vadge horror stories

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a friend of a friend of mine has three lips, ew. any advances?

― lukey (Lukey G), Thursday, 10 June 2004 10:52 (nineteen years ago) link

when i've stopped losing my shit over the thread title i'll let you know

― the surface noise is so overwhelming that it renders the contents of the re (ele, Thursday, 10 June 2004 10:55 (nineteen years ago) link

OMG WHERE IS DAN

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 10 June 2004 10:56 (nineteen years ago) link

Ugh, I read that as "vague horror stories", expecting kinda "and then, y'know, there was some... wailing, yeah, wailing, and I forget what happened next, but it involved zombies I think, or was it an escaped lunatic, ah, shit, doesn't matter anyway".

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 10 June 2004 10:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Dan is currently losing his shit.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 10:59 (nineteen years ago) link

I think it's a legitimate question. But surely 'vag' is the abreviation.

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Thursday, 10 June 2004 11:01 (nineteen years ago) link

The Dreadful Cunnilingus Incident to thread.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 11:13 (nineteen years ago) link

(Haha also Markelby, that difference from a vadge horror story how?)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 11:14 (nineteen years ago) link

I was convinced this was c_l_m thread. :-(

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 10 June 2004 11:18 (nineteen years ago) link

If this was a C thread, it would be called something like "When you're walking down the street and Miranda Richards suddenly walks by with an incontinent elephant hanging out off her quim, would you be alarmed would you whip your trouseres off and go at it like you were at a Steve Guttenberg convention?"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 11:20 (nineteen years ago) link

http://216.127.78.103/~dutch-starwars.com/database/locaties/pics/sarlacc_pit.jpg

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Thursday, 10 June 2004 11:21 (nineteen years ago) link

I blame Return of The Jedi for all of my sexual hangups. My knob looks like Jabba The Hut too.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 10 June 2004 11:40 (nineteen years ago) link

too much information! (haha sez he, having clicked on a thread entitled "vadge horror stories")

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 10 June 2004 11:41 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.base58.com/ilx/vag.gif

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 10 June 2004 12:00 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.somethingisburning.com/images/vag.jpg

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Thursday, 10 June 2004 12:03 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.poster.net/lord-of-the-rings-ii/lord-of-the-rings-ii-teaser-two-towers-4900237.jpg

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 10 June 2004 12:04 (nineteen years ago) link

Middle-earth hermaphrodites!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 10 June 2004 12:05 (nineteen years ago) link

I'd just like to point out that Dan's posited C-man version of this thread is the funniest thing ever in the whole history of the world

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Thursday, 10 June 2004 12:27 (nineteen years ago) link

one of them, sure.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 10 June 2004 12:34 (nineteen years ago) link

it seemed a bit inaccurate in it's eloquence

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 10 June 2004 12:37 (nineteen years ago) link

Someone I know....and I truely mean that, I am not talking about myself, was using a vibrator one time not realising the batteries had leaked inside it and got burning battery acid all over her ahem flaps. Apparently when she flung the vibrator away from herself it hit the wall and took the paint off. One can only imagine what it did to her skin.

Now if that isn't a vag/vadge horror story i don't know what is.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 10 June 2004 12:39 (nineteen years ago) link

"...and when they looked down, all they saw attached to the vagina was A HOOK!"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:09 (nineteen years ago) link

"'Ma'am," said the police operator, "'The calls are coming from INSIDE YOUR VAGINA!'"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:10 (nineteen years ago) link

vag is surely the correct spelling.

― Robbie Lumsden (Wallace Stevens HQ), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:10 (nineteen years ago) link

"... and written all over the uterine walls in blood were the words, "AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU DIDN'T TURN ON THE LIGHTS?"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:11 (nineteen years ago) link

ew ew ew ew, I know someone who got a vibrator lost inside her, wrong!

― lukey (Lukey G), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:12 (nineteen years ago) link

"She placed the chihuahua in her vagina to dry it out"

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:12 (nineteen years ago) link

"the killer was on top of the car, banging her boyfriend's severed vagina on the roof"

― g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:13 (nineteen years ago) link

"All he could hear was the 'THUMP THUMP THUMP' of the telltale vagina."

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:13 (nineteen years ago) link

....i'm thinking of the joke where the punchline is: "good shot, right in the cunt"

― Robbie Lumsden (Wallace Stevens HQ), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:14 (nineteen years ago) link

"If you feed pop rocks to a vagina..."

(I realise I've drifted off topic a little)

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:17 (nineteen years ago) link

There are already enough vadge (I LOVE THIS SPELLING btw) urban myths that I don't know that we need to make up anymore. Not that this should stop you, Andrew, because the pop rocks one made me snort coffee.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:21 (nineteen years ago) link

(hee hee THE RED VADGE OF COURAGE)
("We don't need no steenking vadges!")

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:21 (nineteen years ago) link

"Get out of the house right now, YOUR VAGINA IS CHOKING ON FINGERS!!!"

― nickn (nickn), Thursday, 10 June 2004 19:04 (nineteen years ago) link

"And then the veterenarian said, "Oh my god lady, that's not a hairless mexican chihuahua, THAT'S A VAGINA WITH RABIES!!!!!!!!!"

