wtf, CNN.com

pelicans are v v important

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3047/2456224307_3fdd3938bb_o.jpg

lol

in soviet russia trees get stuck up pelicans

"We're Sending Our Love Up a Tree"

If it trees, it leads.

can somebody summarize this thread for me - is there a pelican stuck up a tree in Florida

stay classy, cnn.com

the chicago band?

what about their new t-shirt feature? I was going to post yesterday that I could get a lovely shirt with a headline about a dead child

Other currently developing love stories that apparently weren't important enough to be marked as the top story:

National Day on Prayer
Democrats on Iraq
McCain campaigns in Cleveland

http://img33.picoodle.com/img/img33/4/5/1/f_treem_29b6a94.jpg

I was going to post yesterday that I could get a lovely shirt with a headline about a dead child

Very Butthole Surfers.

roffle

there should be an all-pelican-and-grapefruit channel

I DIED OTM. I await Obama's book about the experience.

Comment submitted to be read live on-air:

I, for one, would like to know the pelican's position on the gas tax holiday.

the audacity of trees

if u dont care about pelicans then u are letting the terrists win.

the audacity of trees

That could seriously be a Pelican album title.

what are the pelican's flaws?

gets stuck in trees

how does an creature granted with the gift of flight get stuck in a tree? is it lazy?

an -> a

i think we all need to know what pelican's pastor thinks.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3068/2457097242_ed0e27107c_o.jpg

UPDATE

The full context is super-roffly; look at the videos they decided not to lead with in favor of the pelican story:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3123/2457097264_932e6aa5e3_o.jpg

By the time this is all done the bill is going to be huge.

lolololol they are now showing Obama speaking about race and the economy, still under the headline "Pelican stuck in tree"

omgosh

bah, they fixed it

I can't imagine being the editor that said "let's go with the tree pelican over BABIES TOSSED OFF 50-FOOT TOWER FOR LUCK"

lolololol they are now showing Obama speaking about race and the economy, still under the headline "Pelican stuck in tree"

NEW CAMPAIGN METAPHOR

Guys, it's contagious: as I'm typing this, the BBC (BBC 2 TV) have a graphologist analyzing this year's Snooker world championship quarter finalists' handwriting.

Recuers?

baby tossing footage is mind-blowing

"no, no, no oh shit they're not really oh shit they are HEY THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN"

the bouncing, not the dropping

Which would you rather do this weekend?
Play "Grand Theft Auto IV" 8%
Watch "Iron Man" 15%
Both 4%
Neither 72%

lol, CNN.com didn't count on the silent "Not A Big Fucking Nerd" majority

Which would you rather do this weekend?
Get stuck in tree 8%
Drop babies for luck 15%
17 minutes, 4 seconds - no breathing 4%
Don't let a hospital kill you 72%

WHO RECUE ME FROM HOSPITAL DEATH?

So is the pelican okay? PLZ let me know soon cause I gotta go camp out for Iron Man tix...

Sign up for instant pelican updates on your phone and you'll not have to worry.

Opportunity!

Firefox can't find the server at www.treestrandedpelican.com

I just searched for news on the pelican because I'm on the edge of my seat here. All I found was this thread.

Is SOMEONE chucking live fish up to it? Please, a firefighter helicopter needs to drop buckets of live fish over this tree.

Prosty the Spokesgland

Pelican Prosty

the stranded spokesfowl

when's the news conference- i need a pelican brief

how does an creature granted with the gift of flight get stuck in a tree? is it lazy?

-- kingfish, Thursday, May 1, 2008 2:37 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

http://www.alpacino.ws/img/ap_head.jpg

Fly, Pelican, Fly!

DANIA BEACH, Fla. -- Firefighters had to rescue a pelican that was dangling from a tree about 50 feet in the air Thursday.

The pelican was hanging upside down by its wing from some monofilament line in an Australian pine tree near the Dania Beach pier.

Beachgoer Sharon Schultz spotted the pelican Thursday morning.

"At first I thought he was dead, and I came and looked closer and he was struggling," Schultz said.

Schultz said she went to the pier for help and was told the bird had been hanging there since Tuesday. She was also told that a wildlife group had already come, but she was incensed by what she perceived to be a lack of sympathy for the animal.

"They said it was dead," Schultz said. "They weren't going to do nothing about it, so I called (Local) 10. I didn't know what else to do, and now everybody's here to get the bird out of the tree. That's all I wanted."

Hollywood firefighters used a ladder truck to rescue the bird. They snipped the wire and brought it down safely.

http://www.local10.com/2008/0501/16107543.jpg

not so funny now, is it fuckers?

dangling pelican vs dangling Reverend

poor poor pelican

They could have leaned a little harder on the "psychos think it's cool to leave dead birds hanging from trees for days" angle.

rolling marine critters in distress thread:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/30/AR2008043003189_pf.html

White house to endangered whales - eat it, suckers!

More like pelican't, amirite?

rolling marine critters in distress thread:

yeah that's not the title
if I wanted to hear about the fucking white house I wouldn't be looking at cnn.com now would I

dangling pelican vs dangling Reverend

-- Dr Morbius, Thursday, May 1, 2008 1:04 PM (Thursday, May 1, 2008 1:04 PM) Bookmark Link

um, what?

reverend wright

he's lettin it hang out.

