'John Carter,' aka the Edgar Rice Burroughs 'A Princess of Mars' adaptation

And...nobody cares, apparently. The conspiracy theories in the comments are hilarious.

I have a vague curiosity about this -- a friend is a massive fan of the original books, which she read and enjoyed when she was a teenager, and has been hoping for the best but I can't say I see it myself.

Also, of course the Asylum already did their version of it. But that apparently was to cash in on Avatar.

lol Traci Lords workin hard

i find it so weird that this exists. are they keeping the whole civil war context?

Yep

it's not surprising this is not going to do well, it's not a set of stories that are all that popular anymore.

from the director of wall-e and with a script by michael chabon! this is so weird

totally amazed this got made. I would be interested if it had any hope of being remotely good. which it does not (I hate Michael Chabon)

I dunno, I kind of think this could be great! Have no opinion on its forecasted box office performance, the whole inside baseball way that everyone talks about forthcoming movies now is so weird and gross to me.

Some clips here if anyone wants a deeper look than the trailers. That second clip bugs the ever loving shit out of me because Phobos does not look like that from the surface of Mars. It orbits faster than the planet rotates, less than 4,000 miles from the surface, so it moves west-to-east across the sky twice a day.

the ads look cool, but I have zero faith in this adaptation-by-committee/summer blockbuster bullshit. they're never any good.

After so many years on the cusp of being made, gonna be really something how fast this vanishes from theaters.

The New Yorker article about this made it seem pretty promising to me. We'll see I guess.

shakey what is it you hate about chabon again?

the one book I read of his lol

there's a thread about it iirc

I want it to be good. I reread the books a year or so ago and they're still a boat load of fun. By far the best E. R. Burroughs (though I have a soft spot for the Venus rehashes).

chabon has been working out a fascination with genre fiction for a long time now, so his name is one i'm okay seeing attached to a project like this

otoh there were copies of wonder boys for £1 when you bought something in the bookstore the other day and i still didn't buy a copy

The Adventures Of Kavalier and Clay is great IMO

Loved these books as a kid so - yes - looking forward to it.

I liked the ERB Mars books as a kid, but to me it's all about the Frank Frazetta illustrations:

http://www.artistsuk.co.uk/acatalog/Princess_of_Mars_Frank_Frazetta.jpg

The title of the movie is terrible, but most titles that are just a person's name are terrible.

Have been half looking forward to it as a friend is working on the CGI, he was hoping for good things from Stanton's first live action picture. I don't see why the fact that the stories aren't well known should be a strike against it, but either way I'll reserve judgement till the reviews, trailers looked so-so but what can you really tell from a trailer eh.

spending $250 million on a century-old property w/ no contemporary life.... man oh man.

Nice nipples though.

haha really that much? huh

I don't see why the fact that the stories aren't well known should be a strike against it

it's partly that calling it 'john carter' is a strike against it in that case - like, unless you already mentally complete that "... of MARS!" that's totally meaningless to you

obv these budget $$$ are always hearsay (and inflated by rivals) but it doesn't look cheap.

At least they didn't call it Jack Carter; everyone wd've thought it was a bio of the old Vegas comedian.

havent read the original stories, but isnt john carter meant to be bloodthirsty, oversexed and immortal? this version seems highly genericized

not as of the first book, no

think Hungr4Ass is confusing John Carter with John Norman

lol

iirc a big part of the charm of the first book is Carter being this bizarre theosophist-Highlander figure who has a long and mysterious history as an immortal warrior on Earth prior to transmigrating to Mars during a fight with Apaches ... he narrates the batshit-insane events of A Princess of Mars in a mannerly, military-memoir style ERB imagines appropriate to such a figure. This stoic first-person voice is key to the book's hallucinatory effect. I like Chabon, but I don't see how any of this translates into a screenplay.

The book is on Gutenberg btw.

lol i remember literally none of that

They should have just called the movie "Carter."

"Carter: 3-D"

Get Carter of Mars

Mars, Attacked

Both "Mars" and "Attacked" are better names than "John Carter."

The Civil War (on Mars) (But At The Same Time, Pretty Much)

they really should have gotten Noah Wylie to star in this

you say that about every movie!!

yes, but they could have started another "Predator ship"-style fanboy debate with this between "A Princess of Mars" and "ER"

"John Carter, MD, of Mars."

John Carter the Unstoppable Mars Machine.

haha

How the fuck do you rename something "John Carter" that has the already-awesome name "Princess of Mars".

apparently the reasoning was that boys dont like princesses, so they made it john carter of mars. and girls dont like planets, so they made it just john carter

they wanted to avoid the taint of mars

Martian taint is true. The New Yorker article said it was because that Mars Needs Moms movie was such a bomb.

I saw the trailer yesterday and among all the problems I have the aliums all look like Phantom Menace/Jar-Jar animation and it's really, really skeeving me out.

Tim Riggins of Mars! Is what the movie should be called.

The title of the movie is terrible, but most titles that are just a person's name are terrible.

― WARS OF ARMAGEDDON (Karaoke Version) (Sparkle Motion), Thursday, February 16, 2012 8:10 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is otm, why did they take out the MARS part?? what are they thinking??

see the Mars Needs Moms tidbit.

Mars Needs Moms was shit because it was a piece of overmade garbage that took a perfectly good Berkeley Breathed story and made it into something stupid. The involvement of mars was the least of it's problems!! God studio execs are such MORONS (#955,000)

its

didn't realize people had such strong feelings about mars needs moms.

people = me

I just really liked that Berkeley Breathed book. :(

Mars Needs Vegemite

I should just stay on the IA thread...

( <3 Ned )

Martian taint is true. The New Yorker article said it was because that Mars Needs Moms movie was such a bomb.

― EZ Snappin, Saturday, 18 February 2012 04:16 (1 hour ago) Permalink

that's nuts. people really think an unrelated kid movie's flopping would affect this one?

I only know the books tangentially (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) but this looks GREAT.

Maybe I'm the only one, but I'm genuinely looking forward to this and thoroughly expect to enjoy it. I re-read Princess Of Mars the other day to prepare and damn, it's great.

Other than the alien animation, the rest of it does look pretty fantastic.

all i ever notice of the commercials for this are a sandy vista and a scruffy warrior guy, which makes me go "is this prince of persia? didn't that already come out?"

this should have been called JOHN CARTER PRINCESS OF MARS imho

JOHN CARTER OF MARS: A PRINCESS OF MARS: THE LEGEND OF JOHN CARTER (OF MARS)

PRINCESS JOHN CARTER OF MARS

JOHN CARTER: TURN OFF THE MARS

Y'ALL READY FOR MARS?

A MARS A DAY HELPS YOU WORK, REST AND SLAY

ahaha

ha

http://cf.badassdigest.com/_uploads/images/16650/ghosts-featured1__span.jpg

buzzkill

And the knives really start coming out:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/02/21/john-carter-disney-s-quarter-billion-dollar-movie-fiasco.html

3 pages of industry insider gossip about kerfuffle among the money men? Will hold out for the reviews. Still, $400 million is a heckuvalot.

Martian taint is true.

one for the out of context thread

Hey, they said "Titanic" would flop! They said "Avatar" would flop! Don't ever count out Cameron!

Oh, wait, this isn't Cameron?!

