Sex vs. cuddling

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I say cuddling, with sex as a close second. I think I miss cuddling more than sex when I'm not in an intimate relationship.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 26 March 2006 12:27 (twenty years ago)

OTM

― Mitya (mitya), Sunday, 26 March 2006 12:33 (twenty years ago)

Duh.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Sunday, 26 March 2006 12:35 (twenty years ago)

Hey, do both!

― mark grout (mark grout), Sunday, 26 March 2006 13:13 (twenty years ago)

"have your cock and eat it too"

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 26 March 2006 17:42 (twenty years ago)

Kissing and cuddling and holding hands vs. ejaculating deep into your partner's rectum whilst they are gagged and bound: FITE!
It's a toss up.

― David Orton (scarlet), Sunday, 26 March 2006 17:54 (twenty years ago)

one word: ew.

― Gilbert O'Sullivan (kenan), Sunday, 26 March 2006 17:59 (twenty years ago)

The talk
The sex
Somebody to trust
The Audi TT
The house on the Vineyard
The house on the gulf coast
These are the things I miss the most

― Gilbert O'Sullivan (kenan), Sunday, 26 March 2006 18:01 (twenty years ago)

sex takes too much work sometimes. cuddling is a pretty lazy pleasure. ergo, cuddling is better.

― ryan (ryan), Sunday, 26 March 2006 18:01 (twenty years ago)

This is a false dichotomy; both cuddling and lots of messy sex are essential. One without the other is completely unacceptable.

I hear that white guys with guitars prefer cuddling and that some even have Tshirts that say so. I love cuddling, but don't think I am not about to accept the label of "cuddler" any more than I would drink chamomile tea in public.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Sunday, 26 March 2006 18:50 (twenty years ago)

Now a long steamy tonguey slobbery kiss, that might beat stand a chance at challenging cuddling and sex....

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Sunday, 26 March 2006 18:52 (twenty years ago)

I agree with the first post.

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 26 March 2006 18:54 (twenty years ago)

I agree that cuddling is what I miss out on while not in a relationship. You can get sex anytime, but cuddling is not as easy. Though of course the average casual pick-up sex is usually pretty second rate.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Sunday, 26 March 2006 19:04 (twenty years ago)

I've had some pretty bittersweet one-night cuddling stands.

― Abbott (Abbott), Sunday, 26 March 2006 22:41 (twenty years ago)

both

― Yoo Doo Nut (donut), Sunday, 26 March 2006 23:23 (twenty years ago)

christ

― sunny successor (katharine), Sunday, 26 March 2006 23:45 (twenty years ago)

this is just me, but the two were just meant to be done together imho... not necessarily ALL the time, but I mean, sex with zero body contact occasionally can be hot, but hearing people saying "sex is so easy to get, but cuddling is not" kinda disturbs me. This isn't a "PLUR" type thing I'm talking about.. it's just physical primal common sense. I couldn't sustain a physical relationship with anyone who didn't want to be cuddled at least in private. (publicly, whatever, I don't require PDA)

― Yoo Doo Nut (donut), Monday, 27 March 2006 00:12 (twenty years ago)

Yeh I agree. Again, I don't get the either/or set up of this question.

Even when you hook up there's usually some cuddling, but it's really not the same. It's abbreviated and sort of meh.

christ

that was my initial reaction to this post.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Monday, 27 March 2006 05:04 (twenty years ago)

"sex with zero body contact"?????

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 27 March 2006 05:30 (twenty years ago)

cybersex maybe. although i've never grasped the concept of that either.

― gem (trisk), Monday, 27 March 2006 05:34 (twenty years ago)

Donut's coming to Sydney to check out the glory holes.

― kit brash (kit brash), Monday, 27 March 2006 06:25 (twenty years ago)

Being touched by another person is satifying by itself. Especially if they're scratching your back.

Back scratches >> cuddling >> sex

― Gilbert O'Sullivan (kenan), Monday, 27 March 2006 06:33 (twenty years ago)

http://www.inaddition.com.au/images/Orgasmatron_Product.gif >> sex

― phil-two (phil-two), Monday, 27 March 2006 06:41 (twenty years ago)

What's in a kiss, our Gilbert?