Kelly Tilghman?

meanwhile, US dockworkers have shut down one of the busiest port systems in the world in protest of the iraq war and cnn's got nuthin

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-ports2-2008may02,0,474763.story

estimated cost of west coast ports closing for one day: $1 billion

CNN.com Headline:

14th-century shipwreck laden with treasure found

* Story Highlights
* Geologists on a search for diamonds off Namibia stumble on a shipwreck
* Ship loaded with gold coins, elephant tusks, copper and cannons
* Ship dates to late 1400s- early 1500s, heyday of de Gama and Columbus
* Archaelogist speculates: Was captain on official business, or was he a pirate?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/05/01/Namibia.shipwreck.ap/index.html

Point to one thing wrong with that and you're smarter than the unpaid intern they replaced the full-time copy editor with.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

lol

hahahahah

They fixed it (perhaps that intern lurks on ILE).

Video report on out of control binge drinking rising among women - alarm! Commercial leading into video - Miller LIte party time! Not joking.

Let's see if you get the same:

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2008/05/01/newton.uk.drowning.controversy.cnn

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/books/05/01/tv.walters.affair.ap/index.html

wau

current headline:

Police: Mom found 'D.C. Madam' hanged herself

okay waht

I'm sure there was absolutely NO foul play involved in that one!

'D.C. Madam' found dead

Let the speculation fly!

Police: Mom found 'D.C. Madam' hanged herself

headline still up, still totally ungrammatical

CNN's also selling t-shirts of their headlines now.

http://www.cnn.com/tshirt/allshirts/index.html

holy shit

Ducks Get Police Escort Across 4 Lanes

What happened to the incest dad!?!?!

Incest Dad Gets Police Escort Into 4 Lanes

Incest Ducks Gets Police Escort Into 4 Lanes

"Shocking Ad Shows Real Waterboarding" lol

i'm gonna buy shirts for every headline that appears every day for a week

no i'm not

Incest dad stuck in a tree in Austria

k-i-s-s-i-n--------- oh i'm going to hell.

Say hi to incest dad when you get there!

here's the other irritating thing about cnn.com lately: why the fuck are so many news stories video only? I know cnn is a tv network, but most of these things have AP or reuters written news stories; please put those up as well. I'd rather not sit here at watch TV at work.

Teens texting, 'sexting' on cell phones

yea, I'd like to see the video as an embed like right justified inside the text story

http://i32.tinypic.com/w8amif.png

also not clear if 3rd headline refers to first headline or second

why no t-shirt for the dead thrown into rivers?

aren't the last two just sub-headlines for the first?

oh shit

i better start the RIP Mario thread

http://i25.tinypic.com/5ej05x.png

Mom's gift to kids: 'No!'

aw, sweet

Are you trying to soothe your child with things?

Jaime sticks to asking her mom for "important stuff -- like shoes," she says.

SMOTHER HER WITH SHOES

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7390109.stm

TRACER HAND: why doesn't the BBC have a headline shirt business

I'm glad someone else noticed that story.

I'm psychic...I have that ESPN. My boobs can tell when it's going to rain.

Well, they can tell when it's raining.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/08/sci_nat_enl_1210267279/img/laun.jpg

WHERE DA TITTIES AT????

Dead voted off of 'Dancing with the Stars', Living wait for Aid

those baby tits are terrifying

More boobs need gapping yellow maws and protuberant bruises.

YELLOW NIPPLE VACUUM WILL PALPATE YOUR GLANS AWKWARDLY

are you on something

!

o_O pills f'rinstance

though even I have to admit that "my boobs can tell me when it's raining" would make a great song lyric, particularly for a ballad

I am trying to ruin boobs.

...?
maybe?

that was an awesome o_O though, not a creepy o_O

xxpost "my boobs can tell me when it's raining" is from Mean Girls!

oh I only remember the bus collision from that movie

My penis can tell when it's raining too! Though I have to stand naked outside for it to work.

wtf, tuomas.com

So I guess those junior-high dirty joke books finally crossed the Atlantic.

Awww, dude.

RIP pelican. If it died.

it's really vile and demeaning when they refer to people as "iReporters", esp. the widows of dead soldiers and people battling cancer etc.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/05/23/charles.growth.ap/index.html

bye, Camilla

http://www.nailpassion.com/famousw/Camilla/wncamilla.jpg

Will miss U.

this is a gr8 thread

FDA warns of harmful nipple cream

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/05/23/fda.nipple.cream.ap/index.html

iReporters? So condescending, like 'citizen journalist'. Previous generations could understand the meaning of 'vox populi' just fine.

Also where's the writ from Apple?

see im alright with them calling ppl who send in videos of pelicans "iReporters". i bristle more at them referring to the widows of dead soldiers as iReporters, like they're reporting about their husband's death on their camera phone or something. idk it's just really awful and yeah condescending

I cannot help but have 'come the revolution' thoughts about people who send their kitteh videos to the news networks.

I have those thoughts about the news networks who show them.

I just have these thoughts.

I.

.I

Man struck by lightning, says 'it hurt'

PROFOUND

'it hurt'

So close to 'butthurt,' so far from the reality.

One of my high school classmates (a cousin of FB, actually) was hit by lightning about... 16? years ago; the little toe on each foot was melted off but his actual shoes survived unscathed. We told him he should mail them (the shoes, sicko) to Nike and angle for free footwear.

My best friend from high school was killed by a lightning strike 12 years ago this week. He was wearing sunglasses at the time, and the frame melted right at the bridge. Amazing.

(Not trying to be a buzzkill with this. He would have thought it was hilarious, actually, and it kind of was.)

Bridge to Tererofflia

http://bp1.blogger.com/_SDqU7KTqq1M/R2n2xTnhXKI/AAAAAAAAAHc/P-Ry9yr_QF8/s1600-h/cnn-britney.jpg

Hahaha Ned. To make it even funnier, he was standing on a dock pulling in a crab trap at the time.