In that case, consider it a tax write-off, Disney.

since it's an old book they should cut it into four parts and run it on masterpiece theater

HE DIDNT GET OUT OF THE COCKADOODIE CAR

finally watched the trailer for this:
-disney seems to only have one look for their heroes-Carter looks just like Prince of Persia
-looks like it'll be a whole movie of that gladiator arena scene from Attack of the clones.
-doesn't look fun

mars needs momus

also how come the sky isn't all red and martiany looking

where are the communiony-looking aliens

i mean

I dunno, at least it's rated properly

I see all these R-rated movies like immortals and the conan reboot and wonder how much money is left on the table, they would be catnip for 12/13 yo boys

if the clash of the titans reboot did good money, can't see why this wouldn't, unless it's absolutely interminable, trailer looks cool

plus my 10 yo is raring to see it so

Stanton: 'You just gotta trust us.'

Kitsch admitted that it took him some time to understand the terminology of Barsoom — which is what Martians call their home world.

“I had a white chalkboard in my house in Austin, and I was like, ‘OK, Helium .. .Zodanga … Dejah … Woola,’” Kitsch said at a low-key party after the screening. “It’s insane. It took me three-plus times to really embrace and understand what was going on. But if I don’t buy into it, neither do you.”

I can imagine Kitsch wandering around repeating those words to himself for hours on end.

Still disappointed they didn't decide to be like the books and have everyone naked all the time

What in the shit

http://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/vulture/2012/02/14/14_woola.o.jpg/a_610x408.jpg

does his nose have its own separate face?

Jabba is that you?

Woola! I love Woola. Best pet companion ever.

anyone see the fan trailer for this?

http://geekout.blogs.cnn.com/2012/02/27/fans-create-their-own-trailer-for-john-carter/?hpt=hp_bn8

(it's linked in the article). Makes the film look about 100x more interesting. Studio may have really boffed it with the dumb trailers they've been running.

Latest ep of the Nerdist podcast has Willem Dafoe promoting this. Worth a listen, just for its pure Dafoe-ness, even if it's frustratingly short.

Wow, that fan trailer is a heroic effort.

Saw it this morning. Liked it. Dug the odder aspects of the premise, but I can't imagine audiences reponding with too much enthusiasm.

That dog monster looks like a walking ass.

You look like a walking ass.

(Sorry; hard to resist.)

fan trailer is excellent and makes me weep for Hollywood marketing machine in 2012

A positive review:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmblog/2012/mar/01/john-carter-week-geek?CMP=twt_fd

I can't imagine the director, given his pedigree, would release anything sub-par, bar studio meddling, but it sounds like the studio gave him free reign. Except when it comes to promotion, I guess.

Saw it yesterday, not familiar with the books but I really, really enjoyed it, up until about 2/3 way through where it starts to drag a little/feel overly familiar (and I really wish I hadn't seen the one trailer I did). The sets are lovely. I spent most of the time drinking in the feel of Flash Gordon, Star Wars, even Neverending Story and wondering how they decided on the tone they did (classic, good amount of cheese, nothing too modern-feeling) and wondering how the kids would take to it.
The two leads are ok. Talyor Kiscth took down those ape things hardcore.

Hope it does well, feel like the promotion has been shit but I don't watch TV so maybe that's where it all is.

tim riggins is in this movie

the trailer on tv seems terrible, but every time i see it i think, hmm there is tim riggins, maybe i should see this?

I have the same problem

Bummed that dafoe is more just a voiceover than dafoe with four arms.

Glenn Kenny liked it: http://movies.msn.com/movies/movie-critic-reviews/john-carter/

caption to beat

http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/review/john-carter/6091

The trailer running on TV for this here is a MESS, I have no idea whatsoever what is going on, its just a series of badly cut together load of cgi smash bash crash jumping around in the desert.

Having seen that fan trailer now Im like OH, there is a WHOLE PLOT that looks actually p interesting and now I kind of want to see this.

fuck u jaime N. christley for slant magazine. you are the one who, in a nutshell, is a flimsy paper plate laden precariously with human feces.

that was an incredibly hacky review, not that im looking forward to this or anything. funny caption though

WOW A FAT JOKE THAT'S TOTES HILARS!!!!

Is Jeff Wells moonlighting as a caption writer for Slant?

Caption is great.

Also, comparing any sci-fi fish-out-of-water/outsider-goes-native story to Avatar in 2012 = hack hackity hack hack hack. Couldn't he at least have gone with "Dances With Martians" or something?

i didnt think it was a fat joke!

More of a homely overactor joke.

https://twitter.com/#!/j_christley/status/177364394144038912

not authorised to see this status

Oh, I guess he protects his tweets, but it was kind of a wan joke on Bryan Cranston's cameo.

sounds like a pip

unprotect wan jokes NOW

Still amazed that every trailer I have seen about this has failed to imply the movie is about anything

There are some aliens he bonds with in some way and he's John Carter... of Earth... and there are big battles and a dog thing. That's all I've got so far!

I feel like the trailer needs to either tease the conflict in the plot and make me want to see how it plays out, or at least introduce me to the main character and then throw him on Mars.

BAR....SOOM

i think this is the first time i've seen people agree so comprehensively a trailer just doesn't give away enough of the plot

doesn't indicate the movie has one, tbh

really enjoyed it, up until about 2/3 way through where it starts to drag a little/feel overly familiar

The case with every decent genre movie I've seen in the last umpteen years. The front half is ALWAYS twice as good as the back half. Screenwriterly ppl need to forget everything they think is necessary about 'third acts' IMO.

That said, still super psyched to see this.

i think a lot of that is that its just plain easier to introduce a good concept than it is to follow through on it

tim riggins is in this movie

lol shirtless tim riggins is like... i am clicking on a thread about this movie

exactly

who tf is tim riggins? sounds like a ship's boy in a dickens novel.

Friday Night Lights

u better recognize

doesn't indicate the movie has one, tbh

there's a guy called john carter, he is on mars, there are fights, what else do you need to know

i don't know. i mean, partly there's the problem that the novel opens basically "so one day after we'd lost the civil war to those damn northerners i had a nap and then i was on mars", i think the first part of that is a tough sell for a trailer

the trailers do nothing to convey that hes on mars

Not really! I think they could conveniently not mention his allegiance in the Civil War in the trailer, but there's no indication in the press materials that this is a "guy from 1800s gets transported to Mars" flick.

they do nothing to convey:
- the year
- the setting
- that he had a life before being shirtless in what appears to be New Mexico with a bunch of green people

i don't know, maybe it's hard to get past the fact that i already know the plot of the novel, but the superbowl trailer seems to clearly express: this guy is from earth. he winds up on an alien planet via mysterious means. he ends up in some military-hero role for alien dudes.

my main problem with it is that every line spoken suggests people talk like absolute goobers throughout the movie, tbh? but i'm not sure what else you'd go for with the source material, playing it straight sort of requires that you end up with something incredibly easy to make fun of in that line

re: time: the long-form trailer has a bunch of shots in, well, it looks more like victorian england? but that's another problem, and has people going 'whatever happened to john carter we really don't know', then cut to shirtless new mexico

there's no indication that theres any kind of story at all. you can get away with a suggestive teaser trailer that doesn't tell you anything, if it's intriguing or eyecatching in some way, but eventually you do need a trailer that at least gives you a basic 'what is this about' kind of gist. disney obviously has zero confidence in the movie and thinks they have to ambush people with the mars element and the period element, but all that leaves you with is shirtless white guy jumping high (i dont know anything about friday night lights but this taylor kitsch guy looks like a black hole of charisma)

watch what u say abt Tim Riggins

FUCK TIM RIGGINS!!!!

i think "transported to mars" is a tough sell too, because lol mars he's clearly running around with no shirt on and yelling and doing fine -- the long-running 'let us totally ignore everything we actually know about mars!' SF conceit having not been established in film afaik

and yeah the dramatic 'he jumps really high! like really really high!' is pretty woeful

idk i don't really think this qualifies as 'a good trailer' but having heard eight million times the complaint that blockbuster trailers always just give you the whole plot i think it's odd that this becomes the site of complaint for this

(in the academy this is going to be the most pointlessly overdiscussed mediocre film since basic instinct 2)

i... im sorry...

wait, dominic west is in this?

