A friend of mine has an embarrassing problem

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So embarrassing in fact that she has never been able to disclose it to anyone in the world, even to me, her only friend, not that I actually care.

This being so, there seems little to be done, does there not? Have a nice day!

Blazing Scimitar of Indifference, Saturday, 22 May 2021 23:45 (six months ago) link

You have been shipwrecked and must determine which of two islands is the one you have landed on. They are identical in all regards except all the dwellers on one of the islands is incapable of telling a lie, while all the dwellers upon the other island are incapable of telling the truth. And things of that nature.

What's It All About, Althea? (Aimless), Sunday, 23 May 2021 00:09 (six months ago) link

welp

assert (MatthewK), Sunday, 23 May 2021 00:13 (six months ago) link

in what context does the friend bring up the embarrassing problem? we need details. and i care. someone needs to care

Karl Malone, Sunday, 23 May 2021 01:00 (six months ago) link

but do not expect to find a bartender who cares. this is a monstrous fiction that has been carried over from such suspect sources as 1930s B-movies and New Yorker cartoons. if your friend needs someone to pretend they care I recommend finding a small, cozy neighborhood bar at about 3:30 pm, then buying rounds for the steady early-afternoon patrons. they are likely to impersonate caring at least to whatever level of sobriety they have not succeeded in obliterating, as this may lead to more free drinks.if this problem is too embarrassing to discuss with strangers while sober, I suggest they start drinking somewhere else at 1 pm, then switch bars at 3:30 pm, so as to preserve their novelty.

This method has never failed me, since I only just now invented it.

What's It All About, Althea? (Aimless), Sunday, 23 May 2021 02:50 (six months ago) link

what is "embarrassing"? it's one thing when it happens, but it's another 20 years later. the current embarrassing problem will later be legendary

Karl Malone, Sunday, 23 May 2021 03:18 (six months ago) link

like watergate, for example

Karl Malone, Sunday, 23 May 2021 03:18 (six months ago) link

xp aimless i feel a natural drift toward that early-afternoon bar patronhood, i just need to find the right time and place to settle into it

Karl Malone, Sunday, 23 May 2021 03:19 (six months ago) link

in the meantime, as practice, you could hang out here in Ask a Drunk and stare morosely at the walls

What's It All About, Althea? (Aimless), Monday, 24 May 2021 02:36 (six months ago) link


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