Jackson also used n-word during gaffe

Rapper explains why he didn't use n-word

This episode of cnn.com has been brought to you by the letter N.

God fucking dammit why oh why must every headline I find maybe interesting on cnn.com be a fucking video link I mean for god's sake is the printed word really so much to ask when reading news?

tonight larry king was doing something on ufos so whenever i looked up the headlines were all like, "aliens: what do they want from humans?"

en i see kay oh tee em

tonight larry king was doing something on ufos so whenever i looked up the headlines were all like, "aliens: what do they want from humans?"

-- tipsy mothra, Saturday, July 19, 2008 8:15 AM (2 days ago) Bookmark Link

yeah people at the hotel were like 'what the hell is going on are we being invaded'

no dumbass

we are not

God fucking dammit why oh why must every headline I find maybe interesting on cnn.com be a fucking video link

no fucking shit, i do not want to watch TV on my computer, CNN, lazy fuckos

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/07/25/jet.emergency/index.html

Note the headline on this story. It is listed on the front page as:

Gash appears on jet at 29,000 feet

(maybe this is more accurately "wtf, my 13-year-old maturity level")

you are messed up

Google Top CNN headlines:
Bus rider beheads seat mate, witness says
Guilty verdict in videotaped torture death
Police: Preacher killed wife, put her in freezer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KDO_yCYcuU
(2:25-2:35)

Swinger sex case 'about pure evil,' prosecutor says

Okay, so it's going to be, like, an obscenity case with some consenting adults havin' weird sex and an overzealous prosecutor, right?

An East Texas man took part in "pure evil" by helping to run swinger parties that forced children as young as 5 to have sex...

Oh wait, it's about CHILD RAPISTS. You know those swingers, always RAPING CHILDREN.

hey guys @ cnn.com video, showing 5 consecutive still photos /= a "time lapse"

Japan: Bunch of grapes sold for $910

Oh wait, it's about CHILD RAPISTS. You know those swingers, always RAPING CHILDREN.

-- en i see kay, Wednesday, August 6, 2008 6:16 PM (5 days ago) Bookmark Link

that's pretty much pure evil. sorry, what is your point?

The point is that the headline should have focused less on the "swingers" part and more on the "raping children" part.

It was that the headline (and to a lesser extent, the story) pretty much conflates people who have non-standard sex lives with pedophiles.

I mean, a case where a group of adults are forcing children to have sex is not a 'Swinger sex case'.

xpost Thx Dan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XT2UmZxzmjs

sexsiren69 (5 days ago) Show Hide 0 Marked as spam Reply | Spam hahahahahahaha good for the mcDonalds worker that got what they wanted
people like dat always have something to say bad to transexuals and then when the transexuals fight back its a problem let this be known transexuals are not haveing it for the 08 and for the furture so test those girls if you want tooo

Squeeze fruit seeds, get fuel
from *CNN*.com - Breaking News, U.S., World, Weather, Entertainment *...*
Bryan Beer, a citrus grower in southwestern Florida, sees himself as a bit of a pioneer. He's not digging for gold. It's more like he's planting for oil.

lol

Potato looks like Mickey Mouse http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/img/2.0/global/icons/video_icon.gif

'How do I say no' to the limbless?

(solely because of the stupid, stupid headline)

"no" <--- like that

Chris Kattan, wife of eight weeks file for separation

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Comedian Chris Kattan's marriage to his model wife lasted almost as long as a "Saturday Night Live" skit.

wtf, ap

holy shit

At least it has a real ending [/friars club]

http://thepage.time.com/2008/08/24/a-wolf-in-denver-clothing/

okay lol at this being available ad a t-shirt:

Palin killed bridge, but kept the money

I couldn't find any similar thread for the BBC website, but those fruity Brits seem like they have a lot more fun at work.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7622492.stm

Thursday is cat news day on CNN.com:

Rescuers free 'miracle cat' from toilet

Actor allegedly beat cat to death

Chimp takes Segway for ride, then bails

huh

i thought that said "and balls" for a second.

Does a chimp ever take anything for a ride and then NOT "bail"?

that space monkey didn't "bail"

so I'm guessing ppl didn't make it all the way to the end of the clip...?

Baby eats crack at party http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/img/2.0/global/icons/video_icon.gif

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/img/2.0/global/icons/video_icon.gif

'Hit a Jew day' gets 6th graders in trouble http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/img/2.0/global/icons/video_icon.gif

Principal Linda Lelonek called an assembly Tuesday and turned the incident into a teachable moment.

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/img/2.0/global/icons/video_icon.gif

"The worse things get the plainer the experts talk, that may or may not be true but if it is you heard it here first"

REAL NEWS

in other news: chocolate is sweet! sex is fun!

chocolate isn't sweet

Woman, 75, shoots intruder in crotch

okay, might actually do this one

http://img34.picoodle.com/img/img34/3/11/5/f_cnnshirtm_f5a7e5c.jpg

did someone move this from ILE?

and can you move it back? we already have a cnn thread.

weird

i for one welcome it

one is for the site, one is for the channel

1p3: official ilx cnn hub

Tweeting the terror: Social networks react

currently the headline story:

No good way to tell kids they have cancer

When her mom and dad called her into the den, 9-year-old Gigi Pasley thought they were going to tell her a big surprise, "a good surprise" she said. Instead, they told Gigi she had cancer. "She burst out with this awful sound, a moan, a scream of complete and utter agony," said her mother, Jessica Pasley. The Pasleys learned that day there's no good way to tell your child she has cancer. full story

What, no spoonful of sugar?

The Pasleys learned that day there's no good way to tell your child she has cancer.

Really. The Pasleys had to learn this.