(Were you in Wire?)

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 27 March 2006 06:55 (twenty years ago)

What's in a kiss, our Gilbert?

Kissing is roughly equal to sex. It's all about slippery things and exchanging fluids.

― Gilbert O'Sullivan (kenan), Monday, 27 March 2006 06:58 (twenty years ago)

Is it more than just one moment of bliss?

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 27 March 2006 07:18 (twenty years ago)

Or is it a case of underneath the blanket, go?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 27 March 2006 07:49 (twenty years ago)

Donut's coming to Sydney to check out the glory holes.

glory ho's!

I'm with Trayce on the "zero body contact?!!" outrage, mostly... (what I meant in that context was just the unzip-and-have-at-it thing, which is not standard gettin'-down protocol, but not unheard of.)

― Yoo Doo Nut (donut), Monday, 27 March 2006 08:56 (twenty years ago)

Told you once before, and I won't tell you no more, get down, get down, GET DOWN!

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 27 March 2006 09:05 (twenty years ago)

Yoo Doo Nut is otm many times.

― josh in sf (stfu kthx), Monday, 27 March 2006 09:09 (twenty years ago)

tuomas do you have sex without cuddling?

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 27 March 2006 09:16 (twenty years ago)

xxxxpost with the zero body contact thing i suppose

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 27 March 2006 09:17 (twenty years ago)

i keep reading the thread title as 'sex vs. cudding' and wondering if this is some weird chewing fetish

― gem (trisk), Monday, 27 March 2006 09:26 (twenty years ago)

tuomas do you have sex without cuddling?

No, but I have cuddling without sex, which is quite pleasurable in itself. That's why I don't think the two always go hand in hand, though they often do. Like Abbott, I've had one night cuddling-stands too.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 27 March 2006 09:58 (twenty years ago)

Anyway, even if they'd always go in hand in hand, surely I can ask which part you like the most?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 27 March 2006 09:59 (twenty years ago)

They're both rubbish.

― Did I Mention My PAISLEY SOCKS? (kate), Monday, 27 March 2006 10:14 (twenty years ago)

whatever

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Monday, 27 March 2006 10:18 (twenty years ago)

they both rock! why do we have to choose...

― gem (trisk), Monday, 27 March 2006 10:43 (twenty years ago)

i think it depends on your definition like you know if you define sex as just the bit where you stick your dick in then you have a distinction. but if you think of it as the whole deal like that usually includes cuddling and like snogging and stuff then one if a superset of another and so you know unless you actually think the dick bit is detrimental to the whole thing, then it's hard to sort of do a vs. bit. it's like "£1000 vs £1000 + a new car"

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 27 March 2006 10:50 (twenty years ago)

You can have sex with almost anyone and it be pretty good, but cuddling someone you don't like very much is no fun. Plus I'm lazy, so cuddling is good. I haven't properly done it in a while; I miss it.

― Ally C (Ally C), Monday, 27 March 2006 11:42 (twenty years ago)

Hahaha "hate cuddle"!

― Dan (Ally C Is A Modern Genius) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 March 2006 12:32 (twenty years ago)

grudge cuddle

― RoxyMuzak© (roxymuzak), Monday, 27 March 2006 13:34 (twenty years ago)

or "gruddle"

― RoxyMuzak© (roxymuzak), Monday, 27 March 2006 13:34 (twenty years ago)

the orgasmotron gets tangled in my hair and is a painful experience for me.

― Ed (dali), Monday, 27 March 2006 13:37 (twenty years ago)

This is a false dichotomy.

I'm with The Duder.

― Nutsy the Squirrel (pullapartgirl), Monday, 27 March 2006 15:32 (twenty years ago)

I thought that was a joke.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Monday, 27 March 2006 15:41 (twenty years ago)

donut YOU HAVE MET ME BEFORE, SO YOU MUST KNOW "TRAYCE" and "TRACER HAND" ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. JESUS.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 27 March 2006 15:47 (twenty years ago)

Cuddling quite often leads to sex. Sex usually ends with cuddling.

