Correcting someone who's repeating an urban legend as something that "really happened": c or d?

Man, I'd be happy if someone said that to me. Pure comedy.

i've spent years trying to get parents and relatives to be properly afraid of the internet, to limited success.

I was at a UNC lecture the other day where they played a video of Oliver North during the Iran-Contra deals during the Reagan administration. I was only 14 back then but was surprised by this particular clip. There was Olie in front of God and Country getting the third degree. But what he said stunned me. He was being drilled by some senator I didn't recognize who asked him:

'Did you not recently spend close to $60,000 for a home security system?'

Oliver replied, 'Yes I did sir.'

The senator continued, trying to get a laugh out of the audience, 'Isn't this just a little excessive?'

'No sir,' continued Oliver.

'No. And why not?'

'Because the life of my family and I were threatened.'

'Threatened? By who.'

'By a terrorist, sir.'

'Terrorist? What terrorist could possibly scare you that much?'

'His name is Osama bin Laden.'

At this point the senator tried to repeat the name, but couldn't pronounce it, which most people back then probably couldn't. A couple of people laughed at the attempt. Then the senator continued.

'Why are you so afraid of this man?'

'Because sir, he is the most evil person alive that I know of.'

'And what do you recommend we do about him?'

'If it were me I would recommend an assassin team be formed to eliminate him and his men from the face of the earth.'

The senator disagreed with this approach and that was all they showed of the clip.

It's scary when you think 15 years ago the government was aware of Osama bin Laden and his potential threat to the security of the world. I guess like all great tyrants they start small but if left untended spread like the virus they truly are.

Verse from none other than the Koran.
Prophetic?

A verse from Muslim teachings.

Koran Chapter 9 Verse 11 -- For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

(Note the number of the section)

THE FOLLOWING LETTER WAS WRITTEN BY STEVEN SPIELBERG

Please forward if you agree...........

August 1st 2006

Dear Mr. Gibson,

I am one Jew who doesn't accept your apology today.

I don't accept it, because you have spit on the graves
of the Goldwyns, the Warners, the Mayers, the Cohns,
the Foxes, the Thalbergs, the Selznicks, the Zukors
and the thousands of other Jews both living and dead
who have made your questionable career possible.

When you do get out of "rehab" and recount your
millions, please consider how much of your fortune you
would have if you had made your true feelings known,
when you were starting out in the film industry.

You are a despicable human being, one that doesn't
even have the sense to realize that he has repeatedly
bitten the hand that fed him. Whatever you (or your
publicity agents) say today, does not even begin to
redress your long standing theories about the Jewish
people. Apparently the apple does not fall far from
the tree. If you haven't yet distanced yourself from
your father's views of the Holocaust, why should the
Jewish community meet with you, or believe anything
you have to say now.

Your words are a thinly veiled attempt to admit that
you really messed up this time, and you want to cover
yourself, so that you can continue to be adored and
further your revenue stream.

The truth is, you are an unreformed, unrepentant anti
semite of the worst kind, and your hollow outreach is
worth less than the price of your next drink, which
will surely find itself in your hands before long. I'm
buying.

Of course, if I am wrong, you could start by donating
$1,000,000 today to the State of Israel in her time of
need.

Surely that is a small public relations price to pay
for a man of your stature who "honors all of God's
children".

Steven Spielberg
New Rochelle, NY

lol

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
- John F. Kerry

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- John F. Kerry

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
- John F. Kerry

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
- John F. Kerry

"The future will be better tomorrow."
- John F. Kerry

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
- John F. Kerry

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
- John F. Kerry

"We have a firm commitment to NATO. We are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
- John F. Kerry

"Public speaking is very easy."
- John F. Kerry

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
- John F. Kerry

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- John F. Kerry

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
- John F. Kerry

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
- John F. Kerry

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- John F. Kerry

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."
- John F. Kerry

All Quayle or pseudo-Quayle, with one paraphrase of something GWB said.