"The good new is, you're not going to have to play dodge ball with that mean ol' coach anymore."

"You know how you hate how your curly hair keeps getting tangled up after you get out of bed? Well guess what."

plz plz plz tell me that the daughter invented this surprise thing herself and that her parents didn't actually use the word when they called her in because yikes

that is shades of the kindergarten teacher who told us all we were going to listen to the news because one of our classmates was going to be on, only for us to hear a story about how was killed in a car accident because he was sticking his head out of the window

holeeshit

bet you never stuck your head out the window after that

"No good way to tell kids they have cancer

When her mom and dad called her into the den, 9-year-old Gigi Pasley thought they were going to tell her a big surprise, "a good surprise" she said. Instead, they told Gigi she had cancer. "She burst out with this awful sound, a moan, a scream of complete and utter agony," said her mother, Jessica Pasley. The Pasleys learned that day there's no good way to tell your child she has cancer. full story"

Oh man. That just screams newbie writer with a "great lead" for her "serious feature"

Cafferty: What should Senate do on Burris?

uh

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2009/01/21/germaise.actor.shot.in.head.wfts

really more "wtf, this story"

wrong link?

bah the video isn't working now

To summarize: old dude shoots older dude in the head while rehearsing a community theater production of "Damn Yankees". Shot dude got through WWII without seeing gunfire but not dress rehearsal. Reporter is a total tool throughout.

"Swear-In Oops -- So He Did It Again"

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/01/23/lw.opposite.sex.friends/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

chandler and monica anyone?

good picture - really sums up the article

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

• Some people have long-term, opposite-sex friendships
• Wife says she has become very close with her husband's gal pal
• Psychologist: Jealousy over such friendship can be result of projection
• Life coach: Socialize as a group, acknowledge spouse in front of friend

Don't Miss

• What is virginity worth today?

"Chimp had tea, Xanax before vicious attack"

why can I not get this as a shirt?????

so Penn Gillette is a fucking political commentator now? gross

First lady, queen embrace; tongues wag

you know i thought penn was a dbag blowhard even when i just knew of his work as a magician

i had some srsops about magicans back inna day

The 'endlessly entertaining' music of M. Ward

http://i43.tinypic.com/2l89a87.png

can you even do that???

man see u

http://robertswartwood.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/wire-towers.jpg

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/04/15/bromance/index.html

Are you and best buddy in a 'bromance'?

STORY HIGHLIGHTS
Movies, TV shows celebrate "bromances"
Bromance is a close, nonsexual relationship between men
Psychologist: Straight men who share feelings with men may make better partners

let me see if i get this right

men can be friends and it's not a gay thing

ok whatever

Guy Fieri, TV host of Food Network's "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives," is another man who has sampled many burgers during his cross-country travels. He believes the hamburger is an American icon that has won appeal from every culture in the nation's melting pot. He also feels the sandwich has been the target of some abuse.

"I think some people have played with its reputation a little bit," Fieri said. "I can't say I'm a fan of a pre-cooked frozen patty on a bun, packaged in a cellophane container."

stop sandwich abuse, i'm with him on this

He believes the hamburger is an American icon that has won appeal from every culture in the nation's melting pot.
He believes the hamburger is an American icon that has won appeal from every culture in the nation's melting pot.
He believes the hamburger is an American icon that has won appeal from every culture in the nation's melting pot.
He believes the hamburger is an American icon that has won appeal from every culture in the nation's melting pot.
He believes the hamburger is an American icon that has won appeal from every culture in the nation's melting pot.
He believes the hamburger is an American icon that has won appeal from every culture in the nation's melting pot.
He believes the hamburger is an American icon that has won appeal from every culture in the nation's melting pot.

btw had a burger last night--med rare, ham, bacon, american cheese, grilled onions, tobasco sauce. delicious.

now THAT'S news

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2009/04/24/dnt.woman.bear.hit.run.kktv

probably more wtf, bear

'Brady Bunch' mom hugs a lot of people

# Puppy accidentally flushed down toilet Video

http://i27.tinypic.com/2znz4ns.png

classy!!

belly roll caused such a stir that it killed ted kennedy

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v136/primrosehill/fjhkgbbb.jpg

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/09/04/test.now/index.html?eref=rss_latest

wtf, CNN.com

on cnn.com now: "More good news from celebrities"

thanks

here's some now!!

"Jon Stewart zings CNN anchor, iPhone"

haha "Letterman suspect had problems"

THIS IS AN ACTUAL HEADLINE ON THE FRONT PAGE RIGHT NOW:

Singer's anthem fail is in good company

"anthem fail"?????????????? wtf

aggggghhhhhhh make it stop

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2009/10/13/ac.shot.mon.cnn

gonna admit, the video is kind of hilarious tho

poor hockey girl

Some Hong Kong teens get paid for sex http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/img/2.0/global/icons/video_icon.gif

XD

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SPORT/10/25/golf.pimped.cart.hummer/index.html

Literally anything is possible when it comes to "pimping" up your golf buggy, with all sorts of unique options available.

hahaaha pimping up!!

CNN affiliate KCRA captured footage of students outside the building shouting, "Who's university? Our university!"

wow

who is university? we are!!!!

Palin says 'drill baby drill' for oil http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/img/v3/icons/video_text.gif

thank you news.bbc.co.uk for this important news update

BREAKING NEWS

http://i.imgur.com/cl2Uu.jpg

"Two sides of Confederacy debate" is so classic

"Smelly students prompt MIT action" lol IT

Bullock adoption of black tot debated

What if the Tea Party were black?

Bullock black baby blunder batted back-and-forth.

