (five years ago) link

He needs to not be... there.

Nhex, Wednesday, 21 May 2014 19:06 (five years ago) link

yeah a show of sage steele, jalen rose, and doug collins is definitely my idea of good TV

k3vin k., Wednesday, 21 May 2014 19:37 (five years ago) link

two weeks pass...

“No one is questioning his skills, but he just doesn’t have that killer instinct that Jordan had,” Simmons said as a team of five 28-year-old Michael Jordans defeated five 28-year-old LeBron Jameses—a discovery that led the Grantland editor-in-chief to conclude that the Jordans were “clearly playing in full-blown ‘Eff You’ mode.”

lag∞n, Friday, 6 June 2014 23:37 (five years ago) link

eff you mode

has he said this yet on tv

johnny crunch, Friday, 6 June 2014 23:43 (five years ago) link

5 Lebrons beats the crap out of 5 Jordans IMO

Kiarostami bag (milo z), Saturday, 7 June 2014 19:06 (five years ago) link

brons size wld be p tuff for jordan to overcome

lag∞n, Saturday, 7 June 2014 19:21 (five years ago) link

yeah i'll go jordan over lebron til i die but a team of lebrons beats a team of jordans. now vs a team of mini ditkas i don't know.

balls, Saturday, 7 June 2014 19:34 (five years ago) link

basketblol

mookieproof, Saturday, 7 June 2014 19:35 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/itLDbW8.jpg

One of the better Onion photoshops

, Saturday, 7 June 2014 20:01 (five years ago) link

NBAHaus ‏@NBAHaus 3m
I feel like @BillSimmons tells Doug and Jalen his ideas before the show. Doug and Jalen tell him "Not a good idea".. Bill proceeds #NBA

lag∞n, Friday, 13 June 2014 01:11 (five years ago) link

Rizz ‏@Rizzmigizz 12m
"It's almost like ___" - Bill Simmons

lag∞n, Friday, 13 June 2014 01:11 (five years ago) link

bill simmons is trending

lag∞n, Friday, 13 June 2014 01:12 (five years ago) link

John Lurie ‏@lurie_john 2m
Bill Simmons is trending because he has been replaced by an actual Talking Gerbil.

lag∞n, Friday, 13 June 2014 01:12 (five years ago) link

i cldnt get through the whole thing but its just astounding how much bill simmons americas biggest sports writer a guy who gets paid to talk abt basketball on tv whole steez is just talking nonsense http://grantland.com/features/24-lingering-questions-from-the-nba-finals

lag∞n, Thursday, 19 June 2014 12:31 (five years ago) link

It's a great gig to have.

Jeff, Thursday, 19 June 2014 12:33 (five years ago) link

like comparing kawhi to pippen

Since Pippen was a 22-year-old rookie, Kawhi got a two-year career jump on him. But Pippen was Chicago’s backup playmaker, so he handled the ball way more than Leonard does (hence, more points and more assists). If you look at Kawhi’s first three playoff years …

writing off pippens superior stats cause he was was Chicago’s backup playmaker, in the nba thats a desirable skill ffs one of many pippen had that kawhi does not, its like saying oh he only had more points cause he was a better shooter, this guy

lag∞n, Thursday, 19 June 2014 12:39 (five years ago) link

i understand he compared the spurs to the '04 red sox on tv, which is really the most bill simmons thing a person could do without referencing the godfather movies

mookieproof, Thursday, 19 June 2014 12:57 (five years ago) link

Or the wire.

Jeff, Thursday, 19 June 2014 13:02 (five years ago) link

lol my god

lag∞n, Thursday, 19 June 2014 13:12 (five years ago) link

Q: What was San Antonio’s luckiest moment of the past 15 years not counting their three lottery wins?

A: Not trading Tony Parker during the summer of 2010 or 2011 when 90 percent of the league would have reacted to 2010’s Phoenix sweep and 2011’s ass-kicking from Memphis by saying, “Let’s cash in our best trade asset and reboot this thing ASAP.” The lessons: Trust your infrastructure, trust continuity, don’t make big trades just to make big trades, and if that’s not enough, count on the fact that you’re the Spurs and you have a steady stream of horseshoes falling out of your ass.