― Sengai, Thursday, 10 June 2004 21:34 (nineteen years ago) link

It turns out that the maniac had already killed the dog, and the girl awoke to find "Vagina's can lick too" scrawled on the wall in blood.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 10 June 2004 22:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Never flash your headlights at an approaching vagina.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 10 June 2004 22:43 (nineteen years ago) link

http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/04/uk_big_brother_housemates/img/9.jpg

i'm really, really sorry

― don (don), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:00 (nineteen years ago) link

(not *that* sorry though)

― don (don), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:00 (nineteen years ago) link

"... and when I woke up I was in a bathtub full of ice and MY VADGE WAS MISSING"

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:04 (nineteen years ago) link

oh no can't breathe laughing too hard

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:06 (nineteen years ago) link

Q: What do you eat in Australia if you're some sort of pussy?

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:06 (nineteen years ago) link

Um, vadgemite?

― martin m. (mushrush), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:07 (nineteen years ago) link

quiche

― the surface noise is so overwhelming that it renders the contents of the re (ele, Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:08 (nineteen years ago) link

thank you, martin.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:10 (nineteen years ago) link

The Pit And The Pudendum

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:11 (nineteen years ago) link

STOP IT I'M TRYING TO WORK

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:14 (nineteen years ago) link

Dan on top form :)

― jed_ (jed), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:17 (nineteen years ago) link

I believe it is more commonly known as vaginamite, often referred to at the same time as penis paste (Peanut paste) by primary school age children....and the man I live with.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:17 (nineteen years ago) link

penis butter and vaginamite

― the surface noise is another unwelcome bonus resulting from a preamp's inab (ele, Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:18 (nineteen years ago) link

...and him ^

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:19 (nineteen years ago) link

uhuh.

― jed_ (jed), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:33 (nineteen years ago) link

"I soaked my hands in it, Vadge!"

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:42 (nineteen years ago) link

"Vadge! Vadge! The rains are 'ere!"

― New No New Age Advanced Ambient Motor Music Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:56 (nineteen years ago) link

all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy
all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy

― don (don), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:59 (nineteen years ago) link

"Wash your vadge, Geoffrey!"

― New No New Age Advanced Ambient Motor Music Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:01 (nineteen years ago) link

hey don, does my presence here make it easy 4 U 2 guess whom UR sending your physical s******o CD 2?

crosspost

― Robbie Lumsden (Wallace Stevens HQ), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:02 (nineteen years ago) link

i just used the Force mate

― don (don), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:03 (nineteen years ago) link

aye, that's probably a simpler way...

― Robbie Lumsden (Wallace Stevens HQ), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:04 (nineteen years ago) link

i sensed your presents

― don (don), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:04 (nineteen years ago) link

b'doom tsch

i think it's looking like an hour of nonstop rockabilly 4 U...maybe a shirelles song 2 take away from an otherwise opressivley male CD...

― Robbie Lumsden (Wallace Stevens HQ), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:06 (nineteen years ago) link

my knowledge of rockabilly is zero so that sounds cool. would you prefer mixed audio, unmixed audio or mp3 cd-r?

― don (don), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:07 (nineteen years ago) link

I think i'd prefer an audio CD. an mp3 cd would just be too mixed and wouldn't have that personalised one sitting joy of the mix CD. it's up 2 U how U wanna stick it 2gether....

no mixing skills on the CD i'm making, i'm afraid...

― Robbie Lumsden (Wallace Stevens HQ), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:09 (nineteen years ago) link

no problem.. it's a bonus IMO. looking forward to it!

― don (don), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:14 (nineteen years ago) link

are you there, vadge? it's me, margaret.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:20 (nineteen years ago) link

[annpying kid]:i see dead vadges

― don (don), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:23 (nineteen years ago) link

Not a horror story per se but last night my roommate announced loudly to a couple of guys (not 'potentials', they're a couple of her gay friends) that "I shave my cooch!". This was followed by lots of giggling.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:24 (nineteen years ago) link

PLEASE TELL ME you said "You don't do that on my couch, too!?!?!?!?"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:28 (nineteen years ago) link

alas no. I've really got to think on my feet a little better.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:30 (nineteen years ago) link

oh who is don on s*****o?

― jed_ (jed), Friday, 11 June 2004 01:16 (nineteen years ago) link

snd

― don (don), Friday, 11 June 2004 01:23 (nineteen years ago) link

I vahnt to sahhhhk your vahhhhhhhhdge

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 11 June 2004 02:02 (nineteen years ago) link

hey that's *my* pickup line

― the surface noise is another unwelcome bonus resulting from a preamp's inab (ele, Friday, 11 June 2004 02:05 (nineteen years ago) link

A friend at university had to have an operation to sort out her twisted vagina, and couldn't have sex with my best friend until she'd done so.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:20 (nineteen years ago) link

(theramin music)

Twisted Tales of...

TWISTED VAGINAS!

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:23 (nineteen years ago) link

You're the va-gina!
Twisted va-gina!

― HEY HEY HEY (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:28 (nineteen years ago) link

I'm disappointed by how this thread was derailed. More true stories please.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:34 (nineteen years ago) link

all work and no vadge makes jack a dull boy...

all work and no vadge makes a dull boy jack

― nickn (nickn), Friday, 11 June 2004 20:52 (nineteen years ago) link

Taking Sides: Silly scatalogical jokes vs True stories about vaginal trauma

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 June 2004 23:19 (nineteen years ago) link

nickn wins

― don (don), Friday, 11 June 2004 23:32 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.eblox.com/lechner/hygene.jpg

― Jon Williams!!!!! (ROFFLE!@!@!@) (ex machina), Friday, 18 June 2004 16:57 (nineteen years ago) link

LYSOL?????????????????????

