your terrible ideas

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed

1. An adaptation of Blood Meridian scored by Def Leppard

real men love cheeses (latebloomer), Saturday, 4 July 2009 06:07 (ten years ago) link

2. I'll move to San Francisco
3. Make a monster costume out of a dirty shag rug
4. Mobile DJ at English pub in a town an hour away using a PA I've never used

bamcquern, Saturday, 4 July 2009 06:25 (ten years ago) link

5. date down

carpathian florist (roxymuzak), Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:08 (ten years ago) link

6. date

what a delightfully quirky new voice! (bug), Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:10 (ten years ago) link

1. An adaptation of Blood Meridian scored by Def Leppard

7. An adaption of The Mikado done entirely using mobile ringtones.

snoball, Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:30 (ten years ago) link

8. a book about combat rock compared/contrasted with the 1982 worlds fair

carpathian florist (roxymuzak), Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:38 (ten years ago) link

9. (another music one, but that's what I save most of my truly bad ideas for) An album made entirely using samples from Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music" and Presley's "Having Fun With Elvis On Stage" (because they are supposedly the worst two albums ever made - my theory being that I could make an even worse-er album by combining them).

snoball, Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:44 (ten years ago) link

10. putting chilli sauce on vanilla ice cream - one mouthful was enough to cause projectile vomiting.

snoball, Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:46 (ten years ago) link

11. marinara sauce and peanut butter

what a delightfully quirky new voice! (bug), Saturday, 4 July 2009 08:56 (ten years ago) link

12. Going back to school.

Turkoglu & Love Affair (Clay), Saturday, 4 July 2009 09:03 (ten years ago) link

nah, that's a great idea.

what a delightfully quirky new voice! (bug), Saturday, 4 July 2009 09:55 (ten years ago) link

13. Starting the thread "What does 'rockist' mean?"

bamcquern, Saturday, 4 July 2009 16:05 (ten years ago) link

14. A pop group exclusively made up of 2 year olds called Diaper Rash.

real men love cheeses (latebloomer), Saturday, 4 July 2009 16:09 (ten years ago) link

13. Starting the thread "What does 'rockist' mean?"

― bamcquern, Saturday, July 4, 2009 11:05 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

if your original post was a gigantic picture of goatse with an embedded sound clip of, i dunno, somebody having explosive diarrhea or something, then it'd be a pretty great idea

what a delightfully quirky new voice! (bug), Saturday, 4 July 2009 17:28 (ten years ago) link

15. deciding you wanna ride a goddamn ferris wheel

16. 1p3

a poppy seed NAGL (J0rdan S.), Saturday, 4 July 2009 17:46 (ten years ago) link

two months pass...

17. Sell white rice dyed brown to exploit gullible newcomers to the health food world (long time health food consumers would probably see right through the scam.) The brand would be called "Rice that is Brown" rather than "So-and-So brown rice" and list the ingredients in super timy print.

latebloomer, Friday, 11 September 2009 02:29 (ten years ago) link

eh..tiny print

latebloomer, Friday, 11 September 2009 02:30 (ten years ago) link

haha the next step would be "Rice that is Multiethnic" and it would just be bag of Fruity Pebbles.

we like cars, we like cartoons (dyao), Friday, 11 September 2009 02:37 (ten years ago) link

would that actually like... save you any money?

mountain G.O.A.T. (s1ocki), Friday, 11 September 2009 03:32 (ten years ago) link

slocki you don't get it--IT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA!

ian, Friday, 11 September 2009 06:36 (ten years ago) link

1. An adaptation of Blood Meridian scored by Def Leppard

7. An adaption of The Mikado done entirely using mobile ringtones.

18. an adaptation of Do You Remember Love?/Macross for the musical theater/broadway stage.

tehresa, Friday, 11 September 2009 07:08 (ten years ago) link

maybe less terrible and more so not gonna happen why bc i am lazy

tehresa, Friday, 11 September 2009 07:08 (ten years ago) link

im dying over rice that is brown

Angus Young (roxymuzak), Monday, 14 September 2009 12:04 (ten years ago) link

19. Putting a book of my poetry out
20. Taking up a drug habit on the back of the highly unlikely profits from this anthology of work (any suggestions for the drugs?)

Don't Be A Ned Raggett (King Boy Pato), Monday, 14 September 2009 12:09 (ten years ago) link

idk I've actually been pretty impressed with yr writing. Honestly.

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Monday, 14 September 2009 16:59 (ten years ago) link

21. Combination mezzuzah and bottle opener, so you're never at a loss with a cold beer in your hand.

that stupid-ass cannibal pen-pal of yours (Laurel), Monday, 14 September 2009 17:03 (ten years ago) link

(xxpost) not my terrible idea, but someone once suggested to me, in all seriousness, that I become a smack head in order to guarantee that I could continue to claim benefits.

a gift from your mind in the form of the perfect beat (snoball), Monday, 14 September 2009 17:04 (ten years ago) link

patoetry plzzz

jergins, Monday, 14 September 2009 17:06 (ten years ago) link

art project involving tramp stamps, semen and polaroid camera.

ian, Monday, 14 September 2009 17:31 (ten years ago) link

A Terrible Plan!

velko, Monday, 14 September 2009 17:35 (ten years ago) link

tramp stamps on actual tramps

fountain bleaut (s1ocki), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:15 (ten years ago) link

like, hoboes

fountain bleaut (s1ocki), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:15 (ten years ago) link

i thought it would be great an edgy brooklyn gallery! you know, like, transgressive sexuality & the mainstream appeal of defacing the body. or something.

ian, Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:19 (ten years ago) link

you have to go for that obsessive all-over-composition style in the installation ... also you need typewritten descriptions of the context for each photo

Suggest Bander-Meinhof Complex (sarahel), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:22 (ten years ago) link

make the stamp say something edgy like "FEMINISM" or "ART" or something

we like cars, we like cartoons (dyao), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:23 (ten years ago) link

the images will be titled with the content of the stamp.

for example:
daisies no. 2
chinese character nos. 1-3

ian, Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:29 (ten years ago) link

maybe you can install them onto a traced map of your city, with push pins, and place them in the locations where the people live or were photographed, and it could be a commentary on gentrification or routes travelled.

Suggest Bander-Meinhof Complex (sarahel), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:33 (ten years ago) link

I'm trying to combine all the edgy art trends I can think of ...

Suggest Bander-Meinhof Complex (sarahel), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:34 (ten years ago) link

^feelin this

ROCK BAND: BORBETOMAGUS (haitch), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:37 (ten years ago) link

http://purefnevyl.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/corinthians_tramp_stamp.jpg

ian, Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:41 (ten years ago) link

http://www.thesicness.com/pics/march09/03072009/tramp_stamp.jpg

ian, Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:42 (ten years ago) link

I think a pretty funny tramp stamp would be a second asshole

we like cars, we like cartoons (dyao), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 04:43 (ten years ago) link

idk I've actually been pretty impressed with yr writing. Honestly.

u drunk

a light salad of Adorno, Heidegger, Derrida and Esteban Buttez (King Boy Pato), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 13:53 (ten years ago) link

Nope and I still stand by that statement.

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 14:05 (ten years ago) link

"dunk hunt"

Angus Young (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 17:34 (ten years ago) link

one month passes...

20-something. momus hosts a cooking show called "cumin in a girl's mouth"

chemical ali v. chemical frazier (m bison), Friday, 16 October 2009 19:56 (ten years ago) link

otherwise known as "Monday" in Japan

well pull down my pants and call me swamp thing (latebloomer), Saturday, 17 October 2009 02:48 (ten years ago) link

Freak out the receptionist at work.

Sorry John, but I like to freak you out

I got RIPPED in 4 weeks (Z S), Saturday, 17 October 2009 03:00 (ten years ago) link

This thread reminds me of a scene from Office Space:

TOM: You know there are people in this world who don't have to put up with all this shit? Like that guy that invented the pet rock. You see, that's what you have to do. You have to use your mind and come up with some really great idea like that and you never have to work again!

MICHAEL (with resigned, but obvious, disgust): You think the pet rock was a really great idea?

TOM: Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars!

The confident, oblivious way Tom answers Michael Bolton always makes me smile.

Daniel, Esq., Saturday, 17 October 2009 03:10 (ten years ago) link

Staying on to train my replacement.

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Saturday, 17 October 2009 03:43 (ten years ago) link

tbf is that YOUR terrible idea, or the terrible idea of the management?

ian, Saturday, 17 October 2009 04:11 (ten years ago) link

you had better tell him about the hardline no homophobes policy.

ian, Saturday, 17 October 2009 04:12 (ten years ago) link

my terrible idea. i haven't actually suggested it to anyone as they don't even know i'm leaving yet, but i'm considering it. means my two weeks notice would maybe be extended by one week.

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Saturday, 17 October 2009 21:29 (ten years ago) link

Is it the kind of place, where if you concede to doing that, they could be nice and let you collect unemployment?

sarahel, Saturday, 17 October 2009 21:39 (ten years ago) link

this yoga place here in the DC area had the terrible idea to send around a halloween promo email that says HAPPY YOGA'WEEN

at first I was like.. what! they are starting a yoga class with only music from WEEN? sadly, they aren't

what kind of money? obama money! (daria-g), Thursday, 29 October 2009 04:23 (ten years ago) link

lol yoga'ween is utterly ridiculous.

my current terrible idea is crushing on a woman fifteen years older than me.

ian, Thursday, 29 October 2009 04:39 (ten years ago) link

i'm sure she'd be flattered

sarahel, Thursday, 29 October 2009 04:43 (ten years ago) link

yeah, i'd rather get some snuggling tbh.

ian, Thursday, 29 October 2009 04:46 (ten years ago) link

i always joked that since my last two relationship fell apart when the lady turned thirty, i really wanted to try dating someone on the cusp of 40; this lady is 39. sigh.

ian, Thursday, 29 October 2009 04:46 (ten years ago) link

be careful.

(: (: (: (Curt1s Stephens), Thursday, 29 October 2009 04:49 (ten years ago) link

well, yeah.

ian, Thursday, 29 October 2009 04:53 (ten years ago) link

I saw a sticker on a car today that looked like a rastafied Motorhead logo and thought it might have said "Märleyhead". If this hasn't been done it would be a pretty terrible idea for a cover band - play the Bob songs Lemmy style and the Lemmy songs Bob style.

joygoat, Thursday, 29 October 2009 04:59 (ten years ago) link

redemption song still the show stopper.

ian, Thursday, 29 October 2009 05:01 (ten years ago) link

i would go out of morbid curiosity

i ain't no daggum son of a gun (latebloomer), Thursday, 29 October 2009 06:47 (ten years ago) link

which may or may not be a terrible idea in itself

i ain't no daggum son of a gun (latebloomer), Thursday, 29 October 2009 06:48 (ten years ago) link

six months pass...

want to open up a french fry shop in moscow called 'vladimir poutine'

/\/\ /\ Y ( ) (dyao), Friday, 28 May 2010 15:47 (nine years ago) link

that is not a terrible idea, it's a TERRIFIC idea!

village idiot (dog latin), Friday, 28 May 2010 15:48 (nine years ago) link

A brokerage or real-estate office where liberals who live in red states and conservatives who live in godless heathen liberal areas can just swap properties -- yea or nay?

Grisly Addams (WmC), Friday, 28 May 2010 15:55 (nine years ago) link

conservatives don't surrender ime

darraghmac, just imagine that I came out with a new "translation" of the Tain bo Cuailnge where Cuchullain had a little kid helper always quick with a current-to-the-times wisecrack, and the name of the character was like "Moomoollin'"

now animate that

.....

― brad whitford's impotent rage (underrated aerosmith albums I have loved), Friday, 30 April 2010 16:29 (4 hours ago) Bookmark

^ could still get behind this, tbh

parody thread called "Best of the Internet: Animated YIFs."

then did a google search and oh god why

why why why

⚖ on my truck (dyao), Tuesday, 8 June 2010 14:34 (nine years ago) link

one month passes...

I want to make a movie about a british politician who goes vegan and the hilarious fallout that occurs afterwards, it will be called "soy tory"

dyao, Tuesday, 20 July 2010 01:06 (nine years ago) link

8. a book about combat rock compared/contrasted with the 1982 worlds fair

― carpathian florist (roxymuzak), Saturday, July 4, 2009 4:38 AM (1 year ago)

kinda wanna jump back into this one

roxymuzak, Wednesday, 21 July 2010 04:31 (nine years ago) link

go for it!

latebloomer, Wednesday, 21 July 2010 05:05 (nine years ago) link

TV show about a nerdy Jewish mathematician living in NYC called "Seinwave"

dyao, Wednesday, 4 August 2010 03:16 (nine years ago) link

(inspired by cruts post on wolf thread)

dyao, Wednesday, 4 August 2010 03:17 (nine years ago) link

quit job, start a noise band

"goof proof cooking, I love it!" (Z S), Wednesday, 4 August 2010 03:29 (nine years ago) link

call it dale earnhardt jr jr jr

"goof proof cooking, I love it!" (Z S), Wednesday, 4 August 2010 03:30 (nine years ago) link

your noise band could open for conceptual joke noise band #4 of mine named: I Love You But My Panda Is Gay

sarahel, Wednesday, 4 August 2010 03:31 (nine years ago) link

^^ merch would consist of different colored hankies with one panda mounting the other from behind as the pattern

sarahel, Wednesday, 4 August 2010 03:36 (nine years ago) link

my terrible hypothetical noise band doesn't play shows, it only practices

"goof proof cooking, I love it!" (Z S), Wednesday, 4 August 2010 03:45 (nine years ago) link

we open for the beginning of The Office reruns on TNT

"goof proof cooking, I love it!" (Z S), Wednesday, 4 August 2010 03:46 (nine years ago) link

we are legendary

"goof proof cooking, I love it!" (Z S), Wednesday, 4 August 2010 03:46 (nine years ago) link

My terrible hypothetical noise band doesn't play shows, or practice, or record. However we (I actually) will record an album in one day, to be titled "aaaaaaarrrgh". I'm pretty sure this is a terrible idea.

ninjas and lasers and gold and (snoball), Wednesday, 4 August 2010 08:48 (nine years ago) link

p sure john & yoko beat u to this?

"It's far from 'lol' you were reared, boy" (darraghmac), Wednesday, 4 August 2010 08:49 (nine years ago) link

but in any case, it's merely an extension of how 90% of people approach college/work assignments

"It's far from 'lol' you were reared, boy" (darraghmac), Wednesday, 4 August 2010 08:49 (nine years ago) link

xp not unless John sang through a toy voice changing megaphone.

ninjas and lasers and gold and (snoball), Wednesday, 4 August 2010 15:26 (nine years ago) link

Just to clarify, it's not that my hypothetical noise band's music is played on tv before the office reruns on TNT, it's that at practice we pay special attention to when the show is about to start, we play our music during the commercial break, and then stop suddenly the moment the rerun begins.

I just don't want anyone to get the wrong terrible idea

"goof proof cooking, I love it!" (Z S), Wednesday, 4 August 2010 16:25 (nine years ago) link

yeah it's true the clarification makes it clear that it really is a terrible idea

"It's far from 'lol' you were reared, boy" (darraghmac), Wednesday, 4 August 2010 16:32 (nine years ago) link

two weeks pass...

- a book called 'Also Available In White', containing photos of phrases seen written in the grime on the back of white vans.

- midget estate agents, to make houses seem bigger to prospective buyers.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Thursday, 19 August 2010 13:18 (nine years ago) link

hahaha

proprietor of gib (roxymuzak), Thursday, 19 August 2010 16:10 (nine years ago) link

irl lol

Gravel Puzzleworth, Thursday, 19 August 2010 16:14 (nine years ago) link

midget estate agents, to make houses seem bigger to prospective buyers.

i want to vacuum seal this and save it for a rainy day when i need some cheering up.

lord goo goo (latebloomer), Thursday, 19 August 2010 21:25 (nine years ago) link

http://static.nme.com/images/blog/Fever_Ray_chair.jpg

? (dyao), Thursday, 19 August 2010 23:41 (nine years ago) link

-signing up for cougartown.com

first time ~fruity swag~ poster (zorn_bond.mp3), Thursday, 19 August 2010 23:48 (nine years ago) link

-i dont know if this is just a Hawaii thing or what, but you see t-shirts and stickers EVERYWHERE that just say "LISTEN TO BOB MARLEY" in white block letters on a black background. Terrible idea: print up shirts that say "STOP LISTENING TO BOB MARLEY"

budget gr8080 (gr8080), Friday, 20 August 2010 22:25 (nine years ago) link

Start a canine-themed Nine Inch Nails tribute act called March of the Pugs

lord goo goo (latebloomer), Saturday, 21 August 2010 02:25 (nine years ago) link

friend had a terrible idea involving pugs once but a lot of assholes beat him to it:

http://www.google.com/images?q=pug%20life%20shirt&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=1146&bih=463

meth boyfriend (gr8080), Saturday, 21 August 2010 02:29 (nine years ago) link

- a book called 'Also Available In White', containing photos of phrases seen written in the grime on the back of white vans.

i think that's a great idea! for some reason it reminds me of this

dell (del), Saturday, 21 August 2010 17:43 (nine years ago) link

I originally had the idea 15 years ago, and have been reminded about it three or four times a year since then. The basic flaw that makes it a terrible idea is that, as far as I can gather from my UK based research, only the following things are ever written in the dirt on the back of a white van:

*'Also available in white'
*'I wish my wife was as dirty as this van'
*smiley face with 'Hello' speech bubble
*'FUCK'/'SHIT'/'PISS'/'WANKERS'/etc.
*drawing of a cock

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 21 August 2010 17:57 (nine years ago) link

It really torments me*. As an abstract idea, it looks like it should be a coffee table book. In reality it's probably a blog that gets abandoned after about half a dozen entries.

(*OK not really)

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 21 August 2010 17:59 (nine years ago) link

are you above sneaking around writing witty messages on the vans yourself and photographing them? NO ONE WOULD KNOW

nonviolent j (unregistered), Saturday, 21 August 2010 18:26 (nine years ago) link

I thought about that, but even back then as a morally flexible 21 year old, I knew that my conscience would hunt me down.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 21 August 2010 18:28 (nine years ago) link

they don't write "Wash me!" on cars in the UK?

sarahel, Saturday, 21 August 2010 19:27 (nine years ago) link

Saving that for the second book tbh...

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 21 August 2010 19:33 (nine years ago) link

- an emergency eyewear service for people who lose their contact lenses or glasses while traveling. just dial a hotline number, and the Sightmobile (which plays "I Can See Clearly Now" in dinky ice cream van fashion) will deliver you a pair of disposable contacts or rental eyeglasses for a slightly ridiculous fee.

nonviolent j (unregistered), Saturday, 21 August 2010 21:14 (nine years ago) link

I guess you could also pick up emergency eyewear at Lenscrafters, but how are you supposed to get to Lenscrafters if you can't fucking see?

nonviolent j (unregistered), Saturday, 21 August 2010 21:15 (nine years ago) link

- helpmelayer.com - combines fashion advice and weather info - you can plug in your projected route when going out at night, and it will tell you whether you can get away with just t-shirt + hoodie, or whether short-sleeve + sweater + coat would be best

sarahel, Saturday, 21 August 2010 21:19 (nine years ago) link

^^ it would have a very simple graphic interface for those who are already intoxicated before leaving the house - like "you will be freezing your ass off" would be a blue cartoon face with icicles hanging off it. You could also submit pictures of your wardrobe for more advanced customization

sarahel, Saturday, 21 August 2010 21:23 (nine years ago) link

you know these last 2 ideas arent that bad

proprietor of gib (roxymuzak), Sunday, 22 August 2010 00:36 (nine years ago) link

last one could be v handy in SF

proprietor of gib (roxymuzak), Sunday, 22 August 2010 00:36 (nine years ago) link

i like the "i can see clearly now" van!

horseshoe, Sunday, 22 August 2010 00:43 (nine years ago) link

automatic vibrating toothbrush with built-in battery that recharges using the same mechanism as those flashlights that you shake back and forth to recharge.

flaw: who really cares about having a vibrating toothbrush?

karl...arlk...rlka...lkar..., Sunday, 22 August 2010 01:01 (nine years ago) link

would the vibration of the toothbrush cause the battery to recharge itself? have you just invented the world's first perpetual motion device?

? (dyao), Sunday, 22 August 2010 01:05 (nine years ago) link

maybe its not a bad idea. all the world's machines will run using the energy created by this toothbrush.

karl...arlk...rlka...lkar..., Sunday, 22 August 2010 01:06 (nine years ago) link

I really like your idea, karl, but uh, don't almost all electric toothbrushes vibrate? the ones with round, spinning heads only vibrate as a consequence of the spinning, but some of the higher-end models have an ordinary toothbrush head that cleans your teeth by vibrating at a super high speed. that Philips Sonicare hoonja-doonja is probably the best known example of the latter. it seems like every time I go to the dentist (which is not very often lately ha ha), the hygienist recommends that I buy a Sonicare. I trust her judgment, so I'll cave in one of these days. it vibrates at something like 30,000 brush strokes per minute, and it's really good at getting into those tight spaces between your teeth and under your gums — a u&k thing for anyone who's ever suffered from gingivitis. it's only $69.99 and up at Best Buy. ayo y'all, you should stop by there someday and ask for Jason (that's me!).

nonviolent j (unregistered), Sunday, 22 August 2010 03:46 (nine years ago) link

ha ha ha, grats dude, you know a lot about toothbrushes..

STUFU

karl...arlk...rlka...lkar..., Sunday, 22 August 2010 07:45 (nine years ago) link

xp - creating a sockpuppet called "target" to post about things being on sale at Target at lower prices in threads that "best buy" posted in

sarahel, Sunday, 22 August 2010 08:02 (nine years ago) link

- A concept album based on an alternative history of the 20th century, where the Soviet Union doesn't exist, and the Communist Revolution happens in the US instead. Titled 'USSA' - United Socialist States of America. The cover would be a US flag, but the stripes in red and gold, and a hammer & sickle in the corner instead of the stars.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Sunday, 22 August 2010 09:47 (nine years ago) link

uh, anyway, unregistered, idk why i didn't say this last night, i guess cause i was drunk, but the "idea" part of my post was about the recharging thing, not the vibration. you are probably unaware of the shakey-flashlight-battery mechanism that i'm talkin about.

karl...arlk...rlka...lkar..., Sunday, 22 August 2010 15:43 (nine years ago) link

but y'see, my comment was in response to the "who really cares about having a vibrating toothbrush" part of your post and not what came before it. the shake 'n bake battery is a new concept to me, although I guess it isn't all that different from the crank-operated flashlight I own but only really use as a toy. I'm sure I'd get a lot of use out of your toothbrush on a long camping trip if I actually went camping on a regular basis.

nonviolent j (unregistered), Sunday, 22 August 2010 16:06 (nine years ago) link

(I wasn't drunk yesterday, so I have no excuse for any idiocy I spouted at the time, or any time really)

nonviolent j (unregistered), Sunday, 22 August 2010 16:07 (nine years ago) link

my toothbrush will be useful at home, too. you will never have to buy another one b/c the battery won't die and you won't have to plug it in b/c you will recharge it just by using it! i'm also thinking about adding LED lights. and various fancy replacement heads that have different strengths and weaknesses so you will want them all.

karl...arlk...rlka...lkar..., Sunday, 22 August 2010 16:12 (nine years ago) link

million dollars bomb pops

every package of bombpops contains a card that says "YOU WIN ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Enter in your victory code at www.------.com for details" But when you go to the website, it's just a link to my noise band called "One Million Dollars" that accompanies the lead-in commercials to The Office reruns on TNT, and there's fine print that says something like "Bomb Pops(tm) assumes that the phrase 'you win one million dollars' means 'you listen to the demos of the band One Million Dollars'

Z S, Sunday, 22 August 2010 16:16 (nine years ago) link

the blank stares I get when trying to explain this to my beyonce reminds me of what the founders of google must have gotten when they explained their ideas

Z S, Sunday, 22 August 2010 16:18 (nine years ago) link

If it includes replacement heads to clean your grill, toilet, cat, and kitchen floor, I'd easily buy a dozen of those, xxpost.

nonviolent j (unregistered), Sunday, 22 August 2010 16:19 (nine years ago) link

two weeks pass...

a nudie pin-up calendar to sell as a fundraiser for Safe Streets based on the warning on the back of meterperson cars "Battery on a Parking Control Officer is a criminal offence"

the calendar would feature parking control officers naked with various batteries covering the porno bits

sarahel, Friday, 10 September 2010 06:50 (nine years ago) link

'Jim'll fsck It' - a TV show starring Sir Jimmy Saville OBE, where he goes to a different server farm every week and runs fsck on a server.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Friday, 10 September 2010 13:40 (nine years ago) link

Similar to a terrible idea I had once for a black version of the show called Jamahl'll Fix It

village idiot (dog latin), Friday, 10 September 2010 14:29 (nine years ago) link

Quo-O-Meter - a plank of wood marked off with a graduated scale. You stand on it with your feet apart and read off the scale how rockin' all over the world you are. Feet almost together would be "Marguerita Time", feet far apart would be "Caroline" or something.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Sunday, 12 September 2010 21:07 (nine years ago) link

lolin at Jim'll fsck it

waka flocka flame for all time (dayo), Sunday, 12 September 2010 23:36 (nine years ago) link

I thought that after Saville runs fsck, he could go "ahahaurahuauharuaahah" while waving a cigar (unlit of course). Or "How's about that they, boys and girls!". Then they could play the theme song at the end, with the lyrics amended to "Now he's done it. Jim has fsck'ed it for you!" etc.
It was the best - meaning least terrible - out of a number of celebrity themed ideas which also included "Paul Daniels' root Password Reminder Show" and "Jimmy Tarbuck Goes To The Big Laser Printer At The End Of The Hall, Takes Out The Toner Cartridge, Shakes It About A Bit, And Then Puts It Back In Programme".

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 13 September 2010 08:13 (nine years ago) link

Pitchforke Reviewes Reviewes - a blog reviewing pitchfork reviews in Chaucerian english

sarahel, Wednesday, 15 September 2010 22:35 (nine years ago) link

could definitely work

Chinedu "Edu" Obasi Ogbuke (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 15 September 2010 22:37 (nine years ago) link

i made a modern to middle english translator once -- it didn't work very well:

"not alle messages are displayed: show alle messages (138 of them)"

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 15 September 2010 22:43 (nine years ago) link

Pitchfork Reviews Revue - a troupe of Folies girls who review Pitchfork reviews via interpretive can-can routines

tickle me lmao (unregistered), Thursday, 16 September 2010 02:49 (nine years ago) link

An edible model of the titanic -made of seitan- called : the seitanic

bamcquern, Thursday, 16 September 2010 03:32 (nine years ago) link

they should make boogle which is google but has ghosts and skeletons

stev23, Thursday, 16 September 2010 04:55 (nine years ago) link

xp - did i ever tell you about the spaghetti boats?

sarahel, Thursday, 16 September 2010 05:29 (nine years ago) link

Last night I had this terrible idea while drunk having no patience at the microwave -

ME: I wish there was a microwave that would get something FIVE MINUTE hot but in just 50 seconds...
EMILY: What?!
ME: You know, like it still did the work of the time you wanted, but in a fraction of the time - 3 MINUTES in 30 seconds....
EMILY: You mean a higher powered microwave?
ME: Yeah, I guess so.

i am giving you the caesar salad of compliments (Nijoli), Thursday, 16 September 2010 16:39 (nine years ago) link

hahaha, that was like some kind of microwave version of the spinal tap "goes to 11" thing

hoos wears orange camo pants ffs (roxymuzak), Thursday, 23 September 2010 06:03 (nine years ago) link

lol totally!

harbl madness (latebloomer), Thursday, 23 September 2010 06:29 (nine years ago) link

also

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9mioHO4hoM

harbl madness (latebloomer), Thursday, 23 September 2010 06:29 (nine years ago) link

i made a modern to middle english translator once -- it didn't work very well:

"not alle messages are displayed: show alle messages (138 of them)"

― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, September 15, 2010 11:43 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark

aloh

"SEX" drought, 2 wisks (zorn_bond.mp3), Thursday, 23 September 2010 06:38 (nine years ago) link

HOMER SIMPSON (watching meatloaf rotating in microwave oven): "Oooooh... Why isn't there anything faster than a microwave?"

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Thursday, 23 September 2010 08:26 (nine years ago) link

"prose and cons": a collection of short stories written by inmates (no poems, though)

tumlbrah (dayo), Monday, 27 September 2010 03:48 (nine years ago) link

wow, this is like the thread that i need to be on all the time.

Muscus ex Craneo Humano (forksclovetofu), Monday, 27 September 2010 05:28 (nine years ago) link

I would read "Prose and Cons."

I'd at least crack it open, anyway.

Mormons come out of the sky and they stand there (Abbbottt), Monday, 27 September 2010 05:30 (nine years ago) link

ME: I wish there was a microwave that would get something FIVE MINUTE hot but in just 50 seconds...
EMILY: What?!
ME: You know, like it still did the work of the time you wanted, but in a fraction of the time - 3 MINUTES in 30 seconds....
EMILY: You mean a higher powered microwave?
ME: Yeah, I guess so.

<3 this, cos I have exactly these kind of conversations.

cathedral-sized jellyfish in your mind (Trayce), Monday, 27 September 2010 05:42 (nine years ago) link

The only one I can think of right now is "Minute Made" which was gonna be an album of songs we were only gonna allow ourselves one minute to write. Or be one minute long. I forget which now.

Gave up on that idea pretty fast.

cathedral-sized jellyfish in your mind (Trayce), Monday, 27 September 2010 05:46 (nine years ago) link

lol @ half these being "your terrible puns"

dirk funk (gr8080), Monday, 27 September 2010 05:52 (nine years ago) link

Telling my camp girlfriend "I only went out with you because girls at home don't like me"

rammer jammer jan hammer (Hurting 2), Monday, 27 September 2010 06:06 (nine years ago) link

big up camp girlfriends

dirk funk (gr8080), Monday, 27 September 2010 06:09 (nine years ago) link

Still want a microwave that gets things cold fast, like beer.

http://tinyurl.com/vrrr0000m (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 18:37 (nine years ago) link

perhaps it would be a macrowave.

http://tinyurl.com/vrrr0000m (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 18:37 (nine years ago) link

My brother has proposed such a thing so many times in life, and always follows it with an explanation of why it wouldn't work. He did it the other night on the phone. He really knows how to talk himself down from his own imagination.

fear mongrels (Abbott), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 18:38 (nine years ago) link

Seems like if you can expand molecules without, you know, setting shit on fire or boiling it, you should also be able to contract molecules without freezing them.

http://tinyurl.com/vrrr0000m (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 18:41 (nine years ago) link

http://ask.metafilter.com/162474/The-AntiKettle

caek, Tuesday, 28 September 2010 18:45 (nine years ago) link

To create a reverse microwave maybe you just have to cross some wires in the power cord so you can have the same effect as when you put your flashlight batteries the wrong way round (it shines darkness).

StanM, Tuesday, 28 September 2010 18:56 (nine years ago) link

What about when they purposefully give accident victims hypothermia so their systems shut down and they don't get infections. How come I can't do that to my beer?

http://tinyurl.com/vrrr0000m (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 19:04 (nine years ago) link

Don't they just ice 'em down?