BILL SIMMONS 2009
"Q: Can you please explain your asinine trade suggestion from your May 20 chat that the Spurs should throw away Duncan's last chance at a title by trading Tony Parker to Minnesota? I just want to make sure you're the dumbest writer on ESPN.com.
-- Anthony, El Paso, Texas
SG: Sure. I'll even go with Hubie Brown's second-person hypothetical tense for you.
OK, you're San Antonio. Your Duncan window is closing and so is your chance to contend. You're in NBA no-man's land, a little like Utah from 1999-2002: 45-50 wins guaranteed, no real chance of contending, no way of getting better because they spent too many years picking at the bottom of the first round. So what do you do? You can't trade Duncan; he's an icon and has to finish his career in San Antonio. You can't get fair value for Ginobili because of his injuries and because he's an expiring contract. Your best trade chip is Parker, a good character guy coming off a career year. He's also your most replaceable guy: a gifted scorer who can't shoot 3-pointers, isn't a traditional point guard and struggles to defend certain points. You only need to replace him with someone who can provide 80 percent of his numbers and you'll be OK. You also need to turn him into multiple pieces."

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Thursday, 19 June 2014 15:30 (five years ago) link

So the luckiest moment of San Antonio's last 15 years is not listening to Bill Simmons?

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Thursday, 19 June 2014 15:31 (five years ago) link

Simmons does often admit he's totally wrong about this sort of thing which is nice, but seriously lol @ him for this

Maggie killed Quagmire (collest baby ever) (frogbs), Thursday, 19 June 2014 16:03 (five years ago) link

Sometimes he just really gets an idea jammed up his ass and then when he's wrong he gets equally obsessed with shitting it out.

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Thursday, 19 June 2014 16:10 (five years ago) link

two things I like about Bill Simmons: 1) an ability to call himself out and 2) a refusal to fill the Grantland stable with writers like him even though doing so would be super easy (and cheap).

Maggie killed Quagmire (collest baby ever) (frogbs), Thursday, 19 June 2014 16:16 (five years ago) link

agreed 100%

k3vin k., Thursday, 19 June 2014 16:18 (five years ago) link

three months pass...

Idk what's goin on or where I'd post this on ilnfl but I enjoyed this http://thinkprogress.org/sports/2014/09/23/3571146/bill-simmons-epic-rant-against-roger-goodell/

yung dirk (Clay), Tuesday, 23 September 2014 19:14 (four years ago) link

Simmons seemed to anticipate that his comments could rankle his employer, ESPN, which is an NFL broadcast partner (but has reported that the Ravens knew of the tape shortly after the incident). “I really hope someone calls me or emails me and says I’m in trouble for anything I said about Roger Goodell because if one person says that to me, I’m going public. You leave me alone. The Commissioner is a liar and I get to say that on my podcast.”

lol

lag∞n, Tuesday, 23 September 2014 19:25 (four years ago) link

he got suspended ~_~

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:16 (four years ago) link

three weeks lol

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:16 (four years ago) link

m/l for daring espn to suspend him

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:16 (four years ago) link

protect the shield

yung dirk (Clay), Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:17 (four years ago) link

if he gets into a big protracted fight w espn i will let him back into my heart

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:18 (four years ago) link

What's he threatening to go public with??

Hakeem Olajuwon Howard (Leee), Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:22 (four years ago) link

prob just some ol behind closed doors bs no one but media obsessives will care about that he will never actually even say anyway since hes the most conventional man in the world but im still curious tbh

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:25 (four years ago) link

either that or it was just a weird turn of phrase

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:25 (four years ago) link

yeah i think he just meant he would say something publicly if his bosses told him to cut it out.

i hope he gets back on twitter and just rages.

call all destroyer, Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:38 (four years ago) link

Ha I was just waiting for this thread to get bumped with the inevitable suspension

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:42 (four years ago) link

P incredible that he got more than Stephen a smith got for implying mrs rice basically deserved it but I guess money talks

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:49 (four years ago) link

ESPN probably more afraid of the amount of inlfuence that he weilds

, Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:50 (four years ago) link

wonder what the contractual obligations regarding grantland/its writers are

mookieproof, Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:58 (four years ago) link

im sure he cld get out of his contract if he wanted and espn wld happily keep grantland humming along