We're all in this.

I'm Woola.

;_;

basic instinct 2 had some merit

Will John Carters of Earth see John Carter?

Lotta dead John Carters huh.

John Carter of Iowa
John Carter of North Dakota

tim riggins is a charisma supernova fyi

otm

calling actors by their TV names is annoying, esp when he's got a great name like Kitsch

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Tim Riggins will be the highpoint of his career

Okay thank you for clearing that up, I was wondering who this Tim Riggins guy was when everyone seemed to be talking about Kitsch...

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Tim Riggins will be the highpoint of his career

idk he wore a swimsuit p well in 'the covenant' but probably

it's less depressing to call him Tim Riggins, that way I can pretend Battleship and X Men never happened

Anyway, looks like I will be seeing this thing tomorrow with some friends who are Edgar Rice Burroughs fiends and have been hoping like hell it succeeds. So...we'll see.

Keen to find out your thoughts, Ned. fyi you're gonna be my weathervane on this thing

"It was all about Woola's buttface! Oh yeah some dude in a loincloth."

and then there was this crazy pod race in the middle...

"Use your light saber John...oh my!"

looool

Rich Juzwiak ‏ @RichJuz: My favorite thing about John Carter is that its first line is "Mars!" (in voice over).

:D

i want to see this badly because i love the "planetary romance" genre (SPACE: 1889!) and the guardian review gives me some much-needed hope for the film

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/ba/Adventures_of_buckaroo_banzai.jpg

i am also vajazzled for this, though i refuse to specifically endorse "planetary romance" on the grounds that it sounds suspiciously like something that twirly moustache steampunk ppl would fancy.

buckaroo bonzai now and forever

Not this review?

http://m.guardian.co.uk/ms/p/gnm/op/s0NXmqAl4Z9LR-DQO91AOkg/view.m?id=15&gid=film/2012/mar/08/john-carter-review&cat=most-read

block that metaphor:

I felt as if someone had dragged me into the kitchen of my local Greggs, and was baking my head into the centre of a colossal cube of white bread.

^ a feeling i think we all know well

wtf

reviewer took too many mushrooms in prep

reviewer baked his head in too many ovens

when metaphors fail

i am also vajazzled for this, though i refuse to specifically endorse "planetary romance" on the grounds that it sounds suspiciously like something that twirly moustache steampunk ppl would fancy.

Aw c'mon man! Leigh Brackett! C.L. Moore! JACK FUCKING VANCE! It's a genre with pedigree.

no ledge, this one that ned posted upthread: http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmblog/2012/mar/01/john-carter-week-geek?CMP=twt_fd

the "planetary romance" genre is basically like the originary text for steampunk!

http://sleech.info/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/space1889.jpg

grew up on this nonsense

http://tcrf.net/images/f/f3/Martian_Dreams_-_Title.png

I guess what it comes down to is that my very favorite shit (Jack Vance, James P Blaylock) happens to be foundational for steampunk, yet I abhor steampunk.

So it was pretty ridiculous and entertaining! Yeah, go see it.

There's a huge feeling of "Wow, I can't believe they got away with spending that much money on this" but however formulaic it was always going to be, it wasn't dull. And yeah, Riggins or Kitsch or whatever you want to call him did pretty good and yes is mostly stripped down to not much throughout.

It's also the kind of film where I missed some dialogue here and there and thought "Ah, it won't matter." And it didn't, and I expected as much, so.

TIM RIGGINS OF MARS

yay

Thanks for the report Ned! Glad to hear it was fun.

Fun is important. I feel better about seeing this

There's one scene that is pure pulp one-dude-vs-the-alien-horde and gotta say that was pretty amazingly done. Frazetta come to life, that.

from Boxoffice:

John Carter is off to an underwhelming start. The sci-fi flick grabbed only $9.818 million on Friday. If family audiences decide to show up, then Carter could manage a better multiplier this weekend and possibly pass the $30 million mark. Either way, there's no way this debut will be seen as anything but a disappointment. Carter will have very little time to rebound considering that The Hunger Games hits on March 23. A 73% approval rating from around 15,600 Flixster users indicates that word-of-mouth is mixed.

http://www.boxoffice.com/statistics/bo_numbers/early_estimate/2012-03-10

"Industry Hacks Poison Well Before Release, Then Bemoan Poor Box Office."

Even with a shitty marketing strategy, I mean, come on.

My local (NYC) megaplex is showing it in only one of its, like, 14 theatres and that's with just 3 showings per day. I think the "Heaven's Gate"-ish advanced fusillade has mortally wounded this one. FWIW, I'm gonna try and catch this on the big screen at one of those screenings tomorrow.

this was surprisingly breezy for a 2+ hour flick! i enjoyed it for what it was. manages to be pretty light in tone without being campy. worth seeing if you like this sort of thing.

i think I am a person who likes this sort of thing. Buoyed by positive ilxor reviews itt

Underwhelming performance?! After the great pains they took to keep the public from confusing it with Mars Needs Moms!? Surely people were all like, "John Carter? I don't know who he is but he sure sounds interesting! I have to spend $15 to find out more!"

Mark Kermode went on an unholy rant about this, not that that means absolutely anything at all qualitywise, but it made me more aware of just how much the knives were out due to its production cost. I think I'm going to see it this week just to spite that, but my local multiplex is only showing it twice a day in 2D and I can't be fucked with anymore retro-fitted 3D nonsense, unless any of you ILXors think it worth the extra dosh.

Nah, 2D will be fine.

yeah there's no reason to see this in 3D.

http://www.tor.com/stories/2012/03/the-film-makers-of-mars

ha this is awesome read it

Great story!

wow. stop what you're doing and read that article.

ILXors voting with their dollars to fight the burying of $250 M films

Nice.

That article is A+++

thanks for linking that ryman piece, latebloomer. great great great

Mark Kermode went on an unholy rant about this, not that that means absolutely anything at all qualitywise, but it made me more aware of just how much the knives were out due to its production cost.

How did I ever not find Kermode completely awful? He's just insufferable now.

That short story !!!! so good! SO good. Thanks for linking, lb

alt-history science fiction we can get behind

Carter looks to have made about 30 million. Finke is probably gonna get out her autopsy gear, and I'm gonna puke.

Saw a short NYTimes headline: "'Ishtar' Lands on Mars."

I'm going to see this this weekend, assuming they don't pull it hard with a vengeance, but the biggest red flag was not all the bad promotion or the bad advance word, but ironically something that's been trotted out in the film's favor: the fact that the source material has been minded dozens of prominent times over the decades. We've see this before.

Admittedly, that doesn't explain why every other POS people have seen before gets seen these days, from sequels to franchise kickstarts. And even on the higher end of things, I have no idea why people in America would take a shot at "Tintin" (however modest) but not this.

Ladies and gentlemen, future fall guy Rich Ross, former TV exec and chariman of Disney:

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2012/03/12/business/carterjump1color/carterjump1color-articleInline.jpg

It would have been funnier if it was Rick Ross.

http://www.wchstv.com/abc/spincity/richardkind.jpg + http://content.answcdn.com/main/content/img/PosterThumbs/melgibson.jpg = http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2012/03/12/business/carterjump1color/carterjump1color-articleInline.jpg

I seem to remember reading that all blockbuster films – at least from the last 20 years – have at least recouped their costs over time.

what, even Cutthroat Island?