If you want me to "get there," pay attention to my angina (WmC), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 19:05 (nine years ago) link

"Doctors cool the body a few degrees by injecting icy saline into the patient. The goal is to limit swelling, inflammation, and other spinal cord damage."

http://tinyurl.com/vrrr0000m (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 19:07 (nine years ago) link

you could probably put cold saltwater in your beer

congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 19:08 (nine years ago) link

"Hmmmm, Icy Cold Michelob Saline."

http://tinyurl.com/vrrr0000m (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 19:08 (nine years ago) link

Might be an improvement.

If you want me to "get there," pay attention to my angina (WmC), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 19:10 (nine years ago) link

maybe pre-freeze beer in a honeycomb lattice pucks, then drop those into a cup before pouring the rest of the beer in it -- it should colden up more quickly than ice cubes methinks?

Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 28 September 2010 19:11 (nine years ago) link

http://www.wholesalebarsupplies.com/images/Chiller-Group.jpg

I've seen this in bars, but they're not handy at home.

Don't like them in bars either since you're no longer getting your money's worth.

http://tinyurl.com/vrrr0000m (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 28 September 2010 19:13 (nine years ago) link

"prose and cons": a collection of short stories written by inmates (no poems, though)

― tumlbrah (dayo), Sunday, September 26, 2010 10:48 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Sorry, but I think Saturday Night Live beat you to it by a few decades (I can't watch this clip, but I think it's about Jack Abbott, the incarcerated writer Norman Mailer discovered)

EDB, Tuesday, 28 September 2010 19:14 (nine years ago) link

take the principle of this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-heating_can and replace the exothermic reaction with an endothermic reaction. would probably cost too much though. endothermic reactions involve weird reagents and dangerous products.

caek, Tuesday, 28 September 2010 19:47 (nine years ago) link

Theres a bottle shop near me that has these holes in bench that it say are for "rapid chilling" bottles of wine. I dunno how it works or how effective it is. But having one built into ones kitchen bench would be awesome.

cathedral-sized jellyfish in your mind (Trayce), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 02:25 (nine years ago) link

A stick of rock with 'BAD IDEA' written all the way through it. So when people suggest something that's a bad idea, I can say "That's such a bad idea, that if it were a stick of rock, it would have 'BAD IDEA' written all the way through it.". Then I would hand them the actual stick of rock with 'BAD IDEA' written all the way through it.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 4 October 2010 17:20 (nine years ago) link

you can get 'em with 'Blackpool' written all the way through; pretty much the same thing

acoleuthic, Monday, 4 October 2010 17:21 (nine years ago) link

haha

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 4 October 2010 17:22 (nine years ago) link

a second driving test where u get drunk beforehand -- if u pass, whatever u blew on the breathalyzer is your new legal limit

๏̯͡๏ (another al3x), Monday, 4 October 2010 19:39 (nine years ago) link

you have maybe won thread

acoleuthic, Monday, 4 October 2010 19:42 (nine years ago) link

xp: I was thinking about pretty much the same thing except substitute "cellphone conversation" for "drunk" in light of Maryland's new anti-cell phone while driving legislation.

kkvgz, Monday, 4 October 2010 19:44 (nine years ago) link

Abracadaver - a novelty funeral parlour (advertising slogan: "We make bodies disappear... Like magic!")

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 6 October 2010 19:31 (nine years ago) link

why is abracadaver in the terrible ideas thread? you should put it in the awesome ideas thread

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 6 October 2010 19:46 (nine years ago) link

xp - wouldn't that be more like a killer-for-hire business?

sarahel, Wednesday, 6 October 2010 19:49 (nine years ago) link

Or crime scene clean up?

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 6 October 2010 20:09 (nine years ago) link

yes - crime scene clean up - even better!

sarahel, Wednesday, 6 October 2010 20:11 (nine years ago) link

"You stab them, we slab them!"

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 6 October 2010 22:52 (nine years ago) link

http://www.istrianet.org/istria/visual_arts/history/images/skeleton-dancing1.gif

since this thread has taken a turn for the morbid, I propose a machine that makes dead people speak. it would mechanically stimulate/move all of the corpse's speech organs, forcing air through the vocal tract, opening and closing the larynx, and moving the tongue, lips, and jaw. everything would be computerized so that the corpse-machine could vocalize text transmitted to it remotely via laptop. the typist could get it to produce words as well as nonverbal utterances (sighs, groans, laughs, etc.), and the system would approximate the dead person's accent.

I think it would be really popular to have dead people "speak" at their own funerals, offering words of comfort like "I'm not in any pain" and "I met rover on the rainbow bridge; he says woof". if you tied the body to a chair and added some eye and head movements, the mourners might even forget for a few magical minutes that their loved one was dead.

creative people could even use the corpse-machine for performance art, having it recite the Last Rites or sing "Nearer My God to Thee" over and over until its speech organs slowly decayed, reducing its voice from a normal, lifelike tone to a ghastly, unintelligible rasp to a hollow gust of wind. the length of the performance would be determined, of course, by the quality of the embalming.

tickle me lmao (unregistered), Wednesday, 6 October 2010 23:32 (nine years ago) link

(if things got out of hand, you could always send the corpse-machine to Abracadaver for "reprogramming")

tickle me lmao (unregistered), Wednesday, 6 October 2010 23:34 (nine years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7zDebveHeM

emil.y, Wednesday, 6 October 2010 23:35 (nine years ago) link

Juzzzztiizzzz

village idiot (dog latin), Wednesday, 6 October 2010 23:36 (nine years ago) link

ok wow

tickle me lmao (unregistered), Wednesday, 6 October 2010 23:48 (nine years ago) link

since this thread has taken a turn for the morbid, I propose a machine that makes dead people speak.

Sounds really Victorian to me.

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Thursday, 7 October 2010 22:55 (nine years ago) link

delivery breakfast in bed. u drop your spare key off the day before.

is this maybe a great idea? i can't tell

another al3x, Friday, 8 October 2010 16:52 (nine years ago) link

could work for fancy people

(♥_♥) (roxymuzak), Friday, 8 October 2010 20:56 (nine years ago) link

or people with aspirations of fanciness

would have to present itself as a v fancy business, as if jeeves is every employee

(♥_♥) (roxymuzak), Friday, 8 October 2010 20:57 (nine years ago) link

noting that cigarette lighters run out of either flint or gas first, a light 'chop shop' that could then cobble together the parts to make 'new' lighters.

Of course the work involved would mean charging far more than just buying a new one.

also

a charitable organisation that provided vuvuzelas for underprivileged street children

15-60-77 (S-), Saturday, 9 October 2010 01:49 (nine years ago) link

a interior design firm that only decorates your home with giant S's decked out in gold and lame and other expensive things, the firm is called "large S"

dayo, Saturday, 9 October 2010 07:08 (nine years ago) link

wait largesse doesn't mean what I thought it means :(

dayo, Saturday, 9 October 2010 07:08 (nine years ago) link

Sometimes it's pronounced "large-ease", so maybe you need to switch to giant E's instead.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 9 October 2010 09:13 (nine years ago) link

Instead of offering a palate cleanser between courses, chefs could offer a palate confuser, something that tastes so bizarre and terrible that the next course will always taste better by comparison.

The Ten Things I Hate About Commandments (Abbbottt), Friday, 15 October 2010 04:55 (nine years ago) link

feel like people have used that strategy with me in relationships

Brick Frog! (forksclovetofu), Friday, 15 October 2010 05:08 (nine years ago) link

When I was in middle school we actually had a b&w xerox machine in the house and I devised a plan to xerox playboys and sell them at school. I did market research by asking around how much people would pay but I never followed through.

buju_stanton (Hurting 2), Friday, 15 October 2010 05:21 (nine years ago) link

Reminds me of a much terribler idea- hiding a porn mag by burying it.

ಠ_ಠ (bnw), Friday, 15 October 2010 06:04 (nine years ago) link

in a simpler, non-internet time: i hand copied all the moves lists/fatalities/animalities/etc for each of the MK II and III arcade games onto notebook paper, copied them into little booklets and tried to sell them as "strategy guides" at the mall. I think i sold two and covered my xerox fees.

Brick Frog! (forksclovetofu), Friday, 15 October 2010 14:48 (nine years ago) link

Aw, that's awesome! One time my six-year-old brother sold me a list of Warcraft 2 cheat codes that he'd hand copied from the internet. Really bad little kid penmanship with none of them written correctly, like "who your daddy." Well worth the $1 I paid because it is the cutest thing ever.

The Ten Things I Hate About Commandments (Abbbottt), Friday, 15 October 2010 15:57 (nine years ago) link

what did those do?

ಠ_ಠ (bnw), Friday, 15 October 2010 16:03 (nine years ago) link

Man, I don't even remember.

The Ten Things I Hate About Commandments (Abbbottt), Friday, 15 October 2010 16:05 (nine years ago) link

- badgering Marc Alm0nd into recording an album with me to be titled 'The Quaker & The Satanist'. Advertising strapline would be: 'One of these people won't remove his hat in front of a judge, swear an oath to tell the truth in court, or accept the Bible as the final word of God. The other is a Satanist.'. (note: have never actually been a Quaker - too much effort...)

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Friday, 15 October 2010 17:55 (nine years ago) link

Instead of offering a palate cleanser between courses, chefs could offer a palate confuser, something that tastes so bizarre and terrible that the next course will always taste better by comparison.

― The Ten Things I Hate About Commandments (Abbbottt), Friday, October 15, 2010 12:55 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

I just sorta did this now - alternated bites of sardines with bites of raw garlic. luckily I live alone, and have no significant other.

dayo, Saturday, 16 October 2010 09:23 (nine years ago) link

i just had an idea for a shirt design. its a white polo with thin red stripes about an inch apart and about 1/4 inch thick. in the middle of the torso, the white, unlined parts will be filled in in the following order, from top to bottom: yellow, green and red (in one, half and half), brown, and then yellow again, forming an abstract burger in the center of the shirt

(♥_♥) (roxymuzak), Sunday, 17 October 2010 03:04 (nine years ago) link

^^^ that actually sounds pretty awesome

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Sunday, 17 October 2010 08:59 (nine years ago) link

yeah im coming around to it tbh

(♥_♥) (roxymuzak), Monday, 18 October 2010 00:32 (nine years ago) link

yeah i would wear that shirt

truly blunted rhyme fiend (J0rdan S.), Monday, 18 October 2010 00:33 (nine years ago) link

get tiarnan on it asap

acoleuthic, Monday, 18 October 2010 00:45 (nine years ago) link

idea for prank. hire gallagher and carrot top and jerry lewis to patronize store where friend works, one after the other, about five minutes apart. gallagher pees in the back of the store and verbally abuses friend, calling them a shitbag, etc... carrot top spills coffee everywhere. jerry lewis would be talking in his goofy manchild voice and generally acting manic.

dude (del), Monday, 18 October 2010 02:27 (nine years ago) link

wow!

also, have taken to repeating 'palate confuser!' to the tune of sonic reducer in my head. :/

dayo, Tuesday, 19 October 2010 00:52 (nine years ago) link

a t-shirt that says "DAFT JUNK (arrow pointing down)"

dayo, Thursday, 21 October 2010 23:15 (nine years ago) link

haha is it written in rainbow molten silver font

(♥_♥) (roxymuzak), Friday, 22 October 2010 00:18 (nine years ago) link

haha yes ^_^

dayo, Friday, 22 October 2010 00:21 (nine years ago) link

You know that fake glass made of sugar that they make slapstick windows out of, for movies? My terrible idea is you could make spoons out of it. Then you break the spoons and use the wee crystals to torch atop a creme brulee. Then you give them another one of the spoons to eat it with, so they are breaking their broken sugar spoons with another sugar spoon. That's really a terrible idea.

17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Friday, 22 October 2010 00:24 (nine years ago) link

I have typed that out a couple times in the past few days & deleted it every time/

17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Friday, 22 October 2010 00:24 (nine years ago) link

A three-lidded toilet seat aimed at the luxury commodities market. "Still using two lids? Now feel the awesome power of THREE! Triple PROTECTION, Triple COMFORT - Be the envy of anyone who comes round and uses the lav! More interesting arguments with your spouse about bathroom etiquette! Buy! Buy! Buy!" or something

village idiot (dog latin), Friday, 22 October 2010 09:40 (nine years ago) link

Deciding age 18 that I wasn't good enough to be a computer programmer.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 23 October 2010 07:56 (nine years ago) link

I just came up with an idea for a shot at the bar: TUACA FLOCKA FLAME

It is a shot of Tuaca with 151 so it can be set on fire.

BITCH I'M DRUNK
BITCH I'M DRUNK

borad.crutial.org (crüt), Saturday, 23 October 2010 22:06 (nine years ago) link

Chill the Tuaca and float the 151 on top with a spoon? Not sure if the difference in specific gravity is enough though.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 23 October 2010 22:09 (nine years ago) link

not a bad idea afaict

(♥_♥) (roxymuzak), Saturday, 23 October 2010 22:10 (nine years ago) link

Seems a pretty good idea provided that not too many are drunk in one sitting.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 23 October 2010 22:12 (nine years ago) link

you should have this drink with guest artist OJ Da Juiceman

borad.crutial.org (crüt), Saturday, 23 October 2010 22:14 (nine years ago) link

"The Boy in Mayor McCheese"

Kim, Saturday, 23 October 2010 22:41 (nine years ago) link

I had the terrible idea today of getting a little line or something tattooed on my foot. The line would be where toe decreases start on a knitted sock, so I could try on a partially made sock and see if it was long enough to reach the tattoo: if it was, I'd know to start making the toe decreases. This is a terrible idea.

Years ago when I learned CPR I had a similar idea. They told us if you didn't apply CPR to the right area of a person's ribcage, you could generally fuck up and/or kill the person. SO the idea was to get a tattoo of a dotted rectangle and label it ACCEPTABLE CPR AREA.

17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Monday, 25 October 2010 16:53 (nine years ago) link

i think those are both great ideas.

Ooh, I especially like that second idea. It'd also be nice to put a little "please donate my organs to those who need them, as I have repeatedly requested" instruction on there, because I'm always nervous that my intentions won't be clear due to the smudges on the back of my drivers license.

Z S, Monday, 25 October 2010 17:37 (nine years ago) link

I once read a sci-fi book where people had their medical details tattooed on their bodies in ultraviolet ink.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 25 October 2010 17:41 (nine years ago) link

yeah, pretty good idea imo. i would put a little asterisk where the decreases start

(♥_♥) (roxymuzak), Monday, 25 October 2010 17:46 (nine years ago) link

You know that fake glass made of sugar that they make slapstick windows out of, for movies? My terrible idea is you could make spoons out of it. Then you break the spoons and use the wee crystals to torch atop a creme brulee. Then you give them another one of the spoons to eat it with, so they are breaking their broken sugar spoons with another sugar spoon. That's really a terrible idea.

― 17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Friday, October 22, 2010 12:24 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark

i love this idea

third sock from the sun (latebloomer), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 06:10 (nine years ago) link

me and my friend tonight devised this plan

1) we will both learn french
2) we will learn to ragga toast in french
3) in our respective cities, me in dc and he in austin, we will become scene-birthing visionaries with rapidly growing fan bases and we will make French Toasting de rigeur on all the blogs
4) we will combine our powers and put out the nationwide scene-uniting album of the year: FUCKIN' BREAKFAST

we determined that the entire last year and a half of my life was all designed to get me to TONIGHT, the night we invented the idea that would change both our lives forever

zorn_bond.mp3, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 08:41 (nine years ago) link

<3

creatively bankrupt ILXors whose display names are just '00s ephemera (crüt), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 08:44 (nine years ago) link

oh also we've decided my punk rock name is Justin Comprehensible

zorn_bond.mp3, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 08:45 (nine years ago) link

heir to justin sane

dayo, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 09:51 (nine years ago) link

yeah him and i met a dude at a show named Justin D3nt the other night

i was like "you're an english major, aren't you"

zorn_bond.mp3, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 09:53 (nine years ago) link

You know that fake glass made of sugar that they make slapstick windows out of, for movies? My terrible idea is you could make spoons out of it. Then you break the spoons and use the wee crystals to torch atop a creme brulee. Then you give them another one of the spoons to eat it with, so they are breaking their broken sugar spoons with another sugar spoon. That's really a terrible idea.

― 17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Friday, October 22, 2010 12:24 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark

i love this idea

― third sock from the sun (latebloomer), Tuesday, October 26, 2010 1:10 AM Bookmark

It's very much in the tradition of the bowl in a taco salad being a taco shell, meaning you can consume your meal without any waste (use your sleeve for a napkin.)

I also like it because it sounds like something John Amos' character in Die Hard 2 would've come up with had he been a chef and not a **SPOILER** terrorist turncoat welding a mean icicle.

http://tinyurl.com/beaaarrr (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 14:19 (nine years ago) link

hey zorn and dayo -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Polaco

progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 14:29 (nine years ago) link

i want to start a business routing people's home electronics cables for them. we would be the cable tidy experts. we show up, spend an hour, and charge you like $400. plus parts.

progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 14:30 (nine years ago) link

Also:

SHOWER CURTAIN IDEAS, PATENTS PENDINGS

* Shower curtain smells like strawberries or roses or THE OCEAN whenever water hits it.

* Shower curtain glows in the dark.

* Shower curtain works like old Hypercolor shirts, changing color when wet or touched. Play on it like those new Microsoft touchscreens.

* Shower curtain with waterproof iPod pocket. (Waterproof hairnet sold separately.)

* Shower curtain with girls (or guys) that take their tops off when it gets warm, like novelty inkpens and shot glasses.

― Pleasant Plains, Monday, August 20, 2007 4:37 PM Bookmark

http://tinyurl.com/beaaarrr (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 14:38 (nine years ago) link

The glow-in-the-dark shower curtain is a substitute for a night light. It saves up daylight and lamplight all day long, and then at three in the morning when you go take a pee, you've got a 48 sq. ft NIGHTLIGHT guiding you to the can.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, December 19, 2005 12:23 PM Bookmark

http://tinyurl.com/beaaarrr (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 14:39 (nine years ago) link

those new Microsoft touchscreens.

http://tinyurl.com/beaaarrr (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 14:39 (nine years ago) link

Them fancy new muh puh three players.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 14:41 (nine years ago) link

I used to know someone who broke a Hypercolor T-shirt by placing a myg of coffee on top of it.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 14:43 (nine years ago) link

I saw a guy once who actually had one of those equalizer shirts that had real-time LED lightup bars that changed depending on the music

dayo, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 14:48 (nine years ago) link

two-in-one breast pump / vacuum sealer

my punk name is Bert Defect

S Beez Wit the Remedy (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 18:08 (nine years ago) link

The glow-in-the-dark shower curtain is a substitute for a night light. It saves up daylight and lamplight all day long, and then at three in the morning when you go take a pee, you've got a 48 sq. ft NIGHTLIGHT guiding you to the can.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, December 19, 2005 12:23 PM

that's a clever idea, PP, but I fear that in my half-awake state I'd mistake your invention for the door of a SPACESHIP, and by the time I climbed aboard and turned the "liftoff" knob, I'd've sealed my fate as the poor schmuck who drowned in his dimly-lit shower at three o'clock in the morning. no one would know my true story, my story of taking a wrong turn while en route to Planet Bumshaq-3, whereupon I passed through a wormhole and crash-landed on a white dwarf star which turned out to be populated by all my dead relatives (& also turned out to be God).

I've had this problem before with regular shower curtains, but, y'know, the glowy nightlight shit just makes it that much more embarassing.

shart for shart's sake (unregistered), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 19:14 (nine years ago) link

^^^ that was actually the original script for Star Trek V...

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 19:16 (nine years ago) link

an extra strength version of tums called 'ultima-tums'

dayo, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 01:04 (nine years ago) link

hahaha

Z S, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 01:04 (nine years ago) link

kudos

some droopy HOOS in makeup (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 01:08 (nine years ago) link

I once made flyers for my relatively non-threatening-sounding alt country band using disturbing childrens drawings I had found on a website about children of divorce. They were all kind of in poor taste, but one of them was this incredibly creepy drawing of a house, where, in the yard stood a single tree with a noose hanging from it and an empty chair beneath.

your favorite homoerotic savior imagery (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 01:30 (nine years ago) link

I was going to start calling people bub one time but I didn't

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 01:37 (nine years ago) link

yesterday I renamed my cat webinar

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 01:38 (nine years ago) link

that is an amazing idea

some droopy HOOS in makeup (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 01:38 (nine years ago) link

WHOEVER PUT FAKE COCKROACHES AROUND THE HALLWAYS OF AN ACTUALLY INFESTED BUILDING AS HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS HAD A "TERRIBLE IDEA"

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 01:39 (nine years ago) link

BIG WORDS: massive novelty book versions of short stories with one or three word per page that you can give to the BIG READER in your life to use as a doorstop/conversation piece

a pun based on a popular ilx meme (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 01:44 (nine years ago) link

^ new (impending) governor of wisconsin beat you to it

http://www.alan.com/2010/09/20/normal-font/

del griffith, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 02:54 (nine years ago) link

truth = stranger than my terrible ideas

a pun based on a popular ilx meme (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 04:55 (nine years ago) link

a website/personal services company called "Back to the Future" that samples your DNA and provides realistic images of what your butt will look like over your projected lifespan.

sarahel, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 05:22 (nine years ago) link

it would also recommend exercises and lifestyle changes in a personalized color results brochure entitled "(person's name)'s future butt"

sarahel, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 05:24 (nine years ago) link

My brain already does that perfectly. I don't feel I need this website's service.

17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 14:44 (nine years ago) link

What would really be more interesting/terrifying is the varicose vision I have for the future of my legs. I don't know what you'd call that service, though. "The Thighland of Dr. Moreau"?

17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 14:45 (nine years ago) link

Yes, but does your brain have a mobile app version?

Wait, new idea - a mobile app version…of your BRAIN!

Z S, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 14:46 (nine years ago) link

It only makes evil thoughts and terrible ideas. So, $3.99.

17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 14:47 (nine years ago) link

Yeah, I dunno, my current brain already produces evil thoughts and terrible ideas, so $3.99 is a little steep. However, my current brain can't invert colors at the touch of a screen (yet)

Z S, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 14:49 (nine years ago) link

48 sq ft?!?!?!

pp most of your shower curtain ideas are great imo

i want to start a business routing people's home electronics cables for them. we would be the cable tidy experts. we show up, spend an hour, and charge you like $400. plus parts.

― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, October 26, 2010 10:30 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark

yes, but what is it CALLED

(♥_♥) (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:02 (nine years ago) link

CORD LORD!

Independent contractor Who manages a Road Show exclusive to Sams Club. (Nijoli), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:06 (nine years ago) link

bored? cord lord gets your hoards of stored cords on board

(♥_♥) (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:09 (nine years ago) link

^slogan suggestion

(♥_♥) (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:09 (nine years ago) link

Jingle concept:

(sadly)
Oh, Lord! These cords!
I wish I could afford
a solutions for my cords.

(more spirited and upbeat)
Call the Cord Lord!
Cord Lord. Oh, sure.

Independent contractor Who manages a Road Show exclusive to Sams Club. (Nijoli), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:12 (nine years ago) link

(admittedly not my best work)

Independent contractor Who manages a Road Show exclusive to Sams Club. (Nijoli), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:13 (nine years ago) link

would they sell corduroy?

congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:15 (nine years ago) link

It's only four hundred an hour!
You're gonna *cymbal crash* tidy up your cords with so much power!
*cymbal* cord lord! Cord lord, cord lord (x6)
Cord lord, whoa-o-o-yeah! So much power-o-whoa-yeah!!
And for just four hundred an hour!!!
For only *cymbal* 16 to 50 hours of work at your awful job
You can pay us to fix up your cords!
And don't forget the *cymbal* tip-a-whoa-yeah!!
*cymbal* cord lord! Cord lord, cord lord (x6)

I know that doesn't read very well, but the syncopation I'm imagining is mindblowing

Z S, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:33 (nine years ago) link

yeah gonna go with nijoli's on this one tbh

(♥_♥) (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:36 (nine years ago) link

simplicity is important in a jingle

Independent contractor Who manages a Road Show exclusive to Sams Club. (Nijoli), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:38 (nine years ago) link

I feel like the exuberance of my jingle isn't coming through? Maybe I should add more exclamations?

Z S, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:39 (nine years ago) link

it's the name itself that's problematic, tbh. You know that the kids are gonna call it the cum lord

Z S, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:42 (nine years ago) link

48 sq ft?!?!?!

8' x 6' ? I'm really bad at guesstimating size.

http://tinyurl.com/beaaarrr (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:46 (nine years ago) link

i'm hearing it zs, it's like a rock band in my head and everyone's invited

a pun based on a popular ilx meme (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:50 (nine years ago) link

I'm going to set up a rival firm called Cable Mable, staffed entirely by elderly women.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 15:55 (nine years ago) link

ZS - it's a gospel rave-up, isn't it?

sarahel, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 17:40 (nine years ago) link

It's an innovative marketing strategy where the jingle is recorded in hundreds of different styles and then microtargeted to each consumer. For example, Geir's jingle is like 70s genesis, whereas Hi Dere's version is sung by Fever Ray and comes with a video animated by Max.

Z S, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 19:46 (nine years ago) link

My version is composed solely of fartz samples

Z S, Wednesday, 27 October 2010 19:47 (nine years ago) link

FYI I have the window open and I just laughed so raucously catching up on this thread that someone outside made sarcastic fake-laughter noises back

think I may now be taken away

what is he like? the guy's a juggalo, man (a passing spacecadet), Wednesday, 27 October 2010 20:02 (nine years ago) link

One of those long drain unblocking spring gadgets, except this one has a video camera in the end, and a button on the handle so that you could upload videos of you unblocking your drain direct to YouTube.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Sunday, 31 October 2010 09:01 (nine years ago) link

What you mean like this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyRk-Lt9E3E

Sunn O))) Sundae Smile (Trayce), Sunday, 31 October 2010 10:14 (nine years ago) link

Yeah but aimed at the general public. People could say things like "hey I saw your shit on YouTube".

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Sunday, 31 October 2010 11:45 (nine years ago) link

a tv show about a boy and his pet calculator called "cal, c u l8er"

dayo, Monday, 1 November 2010 15:38 (nine years ago) link

again, this belongs on "awesome ideas" thread. or is "terrible" internet slang for "awesome" now?

Philip Nunez, Monday, 1 November 2010 16:12 (nine years ago) link

An update of Karel Fialka's 'Hey Matthew', except featuring Jedward instead of Matthew, and titled 'Hey Jedward'.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 2 November 2010 17:20 (nine years ago) link

Ayovember.

Oh wait, that terrible idea isn't mine. Sorry, my bad!!

Introducing the Hardline According to King Boy Pato (King Boy Pato), Wednesday, 3 November 2010 11:53 (nine years ago) link

oh ya wasn't it "terrible" when KBP got his antipodean ass banned from 1p3 at the peak of the festivities? excuse me while I break out the Systane and cry a puddle of chemically-augmented tears in Mr. P@terson's honor.

lonely is as lonely does, lonely is an eeyore (unregistered), Wednesday, 3 November 2010 13:40 (nine years ago) link

Dodecahedron December. We talk about nothing but dodecahedrons for an entire month. ESPECIALLY on Christmas

Z S, Wednesday, 3 November 2010 21:54 (nine years ago) link

It makes perfect sense, it's the 12th month of the year!

17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 3 November 2010 23:43 (nine years ago) link

I could make a stellated dodecahedron Dodecahedron December Tree topper, too.

http://www.knittingdaily.com/cfs-file.ashx/__key/CommunityServer.Blogs.Components.WeblogFiles/tuned_5F00_in/4885.204_5F00_2-Celestine-by-Norah-Gaughan.jpg

17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 3 November 2010 23:45 (nine years ago) link

"On the 12th Day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me...
12 stellated dodecahedrons"

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 3 November 2010 23:47 (nine years ago) link

This thread is going to be responsible for me making a stellated dodecahedron. I have to do December right.

17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 3 November 2010 23:54 (nine years ago) link

shit, how do you make one? is there a template online somewhere?

Z S, Thursday, 4 November 2010 00:01 (nine years ago) link

write a concept album, triple lp, about the history of texas, from cabeza de vaca's explorations up through rick perry

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 4 November 2010 00:04 (nine years ago) link

ZS, if you knit, here are some instructions. Otherwise, I am of little help.

17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Thursday, 4 November 2010 00:07 (nine years ago) link

thanks for the link, but no, I don't knit...I would probably be awful at knitting, as I can barely even iron my shirt without fucking up big time. Origami, though...if there was a origami dodecahedron I bet I could sorta make it!

Z S, Thursday, 4 November 2010 00:14 (nine years ago) link

I feel like an idiot, but I can't really figure out how to do it (I haven't printed it yet, but I can't figure out what "cut the lines between the long and the short sides of the triangle" means)

*FACEPALM*

Z S, Thursday, 4 November 2010 00:33 (nine years ago) link

keep saying "GREAT STELLATED DODECAHEDRON!" in perry white voice
girlfriend not finding this amusing

a pun based on a popular ilx meme (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 4 November 2010 01:14 (nine years ago) link

Abbott is!

17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Thursday, 4 November 2010 01:19 (nine years ago) link

somehow I get the feeling that the girlfriend will not find that amusing, either!

Z S, Thursday, 4 November 2010 01:23 (nine years ago) link

While the gf and I were dining along the NJ Turnpike this evening at an especially crowded rest stop, I realized that there's a critical point at which rest stop efficiency starts to drop off especially drastically. There are a limited number of parking lot spaces, and the place also only has so much capacity to serve people (and for people to use the bathroom) without long lines forming. But around when the parking lot reaches capacity or overcapacity, the facilities inside also do.

What happens at this point is that the average time spent inside the rest stop grows considerably (from waiting in line for both food and the bathroom), meaning the average amount of time spent in the parking lot also increases, which further compounds the delays for all those people still waiting for a space.

[ Hurting ]'s Curve, we dubbed it.

The only thing mitigating this potential catastrophe, we realized, is that some families, feeling that their stay has already been too long due to waits for parking, food, and restrooms, may choose to eat their food in the car.

However, if the family merely eats their food in the car in the parking lot, they're not really saving anyone any time. So we propose that each family have a "designated driver," as it were, in these peak times, who will not eat, but drive while everyone else eats.

In order to encourage this efficient behavior, we have devised a slogan to be posted in rest stops:

"If [ Hurting ]'s Curve is in effect, don't eat and drive, and don't eat, drive, but don't not eat and not drive(the last part meaning that if you are not the designated driver, you should eat now, because you may need to be the designated driver at the next rest stop). However, if you're under driving age, you might as well eat while you're driving, because you're not supposed to be driving anyway.

― Abbadabba Berman (Hurting), Saturday, November 26, 2005 9:07 PM Bookmark

fwiw I don't think my then gf now wife would want any credit for contributing to this unless you consider rolling your eyes a contribution

Kinect: The Body Is Good Business™ (Hurting 2), Thursday, 4 November 2010 01:25 (nine years ago) link

loooooooool

Z S, Thursday, 4 November 2010 01:27 (nine years ago) link

http://i56.tinypic.com/2wfsa3s.gif

Kerm, Thursday, 4 November 2010 01:28 (nine years ago) link

xpost
hey, when jerry democracy invented democracy everyone thought he was crazy too!