Also, why am I recently running into men who think it's cool to act wimpy and cuddly? Is it an emo thing? I think it's an emo thing.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Monday, 27 March 2006 15:47 (twenty years ago)

I don't give a shit about being cool and I don't much like the term "wimpy".

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 27 March 2006 15:53 (twenty years ago)

Cuddling quite often leads to sex. Sex usually ends with cuddling.

Holy shit, I was thinking the same thing.

Cuddling is a pretty intimate thing. I'm not apt to cuddle with someone I wouldn't have sex with. Both are lovely ways to spend time and I'm a huge proponent of both as a hobby.

I think preferring one to the exclusion of the other might represent a certain discomfort with the the particular form of intimacy represented by the shunned activity. I don't think preferring cuddling to the exclusion of sex makes someone a wimp, but I would wonder what that person's issue with sexual intimacy is. Just as only wanting to fuck without any cuddling would suggest to me that person has another form of intimacy issue.

― Nutsy the Squirrel (pullapartgirl), Monday, 27 March 2006 16:13 (twenty years ago)

I wasn't referring to cuddling as a wimpy activity. What I was saying is that suddenly I am aware of a whole set of dudes who revel in being effete.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Monday, 27 March 2006 21:10 (twenty years ago)

As is often the case with dichtomous questions about preferences, the very premise of the question is false to me. A life of plentiful sex without any cuddling sounds as futile as a life of plentiful cuddling without any sex.

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 27 March 2006 21:18 (twenty years ago)

Precisely. I think that Jenny's response addresses this--if someone is inclined to put so much emphasis on cuddle vs. sex, it sounds like that person has an uneasy relationship with it. And the other way around too.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Monday, 27 March 2006 21:31 (twenty years ago)

donut YOU HAVE MET ME BEFORE, SO YOU MUST KNOW "TRAYCE" and "TRACER HAND" ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. JESUS.

Um, I know that, Tracer. It was late, and I saw a different name, and my eyes were strained (as usual.) It's not as if I'd be surprised if either of you made the comment, really. Not exactly sure why you're upset about that. Sorry. *backs off very slowly*

― Yoo Doo Nut (donut), Monday, 27 March 2006 21:45 (twenty years ago)

I mean, I can't imagine either of the Neds freaking out if one was confused for the other.

Anyway...

― Yoo Doo Nut (donut), Monday, 27 March 2006 21:47 (twenty years ago)

It would be an honour.

― Ned T.Rifle (nedtrifle), Monday, 27 March 2006 21:51 (twenty years ago)

I've been a jerk about cuddling lately, mostly because my girlfriend wakes up almost two hours before I do (WHERE IS THE JUSTICE) and thinks that it'd be fun to bother me with cuddling when I obviously need my damn sleep. Cuddling in general: good. Cuddling before sleep: good. Cuddling right after waking up: great. Waking me up with cuddling when I am cranky: risking death.

― mike"I'm no one's cuddle, bitch!" h. (mike h.), Monday, 27 March 2006 21:52 (twenty years ago)

I'm a cuddle buddy.

― Ned T.Rifle (nedtrifle), Monday, 27 March 2006 21:54 (twenty years ago)

No prob Yo Do! I'm not upset! That was comedy screaming. It just seems to happen a lot w/me and Trayce is all.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 27 March 2006 21:55 (twenty years ago)

Admittedly, Kit's comment right after made me think it was someone from Australia bouncing a comment from a fellow Aussie, so that may have been part of it too. Anyway, I never noticed people confusing you two's handles.

Of course, this only means one of you is going to have to change your name! DUAL!

― Yoo Doo Nut (donut), Monday, 27 March 2006 22:01 (twenty years ago)

I think you too should cuddle and make up.

― Ned T.Rifle (nedtrifle), Monday, 27 March 2006 22:08 (twenty years ago)

What I was saying is that suddenly I am aware of a whole set of dudes who revel in being effete.

Self-indulgant and decadent?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 March 2006 22:15 (twenty years ago)

xpost - that should have been "you two"...

damn - i thought my 'cuddle buddy' crack was a good one...

And I really am too. And it's quite intense I can tell ya.

