Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

Possibly cf with the ILM Noah and the Whale thread, actually.

it probably would if their smoothies weren't actually head and shoulders above the competition.

Not really. Although I suppose as part of (precursor to?) the whole twee countryside picnic Waitrose type adverts with some warbling accoustic number in the background I can see how it could grate a bit.

oh xp, 'cos yes their xmoothies are (mostly) very good.

I used to have to deal with their marketing department on a regular basis, and they were uber-cynical cunts of the highest order, even by marketing department standards.

xpost huh
also i think every supermarket now has a generic smoothie line with the damn-near exact same packaging aesthetic.

Snakes On A Plane!

The aesthetic is repellent and the drinks are insanely over-priced bollocks so yes just a bit.

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00487/SNF1501HPJ-170_487463a.jpg

^^^somerfield

xp
Not going to their picnic then?

http://www.innocentdrinks.co.uk/images/icons_big/warm_happy_people.gif

This Water (tm) is full of the lovingly squeezed juice of forty-eight cranberries OK WE GET IT I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND 2 QUID ON A SMALL BOTTLE OF FRUIT

Earl Okins playing...

...at the picnic that is.

yes wtf with this water

This is what happens when you let Belle and Sebastian fans into the food and drink industry.

They invented it and then everyone else ripped it off. I didn't mind it when they did it.

But when everything you buy these days has got a section in their packaging saying "Hello you, welcome to the side of the packet! My name is Tad Fadley's new urban wenge and did you know that I am made out of 100% pure organic smugness. The scrummy goo inside me was personally farted out through the buttocks of a lovely young homosexual called Jason - MmmmmMMM! Oh it's delicious, drink me drink me! I'd really like to know what you think of me so drop me a letter, fax or even a tattooed baby (LOL! JKS!) of what you think. If you have a phone you can actually speak to Jason himself while he shits into a vat of pure untreated fairtrade effluent." it gets rather annoying, yeah.

I couldn't tell whether this was a musical subgenre or a category of porn.

"The people at Innocent deal with the fruit-based products, and This Water with the water-based ones." - actual comment on bottle of This Water I once regrettably bought

(both Innocent and This Water deal with fruit-and-water-based products)

lol DL

I just get annoyed by so much other stuff, this is pretty far down the list.

dude i used to work with tried to jump ship to their marketing department AND FAILED HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tad Fadley's new urban wenge

Oh for the days etc

Soft drinks as I know and understand them.

who gives a fuck about this

No, this is the real shit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thxAqdxGSPU

I inadvertently found myself at their picnic a few years ago. Ruined my afternoon in the park. Fuckers.

And they're charging for it this year. Double fuckers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5F23TxSpZk

I would drink all this orange pop

i had a smoothie phase, but after deciding to cut down on sugar i am back on the cherry coke

Cresta: The blackcurrent beverage that induces strokes.

^ Xpost! LOLZ. Lolz at phrase 'warbling acoustic number'.
Yeah Innocent Smoothies....I'm just waiting for the Ribena (notsotoothkind) style scandal to happen.
"Hello you, welcome to the side of the packet! My name is Tad Fadley's new urban wenge and did you know that I am made out of 100% pure organic smugness. The scrummy goo inside me was personally farted out through the buttocks of a lovely young homosexual called Jason - MmmmmMMM! Oh it's delicious, drink me drink me! I'd really like to know what you think of me so drop me a letter, fax or even a tattooed baby (LOL! JKS!) of what you think. If you have a phone you can actually speak to Jason himself while he shits into a vat of pure untreated fairtrade effluent." it gets rather annoying, yeahHahaha
But like Ned says, this is irritating but not as much as many other things.

I miss the 70s and I want to go back there right now. This century fucking sucks.

When did adverts stop trying to be hip? Those Noodle ones are grebt

I am an unashamed Innocent fan.

"It's frothy at the mouth, man!"

xpost now I have the Billy Joel song in my head!

Yeah, back to the seventies with its needless foreign wars and epidemics of knife crime in our streets.

I was going to poll every flavour of Rubicon earlier this week and never got round to it.

matt dc - do it!

100% pure organic smugness.

I'm all for eating fresh stuff, but this kind of twee bollocks just makes me want to smoke a carton of R0thmans, drink six Red Bulls, and eat a kebab containing Alsatian meat cooked rare.

i had a smoothie phase, but after deciding to cut down on sugar i am back on the cherry coke

er...

It must be good for you, it's got cherries in it.

Diet Coke = no sugar
Smoothies = a whole shitload of sugar

Diet Coke = no meaning in the universe

^OTM

People who don't like Diet Coke should just kill themselves, imo

Don't tell me, I only drink any of that shit as a mixer.

Srsly shit ALL TASTES THE SAME

don't kill yourself tho

i mean, unless you actually want to. don't do it just cos dom said so

Srsly shit ALL TASTES THE SAME

you're thinking of UK-brewed lager

Dom, how many deaths have you influenced, at a guess?

going back to the original question: no. and given my cynicism, that surprises me. but ... no, really, i rather like them. as TNG points out: they did the whole twee "i'm a packet of overpriced juice!" thing first, and still do it better than everyone else.

also: from a customer PoV, they're pretty decent. i took them up on their "talk to us! we like it!" schtick, and wrote them a polite but angry e-mail about a year ago pointing out how it was fucking impossible to break the seal on their litre cartons without getting a spurt of smoothie flying all over your wall/suit/face; they made all the right genuine concerned noises, admitted there was a design flaw and sent me a shitload of vouchers for money off smoothies. given that we get through a litre a week (tip: don't buy the wee ones; just fill up a similar-sized wee bottle with smoothie from a litre pack before you go to work), that was good enough for me.

ned T is right: there are an awful lot of things to get more worked up about than a reasonably decent company making quality drinks.

I'm tapping my fingers very loudly on the tabletop, whispering "shit, shit, shit, shit" to myself. Courtney's eyes are half closed and she's breathing deeply.
"Listen. I'll be daring," Anne says finally. "I'll have a Diet Coke with rum."
Scott sighs, then smiles, beaming really. "Good."
"That's a caffeine fine Diet Coke, right?" Anne asks the waiter.
"You know," I interrupt, "you should have it with Diet Pepsi. It's much better."
"Really?" Anne asks. "What do you mean?"
"You should have the Diet Pepsi instead of the Diet Coke," I say. "It's much better. It's fizzier. It has a cleaner taste. It mixes better with rum and has a lower sodium content."

re the overpriced thing, are they technically overpriced? how much should organic juice cost?

NG otm, sick of fucking chummy twee marketing speak

It's spread to the Internet Provider game:

Slight problem.

We've just tried to collect the amount due to us, but the transaction couldn't be completed. The amount due to us is £14.00 incl. VAT.

We'll have another go at collecting the money in 3 days time. Please could you ensure that there is no problem with your account, and that there will be sufficient funds available.

blah blah blah

If you are already enjoying Be's ludicrously fast broadband, please ensure prompt payment as we really don't want to disconnect you. We know how much you'll miss your broadband.

Fingers crossed for next time.

The next one mentioning a debt collection agency was actually kind of a relief

Lush are a bit fucking creepy as well, the shower gel I got for my birthday was making promises to hold me in its big strong arms and tell me everything was OK and shit

My beef is only really with This Water, tbh. Innocent smoothies are very nice (if no PJ's). The marketing is vile but what can you do. LOL @ f3rg's last sentence

Also when you walk past Lush the fucking honk of the place disorients you like some Dungeons and Dragons spell for a good 5 minutes.

I know somebody who wrote a paper about Innocent's design aesthetic.

Lush is the place that sells the giant multicoloured blocks of wax, isn't it?

I dunno, the saccharine smell makes me light headed enough to find the overly helpful gay hippie sales staff agreeable

When Lush was new on the high street it pissed me off cos I thought it was a cheese shop every time I walked past until I looked properly

The worst for chumminess is the 'VAT Nightmare' notices in branches of Pret.

"Hi, we are legally required to add on VAT when you eat in. Nightmare."

FUCK OFF.