Today here at the office we had a patient who came in who is a 9-1-1 operator. She said that calls are coming in like crazy over the past 2 weeks with carjackings! (right around the time we have had this influx of new residents!)

You won't hear this on the news as the media will not let this out.... But I did hear on Fox News this morning that there are 4,500 sex offenders that were let out of prison in New Orleans that have NOT re-registered! All the communities who have taken in these folks are now at risk.

The purpose of this email is to put all of you on ALERT! Lock your car doors the minute you get in. Keep your homes locked. This is not the same community we had 2 weeks ago. Hopefully things will get back to normal but be AWARE!

Please let others know about this, as I would feel horrible if something happened to one of my friends or family members and I had this! knowledge.

Be Safe!

hahaha. i love the structure of this, putting it exactly like a Paul Harvey anecdote, even with the pause. They need to work a bit on getting the sing-songy vibe in there.

I'M Paul HARvey, good DAY!

Everyone knows the 7-Eleven convenience store chain. They are EVERYWHERE, in every city and small town in the USA. In large metropolitan areas, they are sometimes only a few blocks apart. Anyone who has shopped in a 7-Eleven knows that they are owned predominantly by people of middle-eastern origin; in fact, the parent company of the franchise (7-Eleven Limited Partnership) is owned by a group with ties to Osama bin Laden.

Every single 7-Eleven store has been instructed to unleash attacks on their surrounding neighborhoods. This includes blowing up the stores themselves, possibly using 'dirty' nuclear bombs as well as conventional explosives, as well as outright assaults on the American people. This will cause a major disruption in ALL major American cities. If you live near a 7-Eleven, please be aware of this danger.

You are urged to boycott all 7-Eleven stores to keep yourself and your families safe from the terrorists.

Please pass this email on to any and every person you know, you may just save a life or two.

errrr, hang on this isn't an urban myth. it happened. shockingly the full story was simplified in the retelling, but same goes for everything.

-- and what (an...), Today 11:44 AM. (ooo) (later)

i was talking about this:

I thought I might inform the few friends I have on my recent traumatic experience. I am going to tell it straight, blunt, raw, and I don't give a damn. Long read, I know but please do read!

I went to volunteer on Saturday at the George R. Brown convention for two reasons.

A: I wanted to help people to get a warm fuzzy.
B: Curiosity.

I've been watching the news lately and have seen scenes that have made me want to vomit. And no it wasn't dead bodies, the city under water, or the sludge everywhere. It was PEOPLE'S BEHAVIOR. The people on T.V. (99% being Black) were DEMANDING help. They were not asking nicely but demanding as if society owed these people something. Well the honest truth is WE DON'T.

Help should be asked for in a kind manner and then appreciated. This is not what the press (FOX in particular) was showing, what I was seeing was a group of people who are yelling, demanding, looting, killing, raping, and SHOOTING back at the demanded help! So I'm thinking this can't possibly be true can it? So I decide to submit to the DEMAND for help out of SHOCK. I couldn't believe this to be true of the majority of the people who are the weakest of society. So I went to volunteer and help folks out and see the truth. So I will tell the following story and you decide:

I arrived at the astrodome only to find out that there are too many volunteers and that volunteers were needed at the George R. Brown Convention Center. As I was walking up to the Convention Center I noticed a line of cars that wrapped around blocks filled with donations. These were ordinary Houstonians coming with truckloads and trunks full of water, diapers, clothes, blankets, food, all types of good stuff. And lots of it was NEW. I felt that warm fuzzy while helping unload these vehicles of these wonderful human beings. I then went inside the building and noticed approximately 100,000 sq. ft. of clothes, shoes, jackets, toys and all types of goodies all organized and ready for the people in need. I signed up, received a name badge and was on my merry way excited to be useful.

