Who would you recommend I see at Glastonbury? (other than the Wombles, obv)

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/17085308/gfl2011.jpg

Currently lacking in inspiration. Crystal Castles, Lykke Li, Paul Simon, Metronomy, Hercules & Love Affair, Beyoncé ... Pentangle??

Sorry, more legible here:

http://www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk/line-up-poster/

BARENAKED LADIES

it's all been done ;_;

This seems the most legible:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/glastonbury/lineup/

Ah, yes, thanks Tracer.

I suppose these are the areas I'm most clueless about:

JOHN PEEL STAGE
 
DJ Shadow
Glasvegas
The Streets
Example
Battles
Robyn
The Coral
Noah and the Whale
Hurts
I Am Kloot
The Horrors
The Vaccines
Darwin Deez
Warpaint
Everything Everything
Cage the Elephant
Anna Calvi
OK Go
Miles Kane
Dry the River
The Joy Formidable
Mona
Yuck
Foster the People
Stonefield
Fight Like Apes
Raghu Dixit
Cocoon

EAST DANCE
Fatboy Slim
Professor Green (Live)
Pete Tong
Fatboy v Carl Cox
Devlin (Live)
The Japanese Popstars (Live)
Carl Cox
Labrinth (Live)
Steve Lawler
Ke$ha (Live)
Wretch 32 (Live)
Claude VonStroke
The Midnight Beast (Live)
Skepta (Live)
Azari & III (Live)
Katy B (Live)
MistaJam
DJ Shepdog
Fenech-Soler (Live)
Giggs
NZ ShapeShifter (Live)
Mike Posner (Live)
Jodie Connor
DJ Shepdog
Beardyman (Live)
Yasmin (Live)
Funkagenda & Chris Lake B2B
MZ Bratt (Live)
Mark Knight
P Money (Live)
Matt Hardwick
Griminal
RoxXXan
 
 
OXLYERS IN WEST
 
Annie Mac
John Digweed
Subfocus & ID
Erol Alkan
Sander Kleinenberg - 5K Live featuring Dev (Live)
Photek (Live)
James Holden
Yousef
DJ Fresh
Jamie xx
Zinc
Caspa feat MC Rod Azlan
Sbtrkt Live (Live)
Krafty Kuts
Skream and Benga
Jim Jones Revue (Live)
Dreadzone (Live)
Joker (Live)
King Blues (Live)
Cherry Ghost (Live)
Metronomy (Live)
Guillemots (Live)
Patrick Wolf (Live)
dan le sac Vs Scroobius Pip (Live)
Emmy The Great (Live)
Pulled Apart By Horses (Live)
Egyptian Hip Hop (Live)
Summer Camp (Live)
Brother (Live)
Crystal Fighters (Live)
Dry the River (Live)
Fujiya and Miyagi (Live)
The Cocknbullkid (Live)
Danny And The Champions Of The World (Live)
The Phoenix Foundation (Live)
Esben And The Witch (Live)
Exlovers (Live)
Mirrors (Live)

I'd be interested in these:

Azari & III
Nicolas Jaar
Tinie Tempah
Robyn
Duane Eddy
Narasiroto
Gonjasufi

and Tony Benn, obviously.

I think it's a bit strange that there's a "black stage".

Like usual, it seems a sea of mediocrity and unknowns at first but each time I look at the lineup again something else catches my eye.

Omar Souleyman ftw

Kind of pissed off about Katy B and the Wu Tang clashing but I'd really recommend going to see Katy B, the album is far and away the best British pop album of the past few years.

Go and see Azari & III, if you like early 90s pop house in a Robin S/Living Joy fashion sung by a gay male diva. Here's Reckless With Your Love, which may be to your taste.

Laura Marling is really good as well and will be perfect Sunday afternoon hangover music.

Also there's something called the Wow stage this year that has a terrific dance lineup.

Tensnake, Soul Clap, Julio Bashmore, Ms Dynamite, Redlight, Toddla T, Seth Troxler, NENEH CHERRY, Space Dimension Controller, Lone, all excellent. It's probably the best dance lineup on any stage I've ever seen at Glastonbury. Also there's a giant pineapple.

Avoid the fourth-tier grime MCs in the dance tent on Saturday.

I'm not a huge Katy B fan but I'd definitely see her over the Wu. I saw them live at T in the Park in 2004 and it was very, very underwhelming. Maybe there's something about an outdoor sound system that makes modern hip hop difficult to pull off?

Omar Souleyman is exactly who I was thinking of when I mentioned things catching my eye the second time around!

Huh Matt the BBC has totally omitted the Wow stage from their page! Strange as yes, those are some very awesome acts.

OK have just spoken with someone who says "it's not '6 Music' enough to make the BBC lineup page.."

Too black, too strong.

This is all really useful, thanks. I think I keep being put off by Katy B's name.

Full lineup here: http://www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk/line-up-poster/

Thinking ahead a bit but Tensnake doing Coma Cat live may well be one of my moments of the festival. Such an uplifting record.

While I find her a bit annoying on record I reckon Janelle Monae could be a lot of fun live. The Chemical Brothers will be reliable if you crave a gigantic field festival audio-visual dance moment obviously.

Also, go and see John Cooper Clarke.

Also if you like this and this then Katy B will probably be to your tastes in general.

I know this is the Glasto thread but this looks pretty good too:

http://www.rockness.co.uk/line-up/

Starts today!

The John Peel Stage looks like the usual pile-up of ropey NME hype bands, there's not much that's particularly interesting there, and it's a soul-crushing walk from everywhere else on site.

When did you last go to Glastonbury? The late night areas have come on in leaps and bounds since 05 or so, if enormously popular. The Shangri-La area is full of weird little corners, like they've built an entire city in there. We went into a fake Irish bar and watched a puppet Bono sing With Or Without You.

Billy Bragg's set looks nicely timed for him to lead the crowd over to the Pyramid Stage for the U2 tax protest, but I think that's probably in "read about it the next morning" territory.