-xpost -

However, just looking it up now that seems to be balls. Mars Needs Moms (which I'd not even heard of) seems likely to struggle.

I still have never seen Cutthroat Island, and I probably should because I have an irrational love for The Long Kiss Goodnight. xp

i thought it was more draggy than breezy, but yeah it was alright. i thought it got pretty deadly any time it asked you to care about the fate of barsoom or whatever, which is most of the 2nd half. movie would've been better with young kurt russell in the lead (or present day 60 y/o kurt russell), kitsch is OK but kinda bland

I am going to see John Carter tonight.

Man, Kurt Russell would have killed in this. And whenever it got a little slow I just enjoyed the backgrounds; the money spent shows onscreen.

That Times story says it needs to make $600 mil to make its money back. $100 mil down (total), $500 mil to go!

Should be a jolly disparity as I read this over the week and then see it this weekend.

Oh, and nsfw, obv.

Ned OTM about the Frazetta moments. The art direction was in many ways the most worthwhile element. Loving and lovely.

Riggins' performance could best be described, I think, as "mostly shirtless."

Oh like THAT'S going to keep VegemiteGrrl from seeing this.

:D

I find my self suddenly ALL ABOUT THIS MOVIE

It shouldn't! Perfectly legit reason to go IMO and very much in line with the Frazetta/Vallejo tradition.

Just, Kurt Russell nothin', Josh Holloway would have killed this if he'd had a prayer of pulling off the wardrobe.

I would have been like one of those Twilight people camping out in line for this movie if Josh Holloway had been the lead.

I am making a lot of embarrassing confession this week, sorry.

right there with you, sister

I thought this was great.

Me too. Pleasingly bonkers, straight-up pulpy comic book action, way better than any x-men or green lantern hornets or avatars.

Just listened to the Mark Kermode rant, fuck. I used to have a lot of time for the guy but that was excruciating. Ok so he found it boring, boredom is in the eye of the beholder I guess, it kept my attention for the full length. But incomprehensible? Christ, it wasn't rocket science. There were the green guys and the blue guys and the red guys, and the green guys were particularly easy to spot since they were actually green - oh and they had four arms and were 9 feet tall. The plot took a few diversions, but only into well familiar scenarios. And there were a few funny words, what a shame. Ok I had a few "did they just call him sadgrab or sarbag or sagbar?" moments but given there were barely half a dozen main players it was still hardly taxing.

I was convinced I was going to find it boring, partic as it's fairly long, but it was nicely paced, I thought. How tf is it 'incomprehensible'? I did get a little confused about who was on the red team and the blue team to start off with but ???

well like 75% of the film is people saying fake words, gives a little bit of a Dune vibe in terms of people talking about goofy stuff solemnly, i can see why that seriousness would scan as incomprehensible to someone who wasnt getting into the movie

Alternatively, any movie would be incomprehensible if you didn't give a shit and stopped paying attention. IOW it's a lazy criticism and totally misplaced for a story as straightfoward and well-worn as this.

i am refusing to believe the plot of this can be difficult to follow or incomprehensible, tbh. did the vulture thing about the trailer show up on this thread yet

also, i've seen the thing about them taking 'of mars' out of the title because mars needs moms was such a failure about a dozen times, it has only just occurred to me to wonder, what the fuck is mars needs moms

massive disney mocap bomb, their second about mars in the last year funnily enough

h4a should i go see this tomorrow i trust yr judgement

christ, that rich ross pic is terrifying

a movie about how kids need to learn to appreciate their parents. well that's got summer blockbuster written all over it

Dear ILX, I love you for making me really want to see this.

(And not just because of Tim Riggins)

lamp - yeah why not. you'd probably find some things to dig about it, i dunno.

Dear ILX, I love you for making me really want to see this.

(And not just because of Tim Riggins)

― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, March 12, 2012 8:47 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i was going to post p much the same thing

I enjoyed this! Some meh bits here and there but it worked pretty well, I thought. For those (of us) lamenting the state of big budget Hollywood, this was refreshingly solid.

Also, as a Rome fan, I enjoyed seeing Posca, and then it got even better with Marc Antony and Caesar fighting side by side.

And I just found out Atia was one of the green things!

Ooh Rome ppl :D

So, what we conclude from behavioral analysis and available forensics is the following: The suspect is likely a white male in his late 20s to late 30s. He likely is not a college graduate, but feels nonetheless superior to those with advanced education, and he is likely employed in a bureaucratic entity, possibly civil service or quasi-public service from which he feels alienated. He has a problem with authority and a deep-seated resentment of those who he feels have impeded his progress professionally. …The suspect has trouble with lasting relationships and is possibly a high-functioning alcoholic.

...

http://www.chud.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/John_Carter_DominicWestAsSabThan.jpg

<3 <3

McNulty of Mars

Thoughts - http://sickmouthy.com/2012/03/13/why-do-people-hate-john-carter-of-mars/

nice job, SM :D

Just saw this and really liked it! Will probably become a cult fave like "Return To Oz" - another lush Disney production that was killed out the gate. Want to see this again on the big screen before it's gone (around 6 other people at my screening).

I think we're seeing this on Sat. Tried to convince Mr Veg to go tonight to half-price Tuesday but no dice.

There were 8 other people at mine, but it was 10:35pm on a Monday.

plz just post some Kitsch pec pix

And Lyn Collins thigh pix!

i don't have much desire to see this but it did make me want to read some ERB for the first time in about two decades.

http://i412.photobucket.com/albums/pp201/sharonjoy666/John-Carter-600x400.jpg

Not sure if there are any other film score nerds on ILX but I just listened through the score album and it's Giacchino's high water mark to date, by some distance. Don't buy the Amazon MP3 album though-- it's badly encoded and sounds watery.

Must have been nods to Jerry Goldsmith's Apes score.

Giacchino does the score? DEFINITELY I AM IN. Loved his Star Trek score.

Just heard Stanton talking about filming where they filmed Apes, actually.

yeah i dont usually pay much attention to movie scores but this one seemed pretty good to me, gave it an epic filmmaking feel early in the movie

really enjoyed this! went tonight with ilxor herb albert. i think there were four other people in the audience. totally fun and entertaining. i laughed out loud! i cheered! felt like a kid.

i was the only one laughing at it, but the big SMACK towards the climax was great.

i liked that i could actually see what was going on and follow the action. i get lost in cgi-land sometimes. and i really just loved the jumping thing! totally a kid's dream come true.

Yeah, good call -- nothing ever got too distracting or off. And speaking of CGI-land, that really was some high quality stuff at points, even/especially the Tharks; it shows how quickly the field has grown and improved even over the last few years. Rah for Scott liking it!

i was the only one laughing at it, but the big SMACK towards the climax was great.

Haha if it's what I'm thinking of, yeah, that made our group laugh too.

xpost Is "Return to Oz" really some cult classic?

I'm totally seeing this and "21 Jump Street" this weekend. Please wait out the two weeks til Hunger Games, John Carter, just for me!

Return to Oz is a total cult classic

Yeah, Return To Oz is v.v.cool.

one of the reasons it's fondly remembered is all the awesome puppetry etc. Not sure the cgi of John Carter will be looked back on in the same way

Main reason I fondly remember RtO is it's fucking shit scary.

and we all know cgi ain't scary

The arena scene was almost *too* close visually to the one in the 2nd Star Wars prequel but it was also 1000x more fun/exciting. And with had less monsters!