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:02 (nineteen years ago) link

that's what they used to use in back-alley abortions!

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:04 (nineteen years ago) link

(they probably still do in some parts of the world)

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:04 (nineteen years ago) link

LYSOL?????????????????

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:08 (nineteen years ago) link

It's an industrial-strength disinfectant AND a douche!

― nickn (nickn), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:37 (nineteen years ago) link

what's the big mystery, guys use Lysol on their bits as well.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:39 (nineteen years ago) link

does your roomie douche her ass?

― Jon Williams!!!!! (ROFFLE!@!@!@) (ex machina), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:39 (nineteen years ago) link

yes but with paint thinner

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:42 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.pennsylvaniamaplesyrup.com/pancakes.jpg

― Jon Williams!!!!! (ROFFLE!@!@!@) (ex machina), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:43 (nineteen years ago) link

yesterday my girlfriend shaved as a 'present' for me so we got intimate; i got her to bend over and as i licked her arse, a really long, soft hiss that quickly turned into a kind of sloppy ripping noise shot forth towards my bottom lip and she started pissing herself laughing.

― scg, Friday, 18 June 2004 17:49 (nineteen years ago) link

what

the

fuck

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:51 (nineteen years ago) link

also i think she has this weird hole in her clitoris, i'm pretty sure it's not a piercing though.

― scg, Friday, 18 June 2004 17:52 (nineteen years ago) link

arghhhh

― Jon Williams!!!!! (ROFFLE!@!@!@) (ex machina), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:54 (nineteen years ago) link

scg wins

― chrisco (chrisco), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:55 (nineteen years ago) link

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:55 (nineteen years ago) link

"pretty sure"

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:56 (nineteen years ago) link

You might not want to go down on a girl who farts and pisses on you without permission.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:57 (nineteen years ago) link

They're not even sure it IS a baby!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:57 (nineteen years ago) link

I wonder if I can douche my brane with lysol?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:57 (nineteen years ago) link

oh no no no

― Jon Williams!!!!! (ROFFLE!@!@!@) (ex machina), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:58 (nineteen years ago) link

If your stuff is stinky
Remember gal
A can of Lysol
Is your pal
BURMA SHAVE!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 17:59 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.base58.com/ilx/vag.gif

haha. steve. that's hillarious. it's been one of my favorite fonts lately

― JaXoN (JasonD), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:02 (nineteen years ago) link

(An actual Burma Shave slogan:

If your peach
Keeps out
Of reach
Better practice
What we preach
BURMA SHAVE!

Which I'm pretty sure is related to the matter at hand.)

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:02 (nineteen years ago) link

NO NO NO NO NO

Tep, don't even kid.

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:03 (nineteen years ago) link

I shudder to think what could be done w/ Old Spice.

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:03 (nineteen years ago) link

On the one hand, I am happy that threads like this distract me from fuming on threads like the moderation thread and the Avril thread. OTOH, YIKES YIKES OH NO.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:03 (nineteen years ago) link

HHAHA EDDIE MURPHY TO THREAD

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:04 (nineteen years ago) link

Please to draw diagram to explain Eddie Murphy vadge connection.

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:05 (nineteen years ago) link

I heard it praised
By drugstore clerks
I tried the stuff
Hot dog!
It works
Lysol Douche

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:05 (nineteen years ago) link

If you're stuck
with dirty gash,
never fear -
give us a splash!
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:08 (nineteen years ago) link

Pine Sol makes you
Taste like trees
This will have him
On his knees
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:09 (nineteen years ago) link

Eddie Murphy does a routine about putting Old Spice on his dick and the subsequent trauma (culminating in his mother catching him with his dick in the sink and his grandmother telling him he's nasty).

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:11 (nineteen years ago) link

Man's complaining?
Get a clue!
Soap and water
just won't do.
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:12 (nineteen years ago) link

(Another one taken from Burma Shave):

It has a tingle
And a tang
That starts the day off
With a bang
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:19 (nineteen years ago) link

Inky binky
parlez-vous;
Europeans stink,
and so do you!
LYSOL DOUCHE!

(This is what happens when I'm left unsupervised @ work.)

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:23 (nineteen years ago) link

I'm about to pee my pants.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:39 (nineteen years ago) link

June thought Ward
Was gonna leave her
She gave him
A cleaner Beaver
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:40 (nineteen years ago) link

best everrr4t omg

― Jon Williams!!!!! (ROFFLE!@!@!@) (ex machina), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:43 (nineteen years ago) link

(I feel about twelve years old, sitting in the back of the bus with my George Michael tape in my RCA Walkman knockoff and dogearing volume 5 of Truly Tasteless Jokes.)

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:43 (nineteen years ago) link

(And I feel like I just I lost the spear to my Klaatu action figure between the bus seat cushions.)

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:48 (nineteen years ago) link

"bus seat cushions"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:50 (nineteen years ago) link

If you want
To please your guy
Give him "special"
Lemon pie
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:52 (nineteen years ago) link

Stick it in,
It's lemon-scented!
Woo-enabled,
Stink prevented.
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:52 (nineteen years ago) link

A disgusting young harlot, Louise,
Had cunt hair right down to her knees.
The crabs in her twat
Tied her hair in a knot
And constructed a flying trapeeze.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:52 (nineteen years ago) link

so, burma shave, then?

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:54 (nineteen years ago) link

is there a secret BurmaKitty/Burma Shave vagina connection?

