JESUS CHRIST...MANCHESTER...

GIF

This whole thing isn't that surprising though. Manchester's Old Guard are little more than jokes, morons and tribute acts anyway. It takes something like this to wash all the scum away, etc etc.

I will take ye several pictures when the time comes.

making some spurious justification via bach completely sums up the head-up-arseness of this city.

Could this possibly be that Stone Roses one that goes on for a bit and kicks off at the end? I'm just stabbing in the dark here...

roffle
it's like something a fourth-year drama class would come up with, no? I expect ILM could write something better in its lunch hour.

But I'll still turn out to watch it.

xpost

look, I'm totally being disingenuous but still, it wouldn't hurt of journalists found ways to essentially say "this is actually not a joke" within such articles. How very fucking clever of them to play neutral all of a sudden when the whole thing clearly reads like an stupid prank to everyone or at least raises a few legitimate questions. But no, aren't we all smart and professional all of a sudden.

All the other Manc bores who take their music and themselves and their beards very seriously indeed: Andy Votel, Mr Scruff, Elbow, The Doves, New Order, Oasis, et al, mustn't be as hard-up as Bez, Brown & co.

But really, this is a joke isn't it? Isn't it?

Or that web page is a perfect hack and will be taken down shortly. Who can you trust since the advent of you know, photography and stuff.

The BBC is recruiting pop performers from groups such as the Stone Roses and Happy Mondays to play Jesus, the disciples, the Virgin Mary and Pontius Pilate.

Bez, a former tamborine-bashing member of the Happy Mondays and a winner of Celebrity Big Brother, is expected to be one of the disciples, but the BBC said that it was too early to announce other names.

The drama, called the Manchester Passion, will begin with the performers playing Jesus and the disciples, dressed in contemporary clothes, at the Last Supper, sitting on a wall in a Manchester street.

Much of the action is expected to take place near Manchester's gay and red light area close to Canal Street as the group "process" towards Albert Square in the city centre.

During the Last Supper, the character playing Jesus will sing Joy Division's Love Will Tear Us Apart.

Meanwhile, the Judas figure, knowing he is about to betray Jesus, sings the downbeat anthem by The Smiths, Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now.

In the Garden of Gesthemene, which will take place in a Manchester park, Jesus sings Sit Down by James as he prays alone, and then duets with Judas - Blue Monday by New Order - as he is arrested by performers dressed as police officers.

As the group converges on Albert Square in the centre of the city, a separate crowd of people carrying a 25ft-long, white cross will arrive from the other side of the city.

The trial of Jesus by Pontius Pilate will be accompanied by the singing of Wonderwall by Oasis, the chorus of which goes:
"I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall."

The Virgin Mary will express her emotions at the foot of the cross in the song Search For the Hero by M People, which featured in a recent car advertisement.

At the climax of the programme, the resurrected Christ will appear on the roof of Manchester town hall and, if the draft script is followed, will belt out a reprise of Wonderwall.

belter.

And, yes, Depeche Mode performing "Personal Jesus".

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/imagedump/13248.jpg

"What a shame Rufus Wainwright and Jeff Buckley weren't from Manchester because we could have used a few of their songs!"

I mean, what can you say. Except DIE DIE DIE.

Me no watch Batman. I wouldn't be in the least surprised that this is his general style. Perhaps he's never heard of Fester Shinetop.

WTF moment at the end credits:
... as Jesus
... as Judas
etc
then...
Tony Wilson as Himself!

Now I know he's a man of myth and legend but I'm pretty fucking sure he didn't make it into John's Gospel!

i'll watch it another time, i think. i'm really not in the mood for tim cunting booth tonight.

Looking at the MPV-driving cunts all singing along, worrying about whether the baby-sitter was coping with little Jocinda while trying to pretend this was as good as when they actually did see Robbie, made we want to kick my telly in. (Obviously, not being FUCKING STUPID I just changed the channel instead.)

That was quite the worst rendition of Love Will Tear Us Apart I have ever heard. Not as bad as Tim Booth's horrendous falsetto in Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now (sung by ALKIE JUDAS!)

Are we going to get any Take That?

Dude walking along the procession "I think the cross has been dumbed down a bit..." LIKE NO SHIT!