There's usually one rapper who takes the Pyramid Stage by storm these days - Dizzee in 09, Snoop last year, Tinie Tempah doing Pass Out could be that moment this year.

Also I want Rastamouse to turn up and do a guest verse with the Wombles.

A few friends are going to rockness. Supposed to be very midgey.

A friend asked for some Glastonbury tips the other day, obliging me to actually look at the lineup and now I'm really regretting not trying to buy a ticket or some form of work to get in. Said friend lives in Pilton so it's possible he might be able to get me in but it's getting harder every year, even for the locals.

Supposed to be very midgey.

Oh god I hadn't thought of that.

Going by the poster I'd stick to the West Holts stage for most of it; take an extended trip to the bar for Chase and Status.

I do like how Nicolas Jaar has been promoted to the "black stage". Izzit cause he is Chilean?

And once again I am reminded that Scroobius Pip & Dan Le Sac have possibly the most unappealing name in the history of popular music.

You do know that there are black people right across the bill including one of them headlining the main stage, right?

Er, yes? That doesn't change the fact that if Tinie Tempah had sold fewer records there's no doubt about which stage he'd be playing at...

Yes, he'd be in the dance tent.

Hah.

I'm not suggesting there's anything sinister about it, but it did jump out at me.

Also you have to remember that until last year that stage was the Jazz World stage (except there was never any jazz on it). Most of those acts would've been on there anyway except possibly Big Boi and Janelle Monae (who should really be on one of the two big stages but I'm guessing they get a bigger fee and want to be further up the bill).

I'd personally be curious to check out the About Group (Charles Hayward/John Coxon/Pat Thomas/Alexis Taylor) but I've heard mixed things about the album and they're probably not exactly party music.

Actually I have just skimmed the record on Spotify and would like to state categorically that there is now no fucking way would I go and see the About Group. Arggh that voice.

Robyn is pretty fun live. Bit weird that's she's sandwiched between Battles and The Coral tho

The About Group album sucks

are the wombles really embarrassing in the context of the average Glastonbury lineup

I'm a big fan of bonkers Glastonbury scheduling (all time favourite = Robbie Williams followed by Tricky) but the John Peel Stage has kind of a transitory crowd. People will sit in front of the Pyramid or Jazz World stage all day but if you do that at John Peel you're clearly some sort of weirdo. Unless it's raining.

vs kooks or athlete or jools holland or some pseudo ethnic kitsch

Omar Souleyman is literally the only act from this whole thing I'd definitely go and see.

Also, I find the amount of mediocre dirge on at the John Peel stage intensely depressing

Pyramid Stage is like the Q Readers Poll Winners awards or some shit... Really, this lineup looks really old fashioned and bland as fuck.

Definitely go and see Big Boi - he was a riot at Primavera. Janelle Monae might be worth a look. Primal Scream, maybe, so long as they aren't in Riot City/Give Out mode. Nicolas Jaar is awesome live. DJ Shadow puts on a good live show, although Ken C disagrees. Battles are bound to be ace. Caribou's always worth seeing. Katy B. Is it really necessary to have Carl Cox headline EVERY FUCKING DANCE TENT AT EVERY FUCKING FESTIVAL EVERY FUCKING YEAR?

Other than that, this is a very mainstream and pretty boring lineup imo.

Can anyone imagine John Peel rooting for Example and the Streets?

I'm sure he rooted for The Streets, back in the day.

Janelle Monae live is absolutely brilliant and I imagine her cheesy, pantomine brand of performance being very fun in a festival situation.

I'm just kind of in awe of Carl Cox at this point. The guy was doing 10-hour tribal house sets in massive clubs in like what... 1992? And he's still doing it. I'd rather see Tenaglia of course...

Primal Scream are doing Screamadelica. It might be a laugh, and my friends are going, but it clashes with my favourite disabled girlfriend Alice Glass.

Yeah, the Pyramid lineups really do look v.staid. As Matt says, it can be nice to have things during the day that you can just lie around and nurse your hangover to. Laura Marling might be good for that, not sure what else.

A rough idea of a schedule. Some of the clashes may not actually be clashes. Can't find much to see early Saturday. Perhaps I'll go to the circus tent.

Fri

Primal Scream (Other) or Crystal Castles (The Park)
Morrrissey (Pyramid)
James Holden (Oxylers)
Tensnake (Wow)
Katy B (East Dance)
Metronomy (Pyramid)
Narasirato (West Holts)

Sat

Chemical Brothers (Other)
Janelle Monaé (West Holts)
Toddla T (Wow)
Neneh Cherry (Wow) or Omar Souleyman (West Holts)

Sun

Beyoncé (Pyramid)
Hercules and Love Affair (West Holts) or Lykke Li (The Park)
John Cooper Clarke (Acoustic)
Paul Simon (Pyramid)
Azari & III (East Dance) or Laura Marling (Pyramid)

Matt - the last time I went was 2007. The Park area existed but not Shangri-La, I don't think.

Also, there must be more guitar band music than this worth seeing, surely?

where's the chillwave & related?

and where are the wombles?

Updated Clashfinder here. Yay @ the Wu-Tang and Katy B no longer clashing.

Also, there must be more guitar band music than this worth seeing, surely?

I think your tastes are a bit different to mind in this regard BUT - Friendly Fires are very good live in an indie-dance manner, the Joy Formidable are pretty good if you like massive walls of noisy guitars... it's vaguely possible that the Vaccines and the Horrors won't be awful. So, erm, no, not really.

I like that Cubehenge has something called Jah Shacka Soundsystem playing live, apparently, for twelve hours.

DJ Shadow puts on a good live show

i wonder if he will be bringing his sphere !?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0fjUgopSdw&feature=player_embedded

if so, then it could be a killer set as this looks insane (6 mins 42 seconds of the clip = whoaaaa)

^^ Saw this at Primavera. Thought it was awesome, but Ken C thought it was naff.

I saw the Vaccines earlier this year on the NME winners tour. They were quite ridiculous.

Might see Friendly Fires, yeah.