^ (they might as well have said)

I've waited all my life to see something like this:

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2010/05/04/vo.teens.saved.from.waterfall.cnn?hpt=T2

Be sure to stay tuned for "Badger on the loose in post office"

Breaking News: New York's Times Square evacuated.

... well thanks, wanna tell us WHY

"suspicious" "package"

seriously what year is this stock image from?

http://i42.tinypic.com/xm04kx.png

http://i42.tinypic.com/2v12003.png

hahaha

PROFESSIONAL PHOTO ILLUSTRATION

http://i44.tinypic.com/2ymgaxf.png

currently on main page:

"Aniston denies eating baby food"
"Surf's up for amputees"
"Laser turns 50, but almost didn't happen"
"I married a Star Wars stormtrooper"

"Surf's up for amputees"

^one of the best dead milkmen songs iMO

lmao!

Surf's up amputees fags!!!

Typos: Where's the outrage?

Who cares if a few words are mistyped these days? It's digital. It's done in a flash. So goes much of current thought. Not so fast, says columnist Bob Greene. Accuracy matters. It's a matter of discipline and diligence. FULL STORY

Cop stomps on innocent man's head

Octopus catches shark for dinner

c'mon now

http://i48.tinypic.com/2cfqtr5.png

gay blood!

http://i47.tinypic.com/10n9wrl.png

subject line + lead post like my all-time fave ilx moment after hats get washed & people who don't like dmb get shot at

Limbs, dreams lost on 'train of death'

hahaha

Lou Gehrig's victim: Kill me for my organs

Tila Tequila suffers cuts, but escapes juggalos attack

"The witness asked not to be identified so that he does not anger the juggalos."

proprietor of gib do you have a link for this amazing story

http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/celebrity.news.gossip/08/15/tila.tequila.attacked/index.html

"Pretty soon, the owners who run the juggalos will be bankrupt," she tweeted.

lmaoooo

Witness: Violence escalated when she took off her top

:/

Stephen Hawking: God didn't create universe

246,926,195,409,564 people shared this.

35000 times the world population shared this

the rest of the universe pitched in

lol

Christina Hendricks turns on men and women

First she slowly and methodically gains their trust - regardless of gender - and then she turns on them.

lol

'Gringo van der Sloot' offered pot in prison

the fact that that is a news item is lol

Fury grows in France over retirement age

A major airport in France was blocked and a huge rally was planned in Paris -- all due to anger over a pension bill. Lady Gaga canceled concerts because of the chaos. FULL STORY

http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2010/POLITICS/10/27/gop.ad.wizard/c1main.demon.sheep.yt.jpg

Parker Spitzer: ___________________

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2010/12/01/exp.pn.nutmeg.high.hln?hpt=T2

lol

Squirrel in toilet scares granny

ill say

the internet has saved journalism

Giant oil pipeline would dissect U.S.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/TECH/web/02/02/google.bing.sting/index.html?hpt=T2

Microsoft's search engine Bing is copying results from Google, the dominant search engine on the internet, has claimed.

It's early and I haven't had any caffiene yet, but that's not a sentence, right?

haha it's not

there shouldn't be a comma after internet

Man allegedly karate chops air marshall

I understand why they have to use "allegedly" here but... come on.

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

* LZ Granderson: Some parents dress their young girls in provocative outfits
* Retailers have encouraged this behavior by marketing inappropriate clothing
* He says it's OK to blame retailers, but it's parents who are ultimately responsible
* Children need parents who will set rules, not be their friends, he says

hahahahaha I was going to post this rant but I spent too much time OTM-ing it to feel like I wasn't being a big hypocrite

yeah i mean i sympathize but he threw "whore" and "prostitute" around A LOT also his writing voice is really annoying

What's that you say? Ten-year-olds can't drive? They don't have money, either? Well, how else are they getting ahold of these push-up bras and whore-friendly panties?

Their parents?

Noooo, couldn't be.

c'mon man

i was just complaining about this article, a parent friend of mine linked it

the title actually says "like tramps"

He has a new one where he complains about getting egged possibly for being black

It eventually segues into a much more reasonable discussion of how honest discussion of racial issues can't go forward without listening to other peoples' viewpoints but the beginning is incredibly dumb; my first reaction was "are you sure you didn't get egged for being the guy who writes unnecessarily contentious opinion pieces on CNN.com?"

Lol

lol

i like how he starts this article with the descrip of the 8 year old girl w/ bo derek braids and lip gloss and one of the comments was like "wait. arent u wearing bo derek braids and lip gloss in your photo there"

Also I loved the reference to the "xtina era"

some good polls could come from the "story highlights" of cnn.com opinion pieces

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2011/04/20/natpkg.opinion.lz.tramp.clothes.cnn?hpt=C2

lol he's taking on the commenters

(unsurprisingly he skips the braids/lip gloss comment)

this guy

couldn't find a better picture for the R.I.P. story, i guess?

http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2011/images/04/20/t1larg.tv.radio.performance.jpg
Gerard Smith, back center, performs with TV On the Radio as part of the 2007 Virgin Festival in Baltimore, Maryland.

Dodson used an Internet acronym, part of which typically means, "rolling on the ... floor" laughing.

????

rot...fl

l...ol

Let me be the first to tell it!! So just got out of jail off a weak charge. LmaORoTfF!!!!! Got pulled over in my (cont)

digging deep

CNN) -- Sony's PlayStation network continued to be down on Friday morning.

The company on Thursday posted a statement on its blog saying the outage, which prevents users of that gaming system from accessing online features, may continue for "a full day or two."

PlayStation users expressed frustration about the crash.