I can't say I've ever given it that much thought (orig thread qn that is) I bought one once from the college canteen but it was nowt special and cost too much for such a tiny bottle. I noticed that there seemed to be some kind of wanky blether on the side of the bottle about how aweosme it all was but it was tl;dr so I hoyed it in the bin. Life's too short.

xxpost

lol I still make the cheese shop error on occasion.

I do think Passant1no needs to alternate threads methodically attacking every single facet of modern life with enthusiastic pro-something material, in order to show willingness to build bridges with non-zingers and Keep It Positive

Tomorrow: YAYYYY! THE FIRST TWO HOURS OF WCW NITRO FROM 1996-1998! YAYYYY!

He did the kebab van thread last week.

Kebabs and La Parka are the only two joys in my life, tbh

"Lush" the soap shop (as opposed to Miki and Emma) you could not walk past as they would pump out horrible soap fumes to 'entice' you in.

I think they've stopped doing that.

Still, never been in.

northampton town FM champions league success xpost

you could edit a new team into FM consisting entirely of near-crippled 97-vintage Luchadors, all chewing on a kebab while Blitzkrieg racks up the assists and Ciclope's disciplinary record becomes a cause for concern

(xxpost) The one near me still smells like Willy Wonka's bathroom, although it does cover up the smell of desperation from the salesmen in the mobile phone shop next door.

(CUSTOS TRIBUTE MONTH!)

you could edit a new team into FM consisting entirely of near-crippled 97-vintage Luchadors, all chewing on a kebab while Blitzkrieg racks up the assists and Ciclope's disciplinary record becomes a cause for concern

^^^ Believe this is next season's Luton squad.

your favourite jokes about wwe

Villano IV Flattered By Canaries Interest

Luchadors <<< mis-read this as Labradors...

What's Chris Benoit's favourite Junior "Gong" Marley song?
The one where he says "murder" a lot (Chris Benoit strangled before his wife and son to death before hanging himself)!

Jake Roberts: No no, you don't understand! Crack Smoke Into The Police Officer's Face is the name of my dog!

Big thing of Tesco frozen "summer fruits" + juice + yogurt + banana = what, a fiver? If going by Innocent's pitifully small portion size, the above ingredients will make about a dozen smoothies, all of which taste better and are fresh. Look, I just out-smugged Innocent.

yeah but Tesco are the real enemy (lol 1up)

AND I WAS DOING SO WELL

What if I lug home my frozen "summer fruits" in a 50p Tesco reusable grocery bag? That saves the lives of several African children each time, IIRC.

Q. WHY WAS CHRIS BENOIT ANGRY AT THE GUARDIAN'S ACCUSATION THAT TESCO ENGAGES IN TAX-DODGING?
A. BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT SHOWING ENOUGH RESPECT FOR (THE) BUSINESS!

What's Chris Benoit's least favourite Elton John song?
Daniel (he killed his son Daniel before hanging himself)!

xxxxxxxxxxp
Lush was like this years ago though when it was Cosmetics To Go. Back then it really was a refreshing change.

http://a261.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/00594/06/20/594990260_l.jpg

philipplahmforum.jpg is a better and more widely-applicable jpg meme than your crummy attempt mr acrobat

xpost

Those guys have never seen the inside of a Lush store.

Again, instead of buying Lush products you can just blend seaweed, olive oil and lye in a rectilinear mold, give it two weeks to "set" and bob's your uncle.

It's not the same if you don't buy it off a floppy fringed pierced guy called Jason for 28.95

they have guys working in there?

(xxpost)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f6/Fight_Club_bar_of_soap.jpg

Jason work in Boots. Hugo and Louis work in Lush. xxpost

anyone who catches me working in lush has the right to drown me in shower-gel

"he died of natural ingredients"

LOL

oh oh oh I can make a crap joek here!
Q: Did you hear about the robbers who held up a branch of Lush?
A: They made a clean getaway...

Today I went free to a big charity cricket function, ended up captaining the Popbitch XI, won us a game, and drank about 7 smoothies.

I have been on some sort of completely ridiculous sugar-rush ever since.

But there is more. Vitamin Water from Glaceau (owned by Coca-Cola) is a new product aimed at being our fucking mate. It puts Innocent to SHAME in terms of bloodcurdling label blurb. I collected the labels of all five different flavours, and if you're lucky, when I wake up I'll reprint them here.

They are, without exception, criminal.

http://www.glaceau.com/

Fucking destroy

OMG IN THE TOP CORNER ON THE SITE THERE IS AN ACUTE ACCENT ON THE E OF GLACEAU

THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MICROSECOND

THEN READ ALL THE BLURBS ON THE SIDE OF THEIR VITAMINWATER BOTTLES

THEN SCREAM A LONG LONG SCREAM

I THINK IF YOU ARE SO EASILY REDUCED TO SCREAMING

THEN YOU AREN'T GOING TO LAST VERY LONG BACK IN LEWISHAM

SERIOUSLY CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN YOU PASS A NEWSAGENT

FUCK'S SAKE

';)'

Did not 50 Cent originally own Vitamins Wadders and then sell it to Coke for many a pretty penny?

Yeah, $100 million. Credit crunch really hitting him hard.

Or $400 million. Or a coupla million. Anyway a lot.

so is this like the smoothie version of http://www.muffinfilms.com/ ?

Never heard of this product, but hating it so much already:

We'll spare you the cheesy "on hold music"

Thanks... Oh wait a minute it's a website oh that's sooooo meta FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF

vitaminwater - it works

You know, because there are so many other beverage products that don't work. If I had a dollar for every time I've drunk plain old stupid water out of a tap and I've ended up feeling more thirsty...

fruitwater - natural is healthy, artificial is not

Here's some water containing extract of deadly nightshade - it's healthy, because it's natural!

so is this like the smoothie version of http://www.muffinfilms.com/ ?

I bet a lot of people go to that site expecting a different kind of muffin film. I also suspect that their muffins taste like styrofoam.

muffinfilms isn't actually a muffin company lol

Anyone who spends $4 on a bottle of Vitamin Water is a dead set cunt.

b-b-b-but it's got electrolytes!

It's got what plants crave?

(xpost) so does battery acid

I wrote to them two years suggesting that since they were on a mission to make the world a better place for you and for me and the entire human race, they might want to make themselves a worker and consumer co-op, so their groovy staff got a share of the business, and they could share the love with the punters, perhaps linking dividends to a scheme to incentivize recycling the bottles or returning them.

Amazingly, they never replied.

revive

fruit punch (b+potassium)

ahh home at last. it's late. you've looked and smelt
better. it takes a full five minutes to find your house
keys (plus another five to fit into the locks they were
uniquely made for) and now you have just bitten a
chunk out of your flatmate's block of cheese.
we've all been there, and it's not pretty. actually,
it's pretty ugly. but there is hope. here at the center
for responsible hydration we have developed a
revitalising livener of potassium and b vitamins to
help you wake up feeling like last night never
happened........unless you snogged your boss.

power-c

dragonfruit (c+b's)

popeye had it easy. a can of spinach and he
bulked up to save olive from the clutches of evil
bluto. sometimes we all need an injection of
strength. just ask dave who spent three days
wading through the mud at glastonbury (and three
days after in bed) or fiona who left early, minus her
modesty, when her portaloo® was washed away
into an adjoining field. oops! the nutrients in this
bottle won't enable you to walk on mud, or
become a strapping sailor man, but they will help
you beat your granny in an arm wrestle.

spark

tropical citrus (b+guarana)

ever wanted to skateboard down a really high
mountain but can't muster up the energy? ever
thought about doing a handstand on the wings of a
747 at 20,000ft but lack the get up and go? ever
felt like racing a greyhound but feel exhausted just
at the thought? this might help. with added
b vitamins, guarana extract and natural caffeine,
this drink will give you that extra spark, but please
note the word 'might'. after all, it would be
preposterous to think that a bottle of glacéau
vitaminwater, however delicious, could actually
help you do those things.

essential

orange-orange (c+calcium)

waking up with a mouth that feels like a hedgehog
slept in it. bbqing your finger on the toaster
because your eyes are glued shut with morningitis.
viewing a packet of prawn cocktail crisps as a
nutritional breakfast option because of the seafood
content. ah, glorious mornings. but, here's the thing.
set yourself up for better a.m's in one easy swig.
a gulp from thie bottle sends a bunch of essential
calcium and vitamin c swirling around your body.
so start as you mean to go on, every morning.
get this down you and ditch the hedgehog.

multi-v

lemonade (b-zinc)

today, it's simply not enough to do one thing.
trainers double up as roller skates, and printers
also fax, copy and scan. actually our friend gloria
swears she even found one with its own page on
facebook®. as for mobile phones, just about the
only thing they can't do is make dinner (we know
because rob tried to make pancakes - he didn't
quite get the idea behind a 'flip' phone, ahem),
to help you find direction in our mad world, we
created this drink which is full of nutrients, from
b vitamins to zinc. and no annoying ringtone.

made for the center for responsible hydration (aka glacéau).