― Ned T.Rifle (nedtrifle), Monday, 27 March 2006 22:57 (twenty years ago)

Cuddling = necessary, with or w/o sex. In periods of my life in which no one touches me, I start to feel...insubstantial. Immaterial. It sucks. But fortunately one can cuddle with people one wouldn't seduce, which in my case includes girls. Hence the girlpile.

The other...it's a mess. Look, going without either one can fuck you up, if you don't hold on to your equilibrium and/or be quite settled in your reasons. So why choose? If you even have the option of either/both, you're already rich in possibilities!

― Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 27 March 2006 23:08 (twenty years ago)

sex is stressful, cuddling is comfortable.

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Monday, 27 March 2006 23:37 (twenty years ago)

sex is stressful, cuddling is comfortable.

it sounds like that person has an uneasy relationship with sex

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Monday, 27 March 2006 23:42 (twenty years ago)

the more cold, robotic and unfeeling the better! i'm intrigued by this no-contact sex thing!

― geeta (geeta), Monday, 27 March 2006 23:48 (twenty years ago)

ok thank god it's not just me.

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Monday, 27 March 2006 23:49 (twenty years ago)

Well, I dunno. Two people who want to cuddle with one another pretty much just have to cuddle with each other and it works. But even if two people want to have sex with each other, it requires a lot of effort and work and even when both people are making a best faith effort, it can be deeply unsatisfying and even upsetting. That's not really an "uneasy relationship".

Maybe sex isn't stressful if you don't care whether either person has a good time or not, though.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 March 2006 23:51 (twenty years ago)

That was an xpost to Duder there.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 March 2006 23:51 (twenty years ago)

Sex vs. cuddling (69 new answers, last at 11:51 am)

― Andrew (enneff), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 00:10 (twenty years ago)

my girlfriend wakes up almost two hours before I do...and thinks that it'd be fun to bother me with cuddling when I obviously need my damn sleep.

Ugh, death and dismemberment to such girlfriends. But that's easy for me to say, since I sleep so soundly that my wife claims to snuggle up to me for warmth every night when she comes to bed and I never stir.

― pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 00:15 (twenty years ago)

It would be an honour.

Likewise. (The subject matter of the thread itself baffles me; it's an opposition I wouldn't have dreamt of in a million years.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 00:18 (twenty years ago)

I'm trying to recall situations in which sex has been deeply unsatisfying or upsetting for me. Having failed that, I am trying to imagine situations in which it could be--those being when someone violates another person or if the person who is upset has issues with sex anyway.

I don't think it is normal for sex to be stressful or upsetting (any more than other human interactions, all of which have potential for being stressful) unless you are coming from a point where you don't feel at ease with it.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 00:18 (twenty years ago)

i like to think that Daddy's Little Duder and Strongo Hulkington are the same person

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 00:23 (twenty years ago)

That... would be weird.

I'm glad Duder has never had unsatisfying sex! Usually when it's happened with me it's come from going with someone who has very different expectations of what will happen than you do. One person wants something very rough and sweaty and another person wants something light and affectionate. Or, perhaps, both were tops, or both were bottoms, and it's like, well, that's just not what I was hoping for at all. Or, "oh, I didn't think your dick was going to be that small and that you'd be so ticklish I had to be super careful in touching you and oh, that's a really awesome strangled-piglet noise you're making, and, you know what? Let's never ever do this again."

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 00:33 (twenty years ago)

I'm glad Duder has never had unsatisfying sex!

I said DEEPLY disappointing, quoting you, douche.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 00:50 (twenty years ago)

I have, however, had many other DEEPLY disappointing interactions with people.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 00:53 (twenty years ago)

Fine, "deeply" disappointing. You have lucked out, and I am happy for you.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 01:22 (twenty years ago)

donut YOU HAVE MET ME BEFORE, SO YOU MUST KNOW "TRAYCE" and "TRACER HAND" ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. JESUS.

I always get you two confused...

― My Psychic Friends Are Strangely Silent (Ex Leon), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 01:24 (twenty years ago)

I have a "happy guy" puppet in my office that was given to me at the work christmas party by my secret santa. It lives here because I don't know what else to do with it. I have affixed two pinback buttons to the center of said puppet's chest and they read as such:
"I'M A CUDDLER"
"TOP"
It's a conversation starter

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 01:31 (twenty years ago)

how does the conversation end?