"Dear @playstation, I'ma need for y'all 2 fix this 'not signing' into the playstation network bs asap," one Twitter user wrote.

It's unclear what caused the network to fail, and Sony did not immediately respond to a CNN request for comment.

one of the lead stories on the entertainment page

With apologies to Samuel Norman.

Spacewalking Astronaut Gets Soap in Eye

The spacewalkers noted that tears in space "don't fall off of your eye ... they kind of stay there."

Also, did anyone else read this headline the same way i did?

HA HA HAHAH AHAHAA!

http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2011/05/31/unborn-child-has-facebook-profile/?hpt=hp_c2

http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2011/06/07/20-bodies-found-in-texas-home-official-says/?iref=obnetwork

this is classic reporting right here

Haha.

I had seen that story in my RSS feed, but hadn't followed up on it. Good Lord.

This is a TOP STORY on Yahoo News:

Brady Bunch mom got crabs in affair with NY mayor

Kelly Rowland accidentally unleashes her breasts during concert

"unleashes"? Did they run off stage and savage the crowd?

On Friday, Nicki Minaj turned some heads when her left nipple freed itself from the confines of her outfit and said "Hello!" to a national television audience during a performance on "Good Morning America."

HELLO

Hello!

http://news.yahoo.com/chicago-home-repairman-charged-swallowing-clients-ring-185921800.html?bouchon=602,il

The officers subsequently retrieved the missing ring.

That sentence is doing a lot of work

it seems gaddhafi's regime has likely just ended

CNN is live on the air. they just ran a piece on chuck brown and dc go-go <3 and now are covering casey anthony's car

lol amazing

msnbc.com weighs in with the worst "paired the wrong article & headline when submitting to the aggregator" combo in memory:

Treme' actor found dead in Mississippi River
msnbc.com - ‎13 minutes ago‎

From Austin Powers to Ron Burgundy, lead characters don't always need to be brainiacs. With a nod to this week's "Our Idiot Brother," here's a look at our favorite dumb guy moments.

http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2011/images/08/30/t1larg.vampire.jpg

Geek Out: Where my Goths at?

Drunken moose ends up stuck in Swedish apple tree

I saw that story on CNN when I was home sick this week, didn't even occur to me to look for it on the site

Thomas Jefferson famously wrote about the wall of separation between church and state. He didn't mention separating church and politics, but everybody knows that's a sticky wicket, expecially as 2012 approaches.

Thomas Jefferson famously wrote about the wall of separation between church and state. He didn't mention separating church and politics, but everybody knows that's a sticky wicket, expecially as 2012 approaches.

http://news.yahoo.com/nigerian-actor-freed-25-bowel-movements-152549263.html

Why I orgasmed in an MRI scanner

um

I think we can come up with much better reasons than "I was doing it for research"

so orgasm is officially a verb now is it that can be past tensed

her boyfriend was running the MRI machine and its his fetish to pleasure himself to images of women's brains taken as they're stimulating themselves.

To Nestlé’s amazing good fortune, the word Kit Kat sounds similar to the Japanese phrase “Kitto Katsu”, which roughly translates to mean “surely win.” It’s a term of good luck often used by students before their exams, but to Nestle it has sounded more like “Ka-ching!”

hahahaa

Boy aims to solve euro crisis with pizza

I'm on the world's slowest connection so I haven't watched the video but:

10-foot beehive a 'mountain of hell'

"mountain" is a bit of a misnomer. it was in somebody's exterior wall. It was pretty big, but maybe not actually cable news big.

http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u120/kingkonggodzilla/bees.jpg

this was the best shot they got of it in the whole thing.

the guy is standing on a ladder, but still.

That is a headline crying out to be turned into a song

It's only a mountain of hell if you don't like bees!

current headline

Five Olympic things to watch today

1. The Olympics
2. um...

It's the "things".

http://costumepop.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/thing-12-crop.jpg

See bear walk through hotel lobby http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.e/img/3.0/global/icons/video_icon.gif
Deputy rescues moose in swing set http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.e/img/3.0/global/icons/video_icon.gif
Watch alligator bite trainer at fair
Watch dog swim with dolphins

when did cnn become your annoying relatives

Rage against anti-Islam film spreads to Africa

Rage against anti-Islam film started in Africa, you fucking dongs!

http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_c2#/video/living/2012/09/04/orig-jtb-cnn-distraction-five-years.cnn

photo-a-day for 5 years! never seen that before.

i like how yesterday they wrote about how a new monkey species had been found in the congo and then there was a sidebar about celeb it most resembled, jake gyllenhall and jesus were represented

http://www.cnn.com/2012/09/21/us/ohio-woman-marries-father/index.html?c=us&page=4

She has a deep, abiding faith in God, who she believes has guided her through the experience -- and others that have shaped her life.

"You have to have faith," she said. "If God brought me this far, he's not going to leave me now."

Child when you saw one set of footprints it's because you were somewhere else giving it up to your dad

Huge lol

That whole story blows my mind. Usually open secrets among family members are along the lines of my uncle who occasionally partook in the drink. I'd love to hear the rationale behind the relatives who decided to just not say a word.

that is some dark shit

oh my god

Spruill met and married her husband-father

http://www.ohio.com/news/local/bob-dyer-one-twisted-family-tree-woman-finds-out-late-husband-was-also-her-father-1.332813

For years, she overheard odd whispers she couldn’t figure out. She finally learned the truth from an uncle not long after her husband/father’s death.

When asked to estimate how many people know about this, she laughs and says, “Half of Akron.” (lol...)

Spruill says she confirmed the relationship with a DNA test. And if anyone doubts it, she says, she still has plenty of his DNA: About five years ago, she found a hairbrush of his that somehow had become lodged under their dresser.