30 may be the new 20, but green is definitely the
new black. please recycle.

These descriptions have either a) a subtle gay subtext, b) the names of people who don't exist, or c) both...

Someone, anyone, please attempt to pronounce 'glacéau'.

You worry a bit too much about this, Louis.

I don't think that "glacéau" is even a real word? It's like "safrane", it's just a made up word that's supposed to sound French and sophisticated.

what amazes me even more is that people are apparently still purchasing fruitopia drinks.

the innocent smoothies sounds like a terrible 90s swing or lounge act or something. or worse A CAPELLA.

"Lush" the soap shop (as opposed to Miki and Emma) you could not walk past as they would pump out horrible soap fumes to 'entice' you in.

I think they've stopped doing that.

Still, never been in.

They've been doing this on purpose? I've never been able to walk past their sodding shops without bursting into a sneezing fit, but I couldn't really be mad at them because it's not their fault, it's me and my stupidly sensitive allergies. Screw them then.

glacéau is pretty fucking wank-sodden. i think we reached critical mass on twee drinks labels some time ago, which is why i still don't mind innocent but want to gouge out my their eyes when i read that.

also, this:

but please note the word 'might'. after all, it would be preposterous to think that a bottle of glacéau
vitaminwater, however delicious, could actually help you do those things

is just vile.

That one, the 'spark' one, is I THINK meant to be a parody of Lucozade-style "giving you the edge" marketing, but it comes across as totally fucking stupid and condescending, much like the other 4.

Innocent is, well, innocent compared to this pile of shite. Glacéau. HOW DO YOU EVEN FUCKING SAY THAT

GLASS-YOU

IN-THE-FACE

WITH-A-BROKEN-TIN-OF-IRN-BRU

Get with the programme dude, it's called KTTN-BRU now.

I FORGOT TO SAY GLASSAYOW

YOUR DRINKS TASTE OF WATERED-DOWN PIPE CLEANER

YET SOMEHOW I HAVE NOT AIRED THIS GRIEVANCE YET BECAUSE YOUR PACKAGING IS SOMEHOW EVEN MORE HEINOUS

This thread = Glasso astro-turf.

They could become sponsors of next years Glastonbury, and rename it Glacéau-berry, along with a limited edition flavour of the same name that tastes of mud...

the dragonfruit "flavour" already tastes of something approximating 3-day-old sewage

seriously that rogue "we're so continental and classy" acute accent makes me want to drive an armoured vehicle into the G*****u headquarters, all covered in Innocent logos

ian riese moraine
&
alex in nyc

cordially invite you to celebrate the birth of their son

LOUIS
JAGGER

ETHAN I WILL FIND YOU AND RIP YOUR FACE IN TWO. NUVVIEWORLD!

wait, were personal threats ever part of AINYC's steez?

I am not sure which is more annoying with regard to soft drink marketing, tweeness or...

ATTITOOD:

http://www.samuelsmart.com/uploads/2/3/6/7/236793/5464059.jpg

*cough*

Errmm.... ATTITOOD:

http://www.samuelsmart.com/uploads/2/3/6/7/236793/5464059.jpg

that stuff is all deliberately overdone, the artifice is implied, and nobody is meant to take it all that seriously

glasso OTOH incorporate an unpronounceable acute accent into their name and attempt to pander to "the common man" in the most astonishingly condescending, cack-handed manner, as if there's some great life-secret of yours they deeply understand and can exploit. well my secret is, i don't like drinks that taste of boot polish

that stuff is all deliberately overdone, the artifice is implied, and nobody is meant to take it all that seriously

Naaah... this is obvs playing to "Am I manned up to the max?" young male insecurity.

surely nobody except the most appallingly FHM-ingrained Nuts-reading Bulmers-drinking cunt-faced tosser drinks Relentless because they think it'll man them the fuck up

i've only ever drunk it when it's been there and i've been thirsty (and maybe in need of a jolt, mostly caused by the placebo effect of "i think i just drunk poison")

Well, those people are out there.

Relentless is a) awesome and b) specifically targetted at emo kids, hence the rock concert sponsorships and goth design

What's with the sporting imagery in the ads then?

xxxtreeeemmmmm sports

Although that advert where the couple go jogging through Barcelona at 5am makes no fucking sense

Yeah I mean it's quite NICE but it has this Benylin buzz to it that makes you question whether you just did some serious damage to your insides

Doesn't belong on the same thread as GlacAYau, though

Sporting imagery = covering all bases, the font and packaging has a metal/emo aesthetic, but it IS an energy drink for the mosh-happy park footballer in all of us

Midpoint between self-loathing mopey emo cutters and knucklehead sports-n-lad mags fucks = ILX's American posters, surely?

Rock or sportz, it is all a bit "GRRRR!" which I find a silly and played out. Like those tees at Topman with the gothic letters and messy design they had a couple of years back.

Wait, you're max r

What? I don't even know who that is.

Yeah Dom, that "worst-major-city" thread was some hysterical self-hatin' carnival of brash parochial superiority

"Hydrate responsibly"

FUCK OFF

"Legally, we are prohibited from making exaggerated claims about the potency of the nutrients in this bottle ..." blah blah fuck off... "legally, we can't say stuff like that - because that would be wrong, you know?"

Legally, FUCK OFF

Srsly all this superfood food doctor shite needs to end.
Smoothies all taste the same anyway and aren't exactly low in cals or sugar.

People who get this irate about marketing messages are deeply insecure about their own aesthetic choices and are trying to convince themselves otherwise:

http://kendziora.net/photography/discus.jpg

how about when a semi-illiterate epsilon-minus moronic bottle of filth tries to camarade me into thinking it's got a handle on all my deepest animal impulses and needs, how about when this happens i get a little bit mad

how about when a semi-illiterate epsilon-minus moronic bottle of filth tries to camarade me into thinking it's got a handle on all my deepest animal impulses and needs

In fairness, they only needed to Google you...

Simon Reynolds says:

http://www.earwigsandwax.com/images/oh-snap.jpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwd0pZ4RTAU

This one's better: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=8YBrS5Gr5Pk

This Water? More like piss water...

This rivals Liverpool Tickets Fiasco as best ILx thread ever!

PLANK bottled drinks manufacturers demand IDIOTIC ACUTE ACCENT, where NOW for LITERACY RATES etc

wait, were personal threats ever part of AINYC's steez?

-- Just got offed, Sunday, 20 July 2008 20:29 (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

I think he once told me to "eat hot death". I can't remember why. AINYC rocks.

I've never seen or heard of this glaceau. Usually if I want a drink, I just fill a cup from the cold tap. Being able to do this is an advantage of living ouside of london, I find.

London tap water is delicious and exciting

To be fair, it's a lot more drinkable than Brighton tap water.

Canterbury tap water is the worst I've seen in Britain.

Opaque with natural mossy goodness?

Are you still talking about water, or casting your mind back to 'that' night?

achieving droppage

water from 'the garden of england' can't be that bad

inspired by this thread i bought vitamin water for the 1st time ever today & on the side it says "go party like you're blog-worthy" :D

I was in Sainsbury's earlier and I saw a woman wearing a t-shirt which read "I WORK FOR INNOCENT - FANCY A CHAT?"

http://www.elanso.com/U/D/Ddc/dcd77aa4c08d092b3b5a813481a59f3b/128517612044030000.jpg

Cod in Beer batter + hand cut fries

Cheers, Mate! Health conscious parliamentarians altered this traditional British staple forever by outlawing the use of newspapers to absorb the run-off from this greasy delicacy. We bring back that old-fashioned flavor with all-natural newsprint flavors derived from actual English tabloids (and in England they can swear and show boobies!).

