What does girlfriend steal?

what are her methods?

As long as it's not your heart.

she jsut shoplifts. puts the stuff in her bag. she's good at it. i don't even realise she's doing it most of the time.
xpost

gf that steals expensive cheese = keeper

jism

it sounds fun, but this can only end badly.

jism thievery, the next step in radical feminism. it's a long-term game plan.

she could move on to bigger stuff and get herself and more importantly - you into trouble

http://www.runoutgroove.net/armand_live.jpg

when she's stealing jism it's usually onto a bigger stuff

i have never seen her stealing other things. just food items. i guess because the risk is low. no alarm thingys on cheese.

she has good taste though. we make some good tapas with a lot of this stuff.

This is more common then i thought.

jism

haha I was just coming here to say "precious bodily fluids"

She may also be plotting to poison my water supply with fluoride.

my precious bodily fluids are a gift that needs to be givin. so is not stealing

your girlfriend should serve as a lesson to shoplifters everywhere: steal the good stuff cause you're going to jail either way.

haha i know someone who was caught stealing cheese and arrested, it was very stupid. i'm sure your girlfriend will at least have the good sense to not argue with the police about how it not morally wrong to steal food, resist arrest, and refer to herself as a political prisoner.

this seems like a dumb thing.

Get girlfriend psychiatric help before she fucks up her life /funhater

i also forgot to close /funhater tag

if you guys are going to steal stuff it should be stupid pointless things. like when my friend stole the hueg poster of the side of a Togos

i'm pretty sure if i asked her not to do this anymore she would just stop.

have people been stealing a lot of milk lately?

-- cutty, Tuesday, October 30, 2007 12:25 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

http://www.fazed.com/images/winona.jpg

3. gurlfriend pls stop shoplifting cheese from wholefoods. it is scary and it's not like u need the money!!

-- vahid (vfoz...), November 29th, 2006. (vahid) (later) (link)

queso-klepto

Oh shit ^^

good cheese cost mad bread

but good bread is pretty easy on the cheddar

the "money = cheese" metaphor: origins revealed

though i am partial to the "money = cake" metaphor, because then you can refer to the crumpled up 1's in yr pocket as "scratch"

can your girlfriend steal a cake for me?

if it fits in hand bag

i wonder how much money the average whole-foods loses each month on stolen cheese? it doesn't seem an uncommon problem, so I guess they probably account for it in their bottom line somewhere.

the only cheese i steal from the supermarket is an extra lump of feta cheese, which I eat while preparing my lunch at the salad bar.

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-5/729624/janes_addiction_been_caught-wmv003.jpg

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2004/09/30/nfldcheese_040930.html

it's a slippery tasty sloop

errr..slope

i think i haven't ever stolen a thing from a supermarket.

The heroin-cold medicine combination known as "cheese" has not yet traveled north from Dallas to Collin County, area narcotics investigators say. But that hasn't stopped suburban users from applying the catchy name to their heroin.

cheese is my heroin

that's because when casein protein breaks down, the casein peptides react to the opiate receptors in yr brain! so yea, cheese = heroin.

In ancient Athens, there was a designated area for the production of cheese in the market and in ancient Sparta; a whole ritual took place on the context of cheese theft that formed part of the military training.

she is training for war!!

The worst that will happen is they will tell you to put it back and never come in again.

Big deal!

oh my GOD, my fiancee totally does this, too!!!

she grabs cheese from whole foods!!

been caught stealing once, when i was five

oh haha i didn't see i had been quoted upthread.

do you tell her to stop doing it?

i would. it's just kind of...dorky.

Unless you're 15, then it's kind of cool and romantic. But adults shoplifting without needing to = dud.

When I was 17 and worked in a grocery, the store's undercover dick roped me into some kind of elaborate trap operation for a girl I went to school with and had kind of a crush on. I had to go talk to her to make sure she didn't put back the blueberries and granola she was shoplifting. This seemed totally unfair, but I was too much of a wimp to actually tip her off to put them back and escape. I still feel bad about it.

as well you should.

if you're too poor to buy good cheese wtf are you doing in whole foods anyway? stealing is weaksauce, people. a girl being a klepto would totally be a deal breaker.