― estela (estela), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 02:40 (twenty years ago)

http://www.temporaryresidence.com/images/bands/cex.jpg

vs.

http://www.sud-sante.org/IMG/png/logo_accueil_grand.png http://www.filmfanzine.com/data/images/bai%20ling.jpg

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 04:33 (twenty years ago)

Fine, "deeply" disappointing.

I think what Duder is getting at is that deeply disappointing is relative, and in the eye of the beholder, and etc. And your language does betray if not an outright uncomfortableness with sex, at least inflated expectations of it. You can't be deeply disappointed if you aren't deeply invested. There's nothing wrong with deeply invested, but if you do it every time you have sex, of course you're going to be disappointed.

Sometimes a cigar is just a dick, dude.

― Gilbert O'Sullivan (kenan), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 04:39 (twenty years ago)

ned, surely you mean

http://www.williampotter.com/Cudsite/Images/cudlogo.jpg http://www.filmfanzine.com/data/images/bai%20ling.jpg

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 04:52 (twenty years ago)

K., did you somehow get the impression that every time I've had sex it was a deep disappointment?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 05:21 (twenty years ago)

Because the number of "deeply disappointing" times I've had sex is somewhere in the single digits. Out of the, you know, thousands of times I've had sex.

Cuddling with someone I wanted to cuddle with has never been dissatisfying, nor has it generally required much effort, especially considering its rewards. Even cuddling after "deeply disappointing" sex!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 05:24 (twenty years ago)

ned, surely you mean

Nope. Spelling is important here.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 05:25 (twenty years ago)

I'm not trying to accuse of not having had enough sex, Chris. This is what I don't get:

"even if two people want to have sex with each other, it requires a lot of effort and work"

It does? In my experience, if two people want to have sex with each other, they generally do.

"and even when both people are making a best faith effort, it can be deeply unsatisfying and even upsetting."

I know what you mean, kinda, because I have had bad sex. But it's not the end of the world. And I wouldn't describe it as "upsetting." "Disappointing" is a lot closer to the merk.

― Gilbert O'Sullivan (kenan), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 05:54 (twenty years ago)

"even if two people want to have sex with each other, it requires a lot of effort and work"

It does? In my experience, if two people want to have sex with each other, they generally do.

That's not the part I'm talking about. I'm talking about the part once you're having sex, where you expend ingenuity and calories trying to please both yourself and your partner(s).

I know what you mean, kinda, because I have had bad sex. But it's not the end of the world. And I wouldn't describe it as "upsetting." "Disappointing" is a lot closer to the merk.

Wait, what's the difference between the two? When I'm disappointed by something, I usually feel upset about it.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 06:17 (twenty years ago)

That's not the part I'm talking about. I'm talking about the part once you're having sex, where you expend ingenuity and calories trying to please both yourself and your partner(s).

Sure it requires work and risk and possibility of dissapointment! And if you're not willing to put forth the effort and wish to just cuddle, it's fine, but don't try to pretend that it's not because you're transcending some base need, as it comes across. It seems pretty obvious that it's because you have some issues with fucking.

K: I know what you mean, kinda, because I have had bad sex. But it's not the end of the world. And I wouldn't describe it as "upsetting." "Disappointing" is a lot closer to the merk.

C: Wait, what's the difference between the two? When I'm disappointed by something, I usually feel upset about it.

Don't play dumb, I think you can figure out the difference between disappointing and upsetting and "deeply disappointing."

I have had sex that hasn't been quite what I wanted, but a bad hour of sex is better than a good day of golf, as they say.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 07:04 (twenty years ago)

Thousands of times!

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 07:08 (twenty years ago)

I like what Ian said.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 07:08 (twenty years ago)

don't try to pretend that it's not because you're transcending some base need, as it comes across. It seems pretty obvious that it's because you have some issues with fucking.

My "issues with fucking" are only with people who assume that everyone -- everyone -- thinks fucking is teh greatest thing ever and those who feel differently have "issues" or "unhealthy attitudes" or whatever.

That is completely obnoxious. People are not quite as cookie-cutter as that.