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:54 (nineteen years ago) link

jeremy, some crazy girl who knows jeff and you and who i met once??? was at !!! last night~!@?@

― Jon Williams!!!!! (ROFFLE!@!@!@) (ex machina), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:54 (nineteen years ago) link

If you need
To clean your clock
it's time to bring
The toxic shock
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:54 (nineteen years ago) link

burma kitty posted n00dz on here, no?

NO WONDER AJA WAS A LOON

― Jon Williams!!!!! (ROFFLE!@!@!@) (ex machina), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:55 (nineteen years ago) link

Tep you are assuming the mantle of godhood here

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:55 (nineteen years ago) link

Burma Shave / Burmese Python / Mission of Burma

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:56 (nineteen years ago) link

This thread has been elevated to ridiculous levels of greatness. Thank God no one's around to hear me laughing.

― Vinnie (vprabhu), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:56 (nineteen years ago) link

For Dan:

Now even trannies
can bang a gong
and get with Eddie's
Old Spice dong
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 18 June 2004 18:59 (nineteen years ago) link

I tried soap
To mend my troubles
Making love
Meant making bubbles!
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:00 (nineteen years ago) link

When your ugly
Feels the burn
you'll know the buggies
Won't return.
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:01 (nineteen years ago) link

Take Thanksgiving
Up a notch
Baste the turkey
Of your crotch!
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:03 (nineteen years ago) link

I'm about to pee my pants.

then boy do I have a product for you!

excuse me miss?
does your vadge smell of piss?
if so, it's no worry at all
just shower your girly bits with Lysol
LYSOL DOUCHE

― oops (Oops), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:03 (nineteen years ago) link

His Yule log
Will spark and glow
Once you douse
Your mistletoe
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:08 (nineteen years ago) link

because you're a nasty ho
give your snatch a lemon glow!
your friends and neighbors will be happy
at the odor of your snappy
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:09 (nineteen years ago) link

Vinegar's fine
For Sues and Madges
But we don't need
No stinkin vadges!
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:13 (nineteen years ago) link

CLASS, Tep.

Give your hubbby
something nice
Citrus-flavored
pubic lice
LYSOL DOUCHE!!

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:15 (nineteen years ago) link

someone wants Madge's vadge

http://www.crzy4art.com/e-cards/madonna.jpg

― JaXoN (JasonD), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:20 (nineteen years ago) link

Is that Annie Lennox?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:20 (nineteen years ago) link

No more I love yous my ass!

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:21 (nineteen years ago) link

Take your clothes off,
Take a whiff
Did the lemmings
Leave the cliff?
LYSOL DOUCHE!

(The problem is that I have the "Wanna wanna, wanna Fanta" ad that plays in the movie theater in my head now.)

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:21 (nineteen years ago) link

Sparkling clean
To please his wee-wee
Brand new flavors
Lime and kiwi!
LYSOL DOUCHE!

(See what I mean?)

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:23 (nineteen years ago) link

(Wait, there's no movie theater in my head, btw.)

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 19:24 (nineteen years ago) link

If your man's tongue's
scared to roam
douche away
your fishy foam
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― BADGER KITTEN, Friday, 18 June 2004 20:08 (nineteen years ago) link

If you're feeling
Not so fresh
Let us remove
your tuna breath
Lysol Douche!

― Jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:12 (nineteen years ago) link

Gotta whiffy vag, girl?
Nope, me neither
I always LYSOL DOUCHE my beaver

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:13 (nineteen years ago) link

'Doc, I think I'm losing him...'
'Lady - LYSOL DOUCHE that quim'

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:16 (nineteen years ago) link

If your gal's
got pubic grease
Spray some lysol
in her crease
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:18 (nineteen years ago) link

Is your cuntage somewhat whiffy?
LYSOL DOUCHE it in a jiffy!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:19 (nineteen years ago) link

If he's chokin' when he's pokin'
LYSOL DOUCHE will stop him croakin'

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:21 (nineteen years ago) link

hahaha CUNTAGE!!! best word ever.

xpost

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:21 (nineteen years ago) link

You'll douche with anything that kills your germs.
You'll douche with anything by Summer's Eve.
You'll douche with anything once or twice.
You'll douche with anything while in the commode.
You'll douche with anything that comes in many flavors.
You'll douche with anything that makes you fresh.
You'll douche with anything by any bunch of stupid hygienists with their white labcoats intent on taking our money instead of giving your cash where it belongs, to a decent ad copywriter like myself!
LYSOL DOUCHE.

(I think I'm beyond sense now.)

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:22 (nineteen years ago) link

Procreate don't asphixyiate
LYSOL DOUCHE

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:23 (nineteen years ago) link

Weird, Tep... I was just about to post quoting the sample from the David & Don Was remix of "Smokin' Banana Peels":

Dad, how could you possibly know more about douche than I do?

I don't know anything about douche, but I do know antifreeze when I see it, and that's what you're holding.

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:25 (nineteen years ago) link

BRING THA ZING BACK TO YA THING!
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Is your front bottom stinkin rotten?
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:26 (nineteen years ago) link

Mine was cause the meter I'd fallen into kept making me think, "Oh, baby / Look at you / Don't you look / Like Siouxsie Sioux / LYSOL DOUCHE!"