I also really loved the Tharks. Agree with Ned that the CGI was pretty well done.

is the plot of this movie totally incomprehensible? a.o. scott compared it to "dune," which to my mind reads = visually beautiful and incomprehensible.

it is totally fucking by numbers good guys and bad guys and some other good guys. as i said upthread "incomprehensible" is being used as code for "i got bored and stopped paying attention".

(Xpost) * and with less monsters *

some of the dialogue is incomprehensible because its just people babbling about imaginary names that you literally dont know the meaning of.

i followed the plot. and i'm not that swift.

i mean its basically a kid's movie. in the best possible way.

Xxpost As in most sci-fi. I mean - "Grand Moff Tarkin"? "Tusken Raiders"... It's all part of the tradition. Crits just wanted to pile on this one, I think.

most film critics suck so bad. best to avoid them entirely.

Btw I and off topic: that "Battleship" trailer? Ouch.

At the risk of repeating myself, I wrote about why people are piling on to criticse - http://sickmouthy.com/2012/03/13/why-do-people-hate-john-carter-of-mars/

at risk of typing this sentence

for real tho I liked your post on the movie. looking forward to seeing it this weekend if it's still in theatres

all the trailers i saw before this looked so chaotic and ugly. except for new ridley scott. i definitely wanna see that. die hard on a space station looked okay i guess. though the trailer kinda sucked. i mean i would watch it on netflix. will pretty much watch any die hard on a something movie.

what die hard on a space station movie would that be? also, you got the prometheus trailer? jealous.

oh that prometheus trailer looks v exciting even though I have no idea what's happening except something that looks like a space rollercoaster

prometheus is a moon of saturn, no?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prometheus_%28moon%29

wind storm in trailer -> actually the moon hitting the rings of saturn?

lol bad science

yeah, but I don't think that's where they are.

I'd imagine the title is more to do with stealing fire from the gods

Prometheus is going to be some sort of prequel to Alien -- same universe but different/earlier setting, apparently. Yeah we got that one as well, looked great in 3D. Also enjoyed the ParaNorman and Brave trailers; Battleship can of course fuck off.

i didn't even know john carter was also 3D. not an option where i am. was glad it wasn't. not a big fan of nu-3D or 3D in general. i'm always fiddling with the glasses.

I think that's gotta be LV-426 in the Prometheus trailer. I mean that's totally the derelict ship. xpost

It was retro-fitted, so I skipped the 3D.

this film was kinda long but it was the exact opposite of my tin tin experience. couldn't wait for that to end. could have watched john carter movie for another half hour.

is there a reference to prometheus in alien?

No, but in the viral fake-TED video, Weyland tells the story of Prometheus stealing fire from the gods and talks about his desire to lead the human race into a new era etc etc...

I loved Tin Tin xpost

yeah, i did not love tin tin. but i was also kinda tired and cranky and it felt endless. end of a long day and all that...

Prometheus also created man from clay in some myths. The safe bet is we're going to get a look at the creators of the Aliens. Space Jockeys and all that

viral fake Ted talk?

weyland of weyland-yutani?

this needs it's own thread of nerdery

it's an its not an it's

iPhone auto correcting "its" as a rule is a sign of a civilization in decay, i think

That thread already exists: They're Remaking 'Alien' -- the 'Prometheus' thread

Yeah I loved "Tin Tin" as well except for the interminable, unnecessary and totally un-Herge'ish battle on the docks.

The battle was out of place; pretty much everything else was a treat. Fun score from John Williams too.

Why was John Carter retrofitted? It seems like they would have shot that one in 3-D from the get-go.

well up above it said that the director didn't want to do 3D so i guess he didn't film it in 3D.

Fun score from John Williams too.

It was neat, though heavily reminiscent of his even better music for Catch Me If You Can.

(which movie I've never seen; I probz only see maybe 10% of the films whose scores I listen to)

that's true. it was in production for a very long time, though.

xpost

wow jon williams has really upped the ante since he left ILX

'left'

I understand VegemiteGrrl has now seen and believed.

I have waited about 30 years for this and it delivered everything I wanted it to. It seemed like kind of a pointless merging of books to bring the Therns into this one and I didn't get where they were going with the White Apes at all (my belief was always that ERB was trying to write the same idea as the gorilla in Murders In The Rue Morgue) but that's nitpicking. Great stuff.

YOU GUYS!!!

THIS WAS SO GREAT!

so fun, had a very old-timey feel, even with the cgi. I haven't read the book but it seemed like it was faithful, just from the look & tone.

And holy shirtless Tim Riggins batman. horseshoe, no joke: you NEED to see this.

yay aldo liked it too! that's a damn good sign imo

You're too kind.

My 14yo didn't think it was so hot - he thought the John/Deja romance was hackneyed and he'd seen too much of the rest of it before (like the single flight scenes below Zodanga being reminiscent of RotJ) but then I pointed out to him the book was published 95 years ago and he was just baffled.

I think my favourite bit, although not authentic, was when John returned to the cave and was crusted solid. The funniest sequence was probably John learning about Martian gravity, which is more or less how it happens in the bbook.

I liked the Cranston scenes too

Def want to read the books now

loved this

Wanted to see this today, but there was only one time, a 4pm show, to see it in 2-D.

see it in 2D

3D is not necessary

unless they've 3D'd Tim Riggins' chest and the Princess's boobs in which case, go for it.

Gonna try to go tomorrow after work. Hopefully it's still at the theater on 23rd in Chelsea.

Hated this. Worst film I've seen so far this year.

Wooden acting, boring plot.

SEIZE HIM

Just got back, I had a good time. 2D looked great to me.

Bonus points for evil Martian McNulty and Caesar and Marc Antony from Rome as Martian good guys.

And Walter White! :D

xpost What I meant was that of the five or so screenings at the local theater per day, only one - the 4pm - is in 2D, not 3D. I don't want to see or pay for this in 3D, but damn if 4pm is not the all around worst, least convenient time to see a movie.

Ah, well I agree with that

Tell your boss you have uncontrollable diarrhea at 3:30 imo

Enjoyed 2D Tim Riggins vs McNulty in space. Ladyfriend & I kept laughing at unintentionally funny moments, including seriousface deep eyegazing "sweeeeze" lines. Totally decent ride. Lovely anti-gravity movie.

Reviews calling it incomprehensible were overblown. "Curious sort of blur" seems about right, though. Liked it, but already forgetting it.

I smirked uncontrollably whenever the good guys’ city was mentioned- “we must save Helium!”, “now I must return to the city of my fathers, noble Helium” etc. etc. All they did, they did for Helium. The CGI and 3D was well realised, though, and it was pretty good fun.

encouraged by ILX love, i went to see this (in breathtaking 2D) this afternoon. i can't say it's great, exactly, but i had a hell of a good time with it. solid performances, appealing actors, GREAT MONSTERS, wonderful martian ruins and spooky magic/tech stuff. plus a nicely expansive, resolutely old-fashioned epic science-fantasy adventure story. lots of unexpected twists, revelations and changes of fortune. felt like prime late 70s/early 80s spielberg and lucas all mixed together, much more satisfyingly so than super 8 or the recent star wars and indiana jones outings.

a few drawbacks though. took a little while to get its footing. the opening with sab than getting the magic bracelet was necessary, i suppose, but fairly dull. the floating warships, voodoo tech and martian scenery rarely looked substantial, which made the intro feel a bit cheesy. the following scenes back on earth with JC, however, were fantastic, some of my favorite moments in the film. great ramp-up to his eventual leap across the solar system. once on mars, the "learning to bounce" sequence was more foolish than enjoyably silly, but after that, i was fully on board. still, certain moments and story threads felt underdeveloped. the romance angle was perfunctory, and JC's sudden rise to king of the tharks was worse, completely undeserved. i mean, i'm glad that the film took its time warming up, and that it was so willing to pause for scenery, but it began to feel very rushed towards the end.

nevertheless, i loved it to death and feel crushed by its failure at the box office. it needs a sequel! i need a sequel!