Z S, Thursday, 4 November 2010 01:28 (nine years ago) link

what if they applied congestion pricing to these rest stops? Like, once Hurting's curve is reached, the food costs incrementally more.

sarahel, Thursday, 4 November 2010 01:29 (nine years ago) link

xpost to Kerm

OOOOOOOOOOOH. thank you! that's above and beyond the call of duty!

Z S, Thursday, 4 November 2010 01:29 (nine years ago) link

I was *this* close to animating a pair of scissors into it just because.

Kerm, Thursday, 4 November 2010 01:31 (nine years ago) link

The thing is the more I think about it I don't even think that's a curve, it's just like a linear increase in wait time.

Kinect: The Body Is Good Business™ (Hurting 2), Thursday, 4 November 2010 01:54 (nine years ago) link

nope, because according to the Hurting's Curve Theorem the waiting time in the bathroom compounds the crowdedness of the parking lot, so the wait time should grow curvilinearly.

Z S, Thursday, 4 November 2010 01:59 (nine years ago) link

plus you have all the guys with shy bladders who take longer to pee when the restroom is crowded, exacerbating wait times.

then again you've yet to factor in the "ah, fuck it" feedback mechanism.

Kerm, Thursday, 4 November 2010 02:09 (nine years ago) link

what if they applied congestion pricing to these rest stops? Like, once Hurting's curve is reached, the food costs incrementally more.

There's a terrible idea in here somewhere relating a large flat-screen weight-sensitive digital sign advertising a variable price hanging over a buffet table.

http://tinyurl.com/koalalala (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 4 November 2010 03:20 (nine years ago) link

heart-congestion pricing

Kinect: The Body Is Good Business™ (Hurting 2), Thursday, 4 November 2010 03:20 (nine years ago) link

oh you meant the weight of the food

Kinect: The Body Is Good Business™ (Hurting 2), Thursday, 4 November 2010 03:21 (nine years ago) link

I was actually thinking of sensors in the seats, but the food thing might make more sense. Or less.

http://tinyurl.com/koalalala (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 4 November 2010 03:35 (nine years ago) link

oh, so we WERE on the level then

Kinect: The Body Is Good Business™ (Hurting 2), Thursday, 4 November 2010 03:37 (nine years ago) link

what if they applied congestion pricing to these rest stops? Like, once Hurting's curve is reached, the food costs incrementally more.

There's a terrible idea in here somewhere relating a large flat-screen weight-sensitive digital sign advertising a variable price hanging over a buffet table.

http://tinyurl.com/koalalala (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, November 4, 2010 11:20 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

a simpler terrible idea would be to just hang flatscreens at each table displaying pictures of food photoshopped to look really succulent. of course it couldn't be at a buffet since the idea is to make people eat less at a buffet not more.

dayo, Thursday, 4 November 2010 04:23 (nine years ago) link

Terrible idea based on a terrible idea: congestion pricing for rest stop rest rooms. The more solid your waste, the more you pay. There could even be TV commercials:

Ticket to ride, shite line highway
Tell all your friends, they can go my way
Pay your toll, sell your soul
Pound for pound costs more than gold
The longer you stay, the more you pay
My shite lines go a long way
Either up your nose or through your vein
With nothing to gain except killin’ your brain

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Friday, 5 November 2010 08:37 (nine years ago) link

With nothing to gain except killin’ your brain and it's killin’ the drain

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Friday, 5 November 2010 08:55 (nine years ago) link

That Jay-Z should do a couplet along the lines of:

Beyonce is my fiance
but business is my mistress

Kinect: The Body Is Good Business™ (Hurting 2), Monday, 8 November 2010 17:43 (nine years ago) link

or "mad about hugh" - paul reiser has a layabout brother, hugh, who's always forgetting to take out the trash

― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Monday, November 8, 2010 5:39 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Monday, 8 November 2010 17:43 (nine years ago) link

PAUL REISER is about the closest this thread comes to proposing a genuinely terrible idea but 'mad about hugh' is still awesome.

Philip Nunez, Monday, 8 November 2010 17:48 (nine years ago) link

87-88 style Bay Area thrash band....with horn section

a tv show called MAID MEN about former mafia bigshots fallen on hard times who need to work as domestic helpers

dayo, Tuesday, 9 November 2010 01:13 (nine years ago) link

it's funny cuz it's true

Adrian Roosevelt "Adie" Mike (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 9 November 2010 01:14 (nine years ago) link

1. An adaptation of Blood Meridian scored by Def Leppard

i'm having trouble with the premise of this thread as the original post is one of the greatest ideas i've ever heard of

Daniel, Esq., Tuesday, 9 November 2010 01:15 (nine years ago) link

I can kind of hear the theme song in my head:

"Blood muhRIIIIIdian
muhRIIIIIIDian
There's so much blood on the meridiAN!"

Kinect: The Body Is Good Business™ (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 9 November 2010 02:52 (nine years ago) link

a whole thread of bad idea Jay z lyrics sounds promising

a pun based on a popular ilx meme (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 9 November 2010 04:47 (nine years ago) link

bong and olufsen: upmarket head shop

dayo, Tuesday, 9 November 2010 06:36 (nine years ago) link

^^^^^ this motherfuckeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer

HOOS tremendo...steen ridically (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 9 November 2010 07:17 (nine years ago) link

that is one of the best ideas

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 9 November 2010 07:17 (nine years ago) link

I'm surprised that no-one seems to have thought of this already, but a quick Internet search didn't turn up anything: a bar band called The Tijuana Bible Thumpers.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Thursday, 11 November 2010 11:59 (nine years ago) link

Write an encyclopedic tome about the history of "Babyjet", a series of failed films which never actually existed.

village idiot (dog latin), Thursday, 11 November 2010 12:17 (nine years ago) link

Not a bad idea - Borges pretty much made a career out of it!

Z S, Thursday, 11 November 2010 14:47 (nine years ago) link

I feel like we need to refocus this thread on unambiguously bad ideas. The problem is that it seems like one trait of a really bad idea is that it must be boring (because if it's exciting or interesting then it's not really a "bad" idea to at least some people). And coming up with boring ideas runs against the appeal of sharing things in a thread with each other. So we'd just have to list things like "clean the bathtub with cleaner that isn't as good as another cleaner that you could have used", or "leave one of the clocks off by an hour during daylight savings time", or something. I guess this post was a bad idea.

Z S, Thursday, 11 November 2010 14:52 (nine years ago) link

GIS for terrible idea is actually pretty wonderful.

http://tinyurl.com/koalalala (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 11 November 2010 15:08 (nine years ago) link

A bar called "The Thirteenth Step"

I'm sure Ebay has some wicked pog collections (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 11 November 2010 15:22 (nine years ago) link

maybe these ideas are secretly so bad they're good.

I love you girls but that music is for radical faeries (Matt P), Thursday, 11 November 2010 15:34 (nine years ago) link

unlike the movies in that "kill yourself" movie thread, which are supposed to be not good, even though you expected them to be bad, but you thought they'd be fun anyway, but they weren't.

I love you girls but that music is for radical faeries (Matt P), Thursday, 11 November 2010 15:36 (nine years ago) link

FUCK somebody already did the 13th step! and it's in NY!
http://www.nycbestbar.com/13thstep/

I'm sure Ebay has some wicked pog collections (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 11 November 2010 15:39 (nine years ago) link

a terrible idea:

french fries (most likely of the steak fry variety) are served standing up in a short bowl-type vessel with an inch of your favorite dipping sauce in the bottom. this eliminates the need to dip into a sauce. i think it would have to be a teak fry so it was sturdy and crispy and the outside to eliminate sog.

Independent contractor Who manages a Road Show exclusive to Sams Club. (Nijoli), Thursday, 11 November 2010 17:20 (nine years ago) link

steak not teak

Independent contractor Who manages a Road Show exclusive to Sams Club. (Nijoli), Thursday, 11 November 2010 17:20 (nine years ago) link

see, the terrible version of that idea is that the fries are served upside-down, with the dipping bowl on top, so it spill all over the table.

Z S, Thursday, 11 November 2010 17:24 (nine years ago) link

lord, help

Independent contractor Who manages a Road Show exclusive to Sams Club. (Nijoli), Thursday, 11 November 2010 17:25 (nine years ago) link

Fries made from teak wood so that they don't go soggy when they're sitting in dipping sauce?

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Thursday, 11 November 2010 18:32 (nine years ago) link

man I don't know if this qualifies after Z S's soul searching comment, but:

a smaller camera that you can attach to the flash shoe of your big, professional camera. so while you're taking a picture, you can take a smaller picture. plus, people won't know which camera to look at, so you might catch them either looking up out of the frame or down out of the frame.

swagl (dayo), Thursday, 11 November 2010 23:31 (nine years ago) link

so while you're taking a picture, you can take a smaller picture

i don't know why but this is hard lolz

xtc ep, etc (xp) (ledge), Thursday, 11 November 2010 23:36 (nine years ago) link

anything + gun seems like a good candidate:
http://8.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kpwimzqJ3E1qz50ylo1_400.jpg

Philip Nunez, Thursday, 11 November 2010 23:59 (nine years ago) link

How about a camera that looks like a gun?

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Friday, 12 November 2010 11:31 (nine years ago) link

Gun camera business that sells candid pictures to tourists trying to figure out how to buy tickets for the metro

Z S, Friday, 12 November 2010 12:57 (nine years ago) link

http://www.moviemobsters.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/clint-eastwood.jpg
"I know what you're thinking. 'Did he take six shots or only five?' And in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But the question you're got to ask yourself is 'do I add his photoblog to my RSS reader?'"

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Friday, 12 November 2010 13:00 (nine years ago) link

http://www.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Stop-Or-My-Mom-Will-Shoot-500x281.jpg
"Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot (and then upload ur pic to her Facebook page after adding a load of Blingee shit)"

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Friday, 12 November 2010 13:06 (nine years ago) link

Throw momma off the train - the musical

Z S, Friday, 12 November 2010 13:19 (nine years ago) link

Gun that looks like a camera would be hours of fun. Or...wait I think I got that the wrong way round...

The Great Cool Lulu who sleeps in Riley... (dog latin), Friday, 12 November 2010 13:51 (nine years ago) link

kanye west cover rapper called kanye east - he's asian, and only tours in asia. in fact, I could be kanye east.

swagl (dayo), Saturday, 13 November 2010 06:48 (nine years ago) link

kanye north by northwest - kanye cover rapper who does an entire set while pursued by a cropduster

sarahel, Saturday, 13 November 2010 07:58 (nine years ago) link

i had a similar idea a couple years ago: kanye south, a caricatured rapper appealing to crowds at live-action, "hee haw"-type shows popular in touristy areas of the southeast

(♥_♥) http://i46.tinypic.com/monk6.jpg (roxymuzak), Monday, 15 November 2010 00:29 (nine years ago) link

kanye north, rapping to polar bears

dayo, Monday, 15 November 2010 00:30 (nine years ago) link

sumtimes: a mathematics course for children that only teaches addition and multiplication

dayo, Monday, 15 November 2010 02:51 (nine years ago) link

kanye north by northwest - kanye cover rapper who does an entire set while pursued by a cropduster

― sarahel, Saturday, 13 November 2010 07:58 (2 days ago)

i love this

glengarry glenn danzig (latebloomer), Monday, 15 November 2010 06:42 (nine years ago) link

wasari peas: a service that delivers a packet of wasabi peas to a loved one you have offended, along with a note imploring their forgiveness. the TV/radio theme song would go, "wasari/ oh so sorry/ peas accept my apology."

lonely is as lonely does, lonely is an eeyore (unregistered), Wednesday, 17 November 2010 13:26 (nine years ago) link

MOP JUICE

http://i54.tinypic.com/dcd7qe.jpg

fill used Pom juice bottles (like the above) with floor cleaner & label them "M♥P".

http://i51.tinypic.com/2qiws2r.jpg

worse yet, put a giant Pom juice bottle on wheels, label it "M♥P", and use it as a mop bucket (like the above) at grocery stores, restaurants, and the like. to complete the illusion, you could even decorate the individual strands ofthe mop head with maroon beads that resembled pomegranate seeds.

lonely is as lonely does, lonely is an eeyore (unregistered), Wednesday, 17 November 2010 13:39 (nine years ago) link

Porn Juice, sold in
Pom Juice bottles, containing the juices of your favorite adult film stars

T-Rex's erotic imagination (Z S), Wednesday, 17 November 2010 13:54 (nine years ago) link

ewwwwwww

lonely is as lonely does, lonely is an eeyore (unregistered), Wednesday, 17 November 2010 13:58 (nine years ago) link

(in retrospect, GIS-ing "porn juice" really was a terrible idea!)

lonely is as lonely does, lonely is an eeyore (unregistered), Wednesday, 17 November 2010 13:59 (nine years ago) link

Thought of Pom Juice label designer while frantically going through font after font to find one thar doesn't make "Pom Juice" look like "Porn Juice":

"Pom Juice? What a terrible idea"

T-Rex's erotic imagination (Z S), Wednesday, 17 November 2010 15:52 (nine years ago) link

yes it is! xp

although I did spy a tasty looking avocado sandwich

_| ̄|○| ̄|○| ̄|○ (dayo), Wednesday, 17 November 2010 15:54 (nine years ago) link

That wasn't an avocado

T-Rex's erotic imagination (Z S), Wednesday, 17 November 2010 17:00 (nine years ago) link

Mash*Out*Pomme

forksclovetofu, Wednesday, 17 November 2010 22:16 (nine years ago) link

ricky tikki tavi - entrylev 'comedian' and pint-sized bloggah tour provincial indian restaurants

nakhchivan, Thursday, 18 November 2010 00:59 (nine years ago) link

haha you had the idea for a blogger??? like r u gonna scout this person out or become them iyo

867-5309 (abdul) (roxymuzak), Thursday, 18 November 2010 01:20 (nine years ago) link

terrible idea variation: Pom Juice-a drink marketed exclusively to pomeranian dogs and their owners. It would be drinkable by both!

glengarry glenn danzig (latebloomer), Thursday, 18 November 2010 04:34 (nine years ago) link

or a pet bodybuilding outfit that "juices" your poms

forksclovetofu, Thursday, 18 November 2010 04:38 (nine years ago) link

pons

(ಠ▃ಠ)o ((cloud)) (crüt), Thursday, 18 November 2010 04:38 (nine years ago) link

pomeranian steroids

sarahel, Thursday, 18 November 2010 08:38 (nine years ago) link

pom de replay: new mtv channel that only shows people drinking pom juice

_| ̄|○| ̄|○| ̄|○ (dayo), Thursday, 18 November 2010 08:40 (nine years ago) link

soft-core pom: pom juice in a capri-sun type soft squeezable container

sarahel, Thursday, 18 November 2010 08:42 (nine years ago) link

you're terrible, ideas

look @ the edges ffs (buzza), Thursday, 18 November 2010 08:45 (nine years ago) link

pom sunday: bottles of pom juice are blessed, saved, and later burned for melting plastic wednesday

another al3x, Thursday, 18 November 2010 15:07 (nine years ago) link

P♥Mp & Circumstance - elaborate amazing race style scavenger hunt where contestants have to chug, bathe in, prosyletize, etc. abt P♥M juice at crucial moments

johnny crunch, Thursday, 18 November 2010 15:22 (nine years ago) link

Whinging Pom Juice - dead Britishers are processed, bottled, and exported to Australia as a kind of liquid Antipodean Soylent Green.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Thursday, 18 November 2010 16:51 (nine years ago) link

an inflatable couch filled with helium, so that when you're not using it, it just floats up to the ceiling, thus liberating the floor space

peter in montreal, Thursday, 18 November 2010 17:04 (nine years ago) link

POM Juice - Repopularize pomegranite juice as a tasty heal-all by selling them in oddly shaped bottles, flavoring them and selling at outrageous prices to fad conscious consumers

forksclovetofu, Thursday, 18 November 2010 17:08 (nine years ago) link

<3 helium couch!

Independent contractor Who manages a Road Show exclusive to Sams Club. (Nijoli), Thursday, 18 November 2010 17:12 (nine years ago) link

yeah no doubt!

goole, Thursday, 18 November 2010 17:16 (nine years ago) link

How about a whole range of helium furniture? Starting with a helium mattress that floats to the ceiling when you get out of bed. Space saving and practical, because once you're up you can't easily get back into bed and oversleep.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Thursday, 18 November 2010 17:36 (nine years ago) link

when you're having a dinner party, once everyone is done eating, just clear the dishes off the table which will then float to the ceiling and voilà: instant dancefloor

peter in montreal, Thursday, 18 November 2010 17:48 (nine years ago) link

i think the problem is that unless you have high ceilings, someone could get rowdy and jump up and easily puncture the floating furniture, unless it was made of material that is really difficult to puncture

sarahel, Thursday, 18 November 2010 19:57 (nine years ago) link

like tarp material!

Independent contractor Who manages a Road Show exclusive to Sams Club. (Nijoli), Thursday, 18 November 2010 21:55 (nine years ago) link

flav's terrible ideas:
http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/story/flavor-flav-launching-liquor-and-chicken-range_1185305
The Public Enemy star has been working on Le Flav Spirits and is aiming to have the liquors on the market early next year (2011). He says, "I want you all to keep on the look out. It should be on the shelves by January... I'm coming out with a cherry vodka, a berry vodka, an olive vodka, a sweet tea vodka, a bubblegum vodka and a grape vodka."

old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 20 November 2010 19:27 (nine years ago) link

^^ should add caffeine

the business class edition of the ronaldinho bottle opener thread (sarahel), Saturday, 20 November 2010 19:34 (nine years ago) link

should probably post this on ILF but UK football headz may remember the baffling 501 Great Goals videos from the 90s, which delivered exactly what the title promised - 501 goals with no discernment along the lines of quality or people involved

my terrible idea is to do a '501 Great Cumshots' series for porn enthusiasts

cthulhu thuggin (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 21 November 2010 19:29 (nine years ago) link

pretty sure that already exists

T-Rex's erotic imagination (Z S), Sunday, 21 November 2010 19:42 (nine years ago) link

I want to write a song that rhymes "internationally known" with "interlibrary loan"

portrait of the artist as a yung joc (Hurting 2), Sunday, 21 November 2010 23:34 (nine years ago) link

twee literary indie is pretty terrible

calpolaris (nakhchivan), Monday, 22 November 2010 00:18 (nine years ago) link

cuckoo four loko puffs

straight old fashioned, virgin (another al3x), Monday, 22 November 2010 02:51 (nine years ago) link

http://www.foodcomm.org.uk/parentsjury/Awards%20Feb03/coco_pops.jpg
"My name's Loko
and I live in a tree
I drink alcohol for breakfast
regularly
I sleep in a
cardboard box
But I'd rather have a bowl of
Loko Pops, oh yeah...

<voiceover> Loko Pops are so alcoholic, they even turn your piss brown."

So... I'd rather have a bowl
of Loko Pops. <disco synth tom sound>"

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 22 November 2010 10:13 (nine years ago) link

Terrible idea for an elaborate joke involving dropping a pachyderm on top of someone like a comedy piano routine. This will be called "The Elephant Of Surprise".

The Great Cool Lulu who sleeps in Riley... (dog latin), Monday, 22 November 2010 11:02 (nine years ago) link

could be a good name for a magic trick

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 22 November 2010 14:14 (nine years ago) link

or an elephant

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 22 November 2010 14:14 (nine years ago) link

Trying hard not to read Snoball's lyrics to the tune of Luka.

http://tinyurl.com/vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 22 November 2010 15:46 (nine years ago) link

Calling your child something like Coughboughtoughroughthoughthrough to teach it many of the idiosyncrasies of the English language by the time it's learnt to spell its name.

The Great Cool Lulu who sleeps in Riley... (dog latin), Monday, 22 November 2010 15:57 (nine years ago) link

That child might be the offspring of Frank Bough?
http://hub.tv-ark.org.uk/images/presenters/images/presenters_b/frankboughnw74-01.jpg

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 22 November 2010 16:02 (nine years ago) link

Oh and re: helium filled furniture, a van passed by me today with 'BUOYANT FURNITURE' written on the side. It was going over a humped-back bridge at the time, and there was a noticeable 'lift' as it went over the top.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 22 November 2010 16:15 (nine years ago) link

Do you live inside a Richard Scarry book.

http://tinyurl.com/vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 22 November 2010 16:21 (nine years ago) link

Well now you mention it, the van was being driven by a raccoon wearing lederhosen.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 22 November 2010 16:24 (nine years ago) link

Richard Scarry Moving Company: Specialists in buoyant furniture, anthropomorphism and labeling things with their proper noun names

old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Monday, 22 November 2010 20:04 (nine years ago) link

A W-bend to replace U-bends in plumbing so you can store twice as much crud in there before you need to clean it out.

Lindsey Lohan is the new Extreme Noise Terror (onimo), Tuesday, 23 November 2010 17:48 (nine years ago) link

a plumbing school in Bend, Oregon, called U-Bend. the name would have trifold significance, viz.:

  • University of Bend
  • "u bend over, u show a little crack, u learn how to unclog those pipes" (school motto)
  • the u-shaped plumbing device that traps crud and keeps out sewage fumes

lonely is as lonely does, lonely is an eeyore (unregistered), Tuesday, 23 November 2010 18:58 (nine years ago) link

Pacqyderm - Filipino skincare clinic franchise

calpolaris (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:02 (nine years ago) link

footboxing - five minutes of football followed by both teams pairing up and beating the shit out of each other for a round, winner determined by goals or knockout, whichever reaches 4 first

pro EVOO sucker (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:04 (nine years ago) link

I thought they were the same thing?

_| ̄|○| ̄|○| ̄|○ (dayo), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:12 (nine years ago) link

.....

calpolaris (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:13 (nine years ago) link

Today's terrible idea: invent an all "American" casserole called "Sister Golden Hair Surprise"

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:13 (nine years ago) link

Sligohasu - Irish version of same

calpolaris (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:15 (nine years ago) link

would it be categorized as a 'hotdish' abbott?

_| ̄|○| ̄|○| ̄|○ (dayo), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:16 (nine years ago) link

I don't know where the ______ surprise/hotdish worlds overlap tbh.

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:20 (nine years ago) link

Today's terrible idea: invent an all "American" casserole called "Sister Golden Hair Surprise"

― Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:13 (5 minutes ago)

Ok, yes, having a casserole with the word "hair" in its name is a terrible idea, especially if that word is followed by "surprise."

portrait of the artist as a yung joc (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:20 (nine years ago) link

I was thinking it could be angel hair pasta.

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:21 (nine years ago) link

Maybe both people eat it, starting at opposite sides, until they meet in the middle.

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:22 (nine years ago) link

Or maybe there's a surprise in the middle, and you serve it with a little placard saying "would you eat me in the middle?"

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:22 (nine years ago) link

Mersebox - Limited edition diamante encrusted cigar box filled with vials of Paul Merson's pancreatic/seminal/cerebrospinal/septic fluids

calpolaris (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 03:04 (nine years ago) link

no. i mean, yes. in a 'no' way.

pro EVOO sucker (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 03:05 (nine years ago) link

change your facebook name to 'You' and then like everything in your newsfeed. so that when people see items that you've liked, all they see is "You likes this"

_| ̄|○| ̄|○| ̄|○ (dayo), Friday, 26 November 2010 01:58 (nine years ago) link

I can't tell if the bad grammar helps or hinders your terrible idea.

http://tinyurl.com/vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 26 November 2010 02:22 (nine years ago) link

or the fact that it would say, for example, "You Robinson likes this"

O⎠o⎠O⎠o⎠O (roxymuzak), Friday, 26 November 2010 18:11 (nine years ago) link

"Your self likes this"

mormon's marmots (crüt), Friday, 26 November 2010 18:12 (nine years ago) link

How about an account called "Your mother", so teenagers will see "Your mother likes this" and be instantly put off fro liking whatever it is themselves.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Friday, 26 November 2010 18:20 (nine years ago) link

orange scented surgical masks from Airborne to wear on flights that give you high doses of Vitamin C while protecting you from germs on the plane
3 cents to make, sell for 6 bucks

old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 27 November 2010 17:44 (nine years ago) link

That's not a terrible idea, as long as you're the one making the money from the masks.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 27 November 2010 17:55 (nine years ago) link

a mask that delivers vitamin c would be expensive and impossible to make

tim lincecum in a giants snuggie (roxymuzak), Sunday, 28 November 2010 02:23 (nine years ago) link

that Facebook account should be called 'Nobody'

underrated aeroflot disasters i have wikisearched (acoleuthic), Sunday, 28 November 2010 02:25 (nine years ago) link

he who talks loud, saying nothing

calpolaris (nakhchivan), Sunday, 28 November 2010 02:26 (nine years ago) link

"nobody robinson likes this"

tim lincecum in a giants snuggie (roxymuzak), Sunday, 28 November 2010 02:29 (nine years ago) link

"nobody but robinson likes this"

.\ /. (dayo), Sunday, 28 November 2010 07:42 (nine years ago) link

xp the mask delivers vitamin c because you eat it.

old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 28 November 2010 17:12 (nine years ago) link

a t.v. show hosted by Patti LaBelle where she counsels trouble teens and sets them on the right path called SAVED BY LABELLE

SO it's like edible underwear?

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Sunday, 28 November 2010 22:44 (nine years ago) link

if we were talking for real, let's say it's an orange scented surgical mask that comes with a little pouch of granulated Vitamin C dust. Chug the dust, doff the mask, it'll keep you safe and well on your flight

old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 28 November 2010 22:54 (nine years ago) link

That's a great advertising slogan:

'Chug the DUST - Wear the MASK'

I can imagine a plan full of guys in foil print tattoo t-shirts wearing orange masks shouting (a bit muffled) "fuck yeah!"

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 29 November 2010 11:55 (nine years ago) link

Beeps has taken to asking for Orange Dust instead of orange juice. We weren't sure if she had been given some Tang somewhere, so we asked what she was talking about. She said orange juice tastes like orange dust to her, ergo…

But it made me think about this mask thing. How hard would it be to have inside the mask a pouch filled with dry orange pulp? Surely that pulp they take out of pulpless orange juice has to go somewhere, right? I'm thinking we get with Tropicana and offer them a solution to disposing of their waste byproducts.

http://tinyurl.com/vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 29 November 2010 16:03 (nine years ago) link

Or since the dust is orange coloured, maybe we could use vitamin C enriched Cheeto/Wotsits dust?

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 29 November 2010 16:08 (nine years ago) link

My terrible idea was enacted last night:

"Nuclear Winterval" - where we all get together to watch The War Game and Threads and public information films about what to do in the event of the bomb dropping. And also eat mince pies.

emil.y, Monday, 29 November 2010 16:14 (nine years ago) link

awes

rouxymuzak (nakhchivan), Monday, 29 November 2010 19:10 (nine years ago) link

I had this terrible idea today while travelling by bus. It follows on from the 'book of pictures of things written in the dirt on white vans' idea, and is this: a book of Zen koans and other BRANE ASPLODE type slogans written in the dust on the back of a bus. Seems that the backs of buses are especially dusty. Anyway, today I saw the phrase 'I AM CLEAN' written in the dust on the back of a bus. It is the exact opposite property (the bus is dirty not clean) that enables the message to be written in the first place.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 29 November 2010 19:32 (nine years ago) link

tumblr to book deal imo

rouxymuzak (nakhchivan), Monday, 29 November 2010 19:33 (nine years ago) link

hoxton bro-scene energy drink called 'fuselage' that contains 4x the recommended daily limit of viagra

rmad and dangerous (acoleuthic), Tuesday, 30 November 2010 00:57 (nine years ago) link

Jaar .jar binks - Limited edition archive of novelty fileformat videoblogs from Chilean techno wunderkind

rouxymuzak (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 30 November 2010 02:20 (nine years ago) link

Illegal drug called "Time Machine" that puts you in a coma for a year

old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 30 November 2010 02:47 (nine years ago) link

book idea: "Zombies Be All..." goofus and gallant style race-based comedy LOL zombie mash.

fa fa fa fa fa (Zachary Taylor), Tuesday, 30 November 2010 03:30 (nine years ago) link

Tonight's terrible idea - this post. My previous post is a serious terrible idea that I've been coming back to in my head for several days. I work in a bookstore, and I see the things that are published as if they are a "take a memo, ""Racist Zombie Book"", I want a draft by Monday".

I want to make a book that is full of racist zombie comedy. "Black people are all "I like to eat ribs", Zombies be all "RIBBZZZZ" , White people are all like brainy, Zombies be all BRAINZZZ; with funny pictures. I'm not trying to hurt people with racism, I'm positing a terrible idea that is full of racism.

I'm also sorry I posted on this sub-forum and disrupted the flow of an exchange I've enjoyed lurking. I regret everything I post on the Internet these days. I hope this is the last post under this identity. I can't even get into the gmail account linked to it. It would be okay to make these posts go away.

in conclusion, I suck and my posts suck, and my terrible ideas suck, but they are terrible.

I'm quite a clever fellow in real life, my friends are often terribly amused. I don't mean friends exactly. Some people I know. at my job. I'm all like "RACIST ZOMBIE HUMOUR BOOK!!!" and they're all like "okey doke"

I could just keep typing. I may be sick, I've had a strange taste in my mouth all evening.

sorry.

fa fa fa fa fa (Zachary Taylor), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 07:11 (nine years ago) link

You may want to ease off the cherries and ice cream, Zachary Taylor.

http://tinyurl.com/vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 07:43 (nine years ago) link

Illegal drug called "Time Machine" that puts you in a coma for a year

― old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 30 November 2010 02:47 (Yesterday)

aka Light Speed

ball (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 07:46 (nine years ago) link

aka Flight of the Navagator

ball (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 07:46 (nine years ago) link

Zachary Taylor have you spent any time on Cape of Good Hope?

gr8080 of missing ILX (gr8080), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 11:34 (nine years ago) link

A moustache that is underneath the bottom lip, called an 'Under 'Tache'.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 13:02 (nine years ago) link

Zeedonk - Donk microgenre from Frisian Islands, 160 bpm see shanties with electro stabs and sick lyrics about fishing, drunken violence in depressed fishing towns

lex eduction horror (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 13:14 (nine years ago) link

Put a donk on Brel's 'Amsterdam'.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 13:42 (nine years ago) link

otm

lex eduction horror (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 13:43 (nine years ago) link

undertache is a soul patch, no?

old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 17:46 (nine years ago) link

I was thinking that by careful combing/training it could be made to resemble an upside-down 'tache.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 17:48 (nine years ago) link

need to see this to make an informed comment

old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:11 (nine years ago) link

Even terrible-r idea - the Triple 'Tache. Comprised of:

  • a regular 'tache,
  • an under 'tasche as descripbed above,
  • a Tuomas style chipstrap with the sideburns and most of the jawline removed and the remainder shaped to look like a regularly oriented 'tache, just on the point of your chin.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:20 (nine years ago) link

I'm worried that 'taches 2 and 3 might look too much like lips, prompting comments like, "trying to grow a new mouth, eh?" don't get me wrong, it's a perfectly good terrible idea — I just wouldn't want to be the pioneer, that's all.

lonely is as lonely does, lonely is an eeyore (unregistered), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:30 (nine years ago) link

google search for understache suggests the web equates it with soul patch

old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:36 (nine years ago) link

Waxing the soul patch to look like a Dali-esque 'tasche?