Is Keith Allen a Manc?

Madchester vibes in da AREAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Top roffletastic telly, though. Especially Dougal the Scottish Christian punk.

On the fucking money, my son!

Someone please explain Tony's "when the legend is better than the 2000 year old legend print the legend" part in all of this.

Keith should've sang VINDALOO at the end all over the top of Angels (oh, and what do you mean you're "loving angels instead" Jesus just FUCKING DIED FOR YOU FOOKIN CUNTS)

omg

This one?

Common as dog muck.

Worst bit: the shot of Keith Allen signalling the crowd in Albert Square to Sit Down, followed by a pleading arms-outstretched gesture when it didn't look like they were going to bother. Oh, man, how far from Gino: Full Story and Pics.

Best bit: the roar of amused recognition from the crowd at Tony Wilson, standing next to a burger van.

http://www.agencyfaqs.com/news/grfx/2005/ford.jpg

http://www.dankind.com/misc/robots.jpg

http://i.i.com.com/cnwk.1d/i/ne/p/2005/524swarmbots500x375.jpg

http://www.jonathanvangieson.com/archives/buddyandaikentogetheragain.jpg

was going to ask where tony wilson was - he got a credit but i didn't recognise him. btw, burger van bloke was reading Da Vinci Code 8)

oh, and 'liam' and 'noel' in the back of the black maria.

interesting from a logistical point of view too, just the way they managed it, three separate parts had to come together, whole of manchester city centre involved. seemed to work. although they didn't seem to realise that people sitting down take up more space than people standing up and so sitting down during 'sit down' wasn't really an option. the keith allen narrator turned pontius was a nice twist.

musical best bits: heaven knows done acoustically (singing terrible though), ever fallen in love done by orchestra. sally army band played something as well.

"Yes, the 8-metre long cross is getting closer. It's just coming across Portland Street now, which is one of the busiest roads in Manchester - it weighs half a ton."

"The cross has become, maybe like you say, a fashion accessory, whereas actually at the time it was an instrument of torture. And I don't think, maybe, if Jesus was sent to earth now, in 2000 years' time, we'd be wearing electric chairs. I don't know."

Jesus's now-you-hear-it-now-you-don't Manc accent: "Loov, loov will tare ooz apart agenn"

Tim Booth's falsetto. Sit down, you twat.

Keith Allen begging the crowd to sit down. And them ignoring him.

Jesus: "I tell you Peter, by dawn you will have denied three times that you ever knew me"
Random woman: "You were with him. You were one of his followers."
Peter: "I dunno what you're talking about."

Dr Anthony-pick-a-key-any-key-off-Eastenders' singing.

Liam in the back of the police van.

"With me is Douglas, who's come all the way down from Scotland for this. I have to say that you stand out from the crowd, not only because of your height, but because you've got piercings and you're a punk. But you're a Christian, too - how does that work?"

"I believe that you're a Nigerian pastor?"
"It's amazing what the cross means to so many people. Jesus died on the cross for us."
"Super!"

The blonde woman and her bald friend in the crowd during the interminable "Sunshine After The Rain", chatting away, and then one of their friends presumably spots them on telly and a mobile phone is clearly heard with that annoying Nokia ringtone. I expect to see Dom Joly with a huge mobile: "Hello? No, I'm at a crucifixion. No, it's rubbish!"

Actually, I've just watched that bit again, and couldn't hear the mobile, so maybe it wasn't at that point, but I'm certainly not watching it all again to pin it down.

Keith Allen: "Is that the cue for me?"

Jesus's fleshtoned microphone that made it look like he had a huge boil on his neck.

The only really good bit: where Jesus reappears at the top of the clock tower and sings "I Am The Resurrection". Spoiled, of course, by the group singalong to "Angels".

Wow. I guess I missed a WTF moment. Presumably ignored by the inkies.

the music of Manchester...nah, bollocks to that, it was shite. Unintentionally hilarious, but shite.

― ailsa, Friday, 6 April 2007 17:46 (3 years ago)

ailsa otm

the fall are exculpated by the 'salford defence'

i see what you did there

joy division too kinda, since curtis was from cheshire

i do not hate every musician from the Manchester region but god caring about the "mystique" of the place was played by 1988 and now is kinda worse than aging scousers riding for Merseybeat

As of 2010 the band began touring again, and are said to be writing new material.