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 00:59 (four years ago) link

i dunno -- it's not like they could jettison nate silver and keep 538

mookieproof, Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:08 (four years ago) link

they cld, not sure theyd want to

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:09 (four years ago) link

I'm fairly sure the worldwide leader owns grantland and simmons is just founder/ed in chief, and p sure both sides wanted it that way bc simmons can just walk away if he gets bored

I mean grantland basically exists as a perk to get him to sign his last contract so I doubt this suspension ends up anything bigger than "don't call an important business partner a liar until it's completely inevitably public knowledge and/or proven in a court of law"

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:14 (four years ago) link

yeah espn owns grantland and 538, silver gave them the name as part of his deal, grantland is the placeholder name their web designer used lmao

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:18 (four years ago) link

didn't the otl report basically call the nfl liars, if in less inflammatory terms? simmons wasn't even bashing espn, just daring them to fuck with him for showing a wee bit of journalistic integrity

mookieproof, Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:21 (four years ago) link

I saw a grantland rice book in someone's recycling the other day and was half tempted to pick it up

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:27 (four years ago) link

yeah he was m/l paraphrasing espns reporting

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:27 (four years ago) link

The otl report used a little purple prose but definitely avoided asserting concretely that anyone knew anything that wasn't tied to a specific on the record quote

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:29 (four years ago) link

But yeah the point of the otl report is that any reasonable person immediately concludes that goodell is at best thoroughly incompetent or most likely incompetent and also a liar and also now engaged in a coverup to hide some lies

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:30 (four years ago) link

never read grantland rice but ive heard hes the ultimate old school mythologizer of athletes god amongst men etc various tedious bs, kinda ironic considering simmons made his name bringing everything down to the fans eye view

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:31 (four years ago) link

like larry bird?

mookieproof, Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:32 (four years ago) link

larry bird is genuinely godly tho anyone can see that

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:34 (four years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/fyPIxK5.jpg

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:42 (four years ago) link

yeah it's not like olbermann hasn't gone absolutely volcanic about this pretty much every night. i guess it comes down to you can't threaten espn or they will shut you up for awhile.

yung dirk (Clay), Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:49 (four years ago) link

lol that gif is the best

yung dirk (Clay), Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:50 (four years ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ByV9oqqCEAA3_wz.jpg

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 01:59 (four years ago) link

guess they figured ethics out good enough and they don't need one anymore, good work fellas

yung dirk (Clay), Thursday, 25 September 2014 02:01 (four years ago) link

but you maybe be interested in the content below

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 02:02 (four years ago) link

oh i love content!

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 02:03 (four years ago) link

I'm proud of ol' Bill!

Maggie killed Quagmire (collest baby ever) (frogbs), Thursday, 25 September 2014 02:05 (four years ago) link

this is a great reminder that if you're going to flame out, you should do it using the phrase "fucking bullshit" as much as you can.

call all destroyer, Thursday, 25 September 2014 02:19 (four years ago) link

otm it is the ultimate flame out expression

lag∞n, Thursday, 25 September 2014 02:20 (four years ago) link

Robert Lipsyte's espn ombudsmen column is back up. espn is claiming that there was a technical issue that brought down several blogs, including his.

jbn, Thursday, 25 September 2014 02:48 (four years ago) link

lol ok guys

call all destroyer, Thursday, 25 September 2014 02:49 (four years ago) link

Best for last:

Tim Armstrong should also email Simmons — if only because AOL is where the "Sports Guy" got his start and because he still uses an @aol.com email address.

cichleee suite (Leee), Friday, 3 October 2014 19:46 (four years ago) link

seems to me he wants to be on tv too much to leave espn so unless turner wants to buy up a flagship digital journal for him to slap his name on he's not going anywhere

Nowitzki Shrugged (Clay), Friday, 3 October 2014 19:50 (four years ago) link

i'm still in "believe it when i see it" mode with this shit, lebron-style.

snrub goin up on a tuesday (J0rdan S.), Friday, 3 October 2014 19:54 (four years ago) link

otm

mookieproof, Friday, 3 October 2014 20:12 (four years ago) link

In some quarters, there's skepticism that Simmons is worth so much money. ESPN executives apparently gripe that Simmons' pet project brands on the web — Grantland and FiveThirtyEight — aren't doing very well.
uh

lag∞n, Saturday, 4 October 2014 04:59 (four years ago) link

Grantland has been pretty weak lately - with the redesign they seem to put out a lot less content than Deadspin.