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:48 (nine years ago) link

I mean, that would totally out-do Dali in the facial hair stakes. Even more so if you grew a Chin 'Tasche and waxed that as well.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:49 (nine years ago) link

You could then centre part the hair on top of your head, and use hair gel to make it into a giant Head 'Tasche.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:51 (nine years ago) link

``THE MESSAGEBOARD MURDERS``:

a guy posts to an internet messageboard, gets hounded off for making racist statements about football players. he decides to start his own internet forum, with only himself participating, but in different voices...as different made-up posters. he devotes all of his spare time to starting threads and crafting intricate drama and conflict, flamewars, banning controversies, etc... he finds himself more involved in his creation than he ever was on the "real" messageboard that he formerly posted on, or even in any of his past real-life social interactions. it's his obsession, it consumes his whole life, blah blah blah.

during a several day bout with the flu, he is too sick to keep up with his board. when he returns to it, the board has mysteriously taken on a life of its own. all of the fictitious posters have continued posting in character, as if he had never taken a break from the thing. as well there are a gaggle of new posters participating. he decides to follow along silently for a couple of days and wracks his brain trying to find a logical explanation for what he is witnessing (the forum is pretty much ungoogleable and new posters are only allowed with the approval of him in the role of the board administrator...furthermore, his pc was powered off during the duration of his illness, and he has always maintained a scrupulously secure setup, with no room for someone else to be able to keep tabs on what he has been doing online or on his machine)

after a particularly heated online argument one evening, a long-time poster is summarily banned. the next day, while scanning the front page of his local morning newspaper, our hero is shocked to learn that of the brutal murder of a young person in town sharing the same name as the banned poster from his fake messageboard. at this point he is losing it, but he continues to haunt his board for the next week or so, as meanwhile the same horrifying pattern continues, bannings and then murders, with the victims sharing the banned fake posters' names. he finally decides to have a go at participating in his creation once again, and begins to post under the name of his favorite character, the first poster he ever invented for the game. ...and omg, you won't even believe what happens after that!!

pluperfect (del), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 22:53 (nine years ago) link

A hint of Sombrero Fallout, there?

emil.y, Wednesday, 1 December 2010 22:58 (nine years ago) link

I work in a bookstore, and I see the things that are published as if they are a "take a memo, ""Racist Zombie Book"", I want a draft by Monday".

I want to make a book that is full of racist zombie comedy. "Black people are all "I like to eat ribs", Zombies be all "RIBBZZZZ" , White people are all like brainy, Zombies be all BRAINZZZ; with funny pictures. I'm not trying to hurt people with racism, I'm positing a terrible idea that is full of racism.

kinda thinking that such a book already exists, you caught a glimpse of the spine of it in the store where you work, and then it got lodged in your subconscious before coming out the other end in the guise of a terrible, original idea

there is a sequel to that 'stuff white people like' book ffs. and i'm sure they sell like, zombie plush dolls and all kinds of crap like that. it's just a mushing of those two ideas along with a tribute to shitty standup comedy tropes

pluperfect (del), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 23:03 (nine years ago) link

del that's at swim, two birds

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 23:06 (nine years ago) link

or mulligan stew

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 23:07 (nine years ago) link

same thing tho

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 23:07 (nine years ago) link

http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1172261764l/156192.jpg

congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 23:08 (nine years ago) link

i had to google that brautigan one, hmmm...

actually, i was thinking it was more reminiscent of some early stephen king short story or something!

pluperfect (del), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 23:10 (nine years ago) link

wow, have you read that coover book?

pluperfect (del), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 23:13 (nine years ago) link

yeah it's good, a lot more readable than his other stuff. recommended.

congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 23:17 (nine years ago) link

ok, thanks! the amazon reviews are intriguing me

pluperfect (del), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 23:41 (nine years ago) link

Lancing the Boyle - Documentary in which Scottish Youtube sensation spends a week teaching music at public school

nakhchivan, Thursday, 2 December 2010 17:43 (nine years ago) link

have been thrashed @ football on the hallowed fields of lancing on >1 occasion iirc

gospermaban sim gishel (acoleuthic), Thursday, 2 December 2010 17:48 (nine years ago) link

xp I was thinking 'huh? Frankie Boyle?' but realised that you probably meant Susan.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Thursday, 2 December 2010 18:00 (nine years ago) link

Lancing the Boyles - Followup in which school pageant is organized by unlikely showbiz 'couple', comedy ensues from mixture of cloying sentiment, misanthropy and privilege

nakhchivan, Thursday, 2 December 2010 18:02 (nine years ago) link

i can only hope u don't sign up for some terrible spurlockesque documentary where u live your life according to the teachings of yahoo answers

― Ectothiorhodospira shaposhnikovii (nakhchivan), Thursday, December 2, 2010 10:07 PM (32 seconds ago) Bookmark

beggin' strips continuum (del), Thursday, 2 December 2010 22:09 (nine years ago) link

a ringtone which is the exact sound a phone makes when vibrating on a table

peter in montreal, Friday, 3 December 2010 22:12 (nine years ago) link

is this a request? i think i can do this one. (the ringtone, not the boyle lancing)

Philip Nunez, Friday, 3 December 2010 23:06 (nine years ago) link

inflatable furniture you say?

http://gizmodo.com/5705388/dont-worry-the-balloon-bench-wont-float-out-of-your-house

koogs, Saturday, 4 December 2010 21:25 (nine years ago) link

But it's not really floating! The balloon 'strings' are cables!

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 4 December 2010 21:28 (nine years ago) link

starting a consulting firm whose motto is NO CEILINGS

aka the pope (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Saturday, 4 December 2010 21:49 (nine years ago) link

it was a disaster when HOOS's consulting firm moved to vietnam during the monsoon season

.\ /. (dayo), Sunday, 5 December 2010 01:44 (nine years ago) link

vietNAM - a vietnam war themed vietnamese restaurant

tldr swinton (nakhchivan), Sunday, 5 December 2010 01:47 (nine years ago) link

your spaghetti with marinara sauce actually explodes, splattering red sauce everywhere

.\ /. (dayo), Sunday, 5 December 2010 01:58 (nine years ago) link

Pho Chi Minh's

It's Ong Like Donkey Kong (latebloomer), Sunday, 5 December 2010 08:15 (nine years ago) link

to target the lucrative market of young people with extreme lifestyles,

a brand of hand sanitizer called HAND INSANETIZER!!!!!!

.\ /. (dayo), Sunday, 5 December 2010 08:21 (nine years ago) link

vietNOMNOMNOM

Ian Riese-Moran (rip van wanko), Sunday, 5 December 2010 08:23 (nine years ago) link

Pho Chi Minh's

― It's Ong Like Donkey Kong (latebloomer), Sunday, 5 December 2010 08:15 (4 hours ago)

guessing that already exists somewhere in the world

tldr swinton (nakhchivan), Sunday, 5 December 2010 13:05 (nine years ago) link

Trumbull in the Jungle - SFX auteur's vituperative documentary about the destruction of Congo's highland rainforest

Princess TuomTuom (nakhchivan), Sunday, 5 December 2010 15:06 (nine years ago) link

it's gotta be a motion simulator ride, because IIRC trumbull basically left hollywood to focus on stuff like that

It's Ong Like Donkey Kong (latebloomer), Sunday, 5 December 2010 15:22 (nine years ago) link

Mikki Vainilli - No way! Yes, Vanilla are teaming up with Tampere's finest this Christmas, all proceeds to RNLI

nakhchivan, Tuesday, 7 December 2010 01:29 (nine years ago) link

Geirbox - Limited edition collection of Geir Hongro posts recorded by Veggard Heggem onto a vintage wax cylinder, encased in Norwegian wood

nakhchivan, Tuesday, 7 December 2010 03:47 (nine years ago) link

The Lee of Trife - Controversial 16mm documentary in which Lee Renaldo's gambling debts entail period of enforced serfdom in Wu affiliate's Poughkeepsie diploma mill, the University of Trife

nakhchivan, Tuesday, 7 December 2010 03:54 (nine years ago) link

that's a great idea actually

well done me

nakhchivan, Tuesday, 7 December 2010 04:09 (nine years ago) link

a beer called Fractional Reserve where each bottle is only like 1/7 full.

ball (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 07:03 (nine years ago) link

To be served in a glass half empty?

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 10:44 (nine years ago) link

A form of music combining Jungle and 'musique concrete', called 'Concrete Jungle'.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 10:45 (nine years ago) link

Stable of magazines for people who think they're alright, but nothing special. 'Fairly Attractive Woman', 'OK at Cooking', 'Relatively Competent Man' the launch titles? cld be realistic, aspirational titles for ppl with self-esteem issues. 'Happy Enough' mag profiling people who are doing ok, feeling alright about things? Dunno, haven't thought it through.
Anyway, SWOT analysis:
S: Brand is honest, realistic, reassuring, values appealing to many in these tough economic times.
W: Possibly subconsciously stolen from somewhere? Brand displays offputting lack of ambition.
O: A lot of people who are like this, probably
T: All other magazines are basically like this already with less explicit titles?

portrait of velleity (woof), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 11:13 (nine years ago) link

i love swot analysis we should apply it to all these (your) terrible ideas

Lou Ferrigno (Hulken) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 15:07 (nine years ago) link

S: no-one's done it before
W: ...because it's a terrible idea
O: go down in history as a spectacular failure
T: from the lawyers of those affected by your scheme

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 17:30 (nine years ago) link

haha - whenever I hear/think about SWOT analysis, I think about feeling like a hostage in board/staff retreats where this is often done, and dreaming about being rescued by a SWAT team.

"You are surrounded. Put down the flip chart markers. Do not think that you can use that whiteboard for cover. Our bullets will pierce that shit and penetrate your vital organs."

sarahel, Tuesday, 7 December 2010 21:23 (nine years ago) link

terrible lack of concision in yr SWAT instructions

brevity or gtfo in a live fire situation please

nakhtar donetsk (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 21:47 (nine years ago) link

"Drop that copy of 'Peopleware', asshole!"

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 22:17 (nine years ago) link

someone else's terrible idea; the term 'peopleware'

nakhtar donetsk (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 22:19 (nine years ago) link

It makes me think of those restaurants where you can eat food off of people.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 22:33 (nine years ago) link

S: You have flipchart markers.
W: You cannot use that whiteboard for cover.
O: You can surrender.
T: Our bullets will pierce that shit and penetrate your vital organs.

Lou Ferrigno (Hulken) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 23:25 (nine years ago) link

starting a solo (non-jazz) project called Jazz Lawyer

ball (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 00:47 (nine years ago) link

importing professional wrestling into china except replacing wrestling with martial arts so that all the fights look like this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZBtTx6jItI

steendriver DUMB BIG, his HOOS got HOOS (dayo), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 05:46 (nine years ago) link

German cocaine rapper called Deutsche Gram

mandatorily joined parties (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 16:17 (nine years ago) link

Barnes & Noble checkout aisle type book called "Brevity is the Soul of Twit: 10 Minutes of Great Tweets"

mandatorily joined parties (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 20:51 (nine years ago) link

Also, get Jay-Z to rerecord version of Izzo for birthdays that goes "H to the Pizzo, B to the Dizzay, for shizzle my nizzle we be singin happy birthday!"

mandatorily joined parties (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 20:54 (nine years ago) link

The Confusions of Young TourLes - Novella about folie-a-deux suffered by two viciously abused young central defenders at an elite football club in northern England

pretty amusling

the nagl is the nagl (dayo), Thursday, 9 December 2010 02:02 (nine years ago) link

:)

a beer called Fractional Reserve where each bottle is only like 1/7 full.

― ball (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 07:03 (2 days ago)

^^

distill ipa until it's 7x normal strength

Villa D'estela - Short lived 80s music show on New Zealand television in which ilxor estela interviewed the dead c, the smiths and alberto fujimori

nakhchivan, Thursday, 9 December 2010 21:15 (nine years ago) link

any TV show with estela as the host is a great idea.

ILX Battle Royale, 51 zing crew ppl or zing crew wannabes duke it out -- winner gets to be a sitewide mod, but the other 50 have to actually die

pixel farmer, Friday, 10 December 2010 19:21 (nine years ago) link

walk the fucken walk hardman

Indian Food 2 Electric Vindaloo (forksclovetofu), Friday, 10 December 2010 20:40 (nine years ago) link

I had this idea for a line of dialogue I want to work into a script, but I have no context for it, except that it's delivered by a bitter character named Lou, and it goes "Freedom?! Freedom's just another word for nothing left for Lou!"

mandatorily joined parties (Hurting 2), Sunday, 12 December 2010 02:41 (nine years ago) link

Also, a film idea the lady and I developed together for a Lifetime TV-type movie called "Speaking from the Heart":

---
Tim is a lovable twenty-something gay deaf-mute living in Minneapolis. Happy in his relationship but estranged from his parents because of his sexuality, he struggles with Eileen, his 40-ish therapist, to find self-acceptance. But meanwhile, Eileen has her own single-parent struggles with her rebellious teenaged daughter. Audiences will cry and cheer at the heartwarming climax, when Tim witnesses a fight between Eileen and her daughter; after the daughter storms out, Tim's mouth begins to tremble, as he "breaks his silence" to tell Eileen "Y-y-y-y-yu-yuh-yuh-yy-You N-n-n-n-n-n-nee-n-n-need each-ch-ch-other."
In the final scene, Tim's parents join him and his boyfriend and Eileen and her daughter for Thanksgiving dinner.

― Hurting (Hurting), Monday, November 7, 2005 10:23 PM Bookmark

mandatorily joined parties (Hurting 2), Sunday, 12 December 2010 02:45 (nine years ago) link

Boxer briefs without the legs.

fa fa fa fa fa (Zachary Taylor), Monday, 13 December 2010 06:13 (nine years ago) link

horrifying

aka the pope (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 13 December 2010 06:17 (nine years ago) link

that makes no sense.

its like saying "strapless bra w/ straps."

http://tinyurl.com/jerrymacarena (gr8080), Monday, 13 December 2010 10:58 (nine years ago) link

xxp isn't that just a very loose fitting thong?

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 13 December 2010 12:46 (nine years ago) link

oh now I see why it's a terrible idea O_O

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 13 December 2010 12:51 (nine years ago) link

Buy up a block of cheap old rowhouses in the projects. Knock out some walls and paint it green with two antennae and have a caterpillar mansion.

kkvgz, Monday, 13 December 2010 14:18 (nine years ago) link

Human Centihouse

phantoms from a world gone by speak again the immortal tale: (Jenny), Monday, 13 December 2010 14:25 (nine years ago) link

^^^ could also be name of new genre of microhouse -- maybe where short excerpts of songs are just daisy-chained one after another.

mandatorily joined parties (Hurting 2), Monday, 13 December 2010 14:26 (nine years ago) link

Gets progressively more shit as it goes on?

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 13 December 2010 14:44 (nine years ago) link

sounds like a fiery furnaces album amirite

schlomo replay (acoleuthic), Monday, 13 December 2010 14:46 (nine years ago) link

(I <3 them btw)

schlomo replay (acoleuthic), Monday, 13 December 2010 14:46 (nine years ago) link

negative 100 calorie packs of celery*. they would be huge.

*cuz you lose more calories digesting celery than you gain by metabolizing it

lonely is as lonely does, lonely is an eeyore (unregistered), Tuesday, 14 December 2010 22:58 (nine years ago) link

Office printer paper that comes pre-stained with coffee to make it seem like everyone is working really hard.

hot lava hair (Z S), Tuesday, 14 December 2010 23:23 (nine years ago) link

xp That is not really true of celery, making that a truly capital bad idea!

phantoms from a world gone by speak again the immortal tale: (Jenny), Tuesday, 14 December 2010 23:26 (nine years ago) link

Browser plug-in that automatically inserts spelling mistakes into message board posts. Settings: 'ILX', 'BCO', '4ch4n'

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 14 December 2010 23:38 (nine years ago) link

car doors that don't fully close so you can never slam your fingers in them

I spilled, saucer-eyed, into the Tonetta fanclub underground. (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 14 December 2010 23:52 (nine years ago) link

it CAN be true about celery depending on your metabolism. also: grapefruit.

OFQM (gr8080), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 00:08 (nine years ago) link

ok so this is a terrible idea that I think I may see yet in my lifetime

"legal limit" soda. the sugariest soda allowed by legal law. the whole selling point is that if you bought it, opened it, and added a packet of sugar, well boy, you'd better hope there aren't any cops around because buddy you could be arrested!

I'd have to look into FDA regs, though.

dayo, Wednesday, 15 December 2010 00:37 (nine years ago) link

a song about sacco and vanzetti to the tune of 'viva las vegas'

aka the pope (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 00:38 (nine years ago) link

is there really a legal limit for sugar in a soda?

mandatorily joined parties (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 01:32 (nine years ago) link

just sell some sugar packaged in soda cans

peter in montreal, Wednesday, 15 December 2010 05:45 (nine years ago) link

or drink 2 sodas

hot lava hair (Z S), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 05:47 (nine years ago) link

"just add seltzer water"

I dunno if there's a legal limit to sugar in sodas. if there is, then I would change the idea to something like "Impossibly Sweet Soda!"

the hook would be that this is the most sugar available in a soda according to scientific law - even if you tried to add more sugar to it, it wouldn't work, the sugar would just fall to the bottom, undissolved.

dayo, Wednesday, 15 December 2010 05:50 (nine years ago) link

drinking it would be like drinking that $20 slushee bart bought from the kwik-e-mart.

dayo, Wednesday, 15 December 2010 05:50 (nine years ago) link

Wouldn't this be just a jar of HFCS in the US? Or a squeezy bottle of Golden Syrup in the UK?

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 10:16 (nine years ago) link

232 page book called 'Why England Lose'

all pages blank, except for 191 which says

lol

salvia divanorum (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 20:14 (nine years ago) link

Website: www.grouporn.com which somehow involves group coupons for porn. Haven't quite worked it out yet.

mandatorily joined parties (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 22:53 (nine years ago) link

group ORN - canadian logistics and services conglomerate with suspiciously high web traffic

nakhchivan, Wednesday, 15 December 2010 22:57 (nine years ago) link

232 page book called 'Why England Lose'

all pages blank, except for 191 which says

lol

― salvia divanorum (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 20:14 (2 hours ago)

am srsly wondering whether the bleep in The Boredoms' TV Ramones comes at a proportionally similar point in the track. going to the bother of finding out would be a terrible idea but I am going to do it anyway

schlomo replay (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 23:15 (nine years ago) link

nah fuck it, this ain't getting resolved today

schlomo replay (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 23:16 (nine years ago) link

damn lj yr building up some mythos abt my allusive genius or some shit, setting yrself up for a fall ;_;

still, time spent w/ the boredoms is seldom wasted

nakhchivan, Wednesday, 15 December 2010 23:18 (nine years ago) link

haha this wasn't yr allusive genius for once, I'm all about the holistic synchronicity thing since our simultaneous maneouvre on that craven bastard Olley

the boredoms are one of the best of bands

schlomo replay (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 23:21 (nine years ago) link

an evening with the boredoms - entry in a vbb forum's parody cd covers thread -- receives three lmao emoticons but ultimately is ignored cuz ppl there prefer evanescence

nakhchivan, Wednesday, 15 December 2010 23:21 (nine years ago) link

Wurzels/xtian-emo crossover act Devonescence

schlomo replay (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 23:23 (nine years ago) link

sans of iyo jim a - show in which the late james angleton was asked about his favourite fonts

nax arrrrrgh (nakhchivan), Thursday, 16 December 2010 23:16 (nine years ago) link

a mashup of Reasons To Be Cheerful (list of good things) and The Message (list of bad things)

koogs, Friday, 17 December 2010 08:10 (nine years ago) link

A fridge magnet in the shape of the monolith from '2001'.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Friday, 17 December 2010 10:58 (nine years ago) link

guess u could find one on ebay

nax arrrrrgh (nakhchivan), Friday, 17 December 2010 10:58 (nine years ago) link

sans of iyo jim a - show in which the late james angleton was asked about his favourite fonts

― nax arrrrrgh (nakhchivan), Thursday, 16 December 2010 23:16 (Yesterday)

just giggled like a loon iirc

schlomo replay (acoleuthic), Friday, 17 December 2010 11:02 (nine years ago) link

I came really close to once thinking I could glue tiny magnets to the inside of bottle caps and sell them for a profit.

http://tinyurl.com/ccccccccccccccccc (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 17 December 2010 14:56 (nine years ago) link

Yeah, it's just one idea that will never happen I guess.

http://tinyurl.com/ccccccccccccccccc (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 17 December 2010 17:52 (nine years ago) link

death metal patter song

anatol_merklich, Saturday, 18 December 2010 02:25 (nine years ago) link

poopcorn

dayo, Saturday, 18 December 2010 06:05 (nine years ago) link

i am crying right now

One who would turn all to rodman (acoleuthic), Saturday, 18 December 2010 06:08 (nine years ago) link

hip-hop album trilogy called "Rapper Run"/"Rapper is Rich"/"Rapper at Rest"

I can take a youtube that's seldom seen, flip it, now it's a meme (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 21 December 2010 17:32 (nine years ago) link

xxp would stink out your microwave and kitchen even more than regular popcorn.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 21 December 2010 17:35 (nine years ago) link

Lúcio Starts Fires - The erstwhile Brazil centre-half stars in a Chapman Brothers video installation nasty in which he burns down a lifesize replica of a Barrat Homes 3 bedroom semi - constructed entirely from slabs of frozen petrol and filled with six hundred live cane rats and £800,000 of Louis XIV furniture from the estate of Heinrich Himmler

No Wicked Heart Shall Prosper.rar (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 22 December 2010 23:20 (nine years ago) link

^^^ still won't win the Turner Prize, as it's not 'edgy' enough.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Thursday, 23 December 2010 11:48 (nine years ago) link

it seems like they prefer more minimalist stuff?

sarahel, Thursday, 23 December 2010 20:25 (nine years ago) link

chapmans dgaf about those fucks

No Wicked Heart Shall Prosper.rar (nakhchivan), Thursday, 23 December 2010 20:54 (nine years ago) link

Spectres of Markers - Limited ed coffee table book of Jeff Tweedy youtube stills

Rockcrit from the Tuoms (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 29 December 2010 17:39 (nine years ago) link

haha how are u still posting to 1p3

ilx get on my lvl (roxymuzak), Thursday, 30 December 2010 23:47 (nine years ago) link

i have been thinking about a salad/toast restaurant for a long time. all we serve is salad and toast. because i like to eat that and would go to salad&toast for lunch.

positive reflection is the key (harbl), Thursday, 30 December 2010 23:50 (nine years ago) link

salad & toast for lunch is sub- prison food as far as my tastes go, unless there are copious dressings (the healthy kind) and jellies. I'd definitely go to Dressings&Jellies for lunch.

i probably busted a nut when i was tossing her cookie salad (unregistered), Friday, 31 December 2010 00:00 (nine years ago) link

there are dressings and it's not just boring lettuce salad. no jelly though.

positive reflection is the key (harbl), Friday, 31 December 2010 00:01 (nine years ago) link

no cookie salad either

positive reflection is the key (harbl), Friday, 31 December 2010 00:01 (nine years ago) link

well thank god for that!

i probably busted a nut when i was tossing her cookie salad (unregistered), Friday, 31 December 2010 00:02 (nine years ago) link

actually if you threw in stuff like spinach and arugula and mushrooms and dried cranberries and chopped walnuts, I could probably appreciate the salad without any dressing. iceberg lettuce is a definite deal breaker & it's probably the reason why I have an irrational knee-jerk reaction against the word salad.

i probably busted a nut when i was tossing her cookie salad (unregistered), Friday, 31 December 2010 00:09 (nine years ago) link

http://i52.tinypic.com/2u9mr1v.jpg

http://i51.tinypic.com/119vuk8.jpg

my idea tonight is a talking plastic figurine like Homer up there. it features a crabby old lady (possibly Maxine: see above) who sits in a recliner while her dog lies asleep in a little bed in front of the chair. the dog is wearing a cone-shaped elizabethan collar, and one of its hind legs is bandaged. when you press a button, the lady sits upright, stares her dog down, and screams, "DON'T PICK AT IT!" in an earsplitting crabby old lady voice. the dog opens one eye and whines meekly, as if to say, "b-b-but I wasn't picking at it, mommy." the sequence repeats until the batteries run out, with roughly a 2-second interval between "DON'T PICK AT IT!"s.

i probably busted a nut when i was tossing her cookie salad (unregistered), Friday, 31 December 2010 01:09 (nine years ago) link

alternate idea: same as above, but instead of a crabby old lady, it's a balding middle-aged man who mumbles "don't scootch" at the dog in a barely audible monotone. in this case the dog is actually scooting its butt across the carpet, and it doesn't acknowledge its owner's command.

i probably busted a nut when i was tossing her cookie salad (unregistered), Friday, 31 December 2010 01:11 (nine years ago) link

salad + toast = caesar salad

predeep natsvitika (forksclovetofu), Friday, 31 December 2010 03:48 (nine years ago) link

am srsly wondering whether the bleep in The Boredoms' TV Ramones comes at a proportionally similar point in the track. going to the bother of finding out would be a terrible idea but I am going to do it anyway

― schlomo replay (acoleuthic), Wednesday, December 15, 2010 11:15 PM (2 weeks ago)

I'm still waiting with 'bated breath for the results of this study.

i probably busted a nut when i was tossing her cookie salad (unregistered), Friday, 31 December 2010 19:39 (nine years ago) link

Porno version of The King's Speech called The King's Sex, where the King works with a hot female therapist to get over his fear of sex.

hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 January 2011 04:08 (nine years ago) link

YOU MUST LEAVE AN HEIR TO THE THRONE

gr8080, Monday, 10 January 2011 04:31 (nine years ago) link

Glad we're on the same page here when are you free to work on this with me

hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 January 2011 05:26 (nine years ago) link

hip-hop album trilogy called "Rapper Run"/"Rapper is Rich"/"Rapper at Rest"

― I can take a youtube that's seldom seen, flip it, now it's a meme (Hurting 2), Tuesday, December 21, 2010 5:32 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

would read lyric booklet

aka the pope (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 10 January 2011 05:30 (nine years ago) link

The Golden Gears - a car mechanic shop that is run by four old ladies.

Sister is dating a (CONTROVERSIAL MOD EDIT) (Nijoli), Tuesday, 11 January 2011 00:00 (nine years ago) link

The Golden Grills?

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 11 January 2011 00:10 (nine years ago) link

A strip club called the Office: you can call home and literally say you're staying late at the Office

Young Guns aside, the western is not my favorite genre. (latebloomer), Tuesday, 11 January 2011 07:03 (nine years ago) link

seems like every college town in america has a bar called "The Library" for that reason.

gr8080, Tuesday, 11 January 2011 07:11 (nine years ago) link

Results 1 - 10 of about 2,590,000 for "the office" strip club. (0.14 seconds)

gr8080, Tuesday, 11 January 2011 07:20 (nine years ago) link

still prob a terrible idea.

gr8080, Tuesday, 11 January 2011 07:29 (nine years ago) link

bonus terrible idea #1: a strip club called the Office, where all the dancers are dressed like character's from tv's "The Office"

bonus terrible idea #2: a strip club-themed strip club where all the dancers are dressed like bouncers and the bouncers dance

Young Guns aside, the western is not my favorite genre. (latebloomer), Tuesday, 11 January 2011 07:32 (nine years ago) link

the champagne room is the restroom

Young Guns aside, the western is not my favorite genre. (latebloomer), Tuesday, 11 January 2011 07:34 (nine years ago) link

lapdances in the parking lot

gr8080, Tuesday, 11 January 2011 07:44 (nine years ago) link

salad + toast = caesar salad

― predeep natsvitika (forksclovetofu), Thursday, December 30, 2010 10:48 PM (1 week ago)

no caesar salad will be served at salad&toast

positive reflection is the key (harbl), Tuesday, 11 January 2011 11:38 (nine years ago) link

that's my girl

estela, Tuesday, 11 January 2011 11:52 (nine years ago) link

a bold marketing choice

predeep natsvitika (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 11 January 2011 16:38 (nine years ago) link

a series of bobble heads that are famous folks with parkinson's diseae

Sister is dating a (CONTROVERSIAL MOD EDIT) (Nijoli), Saturday, 15 January 2011 01:51 (nine years ago) link

disease obv

Sister is dating a (CONTROVERSIAL MOD EDIT) (Nijoli), Saturday, 15 January 2011 01:52 (nine years ago) link

lol

enfuque (Matt P), Saturday, 15 January 2011 02:03 (nine years ago) link

start a food company called Red Sea. the only product will be salt. on the packaging, it'll say "Red Sea Salt." people will buy it and think it's sea salt, but it's actually just table salt.

based god kwassa kwassa (dayo), Thursday, 27 January 2011 16:37 (eight years ago) link

Salt that is Red

H.R. Gigerstuf (latebloomer), Friday, 28 January 2011 00:00 (eight years ago) link

a German-American S&M club called "I Whip My Herr"

the loneliness of the dexys midnight runner (unregistered), Friday, 28 January 2011 22:11 (eight years ago) link

employing table as nazi-themed stomper

dark link (roxymuzak), Friday, 28 January 2011 23:18 (eight years ago) link

that's gold imo

hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Friday, 28 January 2011 23:20 (eight years ago) link

A sequel series to Quantum Leap where Sam can travel to ANY point in time - not just dates within his own lifetime. Also maybe he can jump into other species. So maybe he travels back to the Triassic Period and he's a Plateosaurus...or 10 million years in the future and everyone is hooked up to comptuers and masturbating constantly and he has to stop them from masturbating so much. It would be called Big Quantum Leap.

23 24 (Z S), Saturday, 29 January 2011 04:51 (eight years ago) link

Quantum (Fan) Wank

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 29 January 2011 12:52 (eight years ago) link

http://pighuntah.com/images/alae%20salt.jpg

gr8080, Tuesday, 1 February 2011 06:50 (eight years ago) link

an exhibition of my photography, accompanied by me playing my juno 106, called photosynthesis

dayo, Friday, 11 February 2011 02:13 (eight years ago) link

and also a searing commentary on the lack of any plants in yr urban dystopias

nakhchivan, Friday, 11 February 2011 02:26 (eight years ago) link

a version of Anna Karenina starring Anna Karina

koogs, Saturday, 12 February 2011 14:04 (eight years ago) link

I had an idea last night for an internet service for guys where instead of finding dates, you find other guys to go with you to the bar as mutual wingmen. Something like bromatch.com

hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Sunday, 13 February 2011 20:00 (eight years ago) link

Superchunk/Shakur mashup called 2pac-y For Kitty

gallagher 3 (latebloomer), Monday, 14 February 2011 18:54 (eight years ago) link

BAN VALENTINES DAY.

fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (Z S), Monday, 14 February 2011 23:25 (eight years ago) link

That's my idea

fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (Z S), Monday, 14 February 2011 23:26 (eight years ago) link

not terrible

uncle twikkelingssteurnissen (unregistered), Monday, 14 February 2011 23:31 (eight years ago) link

BAN HALLOWEEN

fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (Z S), Monday, 14 February 2011 23:50 (eight years ago) link

and replace it with "Mandatory Worship the Christian Lord Day"

fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (Z S), Monday, 14 February 2011 23:51 (eight years ago) link

terrible!

uncle twikkelingssteurnissen (unregistered), Tuesday, 15 February 2011 01:17 (eight years ago) link

transmit a secret message by changing your display name to the next word in the message every time you post. when the person wants ur secret message they search for posts by you, there it is.