Have a guess at which legendary band's wiki entry this is on. Go on, have a guess.

tbf I don't know too many Manchester residents who care deeply about the Manc mystique (in the Madchester or Smiths sense, anyway). xp

n e wayz agree with nv, not rly into parsing the identities of every lancs musician who was not waste, sufficeth to say there is a p fucking clear and terrible tradition 20+ yr old of terrible music from manc & environs, the leery coked up lad shit & the miserablist 'sensitive bloke' shit being most common strains, each nestling in the meconium of the other

new order/acid house etc is divested of every interesting facet except the uncomtemplative hedonism, every weird energy of the fall is reduced to the cipher of the angry caterwauling drunk, every plaintive moment in joy division/durutti/etc reduced to miserabilist whimsy

this is nothing new obv but it needs to be stated clearly that music from manchester ought to be treated with the same suspicion as human rights initiatives from the ccp

As of 2010 the band began touring again, and are said to be writing new material.

Have a guess at which legendary band's wiki entry this is on. Go on, have a guess.

― fat balls for wild birds (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 19 February 2011 18:19 (5 minutes ago)

guessing northern uproar

know via my brother in law of certain aging Madchester faces who are still living the dream and hawking their shite round young impressionable musicians, won't name names as i don't want to inspire complaints

northern uproar dece guess but y'need to go a little further back and a little even funnier

shed seven?
Northside?

Chicken Rhythms is the only full length studio album by English band Northside. It was released in 1991 and was produced by Ian Broudie.

Chicken Rhythms & Extras

A separate release, containing all the original tracks plus some bonus tracks was also released.

1. Take 5
2. Weight of Air
3. Funky Munky
4. A Change is on its Way
5. Yeah Man
6. Tour de World

northside ya...never heard of these cunts but a pox on them anyway

fucking hell it is Northside!! LOLOL

Shed Seven were from York iirc.

but get ready for the second coming of

NORTHSIDE!!!

stoked

Ian Broudie is fucking bollox personified, is he a Manc?

Scouse?

oh god yeah

tried to think if any of these retards took a single thing from the smiths, best i could come up with was the jangly guitar sound

even back then if you mentioned Northside everyone sniggered but if anyone says now "Northside weren't that bad" either nostalgia is an evil that we need to get rid of or modern brit indie is so bad that it makes Northside look not bad.

Marr's guitar playing, which was v. innovative and rightly recognised as such, has been one of the greatest forces for evil in British music of the last 20 years. Including in the hands of J. Marr post-Smiths.

I met the bassist from Intastella in a pub recently. Quite a sad experience.

On the plus side, I can't see them reforming any time soon.

thought about liverpool and whether to do a general 'come friendly bombs and rain on every lancs settlement large enough to contain a branch of superdrug'

liverpool seems superficially different, but really it's narc of sd in the extreme....it's a bit more fey, psych, 'zany' rather than 'quirky'....but since they'd probably hate to be lumped in with the manchester fucks, i'd say it's pretty important we conflate them itt

Saw P4ul Ryd3r in Dry one time not long after the Mondays split, that was a pretty sad experience.

obv my definitive take on Liverpool musicians is already another thread but gosh darn it for a mad and exciting city its mad and exciting bands sure are fucking boring. and Julian Cope's from Tamworth

why no anti-london thread?

beneath contempt, not really a place

but tbf a lot less indie-boreathon than the NW and environs

how about west midlands towns that aren't as good as Birmingham?

Was anyone at this?

In March 1991, NME reported that Northside were appearing at the 'Great Indie Festival - A Midsummer's Day Dream' at Milton Keynes Bowl in June that year. Also on the bill were 808 State, Gary Clail, New Fast Automatic Daffodils, The Shamen, Shades of Rhythm plus Flowered Up.[1]

there's probably a million anti london threads, most of my contempt recently has been for the post jack penate rah rah schindie dogcum of recent years, partly cuz it's notably vile but also cuz i actually encounter these retards irl

as a place tho, london is too diverse to be hated in singularity like liverchester, and there are always good mp3s from london amidst the crap

good records from liverchester are pretty rare

why you trying to make me so miserable abt living in Mcr, ffs :(

nah i'm just asking u to become the manc varg vikerness

yeah but you're a londoner!
xps

dude sorry not really down on the city tho yr pubs are often too far apart and some bastard bulldozed Tommy Ducks and the big city shops suck balls quite a bit and the Pancake House closed as well :(

there are good things still tho i guess

I have seen the Manc Varg Vikerness and his name is...Guy Garvey.