Kiarostami bag (milo z), Sunday, 5 October 2014 21:11 (four years ago) link

When did the guy from Rancid take over AOL?

Kiarostami bag (milo z), Sunday, 5 October 2014 21:12 (four years ago) link

Grantland has been pretty weak lately - with the redesign they seem to put out a lot less content than Deadspin.

― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Sunday, October 5, 2014 4:11 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

After a crazy weekend of playoff baseball, there were two baseball stories up on the front page today. There's an entire 2014-2015 NBA preview section.

Immediate Follower (NA), Monday, 6 October 2014 15:07 (four years ago) link

yes but baseball is a terrible sport

owe me the shmoney (m bison), Monday, 6 October 2014 15:08 (four years ago) link

in depth preview is kinda more their steez than game recaps tho, but yeah you would think they couldve come up w some #longform way to explore the baseball playoffs, also may just be a lil lag after the weekend in the baseball coverage

lag∞n, Monday, 6 October 2014 15:12 (four years ago) link

baseball is already longform enough #americaslasttime

owe me the shmoney (m bison), Monday, 6 October 2014 15:17 (four years ago) link

lol true

lag∞n, Monday, 6 October 2014 15:18 (four years ago) link

well they'll def have a big thing from rany about the royals up today but there's no way he could've turned it around in time for this morning

snrub goin up on a tuesday (J0rdan S.), Monday, 6 October 2014 15:18 (four years ago) link

I wish GL was just NBA articles, TBH. Actually, just Zach Lowe.

Jeff, Monday, 6 October 2014 15:24 (four years ago) link

And Molly Lambert

polyphonic, Monday, 6 October 2014 15:24 (four years ago) link

ya grantland for me is 90% zach lowe, i keep a bookmark to his author page, but they have some other cool stuff sometimes too

lag∞n, Monday, 6 October 2014 15:28 (four years ago) link

wesley morris is pretty cool, read him in the boston globe for years

call all destroyer, Monday, 6 October 2014 15:29 (four years ago) link

ya hes good

lag∞n, Monday, 6 October 2014 15:30 (four years ago) link

Jonathan Abrams features are almost uniformly incredible

Zach Lowe is an incredible perpetual machine of NBA analysis but I am already kind of tired of his writing this season, feel like he needs to son of bazerk CHANGE THE STYLE a lil bit but then again when he tried to fit into the grantland pop culture reference style early on it veered dangerously into poochie on a skateboard territory

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Monday, 6 October 2014 16:18 (four years ago) link

yeah wld prefer if he just honed it down a lil

lag∞n, Monday, 6 October 2014 16:22 (four years ago) link

also hes kinda boring rn prob because were in the very boring part of the offseason

lag∞n, Monday, 6 October 2014 16:23 (four years ago) link

He def recovered once he embraced his inner basketball shut-in but it's funny when he comes back from a vacation suddenly armed with four year old breaking bad references

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Monday, 6 October 2014 16:24 (four years ago) link

Yeah I kinda think they could have just let him write less abt some minor contracts instead of having to pad the last months worth with three intro grafs abt the upcoming TV deal and rising cap

Kinda like the entire entertainment press wasted thousands upon thousands of words chinscratching abt a crouching tiger sequel no one gives abt

z-time champion (agent hibachi), Monday, 6 October 2014 16:26 (four years ago) link

ya we really dont need all these hot takes

lag∞n, Monday, 6 October 2014 16:27 (four years ago) link

it's like w/the internet and media moving faster, instead of at the end of the day the big stories being written for the following day's paper, now all day long you see new stories popping up on websites every fifteen minutes that fifteen minutes later are completely forgotten.

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Monday, 6 October 2014 16:34 (four years ago) link

lowe is at times the best basketball writer we have and at others the most unreadable. he's just unbearably square

k3vin k., Monday, 6 October 2014 18:20 (four years ago) link

no love for bill barnwell?