Example: Hell (Matt P), Wednesday, 16 February 2011 20:32 (eight years ago) link

not a terrible idea.

a professional climbing axe is a rich man's toy (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 16 February 2011 22:01 (eight years ago) link

Doesn't actually seem so terrible when compared to Bulletstorm, but anyway... A driving videogame where all your opponent have explosive diarrhoea, and you get bonus points for making them crap themselves. Like for example you overtake one of them, then suddenly brake sharply. The bonuses could have really tasteless names, like the bonus for making an opponent crap themselves while you're both airborne would be called 'Brown Wings!'. Also the handling of the cars would gradually change during a race, as the amount of liquid sloshing around inside them increases.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 19 February 2011 10:41 (eight years ago) link

oh and the game would be called 'Skid Marks'

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Saturday, 19 February 2011 10:41 (eight years ago) link

a talking wristwatch that tells you what color stoats are.

just press the crown for a few seconds, and if it's summer, it will say, "stoats are brown, right now." if it's winter, it will say, "ermines are white, right now."

uncle twikkelingssteurnissen (unregistered), Sunday, 20 February 2011 03:12 (eight years ago) link

turning into an almond. I heard it is kinda nice but I think I'd regret it later.

my step dad calls my mom his precious stoat as a term of endearment.

peacocks, Sunday, 20 February 2011 04:47 (eight years ago) link

Posting to ilx while driving down I 75 sleepy cruise control.

Diy labotomy.

peacocks, Sunday, 20 February 2011 05:52 (eight years ago) link

Penny Dreadful - an Alice Cooper shock rock / steampunk crossover band.

but cheese and chips excites me (snoball), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 22:53 (eight years ago) link

three weeks pass...

bottled orange juice with a little toothpaste mixed into it, made for people who want to give up the carnal enjoyment of OJ during Lent but can't afford to miss out on its health benefits for a whole 40 days.

administratieve blunder (unregistered), Wednesday, 16 March 2011 03:28 (eight years ago) link

i'm gonna open a rap-themed waterpark just so we can name the killer whale 'biggie smalls'

― HOOStory is back. Fasten your steenbelts. (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Sunday, March 20, 2011 2:34 AM (20 hours ago) Bookmark

☠ (roxymuzak), Monday, 21 March 2011 02:50 (eight years ago) link

didn't even bother with that one

blingee cummings (J0rdan S.), Monday, 21 March 2011 02:51 (eight years ago) link

lol

☠ (roxymuzak), Monday, 21 March 2011 02:54 (eight years ago) link

Public Anenome

it's not in the Wu-Tang Manual (latebloomer), Monday, 21 March 2011 05:25 (eight years ago) link

CHALOP - oneohtrix point never / charlemagne palestine collaboration

kid 606: the nultness (nakhchivan), Thursday, 31 March 2011 22:58 (eight years ago) link

an 18" cheese circle that will be marketed to pizza places to be placed on crusts instead of shredded cheese

Kelsey Glamour (Nijoli), Tuesday, 5 April 2011 20:32 (eight years ago) link

terrible idea - posting to this thread to take the total number of posts on it from 666 to 667

:)

bamcquern, Tuesday, 5 April 2011 21:11 (eight years ago) link

comic saans - comic sans style font for typing afrikaans

★ The Pistns ★ Miss You Sheed ★ (dayo), Thursday, 7 April 2011 02:07 (eight years ago) link

boering idea

brownie, Thursday, 7 April 2011 02:25 (eight years ago) link

a book on marijuana use in europe 1000-1200 called "the high middle ages"

ogmor, Thursday, 7 April 2011 21:31 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Jizzee Paschal - Relevant gonzo flick in which Christ throatfucks Mary Magdalene accompanied by Wiewohl mein Herz in Tränen schwimmt

Some other race (nakhchivan), Friday, 22 April 2011 15:35 (eight years ago) link

A cover version of Man 2 Man & Man Parrish's 'Male Stripper', performed in a Yoda voice and re-titled 'I Was A Male Stripper On Dagobar'. The problem is that the word order would have to be re-arranged to accomodate Yoda's way of speaking: "Male stripper on Dagobah I was, mmm, yes!"

grill 'em bake 'em fry 'em burn 'em (snoball), Sunday, 24 April 2011 12:28 (eight years ago) link

The problem is that the word order

lol read this as "world order"

shamefully blowable (latebloomer), Sunday, 24 April 2011 20:22 (eight years ago) link

A sex magick themed restaurant where the names of all the menu items were sigils. You would envision the sigil of the desired item while participating in a sex magick ritual to order your food & drink. As soon as you 'finished,' the server would show up with the food you ordered.

offee is for losers only, do you not c? (Abbbottt), Sunday, 24 April 2011 20:36 (eight years ago) link

i kind of love that idea, abbott

eating california rolls of a dude's taint (the table is the table), Sunday, 24 April 2011 21:54 (eight years ago) link

or your new macbook?

forks (forksclovetofu), Monday, 25 April 2011 00:44 (eight years ago) link

punk band called 'case insensitive'

br8080 (dayo), Friday, 29 April 2011 02:20 (eight years ago) link

black metal band called Hell's Vetica

And thusly create the illusion of babby (forksclovetofu), Friday, 29 April 2011 04:21 (eight years ago) link

Mopey Emo ICP-alike called Comics Hans

And thusly create the illusion of babby (forksclovetofu), Friday, 29 April 2011 04:22 (eight years ago) link

Incomprehensible Lo-Fi indie band called Times New Viking

And thusly create the illusion of babby (forksclovetofu), Friday, 29 April 2011 04:23 (eight years ago) link

ha... ha?

Turn Off the Cold (Lamp), Friday, 29 April 2011 04:25 (eight years ago) link

haw

shamefully blowable (latebloomer), Friday, 29 April 2011 06:32 (eight years ago) link

"An American ILLogy": a song suite in which someone (Nas?) raps over samples of "Dixie", "All My Trials", and "Battle Hymn of the Republic".

every time you touch me (I get hives) (unregistered), Tuesday, 10 May 2011 05:41 (eight years ago) link

if Ice Cube were on the mic, they'd have to title it "An American TrilO.G.". same idea though.

every time you touch me (I get hives) (unregistered), Tuesday, 10 May 2011 05:49 (eight years ago) link

Ice Cube T

(fuck)

every time you touch me (I get hives) (unregistered), Tuesday, 10 May 2011 05:50 (eight years ago) link

kinda already done, bun b's third solo album was Trill O.G.

Stone Colde Sylke Freek (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 10 May 2011 16:18 (eight years ago) link

Parsifail - Novelty tumblr of amusing mishaps that befall the emigré Zoroastrian community

no xmas for jonchaies (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 10 May 2011 16:21 (eight years ago) link

a borges-like novel in which someone asks their friend a borderline uninteresting question about some past life experience...like, "when was the last time you ate caviar?"...and then the friend's answer continues on. for days. and the length of the entire novel.

so sort of in search of lost time meets my dinner with andre

dell (del), Friday, 20 May 2011 23:44 (eight years ago) link

I once started writing a short story which was supposed to be a sort of parody of borges's library of babel, except instead of being about an infinity of libraries it was an infinity of bathrooms. The only thing I remember about it was that people would be flushed down the toilet when they died and people wondered if the pipes lead to heaven. It was terrible.

peter in montreal, Saturday, 21 May 2011 21:30 (eight years ago) link

a guerilla art project in which roadkill or dead baby birds, earthworms, etc left on the street or sidewalks are outline traced in chalk and a miniature series of stanchions and POLICE DO NOT CROSS yellow tape is ringed around the scene

crazy donkey winger (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 21 May 2011 21:57 (eight years ago) link

^i may actually do this one sometime, copyright and trademark forks, creative commons license etc

crazy donkey winger (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 21 May 2011 21:58 (eight years ago) link

A band using only medieval instruments, singing songs about World of Warcraft, called Fat Lutes.

got a whole lotta gloves (snoball), Friday, 3 June 2011 07:26 (eight years ago) link

A range of designer police uniforms called Cop Aesthetic.

reverse the jelly baby of the neutron flow (onimo), Friday, 3 June 2011 12:18 (eight years ago) link

A Billy Idol song parody about Facebook, called "Books Without a Face"

dell (del), Tuesday, 7 June 2011 00:34 (eight years ago) link

a racist inflation fetish porn film titled Infinite Negress

gtforia estfufan (unregistered), Tuesday, 7 June 2011 04:29 (eight years ago) link

A Swiss Flavor Flav impersonator with a cuckoo clock around his neck.

got a whole lotta gloves (snoball), Tuesday, 7 June 2011 08:02 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

a movie called Green Intern, about a college sophomore who gets a summer internship at Greenpeace

dayo, Friday, 24 June 2011 12:51 (eight years ago) link

might work

latebloomer, Sunday, 26 June 2011 05:30 (eight years ago) link

A Buddhist grindcore band would be pretty awesome.

― been HOOS, where yyyou steene!? (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, March 10, 2009 11:03 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=UbcW5L91HzY#at=27

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 3 July 2011 18:12 (eight years ago) link

whoa

skinny arbuckle (latebloomer), Sunday, 3 July 2011 18:40 (eight years ago) link

i think i'm going to try to make a grindcore song in gargageband

dude, you're getting Adele! (markers), Sunday, 3 July 2011 18:44 (eight years ago) link

thank you for the inspiration

dude, you're getting Adele! (markers), Sunday, 3 July 2011 18:44 (eight years ago) link

an interview show hosted by kenneth the page in which he really plays up the naive hick angle called the golly gee show.

circles, Sunday, 3 July 2011 19:09 (eight years ago) link

i am actually in garageband right now trying to make a grindcore drum loop

dude, you're getting Adele! (markers), Sunday, 3 July 2011 19:24 (eight years ago) link

not doing too well in actually making this sound like it's from a grindcore song but it's intersting!!!

dude, you're getting Adele! (markers), Sunday, 3 July 2011 19:25 (eight years ago) link

'Small Man, Big Mouth Billy Bass' which is an animatronic fish that sings 80s hardcore songs

winsome posters leave the hall (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 3 July 2011 19:26 (eight years ago) link

take that one over to AWESOME IDEAS

skinny arbuckle (latebloomer), Sunday, 3 July 2011 20:29 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

JEEZ-ITS: regular cheezits cut into fourths and given out at communion to encourage younger kids to get excited about the tradition.

Kelsey Glamour (Nijoli), Tuesday, 19 July 2011 00:10 (eight years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCjQivTzOx8

sarahel, Tuesday, 19 July 2011 19:00 (eight years ago) link

They could also replace communion wine with Tizer.

Servants of the SBankh (snoball), Tuesday, 19 July 2011 21:18 (eight years ago) link

Jeez-its!

in an arrangement that mimics idiocy (Michael White), Tuesday, 19 July 2011 21:27 (eight years ago) link

wld consume body of

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 19 July 2011 21:47 (eight years ago) link

The body of Christ. Now with 50% more cheesiness!

in an arrangement that mimics idiocy (Michael White), Tuesday, 19 July 2011 21:49 (eight years ago) link

a short story about a character who can only derive sexual satisfaction from the drafting and especially signing of treaties

ogmor, Wednesday, 27 July 2011 19:47 (eight years ago) link

Treaty of Ver-sighs

Servants of the SBankh (snoball), Wednesday, 27 July 2011 20:09 (eight years ago) link

i guess ratification wld also do the trick.

ogmor, Wednesday, 27 July 2011 20:14 (eight years ago) link

The protagonist is a sub looking for someone to be Maa-strict.

Servants of the SBankh (snoball), Wednesday, 27 July 2011 20:16 (eight years ago) link

a quirky novel and/or indie film about the existential quandaries of a professional "restroom propaganda artist" who is paid by restaurants and other businesses to write flattering messages on the walls of toilet stalls.

latebloomer, Thursday, 28 July 2011 04:55 (eight years ago) link

and erase unflattering messages, of course

latebloomer, Thursday, 28 July 2011 04:55 (eight years ago) link

also: a chain of drive-thru sperm clinics called Jack Off in the Box

latebloomer, Thursday, 28 July 2011 04:58 (eight years ago) link

My terrible addition is that the film is titled Poop: the Jack Poop Story

future events are now current events (Z S), Thursday, 28 July 2011 12:13 (eight years ago) link

P:TJPS

latebloomer, Thursday, 28 July 2011 21:14 (eight years ago) link

hip hop mad libs

shaane, Saturday, 30 July 2011 15:36 (eight years ago) link

more terrible hip-hop lyric ideas:

something along the lines of rhyming "I got that orinoco flow like enya" with something about being a father to powerful style like kenya

didn't even have to use my akai (Hurting 2), Sunday, 31 July 2011 06:28 (eight years ago) link

the mad libs idea is fucking awesome. develop your blog/book deal now!

kkvgz, Sunday, 31 July 2011 11:21 (eight years ago) link

more terrible hip-hop lyric ideas:

something along the lines of rhyming "I got that orinoco flow like enya" with something about being a father to powerful style like kenya

― didn't even have to use my akai (Hurting 2), Sunday, July 31, 2011 7:28 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark

tellem

making ladies loco, flow like orinoco... ENYA

― free the charmless but occasionally brilliant Dom Passantino (history mayne), Thursday, January 14, 2010 2:35 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

only bad dog on the street (history mayne), Sunday, 31 July 2011 11:24 (eight years ago) link

An app that registers every site that you visit like last.fm and then when you are reading something that sucks according to a very specific criteria of coolness based on your own daily-visit-log gives you snarky one liners so you stop being boring. It will also suggest sites that are actually good for you. Eventually you will have it on your smartphone and the thing will alert / warn you of people that are not v.chill, uncool places to be, etc.

wolves lacan, Sunday, 31 July 2011 17:59 (eight years ago) link

u could call it DELAMER
i think there's money in that one

generous doler out of lollies (forksclovetofu), Monday, 1 August 2011 16:41 (eight years ago) link

a musical project where the songs of Karin Dreijer Andersson are remixed with samples from old Green Bay Packers broadcasts. I would call it Favre Ray.

why delonge face? (unregistered), Monday, 8 August 2011 00:30 (eight years ago) link

looool

kkvgz, Monday, 8 August 2011 11:56 (eight years ago) link

good job

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 8 August 2011 15:30 (eight years ago) link

recording a concept album of internet-themed songs including hits such as "(Get on Board) The World Wide Web", "Hangin' Out on Facebook", and "Do the Web 2.0 Shuffle"

dell (del), Monday, 8 August 2011 16:17 (eight years ago) link

and "I Got the YouTube Blues"

dell (del), Monday, 8 August 2011 16:17 (eight years ago) link

a streaming porn aggregator that allows you to choose by actor/actress/fetish/title/director and share key scenes with friends
"spoogify"

I'm a nerd and nerdy things happened (forksclovetofu), Friday, 12 August 2011 16:33 (eight years ago) link

1. The Piss Olympics-a series of games utilizing urine in some capacity

2. A comedian whose entire routine revolves around the Piss Olympics

thick-necked and hateful (latebloomer), Friday, 12 August 2011 16:37 (eight years ago) link

Châteaux and Windass - TV show following the controversial former Hull centre-forward as he tours the great names of Bordeaux, drinking straight from the bottle before prematurely concluding with a custodial sentence for glassing his stepson with an empty 85 Margaux

nakhchivan, Saturday, 13 August 2011 17:18 (eight years ago) link

lmfao, straight dying at the PISS OLYMPICS

Erin Go! Bwaaaah!!! (Whiney G. Weingarten), Saturday, 13 August 2011 17:28 (eight years ago) link

if i had a dime for every pee-pee olympics joke that i've heard in the past few years, then i would be able to afford this satchel of Depends that i'm pilfering

dell (del), Saturday, 13 August 2011 18:31 (eight years ago) link

Air Supply cover band inexplicably named "Air Jupply"

dell (del), Sunday, 14 August 2011 16:55 (eight years ago) link

+ they throw marmite sandwiches at the audience during the climax of "making love out of nothing at all"

dell (del), Sunday, 14 August 2011 16:57 (eight years ago) link

a sightseeing tour that brings people to the world's most famous holes/clusters/nasty shit. stopoff points would include the surinam toad, the lotus breast, the shredded hand, and the man who drills thousands of tiny holes in chicken eggs. I would call it the Trip 'o Phobia.

why delonge face? (unregistered), Monday, 15 August 2011 18:53 (eight years ago) link

a band called BUTT SOUNDS

steens furiously (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, 19 August 2011 04:52 (eight years ago) link

with shirts that say WHAT IS BUTT SOUNDS

steens furiously (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, 19 August 2011 04:53 (eight years ago) link

that's a great idea

mr peabody (moonship journey to baja), Friday, 19 August 2011 04:53 (eight years ago) link

partially inspired by a band i like called DIARRHEA PLANET

steens furiously (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, 19 August 2011 04:56 (eight years ago) link

Giallato: scariest ice cream ever

thick-necked and hateful (latebloomer), Thursday, 25 August 2011 16:24 (eight years ago) link

plot for episode of sitcom: person wants to get out of relationship, can't summon up what it takes to do it in a direct manner, so they begin to say and do unbelievably fucked-up racist things in hopes that their partner will be completely repelled. plan backfires when the s.o. turns out to be closet racist

dell (del), Friday, 26 August 2011 07:55 (eight years ago) link

you could call it "Cracka, Please!

dozens, maybe even hundreds, of vagina related screen names (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 27 August 2011 19:12 (eight years ago) link

A box set called '<insert name of long dead singer> - The Lost Recordings'. The box would be empty, because the recording are still lost. Alternatively, a set of blank cassettes with a note saying "Dear consumer, If you should come across the lost recordings of <insert name of long dead singer>, please copy them onto these blank tapes and send them to...".

three word displayname (snoball), Sunday, 4 September 2011 14:03 (eight years ago) link

Hostile takeover of Nabisco —> Jeez-its, the cracka that loves you back, and a picture of Jesus on the box.

shaane, Sunday, 4 September 2011 16:40 (eight years ago) link

lmao

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 4 September 2011 18:53 (eight years ago) link

at just quite how terrible that is

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 4 September 2011 18:53 (eight years ago) link

I've been showing it off all week.

shaane, Sunday, 4 September 2011 18:58 (eight years ago) link

A cover of East 17's "Alright" as covered by Jonathan Ross and Michael Barrymore.

It was a Thursday night. I was working late... (dog latin), Thursday, 8 September 2011 15:59 (eight years ago) link

a synthpop buzzband with a mystery vocalist who is later revealed to be George Michael. I would call it iamwham!whoami

giant glittering joyful returning elephant (unregistered), Sunday, 11 September 2011 18:13 (eight years ago) link

a reality show called Racist House

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Sunday, 11 September 2011 18:29 (eight years ago) link

a house filled with different kinds of racists of all ages from around the world, maybe they have a job they work together or something, something really simple, like running a lemonade stand

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Sunday, 11 September 2011 18:30 (eight years ago) link

best idea! such a good idea I'm crying.

kkvgz, Sunday, 11 September 2011 19:42 (eight years ago) link

Shoegazi - the Fugazi cover band with a lot of extra pedals.

occam's hellraiser (latebloomer), Monday, 12 September 2011 00:27 (eight years ago) link

yea uh ohs idea is the best idea

johnny crunch, Monday, 12 September 2011 00:45 (eight years ago) link

nij and i were driving past a little drive-thru place called "cuppy's" that's been abandoned a long time and decided we should split it. one side drive-thru tree identification, one side drive-thru antique kitchenware appraisal. and we'd leave the name "cuppy's"

the most astonishing writer on ilx (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 13 September 2011 02:32 (eight years ago) link

i think that was our best idea ever

Kelsey Glamour (Nijoli), Saturday, 17 September 2011 03:13 (eight years ago) link

<3 yall

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Saturday, 17 September 2011 03:14 (eight years ago) link

recording a version of "heartlight" by neil diamond, but with the lyrics changed to "put on your lovebeads"

dell (del), Sunday, 18 September 2011 16:39 (eight years ago) link

Cover of "Wichita Lineman" updated for the ISDN generation called "Digital Lineman" - vocoders, modem crackle during the breakdown etc...

Yo wait a minute man, you better think about the world (dog latin), Monday, 19 September 2011 09:43 (eight years ago) link

hahaha

the most astonishing writer on ilx (roxymuzak), Monday, 19 September 2011 11:34 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

http://i51.tinypic.com/2ag94p3.jpg

molds/stencils that you sit on during the act of pooping to produce star-shaped and heart-shaped and snowman-shaped poop logs.

giant glittering joyful returning elephant (unregistered), Wednesday, 5 October 2011 05:44 (eight years ago) link

Shit is real...
http://www.turdtwister.com/

PoMo with a shotgun (snoball), Wednesday, 5 October 2011 10:52 (eight years ago) link

shit is real!

thank you BIG HOOS, you brilliant god-man (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Wednesday, 5 October 2011 13:15 (eight years ago) link

I feel like all my best poop jokes have been done before. this is really distressing.

giant glittering joyful returning elephant (unregistered), Wednesday, 5 October 2011 13:37 (eight years ago) link

lmao xp

thank you BIG HOOS, you brilliant god-man (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Wednesday, 5 October 2011 13:37 (eight years ago) link

pooping my ass off

PoMo with a shotgun (snoball), Wednesday, 5 October 2011 13:44 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

a sequel to Home Alone starring a recently outed macaulay caulkin's efforts to fit into the gay community called Homolone

dayo, Thursday, 20 October 2011 12:01 (eight years ago) link

a macaulay caulkin movie about a post apocalyptic world where only one city in Utah survives called Provolone

brownie, Thursday, 20 October 2011 13:26 (eight years ago) link

Guest appearance on Simpsons where he borrows money from Bart's dad.

building a binary of hope (onimo), Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:17 (eight years ago) link

combination whitehead treatment/acupuncture clinic

loads of personality, loved to chase chickens (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 20 October 2011 17:15 (eight years ago) link

a sequel to Home Alone starring a recently outed macaulay caulkin's efforts to fit into the gay community called Homolone

― dayo, Thursday, October 20, 2011 12:01 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark

lol Scott Thompson of Kids in the Hall beat you to it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLQ91BDIR2o

lagerfeld of modern despots (latebloomer), Thursday, 20 October 2011 17:30 (eight years ago) link

Friends of Stryper - a charity run by personal friends of the Christian metal band Stryper. it would be a straightforward charity consisting of food pantries, homeless shelters, thrift shops, and fundraising events. the Friends would not feel the need to shove Stryper down people's throats, but they might slip the odd Stryper song into their Muzak playlists, offer free Stryper CDs and merch at their thrift shops, host Stryper Thursdays (main course: striped bass) at the food pantries, and occasionally get Stryper to play a benefit concert. when challenged about their connection to Stryper, the Friends would state that their main objective (laid out in their mission statement) was to help the poor, and promoting Stryper's music was really just a pleasant side effect of their honest humanitarian efforts.

axolotl rose (unregistered), Tuesday, 25 October 2011 17:44 (eight years ago) link

Defeat boredom by buying all the music you've been wanting for years by continually extending yourself credit when you don't realise quite how precarious a situation that is. You've just got yourself stranded in a place where you can't visit shops too frequently. yeah get everything mailorder.
Then someday that credit line snaps.

GREAT IDEA

Stevolende, Tuesday, 25 October 2011 19:12 (eight years ago) link

a sequel to Home Alone starring a recently outed macaulay caulkin's efforts to fit into the gay community called Homolone

― dayo, Thursday, October 20, 2011 6:01 AM (5 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

a macaulay caulkin movie about a post apocalyptic world where only one city in Utah survives called Provolone

― brownie, Thursday, October 20, 2011 7:26 AM (5 days ago) Bookmark

lol'ing hard at both

kelpolaris, Wednesday, 26 October 2011 00:03 (eight years ago) link

I feel like provolone is a very Utahan cheese!!

fried chicken makes Alex cry, who'd vote for such a wimpy guy? (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 26 October 2011 00:35 (eight years ago) link

That and Cojack.

fried chicken makes Alex cry, who'd vote for such a wimpy guy? (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 26 October 2011 00:35 (eight years ago) link

aka "colby jack"

fried chicken makes Alex cry, who'd vote for such a wimpy guy? (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 26 October 2011 00:35 (eight years ago) link

'umbrella condoms' - giant condoms for putting an umbrella into when it's wet

cheque out my debit to building society (snoball), Thursday, 27 October 2011 08:29 (eight years ago) link

They hand those out in clothes shops round these parts.

antiautodefenestrationism (ledge), Thursday, 27 October 2011 08:59 (eight years ago) link

^^yeah that's standard practice in hk

dayo, Thursday, 27 October 2011 11:18 (eight years ago) link

there is even an umbrella condom machine for big and small sizes

dayo, Thursday, 27 October 2011 11:18 (eight years ago) link

Testi-cools - a range of underwear for men that have those cooling gel packs sewn into them, to prevent your scrotum overheating and getting stuck to your legs.

cheque out my debit to building society (snoball), Thursday, 27 October 2011 11:25 (eight years ago) link

NSFW umbrella condom ad
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dgyKiCe3xQ

cheque out my debit to building society (snoball), Thursday, 27 October 2011 11:27 (eight years ago) link

i'm coming back to my idea of a dog zoo, where all the animals are adoptable. some exhibits might include

the golden forest of various retrievers
the low rollling hummock of collies
the corgi lab (replete with labcoats)
the low-key self-motivated racetrack for retired grayhounds in which the mechanical rabbits are made out of cheese and are occasionally catchable

turkey in the straw (x2) (remy bean), Thursday, 27 October 2011 11:29 (eight years ago) link

The TV commercial for Testi-Cools could use 'Blue Suede Shoes', but with different lyrics:

Do anything
that you wanna do
but uh-huh honey, stay off of my 'Cools
Oh don't you, step on my Testi-Cools
You can do anything,
but stay off of my Testi-Cools

cheque out my debit to building society (snoball), Thursday, 27 October 2011 11:36 (eight years ago) link

Corgi lab A+ idea

They're coming to get you, (Jenny), Thursday, 27 October 2011 12:33 (eight years ago) link

Veblen of Luxembourg ™ - Luxury personal lifestyle brand selling gold signature-embossed ivory shoehorns and diamond cognac decanters

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 21:29 (eight years ago) link

Most of my terrible ideas are actually just terrible puns for business names. This morning I briefly thought "Esprit Decor" was a good name for an interior design firm, but it's terrible.

Not only is it terrible, Google informs me it's also terribly unoriginal by a margin of about 40000 results.

a guy called Gerard (onimo), Thursday, 3 November 2011 12:03 (eight years ago) link

A pay-by-the-hour philospher service combined with a horse stables, called 'Putting Decartes Before The Horse'.

asked Dermot O'Leary, but he couldn't help me either. They call me the (snoball), Thursday, 3 November 2011 12:37 (eight years ago) link

booooooo

google sluething so hard right now (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:33 (eight years ago) link

A public service broadcast campaign called "Tough Luck, You're Doing It"

Glo-Vember (dog latin), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:09 (eight years ago) link

A pay-by-the-hour philospher service combined with a horse stables, called 'Putting Decartes Before The Horse'.

― asked Dermot O'Leary, but he couldn't help me either. They call me the (snoball), Thursday, November 3, 2011 12:37 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

ayyy

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:12 (eight years ago) link

two months pass...

Emmett Amish Jugband Christmas

Kelsey Glamour (Nijoli), Friday, 6 January 2012 12:58 (eight years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Small, chic eatery called Gruel -- sells bowls of a high end version of the titular substance. No utencils and you have to sit on the floor.

frogBaSeball (Hurting 2), Sunday, 29 January 2012 22:52 (seven years ago) link

A cover of 10cc's 'The Things We Do For Love', dubstep style with suitably amended lyrics and retitled 'The Things We Do For Wub'.

insert 2012 appropriate display name here (snoball), Sunday, 29 January 2012 23:01 (seven years ago) link

call it Grool with a backwards capital G and you're golden xp

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Sunday, 29 January 2012 23:04 (seven years ago) link

Give the interior a school theme and call it Grool Skool?

insert 2012 appropriate display name here (snoball), Sunday, 29 January 2012 23:30 (seven years ago) link

And the adverts could be fronted by Mr. T.

insert 2012 appropriate display name here (snoball), Sunday, 29 January 2012 23:31 (seven years ago) link

"I pity the fool who doesn't eat at Grool Skool. Becuase it rools."

Also, another series of ads could be fronted by Dave Grohl, except the board of directors of the company that owned the Grool Skool chain would make him change his name to Dave Groooooohl.

insert 2012 appropriate display name here (snoball), Sunday, 29 January 2012 23:40 (seven years ago) link

i got tons of restaurants

hhhhhh Bill I juste like ertronic thinges (NZA), Monday, 30 January 2012 00:15 (seven years ago) link

salad daze - we only serve salads lol

hhhhhh Bill I juste like ertronic thinges (NZA), Monday, 30 January 2012 00:15 (seven years ago) link

snackball - a food game (maybe for kids?) which involves things like meatballs and grapes which can be thrown, through hoops or bounced off targets, into people's mouths

hhhhhh Bill I juste like ertronic thinges (NZA), Monday, 30 January 2012 00:16 (seven years ago) link

a mexican buffet called GORDOS

hhhhhh Bill I juste like ertronic thinges (NZA), Monday, 30 January 2012 00:17 (seven years ago) link

love the gruel idea

fuckhead (latebloomer), Monday, 30 January 2012 09:39 (seven years ago) link

Children's Fables for the Web2.0 era: Google Docs and the Three Bears

I want your nose, your shoes and your unicycle (dog latin), Monday, 30 January 2012 10:07 (seven years ago) link

Porn starring Merryl Streep entitled "Streep Throat"

happiness is the new productivity (Hurting 2), Monday, 6 February 2012 22:41 (seven years ago) link

Streep Throat! omg.

Kelsey Glamour (Nijoli), Thursday, 9 February 2012 18:07 (seven years ago) link

A website for people to find others with complimentary fetishes. For example, people into sploshing could be matched up with people who have a housework fetish.

White 'Poop' Jesus (snoball), Tuesday, 14 February 2012 21:33 (seven years ago) link

a box set of TV shows that were canceled after one episode

flopson and jetsam (unregistered), Thursday, 16 February 2012 20:03 (seven years ago) link

i know they've had festivals/showings of cool/weird pilots that didn't get picked up

congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 16 February 2012 20:29 (seven years ago) link

A Madonna tribute act called Whore Complex.

the feeling is surreal (snoball), Wednesday, 29 February 2012 15:03 (seven years ago) link

Bait shop called SQUID PRO QUO

a serious minestrone rockist (remy bean), Wednesday, 29 February 2012 22:12 (seven years ago) link

hair salon called FUCK YOU, IT'S HAIR!