I don't think I have much in the way of "issues" with sex. It's not as if I get paralyzed, or can't perform, or feel uptight about having sex. It's just that I don't like it that much, and certainly not as much as you might.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 07:15 (twenty years ago)

Cuddle Parties -- a safe and fun way to meet new friends

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2006-03-21, 7:10PM PST

Hi,

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― gear (gear), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 07:23 (twenty years ago)

I totally agree with Chris. While I generally like sex, sometimes it can be difficult or demanding or I'm just not up for it, and compared to sex cuddling is much easier. But regardless of that, I don't think I have any "issues with fucking". It isn't necessarliy the number thing in my intimate relationships, and to think that there's something wrong with me because of that just proves how sex-centric some people are. I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring sex in general, but you shouldn't use your preferences as a measuring stick to judge other people.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 08:37 (twenty years ago)

So is it only me who's ever had some pretty unsatisfying cuddles?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 10:11 (twenty years ago)

There's something not-the-same-as-but-similar-to sex that I can do on my own when I'm not getting regular sex to (kind of) make up for that fact. There's nothing I can do on my own when i'm not getting any cuddles though, to make up for that.

also, this thread is really making me want a cuddle, and isn't really making me want to have sex.

So I think those two things mean I'm on the side of the cuddlers, cos cuddles are what I miss more.

This doesn't mean I think I'd be happy to give up sex forever, if I got a life of endless cuddles. But I don't see why the question needs to be that black and white. Seems like lots of people are insisting on interpreting a "which do you prefer?" question as a "choose only one of these two options" question.

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 12:09 (twenty years ago)

I think the first time I ever cuddled someone in a "I could and probably will also have sex with you" kind of way it was a totally amazing experience, but that's lessened over time, although I'm sure if I got into a different relationship there would be a temporary spike in the thrill factor. Now it's a comforting and familiar exercise but not one to which i actually attach too much emotional importance.

Sex is much more reliably interesting.

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 13:17 (twenty years ago)

get one cuddly toy jim!!! :)

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 13:22 (twenty years ago)

It is so nice of you to offer your services like that, Ken.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 13:28 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, sex is more interesting. And there's a much bigger pay-off. But, and I'm speaking entirely from personal experience here, the reward is typically quite short-lived.

Looking back on previous relationships it's the moments of cuddling (Really don't like using that word) that I have the fondest memories of and that feel most reflective of what these relationships were all about.

As far as future relationships/trysts go, I do have an occasional tendency to distinguish between girls I look at and want to have sex with and girls I want to hold hands/cuddle with. Obviously the second category typically evolves into the first but then we re-label the act with the term "making love" and it appears somehow less carnal and gives it a legitimate intimacy.

I once lived with a guy who told me a story about a relationship he was in where he loved the girl so much, saw her as so perfect, that he couldn't bare to spoil this porcelain image he had of her by having sex with her. So he didn't, and fucked other people instead. Really interesting bloke. German, not that that necessarily means anything. It's certainly something I can relate to.

― uptoeleven (uptoeleven), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 13:42 (twenty years ago)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH. Speaking as someone who's occupied that particular pedestal, Nick, I strongly advise against relating too closely. It's a lose-lose.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 13:44 (twenty years ago)

I won't say that I'm unfamiliar with that position, either.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 13:46 (twenty years ago)

that's just dumb.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 13:46 (twenty years ago)

and that's really not love - it's creepy obsession.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 13:48 (twenty years ago)

Yeah I know. Trust me, I never have too much trouble overcoming that particular obstacle. I promise I have NEVER said to a girl "I think you're too perfect to bespoil with sex, so can I go shag someone else please and we'll just cuddle?".

― uptoeleven (uptoeleven), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 13:49 (twenty years ago)

I have a cuddly pikachu, ken! And a cuddly bear who used to sing happy birthday to me, until the little machine in his tummy broke.

But cuddly toys are fluffy. Girls, preferably, aren't.

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 13:51 (twenty years ago)

I almost sort of like the idea that perhaps the reason I'm currently not getting much is that people love me too much and think I'm too perfect for them to want to have sex with me.