I toured the place to get familiar with my surrounding; the entire place is probably around 2 million sq. ft. I noticed rows as far as the eye can see of mattresses, not cots, BLOW UP MATTRESSES! All of which had nice pillows and plenty of blankets. 2 to 3 bottles of water lay on every bed. These full size to queen size beds by the way were comfortable, I laid on one to see for myself. I went to look at the medical area. I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing! A makeshift hospital created in 24 hours! It was unbelievable, they even had a pharmacy. I also noticed that they created showers, which would also have hot water. I went upstairs to the third floor to find a HUGE cafeteria created in under 24 hours! Rows of tables, chairs and food everywhere - enough to feed an army! I'm not talking about crap food either. They had Jason's Deli food, apples, oranges, coke, diet coke, lemonade, orange juice, cookies, all types of chips and sandwiches. All the beverages by the way was put on ice and chilled! In a matter of about 24 hours or less an entire mini-city was erected by volunteers for the poor evacuees. This was not your rundown crap shelter, it was BUM HEAVEN.

So that was the layout: great food, comfy beds, clean showers, free medical help, by the way there was a library, and a theatre room I forgot to mention. Great stuff right?

Well here is what happened on my journey -

I started by handing out COLD water bottles to evacuees as they got off the bus. Many would take them and only 20% or less said thank you. Lots of them would shake their heads and ask for sodas! So this went on for about 20-30 minutes until I was sick of being an unappreciated servant. I figured certainly these folks would appreciate some food! So I went upstairs to serve these beloved evacuees some GOOD food that I wish I could have at the moment!

The following statements are graphic, truthful, and discuss UNRATIONAL behavior. Evacuees come slowly to receive this mountain of food that is worth serving to a king! I tell them that we have 2 types of great deli sandwiches to choose from - ham and turkey. Many look at the food in disgust and DEMAND burgers, pizza, and even McDonalds! Jason's deli is better than McDonalds! Only 1 out of ten people who took something would say "thank you" the rest took items as if it was their God give right to be served without a shred of appreciation! They would ask for beer and liquor.

They complained that we didn't have good enough food. They refused food and laughed at us. They treated us volunteers as if we where SLAVES. No not all of them of course... but 70% did! 20% where appreciative, 10% took the food without any comment and the other 70% had some disgusting comment to say. Some had the nerve to laugh at us. And when I snapped back at them for being mean, they would curse at me! Needless to say I was in utter shock.

They would eat their food and leave their mess on the table... some would pick up their stuff, many would leave it for the volunteers to pick up. I left that real quick to go down and help set up some more beds. I saw many young ladies carrying mattresses and I helped for a while. Then I realized something... there were hundreds of able bodied young men who could help! I asked a group of young evacuees in their teens and early twenties to help.

I got cursed at for asking them to help! One said "We just lost our ****ing homes and you want us to work!" The next said "Ya Cracker, you got a home we don't" I looked at them in disbelief. Here are women walking by carrying THEIR ****ING BEDS and they can't lift a finger and help themselves!

WHY THE **** SHOULD I HELP PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO HELP THEMESELVES!

I waved them off and turned away and was laughed at and more "white boy jokes" where made at me. I felt no need to waste my breath on a bunch of pitiful losers. I went to a nearby restroom where I noticed a man shaving.

I used the restroom, washed my hands and saw this man throw his razor towards the trash can... he missed... he walked out leaving his disgusting razor on the floor for some other "cracker" to pick up. Even the little kids were demanding. I saw only ONE white family and only TWO Hispanic families.

The rest where blacks...sorry 20% to 30% decent blacks... and 70% LOSERS! I would call them ******S, but the actual definition of a ****** is one who is ignorant, these people were not ignorant......they were ARROGANT S. The majority of which are thugs and lifetime lazy ass welfare recipients. We are inviting the lowest of the low to Houston. And like idiots we are serving the people who will soon steal our cars, rape, murder, and destroy our city while stealing from our pockets on a daily basis through the welfare checks they take. We will fund our own destruction.

By "US" I don't mean a specific race, I mean the people who work hard, work smart, have values and morals. Only people who want to help themselves should be helped, the others should be allowed to destroy themselves. I do not want to work hard, give the government close to half the money I earn so they can in turn give it to a bunch of losers.