Totes le Héros (contenderizer), Thursday, 1 March 2012 23:24 (seven years ago) link

a reality show in which participants have to compete in losing weight, singing, cooking gourmet meals, dancing with celebrities, and designing fashionable outfits; meanwhile, their homes are being redecorated

congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 8 March 2012 17:39 (seven years ago) link

it's called 'BRAVO'

a serious minestrone rockist (remy bean), Thursday, 8 March 2012 17:43 (seven years ago) link

An all-female Iron Maiden tribute act called Irony Maiden. Who all wear Margaret Thatcher masks.

rain came down like water falling from the clouds (snoball), Friday, 9 March 2012 16:53 (seven years ago) link

that is a great idea

horseshoe, Friday, 9 March 2012 16:54 (seven years ago) link

Thanks!
Therefore posting it on the 'terrible ideas' thread was a terrible idea...

rain came down like water falling from the clouds (snoball), Friday, 9 March 2012 17:44 (seven years ago) link

you can't really go wrong on this thread

enjoy your fleetfoxesocracy sheeple (latebloomer), Saturday, 10 March 2012 08:36 (seven years ago) link

An 80's era Genesis tribute band from Holland called Invisible Dutch.

a dramatic lemon curd experience (snoball), Saturday, 17 March 2012 18:11 (seven years ago) link

This Easter, let's all revert to Twitter Egg avatars and DM each other.

Pinktits, Saturday, 17 March 2012 19:34 (seven years ago) link

A sitcom about an Alan B'stard type character who works for a company based in 30 St Mary Axe, called 'Jerk In The Gherkin'.

a dramatic lemon curd experience (snoball), Sunday, 25 March 2012 07:43 (seven years ago) link

"Poultry in Motion" - a conveyor belt type restaurant that serves all manner of cooked birds

we are not bemused (onimo), Wednesday, 4 April 2012 11:06 (seven years ago) link

get some rich person to pay me to spend 2 years completely alone, freaking out and making art

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Sunday, 15 April 2012 04:25 (seven years ago) link

that's a good idea!

boy, was that Dan Fielding hungry for some cake! (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 15 April 2012 05:22 (seven years ago) link

Commercialise the poopsock. The adverts could use a version of The B-52s' 'Love Shack' with new lyrics:

Poopsock
baby, poopsock

folks lining up outside just to poop down

poopin' in-a-sock
POOPING in a SOCK!

Cheggers Plays Populous (snoball), Sunday, 15 April 2012 18:04 (seven years ago) link

I have been singing this to myself all day, so I'm sure that it's a good idea.

Cheggers Plays Populous (snoball), Sunday, 15 April 2012 18:04 (seven years ago) link

While standing on a street corner in the commercial district.

Cheggers Plays Populous (snoball), Sunday, 15 April 2012 18:05 (seven years ago) link

I had an idea this morning for a 'raunchy stand-up comic for babies'

It's basically a guy who speaks with an Andrew Dice Clay cadence, and uses variations the catch phrase "cock-a-doodly-freakin-doo"

Like "So I had this rooster. Then I ate it. Cock-a-doodly-doo!"
"Then I had this pig. Now it's lunchmeat! Cock-a-doodly-doodly-freakin-doo!"

i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 25 April 2012 02:05 (seven years ago) link

A cover of 'Bite It, You Scum' with the vocals processed through a Dalek voice effect.

ILX uh-huh-uh uh-huh uh-huh BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP (snoball), Sunday, 29 April 2012 21:38 (seven years ago) link

vj ted talks for posi ppl

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Monday, 30 April 2012 08:10 (seven years ago) link

TED talks, full stop.

"in this super-sexy postracial age" (forksclovetofu), Monday, 30 April 2012 16:24 (seven years ago) link

'Last Tango In Paris' - a short film following a desperate American tourist who is trying to find the last available can of fizzy orange soda in the city.

'scuse me, while I Rim the Sky... (snoball), Wednesday, 2 May 2012 08:04 (seven years ago) link

Do you mean "Last Faygo in Paris"?

how's life, Wednesday, 2 May 2012 11:52 (seven years ago) link

That's the US title.

'scuse me, while I Rim the Sky... (snoball), Wednesday, 2 May 2012 12:54 (seven years ago) link

A Rifftr4x type product for pr0n movies.

'scuse me, while I Rim the Sky... (snoball), Sunday, 6 May 2012 13:16 (seven years ago) link

Suture Self, a store which sells "repair kits" for the human body, allowing people to circumvent stupid doctors and hospitals.

You Don't Throw Oranges On An Escalator (Deric W. Haircare), Sunday, 6 May 2012 14:09 (seven years ago) link

Wake N Parm - a chain restaurant that sells Chicken/Eggplant/Meatball/Veal Parmigiana sandwiches only for breakfast

(Name Withheld to Avoid Hassle) (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 6 May 2012 16:23 (seven years ago) link

a strong packaging adhesive which dries to a hardened state, but when subjected to sustained sonic vibrations will undergo a phase change back into a pliable gel state.

this will result in interactive consumer product experiences like a pack of gum which cannot be opened unless you hold it up to your face and yell at it for like three or four minutes. target demo is mostly kids and anyone who doesn't hate fun.

slugbuggy, Sunday, 6 May 2012 21:13 (seven years ago) link

This is secretly a good idea, but I'm writing it here so I have it on record:

A mafia-style sandwich shop called Baguette About It

Scary Move 4 (dog latin), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 16:13 (seven years ago) link

Also an ambient act specialising in covers of the Northern Songs back catalogue called The Beatless.

Scary Move 4 (dog latin), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 16:14 (seven years ago) link

Family Band: a photography business that specializes in family portraits posed in the style of band photos. Like mother, father and children staggered in the foreground and background, looking in different directions, in an abandoned warehouse.

Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 16:20 (seven years ago) link

You could even do portraits in the style of famous band photos/album covers, e.g. family zipping up flies after pissing on a giant concrete thingy.

Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 16:22 (seven years ago) link

^ such a not terrible idea. everybody should be quiet riot, the runaways or van halen though.

10. “Pour Some Sugar On Me” – Tom Cruise (contenderizer), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 05:37 (seven years ago) link

Actually, yeah... I kind of like that idea.

emil.y, Wednesday, 9 May 2012 13:00 (seven years ago) link

hmm...

Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 13:24 (seven years ago) link

a compilation of laid-back songs from the southern islands of Greece. I would call it DIS CRETE MUSIC.

NO TBEAUTIFUL : - (unregistered), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 19:25 (seven years ago) link

a sexy R&B-tinged slow jam band called NSFW

Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Friday, 11 May 2012 19:12 (seven years ago) link

A Junkyard Wars/Scrapheap Challenge type TV show where the teams have to make computers out of garbage, called 'Byte My Junk'.

banal like anal (snoball), Saturday, 12 May 2012 08:58 (seven years ago) link

— We should record an a capella version of The KLF Chill out

— Please stop talking

thomp, Wednesday, 16 May 2012 16:20 (seven years ago) link

A "lighting round" version of Is This Racist?

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Friday, 18 May 2012 15:23 (seven years ago) link

did i mention this already? my terrible idea is to sell running shoes that don't look like they were designed by an 8-year old. i.e., they don't have a bunch of intersecting neon green lines on both sides. afaik, no one has ever attempted to make a running shoe that isn't completely embarrassing

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 18:40 (seven years ago) link

i will attempt to make a running shoe that does not look like this

http://sidomoro.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/running-shoes.jpg

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 18:40 (seven years ago) link

although you know what might improve that shoe, right there? one more flashy stripe running down the side

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 18:41 (seven years ago) link

actually there's a bunch of blank space near the tip of the shoe, i bet a few stripes could be placed there as well

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 18:42 (seven years ago) link

just do it already

jump them into a gang - into the absurd (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 20:11 (seven years ago) link

the problem is that i'm not sure how to assemble a shoe, let alone one that can properly cushion a runner's foot.

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 20:20 (seven years ago) link

A Battlestar Galactica 1980 / Mission Impossible crossover.
"Your mission, Apollo, should you choose to accept it,
(...)
If you or any of your team are caught or killed, the white haired dude from Bonanza will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This highly sophisticated piece of alien technology disguised as a primitive 20th recording device will self destruct in 5 centons."

Radical Jedward (snoball), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 07:31 (seven years ago) link

Since everyone watches pr0n on the internet these days instead of on videotape, an art installation made from stacks of VHS pr0n tapes. I would call it... Pr0nhenge.

Radical Jedward (snoball), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 07:31 (seven years ago) link

a website that allows people to illustrate driving scenarios by inputting a few parameters. it would generate images like this one:

http://i46.tinypic.com/smzu6e.png

you could create stationary diagrams as well as animated gifs. the site would host the images so you could post them to hate sites like ilxor.com and complain about disgusting savages who shouldn't be allowed behind the wheel. the site itself would be a social network for neurotic drivers. I'd give it a vintage Web 2.0 name like MyCrashSpace.com.

barman's bar mitz (unregistered), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 18:06 (seven years ago) link

how would the params work?

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 30 May 2012 18:13 (seven years ago) link

ok, so there's already draw.accidentsketch.com/, but it's not optimized for social networking. my site/app would have a like/dislike button (I'm thinking a system where you could vote for which driver was at fault), comment sections for each diagram, and fake petitions to get rid of annoying traffic lights. there'd be a Facebook tie-in and iPhone app and stuff.

how would the params work?

I'd probably just steal draw.accidentsketch.com's system, where you can just drag graphic building blocks into the picture (or into each frame, if it's an animated gif).

barman's bar mitz (unregistered), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 18:15 (seven years ago) link

there'd be a text-based param interface too, but I'm not sure how that would work. there'd have to be a way to animate traffic lights (green for 3 seconds, yellow for ½ second, red for 90 seconds), for one thing.

I figure most of the people who used this thing would be irrational hotheads who'd drew up every scenario to make themselves look like amazing drivers surrounded by idiots/haters, so there'd have to be a way to create diagrams that wouldn't even be possible in real life.

barman's bar mitz (unregistered), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 18:24 (seven years ago) link

Family Band: a photography business that specializes in family portraits posed in the style of band photos. Like mother, father and children staggered in the foreground and background, looking in different directions, in an abandoned warehouse.

You could even do portraits in the style of famous band photos/album covers, e.g. family zipping up flies after pissing on a giant concrete thingy.

― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, May 8, 2012 4:22 PM (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

What does it say about me that after reading "Family Band" the first thing that came to mind was Black Flag's Family Man.

Boy Georbison (EDB), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 18:36 (seven years ago) link

that's a good idea unreg

jump them into a gang - into the absurd (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 20:48 (seven years ago) link

A new Blackberry tablet that has a scale blackberry keyboard instead of a touchscreen

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Thursday, 31 May 2012 15:40 (seven years ago) link

That would make the keyboard almost usable...

Radical Jedward (snoball), Thursday, 31 May 2012 15:41 (seven years ago) link

how about a zx spectrum style rubber keyboard you could stick on top of any tablet?

the fey monster (ledge), Thursday, 31 May 2012 15:45 (seven years ago) link

That's a terrible terrible idea - loads of people would buy that.

Radical Jedward (snoball), Thursday, 31 May 2012 16:00 (seven years ago) link

hopfeully someone here will steal it so i don't either have to go to the trouble of making it happen, or forever curse my failure for doing so.

the fey monster (ledge), Thursday, 31 May 2012 16:01 (seven years ago) link

I just like the image of a tablet that's just a large scale blackberry w half the body taken up by a keyboard

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Thursday, 31 May 2012 16:02 (seven years ago) link

xp phew, i'm relieved of my burden:
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1030552097/ikeyboard-0

the fey monster (ledge), Thursday, 31 May 2012 16:05 (seven years ago) link

It's not how I imagined it. I was picturing something more like an actual ZX Spectrum keyboard.

Radical Jedward (snoball), Thursday, 31 May 2012 17:09 (seven years ago) link

Actually that would be more like a Z88.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a2/Cambridge-Z88.png/640px-Cambridge-Z88.png

Radical Jedward (snoball), Thursday, 31 May 2012 17:10 (seven years ago) link

that kickstarter thing must be hugely unsatisfying. you'd get the rough look of a keyboard but you'd go insane pining for the tactile sensation of pressing actual keys. or maybe you already get that feeling when you use the iPad the right way. I dunno.

barman's bar mitz (unregistered), Thursday, 31 May 2012 17:13 (seven years ago) link

UP 'n' ATM: a cash machine for elevators

a permanent embarrassment and an occasional disgrace (onimo), Friday, 1 June 2012 09:27 (seven years ago) link

Pretty sure they already have these in Las Vegas or some other heavy gambling place like that.

Radical Jedward (snoball), Friday, 1 June 2012 10:21 (seven years ago) link

ah but do they have a shitty pun as a product name?

a permanent embarrassment and an occasional disgrace (onimo), Friday, 1 June 2012 11:21 (seven years ago) link

in college I wanted to start a vegan drunk food chain called Tofuck U.

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Friday, 8 June 2012 20:47 (seven years ago) link

a colleague's terrible idea: a vacation photographer (in the same way you'd hire a wedding photog). you'd give instructions as to what kind of shots you wanted and then you'd just go about your vacation and they'd do the work. you could even have options as to how arty or basic you wanted it, how much posed stuff, how much of you vs the locale, even if you wanted him/her to act like a paparazzo. this would be for rich ppl obv.

goole, Friday, 8 June 2012 20:56 (seven years ago) link

xp; Cluck U would probably have a problem with that.

how's life, Friday, 8 June 2012 20:56 (seven years ago) link

well tofuck them

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Friday, 8 June 2012 21:07 (seven years ago) link

hahaha I like the vaction photog. You could just give them an itinerary so they can show up *unexpected* instead of tagging along with you.

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Friday, 8 June 2012 21:10 (seven years ago) link

it would be neat to hire a stand in to actually go on vacation for you, too! then you could instruct the photographer to take a lot of silhouette kind of shots, don't focus on the face too much, and send your vacation results to your baffled friends and family!

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Friday, 8 June 2012 21:13 (seven years ago) link

a McDonald's burger made out of horsemeat, called The McWhinny. sure, at first McDonald's marketing executives will think it's a terrible name for a burger. "why not name it The McYummy or The McZesty?" they'll say. "something to hide the fact that it's made out of horsemeat." but I think if they hire Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper from TV's "The Wonder Years") to endorse the burger, they can distract the public from the idea that "whinny" refers to horses. it might only work for a few months tops, but later they can move on to Winnie the Pooh promotions or just generic slogans based on the concept of winning. when it seems like people are starting to catch on, they can just retire the burger and deny everything.

barman's bar mitz (unregistered), Friday, 8 June 2012 23:01 (seven years ago) link

"why not name it The McYummy or The McZesty?" they'll say. "something to hide the fact that it's made out of horsemeat."

hahahaha

Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Saturday, 9 June 2012 20:14 (seven years ago) link

An arty WWII-period film about drag queens called "Closely Watched Trannies"

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Sunday, 10 June 2012 03:40 (seven years ago) link

- Break into as many houses as possible and steal any box of Lucky Charms you find. Leave the kitchen cabinet and front doors wide open. Continue until city is in an uproar and the heat is on to you.

- The following year, break into as many houses as possible and rip open every cereal box you find. Be named 'Cereal Killer' by journos.

- The year after that, get caught breaking into someone's house dressed as Capt Crunch. The next year, read in prison about copycat pranksters.

shaane, Sunday, 10 June 2012 17:14 (seven years ago) link

Reboot of 'Murder, She Wrote' starring Kate Mulgrew.

George Peppard Steak (snoball), Tuesday, 12 June 2012 07:56 (seven years ago) link

Qween - a combined Ween and Queen cover band.

George Peppard Steak (snoball), Tuesday, 12 June 2012 08:04 (seven years ago) link

A maths themed bar called 'The Square Root', advertised with the slogan 'Be there or b squared'.

Meet the G that Skrilled me... (snoball), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 13:39 (seven years ago) link

<3 this thread

click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Friday, 22 June 2012 19:43 (seven years ago) link

going to random memorial websites and posting surreal, barely literate anecdotes about the deceased in the guestbooks. nothing profane, just the kind of weird stories mourners tell when they're trying to remember the good times and have a bittersweet laugh ("HE SAID 'YOU'LL COUGH UP THAT OLD RAT SKULL WITHIN AN HOUR,' AND BY GOSH HE WAS RIGHT! THAT'S JOE FOR YA, RIP BIG MAN YOU ARE MISSED"). I'd pretend to be an old schoolmate or hunting buddy, and I'd keep the tone respectful enough and the circumstances vague enough that the person's loved ones couldn't quite tell whether they were being trolled, and they'd feel obligated to take the stories in good faith.

starfish succulents (unregistered), Saturday, 23 June 2012 04:12 (seven years ago) link

^this is what i hope/expect for my own funeral. pls don't be kind.

shaane, Saturday, 23 June 2012 05:33 (seven years ago) link

terrible idea

Eyeball Kicks, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 00:51 (seven years ago) link

Scottish L7 tribute band called Pretend We're Deed.

Jeff Goldblum is watching you, pope! (snoball), Thursday, 5 July 2012 07:15 (seven years ago) link

a colleague's terrible idea: a vacation photographer (in the same way you'd hire a wedding photog). you'd give instructions as to what kind of shots you wanted and then you'd just go about your vacation and they'd do the work. you could even have options as to how arty or basic you wanted it, how much posed stuff, how much of you vs the locale, even if you wanted him/her to act like a paparazzo. this would be for rich ppl obv.

― goole, Friday, June 8, 2012 4:56 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

uhh...

http://live.wsj.com/video/dont-forget-to-pack-a-photographer/DA606752-74E7-4A2F-AB24-205B3F9C9766.html?mod=wsj_hps_tboright#!DA606752-74E7-4A2F-AB24-205B3F9C9766

click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Monday, 9 July 2012 13:21 (seven years ago) link

believe me we've been hearing about that article all week.

goole, Monday, 9 July 2012 13:50 (seven years ago) link

Dude tell your friend next time he has a terrible idea he needs to act fast.

click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Monday, 9 July 2012 14:27 (seven years ago) link

It's also one of those things that almost makes me want to quote baudrillard. Like back in college I probably would have written a pretentious essay about it for the campus weekly.

click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Monday, 9 July 2012 14:28 (seven years ago) link

oversized black tee with a stop sign graphic and giant white block letters: "STOP SCHVITZIN'"

Will Chave (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 July 2012 22:21 (seven years ago) link

street fiction for yuppies: crude self-published novels sold off of sidewalk tables, with titles like "Brownstone Betrayal" and "Hot Yoga"

Will Chave (Hurting 2), Thursday, 19 July 2012 16:30 (seven years ago) link

would buy

Ówen P., Thursday, 19 July 2012 16:32 (seven years ago) link

a post-punk supergroup called Your Granny on Bongos, made up of all surviving former members of The Fall

starfish succulents (unregistered), Sunday, 22 July 2012 18:46 (seven years ago) link

'Dub! Step! Beyond!' - an album of Madness covers done dubstep style.

Jeremy Clarkson Sex Face (snoball), Sunday, 29 July 2012 19:00 (seven years ago) link

a bar with a mcdonald's-style play area for kids of patrons

congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 31 July 2012 16:12 (seven years ago) link

they exist. they are truly terrible.

http://www.pub-restaurant.co.uk/wacky_warehouse.tpl

ledge, Tuesday, 31 July 2012 16:15 (seven years ago) link

i have honestly never seen a more soulless place for drinking

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3139/2943676381_917d343f8d.jpg

ledge, Tuesday, 31 July 2012 16:18 (seven years ago) link

"PJ Stinky's Drinkatorium and Fun Time Wullaballoo"

I dont even know that I think this sucks per se (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 31 July 2012 20:38 (seven years ago) link

It looks like a Wells Fargo

Crabbits, Wednesday, 1 August 2012 13:51 (seven years ago) link

a supergroup crew of veteran rappers (like late 80s cutoff) called "Old Money"

Will Chave (Hurting 2), Sunday, 5 August 2012 18:04 (seven years ago) link

A sequel to Lord of the Flies in which the boys, now adults, reunite in Norway

Lord of the Flies 2: Fjord of Lies

Will Chave (Hurting 2), Thursday, 9 August 2012 15:39 (seven years ago) link

An idea for a 16-Bit platform game called 'Monsieur LeBouffe" in which the title character has to escape from a large eatery or opera house set in early 20th century America. Control Mr LeBouffe as he avoids angry chefs, snooty waiters and handbag waving opera dames in order to eat the most patisserie cakes. There's a level set on a ferry boat and a level set in a barbershop where you have to jump over flying scissors.

Quickly, take hold of my hand, asshole! (dog latin), Thursday, 9 August 2012 15:44 (seven years ago) link

Daft Punk Indian Cookbook called 'Cumin After All'

Quickly, take hold of my hand, asshole! (dog latin), Thursday, 9 August 2012 15:57 (seven years ago) link

A+

Will Chave (Hurting 2), Thursday, 9 August 2012 15:59 (seven years ago) link

omg

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Thursday, 9 August 2012 16:09 (seven years ago) link

featuring the hit recipe "Hotter Pepper Fatter Sambar"

Will Chave (Hurting 2), Thursday, 9 August 2012 16:14 (seven years ago) link

kudos

I dont even know that I think this sucks per se (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 9 August 2012 23:19 (seven years ago) link

a t-shirt with a pocket right in the middle. centered on the sternum.

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Monday, 13 August 2012 21:08 (seven years ago) link

back when cargo pants were ubiquitous (and universally awful) I had the idea to make a variation with the pockets upside down.

bert yansh (Hurting 2), Monday, 13 August 2012 21:13 (seven years ago) link

just to emphasize the stupidity of the fashion, I guess

bert yansh (Hurting 2), Monday, 13 August 2012 21:13 (seven years ago) link

cargo pants are great for when you reaaaaally need to carry a bunch of jewels and you're in a hurry

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Monday, 13 August 2012 21:20 (seven years ago) link

belt suspenders combo

I dont even know that I think this sucks per se (forksclovetofu), Monday, 13 August 2012 21:58 (seven years ago) link

Reading Desperate Characters now. Certainly some striking similarities to the LJ Davis, but I find it much richer and more beautifully written. I almost wanted to start a separate thread on "gentrification novels." I actually had this kind of deadpan ironic idea to make a book set called "The Brownstone Novels" and it could feature A Meaningful Life, Fortress of Solitude, Desperate Characters, idk something by Amy Sohn, and whatever else, and the spines would have the facades of brownstones on them, so they fit together like a little Brooklyn block. And of course every book would have an introduction by Jonathan Lethem, and there would also be an essay for the whole set by Jonathan Lethem, because Jonathan Lethem has some kind of lifetime contract that gives him right of first refusal on the introduction for any book about brooklyn or brownstones.

― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Tuesday, August 14, 2012 9:50 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

bert yansh (Hurting 2), Friday, 17 August 2012 16:45 (seven years ago) link

Creating a youtube character who creates "response" videos to stupid conservative, racist, sexist, etc. youtube rants that just consist of me repeating back the entire rant verbatim in a mock-stupid voice (you know, the voice that little kids use to make fun of each other that I want to call, for lack of a more appropriate term, the "retard" voice).

look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 01:00 (seven years ago) link

^kind of love this epic trolling idea

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 01:42 (seven years ago) link

yeah, I actually kind of like it too. it's more a terrible idea for me to actually do it

look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 01:53 (seven years ago) link

if you have a kid have the kid do it

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 02:17 (seven years ago) link

except uh not the racist or sexist ones I guess

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 02:18 (seven years ago) link

Turin Shroud tea towels, bedsheets, etc.

Ich fart auf der Zug (snoball), Tuesday, 4 September 2012 09:35 (seven years ago) link

I'll fix my camera when I 'm already feeling drained by the flu. So it's sitting there taken apart and probably corrupting. Shit, loved having that thing.

Stevolende, Tuesday, 4 September 2012 09:55 (seven years ago) link

A collaboration between the Art of Noise and Terry Wogan called 'Close to the Edjit'.

Ich fart auf der Zug (snoball), Tuesday, 4 September 2012 11:04 (seven years ago) link

(and such a collaboration would be dumb, dumb, d-dumb-dumb dumb-dumb dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, la-la-la!)

Ich fart auf der Zug (snoball), Tuesday, 4 September 2012 17:19 (seven years ago) link

A kids' softball movie about a roguish coach who rounds up nine scrappy kids and leads them to T-ball success. At the end it's revealed that he knocked up all their moms within months of each other and he's actually the father of all nine players. The movie is called Absent Tee.

ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Sunday, 9 September 2012 21:28 (seven years ago) link

haha, I like it

look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 September 2012 00:35 (seven years ago) link

Does he knock up all the moms before the season, and that's why he puts this particular crew of kids on the same team? Or is that they're all on the same team, and THEN he knocks up all of their mothers? It's important because if it's the former he's a Don Juan with a heart of gold, but of it's the latter he'll just knock up any mom who is nearby.

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Monday, 10 September 2012 00:43 (seven years ago) link

There could be a kid who rides the bench, and he's the only one whose mom didn't get knocked up. But at the end the coach knocks her up to, the kid gets substituted into the game and makes a diving catch to save the day!

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Monday, 10 September 2012 00:44 (seven years ago) link

I think you're missing an important element of the original synopsis.

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 10 September 2012 00:50 (seven years ago) link

lol

look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 September 2012 01:03 (seven years ago) link

I think the film would also almost inevitably follow a plot arc whereby the team makes it to the t-ball world series, but then right before they're supposed to play in the championship, the moms find out and pull their kids, and the guy goes back to his little trailer home all dejected, but then there's a kind of climactic moment where one kid shows up at the trailer with his mom, and then a second, and then a third, etc.

look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 September 2012 01:08 (seven years ago) link

Oh man, I am such a doofus tonight. Ok, so he fathered them all back in his vibrant youth. I still think he should knock up the benchrider's mom though

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Monday, 10 September 2012 01:19 (seven years ago) link

a grill-brush shaped like skrillex called the Grill-X

look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Friday, 14 September 2012 20:32 (seven years ago) link

I'm going to teach my daughter to say "allahu akbar!" right before passover next year, and then when she says it at seder, my wife and I are going to look stunned and say "I have no idea where she learned that!"

look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Sunday, 16 September 2012 23:37 (seven years ago) link

Maybe it's a combination of re-reading a Houellebecq book and then watching "Inside Job", but the idea of legalizing and publicly funding monthly prostitute visits for men over 40 seemed late last night as if it'd solve a great number of American economic problems

E.I.E.I. (Ówen P.), Tuesday, 18 September 2012 20:25 (seven years ago) link

"Seemed" kemosabe?

This cad needs a cordial introduction to Eugene of Oxbow. (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 18 September 2012 20:27 (seven years ago) link

Well, considering that uh "progressive" nations are in varying stages of criminalizing/decriminalizing prostitution, i.e. in both directions, and in the EU there are all sorts of other specific economic factors, coupled with the Brave New Worldiness of the notion. But I was like "why do all these rich dudes need all this money" and after the most logical conclusion was reached "why not just get their pussy/ass on government dollar, out in the open instead of doing it so shadily".

E.I.E.I. (Ówen P.), Tuesday, 18 September 2012 20:36 (seven years ago) link

I had the idea specifically when I was getting a massage and a guy was talking about how he was allowed one RMT visit a month under his current insurance plan

E.I.E.I. (Ówen P.), Tuesday, 18 September 2012 20:37 (seven years ago) link

no, i'm just saying you're on point there

This cad needs a cordial introduction to Eugene of Oxbow. (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 18 September 2012 20:38 (seven years ago) link

Maybe. The thought of ass in my future is all that keeps my nose to the grindstone.

E.I.E.I. (Ówen P.), Tuesday, 18 September 2012 20:43 (seven years ago) link

and vice versa no doubt

This cad needs a cordial introduction to Eugene of Oxbow. (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 18 September 2012 20:46 (seven years ago) link

hit the bong and then hit the gong

hold a party where everyone hits the bong on the way in, and then they hit a gong. after that they can just enjoy the party however they see fit

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Monday, 24 September 2012 03:14 (seven years ago) link

i don't really see why that's so terrible

call all destroyer, Monday, 24 September 2012 03:27 (seven years ago) link

A t-shirt design that simply reads:

SEE, THIS IS
WHY I SHOULDN'T
HAVE WORN THIS
T-SHIRT

with no other explanation.

This Is... The Police (dog latin), Monday, 24 September 2012 08:57 (seven years ago) link

A restaurant called "CRAP" that takes the whole hip comfort food a step further and just serves actual junk food at insane markups, like

"BALONEY SANDWICH" -- Oscar Mayer Lean Baloney, Hellman's Mayo, Wonderbread.......................$12
"MAC AND CHEESE" -- Kraft macaroni and cheese..............small plate $13.................entre $20

look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Monday, 24 September 2012 17:04 (seven years ago) link

"It's really good, I hear it's the same chef as GRUEL"

look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Monday, 24 September 2012 17:29 (seven years ago) link

I've got another one. It's called "GARNISH" -- all of the dishes consist only of condiments, garnishes, and incidental ingredients, e.g. "Bonito flakes, habanero aioli, rooftop garden cilantro, balsamic vinegar"

look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Monday, 24 September 2012 17:35 (seven years ago) link

all the fixins

The Most Typical and Popular Girl Rider (Crabbits), Tuesday, 25 September 2012 03:23 (seven years ago) link

upgrade to iOS 6.

oh no, I already did it....

Lee626, Tuesday, 25 September 2012 07:50 (seven years ago) link

ARK AT THE PARK NIGHT - Get a free hot dog for every pair of animals you bring to the ballpark.

cwkiii, Tuesday, 25 September 2012 13:57 (seven years ago) link

ARCLIGHT AT ARK AT THE PARK NIGHT

Get free movie tickets for every pair of animals you bring to the ballpark.

how's life, Tuesday, 25 September 2012 14:11 (seven years ago) link

+ Matt Damon limited edition We Bought a Zoo bobbleheads for the first 1000 kids.

cwkiii, Tuesday, 25 September 2012 14:12 (seven years ago) link

An alarm clock built into a vibrating butt plug.

a great poke for Jet Set Willy (snoball), Thursday, 27 September 2012 07:48 (seven years ago) link

two birds with one stone

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Thursday, 27 September 2012 19:51 (seven years ago) link

An alarm clock built into a vibrating butt plug.

― a great poke for Jet Set Willy (snoball), Thursday, September 27, 2012 12:48 AM (13 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that's a GREAT idea.

We demand justice: who murdered Chanel? (Matt P), Thursday, 27 September 2012 21:36 (seven years ago) link

yeah i said it. #gaylikessexinthebutt

We demand justice: who murdered Chanel? (Matt P), Thursday, 27 September 2012 21:37 (seven years ago) link

A female Springsteen tribute act called "She's the Boss"

has important things to say about gangnam style (Hurting 2), Monday, 1 October 2012 16:11 (seven years ago) link

"Dancin' With Hanson" -- a reality show that I think is self-explanatory

has important things to say about gangnam style (Hurting 2), Monday, 1 October 2012 18:24 (seven years ago) link

An online nuts & bolts etc. company called 'Screw U'. Mainly so that the people on the customer support line can pick up the phone and say "screw you" before an abusive customer can start shouting.

a great poke for Jet Set Willy (snoball), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 11:33 (seven years ago) link

Earbuds surgically implanted in the tip of each index finger.

a great poke for Jet Set Willy (snoball), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 12:03 (seven years ago) link

Maybe if Screw U had a bricks & mortar retail store, the assistants could be called 'buddies', and each of them could wear a name tag with 'HI! I'M <employee's name>. SCREW U BUDDY' on it.

a great poke for Jet Set Willy (snoball), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 12:09 (seven years ago) link

http://www.uneedabolt.com/

growing up, i had a t-shirt from these guys that read "DON'T GLUE IT, SCREW IT!"