Don't serve chilled!

there's also a Brunch flavor

bigtime. being a friendly "relaxed" company/politician is the new being a ruthless aloof scumsucking asshole

Hmm. Which came first?

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2100/2093003854_85369a993c.jpg?v=1197095572
(aus fruit juice)

http://www.studentbeans.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/innocent_smoothies.jpg
(aforementioned UK drink)

They seem to have appeared at the same time (1999-2000). Curious.

I drink 1 flavour of vitamin water/nutrient water, but only the one with guarana/caffiene in. And only because I loathe sweet soft drink and fruit juices, I like that stuff, its like watered down cordial. I try not to buy them too often though, its just theft of drinking water, innit.

I wish they sold the Fitty grape drink flavored Vitamin Water in uk.

http://image.com.com/mp3/images/genie_images/story/2007/1,2,3-/50cent09_story.jpg

thanks to the v similar packaging, i'd always assumed Innocent and Nudie to be the same coamany, cf this:

http://www.cvcoffee.com/prod_images_blowup/Lays-Potato-Chips1.jpg

http://hamzajennings.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/walkers-400px.jpg

If you want to experience even more twee horror, have a look at the packaging for Pork Farms sausage rolls and pork pies. You can usually find them down the reduced aisle in Sainsburys because they're fuckin horrible and no one actually buys them full price. The worst bit about this is that they're trying to apply the prissy health-conscious marketing tactics of innocent to horrible grey sausage rolls. Nothing twee about sausage rolls.

Fresh Samantha was founded in 1992 in a Scarborough home when Julie Carter began growing sprouts in the basement to sell to local food co-ops.

Carter's son-in-law, Doug Levin, joined the business and began making Fresh Samantha, named for Levin's newborn daughter, in a blender one bottle at a time. A plant in Saco followed and by 1999 Fresh Samantha had annual sales of $25 million along the East Coast. Its juices carried fanciful names such as Desperately Seeking C, Mango Mama and The Big Bang-Body Zoom Juice.

Odwalla bought the company in 2000, and the Saco plant closed the following year. Coca-Cola then bought Odwalla in the fall of 2001.

Some of Fresh Samantha's more popular flavors may be added to the Odwalla line, but Sugarman said there was some overlap, with both lines offering their own versions of orange juice-based, vitamin-C loaded drinks, for example.

> I was in Sainsbury's earlier and I saw a woman wearing a t-shirt which read "I WORK FOR INNOCENT - FANCY A CHAT?"

"Fruit Towers" is actually several units in a trading estate off brackenbury road, W6 and i often see aforementioned t-shirts shuffling into work and those cars that look like grass / cows.

Levin's newborn daughter, in a blender

Pre-HI DERE FAP especially for LJ http://londonist.com/2008/07/free_tonight_13.php

i have tasted vitamin water, it's grim, tastes like weak squash

Beardyman's awesome, my brain can't compute this meshing of great art and piss ;_;

Also "Thursday night hydration club" is perhaps the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard

Oh I thought it was tonight. Thursday night hydration club gives that away really.

There's a vitamin water van parked on my road a lot (it's been there since the Euro games were on actually), but it was only after this thread I noticed that it had those drink descriptions written on it.

lol I unwittingly participated in the marketing of Glaceau recently - some Facebook friend of mine who I've met maybe twice told me he needed to find 'important' people in the locale (NB I am about as far away from important as a human can get) that he could send free drinks to as part of some marketing job he'd just started and could I be one of them? They turned up and I opened the box and remembered this thread. Even if the garbage on the label appeals to you there's so much text that it's pretty indisputably a bad design; moreover I drank the lemon flavour one and it tasted like piss. So there we are

I bought one of these at Newcastle Central station the other day. It was very expensive for such a tiny little bottle, and it wasn't all that TBH.

man i haven't hydrated properly in weeks

ian riese moraine
&
alex in nyc

cordially invite you to celebrate the birth of their son

LOUIS
JAGGER

― and what, Sunday, 20 July 2008 21:20 (2 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^^the correct way to do a thread run-in

http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/02/crunchy-fun.html

LOL

awesome

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7986901.stm

drudgesirens set to stun

http://sparky.thehold.net/pix/care-o-meter.jpg

Spent too long (> 30 seconds) arguing about this already today. "Company wants to make money" shockah. Fair play to them, really. They're a fucking overpriced drinks company, not a charity.

Well yeah I'm angling for a tone of dismissive fun-poking rather than shrill condemnation, being on ILX and all, but maybe there are people here who really believed in these lil guys

Fizzy smoothy in a can is the next logical step, I fear.

i had no idea they had set themselves as alt. you can buy it in sainsbury's IF YOU'RE MADE OF MONEY, that is.

i guess the dream is over now.

maybe there are people here who really believed in these lil guys

Jesus. I hope not. Like I said: they're, umm, an expensive-drinks company. <Peers over glasses; looks round> Identify yourselves! So I can mock the living fuck out of you.

I think they saw themselves as alt., yes ... but I don't think anyone else did.

(Actually, no, that's bollocks: my mate, with whom I was "discussing" this on Twitter today, certainly did. But then he's just too bloody nice for words.)

Anyone who's experiencing a sense of betrayal right now can consider it a dress rehearsal for when Cameron gets elected.

Think there's a few Cap'n Save-a-Smoothies upthread. Still overpriced bullshit imo.

Jesus. I hope not. Like I said: they're, umm, an expensive-drinks company.

There are plenty of BEER companies that I do believe in, who I guess play much the same cards as Innocent, but somehow I never really disbelieved that Innocent were anything other than some world-gobbling behemoth in embryo.

I guess I'm just a beer romantic.

Which beer companies pull the Innocent cuddly twee Groove-Armada-playing-at-your-village-fete aesthetic again?

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45640000/jpg/_45640386_innocent226b_pa.jpg

Look! They are wearing wooly hats!

I bought this shit. NOT ANY MORE. No compromise. Not even in the face of armageddon.

http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/02/crunchy-fun.html

I think the thing with BEER companies is that some of them operate on a genuinely tiny scale and are genuinely local businesses; Innocent has always been an in-your-face brand. And they've done that quite cleverly: I don't know if the dude still has his column in the Guardian Work supplement, but that was some neat publicity.

Now that I earn fuck all, it's very rare I buy smoothies -- however, if Innocent stuff is on special offer in the supermarket then I'll pick 'em up. When all's said and done, I think they're really very tasty; I can't see that changing at all (even though the idea of a Coke-syrup-and-banana smoothie intrigues me).

the orange juice is nice and actually tastes like oranges.

but the aesthetic is really annoying and i don't actually rate the smoothies v. much.

i can't believe i'm being slightly less cynical than GF, but while totally agreeing with everything he's said, the idea of Innocent and coca cola of all the behemoths possible just seems like a sub-Robocop corporate plot twist.

the smoothies have always been pretty good, for my money. celtic tiger lol

So where does this leave This Water and Glaceau? (Also low on the careometer, but just wondering).

I think it leaves them weeping bitterly over the carcasses of dolphins.

Tiny bottles of orange juice are pretty much the most bafflingly overpriced thing in most supermarkets these days. Especially compared to litre-sized cartons.

Razor blades will always reign as the most overpriced thing ever. My top tip is to unscrew the blade from a pencil sharpener and glue it to a lolly stick. Works just as well at a tenth of the price.

Sorry, I feel drunk.

my tip is to have really crap bumfluff facial hair even though you're in your mid 20s, only need to use a razor every month or so.

or shoplift them like the junkies do.

Sorry, I feel drunk.

yeah, blood loss due to homemade razors will do that to ya every time

These days, one mention of beer and I'm under the table.

xpost

As will leaving your Innocent smoothies sitting around until they ferment.

Actually, no: they explode if you do that. Seriously. ILX0r Zoe Espera will vouch for this.

I thought the Vag Rounded font was a guarantee against this kind of thing.