Now, I think it’s safe to say there aren’t a lot of support groups for people who marry their fathers. Fortunately, Spruill has been working with a therapist since she found out. She praises the therapist for helping her realize she did nothing wrong.

“I’ve been getting great help,” she says, “because, God knows, if I hadn’t of went and aired out how I feel, I wouldn’t have made it, because I would have continued to stress out about this problem.”

Still, the pain understandably persists. As she tells her tale to a writer whom she doesn’t know but says she trusts, an occasional drop of moisture slides down her dark brown skin toward a mouth that can’t seem to avoid curling upward in the corners even as she dredges up the most traumatic of memories. (tears?)

The man in question, Percy Spruill, died in April 1998 at the age of 60. Born in Mississippi, he worked in Akron as a truck driver and, later, as a parking-lot attendant at Morley Health Center.

He and Valerie’s mother hooked up when he was only 15.

We’re not sure how many offspring Percy Spruill helped produce, but at one point, apparently, he figured that one of them would be a suitable spouse.

Although Valerie says she is not 100 percent certain he knew, because he never talked about it, she strongly believes he was aware of the taboo he had committed but was simply afraid to tell her.

“And you have to see that blessing that God gave you and accept that hand. Because everybody’s dealt a hand, and it’s not always good and it’s not always bad. But if you live that hand that God gave you, it’s gonna be all right. It’s gonna be all right. Yes, it is.”

God is a benevolent prankster

I wonder if my parents knew this dude, he was only two years older than them...

"we were there to congratulate him when she was born and later when he married her"

" A woman and her daughter are in a car crash. The mother is killed and her daughter is taken to hospital gravely injured. When she gets there, the surgeon says, 'I can't operate on this woman - for she is my daughter!!!' How can this possibly be?"

(˙ǝɟıʍ s,uɐɯ ǝɥʇ oslɐ sı ɹǝʇɥƃnɐp ǝɥʇ :uoıʇnlos)

As she tells her tale to a writer whom she doesn’t know but says she trusts, an occasional drop of moisture slides down her dark brown skin toward a mouth that can’t seem to avoid curling upward in the corners even as she dredges up the most traumatic of memories. (tears?)

on the little cnn.com box on my home page:

Slams Obama welfare policy
Mitt Romney doubles down on his claim that President Obama is trying to take the work requirement out of welfare.

Opinion: Please drop the 'double-down'

Obama at U.N., jabbed on foreign policy

BELIEF
The danger of 'spiritual, but not religious'
More and more people are rejecting formal religion for a hodge-podge approach to spirituality that stresses positive feelings. Alan Miller argues that such an attitude is a cop-out that avoids having to deal with important questions.

Important questions such as, "Was coexisting with the dinosaurs really as fun as it looked on The Flintstones?".

really this belongs on "well DUH, cnn.com"

http://www.hlntv.com/article/2012/09/28/study-binge-drinking-students-happier?hpt=hp_c2

Alan Miller argues that such an attitude is a cop-out that avoids having to deal with important questions.

As if conventional religions never cop out and avoid dealing with important questions...

is binge drinking considered an unconventional religion

haw oops didnt realize that was old

Severe weather threatens midsection

afaik the only 3 front page images CNN.com has shown over the last week are Paula deen, gandolfini, and--mostly--this one.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v212/etienne_saint/image_zps5e0dd030.jpg

lol

slow news life

I don't know why but he reminds me of cameron carr

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v212/etienne_saint/image_zpsf828dea7.jpg

snowden should do a photoshoot with terry richardson. give the media more options.

26 movies added to Netflix streaming content

it's like the dark ages for cinema, apparently there's literally nowhere one can view 'titanic' now that netflix streaming has deleted it.

on the other hand, rejoice because 'american psycho' is back from oblivion.

why have news outlets been making netflix streaming a story lately when this happens all the time? it's weird.

http://i.imgur.com/oEZVxIU.png

the real story is good burger on netflix imo

http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/dam/assets/140214164116-neknominate-drinking-game-c1-main.jpg

nwes

This is it! Uh, not really - MH370 spotting

there are some good ones here

MORE TOP STORIES

Pope's surprising comments on divorce
Ex-Blue Angels leader investigated
Obama: Japan robots 'little scary'
Pastor's son says he visited heaven
Guess who's turning 50?
Listen up! Best headphones ranked
Rocket launches then LANDS! Rocket launches then LANDS!
Waitress trying to bury customer Waitress trying to bury customer
Google Glass can help you breastfeed
Whoa, baby! Newborn is 14.5 lbs Whoa, baby! Newborn is 14.5 lbs
Ghost in stands at soccer match?

Mila Kunis has an exotic name and an equally exotic background: She was born in Chernivtsi, Ukraine, in 1983, when it was part of the USSR. Her family came to the United States in 1991 with $250.

omg

Cop does what to snake in toilet?

http://i58.tinypic.com/oswzsj.jpg

Photos: Tears -- lots of tears

This is wonderful

(CNN) -- A Florida town has banned people -- let's face it, young people -- from wearing saggy pants.

let's face it

young people

flying to Florida to wear saggy pants

plz notify my next of kin

instantly imagining DJP using enormous pants to sail through the air to florida

loool

http://daviegan.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/hot-air-balloon-16.jpg

otm

I can't remember the last time I saw someone dressed that way.