I don't believe in being poor for life. My family immigrated here, we came here poor, and now thank God, and due to HARD WORK we are doing fine. If immigrants, who come here, don't know the language can work and become successful... WHY THE **** CAN'T THE MAJORITY OF THE HOMEGROWN DO IT!

If we continue to reward these losers then we will soon destroy our great country. I just witnessed selfish, arrogant, unappreciative behavior by the very people who need help the most. Now these same people who cursed me, refused my cities generosity, who refuse to help themselves are DEMANDING handouts on their own terms! They prance around as if they are owed something, and when they do receive a handout, they say it's not good enough! Well you know what......these types of people can go to hell for all I care!

http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/0767824954.01._SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_V58769372_.jpg

xpost

oh yeah, you debunkers are always on the case of that heroic little dog.

They all sit at a large round table behind me and begin to talk very loudly about US atrocities in Afghanistan. One of the "Professors" stands up and gives a brief talk about how the "US is famous for atrocities" and Afghanistan will be no different. One of the students asked a question about Viet Nam POW's. The "Professor" makes a comment about how that was only US propaganda about poor treatment of POW's.

OK - I'm really mad now and I jump up and go over to their table. (In retrospect - Over the entrance to the Restaurant is a huge American Flag. On each table is an American Flag and a small hand painted sign "United We Stand"). I excuse myself and ask the Professor if I can ask him a question. He says yes. I said that he appears to be of age to have served in Viet Nam, and asked him if he had served. His answer was, "NO - I defended this Campus and told the truth to the students. I then asked if he remembered what he was doing on February 16, 1969. When he answered, "Of course not - that was too long ago," I responded, "Really, I remember what I was doing. That was the second day of my capture and I had been standing in a bamboo cage for 24 hours with water up to my chest". I then said "Sir, your comments about how POW's in Nam were treated are a lie and I personally say to you, you are a ******* liar, as you never were there. I was a POW and they did not treat our POWs humanly. The only other person I have ever heard make the statements like you have is Jane Fonda. Is she telling the truth and not me?" He stood up and after about 10 seconds said, "Jane is a great patriot and I cannot visualize her lying." With that, I reached over and grabbed the small American Flag and United We Stand sign and said, "I'm taking this back to my table where it can be appreciated".

No one said a word to me as I started to walk back. However after a few seconds, people started standing up and applauding all around the restaurant. Two men got up from a table across the room and walked over to me. The first identified himself as former US Marine Lieutenant Flynn and the other man was former Gunnery Sergeant Graboski. In a loud voice after introducing themselves, Lt. Flynn said they were former Marine Guards at a US Embassy. He then said, "We are over at this table to defend the US Flag from all foes, both foreign and domestic." They then sat down and asked their Waitress to bring their meals over to my table. A few more minutes went by with loud comments from the "Anti-War" table. All of a sudden, "Gunny" Sergeant Graboski stood up and in a loud voice said "All of you heard what the President said the other night. You are either with the United States or you are with the terrorists." He then said, "Please stand and join me in God Bless America."

As he started singing, people all around the restaurant stood up and joined in. Several of the students at the "Anti-War" table also stood up half way through the song and joined in. Both Professors and the majority of the students remained seated and refused to sing. At the end there was a great ovation.

The manager came up to my table. (He and his staff came out from the kitchen and sang). He thanked me for what I started and then went over to the Anti-War table and asked them to leave. "I will pay for what you have had so far but I cannot in good conscience serve you - get out now!!"

One of the Professors then made a remark "Well, we are not going to pay one dime for how shabbily we have been treated." As they were leaving, one customer stood up and said, "Manager, here is $5 towards their bill, anyone else willing to chip in to get this scum out of here?" All over the restaurant, people stood up reaching for their wallet and saying, "I'll chip in" The Manager, in tears said, "My family is from Poland, I am now a citizen and am so proud of what I see tonight." He started crying and a couple of the waitresses helped him into the kitchen.