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/images/2009/0401/227487_1.jpg?ts=1238612193

Fruit smoothie drinkers out on the streets today.

The smoothies give them the energy to hold back the anarchists.

If they abolished money, how would people be able to purchase fruit smoothies? It would all go to waste.

they could barter in their friendly bacteria for chilled refreshing Diet Smoothies

Shoplift oranges from trees and crush them yourselves under the unstoppable wheels of the revolution.

Maybe they could co-ordinate their orange-stealing activities and start a "commune" of fruit crushers working towards a five-year plan?

beroccas are the new smoothies

my tip is to have really crap bumfluff facial hair even though you're in your mid 20s, only need to use a razor every month or so.

haha yeah

I've actually been drinking This Water lately, mostly due to a branch of Eat existing right next to my workplace. Prefer San Pellegrino Limonata though tbh.

mostly due to a branch of Eat existing right next to my workplace

Ha, you're a seller's dream! I hope you never find yourself working next to Rolexes'R'Us or anything.

(Sorry: I have a massive, massive fucking problem with bottled water of any kind. I just think it's shit. Sparkling stuff I can just about understand, though, given that it doesn't come out of the fucking tap.)

dude I am fucking impervious to advertising, infinitely cynical about the use of the moving image in marketing, thoroughly repelled by the rise of the plasma-screen advert board (television! everywhere! on the tube! in the streets! look at our products! they move! they are colourful! buy! buy! buy!) but something I am not dissuaded by is having to walk 10 yards to get a nice (and yes, they are nice) heated ciabatta sandwich and a drink mid-gruelling-shift, especially if I get a 10% discount for working in the same block

choice of drinks = johnson's fruit juice (tiny carton, nearly 2 quid), san pellegrino, coke, or this water (bigger carton, 1.50) and you must bear in mind that "this water" is not actually bottled water (which is something I *never* buy) but is fairly agreeable bottled fruit juice drink

all I have to do is not look at the label or the price too much

Hmm. That's a miserable choice of drinks, right enough. My advice would be to buy a box of teabags (assuming you have access to a kettle or geyser in the office?)

Also: I realise I'm totally wrong about what This Water is -- it's the stuff that used to be called something less aggravating, isn't it? So yeh, the only criticism I can apply now is "overpriced", which I figure is going to go for pretty much everything in any city sandwich shop ever. Sorry.

to clarify, the san pellegrino drinks are from their fruit-drink range, not the pure sparkling water one

there's also shandy and beer but workplace ethics etc ;_;

when i buy bottled water it's mostly for the bottle, to refill with tap water and carry it around until it gets gross - can't go anywhere without a bottle of water, i get thirsty easily.

Those San Pellegrino cans you can get in Eat are in serious danger of turning me into some kind of ultra-ponce who refuses to drink from any can that doesn't come with a bit of foil across the top.

I love San Pellegrino water. I do refill plenty tho as buying water is PRICEY.

I also drink Innocent Smoothies but I don't think it's wanky/wrong to really hate that marketing aesthetic. It is seriously horrible.

when i buy bottled water it's mostly for the bottle, to refill with tap water and carry it around until it gets gross - can't go anywhere without a bottle of water, i get thirsty easily

^ Yes, absolutely.

bottled water is immoral.

sex before marriage is immoral

more fun though tbh

they'll be selling us sex in a bottle before long

i would buy it, but only to refill it after

Sex in a bottleSex in a bottle - pheromone pocket spray, five times normal active strength. Formulated and approved in the UK & sold worldwide. Read how Oxford University ...
www.iom.com/sexinabottle/ - 3k - Cached - Similar pages -

MarriageWater - Hen-pecked? Left to do all the housework? We've devised something for those special occasions of monogamous cohabitation when you simply must find instant liquid refreshment!

they'll be selling us sex in a bottle before long

Sausage in a bottle - best song Sting ever wrote.

Those San Pellegrino cans you can get in Eat are in serious danger of turning me into some kind of ultra-ponce who refuses to drink from any can that doesn't come with a bit of foil across the top.

^^^this. they also have them at italian delis near me.

san pellegrino, now THERE'S a nestle owned company you can NESTLE up to

Abolish money?
What a stupid thing to say, they haven't thought that through have they.

"Pheromone sex scent. Women cannot resist this powerful love
smell. Scientifically distilled from mystical African orchids."
Wow! Oh look, it's medically proven. "This stuff attracts women
like you would not believe -- Karachi Medical Gazette.
Available at all good sex shops." This is it Eddie -- Girl City
here we come! What do you think old chum?

Unfortunately, Eddie is the name of his dog.

Yep, Innocent Smoothie bottles can and will explode if you leave them lying around. Left a barely-sipped one on my desk at the end of a day at work and arrived back the next day to a frightening scene of strawberry carnage. Was all over the desk, my papers, between the keys of my keyboard and, impressively, on the (really rather high) ceiling.

I believe the strawberry splatters are there to this day. It delights me that at least I made some kind of mark in that job. Ho ho.

I don't drink them anymore, though. Too sickly.

Indefensible

Holy Mother of God. End days.

And even more sinister than the original, which sort of implied a single monstrous grandmother to all those wretches, because presumably for several of the people in this reunion there really isn't anyone like grandma, because she's dead.

Matt since you seem to be our resident expert here, what is the difference between San Pellegrino Aranciata (ORANGE label) and San Pellegrino La Rossa (RED label)? They both appear to be the exact same drink yet both options appear in my local poncerie.

La Rossa - blood oranges?

Presumably the La Rossa is blood orange related? I've never seen it, but I'd imagine it would therefore taste very similar to the original orange one?

I had San Pelligrino Aranciata Amara last time I was in Italy and it was lovely - think it might have been blood oranges, it was quite bitter. I had it with my lunch pretty much every day. I've been looking for it here ever since without success. This news of 'La Rossa' is a promising development.

http://www.innocentdrinks.co.uk/images/vegpots/img_vegpots1.jpg

Saw an advert for these yesterday. I seethed with rage.

Yeah, I saw some yesterday.

Dunno, might be nice, forget how much they cost.

It's about 2 of your daily allowance of needless additional packaging as well.

The Thai Curry one is revolting.

It's about 2 of your daily allowance of needless additional packaging as well.

otm - that "best eaten with one of these" guff is particularly galling. So it's not better eaten with your own washable, non-disposable metal fork rather than their throw away wooden spork then? Wankers.

Wooden spork imparts the correct experience, do not backtalk their aesthetic engineers

So hateful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RBSy34mCLM

it probably would if their smoothies weren't actually head and shoulders above the competition.

no

I was thinking "hey that's not so hateful" but then he said "baby photo wall" and I was RARARARARARAA-HULK-SMASH-HATE-RAGE!!!

Hi there -

Our records indicate that you recently cancelled your BE Broadband service. This makes us very sad.

We want to know what we can do to improve our service so that others don't leave for the same reasons and so that one day...one day...you might come back.

We would really appreciate it if you could take fewer than 5 minutes to answer a couple questions about your experience and why you left. We would appreciate it so much that we will enter you in a prize draw to win £50 worth of Amazon vouchers!

This survey will be open until the end of the day Friday (5pm) - please take a minute to help us out:

http://www.zoomerang.com/Survey/WEB22A6GL3RN5X

Thank you so much!

All the best -

Everyone @ BE

it makes me sad too

Guess which company has this as their email signature disclaimer?

Hello [:-) It's the small print! Oh yes - first, this email is confidential and legally privileged, so if it's landed in your inbox by mistake please delete it - think "Men In Black" pen zapper thingy. Please also let me know I've been a Muppet and sent it to the wrong person so I can stop sending you erudite but actually irrelevant communiques. Secondly, this isn't a contract. No way. Not a chance. So don't pretend it is or tell your friends the deal's done - it isn't. If you're reading this you're probably either: (a) a lawyer, in which case I can count on you to do the right and professional thing; or (b) bored out of your mind and reading anything just to pass the time, in which case I'm sorry this disclaimer's not longer and thank you for your attention to detail. Loving your work; have a smashing day!

