"if you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she's sexy in both. She's got double D's! You can't cover those suckers up!"

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

this quote comes from wholesome former minister Joe Simpson, speaking about his daughter Jessica.

so how do you get from preaching to a congregation to negotiating photo shoot contracts for your teenaged daughter with maxim?

― JD from CDepot, Sunday, 12 June 2005 03:10 (nineteen years ago) link

Double Ds are HUGE. She does not have double Ds.

― metal assembly (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 12 June 2005 03:14 (nineteen years ago) link

Those aren't double Ds. I can't believe how ignorant some people are about bra sizes. I'd say she's a C cup.

― bob n0pe (bobnope), Sunday, 12 June 2005 03:18 (nineteen years ago) link

well, as i recall right the context of the quote = discussing why agents weren't interested in jessica as a christian rock / devotional music artist. they wouldn't sign her. they told her she didn't have a career in faith-based music because her boobs were too big, and so she wouldn't project the right image. i think she said on her show that she used to wear big floppy sweaters and people would STILL notice.

i think after a while the wholesome minister was like "fuck it - there's no reason jessica shouldn't have a singing career".

apparently he is of the small, isolated minority of people who don't believe being the subject of a maxim photo shoot fucks one up for life.

― vahid (vahid), Sunday, 12 June 2005 04:34 (nineteen years ago) link

did you hear the sermon about the mote in one's eye?

― vahid (vahid), Sunday, 12 June 2005 04:36 (nineteen years ago) link

ihttp://www.dumpstersluts.com/blogfill/20040723/jessica-simpson/20040721_jsimpson_06.jpeg

It's possible... Single D, maybe...

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Sunday, 12 June 2005 04:39 (nineteen years ago) link

definitely more than a C, they're pretty damn big!

― Mike O. (Mike Ouderkirk), Sunday, 12 June 2005 05:04 (nineteen years ago) link

Maxim is amazing as it's probably the first kind of pornography you can buy at the grocery store and get away with socially.

― Cunga (Cunga), Sunday, 12 June 2005 05:14 (nineteen years ago) link

That's not the context I remember for that quote. It was a GQ or Esquire (maybe Details, I get the three of them mixed up) about Daddy and how happy she was these days.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:22 (nineteen years ago) link

It was definitely way creepier than explaining her target demographic.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:22 (nineteen years ago) link

Who cares what they are. They're huge.

P.S. Is it me or is it weird that her father knows his daughters bust size?

― Michael Costello (MichaelCostello1), Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:26 (nineteen years ago) link

apparently he is of the small, isolated minority of people who don't believe being the subject of a maxim photo shoot fucks one up for life.

And also of the minority that deems it perfectly acceptable and not at all *weird* to discuss his own daughter's ample bosom and across-the-board sexiness in public.

(oh, xpost obv)

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:30 (nineteen years ago) link

maybe he's seen her TITS.JPG

― Amon (eman), Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:35 (nineteen years ago) link

in the "These Boots" videos, she grabs em and says "double d's"

― [that bastard] jaxon (jaxon), Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:40 (nineteen years ago) link

she's lying.

― metal assembly (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:45 (nineteen years ago) link

http://thebosh.com/archives/js-swimsuit.jpg

― metal assembly (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:46 (nineteen years ago) link

i must protect jessica from this evil world

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:56 (nineteen years ago) link

"suckers"

― Roz (Roz), Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:57 (nineteen years ago) link

No those are DD's.

I know girls who have DD's and those look a lot like them

― Michael Costello (MichaelCostello1), Sunday, 12 June 2005 07:01 (nineteen years ago) link

how do you know THEY'RE not lying?

― metal assembly (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 12 June 2005 07:06 (nineteen years ago) link

hooray for men who claim to be experts on women's cup sizes!

― metal assembly (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 12 June 2005 07:09 (nineteen years ago) link

This reminds me of the horrifying story a friend told me about a date he met online. THe girl showed up after sending an inaccurate photo, and all he remembers from the night of drunkenness was that at one point she stood up, begin mashing her bosom and shouted at everyone in the bar, "Get a load of these DOUBLE D'S!"

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Sunday, 12 June 2005 07:13 (nineteen years ago) link

storm in a dcup
i don't care if they're real or not as long as they're big uns.

― heri galliwell, Sunday, 12 June 2005 07:48 (nineteen years ago) link

"36D" by The Beautiful South

Close your legs, open your mind
Leave those compliments well behind
Dig a little deeper into yourself
And you may find

Come over here just sit right down
Needn't comb your hair, needn't pout or frown
I hear you've turned our young men
Into dribbling clowns

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?
36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?