The two Marines and I were there for about another 20 minutes and finished our meal. The Hostess came up and showed us more than $100 dollars that all the other tables had told their Waitresses to give towards our bill. I thanked her but said I could not take the money. Lt Flynn suggested donating it in the Restaurant's name to the New York Relief Fund, so I guess that's what will happen. I just can't believe how Americans are coming together now.

Just thought you would like to hear how the rest of the country is reacting to what happened!!!

well, i was amused. I'm still trying to find that book, tho.

September 11th, a Budweiser employee was making a delivery to a convenience store in a town called McFarland. He knew of the tragedy that had occurred in New York. He entered the business to find two Arabs whooping and hollering and really cheering it up. It was obvious they were elated with what had happened earlier. The Budweiser employee went to his truck, called his boss and told him of the very upsetting event. He didn't feel he could be in that store with those horrible people. His boss told him, "Do you think you could go in there long enough to pull every Budweiser product and item our beverage company sells there? We'll never deliver to them again."

The employee walked in, proceeded to pull every single product his beverage company provided and left with an incredible grin on his face. He told them never to bother and call for a delivery again.

Budweiser happens to be the beer of choice for that community. Just letting you all know how Kern County handles this situation!! [And now the rest of the story: It seems that the Bud driver and the Pepsi man are neighbors. Bud driver called Pepsi driver and told him. Pepsi called his boss who told him to pull all Pepsi products as well!! That would include Frito Lay, etc. Furthermore, word spread and all vendors followed suit! At last report, the store was closed indefinitely. Good old American Passive-Aggressive Butt-Whoopin'!]

Pass this along. America needs to know that we're all working together.

Yes, my dear friend, we are living in the end times. How glorious to know that our new president is a man that doesn't feel the political pressure to glad-hand 1000 people, but would take 30 minutes of his precious time to lead a teenager to Christ.

Ditto captain pugwash, I felt like such a tool when I found out that wasn't true :(

-- and what (an...), September 26th, 2006.

are these the guys who hide under a car in New Orleans and slash your tendons as you walk past? I was sceptical of these guys, until I experienced a guy ineffectually trying the other great New Orleans KFR ("Hey Mister, I bet you got your shoes on your feet - no wait come back I said it wrong").

Substitute "guys" for "gang member", "New Orleans" for "Bristol" and "walk past" for "fill your car up with petrol", and yes.

I'm a hard-core reply to all with the snopes link person. I can't stand it when people refuse to demonstrate even the slightest bit of critical thinking skills.

he woke up in a bath that was filled with crushed ice, and his kidneys had been removed

No, I didn't even bother!

forward them to me and i'll, uh, "take care of them".

yeah, i've found cold tea that wasn't there before which was kind of a let down because i like a warm beverage after rubbing one out.

xpost

She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police.

When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing.

The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace. If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened:

Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion.

The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub. The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's cunt when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect pH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.

Me: A friend, huh?

I had successfully forgotten all about the lobster dildo story until now

urgh

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The police think this is the same man who raped a woman last weekend, (school teacher 2 months away from retirement)

if only she'd been retired she wouldn't have been raped!

http://www.lethaldeath.com/Crimson/Images/ResidentDVDvil/Golden%20Girls%20Season%203.jpg

http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/B0006A9GRC.01._SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_V1101278027_.jpg

i thought you were joking....

ugggghhhhhhh.....

i saw some tourists fall for that one on decatur street a couple weeks ago.

Someone, please disabuse me of this now, the paranoia isn't healthy (or probably correct). What genuinely terrifies me is how insightful, intellectual and clear this dude was with his thinking on all other matters we discussed (and there were many).

C'mon, I want an irrefutable 'Why London won't be nuked' argument, preferably from as many of you as possible, all declaring me a silly, naive little twit who should grow up and just get on with life. As I should.

:(

(He also predicted that there would be either an assassination attempt on the Pope within the next two weeks, or a suicide bomb amidst the packed masses in St. Peter's Square. This I'd say is a more sensible call.)