.

There are a dozen books for you to enjoy.

bursting out of monster covered in goo = win

There are a dozen books for you to enjoy.

yeah, read the first few as a kid. may revisit, may not. tbh, i think i preferred this. i don't remember ERB's john carter being a particularly sympathetic or interesting hero, but i do remember the race-as-destiny stuff being laid on a little thick. then again, it's been ages, and my tastes have changed a lot.

plus love woola! so zippy that one! and slobbery.

i want a woola

Yeah - I as well am bummed a sequel will prob. never happen. Meanwhile, "21 Jump Street 2" is a-comin'.

"Walt Disney has said it expects to lose $200m (£126m) on its movie John Carter, making it one of the biggest flops in cinema history."
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-17442200

21 Jump Street 2: 42 Jump Street

xp

"Walt Disney has said it expects to lose $200m (£126m) on its movie John Carter, making it one of the biggest flops in cinema history."

gah, this is so wrong and so colossally stupid. i can see why the film might have underperformed no matter what, as it's a bit silly and old-fashioned overall, but the promotion was criminally bad. first of all, it should have been called JOHN CARTER OF MARS. just plain old "john carter" is meaningless. it doesn't even suggest anything interesting. and the television ad campaign was horrible. i tried to get my gf's dad, who's usually up for anything in the line of old school high adventure, to go. he refused, saying it looked "like that 300 movie". and he was right, sort of. all you got from the ads was jumping and fighting in a desert, with some monsters and flying machines thrown in for color. no hint of story, character or setting. maybe the dumbest, most self-destructive ad campaign i've ever seen for a film of this type. it should have been promoted as a successor to avatar, ffs! swashbuckling hero, period setting, epic scope, interplanetary adventure & romance! would at least have sold a few more tickets than who-the-fuck-is "john carter" jumping around in a desert somewhere, chopping up the hordes.

I think 3D puts people off too, which is totally understandable- having to wear some stupid glasses for some pretty redundant 3D effects, and pay more for the privilege, is really annoying.

what's so wrong is it cost $250 M before promotion.

none of that money was spent on acting lessons either.

Taylor Kitsch already knows how to take his shirt off and make puppy faces, so acting lessons are redundant. All Dominic West needed was a jug with xxx on it. Lynn Colins is apparently a shakesperian actor & Juliard grad?

they should have just called it WARLORD OF MARS

and the poster should have just had frazetta riggins stance where he's coming down on the horde screaming and the tag-line - STAY FLY...

and they should have had a cool rap theme song for the commercial.

it ain't brain surgery.

WARLORD OF MARS: 2 HIGH 2 DIE

they should just use that siren sound from inception with a slowly strobing zoom in on Lynn Collons's breasts

and then splice to gether a couple scenes to make it look like Dominic West is drunkenly crashing his ship and making his shenanigans face

I think 3D puts people off too, which is totally understandable- having to wear some stupid glasses for some pretty redundant 3D effects, and pay more for the privilege, is really annoying.

uh, maybe, but i don't see any reason to think this was a factor. 3D has often been a box office booster. i mean, maybe the bubble's burst, but if so, this is first i'm hearing of it.

I think maybe people are getting wise to the fact that there's no reason to see e.g. A Very Harold & Kumar Xmas in 3D? Just my perception, admittedly.

That's exactly the kind of movie you should see in 3D. At least they know it's a stupid gimmick

3D's been collapsing in terms of box office for 18 months.

what's so wrong is it cost $250 M before promotion.

yeah, this is sadly true. it shouldn't have cost anywhere near that much.

3D's been collapsing in terms of box office for 18 months.

have heard this, but haven't seen the stats. any links you know of?

70% of Avatar's sales come from 3D; 40% of Harry Potter 7.2 came from 3D. Not a bubble as much as cyclical, I think.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/jeffrey-katzenberg-why-hollywood-is-196616

Not 18 months - 9.

i almost feel bad when i'm completely blasé about these incredibly expense visual effects they spend hundreds of millions of dollars to put on the screen. like, they're trying so hard, good for them, but i can't remember the last time i looked at CGI in a live action movie and felt like the money spent was remotely worth it.

everybody's sick of artificially inflated spectacle, i think. it ain't a barnum and bailey world any more; throwing vast fantastical expanses and computerized pyrotechnics and digital establishing matte shots at the screen just leads to fatigue.

what's astounding to me is the that CGI at one point was considered a way to bring costs down, no? virtual worlds costing pennies on the dollar compared to models etc

watching buck rogers episodes on netflix with the kids and still totally enjoyable even though they spent five bucks an episode. 3 of that went to guest stars like jack palance and roddy mcdowell and one dollar for spandex and one dollar for fx.

I can't remember the last time i was intrigued or impressed by the CGI-exaggerated scope/scale of a world. Maybe 'How to Train Your Dragon'? It's a sad state, when the basically limitless possibilities of world-building and fantasy representation afforded by new techology elicits, like, a jaded shrug.

It's a failure of imagination and creativity, i.e., "Ooh, we can put basically anything on screen. So let's do a regressive sword and sandals epic but make the monsters bigger and uglier."

longstanding lament of mine:

When Is Someone Gonna Make A Sci-Fi Show Or Movie Without Any People In Them?

ss: i have referenced that thread in real life conversations. the asesthetic of fantasy and sci-fi movies/tv seems to be locked in a '70s airbrushed van art groove, but lamer.

It's a failure of imagination and creativity, i.e., "Ooh, we can put basically anything on screen. So let's do a regressive sword and sandals epic but make the monsters bigger and uglier."

yeah, this is a fair point. imagine that a lot of that CGI money went to generating boring, barren martian landscapes (which looked pointedly dull in comparison to the gorgeous and obviously real shots of the ride down the river iss) and unimpressively "grand" interiors. there were some nice ruins here and there, but they were briefly glimpsed, unexplored. sort of wondered why they didn't have carter travel way, way back in time as well as across the solar system, even if that meant deviating from ERB. would have allowed for a more visually interesting mars.

and it's not like it's impossible to create interesting world-visions w CGI. i recently watched this super shitty french sci-fi flick called renaissance, which managed to create an intriguing (if clearly blade runner-derived) world on what was probably less than a 10th of john carter's budget.

Slate has had several good death of 3D pieces. This may be the best, and it's two years old:

http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2010/08/is_3d_dead_in_the_water.html

I can't remember the last time i was intrigued or impressed by the CGI-exaggerated scope/scale of a world.

Zodiac.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TT491ctM8Kk

was not at all impressed by the very obvious CGI in zodiac. took me completely out of the movie. everything seemed weird and fake, most gratingly the overhead shot of the cab ride.

Seriously? So you saw all the scenes above and knew it was all CGI at the time? Or did you go into the movie knowing it was CGI? Because I had no idea.

Seriously? haha xp

Were you actually like, "Fuck this bullshit, I can no longer enjoy this gripping crime thriller because they CGI'ed a cab instead of rebuilding 1969 San Francisco and renting a helicopter!!!"

Zodiac cgi was fantastic.

nah, i mean, i probably missed a lot of the more "ordinary" looking stuff, but the cab ride scene really threw me and after that i was looking for (and finding, no suprise) fakeyness everywhere.

plus i just didn't dig the movie, overall. been meaning to rewatch it for quite some time because i seem to be in the minority on this, love downey and loved the social network.

contenderizer contending

Robert Downey Jr. was an entirely CGI creation. You didn't know that?