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:26 (nineteen years ago) link

"Front bottom" is still the best Britishism around.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:27 (nineteen years ago) link

ker-ist, I am obsessed. That's ads, folks!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:27 (nineteen years ago) link

Does your clam smell like tinned spam?
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:28 (nineteen years ago) link

BITCHIN' CAMARO, BITCHIN' CAMARO, BITCHIN' CAMARO, LYSOL DOUCHE!

― St. Nicholas Ridiculous (Nick A.), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:29 (nineteen years ago) link

Jellyfish Heaven ...
Smells a lot ...
Like your cunnnnt

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:30 (nineteen years ago) link

And when I wake up late at night,
I know that everything will be alright,
Cause crawlin' round on my roof,
Is LYSOL DOUCHE!

― St. Nicholas Ridiculous (Nick A.), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:33 (nineteen years ago) link

Girls - are your vadges gassing badgers?
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:34 (nineteen years ago) link

Where the hell is Dan?

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:35 (nineteen years ago) link

When your muff juice ain't no love juice
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:41 (nineteen years ago) link

'His inamorata had a vagina dentata...'

VADGE HORROR STORY t.b.c

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:44 (nineteen years ago) link

Is your growler a social howler?
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:45 (nineteen years ago) link

cuality, not cuntity, badger!

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:46 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh dear, I seem to have been lost again.

― VengaDan Perry's Shit (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:48 (nineteen years ago) link

Say your love life
is slim pickin's?
It happens when
The twat thickens.
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:51 (nineteen years ago) link

God damn it this is what happens when I get drunk and my my boyfriend goes to sleep on the sofa

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:52 (nineteen years ago) link

Take a whiff
Uncross your eyes;
Something died
Between your thighs
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:53 (nineteen years ago) link

Moldy bread
And gooey zweiback
Make your cooter
Smell like Sleestacks
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:54 (nineteen years ago) link

Ten day old string hangs out your ring?
No? Then LYSOL DOUCHE.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:55 (nineteen years ago) link

This one's a little more direct, but I think it works:

Ack. Cough.
Put yer pants back on.
Fuck.
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Is your twattage rank n' greasy?
LYSOL DOUCHE it slick n' easy!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Sticky yellow
Pussy rings
Keep your man
From cunniling?
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Must. stop. soon.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Sniff your grunter. Ooof! You munter!
LYSOL DOUCHE FOR CHRISSAKES

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:59 (nineteen years ago) link

What smells worse than an anchovy?
An anchovy's cunt
USE LYSOL DOUCHE

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:00 (nineteen years ago) link

If you've ickies on your grille
(tough and strong resilient gnats -
the kind that DEET and Off can't kill):
Use antispectic on your twat!

Please consider LYSOL DOUCHE
(ignoring thoughts of toxic shock)
for reaming out your girl gash
to prep yourself for hubby's cock.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:06 (nineteen years ago) link

Keep that honeymoon-fresh appeal
and if in doubt, keep chemicals sluicin'
Though the pain may make you squeal
though the tender skin keeps bruisin'
Burn away your natural juices
Hubby wants you sanitised
deodorised and plasticised
It may sting and it may burn
But girl, wake up! You gotta learn!
LYSOL DOUCHE is what wives need
And if sex then makes you bleed
Hey, hubby will be thrilled to greet
Fresh 'virgin stains' upon the sheet.
Bite your lip and think of that
As he probes your tender twat.
It may hurt - but, let's be blunt
Nice girls don't have a scented cunt.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:29 (nineteen years ago) link

underneath
and in between
drip and sprinkle:
sparkly clean!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:30 (nineteen years ago) link

over the lips
and round the bum
you'll no longer
smell like chum
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:31 (nineteen years ago) link

leaving stains
all round his forehead?
izzy stradlin
something horrid?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:33 (nineteen years ago) link

shit. lost. pants. peed.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:35 (nineteen years ago) link

IZZY STRADLIN

Forehead/horrid!

Damn.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:37 (nineteen years ago) link

Is your beau's expression's strained?
Do you have got a rankling uterus?
It's time you got your pooky drained;
your timing's mightily fortuitous!
For Lysol Douche's new product line
Will leave your beaver feeling fine!

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:40 (nineteen years ago) link

tep, after your work
on this thread, your compliment
rings like golden bells

that having been said

what's the matter?
he won't try
a single slice
of your hair pie?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:41 (nineteen years ago) link

uterus/fortuitous WOW

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:42 (nineteen years ago) link

I was trying to work out a pudenda / Nintedo rhyme but it sorta just fell through...

i got as far as

he played my pudenda
with skill and with style
like the control pad of a nintenda
holding his breath the whole while

but it didn't seem to have any panache.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:44 (nineteen years ago) link

message to
the nation's foxes:
keep your boxes
unobnoxious
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:45 (nineteen years ago) link

When it's tough
To take the stuff
He's say "enough"
So clean your muff.
LYSOL DOUCHE

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:51 (nineteen years ago) link

Just a sprinkle
On your quim
And he'll play it
Like a theremin!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:53 (nineteen years ago) link

Let your soldier's
Flag unfurl
And wash that clam
You salty girl
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:55 (nineteen years ago) link

won't eat the vadge, madge?
won't munch the quim, kim?
you don't need a new boy toy
just douche yourself clean.

scrub out that clam, pam
you don't need to be shy, mai
just hose out that pita, rita
and douche yourself clean.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:55 (nineteen years ago) link

is the stench of your vaj
driving your man to self-neuter?
try LYSOL DOUCHE
like roto rooter, but for you cooter

― oops (Oops), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:56 (nineteen years ago) link

(I'm so sorry, 50 ways to leave your lover has been in my head all day. I should be shot)

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:56 (nineteen years ago) link

HOSE OUT THAT PITA.