Cornerhouse, that's a good thing. seem to recall some dece pubs round there too. Science Museum was fantastic last time I checked.

there's probably some cavilling to be had abt middle class london ppl h8ing on other parts of the country, but srsly fuck that

evil is evil whether or not it has a cse in media studies or a photo with the bullingdon club

altho Liverpool's World museum is fucking amazing and blows most things away

Yeah pancake house RIP. I really like living here but tbh if people say 'what should we do on a visit to Mcr' then I'm kinda stumped.

i've never been to 'mcr' but i'd guess there are good things there, and there's plenty of cash in the suburbs and cheshire so it's not like i'm h8ing on mogadishu and its terrible indie scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku3g9xPCs0M

=

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClcwKgxu2wk

there's 2 threads of mancs hating on a whole country so i dont think anyones gonna judge you nakh on hating the whole aura of manchester thing

i mean imma prob vote for mumfords in the landfill thread, i'm not sure i'd even have any liverchester filth in my top 3 or 4 contenders either

they're shit even at being shit

http://i.imgur.com/87Uni.jpg

Cheshire, culturally speaking, wants fuck all to do with Manchester (and vice versa).

And any connection Cheshire has with Manchester is with south Manchester, which has much less to do with the Manchester you are lamenting here, I think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1842QnWpqY&feature=related

from about 3 minutes on. what a great bloke Browny really is. looking for that dope-addled interview where he'd been listening to too much Capleton and started calling for dem battymen to be bunned.

isn't south manchester the more middle class bit.....and some areas to the north, whereas inner manchester is mostly poor?

where do most of the shit bands come from

Runcorn

stone roses first album is probably the last thing in the manc indie canon that doesn't need to be destroyed

i'll rep for Yes Please, don't really care for the Roses but I guess that first album gave us "Tunes Splits the Atom" so it's not all bad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9kGItHdEYU

much better with them bleep bloops all over it

fuck I looked like Tunes in 1990, them round sunglasses were all the go

A guy called gerald + probably other great early 90s dance music that I don't know about probably puts Manchester on a level with Sheffield (stuff of that period). The dance music scene is alright, I prefer it to Leeds. I like Trus'me.

S Manchester = middle class (inc all the uni students). Current musical output: dull indiepop

Yer shit Manc indie bands are from the inner manchester or, more likely, northern outskirts like Oldham.

South Manchester is not really representative of the city as a whole and has more in common with London/SE England than it does with East Manchester.

(I am a middle class Manchester uni graduate so obv live in south suburbs)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-X5ekIFIazg&feature=related

INDIE CLUB

I agree it's time ILM had an anti-sheffield thread!

this is going to be the last h8fest i'm engaging in for a while, cuz between the theory bloggahs, the illiterate sportswriters, the deviantart nudniks and the landfill reets i've been keeping it negative in a not altogether healthy way this week

n e wayz to summarize, i can understand why an area that did see a lot of interesting stuff 25 yrs go would want to nurture some sort of heritage industry, tho the ubiquity of lecherous senile cunts like peter hook makes it seem pretty risible

however, whilst nobody would mistake the relics of the uk's industrial past for actual productive capacity, there seems to be a mistaken belief that former greatness in cultural fields persists beyond its very obvious death

this supposed aura is in actuality the grim spectre of endogamy and ancestor worship, an autophagic freakshow without end

sing that last line to yourself in the style of ian curtis

nah, 'senile cunts' and 'autophagic freakshow' in the same song could only be sung by MES, but i don't think he needs to outsource his lyrics

http://fuc51.blogspot.com/

BY THE SEA...IS OVERRATED!!...

It felt more like 2 1/2 hours than Silence did.