-- You've Got Scourage On Your Breath (papiermachealamphibia...), September 26th, 2006.

who saw nip/tuck last night?

I heard that on Newman and Baddiel in the early 90s, not sure if they nabbed it from somewhere.

McDonalds Playground

Some of you might not be parents, but you may have nieces, nephews, grandchildren or friends with children this will pertain to you too. As I read the following, my heart sank. I urge each and every one of you to pass this on to as many people as you can. I cannot stress how important this is! This is very disturbing news. In addition to the following true story, I will also add that my own sons were playing in the ball pit at Discovery Zone one day. One son lost his watch, and was very upset. We dug and dug in those balls, trying to find the watch. Instead, we found vomit, food, faeces, and other stuff I do not want to discuss. I went to the manager and raised heck. Came to find out, the ball pit is only cleaned out once a month. I have doubts that it is even done that often. My kids will never play in another ball pit. Now read this

Hi, My name is Lauren Archer, my son Kevin and I lived in Sugarland, TX. On October 2nd, 1994 I took my only son to McDonald's for his 3rd birthday.

After he finished lunch, I allowed him to play in the ball pit. When he started whining later on, I asked him what was wrong, he pointed to the back of his pull-up and simply said "Mommy, it hurts." But I couldn't find anything wrong with him at that time. I bathed him when we got home, and it was at that point when I found a welt on his left buttock. Upon investigating, it seemed as if there was something like a splinter under the welt. I made an appointment to have it taken out the next day, but soon he started vomiting and shaking, then his eyes rolled back into his head.

From there, we went to the emergency room. He died later that night. It turned out that the welt on his buttock was the tip of a hypodermic needle that had broken off inside. The autopsy revealed that Kevin had died from heroine overdose. The next week, the police removed the balls from the ball pit and lo and behold. There was rotten food, several hypodermic needles: some full; some used; knives, half-eaten candy, diapers, feces, and the stench of urine. If a child is not safe in a child's play area then where? You can find the article on Kevin Archer in the October 10, 1994 issue of the Houston Chronicle. Please forward this to all loving mothers!

And her message to me reads: "I know you're going to tell me you've seen this before and that it is a hoax - but with all the crazies about these days, I truly believe it."

Whoever taught my mom how to use the internet needs a swift kick in the pants.

This is hilarious though: At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole.

She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard.

Whoever wrote this seems to think we wee out of our vaginas.

UH.

Are you saying there is some kind of problem associated with that?

Worst koan ever.

i did this once. it was pretty much the final nail in the coffin of an unrewarding acquaintanceship. i'd heartily recommend it.

THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A MOMENT

The Mining Journal News, Marquette, Mi.

This text is from a county emergency manager out in the western part of Michigan state after a snow storm last winter.

WEATHER BULLETIN

Up here in the Northern Plains we just recovered from a Historic event--- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to 10's of thousands.

FYI:

George Bush did not come.

FEMA did nothing.

No one howled for the government.

No one blamed the government.

No one even uttered an expletive on TV.

Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton did not visit.

Our Mayor's did not blame Bush or anyone else.

Our Governor did not blame Bush or anyone else either

CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX, or NBC did not visit - or report on this category 5 snow storm nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.

No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House.

No one looted.

Nobody - I mean Nobody demanded the government do something.
Nobody expected the government to do anything either.

No Larry King, No Bill O'Rielly, No Oprah, No Chris Mathews and No Geraldo Rivera.

No Shaun Penn, No Barbara Striesand, No Hollywood types to be found.

Nope, we just melted the snow for water.

Sent out caravans of SUV's to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars.

The truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn't ask for a penny.

Local restaurants made food, and the police and fire departments delivered it to the snow bound families..

Families took in the stranded people - total strangers.

We Fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns.

We put on an extra layers of clothes because up here it is "Work or Die".

We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for 'sittin at home' checks.

Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early, we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves.
"In my many travels, I have noticed that once one gets north of about 48 degrees North Latitude, 90% of the world's social problems evaporate."