Will check out Joy Formidable - thanks.

^^ Saw this at Primavera. Thought it was awesome, but Ken C thought it was naff.

I'm with Ken.

Saw H&LA in the Dance Village one year and thought it was really dull whereas Lykke Li in the Park was really good fun. H&LA might be a bit better suited to West Holts though. Also close enough that you could probably catch both, no?

Wu, depending on lineup
Primals if they're doing Screamdelica, avoid if it's recent stuff (oh I see this has been answered. it is GREAT.)
Chems current light show is p spesh
Twilight Singers
Big Boi
Janelle Monae
Aloe Blacc
The Go! Team put their all into making a show pop, if there's nothing else on against them you could do worse
Hercules & LA were super-muscular touring the first album, if it's the same live band I'd try again
Nicolaas Jaar
Omar Souleyman (more for the kbd dude than him. He might have a full band here tho? was a duo here a few months back)
Robyn kills it live
Gruff Rhys was 100x better than I expected in a pub here last month, if it's a tiny crowd/small tent give it a go
BIG AUDIO DYNAMITE!!!
Lykke's good live.
Katy B <3
is Ms Dynamite MCing or singing? avoid the latter, run to the former
can't imagine Suzanne Vega or Thea Gilmore being a letdown in the acoustic tent
if you like Azari & III's records, you'll like them live. the two singers cleared a passageway through the crowd to have a vogue-off at each other in the second half.

friendly fires strike me as a band who won't really be able to recreate the best things about their album(s) on stage (this is more based on watching their glasto 08 set on tv rather than actually seeing them live tho)

Thought I were pretty great at Glastonbury last time I thought, although the proper gig I went to was better. Almost everyone sounds like shit on the Other Stage so they must have done pretty well almost by default.

BIG AUDIO DYNAMITE!!!

indeed.

missed em on the recent tour proper, much to my regret.
reports were that they were on good form.

I'm going to pretend they played none of the first album singles, most of Tighten Up and NOTHING off Megatop Phoenix, and sucked to boot.

I've remembered who Janelle Monae is, and that I love her. Good.

Friendly Fires were v good when I saw them @Digital in Brighton. Not sure how it transfers to Glasto.

I imagine Digital would be a great place to see them, assuming it's the same sound system as last time I went.

I now have a ticket for this and am very excited. Not sure how work will feel about this but I've already handed in my notice so I guess they can just deal with it.

How did you get a ticket at such short notice?

Fire stewarding. Some friends of a friend dropped out so I signed up on the spot, with no consideration as to whether or not it was practical to go. Which it definitely isn't.

Upt0eleven - what was it you didn't like about DJ Shadow?

Mostly that my feet hurt like fuck tbh. I didn't not enjoy it, just thought it was a bit over the top and not in an in ironic, self-aware way. The music was great but I think I might have enjoyed the spectacle of it more from further away.

Here are some rankings for acts I've seen live in the last few years.

*****
Beyonce, Elbow, Crystal Castles

****1/2
Fleet Foxes, Noisettes (MUCH more fun live than on record), Bellowhead, Katy B

****
Morrissey, Plan B, Tinie Tempah, Laura Marling, Twilight Singers, Big Audio Dynamite, Lau

***1/2
Rumer, The Low Anthem, The Vaccines, Bombay Bicycle Club, Glasvegas, The Joy Formidable, The Walkmen, The Pierces, Melanie, System 7, Show Of Hands, Fujiya & Miyaji

***
White Lies

**1/2
Friendly Fires (maybe I caught them on a bad night), Noah & the Whale, Hurts, Gruff Rhys, Guillemots

**
Kaiser Chiefs, Everything Everything

xpost
I missed the bit where the Shadowsphere took off into the crowd and started rolling over people's feet ;-)

Crystal Castles are so good live. I've got to get way from Primal Scream early to catch them.

You should see the Mighty Stornoway

I kinda feel like I should be arsed to see Morrissey, but I'm not.

Robyn is pretty much the only act I'm seriously psyched about seeing. And TVOTR if I don't end up going to Wireless.

wd totally be all about the acoustic tent for me if I was going. Suzanne Vega is a very funny performer these days. The Webb Sisters were the divine backing singers on the Leonard Cohen tour. Hear them doing "If It Be Your Will" and weep.

If Primal Scream are playing Screamadelica in order you can get away with leaving halfway through easily.

Kind of make a point of spending a bit of time at the Acoustic Tent most years, it's a good Sunday afternoon place to hang when your hangover is raging and you want to ease yourself back into the day by virtue of the awesome real ale tent nearby.

They don't do Screamadelica in order. They cunningly move the slowies to the middle so they can have Loaded and Come Together as the full-blast finale.

Awesome.

I am a bit worried about the queue situation for the late night area, can see it ending with 1x enormous queue throughout the circus field at 1am. There seem to be more late night venues everywhere else this time round though.

Despite being a bit of a Glasto-sceptic this year (the missus is going and I'm not, so sour grapes) - I am a bit sad for not seeing Screamadelica as I've been loving the reissue this year.

Everyone's a Glasto-sceptic when they're not going, it's all "hah, look, it's U2 and Coldplay, vindicated!" as if that matters.

go to U2 for the anti-U2 protests IMO

Downside is a) you won't be able to hear them because U2 will be playing music instead b) you won't be able to get near the protests because the crowd will be enormous.

bombastic pomp rock stylings will drown out the cries of protestors ARE YOU LISTENING ST. BONO???

answer: no

Weird how it's Coldplay who feel like the anachronistic headliner this year even though they'll probably get the biggest crowd.

Worst. Festival guide. Ever/

Wow you're not wrong

DON’T bring wellies

DO bring a hat

First, it will protect your face from the sun. Second, it will keep your head warm at night. And third, provided it is silly enough, your friends will be able to pick you out of a crowd. Oh, and if someone steels it off your head, it’s because they fancy you…

Get one copy editor guys!

It's so obviously written by someone who has never actually been to a festival.