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 13:58 (twenty years ago)

haha wow jim you too! i think we must be twins

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 14:24 (twenty years ago)

sex is stressful

Oh MAN! not if yer (both/all) doin it right.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 14:32 (twenty years ago)

Maybe because indicating a preference between 2 things involves exclusion?? Unless you say you prefer both, which negates the original question. Which is definitely what is in order when faced with A FALSE DICHOTOMY.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 14:43 (twenty years ago)

Maybe because indicating a preference between 2 things involves exclusion??

Nah. I like cheesecake. I like the cheesy creamy stuff on top more than the biscuit base, but I like them both. They're both cheesecake. One bit without the other bit would perhaps be weird, and definitely wouldn't be as good as the two bits together. But that doesn't mean I can't prefer one bit to the other.

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 14:57 (twenty years ago)

Nonetheless, when asked what you prefer out of 2 or more things, the question forces you to choose exactly one thing.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 15:04 (twenty years ago)

But doesn't require me to dislike the other! And all I was saying in the first place is that some people appear to be assuming either that a) saying they preferred one implied they didn't like the other, or that b) the fact the two things are part of a whole makes them inseperable, and makes the consideration of them as individual objects inconceivable.

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 15:11 (twenty years ago)

I don't really like the word "cuddling", but I quite like the word "sex".

― Cathy (Cathy), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 15:27 (twenty years ago)

Re the pedestal alluded to earlier: I agree that it's dumb, but I also understand it if one considers one's own sexual proclivities to be incompatible with his partner's.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 15:36 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, which is a sad mess to be in because there's just NO resolution that doesn't suck. But the pedestal thing? Don't do it. If you're LUCKY she'll eventually get angry and flounce out to look elsewhere for what she wants, but chances are greater that it will get more and more fuX0red the longer it goes.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 15:44 (twenty years ago)

morbs, maybe i should clarify: it's not the sex that is necessarily stressful, but the words & actions leading up to a first sexual encounter with a person.

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:02 (twenty years ago)

So, seduction is stressful. Rent Lords of Dogtown and master Emile Hirsch's dance -- troubles ovah!

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:08 (twenty years ago)

there is no fucking way you will ever catch me renting lords of dogtown.

or dancing.

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:10 (twenty years ago)

haha, yes, C, the word "cuddling" or "cuddle" is just gross. The act is nice, I'll agree to that.
xpost

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:13 (twenty years ago)

is "snuggle" any better?

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:13 (twenty years ago)

er, no. not re: people anyway.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:15 (twenty years ago)

maybe I feel like it's too childish/twee? images of teddy bears, etc, something really ineffectual about it (the words) that bothers me.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:17 (twenty years ago)

snoggling

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:18 (twenty years ago)

Kangaroo care! In a non-creepy, not-inappropriate-for-adults way.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:20 (twenty years ago)

"Cuddle" is too simple a word to describe what I think we're talking about. A "cuddle" IS a very child-oriented act - something you do to make a kid feel safe/protected. That's not to say it doesn't serve, to a certain extent, the same purpose in a relationship, just that there's more too it than that. Stuff to do with "connections" and "intimacy" which don't really fit into the meaning of the word "cuddle".

― uptoeleven (uptoeleven), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:22 (twenty years ago)

Although maybe they do. Fuck, I don't know what my problem with the word is.

― uptoeleven (uptoeleven), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:22 (twenty years ago)

spooning just sounds like feeding the elderly.

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:25 (twenty years ago)

Cuddling =/= coddling.

Cuddling is delightful, coddling is insulting. Don't let a little vowel disrupt your enjoyment of a good, close cuddle.

― The Milkmaid (82375538-A) (The Milkmaid), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:25 (twenty years ago)

sexeling

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:26 (twenty years ago)

intimatelying

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:26 (twenty years ago)

Amanada, why coddling = insulting?? Peel me a grape etc!

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:30 (twenty years ago)

I guess it's not entirely insulting, but I don't enjoy being coddled...although I do enjoy coddling others. I retract that. But I just wanted to point out that cuddling and coddling might be getting confused. Also, I would prefer to peel my own grapes.