Rango was all right as a world, but the visual style was hardly new or exciting.

whoa i had no idea there was cgi in zodiac, that video just blew my entire mind

it has that effect on people

See? Awesome. I rest my case.

the cgi in zodiac is great, but sometimes i wonder why they can't just find a two lane highway at night.

bcz david fincher

they should have cgi-extravagandapted c.s. lewis' out of the silent planet.

or as it no doubt would have been called, out of.

in case of potential confusion with Disney flop Treasure Planet

i keep hearing that's good.

Treasure Planet? No, it was really by the numbers.

lol a friend of mine did some of the CGI shots for Zodiac (specifically the Transamerica pyramid going up + the aerial shot that goes over the ferry building) - easily the best thing he was ever involved in, nice to see that work get some love

actually i guess out of the silent planet would have been called ELWIN RANSOM, which sounds like an ealing heist.

Shakey - Mr Veg lived in SF for abt 15 years through college etc, late 80's-late 90's, and he STILL talks about the Transamerica sequence and the aerial shots in Zodiac. I think those sequences were almost 100% of why he loved the movie! Well, those and the SF TV station/Melvyn Belli footage, he said it looked exactly the way he remembered it. Pretty sure your friend contributed to the adoring nostalgia of a lot of 40-something & older San Franciscans :)

david denby review in the new yorker is ugh. he is so ugh. he says that nobody could possibly understand what is going on in the movie. actually, i'll quote the line cuz i can't find the whole thing online:

"I wouldn't trust the sanity of any critic who claimed to understand what goes on in this movie."

i also think this line is actually racist somehow:

"The Therns, the Tharks, Dejah Thoris? You can't speak the names aloud without sounding like Daffy Duck."

David Denby is an interplanetary racist. There, I said it.

they're all color-coded!

yeah the civil war parallels are REALLY hard to pick up on. wtf.

i hope he never has to review a bollywood movie. those CRAZY character names! how do they come up with them? american movie critic in stupid-ass stupid face shocker.

(sorry i hate that guy. not like i wish him harm or anything many blessings to him and his just his writing and his thoughts. and his stupid-ass stupid faceness.)

no, no, it's good. denby's sole purpose at the new yorker afaict is to make all the other writers look good by comparison. he's like the dero of movie writers.

I would fight denby tbh

he's like the derpy of movie writers

http://images.wikia.com/mlp/images/7/73/Derpy_id.png

this movie was very easy to understand, btw

There's CGI in Zodiac? Must watch it again.

Once again, tried to see John Carter tonight, and the showtimes were totally inhospitable. Like, 6:20 or 9:40. Fuck that noise. It's almost like they're trying to bury this cat turd. Oh well. Saw "21 Jump Street" instead. Was funny.

There's CGI in Zodiac? Must watch it again.

― Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Tuesday, March 20, 2012 6:42 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

every shot in fincher's recent movies is like a composite of several takes, using CGI. it's insane.

AV Club loved it, though they point out that a fully faithful version would have to be made by Paul Verhoeven and unreleasable in the US.

Vulture has an interesting story about how it was massively mishandled partly because the director made Finding Nemo and Wall-E and was basically made of gold to Disney.

Also read somewhere that Disney's films department is now making a loss for the fourth year in a row after betting bad on Mars Needs Moms, The Sorceror's Apprentice, and Prince of Persia.

Also what's really really weird is that the 'logo' for the film has a very visible J C and M - it looks like they took 'of Mars' recently - except that it's been called John Carter for as long as I've been aware of it.

A lot riding on The Avengers then

I'm finally seeing this today! 11am, y'all! Set expectations on ... low.

he's like the derpy of movie writers

How dare you insult derpy like that, at least she is funny and cute.

In comparison to denby, anyway.

Mars Needs Moms, The Sorceror's Apprentice, and Prince of Persia
man I can't believe they lost money on these.
National Treasure 3, The Search For Revenue set for release Summer 2013.

I tried to watch Sorceror's. First 15 minutes were too painful to bear. Seemed like some committee's idea of what kids want to watch.

Maybe it was just the version I saw but the very end had JOHN CARTER OF MARS before the credits. (Just 'JOHN CARTER' at the start)

"wait a minute, that was all taking place on Mars?"

haha

Put that at the end of Jerry Maguire and see how it plays...

Mildred Pierce OF MARS

Michael Clayton OF MARS

Nixon OF MARS

wait that might make more sense

Carter's of mars, Nixon's of Venus

John, Carter of Mars

Of Mice and Men of Mars

Anne of Green Gables of Mars

Mars Needs Moms of Mars

The Rise of the Planet (Mars) of the Apes

Disney Needs Money of Mars

I Don't Know How She Does It On Mars

Sex and The City On Mars

Mars Attacks On Mars

John Carpenter's Ghosts Of Mars On Mars

Mask of Mars

Star Wars Of Mars

Delta of Venus of Mars

To Live and Die in L.A. of Mars

Freddy vs. Jason of Mars

The Passion of the Christ of Mars

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil of Mars

Holes of Mars

A Trip to the Moon of Mars

Schindler's List of Mars

Just got back. This movie was perfectly fine! I will say, however, that the stuff that doesn't work about it largely falls at Stanton's feet: his misbegotten promotion ideas, his inability to find a rhythm (talk talk talk ACTION talk talk ACTION talk), his lack of experience dealing with in-the-flesh actors and occasional tough time simply putting a movie of this scope together (weird framing and mismatched scenes abounded). Bummer we won't get a sequel, because obviously the foundation is there. How did fucking Clash of the Titans get a sequel? Was that a blockbuster? How did Battleship get made at all?

This movie did leave me wanting a six-legged butt-dog of my own, though. And a Lynn Collins.

I have a butt-dog but alas, she only got 4 legs.

his inability to find a rhythm (talk talk talk ACTION talk talk ACTION talk),

i think this is a big problem yeah. i still think any scene where characters are gravely spewing 30 different goofy alien names at you is just dead-on-arrival. i also didnt care for how JC felt like a cardboard Reluctant Modern Movie Hero - right down to the phoned-in hero refusing the call moments. most of the stuff about his backstory was unnecessary, especially all the stuff where he keeps telling people he's done with fighting other peoples wars or whatever - it doesnt resonate, and it drags the movie down. you never believe him as a southern gentleman from virginia either

How did fucking Clash of the Titans get a sequel? Was that a blockbuster?

a big one!

How did Battleship get made at all?

thats kind of a funny story actually. universal was desperate for franchises a few years ago and hasbro had just switched to an aggressive firm looking to make some deals, so universal bought the rights to a bunch of hasbro properties, with penalty clauses if they didnt get projects off the ground within a certain amount of time. so to avoid a 7 figure penalty, they commit to a $200 million Battleship picture because it was the best choice out of a bad lot. i think their deal recently went in the toilet so there probably won't be any more boardgame movies in the near future.

you mean we're not going to get Ridley Scott's Monopoly?

I want to see that list

Clue II

The Cluening

it was Battleship, Candy Land, Clue, Magic: The Gathering, Monopoly, Ouija, and Stretch Armstrong

how on earth is battlefield the best of those? lol this industry

do you think any of the others are clearly 'better'

tim burton's candy land

^ what we're all thinking

tho that would suck hard

Monopoly could be great. Candy Land also if done similarly to Mr. Show's take on the Kroffts.

xxxpost

i can in my mind's eye imagine good movies of all of them but battleship but maybe i'm being contrarian at this point

they should have bought risk and made a four-hour the longest day kinda thing that just cross-cuts between 500000 a-list names shooting each other in ten different locations. AROUND THE WORLD.