Well, looks like I'm never having tzatziki sauce ever again.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:57 (nineteen years ago) link

A little splash on wifey's gash
when she drives commando, the car won't crash
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:57 (nineteen years ago) link

just hose out that pita, rita

xpost

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:58 (nineteen years ago) link

whaaaaaat?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:58 (nineteen years ago) link

'Well, looks like I'm never having tzatziki sauce ever again'

Taramasalata, anyone?

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:59 (nineteen years ago) link

Who knew that a vagina that smells like antiseptic was so integral to car safety!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:59 (nineteen years ago) link

"Remember kids, buckle up... AND DOUCHE!"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 22:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Thanks, Officer Overly Friendly!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 22:01 (nineteen years ago) link

A thoroughly neutralised vaginal passage is the key to success in every sphere of life, I find.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 22:02 (nineteen years ago) link

It's definitely U&K if you wanna get with these SPHERES OF LIFE, right here! ayy oh!

― diceman (Oops), Friday, 18 June 2004 22:05 (nineteen years ago) link

cunnilingus
may be wanting
if your "thing" is
something daunting

LYSOL DOUCHE

― antexit (antexit), Friday, 18 June 2004 23:36 (nineteen years ago) link

The "germs" Lysol allegedly would kill were sperm. "Protect your married happiness" = prevent a pregnancy.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Saturday, 19 June 2004 01:07 (nineteen years ago) link

Now we've gotta start over!

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 19 June 2004 01:11 (nineteen years ago) link

If you want
To keep your fun,
Rid your oven
Of tha bun!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:40 (nineteen years ago) link

pH balance
"right" today?
wash those buggers
clean away!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:45 (nineteen years ago) link

Anytime
You need to throw a
Curve ball
At spermatozoa:
LYSOL DOUCHE

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:48 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh dear oh dear, what's going on?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:50 (nineteen years ago) link

Stand-up guy,
terrific feller -
sense of timing
less than stellar?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:51 (nineteen years ago) link

Rhythm method
out of synch?
wash those peskies
down the sink!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:52 (nineteen years ago) link

me and my ex-catholic posse will probably be harping at this particular angle for DAYS

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:53 (nineteen years ago) link

So you are all recording these, right?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:53 (nineteen years ago) link

No lovin'
from Jim?
Nourish
your quim!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:55 (nineteen years ago) link

Hello to last week me. Fair enough.

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:55 (nineteen years ago) link

*hysterics*

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:57 (nineteen years ago) link

ok for those who object to "perfect" rhymes:

Guesswork's good
for Roman types.
Who here needs
these Handi-Wipes?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:58 (nineteen years ago) link

OMG ALBUM WAITING TO HAPPEN: "Ned Raggett Reads Slogans For Lysol Douche Written In The Burma-Shave Style"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:59 (nineteen years ago) link

Husband'd rather
have a beer?
Get some Lysol
Up yer labia
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:01 (nineteen years ago) link

28 days
Through the thrush;
Time to clean
That uterus!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:05 (nineteen years ago) link

After Mass,
things got real hot -
said he'd pull out,
then forgot?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:08 (nineteen years ago) link

Men all think
you're just a strumpet?
Sterilise
thy facking crumpet
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:09 (nineteen years ago) link

Halt that odour
sweet and true
emanating
from your smoo
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:10 (nineteen years ago) link

"smoo"!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:11 (nineteen years ago) link

http://img71.photobucket.com/albums/v216/sexymollusk/red_vadge_copy.jpg

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:13 (nineteen years ago) link

Lovin' at an
all-time low?
Whack some up
your camel toe
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:16 (nineteen years ago) link

couldn't say no
to sailor boy?
lather up
and smiles ahoy!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:21 (nineteen years ago) link

hide your shame
from prying eyes--
stop their stares
and sterilize!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:23 (nineteen years ago) link

works on counters
works on grout
works to flush
the fetus out
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:23 (nineteen years ago) link

OMG ALBUM WAITING TO HAPPEN: "Ned Raggett Reads Slogans For Lysol Douche Written In The Burma-Shave Style"

This COULD occur...

Dan and I, it should be noted, are currently creating the world's worst Lysol Douche TV commercials in chat.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:24 (nineteen years ago) link

I am very ashamed of myself.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:24 (nineteen years ago) link

(oh wait Ned, you mean
that somewhere there are the BEST
Lysol Douche ads. EW)

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Husband always
cleaning his teeth?
Prolly 'cause of
your stinking queefs
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:25 (nineteen years ago) link

bubble bubble
toil and trouble?
clean that coochie
on the double!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:28 (nineteen years ago) link

Got a zygote
In your midst?
Give you bearded clam
A rinse!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:30 (nineteen years ago) link

someone extra
on the ride?
subtract that pest
with pesticide
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:31 (nineteen years ago) link

LYSOL DOUCHE
to rid the whelp--
three lips? clit hole?
well, we can't help.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:34 (nineteen years ago) link

[okay, I cannot in good conscience post the one I just came up with but it used the word "plunger"]

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:34 (nineteen years ago) link

if we had that thing
called "good conscience" we would not
have come near this thread

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:36 (nineteen years ago) link

if you're good
just drive on by--
but naughty girls
had better try
LYSOL DOUCHE*

*In this "humor" piece, the author alleges that he was trying to parody the Mittelamerican fear of sexual activity so prevalent in the earlier part of the century, a fear which continues to come through in popular culture and attitudes to this very day. However, it is clear that he himself is some kind of anti-sex freak with a standard run of the mill virgin/whore-complex, and that his attempts at joking merely serve as camouflage to try to steer people away from the psychic turmoil raging beneath his surface...much, indeed, as LYSOL DOUCHE rages beneath the surface, its scrubbing bubbles doing the work so you don't have to.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:41 (nineteen years ago) link

Cleanse your crease of sperm and grease
Swishy-swoosh! With LYSOL DOUCHE!