'Ghost' attacks news crew

How could such a personality die?
Finally, I can forgive my mentally ill mom
Why the Earth is farting
Rand Paul: The flip-flop king

That sounds like the four parts of a three-minute Robin Williams routine.

genuine lol

Is this the death of the potato chip?
Could you get into this hipster hobby?
Can nice people make money?
Why cancer will always exist
The reaction that happens when you pee in the pool
The crime you might not realize you're committing
How to make your enemies disappear

Gupta: Why painkiller addicts do heroin

http://i.imgur.com/rEAkZZO.png

ha!

Why do my fingers keep making the mistake of typing in cnn.com when I get bored?

wolf blitzer probably has the most alarming IQ-to-paycheck ratio in american public life

https://twitter.com/nickmartin/status/659430067836162048

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/cnn-wolf-blitzer-runaway-blimp

never been a blimp disaster in america, huh? the humanity.

hahahahahahahaha the segue from the disturbing blimp story to "they are outgunned and outmanned in Syria" without even blinking

this runaway blimp is the closest we'll ever get to a stay puft marshmallow man rampage, we should cherish it

the llamas were wonderful. the military losing a billion dollar blimp that does dick all except fuck up the power grid when it gets free is infuriating

I was reading through older parts of this thread and got a huge lol from the past here: wtf, CNN.com

that was quite a story

barf line from ohio.com story omar quoted (totally unwilling i'm sure):

Spruill says she confirmed the relationship with a DNA test. And if anyone doubts it, she says, she still has plenty of his DNA

ohh I missed that part

http://i.imgur.com/cqBTC.gif

omg

This was pretty classy stuff

http://www.cnn.com/2015/10/28/politics/lindsey-graham-republican-debate-bar/

CNN doing its part to ensure Graham is never voted back into public office again

subheader from the story about the Art Basel stabbing: Knife imitating art?

http://i.imgur.com/Sefd2RX.jpg

Star Wars Style

#StarWars-style

Bird arrested on suspicion of spying

heeeeeeeeeey Jedi lady

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1548/25091122905_8acc4b9355_b.jpg

El Chapo: I'm becoming a zombie

Python swallows teddy bear

Opinion: A 6-year-old with nukes?

That missing plane from 2 years ago is still missing.

Obamas read, Cruz laughs, Kasich eats

priorities:

https://scontent-dft4-1.xx.fbcdn.net/t31.0-8/14444753_10157539558005038_596493380811986338_o.jpg

jfc

CNN reporter caught in tear gas: 'Ahh my eyes'

http://www.cnn.com/videos/us/2016/09/22/boris-sanchez-charlotte-protests-sot-ac.cnn

News and buzz

51 m
Can another person's feces help you lose weight?

These prostitutes are learning new skills

NO

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CvNqHyiUkAETypQ.jpg:large

He has just the deepest hole, so deep it'll make your arm disappear, believe me.

Put your ear up to it and you can hear this great big ol' sucking sound.

now i've got the image of trump as putin's fist pig. he really IS a puppet.

ok, sorry, gonna pour bleach in my eyes now.

Oprah lost 40 pounds. Here's how

perennial story gets a clickbait update

https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/532/32536015102_23eee31d48_b.jpg

lol

I have been trying to avoid making FAKE NEWS jokes but they are not making it easy

Hahahaha

omg

Wait until you hear Natalie Maines' new version of "Unforgettable".

that is shades of the kindergarten teacher who told us all we were going to listen to the news because one of our classmates was going to be on, only for us to hear a story about how was killed in a car accident because he was sticking his head out of the window

― ^likes black girls (HI DERE), Thursday, December 18, 2008 2:49 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Footballer signed after feeding girlfriend to dogs

the story is really grim and awful, and the signing did not take place IMMEDIATELY after, it's years later and he was just paroled, but at first i was thinking some team was like "hey this guy's got what it takes!"

only seven years. i'm usually all about forgiveness/ rehabilitation but i'm not so thrilled about this dude prospering after kidnapping, torturing, and murdering someone

like seriously, talk about trivializing violence against women

the problem with the CNN headline is that they used the term "controversial" to describe the decision, like this was about miley cyrus smoking weed in an instagram video or something

this was in brazil btw

if you're wondering about the lenience of the sentence etc.

i know

brazil is one of the worst countries in latin america to be a woman and they have huge problems with prison overcrowding and are undergoing their worst ever depression

http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/13/health/abortion-texas-lawmaker-trnd/?iid=ob_lockedrail_topeditorial

like "ok haha" yes technically the byline is correct but doesn't reflect the actual satirical intent of the bill, meaning a buncha "omg America is so stupid" yuk yuks will share this tonight without reading it.

man can't believe he got a DUI and killed a zookeeper in the same week

http://i63.tinypic.com/3130l1w.png

Did I seriously just load the tinypic 404 graphic on a fresh post in 2017

http://i68.tinypic.com/veveza.jpg

Great use of filling 16x9 frame centered on 1x1 image.

http://nypost.com/2017/06/01/doctors-warns-women-against-putting-wasp-nests-in-their-vaginas/

different Tiger kills zookeeper? xpost

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v212/etienne_saint/Screen%20Shot%202017-06-19%20at%201.58.59%20PM_zps2vrowceu.png

A veggie by any other name may actually get eaten
Not eating enough fruit led to to an estimated 7.5% diet-related cardiometabolic deaths in 2012, the researchers said in a recent study in JAMA. Two servings of fruit are recommended each day. A serving would equal one whole fruit, such as an entire banana, or one cup equivalent.

One-month sugar detox: Here's how to do it

Analysis: Kushner's fall from Secretary of Everything to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hahahaha wait

Analysis: Time to send Congress a message t('_'t)

McCabe: This is about Mueller and Trump's 'war on the FBI'

didn't know mueller had a war on the FBI

Analysis: The 14 most ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lines from Trump's 'Fox & Friends' interview