Mr. Snrub, Tuesday, 7 October 2014 03:09 (four years ago) link

eh what is there to say about football really, it's a watching sport

k3vin k., Tuesday, 7 October 2014 03:13 (four years ago) link

barnwell is terrible

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 7 October 2014 03:14 (four years ago) link

“Knowing what I know now,” Lerer said, “I think he should say: ‘I had a breakdown, I didn’t mean what I said. I’m back at ESPN and I love it.’ ”

lol otm

lag∞n, Wednesday, 15 October 2014 13:32 (four years ago) link

I am not partial to Simmons but if Grantland goes the way Sports on Earth just did I'll be very disappointed.

El Tomboto, Wednesday, 15 October 2014 13:43 (four years ago) link

VIEWING ALERT!!!!! At 7 p.m. ET on Thursday (10/23), The Grantland Basketball Hour makes its triumphant debut on ESPN. Your hosts? Bill Simmons and Jalen Rose, who will be joined by Jeff Van Gundy, Doc Rivers, Michelle Beadle, and Zach Lowe

o gosh

lag∞n, Wednesday, 22 October 2014 04:46 (four years ago) link

I am definitely watching that and hating it

Clay, Wednesday, 22 October 2014 04:51 (four years ago) link

wait, what is doc doing there. he has a job

k3vin k., Wednesday, 22 October 2014 05:19 (four years ago) link

@BillSimmons
If Ned Yost had managed the Red Sox during the Pedro era, I'd be living in an insane asylum right now.

whatever, nba dude

mookieproof, Saturday, 25 October 2014 02:51 (four years ago) link

not to mention grady little managed them for much of the pedro era and he put people in an insane asylum

lag∞n, Saturday, 25 October 2014 02:56 (four years ago) link

for sure ned is not any worse than grady was

call all destroyer, Saturday, 25 October 2014 04:13 (four years ago) link

i had to go to the insane asylum more than once cause of that guy

lag∞n, Saturday, 25 October 2014 04:15 (four years ago) link

hoo boy

call all destroyer, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:17 (four years ago) link

mad dad

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:18 (four years ago) link

he must really want out idk

Clay, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:19 (four years ago) link

dude would never last on the goon thread

mookieproof, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:27 (four years ago) link

can't believe anyone on earth could care about anything mike and mike says even if it's about them

J0rdan S., Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:32 (four years ago) link

big overlap in audiences tho which is i imagine the important part to bill and his desire to be hero worshiped by his base. there is a venn diagram i don't want to spend any time in the middle of.

Roberto Spiralli, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:37 (four years ago) link

not sure mike&mike have an audience

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:41 (four years ago) link

bill's just pissed that he always got in trouble for bashing other espn talent

call all destroyer, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:49 (four years ago) link

ya prob

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:50 (four years ago) link

he shd go work for an actual journalistic entity that will worship him for the media star he is instead of for espn who make all their money broadcasting sporting events

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:52 (four years ago) link

like hes the most popular sports writer in the country but he will always mean less to espn than some rando college football game

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:53 (four years ago) link

on the other hand they pay him a shit load of money and let him have his own website documentary series and tv show

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:54 (four years ago) link

prob just stay on espn and stop being such a baby idk

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:54 (four years ago) link

yeah the prob is that basically any other platform would be a step back

call all destroyer, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:55 (four years ago) link

maybe running grantland isnt as much fun as he thought it was gonna be and hes trying to weasel out of it

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:55 (four years ago) link

he shd go work for an actual journalistic entity that will worship him for the media star he is instead of for espn who make all their money broadcasting sporting events

He's not much of a journalist though

polyphonic, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:57 (four years ago) link

hes a writer or whatever you want to call it point is hes m/l window dressing for espns core business

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:58 (four years ago) link

You could say ESPN is Bill Belichick and Grantland is the Patriots and Bill Simmons is ol' Tommy Brady and Mike & Mike are Eli and Peyton

Abstinence Hawk (frogbs), Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:58 (four years ago) link

which mike is which tho

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 19:59 (four years ago) link

which Mike is Payton, I'd way rather be Payton xp

Clay, Thursday, 6 November 2014 20:00 (four years ago) link

ha

Clay, Thursday, 6 November 2014 20:00 (four years ago) link

simmons is ray liotta in goodfellas and mike&mike is joe pesci in goodfellas and espn is paul sorvino in goodfellas

mookieproof, Thursday, 6 November 2014 20:01 (four years ago) link

Simmons working in a different corporate context ... it's hard to imagine that it would go well considering that his first real job as an adult (probably?) randomly turned into a cult of personality / fiefdom.