EVERYONE COOKING SCMABLED EGGS,CHEESE WITH TOASTER!! (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 13:03 (seven years ago) link

a biography of Steve Howe called "Howe's Life"

has important things to say about gangnam style (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 3 October 2012 16:13 (seven years ago) link

Gundam Style

(google suggests that i am not to be the first to think of this)

koogs, Wednesday, 3 October 2012 17:53 (seven years ago) link

^^^ see also 'Gangbang Style: A XXX Pr0n Parody'

a great poke for Jet Set Willy (snoball), Saturday, 6 October 2012 07:39 (seven years ago) link

A retro computer consumables shop called 'Mr. Floppy'.

a great poke for Jet Set Willy (snoball), Saturday, 6 October 2012 07:39 (seven years ago) link

Also, the employees can answer the phone with "Hello, Mr. Floppy."

a great poke for Jet Set Willy (snoball), Saturday, 6 October 2012 07:48 (seven years ago) link

A chopped'n'screwed version of the Sopranos called the Baritones

This Is... The Police (dog latin), Friday, 12 October 2012 09:39 (seven years ago) link

A German 'Skyfall' parody called 'Durchfall'.

a great poke for Jet Set Willy (snoball), Friday, 12 October 2012 16:58 (seven years ago) link

iPhone games:

  • 'Counting Pebbles On A Beach' - a screen full of pebbles, you have to count them by tapping on them. The game keeps count, but not on screen. It also won't tell you if you've tapped on the same pebble twice, so you could double count some pebbles. After you've tapped all the pebbles, the game asks you how many pebbles there are. Get it wrong and the game won't tell you how many pebbles there really are.
  • 'Press The Button' - a large button in the middle of the screen. A voice says "Press the button!", and when you press the button the voice says "Well done!", then says "Press the button!" again, ad infinitum.
  • 'Watching Paint Dry' - just a static image of a painted wall. Out of all these games it probably has the longest playing time. Actually would probably be good value for a $1 iPhone game, because most $1 games you realise they're crap after about 30 seconds, but with this one, people would be staring at the screen for quite a long time wondering if something was supposed to happen.

a great poke for Jet Set Willy (snoball), Friday, 12 October 2012 17:04 (seven years ago) link

'Press The Button' - a large button in the middle of the screen. A voice says "Press the button!", and when you press the button the voice says "Well done!", then says "Press the button!" again, ad infinitum.

Would buy.

cwkiii, Friday, 12 October 2012 17:09 (seven years ago) link

can i purchase upgrades for different types of buttons?

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 12 October 2012 18:17 (seven years ago) link

Dev team is snowed under right now making different coloured walls for 'Watching Paint Dry'.

a great poke for Jet Set Willy (snoball), Friday, 12 October 2012 18:22 (seven years ago) link

Canadian Dancehall comp called "Driver, Eh?"

has important things to say about gangnam style (Hurting 2), Friday, 12 October 2012 18:59 (seven years ago) link

A show called Downtown Abby, about a girl called Abby who lives downtown. I think it's solid.

where is el airoporto? (dog latin), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 14:03 (seven years ago) link

Rock Band: Tin Machine

'uckin' leg-end (snoball), Thursday, 18 October 2012 21:58 (seven years ago) link

I love that

let's keep this board about feet, please. (latebloomer), Friday, 19 October 2012 11:52 (seven years ago) link

i drew up some plans for a "prog band" video game, it was a good idea as a single frame comic i guess, but a bad idea for a game. particularly the flautist part, presented a hygiene quandary

(♥___♥) (roxymuzak), Friday, 19 October 2012 21:19 (seven years ago) link

Rock Band: Neu! or Rock Band: Sunn o))) would be good too

michael bolton's reckless daughter (Hurting 2), Friday, 19 October 2012 21:39 (seven years ago) link

urc

someone in knox referenced that gif irl the other day

(♥___♥) (roxymuzak), Friday, 19 October 2012 22:56 (seven years ago) link

Still holding out for, like, Rock Band: Steve Reich or Rock Band: Laurie Anderson. Rock Band: Max Tundra ideally, for me.

Doctor Casino, Saturday, 20 October 2012 01:44 (seven years ago) link

Rock Band: U.S. Maple

cwkiii, Saturday, 20 October 2012 01:45 (seven years ago) link

rock band: unknown grade z touring band

part of it involves using a giant steering wheel controller and driving an old fucked up bus

(♥___♥) (roxymuzak), Saturday, 20 October 2012 01:46 (seven years ago) link

That would be like the 'Desert Bus' minigame from Penn & Teller's Smoke & Mirrors.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwjJ284ViaM&feature=related

ILX until I die (snoball), Saturday, 27 October 2012 16:55 (seven years ago) link

Painstakingly researched 3-volume (800 pages each) biography of Subway mascot Jaded Fogel

let's keep this board about feet, please. (latebloomer), Saturday, 27 October 2012 22:28 (seven years ago) link

That would be amazing because obviously, only the first volume would ever come out.

Doctor Casino, Saturday, 27 October 2012 23:36 (seven years ago) link

Fogel, Volume 1
Age 0-17: the Jaded Years

but the boo boyz are getting to (Z S), Saturday, 27 October 2012 23:57 (seven years ago) link

lol

let's keep this board about feet, please. (latebloomer), Sunday, 28 October 2012 01:14 (seven years ago) link

Gameshow concept: Are You Smarter Than A Three Year Old?

Knut Horowitz, Able-Bodied Investment Banker and Ladies Man (Hurting 2), Monday, 5 November 2012 21:13 (seven years ago) link

Are You Taller Than A Three Year Old?

xanthanguar (cwkiii), Monday, 5 November 2012 21:55 (seven years ago) link

Investment marketing idea: in the mold of the BRIC nations (i.e. the idea that you should invest in Brazil, Russia, India and China as the hot emerging markets), promote the BENZ nations: Burma, Eritrea, New Zealand.

Knut Horowitz, Able-Bodied Investment Banker and Ladies Man (Hurting 2), Monday, 5 November 2012 23:48 (seven years ago) link

The PUKE nations: invest in Paraguay, Ukraine, Kenya and Estonia.

emil.y, Tuesday, 6 November 2012 00:12 (seven years ago) link

BLING: Bangladesh, Laos, Indonesia, Namibia and Gabon

Knut Horowitz, Able-Bodied Investment Banker and Ladies Man (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 6 November 2012 00:13 (seven years ago) link

The COCK nations: Cameroon, Oman, Chad, Kuwait.

emil.y, Tuesday, 6 November 2012 00:14 (seven years ago) link

I kind of wish I had a platform to set up fake portfolios and see how these would do against each other

Knut Horowitz, Able-Bodied Investment Banker and Ladies Man (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 6 November 2012 00:16 (seven years ago) link

i think google and yahoo let you do this.

Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 6 November 2012 00:52 (seven years ago) link

I'm torn between trying to get my colleagues in the Warsaw office to include CRUMPERS (Croatia, Romania, Ukraine, Montenegro, Poland, Estonia, Russia, Serbia) or GRUMBLERS (Georgia, Romania, Ukraine, Montenegro, Bosnia, Latvia, Estonia, Russia, Serbia) in their 2013 strategy plan.

Go Narine, Go! (ShariVari), Tuesday, 6 November 2012 08:26 (seven years ago) link

hahaha GRUMBLERS is awesome

Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 6 November 2012 14:44 (seven years ago) link

An electronic device to reduce procrastination in the office. It attaches to the wall, and every half an hour (or less depending on the needs of your particular office) blares out a version of the Bee Gee's 'You Should Be Dancing', but with the lyrics changed to 'You Should Be Working'.

Huey Lewisies & The Newsie-Wewsies (snoball), Friday, 9 November 2012 15:21 (seven years ago) link

just read the lyrics to that song for the first time and realized it's *not really about dancing*

drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Friday, 9 November 2012 15:23 (seven years ago) link

"printerest" -- a pinterest-style site for the prurient interest

drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Friday, 9 November 2012 16:44 (seven years ago) link

"printerrest" - a plastic armrest for you to lean against while waiting for your slow-as-balls printer to print one bloody side of A4.

Huey Lewisies & The Newsie-Wewsies (snoball), Friday, 9 November 2012 16:46 (seven years ago) link

(could also have a built in screen that shows you stupid stuff currently being posted to pinterest)

Huey Lewisies & The Newsie-Wewsies (snoball), Friday, 9 November 2012 16:47 (seven years ago) link

"The Jersey Wire" -- a cross between Jersey Shore and The Wire.

That's all I got so far.

drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 05:37 (seven years ago) link

Film criticism that takes catering into account

fiscal cliff huxtable (latebloomer), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 16:57 (seven years ago) link

A stand-up comedy duo called Piss & Vinegar, like Little & Large, but with jokes.

Paul McCartney, the Gary Barlow of The Beatles (snoball), Sunday, 2 December 2012 16:45 (seven years ago) link

St. Ives Malt Liquor: a malt beverage with skin-beautifying properties

drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Monday, 3 December 2012 04:41 (seven years ago) link

could also feature Burl Ives in the commercials.

drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Monday, 3 December 2012 04:41 (seven years ago) link

I once had an idea for a '_____ For Dummies'-style series of basic explainer books called "What Part of _____ Do You Not Understand?"

drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Friday, 7 December 2012 02:51 (seven years ago) link

reggae/jam band called "Fiscal Spliff"

drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 12 December 2012 00:35 (seven years ago) link

Alphabetar - an immersive virtual-reality universe in which you place your children to help them learn spelling, phonics, and other basic skills

Doctor Casino, Friday, 14 December 2012 18:17 (seven years ago) link

lol @ all 3 of these

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 14 December 2012 18:41 (seven years ago) link

A really bad Black Sabbath tribute band called Cack Sabbath.

Black Rod, Jane, and Freddy (snoball), Friday, 14 December 2012 18:42 (seven years ago) link

start pronouncing and spelling Doritos as Deritos instead

"reading specialist" (Z S), Friday, 28 December 2012 14:43 (seven years ago) link

start a super queer dub band where we only cover notable records in their entirety

v impressive thing in css (wolves lacan), Friday, 28 December 2012 15:39 (seven years ago) link

Re-writing Pulp Fiction so that as well as being hitmen, Jules and Vincent are also calculus nerds.

earth of (snoball), Monday, 31 December 2012 11:12 (seven years ago) link

Start a moving company called Juicy Brutes. The theme song is just like Juicy Fruit - "Juicy Brutes, they're gonna move ya! Juicy Brutes, they get right to ya! Juicy Brutes, they're really really really gonna mooooove ya!". I would make the moving brutes wear shorts that say "JUICY" across the butt

"reading specialist" (Z S), Tuesday, 1 January 2013 17:36 (seven years ago) link

love it!

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 2 January 2013 03:16 (seven years ago) link

onesie that you can fill with hot liquid like a hot water bottle, optional straw attachment for drinking said liquid if you want to fill it with coffee or tea or something

soma dude (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 2 January 2013 03:20 (seven years ago) link

summer version that you can fill with iced booze

soma dude (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 2 January 2013 03:20 (seven years ago) link

"badger packs"

ILX is not a non-profit — we are just not profitable (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 2 January 2013 03:22 (seven years ago) link

circa 2006 -- registering domain names that somehow combine two things I am interested in at the moment, like edamame and minimalism

mh, Wednesday, 2 January 2013 03:53 (seven years ago) link

Skrillex music videos done in the style of the Keystone Kops.

Jedward do a cover of 'Gangnam Style' called 'Jedward Style'.

earth of (snoball), Thursday, 3 January 2013 23:59 (seven years ago) link

that is almost certain to happen

Stop Gerrying Me! (onimo), Friday, 4 January 2013 11:03 (seven years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_deCkWqrbE

earth of (snoball), Friday, 4 January 2013 11:08 (seven years ago) link

Over the Christmas holidays I very nearly did this. MEPHISTOPHELES' SPORK: An extreme metal band revolving around the throwing of cutlery down various flights of steps whilst shouting "SATAAAAN". The idea was to do this about 12 times and record an album.

besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 4 January 2013 11:19 (seven years ago) link

there is a faint but unmistakable note of pride in that post and it is unwarranted.

estela, Friday, 4 January 2013 12:18 (seven years ago) link

Jedward do a cover of 'Gangnam Style' called 'Jedward Style'.

I have been threatening a mash-up with 'Gang Bang' by Black Lace called 'Gang Bang Style'. I'll probably do it in a couple of years, when nobody remembers what 'Gangnam Style' even is.

emil.y, Friday, 4 January 2013 15:37 (seven years ago) link

I'd get Jedward to do a cover of 'Agadoo', although I don't think they could manage the complexity of the dance.

earth of (snoball), Friday, 4 January 2013 15:50 (seven years ago) link

me just now in the kitchen: "i wish i had tomato soup. i have a tomato, maybe i could mash it up and microwave it until it melts."

boy_slayer, Friday, 11 January 2013 19:28 (seven years ago) link

three weeks pass...

semi-educational cartoon show explicitly pitched at the kids of middle class parents, along the lines of the Muppet Babies but with vegetables, eg baby corn, baby carrot, baby beetroot etc

ima go (DJ Mencap), Friday, 1 February 2013 08:37 (six years ago) link

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Garden_Gang

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 1 February 2013 11:26 (six years ago) link

Was gonna say

b'hurt's tauntin' (darraghmac), Friday, 1 February 2013 11:30 (six years ago) link

NSFW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gQFDjDPPHk
"Vegetable rights and peace!"

Prisoner: Cell Block J/K (snoball), Friday, 1 February 2013 12:07 (six years ago) link

guess it's a dud terrible idea then but the subcategory "Yoghurt tie-in series 1998" from the linked Munch Bunch wiki page is making me lol inexplicably so it's not all bad

ima go (DJ Mencap), Friday, 1 February 2013 14:18 (six years ago) link

Andy Apricot
Barney Banana
Bertie Blackcurrant
Ollie Orange
Rozzy Raspberry (different character though identically named)
Sally Strawberry (different character though identically named)

negative people on the internet. (instrumental) (unregistered), Friday, 1 February 2013 14:26 (six years ago) link

yam beer
oat wine

veryupsetmom (harbl), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 02:23 (six years ago) link

No, I'm good, thanks

dog latin, Wednesday, 6 February 2013 02:23 (six years ago) link

hmm i guess someone already thought of both of those

veryupsetmom (harbl), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 02:24 (six years ago) link

too bad, they are singularly terrible ideas

veryupsetmom (harbl), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 02:24 (six years ago) link

i thought of yam beer when i steamed some yams and forgot the yam water was sitting on the stove for a couple days. the steamer insert was in the pot so it didn't look dirty. it smelled yeasty when i dumped it out.

veryupsetmom (harbl), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 02:25 (six years ago) link

i'm a dirtbag

veryupsetmom (harbl), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 02:25 (six years ago) link

doing all the things that were awesome before they became bad ideas

they were good at some point, right?

mh, Wednesday, 6 February 2013 04:07 (six years ago) link

yam water!!

mh, Wednesday, 6 February 2013 04:07 (six years ago) link

start a pizza-themed game of thrones tumblr

oh wait, totally did that

The Mini-Mamas and the Mini-Papas (latebloomer), Thursday, 7 February 2013 19:12 (six years ago) link

An album by Michael Bublé where he raps, titles 'Bublé Raps', and the cover is like The Pet Shop Boys 'Very', except it's actual bubble wrap.

two weeks pass...

A Pet Shop Boy's 'Very' era tribute band called 'Dunce to Disco'.

These goons are from Galactor and who gives a s*** (snoball), Sunday, 3 March 2013 21:57 (six years ago) link

Manilowtica: the songs of Barry Manilow, rearranged in the style of Metallica but prominently featuring the melodica. Prompted by recognizing fundamental conceptual links between ''I Write The Songs'' and ''Sad But True.'' Unfortunately I haven't thought of any other songs for them to do unless ''Mandy'' and ''Blackened'' can be made to work.

Doctor Casino, Sunday, 3 March 2013 22:28 (six years ago) link

It might be a bit of a stretch, but maybe Manilowtica could perform a live mash-up of 'At The Copa (Copacabana)' and 'Enter Sandman'?

These goons are from Galactor and who gives a s*** (snoball), Sunday, 3 March 2013 22:30 (six years ago) link

Mashup of KRS-One's "My Philosophy" and Shania Twain's "That Don't Impress Me Much."

"So...you're a philosopher? THAT DON'T IMPRESS ME MUCH"

space phwoar (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 20:58 (six years ago) link

A UB40 tribute band called ES40.

Half of these sound like rappers. (snoball), Tuesday, 12 March 2013 09:48 (six years ago) link

hahaha

Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 12 March 2013 14:08 (six years ago) link

The Top 40 Tour with E40, UB 40, 40Glocc, 40Cal and 36 other bands i'm unwilling to take the time to look up

the 'dirty sprite' is implied (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 12 March 2013 19:34 (six years ago) link

Jean Forte?

40 Ounces To Freedom is probably a Sublime cover band...

Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 12 March 2013 19:59 (six years ago) link

okay, props on jean forte. maybe we can do this terrible idea collaboratively?

the 'dirty sprite' is implied (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 12 March 2013 20:11 (six years ago) link

40 Ounces To Freedom is probably a Sublime cover band...

― Doctor Casino, Tuesday, March 12, 2013 3:59 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I read this with a lower case "s" and I was like "why would you assume that?"

space phwoar (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 12 March 2013 20:11 (six years ago) link

A Doctor Who rip off where everyone's favourite Time Lord is also a pimp. The show would be called 'Doctor Ho'.

Half of these sound like rappers. (snoball), Saturday, 16 March 2013 08:55 (six years ago) link

Also the show could feature knock-of Daleks who have soprano saxophones instead of ray guns. Their catchphrase would be "SAXTERMINATE!!!"

Half of these sound like rappers. (snoball), Saturday, 16 March 2013 09:14 (six years ago) link

a rapper named Drachma who raps about ancient Greece

garfield drops some dank n' dirty dubz at 2am (unregistered), Sunday, 17 March 2013 23:18 (six years ago) link

A Joshua Ferris first reader/alphabet book called "Then We Came to the 'N'"

space phwoar (Hurting 2), Monday, 18 March 2013 13:45 (six years ago) link

tea store called "Namastea"

☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 00:06 (six years ago) link

That HAS to exist, many times over. It would not surprise me if it was a brand of tea, either!

Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:33 (six years ago) link

Tea blend, wannabe tea store, and etsy store looks like. Real tea store, maybe not!

☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:37 (six years ago) link

I thought for sure there would be some youtubes of people doing aerobic dance routines to "Mother Sky" but apparently not.

and that sounds like a gong-concert (La Lechera), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:38 (six years ago) link

Whenever I hear "aerobics" I still remember my mom heading off to a class at the library in a leotard in the mid 80s

☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:39 (six years ago) link

That's what I mean, only instead of Jane Fonda ppl are working out to Mother Sky.

and that sounds like a gong-concert (La Lechera), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:41 (six years ago) link

my mum owned this and many others (yes including Jazzercise)

http://www.1015kcls.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/jane-fonda-workout-record-1.jpg

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:41 (six years ago) link

Mother Skyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

and that sounds like a gong-concert (La Lechera), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:42 (six years ago) link

I did Jane Fonda workout in gym class in gradeschool. It was fun! If there were better music, it would be fun today.
Welcome to my terrible idea.

and that sounds like a gong-concert (La Lechera), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:43 (six years ago) link

Heh, there was a great women speaker series over the course of the last couple years touring through and my mom sighed a lot and said things about Jane Fonda maybe being a little ill-advised in the 70s. No conclusions on her fitness output, yet.

☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:44 (six years ago) link

I don't think your idea counts as a terrible idea, LL. It sounds pretty great to me!

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:45 (six years ago) link

btw I do not quite believe in that Mother Sky breakdancing, LL. seems more like an aerobics jam, unlike Vitamin C

☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:45 (six years ago) link

I don't think it's a terrible idea either, but it's my guess that most people would not want to do a 15 min aerobic dance routine. OR WOULD THEY?!

The breakdancing was just this noodly little kid -- there was no Can whatsoever. It was a red herring.

and that sounds like a gong-concert (La Lechera), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:53 (six years ago) link

brb linking the vitamin c breakdance on facebook

☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 02:17 (six years ago) link

* kick-starting Vitamin C week on ILX

Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 19 March 2013 04:27 (six years ago) link

this all sounds a lot like the kraftwerk-out idea that there's a thread for

koogs, Tuesday, 19 March 2013 04:40 (six years ago) link

a rapper named Drachma who raps about ancient Greece

Debut album could be called "What's a Greek urn?".

Half of these sound like rappers. (snoball), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 09:01 (six years ago) link

The Popepoopmobile. Basically the same as a Popemobile, but with blacked out windows. Say that the Pope is out in the Popemobile, and suddenly needs to poop? No problem! Simply bring out the Popepoopmobile, reverse it so it's back to back with the Popemobile, and open the doors. The Pope can move from the Popemobile to the Popepoopmobile, which includes a toilet, do his business, then move back to the Popemobile and carry on waving to the crowds.

Half of these sound like rappers. (snoball), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 09:03 (six years ago) link

for rapper called Drachma, album name could also be Get ur Greek urn (or on, it's up to the artist)

Jibe, Tuesday, 19 March 2013 11:26 (six years ago) link

A Middle Eastern 'Hunky Dory' era Bowie tribute act called Hummus Superior.

Half of these sound like rappers. (snoball), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 22:04 (six years ago) link

a joke whose punchline was "that's a whisk I'm willing to take!"

I've never made tamales before, so they may come out terrible, but that's a husk I'm willing to bake

space phwoar (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 20 March 2013 03:30 (six years ago) link

I once had an idea -- one I thought was clever at the time -- to name a band "The Varieties" after William James' "The Varities of Religious Experience" (and as a nod to the name The Doors as tribute to "The Doors of Perception"). I think this was a genuinely terrible idea, and not just in a funny way.

space phwoar (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 March 2013 04:14 (six years ago) link

A kickstarter project to fund a badly needed heart transplant called Kickstart My Heart

space phwoar (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 March 2013 18:38 (six years ago) link

(lol)

koogs, Thursday, 21 March 2013 18:43 (six years ago) link

Actually feeling this as a kickstarter satire idea, maybe as a video

space phwoar (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 March 2013 18:44 (six years ago) link

Create comic strip in which Garfield is relocated to Manhattan apartment and has wacky adventures with new "Jon" Jerry Seinfeld, name strip Garfeld

del griffith, Thursday, 28 March 2013 14:21 (six years ago) link

lol

I could kind of see an Elaine as Cathy comic

i've a cozy little flat in what is known as old man hat (Hurting 2), Thursday, 28 March 2013 14:42 (six years ago) link

Kramerduke

Another turning point, a stork fuck in the road (ledge), Thursday, 28 March 2013 14:42 (six years ago) link

a new yorker short story that begins "He was the sort of man more David Lee Roth than Philip Roth, if you know what I mean (and I know that you do)."

Look, Brian, about the afro wig... (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 28 March 2013 17:51 (six years ago) link

The Kinds of Roths That There Are

i've a cozy little flat in what is known as old man hat (Hurting 2), Thursday, 28 March 2013 19:23 (six years ago) link

A reality show called America's Next False Messiah where would-be prophets compete for followers

i've a cozy little flat in what is known as old man hat (Hurting 2), Friday, 29 March 2013 03:44 (six years ago) link

^ i love that one

la noche de la vaca (latebloomer), Friday, 29 March 2013 04:58 (six years ago) link

a band called The Crew Seders

i've a cozy little flat in what is known as old man hat (Hurting 2), Monday, 1 April 2013 03:10 (six years ago) link

BTO-sampling rap song in the style of early-to-mid-90s Snoop Dogg, titled "Takin' Care of Shiznits".

how's life, Monday, 1 April 2013 13:03 (six years ago) link

soulsearch.com, an evangelical christian search engine that honors the lord EVERY day

i've a cozy little flat in what is known as old man hat (Hurting 2), Monday, 1 April 2013 17:07 (six years ago) link

variable frequency electrical grid to try to put an end to dogmatic thinking

a similar stunt failed to work with a cow (Merdeyeux), Thursday, 4 April 2013 14:54 (six years ago) link

Scarlet and blue reclining chair called a Barça Lounger

Habemus opiniones pro vobis (onimo), Tuesday, 9 April 2013 13:11 (six years ago) link

NPR call-in show about clock repair questions called Tick Talk

--808 542137 (Hurting 2), Sunday, 14 April 2013 20:35 (six years ago) link

i lold

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 14 April 2013 20:37 (six years ago) link

hahahahah

Doctor Casino, Sunday, 14 April 2013 20:41 (six years ago) link

so many of these are excellent ideas

purp (roxymuzak), Sunday, 14 April 2013 22:49 (six years ago) link

based on a misread headline, I came up with the idea that Apple should design a "smart" home/landline phone.

--808 542137 (Hurting 2), Monday, 15 April 2013 23:41 (six years ago) link

econ and finance pickup lines:

"Have you ever heard of the tulip craze? Cause your two lips drive me crazy"

ALE HOOS aka the steinfiller (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 17 April 2013 16:57 (six years ago) link

a terius nash cover band in a sabbath/lizzy mode called "axe mariah"

goole, Thursday, 18 April 2013 20:24 (six years ago) link

Larp/sca-oriented paramore cover titled "chivalry business"

how's life, Friday, 19 April 2013 12:10 (six years ago) link

so many of these are excellent ideas

― purp (roxymuzak), Sunday, April 14, 2013 10:49 PM (5 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://i.imgflip.com/13lz5.gif

mackleless (latebloomer), Friday, 19 April 2013 21:53 (six years ago) link

fantasy sex league

10-12 participants draft a set of personality traits, settings, music, sex moves, etc. for example, if you have the first round pick you might select the most charming/sexy partner, but later in the draft you're biting yourself because the only soundtrack left is smash mouth's "walking on the sun". or you just use up an early pick on great abs, but you're dismayed when later in the draft you realize that you have to select a knee (?!?) and the only knee left is completely fucked up, like backwards with the bone sticking out.

anyway, when the draft is over, the resulting combinations for each participants are rendered and displayed in a manner that kind of looks like this - http://www.foddy.net/Athletics.html - only it's sex instead.

your holiness, we have an official energy drink (Z S), Sunday, 21 April 2013 16:13 (six years ago) link

podcast about interesting stuff in the world of video games, but for a non-gamer audience, called Mashing The Buttons

hoospanic GANGSTER musician (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Sunday, 21 April 2013 17:36 (six years ago) link

Would listen; disqualified

ljubljana, Sunday, 21 April 2013 19:06 (six years ago) link

Yeah, that's a genuine good idea! Lock down the domain name now IMO.

Doctor Casino, Sunday, 21 April 2013 19:57 (six years ago) link

later in the draft you realize that you have to select a knee (?!?) and the only knee left is completely fucked up, like backwards with the bone sticking out.

lost my shit on this btw

H-E-double-s1ockisticks (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 21 April 2013 21:39 (six years ago) link

use of the following phrase for a monster slam dunk over defenders: "OH! HARDEN TAKES IT TO THE TERRORISTS ON THEIR HOME TURF!"

huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Thursday, 25 April 2013 00:44 (six years ago) link

a planned parenthood t-shirt that reads "if life begins at conception, you've been celebrating the wrong birthday your whole life"

brb buying poppers w/my employee discount (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 25 April 2013 03:19 (six years ago) link

my friend is a statehouse lobbyist for PP and she's due in September. they've thought about making a shirt with an arrow pointing down and a caption "I was planned"

mh, Thursday, 25 April 2013 03:24 (six years ago) link

i have a friend who worked for planned parenthood and i got two designs that were quickly taken off their website when they made and vetoed them
one is "I <3 WOMEN" which i have repeatedly been told is homophobic
the other is a green shirt that reads "kiss me, i'm pro-choice"

brb buying poppers w/my employee discount (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 25 April 2013 03:28 (six years ago) link

nice!

how's life, Thursday, 25 April 2013 08:10 (six years ago) link

album of Coil covers done in an acoustic Jack Johnson/fratboy style, called 'Musick To Play In The Park'

congo nattefrost (DJ Mencap), Friday, 26 April 2013 07:37 (six years ago) link

cld also be called 'fratology'

Ward Fowler, Friday, 26 April 2013 07:52 (six years ago) link

become a world-famous action movie star, on par with stallone or schwarzenneger. but insist on being uncredited in every single movie i'm in. i'd be the most mysterious movie star ever.

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 29 April 2013 19:35 (six years ago) link

start a conspiracy theory rumor that Dzhokhar is actually pronounced "Joker", creating a suspcicious link to the Aurora shooting

huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Monday, 29 April 2013 21:28 (six years ago) link

a greek food truck called "A Gyro Ain't Nothin But A Sandwich"

huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 30 April 2013 14:31 (six years ago) link

Elvis Was a Gyro to Most...

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 30 April 2013 16:47 (six years ago) link

omg

hoospanic GANGSTER musician (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 30 April 2013 16:54 (six years ago) link

an album called "Double Pedals to the Metal"

huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 15:00 (six years ago) link

implies both metal double-bass drumming and pressing the brake and gas all the way down at the same time

huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 15:01 (six years ago) link

The Bagel Chips Meshugganah Bagel -- a new bagel product modeled on the Doritos Locos Taco

huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 19:08 (six years ago) link

An edgy rival to Top Gear hosted by 5i55ym4nwh0r3 called Autofellatio.

Camp Macaroni Style (snoball), Sunday, 5 May 2013 10:28 (six years ago) link

"Jonathon" -- a marathon reading of Jonathan Safran Foer, Jonathan Lethem, Jonathan Franzen and Jonathan Ames

huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Monday, 6 May 2013 15:56 (six years ago) link

a shorthand ilx code system appended to the end of your display name that explains to people why you're being insufferable; longtime users will take your actions with a grain of salt and random googlers will be none the wiser

</3 = recent serious breakup
RIP = recent death of family member/friend
OD = "on deadline"
UTW = "under the weather"
USA = "American"
TO2MT = "Trolled One Too Many Times", trigger happy
ILX LIFER = More than ten years on the board, believes everything is permissible given longevity

UTW, USA, ILX LIFER (forksclovetofu), Monday, 6 May 2013 19:03 (six years ago) link

http://www.geekcode.com/geek.html

Camp Macaroni Style (snoball), Monday, 6 May 2013 19:09 (six years ago) link

had never heard of that. no bad idea goes unrealized i suppose.

UTW, USA, ILX LIFER (forksclovetofu), Monday, 6 May 2013 20:10 (six years ago) link

An Encyclopedia Brown-themed coffee house named "Mugs Beany"

how's life, Monday, 13 May 2013 13:21 (six years ago) link

yes

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 13 May 2013 13:28 (six years ago) link

Million dollar idea.

Doctor Casino, Monday, 13 May 2013 13:59 (six years ago) link

(Though I was always more of an Einstein Anderson fan myself.)