BE's support staff responses were littered with mistakes - they seem to have hired a load of young Bulgarians on the cheap and it was surprising to see such a trade-off wrt poor written English from a major company.

did you seriously change broadband providers because of spelling mistakes

omg u racist

he did it bcs of bulgarian workers there DO YOU SEE

they seem to have hired a load of young Bulgarians on the cheap

do you read the internet? you don't have to go to bulgaria to find really shitty written english

duh, course u don't but it's cheaper

England is a place where you can find really shitty written English.

england for the shittily written english, that's what i say

did you seriously change broadband providers because of spelling mistakes

no! i was moving house

i just saw the badly-written english and thought 'wow, how unprofessional'. i've not noticed it on anywhere near that level from any other corporate correspondance.

"totes unaceptable" i told them. those were my sentimonies to be sure.

"DEAR BE: U MAD"

Hello [:-) It's the small print! Oh yes - first, this email is confidential and legally privileged, so if it's landed in your inbox by mistake please delete it - think "Men In Black" pen zapper thingy. Please also let me know I've been a Muppet and sent it to the wrong person so I can stop sending you erudite but actually irrelevant communiques. Secondly, this isn't a contract. No way. Not a chance. So don't pretend it is or tell your friends the deal's done - it isn't. If you're reading this you're probably either: (a) a lawyer, in which case I can count on you to do the right and professional thing; or (b) bored out of your mind and reading anything just to pass the time, in which case I'm sorry this disclaimer's not longer and thank you for your attention to detail. Loving your work; have a smashing day!

― niminy-piminy cricket (Upt0eleven), Thursday, 25 March 2010 17:43

my god that's repulsive, what company is it so i can vow to never use them?

am gonna guess innocent

Would put money on both of you having used this company already this morning.

oh shit it's not charmin is it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cToziPN-6d4

KILL

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

let me show you how it's done

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80v5Wueed10

oh no, an advert

what is that song, it is fucking disgusting!

the bud one i mean

Shit beer commercials are a fact of life.

The song from the Budweiser ad is "All Together Now" by The Beatles. I think it was used for another commercial years ago but I can't remember for what.

hello

We like our orange juice because it tastes very, very good.

But there's no need to bang on about it, so here's a picture of an annoyed owl dressed as a tree to help pass the time.

Would put money on both of you having used this company already this morning.

― niminy-piminy cricket (Upt0eleven), Saturday, 27 March 2010 12:58 (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

still wanna know who this is

Google btw

that figures

Huh, was expecting this to have been bumped for this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8619028.stm

funny you say that, i bought the dragonfruit one of those at the weekend, and it had some bullshit on the side like "rosie is at glastonbury. justin's tent got stuck in the mud. vitamin water won't help with this, but it might help you win an arm wrestling contest with your gran :)"

"vitamin water won't help with this, but it might help to murder thousands of children"

:)

i believe this is covered upthread, complete with painstakingly typed-out blurbs

"here at innocent we are busy knitting wooly hats for genocidal soldiers in rwanda. for every baby that's killed, we'll hand pick you an orange! ps: david hasselhoff!"

this whole schtick actually makes people distrust human kindness and enthusiasm.

^^^yep

That innocent video posted a month ago... It's like The Office but everyone's David Brent. horrible.

Personally can't think of any company trying to do the OTT nice approach, except for banks and petroleum companies, so it's not really as irritating when they are so obviously fucking people over at every turn.

There's that creepy thing Westpac are doing where they have those giant banners on the window saying HI I AM FRANK SMITH, BRANCH MANAGER and father of two and snowboard enthusiast and superman and bla bla bla and I'm here to help!"

If I was a bank manager and had to have that shit plastered outside my workplace I think I'd find a new job.

Identity Theft

http://innocentdrinks.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451ba8c69e201347fd83c1c970c-popup

FUCK OFF

http://imgur.com/53Myi.jpg

Ugh, this.

"human kindness and enthusiasm" is a myth devised to sell you crap products.

Those British Vitamin Water blurbs are so British. Flatmates, snogged, trainers, Glastonbury, prawn cocktail crisps.

it's like anglophile vocab

Until just now I had never opened this thread, never heard of these drinks and was 100% convinced that Innocent Smoothies was a band name.

"human kindness and enthusiasm" is a myth devised to sell you crap products.

shame on you

i really like innocent smoothies.

the aesthetic is horrid. had a pot noodle lately (;_;) and it had some matey stuff about telling their mum if it didn't taste right or whatever pish. I DEMAND PROFESSIONAL DECORUM.

they taste nice...tho a friend claimed to me at the weekend they changed from 4 a day to 2 a day or some shit...

we were ordering battered sausages at the time that we discussed this disgraceful news

yeah they're 2-a-day. I buy two cartons whenever they have it for 2 for some slightly cheaper price in tesco and have a big glass at breakfast.

I buy it but it's hard to unseat berocca as my breakfast beverage.

guys

guys

http://campaignlive.co.uk/thework/news/996845/Oasis-fruity-drinks-lunchtime-dreams-Mother/

guys

someone needs to start making ad campaigns that say "we are money hungry irresponsible cunts"

Think Barclays still use that slogan.

These companies are clearly all shook in the wake of the Milk Advisory Council introducing its Pixie Lott Ersatz Cumstache gambit.

haaaaaa

i wondered what the f that was. saw it on the side of a bus.

Our veggie options contain no meat or meat products and we aim to prevent them contacting our chickens in any way (even by phone).

That fits in here, right?

what is worse? vitamin water or suing over the health claims put forward by vitamin water, which entails believing them

Guy sitting next to me in a long drawn out tedious meeting yesterday was drinking vitamin water. I wonder if it helped him focus on the pointless argument that took up most of the 2+ hours?

there's some kind of new range of lotions or whatever in tesco that does this inspirational quote bullshit on the front, i find it disproportionately infuriating

not disproportionate

dude, you rant in all caps about the results of food polls!

<3 you LJ, but ... just sayin'

i'm past caring about the food polls

although in 4 minutes i won't be

A friend of mine just sold some footage (originally shot for an experimental film!) to Vitamin Water. Pretty savvy move, imo

Wow the blurbs on the US versions of Glaceau are somehow more aggravating than the UK ones

no wait the semifinals close tomorrow

oh and i'm not even fucking bothered really

glaceau need to be shot into the sun

food poll is some JYP shit

xp you are forgetting the "´" - which symbolizes the trajectory it should take on its way to the sun

Forfucksake:

Bored of the iPad already? Pop round to Fruit Towers, 1 Goldhawk estate...

Where to even start?

There's a regular epidemic of bullshit twee adverts at the moment. See also poster campaigns for Trebor Softmints, Orange mobile phone plans

Some enterprising young documentary maker needs to do some undercover filming at the Innocent factory, which I'm sure must be on an industrial estate somewhere near a Yop plant.

they opened a Pret by my work and the first time I went in there I felt such shame at the way the phrase "does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating" popped fully-formed into my head

srsly though that shit is like Wallace and Gromit trying to sell you an egg salad sandwich

you english people are so angry

Rivington Street in Shoreditch now appears to have some kind of pop-up style Innocent cafe.

Walked past it yesterday, did a double-take, thought of this thread and stuck my head in the window to see a large hall packed with 50 or so Clapham-looking twats in Superdry jeans and flip-flops perched on tiny chairs at long tables. The aesthetic definitely struck me as 'lunchtime in the school hall'.

Not particularly cutesy: argues it sells 'liquefied fruit salad' for tax purposes.

Recently went into a store and beheld 'World Peace: The Smoothie'

...

http://www.poster.net/bacon-francis/bacon-francis-portrait-pape-innocent-9948046.jpg

So we've been scratching our heads with confusion this morning as the government has decided they will continue to charge VAT on fruit smoothies. Ultimately, if the VAT charge was reduced, we could pass the saving on to our drinkers.

trying to think of other companies in other industries with a similarly precious/entitled/twee aesthetic but legions of ~middle class~ fans etc etc

xpost That's the thing... Also, I had no idea they were part-owned by Coca Cola. Innocent my bottom.

Wonder how long my comment will stay under that blog post?