Make their day and go ahead
Remove your clothes lie on their bed
Just a last gasp chance or an outside bet
To the easily led

― Jazzbo (jmcgaw), Sunday, 12 June 2005 10:07 (nineteen years ago) link

If that bikini photo is at all recent, those aren't even Ds. Sorry.

― bob n0pe (bobnope), Sunday, 12 June 2005 13:42 (nineteen years ago) link

Surely the creepiest Joe Simpson quote was the one when he talked about her sex life? Didn't it go something like "she remained a virgin until she got married, but now she's having sex all the time and loves it!".

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 12 June 2005 14:39 (nineteen years ago) link

Apparently she is having sex with Johnny Knoxville.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 12 June 2005 14:43 (nineteen years ago) link

And Bam Bam or whatever his name is.

― nathalie's post modern sleaze fest (stevie nixed), Sunday, 12 June 2005 14:48 (nineteen years ago) link

i just wanted to say that my stomach hurt so i took a shit and now i'm kinda hungry.

― That One Guy (That One Guy), Sunday, 12 June 2005 15:10 (nineteen years ago) link

i know double Ds and those are not

― kyle (akmonday), Sunday, 12 June 2005 15:58 (nineteen years ago) link

Do any female rock stars actually have double D's?

― billstevejim (billstevejim), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:09 (nineteen years ago) link

they told her she didn't have a career in faith-based music because her boobs were too big, and so she wouldn't project the right image.

How un-Christian of them! Are not bosoms part of the Good Lord's creation? [/gratuitously heavy sarcasm]

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:21 (nineteen years ago) link

If that bikini photo is at all recent, those aren't even Ds. Sorry.

it's a still from her new video.

― metal assembly (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:24 (nineteen years ago) link

Apparently she is having sex with Johnny Knoxville.
-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...), June 12th, 2005. (later)
And Bam Bam or whatever his name is.

-- nathalie's post modern sleaze fest (stevienixe...), June 12th, 2005. (later)

Do you think they Eiffel Tower her?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:38 (nineteen years ago) link

Yes. No more questions.

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:42 (nineteen years ago) link

P.S. Is it me or is it weird that her father knows his daughters bust size?

conclusion: he doesn't. :)

― Ludo (Ludo), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:52 (nineteen years ago) link

is she trying to wash the car with her backside in that picture?
i don't understand why people think that is sexy.

― That One Guy (That One Guy), Sunday, 12 June 2005 17:15 (nineteen years ago) link

P.S. Is it me or is it weird that her father knows his daughters bust size?

Joe Simpson be pimpin'.

― Taste the Blood of Scrovula (noodle vague), Sunday, 12 June 2005 17:18 (nineteen years ago) link

is she trying to wash the car with her backside in that picture?

it's fairly clear to me that she's using her silky blond hair in place of a sponge to soap up the car. this is a service you get at only the finest carwashes.

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Sunday, 12 June 2005 17:27 (nineteen years ago) link

Do you think they Eiffel Tower her?

If the version I heard is true, one does her while the other holds the video camera.

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 12 June 2005 17:58 (nineteen years ago) link

apparently they let her in the back door but not the front, which makes sense because lots of xian girls are really into anal, because the sacred hymen is left for the husband

― anthony easton (anthony), Sunday, 12 June 2005 18:03 (nineteen years ago) link

Hmph. I'd rather she had anal sex with Willie Nelson.

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 12 June 2005 19:23 (nineteen years ago) link

god says it's ok to do it up the butt (straight couples only, though)

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Sunday, 12 June 2005 20:25 (nineteen years ago) link

That's a spoof, right? Please tell me it's a spoof.

― Taste the Blood of Scrovula (noodle vague), Sunday, 12 June 2005 20:32 (nineteen years ago) link

Since the publication of our original article on anal sex and God’s will, we have received several inquiries asking to clarify God’s position concerning oral sex. We are gratified that so many Christians are hungry for the word of the Lord...

Oh, it's gotta be.

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 12 June 2005 20:34 (nineteen years ago) link

It's the bit about threesomes being acceptable as long as you adhere to a 2 women/1 man ratio that gives it away.

― Taste the Blood of Scrovula (noodle vague), Sunday, 12 June 2005 20:35 (nineteen years ago) link

Do any female rock stars actually have double D's?
-- billstevejim

Does Meg White have double D's?