Doctor Casino, Monday, 13 May 2013 14:00 (six years ago) link

declare myself a sovereign citizen and refuse to pay property taxes, put up my own flag in the front yard

commission pitbull to write a national anthem for my nation

tweeship journey to 77 (mh), Monday, 13 May 2013 14:31 (six years ago) link

dale

hoospanic GANGSTER musician (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 13 May 2013 14:58 (six years ago) link

that's a mr. show sketch, except with bob odenkirk doing the national anthem instead of pitbull

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 13 May 2013 14:58 (six years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNsYlnxSNcA

can't find a video of the anthem scene unfortch

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 13 May 2013 14:59 (six years ago) link

hmm, I may have residual memory of this Mr. Show sketch

I still think hiring Pitbull to write a national anthem is a thing

tweeship journey to 77 (mh), Monday, 13 May 2013 15:04 (six years ago) link

also lol @ hoos's reference

tweeship journey to 77 (mh), Monday, 13 May 2013 15:04 (six years ago) link

An iPad cover that looks like an Etch-A-Sketch.

go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:30 (six years ago) link

Is it an actual functioning Etch-A-Sketch?

how's life, Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:32 (six years ago) link

That doesn't really seem like a terrible idea. It might arguably be corny, but I'm sure a lot of people would buy it. Is there an etch-a-sketch app?

THIS IS NOT A BENGHAZI T-SHIRT (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:43 (six years ago) link

this is already a products

http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/e6e2/

how's life, Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:47 (six years ago) link

i feel like there is tension on this thread

your holiness, we have an official energy drink (Z S), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:47 (six years ago) link

i am in the dwindling camp of people who use it to post terrible ideas

the rest of you are like

1. here is my awesome idea
2. profit

your holiness, we have an official energy drink (Z S), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:47 (six years ago) link

xxp: although that one is non-functioning.

how's life, Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:48 (six years ago) link

Disguise your computing device as a mere child's toy

klaus dingeldore's rhinelander monkey keeper father (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:49 (six years ago) link

ik, r?

how's life, Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:49 (six years ago) link

this thread was always 95% awesome ideas.

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:49 (six years ago) link

Well I thought it was a terrible idea. Somebody else (the manufacturer of this product) obviously thought otherwise. Maybe this is why I'm skint and they're not?

go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:51 (six years ago) link

Next year, whenever Omar Asik makes a terrific play, we're all going to yell

"Oh Mah Assssssshhh"

Zachary Taylor, Saturday, 25 May 2013 06:21 (six years ago) link

a website called doihavechops.com where you can upload a clip of your guitar playing and it will tell you if you have chops or not. an animated humanoid guitar will pop up and say stuff like "that was some sick shredding!" or "move over, Stevie Ray!" or "careful with that axe, Eugene!" (or maybe just "yes, you have chops"). it would only give positive feedback because guitarists have vv fragile egos.

unregistered, Sunday, 26 May 2013 01:36 (six years ago) link

floater implants: voluntary eye surgery to give people new floaters or modify their existing ones. maybe you were born with a little wormy floater and you want to make it look like a cobra. or maybe you want to see the name of Allah or your girlfriend's face or the Kiss logo every time you stare at a blank wall. absent-minded people can even get floaters that spell out "take 10 mg of Accupril (triangular brown pill) twice daily" or form a map of where they live. it's a non-reversible procedure & if you do it too much you will probably go blind.

unregistered, Monday, 27 May 2013 14:54 (six years ago) link

a band combining American roots music with Jewish comedic folklore called Levon Chelm

(for context: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_humour#Chelm)

THIS IS NOT A BENGHAZI T-SHIRT (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 28 May 2013 21:10 (six years ago) link

internetmarketingtim 1 hour ago

The guy driving the truck according to Baton Rouge Police Cpl. Tommy Stubbs actually pulled off and drove to the police station himself. Neither of the men were arrested or charged for the incident.
Apparently the guy driving the truck took the guy on the hood of the trucks "Shimp" sign from his shrimp booth and he jumped on the hood as he tried to drive off.

THIS IS NOT A BENGHAZI T-SHIRT (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 28 May 2013 21:13 (six years ago) link

that sounds like the most Louisiana thing ever to happen

THIS IS NOT A BENGHAZI T-SHIRT (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 28 May 2013 21:13 (six years ago) link

oh btw I completely posted those to the wrong thread

THIS IS NOT A BENGHAZI T-SHIRT (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 29 May 2013 19:18 (six years ago) link

AN-y-way

THIS IS NOT A BENGHAZI T-SHIRT (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 29 May 2013 19:18 (six years ago) link

a band whose style is Beaches meets Dirty Beaches meets Beach House. It's called Dirty Beach House.

THIS IS NOT A BENGHAZI T-SHIRT (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 29 May 2013 19:19 (six years ago) link

a t-shirt for Ojai, California that reads:

Ojai:

I upgraded your JAM!

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 June 2013 20:15 (six years ago) link

open a coffee shop aimed at the legal community called Due Diligentsia

Z S, Tuesday, 11 June 2013 14:52 (six years ago) link

this coffee shop would not have a bathroom (that's what makes it an especially terrible idea)

Z S, Tuesday, 11 June 2013 14:52 (six years ago) link

haha, I love that

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 11 June 2013 14:54 (six years ago) link

"keep your shit to yourself"?

i didn't even give much of a fuck that you were mod (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 11 June 2013 15:44 (six years ago) link

Z S is p much the king of terrible ideas

1 P.3. Eternal (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 12 June 2013 15:15 (six years ago) link

i mean that as a compliment

1 P.3. Eternal (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 12 June 2013 15:15 (six years ago) link

<3

Z S, Wednesday, 12 June 2013 15:49 (six years ago) link

porn sites with "underwhelm" in the name, like "CUM UNDERWHELM" or "COCK UNDERWHELM"

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 June 2013 02:38 (six years ago) link

A comedy rap album by a rapper called Jew-Z, featuring the single "I've Got 99 Problems (But Who Can Complain?)"

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 03:15 (six years ago) link

Everytime I play golf lately, nothing but rain
I got 99 problems but who can complain
The chiropracter did nothing for my lower back pain
I got 99 problems but who can complain

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 03:16 (six years ago) link

ok lol

1 P.3. Eternal (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 07:45 (six years ago) link

I was so disappointed to find out they weren't actually old jewish men.

how's life, Tuesday, 18 June 2013 16:47 (six years ago) link

forks, if you couldn't have guessed that I owned a copy of the 2 Live Jews record, you may never never know me

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 16:48 (six years ago) link

so you are admitting to infringing on the intellectual property of MC Moisha and Easy Irving

i didn't even give much of a fuck that you were mod (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 17:04 (six years ago) link

* IDGI: a clothing line of t-shirts that mismatch dumb slogans from some shirts with the dumb images from others, producing shirts that LOOK like they should be transparently obvious, bro-ready jokes, but instead are irritating head-scratchers.

Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 18 June 2013 17:06 (six years ago) link

awesome

how's life, Tuesday, 18 June 2013 17:07 (six years ago) link

So like, just going by the front page of snorg atm, an IDGI shirt could have the text of "Hedgehogs: Why Don't They Just Share The Hedge", but a graphic of a robot DJing?

how's life, Tuesday, 18 June 2013 17:12 (six years ago) link

Oh sorry, that's a medieval knight DJing.

how's life, Tuesday, 18 June 2013 17:12 (six years ago) link

you could create that very thing on IDAKOOS

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 17:27 (six years ago) link

medieval knight is the one from monty python holy grail film, hence the 'tis but a scratch'.

koogs, Tuesday, 18 June 2013 21:01 (six years ago) link

I think sunglasses chinchilla with "Back in My Day We Had Nine Planets" would work well

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 21:06 (six years ago) link

tbf these shirts basically look like most memes to me, as i get old

Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 18 June 2013 21:21 (six years ago) link

terrible t-shirt idea: A "dirty" coin shirt that has "Head" and "Tail" as the sides instead of heads and tails.

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 19 June 2013 22:54 (six years ago) link

Nuts Beery Farm

Eat nuts, drink beer, ride roller coasters.

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 19 June 2013 23:16 (six years ago) link

sounds like busch gardens tbh

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 19 June 2013 23:21 (six years ago) link

North Face offers limited editions designed by Kanye and Kim's baby

North x North West

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Friday, 21 June 2013 19:08 (six years ago) link

inevitable headliner North West at South by Southwest gets Southwest Airlines sponsorship

i didn't even give much of a fuck that you were mod (forksclovetofu), Friday, 21 June 2013 19:22 (six years ago) link

they should throw the kid a bar mitzvah in the canadian arctic: a real north west (rite of) passage!!

goole, Saturday, 22 June 2013 01:34 (six years ago) link

an app called Pictagram where you text using pictograms

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 25 June 2013 03:20 (six years ago) link

With stiff competition from FourSquare knockoff RebusCube.

Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 25 June 2013 04:08 (six years ago) link

a bar called "The Most Photographed Bar in America"

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 21:13 (six years ago) link

hmm actually maybe that's a good idea

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 21:13 (six years ago) link

people would enjoy saying "Do you want to meet me at The Most Photographed Bar in America? What? No, that's the NAME of the BAR dude, lol!!!" And then of course they'd come to take photos there.

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 21:14 (six years ago) link

mash up of "strange brew" and "strange fruit"

truth bomb lawyer mean mean pride (Edward III), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 21:26 (six years ago) link

Strange Brute?

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 26 June 2013 22:44 (six years ago) link

et tu, fruity?

BIG HOOS aka the denigrated boogeyman (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, 28 June 2013 19:12 (six years ago) link

Drone rock-sampling g-funk track with the hook "oh, it's just like Dr. Dre says"

how's life, Monday, 1 July 2013 11:23 (six years ago) link

construct a box that is covered on the inside with mirrors, and a few small holes to let sunlight in. the box would be 4x4x7 ft, and it would be called "the freakout room"

Z S, Monday, 1 July 2013 15:51 (six years ago) link

people taller than 7 feet or wider than 4 feet would not be allowed into the freakout room

Z S, Monday, 1 July 2013 15:52 (six years ago) link

congratulations, you are an installation artist!

Doctor Casino, Monday, 1 July 2013 16:02 (six years ago) link

isn't that at the Guggenheim right now?

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Monday, 1 July 2013 16:03 (six years ago) link

yeah, i was telling my gf about my terrible idea and she was like "Have you seen any of Yayoi Kusama's work?"

Z S, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:56 (six years ago) link

however, i notice that Yayoi Kusama didn't have the terrible of calling it the freakout room.

Z S, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:56 (six years ago) link

terrible ^idea^

Z S, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:56 (six years ago) link

i do have similar (original, i believe) terrible ideas, though, about constructing a soundproof centralized box (again 4x4x7) and a set of corridors surrounding it that each blast agonizing sounds from the corners of building, down their halls and toward the center. in certain halls, you would only hear a single tone. in other halls, you would hear combinations of tones. all of the tones would be audible in the centralized box, but only when its shutters opened. the participant would step into the soundproofed box with the shutters closed, and as the door closed the sound would flip from a loud discordant ANNNNNNNGNGGGGGGHHHHHH to - ..... - nothing. total darkness as well. after a few seconds a long animation appears on the inside of the box that shows world population from 1 million bce to now. everything is silent until about 0 bce, when one of the shutters just barely opens and the noise from one of the surrounding halls leaks in. the animation proceeds, and around the industrial revolution, as the population curve begins to approach the curvy part of the J-curve, other shutters that correspond to the other sound hallways begin to open. and then of course as the 20th century proceeds and the population begins soaring up the vertical part of the J the shutters just fly open, the lighting in the room turns blood red and it's fucking chaos in there, because for the first time you're hearing ALL of the sound hallways all at once and it sounds fucking TERRIBLE. then it hits 2013 and the door flies open and you're outta there

Z S, Monday, 1 July 2013 18:05 (six years ago) link

this terrible idea hinges on my ability to construct giant soundproofed hallways and boxes and having millions of dollars

Z S, Monday, 1 July 2013 18:06 (six years ago) link

I like it.

Romantic style in da world (crüt), Monday, 1 July 2013 18:07 (six years ago) link

crut do you have some $ i can borrow

Z S, Monday, 1 July 2013 18:07 (six years ago) link

construct a box that is covered on the inside with mirrors, and a few small holes to let sunlight in. the box would be 4x4x7 ft, and it would be called "the freakout room"

― Z S, Monday, July 1, 2013 3:51 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

people taller than 7 feet or wider than 4 feet would not be allowed into the freakout room

― Z S, Monday, July 1, 2013 3:52 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

congratulations, you are an installation artist!

― Doctor Casino, Monday, July 1, 2013 4:02 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a friend of mine actually did this

BIG HOOS aka the denigrated boogeyman (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 1 July 2013 20:41 (six years ago) link

did you get to experience the freakout firsthand?

Z S, Monday, 1 July 2013 20:55 (six years ago) link

it was ultimately sort of cheap looking on the inside but a fun idea

BIG HOOS aka the denigrated boogeyman (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 2 July 2013 05:58 (six years ago) link

it sounds a lot like a dressing room at TJ Maxx

i didn't even give much of a fuck that you were mod (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 2 July 2013 18:30 (six years ago) link

They had one of those at Robot World in the Wisconsin Dells. I've wanted to build one since I was a kid.

how's life, Tuesday, 2 July 2013 18:34 (six years ago) link

Buying a dog just to name it "Bounty Hunter"

lego maniac cop (latebloomer), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 02:12 (six years ago) link

Name it Body Movement and then always talk about your BM

Z S, Tuesday, 9 July 2013 02:16 (six years ago) link

Buying a dog just to name it "Bounty Hunter"

― lego maniac cop (latebloomer), Tuesday, July 9, 2013 2:12 AM (3 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

middle name The

BIG HOOS aka the denigrated boogeyman (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, 12 July 2013 18:28 (six years ago) link

a cartoon of an armed bob dylan following jeff koons, with the caption "Fucking Koons, he always gets away!"

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Friday, 12 July 2013 19:45 (six years ago) link

a compilation of 'badgirl feminist' web writing called "Click My Lit"

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Friday, 12 July 2013 20:29 (six years ago) link

http://clickmylit.net/

Here is a sexy lit story about an older guy who uses subliminal seduction to hypnotize a younger girl. Perhaps this online writing job is not of the usual style I have presented in the past but do remember that I like to promote lit that has not been already plugged in other places. Girl Hypnotized has promised they will presenting more lit soon so do check out their latest short subliminal seduction story.

not quite what you had in mind

Doctor Casino, Friday, 12 July 2013 22:53 (six years ago) link

I daydreamed an elaborate finance scheme that I call "Costco Membership Arbitrage" -- basically, you front members the money to go from the "regular" membership at $55 to the "executive" membership at $110 (so you front $55 per household) in exchange for a cut of their 2% rewards cash at the end of the year. The returns could actually be huge, for example, we got back $150 in rewards cash, so we made almost 200% on our $55 "investment" in the executive membership.

Of course this is a terrible idea for many reasons, not least of which being that you can only spend the rewards money at Costco.

undescended listicle (Hurting 2), Monday, 22 July 2013 18:33 (six years ago) link

Also what kind of family would spend enough at Costco every year to get back enough in rewards to make it worthwhile but wouldn't have the $55 to spend on the membership?

undescended listicle (Hurting 2), Monday, 22 July 2013 18:34 (six years ago) link

Terrible idea: Sandra Lee presents a cooking show based on the Forme of Cury.

slamming on the dubstep brakes (snoball), Monday, 22 July 2013 19:14 (six years ago) link

xpost lol. picturing a room of suits buying and selling kirkland mayonnaise futures

kaiju rolling stone cover (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 22 July 2013 21:00 (six years ago) link

I've also tried to dream up Costco import/export schemes. I devote an unseemly amount of time to this kind of thought.

undescended listicle (Hurting 2), Monday, 22 July 2013 21:03 (six years ago) link

I've also half-seriously tried to dream up ways of "churning" credit card rewards by just paying myself via a shell company. Of course you'd need a lot of different cards and a lot of transactions to make this actually pay off decently, you'd probably get caught, and I think the processing fees might be greater than the rewards anyway.

undescended listicle (Hurting 2), Monday, 22 July 2013 21:05 (six years ago) link

write and record 10 songs, then spend the rest of my life recording different versions of those same 10 songs

congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 23 July 2013 20:35 (six years ago) link

"I think the processing fees might be greater than the rewards anyway."
if you find a 5% reward, you could probably eke out a 2% return.
if you live in a state which forces retailers to pay balance of gift cards in cash, you can also churn through them.
when the US mint was trying to get rid of dollar coins, people maxed out their cards and returned these heavy bags of coins to the banks and flew for free the rest of the year.

Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 23 July 2013 20:54 (six years ago) link

there was apparently a good scheme running with something called bluebird prepaid cards for a while. I think the bluebird prepaid cards could be used for a lot of stuff regular credit cards couldn't? So you could really maximize your rewards. But I believe the cc companies caught on and did something to clamp down.

undescended listicle (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 23 July 2013 21:30 (six years ago) link

n/a that would make you a real acid mother -- you should do it.

free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Tuesday, 23 July 2013 21:39 (six years ago) link

a twitter account called @RTUnFunny which retweets only shitty jokes

antoine fuckwant (goole), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 15:09 (six years ago) link

hahaha

Z S, Wednesday, 24 July 2013 15:15 (six years ago) link

what if there are gods, and they can recognize all of the possible alternatives, and they got bored with our branch of the universe and left it behind a long time ago? for example, there's no reason the steam engine couldn't have been invented by the ancient romans - they had all the prequisite knowledge, they just didn't do it. if we're splitting off into nearly infinite branches of alternative universes all the time, then there would be a world where they DID invent the steam engine - jesus could have been a conductor - and that obviously would have been a more entertaining world for the god or gods to pay attention to. it's like save states in videogames. you, as the omniscient player, pay attention to the most successful (in your eyes) state of the game, and your old save states languish there. but what if they game continued on back in those old save states, but you weren't paying attention? that's us! whoa dude

ok back to work

Z S, Thursday, 25 July 2013 16:06 (six years ago) link

we're splitting off

Misread this as 'spliffing off', which might actually be more appropriate...

slamming on the dubstep brakes (snoball), Thursday, 25 July 2013 17:15 (six years ago) link

In saddest of all sad Toy Story scenes, the Link in Ocarina of Time Saved Game Universe 3 is alone, working in a Goron mine. Epona is dead. He doesn't even remember how to play his ocarina. He sleeps on a dirty pile of hay in Lon Lon Ranch with this guy

http://nintendoforever.free.fr/N64/ZeldaOcarinaOfTime/ZeldaOOT_Divers/Personnages/ZeldaOOT_personnageSecondaire_ingoAvecEpona.jpg

kaiju rolling stone cover (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 25 July 2013 17:42 (six years ago) link

heaven = resumption of a long lost save state by the god user
hell = resumption of a long lots save state by the god user's malevolent young sibling(s), who wreak havoc within the game with no intention of trying to make progress
the apocalypse/end of time = deletion of a save state

Z S, Thursday, 25 July 2013 18:15 (six years ago) link

the next time I am frustrated with life, I will look to the heavens and shout "Blow into the cartridge!"

kaiju rolling stone cover (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 25 July 2013 18:18 (six years ago) link

statistically, you'll have just as much success doing that as you would by praying!

Z S, Thursday, 25 July 2013 18:22 (six years ago) link

in alternative universe, that post came out like this:

"statistically, you'll have just as much chalupa meat doing that as you would by slorting!"

― Z S, Thursday, July 25, 2013 11:22 AM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

kaiju rolling stone cover (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 25 July 2013 18:31 (six years ago) link

terrible idea #234354:

everything is right! but also...everything is wrong.

Z S, Thursday, 25 July 2013 19:23 (six years ago) link

for example, there's no reason the steam engine couldn't have been invented by the ancient romans - they had all the prequisite knowledge, they just didn't do it.

i have this odd mental scenario of one ancient roman saying 'you could make a steam engine with what you've got there' and the other ancient roman saying 'nah'

Autumn Almanac, Friday, 26 July 2013 00:37 (six years ago) link

lol

the pen is mightier than the penisword (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 26 July 2013 02:49 (six years ago) link

are they wearing cotton drill togas from lowes.

estela, Friday, 26 July 2013 03:36 (six years ago) link

Feel like people have actually written extensively on why the Romans didn't invent the steam engine actually, especially since they had forerunner devices like the aeolipile - - or at least why they didn't invent half the shit medieval people came up with... basically there was no percentage in it because it was a slave economy with a labor pool that was always in surplus of demand, so the value of replacing person-labor with machine-labor was like, eh, why bother? Whereas your hardscrabble medieval manor town, though not exactly stuffed with great minds and book-learnin', is kind of desperate for any good idea that comes down the pipe, so over the long course of time you see a ton of developments in the way of practical equipment and machinery.

er sorry i realize that is not the point of this existential speculation but historical pedantry insists that they were ill-disposed to invent the steam engine, fundamentally because they were romans

Doctor Casino, Friday, 26 July 2013 04:38 (six years ago) link

didn't hero invent the steam engine?

sassy, fun, and RELATABLE (forksclovetofu), Friday, 26 July 2013 05:28 (six years ago) link

http://www.lyft.me/drivers

it's not my idea, but i feel like this belongs here

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 26 July 2013 16:26 (six years ago) link

That
s a good

idea

waterface, Friday, 26 July 2013 16:28 (six years ago) link

i'm going to assume you're a rapist

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 26 July 2013 16:33 (six years ago) link

http://www.yelp.com/biz/lyft-san-francisco

waterface, Friday, 26 July 2013 16:38 (six years ago) link

Fuck you Spiral Stairs

waterface, Friday, 26 July 2013 16:39 (six years ago) link

As someone who's used Sidecar, Lyft and cabs in San Francsico, and as a young female, I've honestly felt a lot safer in Lyft and Sidecar than cabs. I'd like to believe (and maybe I'm naive) that this is a rare occurrence. When you jump in a cab, no one has any idea where you're going. When you're in a Lyft, Sidecar or Uber, there's an app tracking where you are. You get a picture of your driver, their car and their name before you ever step inside the vehicle, and they've passed a written interview, phone interview and in person interview.

My roommate had a cabbie taking pulls from a handle of whiskey while driving and then whip out a knife on her when she tried to pay with a card. She ran away so panicked she didn't get his cab number or name, meaning he's still out there. That couldn't have happened in Lyft.

It was totally unprofessional for him to ask for her number in that situation and I probably would have reacted the same way, but I'd guess there's just as likely to be a cabbie stalker out there as there is a Lyft driver. 7/16/13 1:55pm

waterface, Friday, 26 July 2013 16:42 (six years ago) link

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slugging

waterface, Friday, 26 July 2013 16:44 (six years ago) link

tbf, that could happen with a cabbie too, if you gave one your number

PJ. Turquoise dealer. Chatroulette addict. Andersonville. (Hurting 2), Friday, 26 July 2013 16:45 (six years ago) link

yup

waterface, Friday, 26 July 2013 16:45 (six years ago) link

And tbh that's not really "stalking"! That's one awkward series of text message exchanges over the course of a couple hours!

PJ. Turquoise dealer. Chatroulette addict. Andersonville. (Hurting 2), Friday, 26 July 2013 16:48 (six years ago) link

I mean, she gave her number, then didn't respond to one text (or volley of texts?), then they had an exchange where the guy was weird, but once she made it clear she didn't want to see him it seems like it ended at that?

PJ. Turquoise dealer. Chatroulette addict. Andersonville. (Hurting 2), Friday, 26 July 2013 16:50 (six years ago) link

waterface i am impressed with your ready knowledge of ways to get some 1 on 1 time in a confined space with strangers

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 26 July 2013 16:51 (six years ago) link

Roberto nice try but I enjoy reading and learning about various forms of public transportation.

But again, kudos to you for trying to frame me as a creep.

waterface, Friday, 26 July 2013 16:56 (six years ago) link

didn't hero invent the steam engine?

― sassy, fun, and RELATABLE (forksclovetofu), Friday, July 26, 2013 1:28 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i think basically? I believe there are also practical issues to building a steam engine in 100 AD or whenever, just because metallurgy is not at the point where you can really construct a boiler capable of containing the required pressures. But I actually don't really know anything about anything so I could be wrong.

Doctor Casino, Friday, 26 July 2013 17:31 (six years ago) link

everything i know about this comes from a single paragraph in the william gibson interview with the paris review:

There’s an idea in the science-fiction community called steam-engine time, which is what people call it when suddenly twenty or thirty different writers produce stories about the same idea. It’s called steam-engine time ­because nobody knows why the steam engine happened when it did. Ptolemy demonstrated the mechanics of the steam engine, and there was nothing technically stopping the Romans from building big steam engines. They had little toy steam engines, and they had enough metalworking skill to build big steam tractors. It just never occurred to them to do it. When I came up with my cyberspace idea, I thought, I bet it’s steam-engine time for this one, because I can’t be the only person noticing these various things. And I wasn’t. I was just the first person who put it together in that particular way, and I had a logo for it, I had my neologism.

so, ptolemy. according to william gibson.

Z S, Friday, 26 July 2013 17:46 (six years ago) link

Huh!

Doctor Casino, Friday, 26 July 2013 19:46 (six years ago) link

and they had enough metalworking skill to build big steam tractors.

i don't think this is true tbh

they didn't have the metallurgy to make objects both big and strong enough to make a steam engine large enough to do useful work that people or animals were doing

antoine fuckwant (goole), Friday, 26 July 2013 19:52 (six years ago) link

iirc watt was inspired by a principal of planetary movement that ptolemy posited, i think gibson is making a bit of a jump there. hero(n) is really the guy who laid it out. but doctor casino here is essentially correct, the problem is metal. advanced metal working didn't really get going - and like many academic and scientific disciplines it peaked early and tailed off quickly. rome was pretty degenerate after the early empire. i think mental was a PITA for romans because the ores were elsewhere. and crucially they didn't get very far with iron alloys, and that is really the business end of things.

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 26 July 2013 20:06 (six years ago) link

it likely peaked early
and metal, not mental

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 26 July 2013 20:08 (six years ago) link

http://mygeologypage.ucdavis.edu/cowen/~gel115/115CH5.html

ps i love ancient and still-running academic webspaces like this

antoine fuckwant (goole), Friday, 26 July 2013 20:15 (six years ago) link

Great info Roberto, thanks.

goole otm.

Doctor Casino, Friday, 26 July 2013 20:34 (six years ago) link

Ancient smiths had to learn the metallurgy of iron and its alloys, which again is non-intuitive, much more difficult than that of copper and bronze. They solved the problems empirically, of course, but the chemistry and metallurgy involved were not understood at all until modern times. Most important, the smithing of iron demanded much more luck or skill than the well-understood smithing of copper and bronze. Some smiths made tools and armor and weapons that were significantly better than others. The mastery of iron and steel truly was a rather magical process, and it is at this point that legends begin to feature magic swords, produced by smiths who are also wizards.

^^^ the kind of shit i just eat UP. Makes total sense when they put it like that.

Doctor Casino, Friday, 26 July 2013 20:37 (six years ago) link

Bronze Age heroes did not have magic weapons. The heroes of Troy had to use tricks for victory, even when the gods were interfering. (I imagine that the gods would have provided their favorite mortals with magic weapons if they had been available: certainly the Iron Age Norse gods did.) However, Iron Age soldiers had swords that were forged one at a time, and Iron Age gods and heroes often had magic swords such as Fafnir and Excalibur. Legendary Iron Age smiths such as Wayland Smith traditionally possessed great strength for hand-forging weapons, as well as great skill. Ironically, Wayland was lame, but only because he was maimed deliberately by the King: is this a faint echo of the Bronze Age?

Doctor Casino, Friday, 26 July 2013 20:38 (six years ago) link

there is an interesting division between legendary swords that did crazy shit and swords that were just known for being especially hard or sharp, e.g. excalibur or durendal(sp?). the latter seem obviously to be referring to steel swords, most likely accidentally made rather than some particularly talented smith, hence the specialness/rarity.

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 26 July 2013 20:47 (six years ago) link

also fafnir is a dragon not a sword

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 26 July 2013 20:48 (six years ago) link

ha, wait, yeah, what is that about?

Agreed about 'magic' versus 'special' swords. On the Gibson tip, there's a great sequence somewhere in Stephenson's Baroque Cycle - probably midway through "The Confusion" where a couple of our heroes, one a warrior, one a seasoned alchemist, get to watch a bunch of metallurgists at work somewhere in the Near East. The alchemist is following the whole process, step by step, focusing on what they're doing with the hammers and the heat and so on, and meanwhile the warrior, who has been carrying around a prized 'watered steel' blade the entire story, gradually has this jaw-drop moment of realizing that this is the place where watered steel comes from, this is the procedure that's created his amazing super-sword that everyone fears. And this is set in the late 17th century!

Doctor Casino, Friday, 26 July 2013 21:10 (six years ago) link

the sword sigurd used to kill fafnir was forged by wayland the smith, which is probably the writer slipped there. it has a more boring name though (gram)

1staethyr, Friday, 26 July 2013 21:27 (six years ago) link

I remember Gram, it was a sword in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. IIRC the description was the rather underwhelming ''The sword named Gram.''

An actual terrible idea: sitting in the inverse castle library and killing eight million Dodos in the hopes of them dropping a rare Crissaegrim. (I speak from sad experience.)

Doctor Casino, Friday, 26 July 2013 22:42 (six years ago) link

Er...wait. those are Shmoos, I think. The Dodos are in the inverse castle entrance but they also drop something really cool about one in ten thousand times.

Doctor Casino, Friday, 26 July 2013 22:44 (six years ago) link

kill ilxor account

wolves lacan, Saturday, 27 July 2013 16:57 (six years ago) link

a poster that reads

KEEP CALM
and
SHOW ME
THE MONEY!

PJ. Turquoise dealer. Chatroulette addict. Andersonville. (Hurting 2), Monday, 29 July 2013 21:07 (six years ago) link

I had a terrible idea, which was to start a thread called "Describe yourself in the harshest, most uncharitable way possible."

fervently nice (Treeship), Monday, 29 July 2013 21:10 (six years ago) link

omg, it exists already

so does
"keep calm and i drink your milkshake"

however

"keep calm and don't taze me bro" is open

PJ. Turquoise dealer. Chatroulette addict. Andersonville. (Hurting 2), Monday, 29 July 2013 21:16 (six years ago) link

i think that's a great idea xp

Mordy , Monday, 29 July 2013 21:30 (six years ago) link

KEEP CALM
and
DROWN CATS
& BLIND PUPPIES

Ppd. (weatheringdaleson), Monday, 29 July 2013 23:23 (six years ago) link

This came to me in a vision on the way home -- it's a movie in which Clint Eastwood plays a truck driver who picks up a hitchhiking Chris Tucker, and the rest of the film is just two hours of them talking in the truck, with Clint Eastwood doing more or less his character from Gran Torino, and every exchange is Chris Tucker doing his stupid schtick and Eastwood responding with his slow, salty barbs. "Yeah so I really appreciate you pickin me up dawg" "I'm not your...dawg." "So what up man you like hip-hop or what?" "No...I don't like...hip - hop."

HOOS next aka won't get steened again (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 31 July 2013 03:51 (six years ago) link

If Chris Tucker hadn't self-imploded that would be available on Netflix right now

sassy, fun, and RELATABLE (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 31 July 2013 04:12 (six years ago) link

My Drive Wit Dre