It does seem that way, at least to me.

I hope this gets passed on..

Maybe . SOME people will get the message .. The world does Not owe you a living!!!

> The Plan!
>
> You gotta love Robin Williams......
> Even if he ' s nuts! Leave it to Robin
> Williams to come up with the perfect
> plan. What we need now is for our
> UN Ambassador to stand up and
> repeat this message.
>
> Robin Williams ' plan...(Hard to
> argue with this logic!)
>
> "I see a lot of people yelling for peace
> but I have not heard of a plan for
> peace. So, here ' s one plan."
>
> 1) "The US will apologize to the world for our
> "interference" in their
> affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler,
> Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo,
> Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those
> "good ole boys", we
> will never "interfere" again..
>
> 2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the
> world, starting with
> Germany , South Korea , the Middle East, and the
> Philippines . They don
> ' t want us there. We would station troops at our
> borders. No one
> allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.
>
> 3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their
> affairs together and
> leave.We ' ll give them a free trip home. After 90
> days the remainder
> will be gathered up and deported immediately,
> regardless of whom or
> where they are. They ' re illegal!!! France will
> welcome them.
>
> 4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked
> and limited to 90 days
> unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a
> terrorist nation will be
> allowed in. If you don ' t like it there, change it
> yourself and don ' t
> hide here.. Asylum would never be available to
> anyone. We don ' t need
> any more cab drivers
> or 7-11 cashiers.
>
> 5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones
> are the bombers. If
> they don ' t attend classes, they get a "D" and it '
> s back home baby.
>
> 6) The US will make a strong effort
> to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will
> include developing
> nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a
> temporary drilling of
> oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have
> to cope for a
> while.
>
> 7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing
> countries $10 a barrel for
> their oil. If they don ' t like it, we go someplace
> else(like Canada !
> or Oklahoma !). They can go somewhere else to sell
> their production.
> (About a week of the wells filling up the storage
> sites would be
> enough.)
>
> 8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe
> in the world, we
> will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or
> whomever, for seeds,
> rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of
> what we give them is
> stolen or given
> to the army. The people who need it most get very
> little, if anything.
>
> 9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island
> someplace. We don ' t
> need the spies and fair weather friends here.
> Besides, the building
> would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for
> illegal aliens.
>
> 10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty
> school. That way , no one
> can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The
> Language we speak is
> ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn ' t that a
> winner of a plan?
>
> "The Statue of Liberty is no longer
> saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled
> masses." She ' s got
> a baseball bat and she ' s yelling, ' you want a
> piece of me? ' "
>
> If you agree with the above forward it to friends..
> .If not, and I would be amazed, DELETE it!!

(or howabout just do "Strikethru") xpost

Funny that.

wait, is this true?? I gotta start watching this show.

they've got a point there

so do 90% of the people

Our house was burgled in June, the year before our donkey was stolen, and now this.

the question is, why do they catch on? how do they gain purchase and why do people forward them on?

because an awful lot of people are really, really, really fucking stupid?

"Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don ' t need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens."

Yellow #5 decreases sperm count!

best urban legend is the blowjob gone awry because of braces and pubes

nah its the dog head party surprise

doing this nowadays gets you attacked as if you want the megacool story that didn't really happen to not be true or something or that you made it false with your correction.

so....dudsic?

My brother swears the Dock Ellis LSD no-hitter story was made up and it's such a wet blanket sentiment

_I experienced a guy ineffectually trying the other great New Orleans KFR ("Hey Mister, I bet you got your shoes on your feet - no wait come back I said it wrong").

a friend of mine keeps telling people that Lucy Lawless is the daughter of Blackie Lawless and I didn't correct him the first time because I figured this was a one time story he would tell, only now he keeps repeating it, so now me telling him is going to make it look like I was laughing at him by letting him tell it the whole time.

it is kind of funny to me though in that he's only 12 years older than her and she grew up in an entirely different country. not to mention his real name is Steven Duren.