They like 'em crazy on ILX, chaki.

hey so do i but stealing is a whole other thang

chaki OTM re: wholefoods. just go to a less overpriced grocery store you spoiled yuppies. (no offense to vahid's lady)

The only time I've ever sort of stolen from a shop was when I was about 5 or 6. I swapped some price labels in a supermarket, said "Mum, look, these are only 6p!" and so she put them in the basket and the cashier totally fell for it.

Sounds like your Mum was probably doing it every week...

i'm sure your girlfriend will at least have the good sense to not argue with the police about how it not morally wrong to steal food, resist arrest, and refer to herself as a political prisoner.

Hahahaha oh man cops and store managers love that line of reasoning.

Just don't try to steal essential family needs from Wal-Mart.

If it helps, Ian, the store dick had recently threatened to get me fired because I ate my lunch before paying for it (even though the line was long and the cashiers actually preferred people to just catch them later), and he'd have totally screwed me if he'd caught me abetting shoplifter escapes. Dude had zero work to do, he got really excited about anything he could crack down on.

Although he did make me NOT say anything about the 70-year-old man who clearly had a 69-cent gravy-mix packet in the pocket of his see-through shirt

The worst that will happen is they will tell you to put it back and never come in again.

Depends on the state laws but no, a lot of people/places will arrest you. My mom-in-law got arrested a year or so ago for stealing cold medicine and Tylenol, maybe $10 worth of stuff. And of course can't go back.

Cold medicine is kind of a shoplifting risk area, though

Although he did make me NOT say anything about the 70-year-old man who clearly had a 69-cent gravy-mix packet in the pocket of his see-through shirt

I would not want to arrest such a man if only because the thought of touching a 70-yr-old man in a see through shirt is highly unappealing.

Oh man, I'm not gonna make apologies for my mom-in-law. She'd been stealing Coach bags & such for years. Finally caught up to her.

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/7/71/200px-Seinfeld_s9e17.jpg

HELLO...JERRY!

Someone I know used to work in a UK supermarket during his student years - he was friends with one of the security staff there who was obsessed with people trying to steal cheese. He would spend all day hanging around near the dairy products to deter or even catch potential cheddar-thieves. Apparently its a fairly common thing to be stolen - I guess because it is both reasonably high in price and handily portable.

And tasty!

also you can melt it down and make it into anything you want

Pygmalion Parmasean

I wish that was my name. : {

I think I know someone with that name on Second Life.

When I worked in a grocery store in high school nobody gave a damn about shoplifting. We were too busy ripping the place off ourselves.

note to store managers: asking 16-year olds to cover an overnight shift basically turns your store into underage cigs and booze-buying/stealing central.

yeah the thing about the stealing cheese is that we can totally afford to buy all the cheese we want so i don't even understand why she was doing it. for fun, i guess?

Ours is not to cheese-um why.

I don't think the store managers should be asking who moved their cheese: on the contrary, they should be embracing change.

i did tell her to stop doing it, her answer was that she was reasonably sure that the dudes at the store knew she was doing it but they were ignoring it because she was young and pretty. my response to that was that if she got arrested i'd ask her parents to bail her out, which i *think* snapped her out of it.

Unless you're 15, then it's kind of cool and romantic.
-- paulhw, Wednesday, October 31, 2007 8:07 PM

i think this maybe has something to do w/ why some well-off adults shoplift

Well-off adults are cool and romantic too?

yes!

"they don't care what I steal, I brighten their dreary day with my radiant beauty"

it sounds like maybe she is getting an ego boost by being pretty enough to get free stuff?

^^ yes

that was xpost to milo z

if she wanted an ego-boost she could just go hang out @ the mall

moonship bro u sure she isn't seeing carne asda on the side?

i'm pretty sure he lives in LA.

but as far as i know she picked it up when she was living there!

maybe it's an LA thing??

that's what i get for dating hollywood starlets

Free cheese.

chicks who are klepto = tip of one big, nutty iceberg

That they probably stole from the supermarket.

iceberg lettuce

but what if it's one big, nutty, hot iceberg?

hot carcass weight

There's a definite moral obligation to steal from Tesco, Sainsbury's etc that I feel guilty about not fulfilling due to lack of bravery though I always make sure to eat some mushrooms for free. Sometimes when I'm standing in a queue that is ridiculous I just empty my basket into my bag & walk out but this is rare.

i watched someone shoplift a bandit mask from a costume store on tuesday night

Did they put it on?

the last thing i shoplifted was some pillows from ikea a few years ago - but that was purely for revenge.

no they stuck the mask under their giant hoody and pretended to take a cellphone call

i stole a silver whistle when i was little. then i took it to school and blew it in class and the teacher took it off me and never gave it back. karma, i guess.