polyphonic, Thursday, 6 November 2014 20:06 (four years ago) link

im sure any number of prominent outlets would let him say whatever he wants about roger goodell

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 20:18 (four years ago) link

Which would be the best fit iyo

polyphonic, Thursday, 6 November 2014 20:23 (four years ago) link

first look media

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 20:24 (four years ago) link

the interception: a bill simmons digital magazine

Roberto Spiralli, Thursday, 6 November 2014 20:24 (four years ago) link

lmao

lag∞n, Thursday, 6 November 2014 20:28 (four years ago) link

two months pass...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B66pzuyIYAA5EgJ.png

mookieproof, Friday, 9 January 2015 15:08 (four years ago) link

o bill

lag∞n, Friday, 9 January 2015 15:13 (four years ago) link

YES SIMMONS IT'S REALLY GREAT THAT YOUR TEAM IS SO FUCKING GOOD, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

Mr. Snrub, Friday, 16 January 2015 19:07 (four years ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B7fmT_VCEAAYCfz.png

mookieproof, Friday, 16 January 2015 19:10 (four years ago) link

o gosh

lag∞n, Friday, 16 January 2015 19:10 (four years ago) link

poetry

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 16 January 2015 19:14 (four years ago) link

classic simmons column for which the tl;dr version can be described as *masturbates furiously*

i'm tellin you it was kenard (slothroprhymes), Friday, 16 January 2015 19:16 (four years ago) link

i had to go and look out of morbid curiosity but i couldn't bear to read it

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 16 January 2015 19:18 (four years ago) link

yeah im gonna pass

lag∞n, Friday, 16 January 2015 19:26 (four years ago) link

heeeere we go again http://gran.tl/1CmnJhz

i'm tellin you it was kenard (slothroprhymes), Friday, 23 January 2015 14:56 (four years ago) link

yasssssss

k3vin k., Friday, 23 January 2015 14:58 (four years ago) link

If you made up an adjective to describe Westbrook or MVP Rose, it would be “freakocious.” A ferocious freak, basically.

mookieproof, Friday, 23 January 2015 14:58 (four years ago) link

: /

call all destroyer, Friday, 23 January 2015 15:00 (four years ago) link

oof

lag∞n, Friday, 23 January 2015 15:05 (four years ago) link

naturally he found a way to sneak kelly o. in there

i'm tellin you it was kenard (slothroprhymes), Friday, 23 January 2015 16:02 (four years ago) link

tbf kellyo is the biggest nba story of 2015

lag∞n, Friday, 23 January 2015 16:03 (four years ago) link

List makes no sense whatsoever

polyphonic, Friday, 23 January 2015 16:09 (four years ago) link

Marcus Smart, Elfrid Payton: 2015’s copresidents of the “If They Learn How To Shoot, Look Out!”

smart literally shooting 36% from three right now, a look at his shot chart will tell u the problem has actually been his finishing at the rim aka the thing everyone thought he was good at

http://i.imgur.com/PvKKM2C.png

lag∞n, Friday, 23 January 2015 16:34 (four years ago) link

feel like he has a good chance to improve significantly there, he looks hesitant when he drives leading me to believe its just something he needs to figure out rather than something hes not capable of

lag∞n, Friday, 23 January 2015 16:35 (four years ago) link

57. Draymond Green
56. Goran Dragic
Draymond is Golden State’s best defender,

wut

lag∞n, Friday, 23 January 2015 16:42 (four years ago) link

dub's best defender without lingering health issues?

pursuit of happiness (art), Friday, 23 January 2015 16:46 (four years ago) link

hes a really good defender for sure tho a lil undersized, just a weird thing to say about a team that has a legit great defender

lag∞n, Friday, 23 January 2015 16:47 (four years ago) link

oh yeah definitely agree. i like simmons but he gets excited and says dumb things sometimes

pursuit of happiness (art), Friday, 23 January 2015 16:51 (four years ago) link

52. Kevin Love

not gonna bother counting how many players above love who irl their teams wld trade for him but its a lot

lag∞n, Friday, 23 January 2015 16:54 (four years ago)