― buck van morrison (Buck Van Smack), Sunday, 12 June 2005 22:26 (nineteen years ago) link

Ludacris fills cups like double D's, if that helps.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 12 June 2005 22:27 (nineteen years ago) link

AARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 12 June 2005 22:28 (nineteen years ago) link

Dolly

― buck van morrison (Buck Van Smack), Sunday, 12 June 2005 22:30 (nineteen years ago) link

Those are absolutely not Double D's, speaking as someone who works in the lingerie department of a store, who HAS BREASTS, and whose mother wears Double D's.

D maybe, C probably. Guys, girls lie about their cup size all the time--especially in magazines.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 13 June 2005 02:11 (nineteen years ago) link

Ze technical term for young Zhessica's brreasts is "humoungus melons".
I am an expert and haf a Phd in Boobiez Studies from California University.

― Professer von Koppafeal., Monday, 13 June 2005 02:16 (nineteen years ago) link

ten months pass...

They're probably Ds...very round...firm D-Cups...
*has pleasant feelings*

― lookthatthoseteats!!!, Thursday, 4 May 2006 23:04 (eighteen years ago) link

You're not Russian, by any chance.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 4 May 2006 23:08 (eighteen years ago) link

"conclusion: he doesn't. :)"

When Joe Simpson jerks off, Jessica has double ds.

― js (honestengine), Friday, 5 May 2006 01:03 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh, wrinkleboobs.

― StanM (StanM), Friday, 5 May 2006 03:23 (eighteen years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Jessica Simpson has a D-Cup. It's a little small, but it's a D-Cup nonetheless. So there.

― ChestWatch, Thursday, 25 May 2006 23:31 (eighteen years ago) link

so how do you get from preaching to a congregation to negotiating photo shoot contracts for your teenaged daughter with maxim?

in all seriousness, Joe Simpson was a Youth Minister before he said fuck it and started pimping his daughter. its pretty different from being an actual pastor or minister or other such leader of a congregation.

― grady (grady), Thursday, 25 May 2006 23:52 (eighteen years ago) link

Joe Simpson was a Youth Minister before he said fuck it and started pimping his daughter. its pretty different from being an actual pastor or minister or other such leader of a congregation.

No kidding. Youth pastors are always seemingly picked by how "with it" they are and have a knack for corny irreverence. I remember going to a Christian teens thing once and the pastor made some playfully awful sex joke, the disclaimer was that it involved a wife and husband.

and lol@ "suckers"

― Cunga (Cunga), Friday, 26 May 2006 00:06 (eighteen years ago) link

i have several family members who went to "reputable christian colleges" and the difference between telling someone you are a Theology major and telling someone you are a Youth Ministries major is like the difference between saying you're Pre-Med and saying you're P.E.

point being, its not like Joe Simpson went straight from being all Holy Joe reputable spiritual leader to saying the kind of thing in this thread's title. Its more like he went from getting his paycheck from a church to getting his paycheck from a record label.

― grady (grady), Friday, 26 May 2006 00:48 (eighteen years ago) link

Well boobies look different if you are 1.) lying down 2.) pre-menstrual 3.) on the pill. All of these things can change a person's boobs a whole cup size. I know cuz I am WOMAN. And all these guys on here who think they're experts....yeah right, like you're in Victoria's Secret with your tape measures, and you are DA EXPERTS. Women lie about boobs just like men lie about their cocks. Big enough for ya?

― Maria Snowe, Friday, 26 May 2006 02:46 (eighteen years ago) link

Do go on.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 26 May 2006 02:53 (eighteen years ago) link

"cuz I am WOMAN"

― cave people post here now? (Kim), Friday, 26 May 2006 02:56 (eighteen years ago) link

W-O-M-A-N
I'll say it again

― I Hate You Little Girls (noodle vague), Friday, 26 May 2006 07:37 (eighteen years ago) link

three years pass...

Jessica Simpson has a D-Cup. It's a little small, but it's a D-Cup nonetheless. So there.

― ChestWatch, Thursday, May 25, 2006 7:31 PM

― ☀ ☃ (am0n), Saturday, 10 April 2010 20:42 (fourteen years ago) link

Professor Von Koppafeal for mod

― cousin itt (Whiney G. Weingarten), Saturday, 10 April 2010 21:30 (fourteen years ago) link

ChestWatch for mod

― steev reich (Curt1s Stephens), Saturday, 10 April 2010 21:33 (fourteen years ago) link

I am an expert and haf a Phd in Boobiez Studies from California University.

I was waiting for the "Carnegie Mellon University" joke and I left disappointed.

― fukkin magnets (ecuador_with_a_c), Saturday, 10 April 2010 21:42 (fourteen years ago) link

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.