― The Milkmaid (82375538-A) (The Milkmaid), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:32 (twenty years ago)

Cuddle IS a terrible word though. It's reminiscent of unicorns or something.

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:32 (twenty years ago)

My favorite use of the word:

"Give us a cuddle, Maurice", in Secrets and Lies

― Collardio Gelatinous (collardio), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:33 (twenty years ago)

http://members.aol.com/alligatorjuice88/bears1.jpg

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:35 (twenty years ago)

OK the logo actually looked like that? Jesus.

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:38 (twenty years ago)

Coddling is awesome if you make a space where it belongs and keep it there. Not cool in daily life, obv, speaking as someone who does own bike repairs and LIKES IT. But that's neither here nor there....

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:40 (twenty years ago)

Whereas the word "sex" is more like:

http://www.antoniogenna.net/doppiaggio/telefilm/newhart.jpg

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:42 (twenty years ago)

that's more like "making love" to me actually.

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:44 (twenty years ago)

Haha, okay.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:44 (twenty years ago)

http://ssl4.westserver.net/goldmonkey/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/misfits.jpg

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:49 (twenty years ago)

yes THAT is the "sex" font.

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:50 (twenty years ago)

bukkaling

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:51 (twenty years ago)

But it's also the one-night stand font.
xpost

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:52 (twenty years ago)

http://img.epinions.com/images/opti/04/0d/209607-movie.jpg-movie-resized200.jpg

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:56 (twenty years ago)

Btw, I wasn't seriously suggesting that the Newhart font = sex. I was just looking at that Care Bears image and noticed the clouds and the curly tail on that letter B, and ... well you know the rest.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 16:58 (twenty years ago)

logical leaps + image gags, we know, we understand.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:00 (twenty years ago)

...and then I woke up next to Suzanne Pleshette.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:03 (twenty years ago)

http://images.windowsmedia.com/img/prov_i/300_80/2b983146-98d6-4c25-b039-cea3e03e398f_094634247351_800.jpg

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:06 (twenty years ago)

Bah still too sweet.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:07 (twenty years ago)

I'm just riffing on the curl!

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:08 (twenty years ago)

RIFF ON SOMETHING ELSE. Hah.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:10 (twenty years ago)

Also, huh-huh, "morningwood."

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:12 (twenty years ago)

Jaymc, that's not how you're supposed to react to a single entendre.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:14 (twenty years ago)

I think there's maybe a quarter of another entendre in there that's somehow related to:

http://screenwriterforgod.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/.pond/sausagelinks.jpg.w180h111.jpg

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:19 (twenty years ago)

Or if that's not showing up for you:

http://media.westsideorganics.com/wso/product_pictures/big/corndogs.jpg

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:21 (twenty years ago)

Yes, except that's the opposite of "better".

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:23 (twenty years ago)

Hmmm?

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:24 (twenty years ago)

maybe I feel like it's too childish/twee? images of teddy bears, etc, something really ineffectual about it (the words) that bothers me.

There is something very vital sounding about the words "hardcore hate-fuck' though. A hardcore hate-fuck is just emphatic cuddling.

― Daddy's Little Duder (unclejessjess), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 20:23 (twenty years ago)

what

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 28 March 2006 20:31 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

Kissing and cuddling and holding hands vs. ejaculating deep into your partner's rectum whilst they are gagged and bound

what the fucking fuck

― Curt1s Stephens, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 05:39 (nineteen years ago)

Whoa. I don't remember that. Oh man, did I post that?

― Jesse, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 06:01 (nineteen years ago)

HA!

― Drooone, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 06:08 (nineteen years ago)

One Day in the Life of a Finnish Sex Tourist

― Eisbaer, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 06:21 (nineteen years ago)

What has that to do with sex vs. cuddling?

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 06:37 (nineteen years ago)

its a caps lock thing

― 600, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 06:52 (nineteen years ago)

Skipping 69 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I ROFL'ed

― kv_nol, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 09:53 (nineteen years ago)

If you're a gay guy or recreationally-broadminded female, you likely have had a good aggressive fuck once in awhile where cuddling would've been completely inappropriate. Like, while standing up.

― Dr Morbius, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 13:20 (nineteen years ago)

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