With the driest May in living memory, with any luck mud will not be an issue this summer. So leave the Wellington boots on the farm and try espadrilles, flip-flops or deck shoes. That said, this is England, so perhaps pack a waterproof just in case.

Wait what if the festival is ON a farm?

Actually, forget festivals, I'm wondering if they've ever been to:

- Britain
- An environment with more than 5,000 people
- The modern world

DON'T forget to take your ticket. If you forget it, you will be unable to gain access to the festival.

That's actually good advice

better than the Telegraph's, and I'm not even a professional journalist!!!

So leave the Wellington boots on the farm and try espadrilles, flip-flops or deck shoes.

As hilarious as the farm bit is, unfortunately you don't have to tell a lot of festival-goers to wear deck shoes. Watch out for fucking Crocs as well.

I've just downloaded it and The Guide iphone app is actually pretty decent although will be completely fucking redundant by 4pm on the Friday when your battery dies.

are the wombles really embarrassing in the context of the average Glastonbury lineup

The Wombles are the ones that should be embarrassed to be appearing at the same festival as, for instance, Noah + the Whale. Not sure how many of the other bands on the bill have produced albums as good as...

http://www.tidybag.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/lp-keep-on-wombling.jpg

Picking through:

DON’T take a phone
Wha? You dumb? Take it, don't necessarily depend on it, but hey: How bad will the reception be? It's fairly open air at Glasto, it's not like being stuck down on the circle line.

DO take a pen and paper
Yeah, That's OK, leave a note at some noticeboard. Still, the mobile has more chance of finding a signal than your mates finding your note that fell off the board and is being trod into the ground.

DON'T forget swimming trunks
Um, wha? This means swimming, right? because if it gets so sunny that you want to go around in trunks you are going to get so burned...

DO wear fancy dress with caution
No. Do not wear fancy dress. Period.

DON’T try and see everything
Well, try and see everywhere.

DO see something new
Nooh, stick to exactly what you know and don't venture away from the main stage. C'mon, do people need to be told this stuff?

DON’T bring wellies
No, tell you what, bring espedrilles! They're great. And leave the wellies for mooching around farms. OK, being silly now, I'll go and check what the guide actually said.

DO bring a hat
Fuck bringing a hat. OK, yeah, actually, do.

DON’T go without the kids
Like the kids would let you go without them!

DO get some sleep
Um, better advice would be to forget the idea of getting a good night/day's sleep at all.

fucking hell that guide. plus it kind of tries to conflate tips for Edinburgh and Glastonbury... I almost want to go to Glasto now so I can point and laugh at anyone who thought turning up to a festival without a phone or wellies and instead going round wearing swimming trunks and clutching a bunch of pens would be a good idea.

Actually, re: sleep.

It doesn't matter where, or when. Nodding off at the jazz stage, or during Coldplay, or back at yr tent at 03:15, you will be zedding away and someone wearing dem wellies will walk/fall over you carrying a tray and go "oh sorry I didn't see you there"

Actually, come to think, they seem to have made the same mistake my mother made when I first went, and got it confused with Glyndebourne.

Telegraph guide to Woodstock

DO eat the brown acid.
DON'T say what F-U-C-K spells.
DON'T remember that the man next to you is your brother.
DO blow the whole thing.

Stages are usually full of sleeping bodies before 4 or 5.

DO remember you're a Womble

twitter reveals the truth.

Alexis Petridis HOLD UP EVERYONE, IT WAS AN INCREDIBLE PIECE OF SATIRE RT @guystagg: next time I will write the ironic bits in bold for you

They don't do Screamadelica in order. They cunningly move the slowies to the middle so they can have Loaded and Come Together as the full-blast finale.

also both Higher Than The Sun and Come Together are medleys of various recorded versions of the songs. this is also awesome.

Wombles should do Screamadelica

"Don't throw it, bin it"

DO piss in the stream

I've just downloaded it and The Guide iphone app is actually pretty decent although will be completely fucking redundant by 4pm on the Friday when your battery dies.

Not if you've bought one of these:

Just Mobile Gum Plus Universal Charger for iPhone and iPod

I seem to be able to get three almost complete recharges out of it.

That looks pretty useful actually, although I'm just bringing an old phone for which I have two spare batteries. Should be enough to get through.

My old phone used to last almost the whole weekend. I hope I don't spend the whole weekend on stupid apps. Kick me if I do.

Twitter was the battery killer for me last year. If I only used my phone for calls and texts I wouldn't have had to recharge it at all.

Yeah I think if I was going I'd take my non-smartphone Nokia, it has WAP or GPRS or whatever on it if I *really need* to get online and the battery lasts like 4 days

surely there's a java twitter app for nokia/ericsson/dumbphones now?

Oh, there is - I used to use something called Twim on my old Sony Ericsson. It was pretty rubbish, mind - better off on the website.

Do you remember us using Twitter at 2007 Glastonbury, Matt, and thinking it was well cool for ... arranging things?

Wombles should do Screamadelica

http://yfrog.com/khhpyp

They will 'slip inside this house' if those wombles don't tidy some of those cables away.

I made several very ill advised tweets at Glastonbury 2007 thinking it was just going out to six friends and not being published on the internet under my full name. Lol naivety.

I know it's misanthropy, but the way the papers seize on FESTIVAL SEASON every summer, and have so many aspirational articles about where you should go to be more "in the know" than whoever else, despite the fact these articles are blatantly targeted at people who still somehow seek cultural guidance from the last remaining dinosaurs, just sickens me. A friend of mine from work asked me last year if I was going to any festivals and I said "no, I am a big music fan."

Which was being a dick, I just feel like they've become like an extended travel section or something, not that it's really a reflection on the events themselves, just sort of ostentatious consumerism.

Having said all that I should say I'd LOVE to be going to Glastonbury, it is totally irrelevant who's playing. But the prospect of rain there is pretty awful. It's not really that much fun if it rains, at all.