Vadge horror story: my friend went to Brazil and whilst she was there she had her labia trimmed and her snatch tightened, but it got infected. Eeeowrgh.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Saturday, 19 June 2004 08:10 (nineteen years ago) link

Badger Kitten, in its own small way that is the saddest story ever.

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 12:03 (nineteen years ago) link

'small' is not the word
for a story that gives me
THE PH34R REALLY BAD

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 12:06 (nineteen years ago) link

Have you got a reekin' thatch?
Then splash some Lysol on your snatch!
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― grym leighton (Crazyhorse), Saturday, 19 June 2004 13:11 (nineteen years ago) link

A friend of mine slept with a woman who had extensive internal scarring (childbirth), apparently it was like sliding past fossilised worms. Not exactly "ribbed for his pleasure".

― grym leighton (Crazyhorse), Saturday, 19 June 2004 13:14 (nineteen years ago) link

That story has harshed this thread's buzz.

― Dave B (daveb), Saturday, 19 June 2004 13:42 (nineteen years ago) link

if your puss has crusty cracks
areas of in and out
like an LP record's tracks
fill the space with LYSOL GROUT!

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Saturday, 19 June 2004 14:21 (nineteen years ago) link

one time when i was tonguejacking this girls dick-mitten, a horseshoe crab stinger popped out from under her clitoris and poked me in my eyes!!!

― ARL (Adrian Langston), Saturday, 19 June 2004 15:41 (nineteen years ago) link

FOR ARL:

Though Ade expected just syphilis
He encountered L. polyphemus
He retracted his tongue
Found it(by a thread) hung:
the beast'd wrecked his hyoglosses.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Saturday, 19 June 2004 16:22 (nineteen years ago) link

*beams*

― ARL (Adrian Langston), Saturday, 19 June 2004 16:53 (nineteen years ago) link

Vinegar? Honey?
Don't be swayed
You catch more flies
With lemonade
LYSOL DOUCHE

― antexit (antexit), Saturday, 19 June 2004 19:14 (nineteen years ago) link

* even 24 hours later, sober, I <heart> this thread. It has given me such pleasure ( in a non-vaginally -traumatising way, hoorah).

Someone must indeed record the album.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:10 (nineteen years ago) link

this thread is a vadge horror story.

― cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:11 (nineteen years ago) link

I'll donate eleven dollars to a fund to getting Gear's roommate to contribute to it.

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:13 (nineteen years ago) link

Every time I see this thread I hear "Fuck Tha Police"

Fuck that shit, cuz I ain't tha one
For a punk muthafucka with a vadge and a gun
To be beatin on, and throwin in jail
We could go toe to toe in the middle of a cell

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:16 (nineteen years ago) link

Is your love life
In a rut?
Only fucking
In the butt?
Toss aside
His trucker hat
And show off
Your indie twat.
When you're well
And truly fecked
Clean that goddamn
Couch you wrecked.
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:19 (nineteen years ago) link

*Joy*

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:29 (nineteen years ago) link

* applause *

― Dave B (daveb), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:56 (nineteen years ago) link

indie twat!

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 19 June 2004 21:19 (nineteen years ago) link

Me and my twat aren't indie enuff, that's why I don't post regularly on this board.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Saturday, 19 June 2004 21:41 (nineteen years ago) link

wait - 3 lips¿
as in one exrta somewhere,
or is one missing¿

― dysol (dyson), Saturday, 19 June 2004 22:41 (nineteen years ago) link

Okay, getting back to storytime...this one's a true story that happened to my friend's cousin.

Boy and girl are dating in high school. Graduation rolls around and they decide to stick together even though they each are going to different colleges very far apart. A few months pass into the freshman year, and she comes over to his dorm to visit for a few days. Shortly after they meet up, they go back to his room and begin fooling around. Eventually he starts to venture down for a little 'lingus, but when he takes her panties off, he notices that she smells a bit worse than he remembered. He figures that she just hasn't showered for a while or something and tries to start, but the smell is a bit overpowering. So he gets a sour apple Jolly Rancher and starts sucking on it in order to ignore the smell. He's licking her and the Jolly Rancher, when suddenly the Jolly Rancher accidentally goes into her vadge. So he quickly fishes it out, puts it back in his mouth, and bites down on it, whereupon he discovers that what he's biting down on is not a sour apple Jolly Rancher after all, but in fact a gonorrhea nodule! He immediately hits the bathroom, pukes, and tells her to leave. Turns out that she hooked up with some random skank guy at a club the second week of school - and had no idea that she had gonorrhea afterwards, either. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last much longer.

Could she have used some LYSOL DOUCHE?

― Girolamo Savonarola, Saturday, 19 June 2004 23:32 (nineteen years ago) link

I did not even know that gonorrhea had nodules but that is still the most revolting thing I have ever read on ILE. Congratulations!