I stole regularly from age 5-12 but haven't had the guts to steal much after being caught taking porno mags. Porno mags! Regret not being born 20 years later if only for this.

Were the porno mags better 20 years later?

It is 20 years later now. I would be amazed if anyone still bought porno mags now.

Or, especially, stole them.

Do people still steal CDs? I guess they do.

The RIAA should point to the sad collapse of the porno mag market as part of their campaign to stop people stealing music.

If anyone downloaded my porno mags after I'd been through 'em the joke was on them.

Oh, I see, you wish you were that age now so you could visit asiansexyshemales.com instead of buying Playboys.

People hell of steal CDs! The guy who ran the rekkid store in Boise hung copies of the Code of Hammurabi on the wall in hopeless desperate attempt to curb it. (People slit open the cases & steal the discs making it even more 'wtf why don't you just download it?')

Theft is killing home taping.

I don't wish I were that age now & I don't wanna visit asiansexyshemales.com but if asiansexyshemales.com had existed then I wouldn't have ended up in the police station.

But I might have ended up somewhere else I wouldn't wanna be.

The hospital?

Maybe.

OMG, I just visited asiansexyshemales.com.

except for the subjective middle adjective, it's pretty much everything the URL promises.

Yes, I was warned.

*looks*

Oh man actually NOW they have some shemales that aren't Asian. And apparently one of the requisites for shemaledom is having a very bizarre and unattractive peaner.

Oh, I thought that would be a joke URL. Good stuff. I probably would have gone for asiansexyfemales.com, but, seeing how that leads nowhere, 12-year-old me might have been forced to go robbing John Menzies in 2007 after all.

Because of this thread I steal cheese now, all the time. If I want cheese I steal it. It is really easy. I don't steal anything else but cheese. (I stole some Louise Bourgeois postcards but that was just showing off & I won't do it again.)

stolen cheese tastes better.

you guys should stop stealing!!!

I just started though.

i have asked her to chill with the queso thievery

stealing is against the law

OF GOD

Upthread, someone commented that you are just asked to return the stolen items when you get caught shoplifting. In reality, far worse things sometimes happen. It's a bummer when I go grocery shopping and see a friend cuffed in the back of a cruiser idling in front of the Hyvee.

yeah all it takes is for somebody more greedy than you to come in and ruin their numbers for the month for a store to start pressing charges

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/47/Photek_riscvsreward_cover.jpg

ok awesome

"stealing cheese" sounds like an awesome metaphor for something. but what...

http://www.whomovedmycheese.com/images/logo.gif

my boss gave us that book

she steals the cheese to put on carne asada and thus turn him into the pizza that he is

It's a bummer when I go grocery shopping and see a friend cuffed in the back of a cruiser idling in front of the Hyvee.

"I know her, she was in my Ethics class"

yeah all it takes is for somebody more greedy than you to come in and ruin their numbers for the month for a store to start pressing charges

I don't know where you people come from, but here it is not a big deal to face charges. It is worth it for cheese.

You could go to jarl.

We come from a place where we don't like our future liberties/options curtailed by an impuilsive decision to steal some fucking cheese.

You should move.

It's actually easier to not steal cheese!

In the short term.

why not steal the whole cow

where do you live that there it is not a "big deal" to face charges?? i am genuinely curious?

this seems like such a stupid thing to get busted for. i would be embarrassed.

Not even I, with my MONSTROUS THUNDERCOCK, can successfully smuggle a cow in my pants without someone noticing.

If you're going to steal, go with the plausible deniability route - one item left at the back of the basket or underneath or something. "Oh, god, missed that. Lemme pay for it."

that does work

Dan, that needs to be in the FAQ or something. xxpost

yeah, "cheese casually dropped into coat pocket", as a strategy, has an absent-minded plausability that "cheese tucked into underwear" notably lacks.