I kind of see what you mean Local Garda - festivals have slowly but surely gone from being events attended by the hardcore contingent of music, culture and party-goers to an alternative holiday destination for part-timers and dilletantes. Fair enough if that's the way things are going it would be bad form to dismiss it. But festival season's seeing an increased transition between "We hitched down to Glastonbury in a camper-van and jumped over the fence" to "Couldn't afford the Seychelles this year, so we booked a day off work, loaded the Land Rover with camping gear, pens and swimming trunks and headed down to Glasto. The kids love the new Coldplay BTW".

If you're genuinely worried about that you're going through some Reynoldsesque mid-life crisis. I mean, complaining about gentrificiation is one thing but does anyone above a certain age really want to go to Reading or Leeds or one of those other festivals full of 18-year olds getting trashed and throwing gas canisters on bonfires?

umm... wat? no

It's not really the age profile that worries me, and actually I'm not really sure what DL says is what I mean. I think it's more the accompanying idea that loving music necessitates going to festivals, when actually I know some people who go to like 3/4 festivals a summer whom I wouldn't really consider major music fans. But actually I feel a sort of shammed up concept of "loving music" is kind of used as part of the bombardment to sell people festival tickets. I'm trying to say this without actually creating straw men...

I know what you mean - it's because festivals are embedded in the marketing process for bands these days, far more than they used to be.

xpost That is, i'm not necessarily opposed or worried about it - it's just something that happens when good things get popular. Admittedly, i do find it annoying having to camp next to a family of screaming children who'd rather not be there while their parents seem to do nothing but scream back at them from under the world's biggest fucking gazebo. Take them camping FFS, or leave them with the grandparents or whatever. I know I shouldn't complain as everyone's entitled to attend a festival, but it is a factor that put me off last time I went to Glasto and one of the reasons I sought alternatives.

If you're not going to complain, dog latin, then I will. For years, festival-goers have been told "It's not really about the music", the idea being that you should be too busy getting up to all kinds of great stuff with hash brownies in the stone circle to worry about seeing boring old bands, but now the average festival (Glastonbury is too big and varied to qualify) teems with people who think it's not about the music and they're not crazy psychedelic adventurers, they're fucking awful, because they're only interested in setting up gazebos and taking picnic hampers and being a part of the festival "experience" and not getting excited about any music except Kings of Leon and Groove Armada. Which is fine if that's the festival's whole deal - Camp Bestival, say - but it's infected almost all of them.

<iframe width="560" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/eBZ8nng-1-g"; frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

oh dear

that was supposed to be the video to Adam Buxton's Festival Song and be terrible witty but instead it just ended up a massive embarrassment

someone posted this on another thread, last word in festival line-ups imo:

http://recordpreserveshare.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/the_standard_festival_line-up_template.jpg

No comedian?

I agree

Ronan, stop harshing my buzz re: the weather.

sorry Nick, just trying to improve my own buzz as regards not going. god knows it's hard to keep our own personal buzzes unharshened in the current climate.

Oh God, now I'm firmly on the treadmill of checking metcheck and accuweather's forecasts every few hours.

Should I visit <a href="http://www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk/areas/the-unfairground/bezs-acid-house-tent";>Bez's Acid House</a>, is the question.

Should the Submit Post and Convert to BBcode buttons be further apart, is also the question.

think there was an episode of scooby doo in bez's acid house.

old mr ryder covered himself in powder to scare away potential ravers.

Awesome times:

http://uk.weather.com/weather/10day-Glastonbury-UKXX1641

I've realised that this is to be my 10th Glastonbury (that I've camped at, at any rate) and, in spite of this, I still have no idea what I need to take. Sleeping bag, wellies, waterproof trousers, wet wipes and a box of wine should cover me for the weekend, no?

A tent should cover you...

Here's the canonical Glasto packing list with some lady-centric things removed:

festival ticket
train tickets (+railcard if you have one)
tent
sleeping bag
sleeping mat
pillow if you can be arsed to carry it
blanket if you're a big wuss
big chunky (waterproof?) shoes/boots/wellies
summer shoes/trainers (flip flops/sandals are nice but not when yr in
the middle of a heaving crowd)
anything waterproof you have - jacket/trousers/binbags
t-shirts/tops (as many as you plan to wear plus one spare)
socks (ditto)
pants (ditto)
jeans/some kind of trousers, x2 if you can carry them in case of rain
shorts/skirt
jumper (with hood if you have one)
something else warm (if it's cold you want lots of layers rather than
one big thing)
woolly hat
sun hat
shades
water bottles
as many bin bags as you can find in your house - these are for wearing
as well as putting stuff in
umbrella
toilet roll
mobile phone
cash & cards
alarm clock?
deodorant
wet wipes
soap
toothpaste
toothbrush
towel
sun cream
earplugs?
aspirin/paracetamol
something to read
pens & paper
immodium if you really can't face the loos
hairbrush if you need one
torch + spare batteries (batteries are a total rip-off on site)
plasters
swiss army knife
fruit/nuts/crisps etc
alcomahol - you're allowed to bring your own booze to glastonbury,
glass isn't allowed but if you're bringing anything in bottles shove
them down inside your wellies in your bag and pack around them with
clothes/plastic bags
stove? if yes then gas, tea, coffee, filk, cupasoup, a cup,
lighter/matches, pan/s
if you smoke, cigarettes/tobacco/papers and a million lighters

Gets less essential the further down. Would add spare mobile phone batteries to that list, or something you can charge yr phone with.

I think tampons are fairly lady-centric. unless you're doing that "light the end and throw" thing beloved of student parties...

I am in awe.

An alarm clock seems pretty unnecessary.

Of that list. Massive help, thanks Matt.

Yeah no one needs an alarm clock at Glastonbury unless you're getting up super-early to go home on Monday and will have no phone battery by then. Otherwise, you're lucky if you get any sleep.

Apparently it absolutely shat it down on site yesterday. There was a hoax picture doing the rounds on Twitter (from 2007, purporting to be the Other Stage yesterday) but the Park field and the Shangri-La area were reportedly waterlogged. If they have decent weather today and the drainage has improved then we should be alright come tomorrow.