I'm not fucking kidding. http://www.innocentdrinks.co.uk/things_we_make/smoothies/pod/

http://www.innocentdrinks.co.uk/images/drinks/bot_guest_pod.jpg

A-ha ha ha. I hope their Social Media Guru (I bet they have one, it's exactly the type of company to dick about like that) checks out the pages linking to their blog, too, and reads this thread.

I now appear to be trolling the Innocent Smoothies website. This is what my life has now become.

I dunno, Matt. Four pounds for a fruit juice that creates World Peace is a pretty special deal.

Posted by: Jack | November 23, 2010 at 05:18 PM

XD

not me btw

lol i posted

What happened? I'm confused...

posted

me too, #innocentblog

oh wait, who the hell

YOU GUYS EH

wouldn't let me post for some reason, and i've got a now empty can of coke right here

lol at all of you sounding a bit like rabid daily mail readers (otm tho obv)

your mum sounds like a daily mail reader

harry the banana is furious about big bad mr vat hurting him and his fruity friends!

she sure is caek. she suuuuuure is.

harry the banana better be careful or mr innocent might push him into one of the vats at the factory and make a fucking smoothy out of him.

posted

posted again...more ridiculous now...

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

is one allowed to excelsior from without ILX

put the word out, if ilx goes down again we are all going to the innocent blog and going on like normal

This is glorious.

some people on our blog have decided to be negative nathans! media michael is very sad about this and hasn't left his office all day! that's why danny delete has made some mean words disappear!

losing my shit here

omg you guys, well done

if like our ceo wooly william, you really love innocent and drink them until the cows come home (what cows? we only use fruit in our smoothies!) and you really enjoy our fun approach to bringing you some 100 per cent fruit, then the chances are you are unable to actually chew foods you total fucking cretin.

The Social Media Guru obviously rode his Vespa home to Clapham early this afternoon after a good two or three hours hard work brainstorming new brand strategies.

He's going to have a hard time on Thursday morning when he gets back into the office at 11am!

Hang on, they 'has' a Twitter:

@danniiminogue Sorry, just realised the cat in the hat is not your cat. Got excited there. If you'd like one (a hat not a cat) let us know.

lol ronan

i think innocent smoothies are fucking delicious. which may around here be the equivalent of saying 'say what you will about the nazis, but they had STYLE.'

Innocent Smoothies are very sad about having to charge VAT on our very expensive yummy smoothies because it means we have to pass it on to all of our customers. We don't want to pay it ourselves because we don't like our money going to schools and hospitals and budget deficits and other nasty things.

It means we have more money to spend on little hats and pictures of flowers and festivals with Kate Nash and yummy treats for our social media consultants, and other nice things!

Posted by: Davey

Needs retweeting, get Stephen Fry on the case:

@innocentdrinks But it was not the "government" that decided, but the court that did. it was a court case, not a lobbying campaign

trying to think of other companies in other industries with a similarly precious/entitled/twee aesthetic but legions of ~middle class~ fans etc etc

was this an Arsenal zing?

lololol

just hurt my face laughing at the smoothieblog intervention btw, good work gentlemen

;) xxp

http://images.newmedia.lu/rtl2008.lu/nt/p/2009/12/24/13/129786dfacbacfe70a802c839e319a23.jpeg

this is the least valuable oversized corporate charity cheque ever, right?

Wait does that cheque say 'Alimentary (as in canal) Bank' in French?

The decimal point in most European countries' number systems functions like a comma in the UK, btw.

In this case, why not use a colon?

p sure nakh means moral value

I realise it was a joek and I feel like the worst kind of pedantic churl tbh

the worst kind of pedantic .churl

http://www.ilx.ch/

Good work chaps.

couldn't resist another post, in response to some pro innocent bastards

lol at whoever posted as stevem

I would set off at around 7.15am each morning to attend to any jobs I had. Fruit.

yeah those last two posts are gr8

If you have a problem with the price of the Smoothies, don't buy them, they're not forcing you to. Yes, they are more expensive than a piece of fruit because you're paying for someone to come up with the flavour combination, someone to design the bottle, an ad, the bottle itself, someone to be in charge of paying all the people who do this. I'm sure Innocent don't mind the VAT going towards schools and hospitals because none of it goes towards making sure that politicians can make massive expense claims to the tune of more than a lot of people earn in a year...

that's a great idea whenever i'm up for tax evasion

NOT PAYING FOR YOUR BLOODY DUCK ISLANDS IS A CIVIC PROTEST

love it when people say "you have to pay for the cost of the marketing" like it's a special treat

the reason i moved all those companies offshore and got my secretary to file fake tax returns is cuz i'll be DAMNED if i'm gonna subsidise some bloody fancy house of bleedin commons monogrammed stationery

Tax evaders are are greatest national heroes

find it hard to believe a real human being would actually of their own accord defend innocent smoothies

If you have a problem with the price of the genocides, don't support the Khmer Rouge, even though they're forcing you to. Yes, they are more expensive than machetes because you're paying for someone to come up with the extermination camps, someone to design the infrastructure, the propaganda, the torture techniques themselves, someone to be in charge of paying all the people who do this. I'm sure righteous citizens don't mind the support going towards death and terror because none of it goes towards making sure that politicians can make massive expense claims to the tune of more than a lot of people earn in a year...

Apparently they were going to charge VAT on fat, cats, mats, tat, bats and hats... but it wasn't quite ridiculous enough an idea.

Posted by: Hayes | November 24, 2010 at 11:33 PM

Hayes I've had enough of your antics. What do I pay you for? Just clear your desk and get out - there are plenty of people out there who would've grabbed this opportunity with bear hands but this is how you'd rather spend your time. Unbelievable.

Posted by: Mr Frost | Nov 25, 2010 4:02:01 PM

have worked as a plumber in southern Ireland since 1986.

At that time my wife was working in the local bookmakers shop and she would eat an apple each day before work.

I would set off at around 7.15am each morning to attend to any jobs I had. Fruit.

In the end one morning I arrived at a house and the man who owned it had passed away.

Grow up the lot of you.

Posted by: Noel | November 25, 2010 at 03:33 PM

Huge LOLS!

recent comments
Kevin Shields-Talbot on I can't go for VAT
Ffyfe Dinglefield on I can't go for VAT
angry mum on I can't go for VAT
Noel on I can't go for VAT
Mr Frost on I can't go for VAT
Matthew Fluxington Perpetua on I can't go for VAT
nabisco on I can't go for VAT
Elaine Lambert on the final hat of the week 2010
Ooh Aah Cantaloop on I can't go for VAT
Tuomas on I can't go for VAT

We all have to pay our taxes to the stinking Eurocrats. Even me and I'm just a banana.

I would have spoken out sooner but I was worried they would have me liquidated.

Posted by: Ffyfe Dinglefield

Awesome.

nabisco otm.

http://innocentdrinks.typepad.com/innocent_drinks/2010/11/the-final-hat-of-the-week-2010.html

^ Garu G to comments plz

Congrats on both of these hats, they are both fandabbydoo!!! x

Posted by: Natalie | November 24, 2010 at 09:00 PM

Garu G has commented...

Not in the knit-a-granny thread he hasn't :(

ronan/noel on fire. classic material.

been considering writing a series of letters to public figures in the style of "noel"

do it, whinetize it, make some cash on a coffee table book. would be well earned.

whinetize?

monetize, via the medium of tumblr

lol denzel

Well played Garu, the boy done great

They can censor Garu G but they can't take his gran's flange.

Oh shit, they just deleted his post!

yeah they deleted another post of his yesterday.

Australia's deeply annoying Nudie Smoothies have made an exciting move into the world of fruit juices:

http://img109.imageshack.us/img109/7640/photooja.jpg

ugh

aaaaargh it's like a brutal hybrid of Innocent Smoothies and Aussie Shampoo

probably tastes like one too

surprisingly it tastes like normal orange juice

only purchased it because the supermarket had it on sale at half price btw

I'd like to briefly get on my high-horse about Aussie Shampoo btw!!

Those fuckers are all over the tube with their ultra-matey advertising!!

It makes me bloody sick!!!

I am not aware of 'Aussie Shampoo' but if I was in charge of marketing, the tagline would be "its cool bro we're washing your hair with industrial chemicals".