Question, do you only steal pre packaged cheese or do you ask them to cut you a chunk at the deli counter and then steal it?

Is is wrong to ask for a tasting sample of cheese before stealing a hunk?

i wonder if you could construct a wearable undergarment from individually wrapped kraft slices, tho?

That is not really cheese though.

this thread is going to cause me to become a self-loathing white person

pasturized cheeze food product, whatever.

OMAR IS WHITE?>!?!??!!

She stole cheese. He stole crackers. Until one day, they were arrested. Now, things are going to get a whole lot tastier in Burbank County Jail. Snack Time. Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?

wear cheese undergarment with cheese perfume
http://images.teamsugar.com/files/users/1/15259/21_2007/stiltoncheeseperfume.jpg

: O

we wandered into some cheese shop in the village over the weekend and boy did her eyes light up with what most certainly were thoughts of the easy marks.

carne this is one of my favorite threads

I am the thief in my relationship.

i had two girlfriends (not same time) who both stole nirvana'a nevermind album from myself.

yeah this totally made me :). i used to steal cheese like all the time :(

boggling at that perfume,I hope it's real

there's a cheaper way to smell like cheese

Note to self: patent food-grade nanobot RFID tags.

i think i forced her into retirement but if it ever becomes necessary to call her back into action she’s ready.

there's a cheaper way to smell like cheese

not bathing?

of course!

That's not quite cheese though. Smearing cheese uponst oneself creat a more genuine cheese odor aura.

imo not bathing = more ham than cheese

my dog smells like ham if he doesn't get a bath every couple weeks.

maybe but the first thing i think when a really stinky guy (or girl) sits in front of me on a bus is that he smells like aged cheese

I never get to "aged cheese"; usually my brain stops at "old ham" and/or "hot garbage".

I will steal books from u
If u my boo

if only ilx was in smellovision, we could find the ilxor who smells most like cheese, and the ilxor who smells most like ham.
then have a poll.

onions ime

onions is another common smell among the unwashed

I will steal books from u
If u my boo

I never stole books from my last boo, even though the opportunity to was comically huge. I only even have two books that I borrowed and didn't return, and those were genuine oversights.

I do not thnk I have stolen anything!

my hart

It turns out she got the shoplifting gene from her mom. She was telling me stories of using the kids as cover up to shoplift back in the day when they first came to the states.

I will steal books from u
If u my boo

I never stole books from my last boo, even though the opportunity to was comically huge. I only even have two books that I borrowed and didn't return, and those were genuine oversights.

― tie me up, dress in drag, and read to me from the bible (kenan), Monday, 12 October 2009 21:00 (30 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalin

yeah,that's pretty much what i do
I've never shoplifted . i can't bring myself to steal an apple.

usually my brain stops at "old ham"

http://www.pickabook.co.uk/CoverImages/Oct2006/0B27D8F3.JPG

My girlfriend and I have been sneaking into a lot of movies lately. We also lift things from the market. Good team.

I always called sneaking into movies (pay for one, watch two) "shotgunning" movies. I have had several partners in crime on this. The way to make the crime feel victimless is to pay for the little indie movie that needs your money, and sneak into the one (or two, maybe, on a Sunday) that is a big-studio crapfest that isn't living or dying on your dollar, anyway.

I am forever trying to get my upstanding Canadian sweetheart to shotgun movies with me, to no avail.

That was the only time my parents would take us to the movie theater, if there was a second movie worth sneaking into. This is silly but OTOH they had five kids and paying for seven movie tickets on one income is no small thing.

Choosing to have five kids and one income is also kind of silly but we're all pretty cool people so it worked out.

My parents recently discovered this trick. Which is awesome. Except that they are also the old couple that talks during the film...

Now that the GF and I have "shotgunned" a few, she's obsessed with sneaking in entirely. I'm not seeing that as a worthwhile risk, but I applaud her sense of debauchery.

A lot of places started checking your tickets at the entrance to the particular theater now, instead of just the lobby.

Surely the big multiplexes can't afford enough staff to man every theater door constantly.