Metcheck is looking pretty positive now. Won't be a scorcher but it's looking like being a bit like 2002 and 2003 - mix of rain and sun but neither too extreme. I can work with that.

Biggest worry at the moment is the worst rain coming at exactly the point tomorrow that I need to put my tent up.

Glastonbury Twitter is saying it's pretty wet underfoot at the moment onsite.

Also lol poshos.

Wombles should do Screamadelica

― blueski, Thursday, 16 June 2011 14:13 (5 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

http://thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01329/SNF17BIZWW-682_1329197a.jpg

Backstage at Glastonbury, sounds of struggling and mild imprecations fill the air...

BOB: Oof... get tae... Jesus fuck man, ah cannae get this fuckin' 'hing oan! Holl', Orinoco! Or whatever yer fuckin' name is, gie's a haun here.
MIKE BATT: Having trouble with your costume, Mr. Gillespie?
BOB: Too fuckin' right ah um! How the fuck did you manage to get through the 70s inside wan o' these fuckers?
BATT Well, I didn't actually wear one all the time.
BOB: Here, don't be shatterin' ma illusions, man! Next, ye'll be tellin' me Bernard Cribbins never wore wan.

fumbling

BOB: Come oan, ya bastard... fuck sake, ah'm sweatin' like a fuckin' rapist here, so ah um...

more fumbling

BOB: ... at last... noo, gie's ma heid ower, wull ye?.

even more fumbling

BOB (muffled): Here, ah've jist thoat o' sumthin'... how the fuck am ah supposed to shake ma tambourine wi' this 'hing oan? Ah cannae even fucking haud it wi' these... fuckin'... paws! And ma tambourine playin's fuckin' central to 'Screamadelica', it's fuckin' key, man, ah'm tellin' ye.
BATT: Uh, 'Screamadelica'? I think there's been some misunderstanding, the classic album we're playing in its entirety tonight is "Keep On Wombling"...

Bob rapidly removes head

BOB: Keep oan WHIT??!?!??!
BATT: ... Wombling... Mr McGee said...
BOB: McGee! Ah might ah known that wee rrrrrrrat wid be involved in this... baldy Orange bastard... here, ah'm fuckin' phonin' the cunt up...

Ringtone plays 'The Sash'

BOB: McGee, it's Boab, you fuckin' takin' the pish or whit?
muffled voice
BOB: ...aye...
muffled voice
BOB: ...aye, but...
muffled voice
BOB: ...hey, haud oan a minute therr...
muffled voice
BOB: ...ah'm no fuckin' daein' it!
muffled voice (expositional dialogue follows)
BOB: ... listen ah didnae leave a cushy number as drummer in the Mary Chain in October 1985 and form Primal Scream wi' fuckin' Big Jim Navajo tae get up oan a stage and fuckin' make a tit o' mahsel'...
muffled voice
BOB: ... ya cheeky cunt, ah kept you in charlie fer years and don't you forget it!
muffled voice
BOB: ... awright, fer weeks then! Jesus Christ, can you no' open yer mooth wi'oot mentionin' Oasis, man. Gie it a rest, Al, naeb'dy's impressed!
muffled voice
BOB: ... naw, you ur...
muffled voice
BOB: ... ah've tellt ye, ah'm no daein' it!
muffled voice
BOB: ... aye, well you jist dae that then... ya fuckin'... balloon!
muffled voice
BOB: ... listen, fer the last time, can you no' understaun plain English or sumthin'? AH'M UR NAE DAEIN' IT!

pause

BOB: ... and Fuck the Queen!

slams phone down

MADAME CHOLET: Two minutes, Mr. Gillespie.

Metcheck is looking pretty positive now.

I'm not sure how well my tent will stand up to those 266 mph winds.

http://www.metcheck.com/V40/UK/FREE/7days.asp?zipcode=shepton%20mallet

a bit like 2002 and 2003 - mix of rain and sun

both these years were pretty much wall to wall sun as far as i recall. 2002 had a bit of rain on friday morning and sunday night. 2003 was roasting for most of it AFAIR

2002 was the year of Saharan Gusts

Alba, stop checking the weather forecast. :-P

I remember 2002 being pretty rainy, although not a washout.

Quite sad really, that's the last time I went! And there isn't one next year so that means at least 10 years until I next go to one. If I ever do because most of my friends aren't up for it any more.

My prediction for this year's Babylon/You Got The Love Fuck Me Not This One AGAIN Televisual Ubiquity Award: Ed Sheeran - "The A Team".

Sad I'm not going to this. Vicky is. Mind you, I am such a moaner when it starts raining I'm not sure I'd be any fun.

I have seen a few snaps of muddy wellies and I can't wait. Feel simultaneously well prepared and massively disorganised, after drunkenly dancing around in the loft late last night looking for my waterproofs. Which were, in fact, somewhere more convenient.

Similarly I'm annoyed that after the first time I've ever bought a train ticket in advance I get a ring from a mate offering me a lift. Not sure whether I'll go in this evening or have a night at home (just outside Shepton) and go into the site tomorrow.

Unneccessary detail there.

Do not understand all these smug fucks making their public proclamations about how glad they are that it's raining and aren't they clever not to be going.

SHUT THE FUCK UP. NO ONE CARES.

If I can be forgiven a plug, because this may never happen again, I'm appearing at the Free University of Glastonbury near the Park Stage at 11.30am on Saturday. Say hello if you're awake/around/can be bothered. Every year I read the Glastonbury thread but I've never actually met any ILXors there.

Very forgivable plug. Hadn't heard about the talks or the Free University at all so I'm glad you've mentioned it - will definitely stop by.

fwiw beyonce is great live. stanton warriors supposedly do a pretty full on dj set with 3dj's mixing up drum machines, live mashups etc i've never seen them playing out but their essential mix was pretty entertaining.

that said that lineup had me scratching my head, not much looked unmissable. unlike say cochella which made me want to move back to california

Based on last night's terrific Nottingham warm-up show, Paul Simon on Sunday afternoon should be a treat.