...in a teal & orange steampunk napoleonic cgi style? please?

soundtrack is just fake gregorian chants and a couple songs from smash

i can in my mind's eye imagine good movies of all of them but battleship but maybe i'm being contrarian at this point

― goole, Wednesday, March 21, 2012 5:08 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark

well i mean their concern wasnt what will be good, it was what can they sell. and it's easy to sell a big budget transformers knockoff

LIFE: people getting born, growing up, going to college, making out, getting married, raising kids, getting jobs, starting businesses - all from inside their cars. kind of like taste of cherry, but more cheerful. shot entirely in pink and blue.

it was Battleship, Candy Land, Clue, Magic: The Gathering, Monopoly, Ouija, and Stretch Armstrong

read: CGI action movie, CGI kids film, thriller, CGI fantasy, adult drama, supernatural thriller/horror, CGI action comedy

pretty obvious why they chose the one they did - biggest potential ROI

Ouiji could be a genuinely neat movie. Think: supernatural comedy/romance

Ghost

Didn't you see Witchboard back in the 80s?

a Tawny Kitaen classic

It was more than just a matter of too much talk. It was that as soon as I'd get into the mythology a little bit, there'd be this rushed, chaotic action scene which really showed the limitations of the director's abilities, cool as what I could catch in all the commotion seemed to be. Also, they failed to illustrate the parameters of John Carter's Mars powers. Like, how many times was he chained up in this movie until he was just motivated enough to break his chains or something? And the movie really should have started with John Carter and earned him his Oz moment when he woke up on Mars, not with a great Mars aerial battle. Given how little the blue-eyed people stuff made sense to this neophyte, they really didn't need to show McNulty getting his magic blue electro arm thingy. Or rather, they could have easily slipped that in somewhere else, later, once the movie got its legs.

I did love all the stuff I recognized from numerous movies that have mined this material before. Did not love seeing that kid from "World's Greatest Dad," who once I realized it was him took me out of his bits

I should stress that all these complaints have little to do with the material and more to do with how it was incorporated, or how the story was told. Which again, lays it at the feet of the director.

And the movie really should have started with John Carter and earned him his Oz moment when he woke up on Mars, not with a great Mars aerial battle. Given how little the blue-eyed people stuff made sense to this neophyte, they really didn't need to show McNulty getting his magic blue electro arm thingy. Or rather, they could have easily slipped that in somewhere else, later, once the movie got its legs.

yeah, i objected to the same thing upthread. there was just no reason to start the movie with sab than getting the 9th ray armband thing. we could easily have found out later that the therns were guiding him to victory.

I was a little worried by that intro, I was like..oh wait maybe it isn't that great? The Onion review was otm about that, it was pretty much everything everyone fears about scifi movies

It felt like the start to a cable mini-series, not a feature film. Maybe they should have gone with a scroll? "A long time ago ..."

I really liked the electro arm start! Just jumping straight in there.

don't tell anyone this...but i totally just dissed d@viD D^nby in my emp thing i'm reading at nyu on friday. if you are morbz you shouldn't miss it...

i couldn't help myself...

and i make fun of old people but morbz should come anyway...

:D

http://blogs.indiewire.com/thompsononhollywood/global-box-office-climb-continues-in-2011

I liked some of the design work and visual effects, but really this was a complete and utter mess. I have nitpicks by the ton, but overall it just failed to engage me. I was, at times, completely lost as to what was going on, which I put down to horrible writing. It was all muddled plot, no story.
The source material was written 100 years ago, and it felt like it. All the good ideas in this have been used in greatly better movies throughout the years, and now the well is dry.

I loved it. Given the amount of utter shite that does well at the box office it is shocking that a film as entertaining as this did so badly.

for people who don't follow ILM stuff, my Denby slam is here:

http://skotrok.blogspot.com/2012/03/2012-emp-pop-conference-paper.html

its in the last section. maria said she actually sensed some dismay from the crowd, but i didn't hear any from where i was. i didn't think anyone would care, but it is new york. maybe his mom was there.

It was pretty beautiful, that moment.

Wow Scott! Can't wait to read this. You go on about some of my favorite records as a clubbing kid in the late 80s. Chep Nuñez was God.

haha, yeah, that line is great and I had a very similar reaction to his review

Wow! Heady rush reading that Scott. Kudos and ashamed I missed seeing it in person.

was that a speech for a conference or something?

My father, joking to some Disney suits after overhearing them talking about the failures of "John Carter": "John Carter from Mars? Who wants to see that?? 'Jimmy Carter From Georgia' would've made more money." They laughed.

how, how did this get made?

Dude from Pixar who's shat gold several times for Disney + his genuine (if obsessive) enthusiasm for John Carter + it is genuinely an Olde Venerable Property from the dude who who wrote Tarzan / Land That Time Forgot + a miscalculation as to the extent to which the geeks rule the world.

There's a good article on it here (admittedly back when it was expected to be ne of History's Greatest Mistakes) The Inside Story of How John Carter Was Doomed by Its First Trailer

+ a miscalculation as to the extent to which geeks enjoy genuinely Olde Venerable Properties. This was fun silly, a horrific mistake. Geeks want emo Kinkade silly.

Well yeah, there's depth but not breadth of geek geeks and breadth but not depth of "I am a geek, I have seen Iron Man 10 times".

... Who is Kinkade? Not the painter, I assume?

The design was very nice, the action scenes were quite good. I think it failed because a) there was never a real sense of threat, just a lot of vague 'I think something really bad is going to happen if I marry this guy' and b) both of the leads were really boring. The best characters were all animated, ergo Stanton is rubbish at directing actual people.

it did look really nice. Dialogue/romance was Star Wars prequels level to me though

It's not that stories with lots of made up words and names flying about can't be compelling and popular - look at Game of Thrones. This movie just didn't give us any particular reason to care about deciphering all the fantasy nonsense.

I usually love deciphering fantasy nonsense given the chance, but in John Carter I really couldn't be bothered.

But what exactly needed deciphering? Admittedly I had a few "what was that guy's name?"/"who are they talking about?" moments, but what was going on was never really obscure.

I found it pretty tiresome to keep up with what was what to be be honest. I did fall asleep for five minutes at one point though.

+ a miscalculation as to the extent to which geeks enjoy genuinely Olde Venerable Properties. This was fun silly, a horrific mistake. Geeks want emo Kinkade silly.

― Jedmond, Friday, May 25, 2012 3:12 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark

cmon this is crap. people just want a good movie. this one sucked

i don't think it sucked. it was probably better than a lot of these big would-be franchise movies, if not top rank.

in general people read too much into box office failures.

no it sucked

Nah, there are worse movies. On its face it makes far more sense than, say, making a "Battleship" movie, which also cost a buttload of money.

Venerable sci-fi/fantasy property vs. venerable board game.

It was John Carter of Blahs for me.

Ifanku.

Bored game.

honestly, judged on its own merits, battleship is a better movie (by a sliver). they're both not good though

But what exactly needed deciphering? Admittedly I had a few "what was that guy's name?"/"who are they talking about?" moments, but what was going on was never really obscure.

― the fey monster (ledge), Friday, May 25, 2012 9:13 AM (57 minutes ago) Bookmark

its not about being confused, its about crappy storytelling that just numbs you by denying you access to anything human

FCH did a really good piece on why the movie was a failure creatively:

http://badassdigest.com/2012/04/08/film-crit-hulk-smash-hulk-vs-the-john-carter-script/