Has anyone else tried the limited edition Innocent Christmas sprout smoothie? It's festively yummy and it comes with a little knitted Santa hat.

are you TRYING to giving louis an embolism, james?

i am crying right now

i believe that's a symptom... call the doc.

people using sprouts as a "joke" are the same sort of despicable philistines who go "lol 4'33"

like sprouts are fucking A and fuiud

Heh, "100% australian owned" shd be a forum ownage jpg

sprouts are waste

this guy ^ knows what's up, sry vague

this is what happens when cultural pessimism overtakes a man, beset as he is by a longing for some vanished albion of boiled stodge, longlife milk, striking miners, bomb shelters, marc bolan, thomas de quincey, john donne etc

dont trust anything that comes from brussels amirite

hey I did an essay on de Quincey the other day, dude's a real fucken gnostic, smashes the beat poets and most of the Romantics at their own game

if Innocent had a laudanum smoothie I would approve of their business

and I would be already dead or living with a hooker trying to learn the complete works of Herodotus

laudanum smoothie!

could work

could def work

Just now on YouTube...

"
:\
This video contains content from Channel 4, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds.
Sorry about that.
"

Some thoughts:

a) I live in the UK, so WTF I can't watch a video from a UK TV channel?
b) :\ <<< stop that shit now.
c) "Sorry about that." <<< fuck off
d) FUCK
e) OFF

These lot take the biscuit.

http://www.treaclemoon.net/product_images/product_story_ginger_on.jpg

http://www.treaclemoon.net/product_images/product_story_lemonade_on.jpg

I can't actually tell from their website what the fuck it is that they make.

Bath and shower gel. My gf has some.

http://www.treaclemoon.net/news.html <- They also encourage their customers to come up with blurbs describing the "fairy tale place" the smell of the bath gel takes them to. The results are horrifying.

http://www.treaclemoon.net/product_images/stefan_brazzo_aug10.jpg

"I am dreaming, the soft chocolate frothy milk is all around me, swirls of thick chocolate surround my toes, ripples expand revealing my little belly button and gentle waves crash against my silky neck... I awake from my dream and enjoy the rest of my bath in Chocolate Dreams."

a furry tale place

scat's entertainment...

http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/7225/photome.jpg

"Those languid afternoons spent lying on the sweet-smelling grass beneath the tree catching dappled sunshine on her legs, half reading the book of poems she knew by heart, sipping her cool elderflower cordial and drifting between daydreams.. If the afternoon, and the cordial never ended, she wouldn't have missed the rest of the world."

:)

what is the website that these essays are being written for

woah that dude is crepey

http://www.youtube.com/innocentdrinksltd

^^^ if that's Pamplemoose you're gonna crash the freakin' board

ah no I've seen that ad, clever of them to go for the eating disorder market

how about just have a fucking banana for 1/10 the price

and no vat

http://innocentdrinks.typepad.com/innocent_drinks/2011/01/impress-your-boss.html#comments

God bless everyone who has been affected by this.

xp clearly fabricated comments section

i don't think my 59 year-old, ex-army, woman-ignoring, chain-smoking boss with a limp and a gammy eye would be impressed by a "innocent veg-pot".

what does impress him

^i would also like to know

innocent veg pot buyers must be basically evil tho

I've bought the veg pots when they've been on offer in Tescos, the best thing about them is that they lack the preservatives required to stop them fermenting and will politely let you know that their best before date is approaching by occasionally exploding in your fridge.

Anyway, Lush are the worst at this stuff. They've just been hacked (and by "just" I mean 3 and a half months ago, but they noticed it today). A few of my friends have had their (non-encrypted) credit card details stolen from the site and have rung up the companies and found out they're the victims of credit card fraud now. This is Lush's site:

http://www.lush.co.uk/

The moralising on there's bad enough, if I was a successful bubble bath company I like to think I'd have the morals to shell out for basic security measures like encrypting people's credit card details or some sort of warning system that lets me know my site's been hacked, but someone really needs to tell them this probably isn't the time to "share a smile" with the cutesy puppet videos.

http://www.youtube.com/lushcosmetics#p/a/u/0/tmPgKe0E7-k

We Believe hacking is a serious crime which steals large amounts of money and disrupts the lives of cardholders.

We Believe that hacking erodes the trust between businesses and their customers and creates a climate of fear around online ordering.

We Believe in working with police and banks to do all we can to bring this branch of organised crime to justice.

"We Believe in shutting the barn door waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay after the horse has bolted because we are fucking cheapskate fucks who won't pay for basic website security the way that every other fucking online store does."

TO THE HACKER
If you are reading this, our web team would like to say that your talents are formidable. We would like to offer you a job - were it not for the fact that your morals are clearly not compatible with ours or our customers'.

YEAH...psych! That shows him!

Yeah, hacker was going "Yay! oh,..."

I've bought the veg pots when they've been on offer in Tescos, the best thing about them is that they lack the preservatives required to stop them fermenting and will politely let you know that their best before date is approaching by occasionally exploding in your fridge.

Anyway, Lush are the worst at this stuff. They've just been hacked (and by "just" I mean 3 and a half months ago, but they noticed it today). A few of my friends have had their (non-encrypted) credit card details stolen from the site and have rung up the companies and found out they're the victims of credit card fraud now. This is Lush's site:

http://www.lush.co.uk/

The moralising on there's bad enough, if I was a successful bubble bath company I like to think I'd have the morals to shell out for basic security measures like encrypting people's credit card details or some sort of warning system that lets me know my site's been hacked, but someone really needs to tell them this probably isn't the time to "share a smile" with the cutesy puppet video.

I concur with this completely random anonymous poster who I have never engaged with before but have no reason to believe is a company shill.

what does impress him

― Nigie Dempstah (nakhchivan), Thursday, January 20, 2011 11:40 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^i would also like to know

― saturday nose fever (electricsound), Thursday, January 20, 2011 11:41 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

getting all our work done on time and accurately without asking any questions that might distract him from his dick francis novels or fag breaks. i suppose he likes pasties as well, tho.

so this isn't about pubic-hair-free nudists?

it is now...

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2009/1/29/1233235978770/Serious-Foods-Sunjuice-001.jpg

Here's a photo of the excitingly twee facility where all the yummy Innocent drinks are mass manufactured by shiny machines in a lovely village in Wales called Llantrisant.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bN9se-ul_aE/SPAHFjy63HI/AAAAAAAABSU/vtv4I5dHwV8/s1600/sunshine+desserts.jpg

Also home to Gu, Pieminister (or it will be shortly) and the Royal Mint - the place is a fucking goldmine.

Actually it seems Sunjuice has bitten the dust and is now owned by Fruitapeel.
http://www.foodmanufacture.co.uk/Sectors/Beverages/Fruitapeel-md-announces-potential-new-jobs
Fascinating...

Fruitapeel md Terry Haigh says his firm could potentially create up to 15 more new jobs at its newly acquired fresh juice extraction facility in Wales.

Looks like the recession's over then.

How and where are your drinks made?

We want to make the best quality drinks with the lowest possible carbon impact. To do so, we buy the best ingredients there are and then find the most carbon-efficient way of getting them to our drinkers. We have a policy of moving our ingredients by land or sea only; we will not air freight them.

Our ingredients come from three main geographical areas - the UK, continental Europe and the Tropics. The tropical fruit arrives in Holland via Rotterdam, Europe's main fruit port, and is blended in Holland with the European fruit on a daily basis. We then put the blended fruit into tankers (the same as used for transporting fresh milk) and bring it by boat or rail from Holland to the UK. The tankers come to the UK ports that are closest to our bottling sites (our main sites are in Wales and Somerset) to minimise transporting by road in the UK. We then blend these ingredients with the locally squeezed fruits (eg our lemons and limes) and other local ingredients at our UK co-packing plants and then deliver the smoothies to our customers. All of this happens six days a week, as we don't squeeze and blend on Sundays in the UK. This way of blending part of our smoothies in Europe with the European fruit and then in the UK with the other fruit and ingredients means that we minimise the amount of energy used in transporting our ingredients, ensuring we get the best drinks for the least carbon.

The tropical fruit arrives in Holland via Rotterdam, Europe's main fruit port

feel like they may've missed a bit of the journey here