Radiohead have announced they're playing at 8pm... FUCK FUCK WHY DIDN'T I GO?! :-(

Happy for those who are seeing this though.

I will still be working in the glade at 8, if it's any consolation.

Could really do without this rain but grateful for the opportunity to have a shower and sit on my friend's sofa this morning.

Spotted Matt DC in the stonebridge bar dancing off his tits* to Optimo in the company of a very pretty lady** yesterday afternoon.

* partly true
** true

rather good screen grab

http://www.bbc.co.uk/music/festivals/glastonbury/2011/artists/primalscream/img/primalscream1.jpg

Watching U2 on t' telly last night, they don't seem to have written a memorable song in 20 years or more. The Edge is a good guitarist though.

So, Alba, Matt, DL et all did you all have a good Glastonbury?

Do not understand all these smug fucks making their public proclamations about how glad they are that it's raining and aren't they clever not to be going.

i'd have been a smug fuck saying how glad i was not to be there even if it hadn't rained, to be fair. tents *shudder*

i refuse to even look at a tent

xp I did thanks. Friday was hard work - both literally (because I had to file reviews) and weather-wise - and I had to leave on Sunday but Saturday was brilliant. Considering I've got a two-week-old daughter I was extremely grateful to be there at all.

the missus said this year was more crowded than ever before. my aversion to rain is stronger than most, i don't mind camping too much but prefer to have a shower in the morning etc. all this i can handle however, but i think the thing that puts me off glasto the most are the crowds - the bottlenecks, the crushes, the craning. This was what stuck in my mind from last time I went in 2008 and what made me think twice before putting money down this year.

Lex you at least have the virtue of consistency in that regard.

I had a great time, feel absolutely destroyed now. Best bits:

- Beyonce, obv. Kind of amazed how she managed to frontload her set with Crazy In Love, Single Ladies and Naughty Girl and manage not to sag after that. Also the enormous fireworks going off during every fanfare in Crazy In Love had the crowd 100% onside immediately - crowd reception was absolutely rapturous.

- Optimo on Thursday and the 2hrs or so after that in the Stonebridge Bar were brilliant fun. After Optimo it went all Chicago house, then Scandinavian Balearic, then Yacht Rock, 200 odd people all going mental to Fleetwood Mac. Nick you should have come over and said hello.

- Orbital at 2am on Saturday, supposedly DJing but doing what turned out to be a live set of (mostly) new material (all really good, classic Orbital sound) and then Chime, Halcyon and Dr Who. On a stage built like a giant spider shooting lasers and 10ft flames up into the air.

- Laura Marling really stunningly good on Sunday, just totally in control of her voice and the music.

- Katy B, in the dance tent, with a full live band, doing pretty much the whole album + Louder. Perfect Stranger and Katy On A Mission pretty much took the roof off.

- Wu-Tang were great, especially the crowd reaction + Method Man crowdsurfing. And the toddler next to me on his dad's shoulders putting his hands in the air on cue.

- Chemical Brothers were great in a sort of predictable way, but very spectacular with all the anthems in place.

- Azari & III in the dance tent, totally relentless, they encored with one song that's just a ridiculous banger, even better than Reckless With Your Love.

- John Cooper Clarke just rambling and reciting in the Acoustic Tent

- Quite enjoyed Paul Simon despite myself.

- A load of people shouting "bollocks" at Mumford & Sons

- Loads of great late-night stuff, right across the site. Didn't go to bed before 6 any time during the festival proper. Danced a lot in a lot of very strange environments (including with mermaids and drag queens on one night), although slightly annoyed that I couldn't find Wolf + Lamb and Soul Clap on Sunday night.

- Mostly avoiding the rain. It must have shat it down before the festival because it was really muddy when we arrived but otherwise we only got lightly rained-on on Friday. Thursday, Saturday and Sunday lovely.

- Meatwagon burgers on site, with cocktails.

Less good bits:

- Pretty stodgy mud, although that was gone by Sunday. It's rain rather than mud that kills the vibe for me though.

- The queueing system from the Shangri-La area, which is a great area in it's own right but the queuing system created a surge of demand at once so everyone had to get in there early. Killed the 'bowl around looking for adventures' aspect of Glastonbury nights a bit, everything felt a lot more purposeful and direct.

- Radiohead "secret" gig, at which about 9million people turned up, totally packing the field out, and The Park stage is too quiet to be heard over that big a crowd. Couldn't see or hear anything and left after two songs. Didn't even bother with Pulp the next day, apparently they were great, but will see them this weekend anyway.

- Security seemingly a lot more visible and much cuntier than previous years.

It wasn't more crowded than usual but the very stodgy mud concentrated people onto the walkways in some areas, notably between the Dance Field and Other Stage on Thursday and Friday.

xpost to DL

Very glad to hear that (and also aww). I did come to your talk briefly and really enjoyed it (such that I've just bought the book) but, having overdone it somewhat on Friday, felt you were better off if I didn't introduce myself on this occasion. I was not either of the weird guys who approached you mid-way through and whom, I thought, you handled very well.

Lex, there's nothing wrong with having no interest in going to Glastonbury, it's the wanting those that do to have a shit time that grates somewhat.

Also I actually watched the sun rise in the Stone Circle for the first time every, it's great.

:-) Glad you all had a good time. There's no denying, despite any misgivings, that I'd have loved to have been there all the same.

watching the sun rise in the stone circle is one of the best parts imo. you often meet people around there and have a chat for a bit...occasionally they are fools but not always!

Ah cheers Upt0eleven - much appreciated.

Matt DC's Glastonbury sounds great. Had no idea Orbital were playing - gutted to miss that.

They were listed in the programme as a DJ set - but everything they played for the first 3/4s of the set was unfamiliar and sounded very like Orbital. It was only when they did Chime and Halcyon (the latter with the usual bells and whistles) that it became obvious they were playing live. Also, one hell of a spectacular stage.

Haha, that's what Radiohead should've said they were doing.

So, let's see: There's no glast next year...

I last went in 19umhumhum, it was lovely weather all the weekend..

Then I met the girl I went on to marry and have 2 kids with. She would 'like' to have gone, but amongst the things she HATES are
1) Pushy people pushing past you
2) Being soggy, or near sogginess
3) Being stuck someplace
4) not being able to sleep because of noisy people
5) Rain, expected or otherwise

So, I decided it's best we didn't. We have done Reading fest a number of times, the last time we got vip tickets (Not VIP, vip.) which meant we had easy access to beer tent/loos/exit-entrances/nonsoggy land. So, we took the kids and were able to take them home and return for the evening while my mum babysat. (oh, as far as celeb spotting went, Devandra Benhat, the end)

My wife was saying I could take the kids to Glasto one year while she goes on a spa weekend with pals.

How much are 'kids' tickets? Last time Reading (as above), the kids were free...

I should have said hi Matt. If I see you at Wireless (assuming that's where you're seeing Pulp), I certainly shall. Sounds like you probably survived Glastonbury better than I did - I feel destroyed despite a couple of early nights - and saw quite a few more acts.

This year was probably the most tiring Glastonbury I can remember, mainly due to trying to walk around too far through the aforementioned sticky mud that would not accommodate.

Highlights were:

Primal Scream - the other stage was pretty empty so able to get really close. I can forgive them for playing Country Girl as the rest of the set was so much fun.

Friendly Fires - Gloriously sunshiney experience. Singing along to Paris while sipping gingerly at a slightly better than shit coke bottle of box wine was just the tonic to clear the head from Friday.

Guillemots - Not sure why there were in Dance West but as it was raining the sound was great. Great mix of songs fromt he whole catalogue as well. Bumped into Fyfe Dangerfield the next day backstage at Avalon and he was so friendly but I wasn't coherent enough to engage with him (see above) in as much of a conversation as he seemed to want.

RSVP - "Bhangra with a twist". Only saw them because I was working at the G Stage but so glad I did. The stage was empty when they started and rammed at the end as everyone walking past stopped to join in the fun and try out the dance moves they were showcasing.

Robyn - Empty tent (everyone had gone to Beyonce early I guess) so again was right at the front. She danced so energetically and kicked up a massive strop when her radio wasn't working but really got the crowd going. <3

The Low Anthem - Gorgeous Americana for a blistering Sunday afternoon in the Pyramid field.

Stereo MCs - Again, only saw them because I was working. Fun way to end the festival.

Shit:

Coldplay - Yeah, you pays your money you takes your choice but I only went to see them because others were and I was bored stiff up until they played Clocks in the encore.

White Lies - most pointless band I've ever heard. Opting for black and white for the screens doesn't make you look like Joy Division and doesn't create atmosphere when your music is that awful.

Wish I'd seen more tbh (the Friday night probably saw to it that I didn't) like Orbital but and maybe more in general in the Dance Village. Didn't do the Stone Circle this year which was also a bit of a shame as two years ago it was how I ended the festival and it was glorious.

i think the thing that puts me off glasto the most are the crowds - the bottlenecks, the crushes, the craning.

This is the first year I was genuinely scared of experiencing a Roskilde-like crushing but mainly, as Matt says, due to the sticky mud than necessarily the volume of people. I'm sure it won't happen but there were moments where I thought the crowd was going to topple.

Yeah Friendly Fires were fun - I watched them in almost exactly the same spot as two years ago except the crowd was twice the size.

The appeal of White Lies is baffling. We were standing at the side of that field having some food and a pint during the second half of their set and it was just nothingy.

Apparently Elbow's crowd interaction was so great I almost wish I was there, except I don't like any of their music.

Other great thing I forgot to mention = Tinie Tempah's set. I'd been wondering where all the kids were at until I got there, and they were going mental. He made the entire crowd go as low as possible and then jump up when the beat kicked in, and it worked. Also Pass Out was one of the moments of the weekend, made it worth standing through some of his ropier material.

- Orbital at 2am on Saturday, supposedly DJing but doing what turned out to be a live set of (mostly) new material (all really good, classic Orbital sound) and then Chime, Halcyon and Dr Who. On a stage built like a giant spider shooting lasers and 10ft flames up into the air.

holy

It was also shooting lightning rods of electricity up into the sky at the end of the set. Entire stage genuinely looked like it might kill someone.

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5234/5878162749_e0cd5d80d1.jpg
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4141/4774469312_60fdeeb830.jpg
http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6013/5877845219_3a1038d7dc.jpg

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5270/5880802406_284f9f6fb7.jpg

wow.

For some unknown reason I left Orbital's set halfway through to go and find Bez's Acid House.

I also missed Janelle Monáe because I ran out of tome before meeting people for Chemical Brothers. But Katy B, Hercules and Love Affair, Atomic Drop (on the mental flame throwing stage before Orbital) and Beyoncé were all spectacular.

They were listed in the programme as a DJ set - but everything they played for the first 3/4s of the set was unfamiliar and sounded very like Orbital.

Didn't they do Satan early on?

Stone Circle was so lovely and green and dry when we lay out there on Saturday afternoon.

Wish I'd git there early enough to do Optimo on Thursday afternoon. Caught up with Matt for Katy B but generally failed to do much catching up with anyone. Had a great time though (except when losing my friends two nights running at Shangri-La).

Didn't they do Satan early on?

I heard bits of Satan in one of the tracks but it wasn't the whole thing.

Was Bez's Acid House any good?

I thought the rave bullring was the best thing in that part of the site fwiw.

bez's acid house is the hansel and gretl story i want to read.

don't nibble them biscuits tho.

I found Bez's Acid House mildly depressing, despite the presence of Bez dancing on stage. The other tent nearby, Reverend Sharky’s Church of the Holyroller, had better DJs and a vibe I much preferred.

despite the presence of Bez dancing on stage

plz say that he was the only one on the stage, dancing, and that this was his 'solo' career after the HapMons...

i see orbital have been to burning man and were suitably impressed