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 19 June 2004 23:34 (nineteen years ago) link

Also, I don't believe it, but it doesn't matter.

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 19 June 2004 23:35 (nineteen years ago) link

And now I discover that a googling for "jolly rancher" gonorrhea produces 5 hits, one of which is a U.S. military academy manual.

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 19 June 2004 23:39 (nineteen years ago) link

Anyone ever seen the anime Wicked City?

"It's famous primarily for its opening sequence, in which Taki, the James Bond-like hero, picks up a beautiful woman in a bar. They go back to her place and have sex a few times, in a few different positions. After their last climax, as Taki drowses, the woman's hands elongate into pincers; her legs stretch out and bend back impossibly until she enfolds Taki like a spider. He breaks free in the nick of time, and as he flies across the room we see that the woman's vagina has turned into a fang-lined, gnashing maw."

Link not work safe!

― Laura E (laurae55), Sunday, 20 June 2004 01:21 (nineteen years ago) link

omigod that almost happened to me once

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 20 June 2004 01:27 (nineteen years ago) link

gonorrhea nodule!

these two words alone are enough to make me wanna ralph.

― oops (Oops), Sunday, 20 June 2004 04:39 (nineteen years ago) link

yes i must say i'm glad i wasn't eating lunch when i read that gonorrhea story, that is truly spew-worthy

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 20 June 2004 04:43 (nineteen years ago) link

Hubby just
around the corner?
Pop this in
your willy-warmer
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 20 June 2004 04:47 (nineteen years ago) link

i wonder if they still make the real lysol douche? although surely someone must have sued them for reckless advertising by now.

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 20 June 2004 04:53 (nineteen years ago) link

''His inamorata had a vagina dentata...' Vadge horror story TBC'

Hey! I predicted the Laura E link earlier in the thread!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Sunday, 20 June 2004 13:39 (nineteen years ago) link

Kinda feeling
"Not-so-fresh"?
Rinse your twat
Before next sesh
LYSOL DOUCHE

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 21 June 2004 13:09 (nineteen years ago) link

works on counters
works on grout
works to flush
the fetus out
LYSOL DOUCHE
-- Begs2Differ (expresso222...) (webmail), June 19th, 2004. (link)

I beg your pardon?

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 22 June 2004 07:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Shut up and get back in that douche.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 22 June 2004 12:28 (nineteen years ago) link

seven months pass...

Now how had I forgotten about this thread?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 January 2005 00:22 (nineteen years ago) link

Fumes.

― Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 23 January 2005 00:26 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh my golden gods,
this is the best thread revive
since pres. will. shabazz

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Sunday, 23 January 2005 00:43 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh gosh, now that was a day.

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 00:54 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh my god, I'm bookmarking this one.

― K3rry, Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:01 (nineteen years ago) link

Ah. nice revive Ned =)

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:05 (nineteen years ago) link

"....and that was how Tep conquered ILX, grandkids."

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:24 (nineteen years ago) link

Ha, no no. I was one of many, and my favorite bits (so to speak, ugh) upthread are not mine.

Also: SMOO!

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:32 (nineteen years ago) link

Somehow I missed this thread the first time around.

I literally did gasp in horror when reading Girolamo's story, the first time I've ever had sort of reaction to anything posted on ILX.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:43 (nineteen years ago) link

had *that* sort of reaction ...

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:44 (nineteen years ago) link

leaving stains
all round his forehead?
izzy stradlin
something horrid?
LYSOL DOUCHE

-- Begs2Differ (cibul...), June 18th, 2004

― teeny (teeny), Sunday, 23 January 2005 02:25 (nineteen years ago) link

um, lest we forget.

― teeny (teeny), Sunday, 23 January 2005 02:27 (nineteen years ago) link

"wash that clam you salty girl" hahaha

I just tried to relate some of these gems to my wife. Her response: "That is a lot of flavors of WRONG."

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Sunday, 23 January 2005 02:29 (nineteen years ago) link

"Sterilise thy facking crumpet" just made me laugh like Muttley.

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Sunday, 23 January 2005 02:30 (nineteen years ago) link

Yes, Haibun and Tep were both divinely inspired. I stand revised.

I scroll past that story of Girolamo's very fast so there's no chance I might accidentally reread any part of it. The nightmares are bad enough.

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 23 January 2005 02:30 (nineteen years ago) link

Has your cauldron come to bubble?
Causing untold toil and trouble?
On his prick and on his thumbs
something wicked icky comes?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 02:54 (nineteen years ago) link

In your Denmark something's rotten
and though I've handkerchief of cotton
From my nostrils please do banish
every trace of your cheese danish.
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 03:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Would your fella rather rim
Than get near your scary trim?
If it's so, then don't blame him
Just do something 'bout that quim.
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 23 January 2005 03:01 (nineteen years ago) link

Blow wind! Crack your cheeks!
Distract me from this awful reek!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 03:06 (nineteen years ago) link

Full fathom five thy father lies
fleeing from thy stanky thighs
Sea nymphs hourly ring his knell
but to smell such stuff is surer hell
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 03:12 (nineteen years ago) link

Parting your thighs is such foul sorrow
I promise, no really, I'll call thee tomorrow
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 03:17 (nineteen years ago) link

If you don't keep that stank in check
Someone's getting a broken neck
It's bad enough he had to sniff that brew,
But then you gave him whiplash too.
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 23 January 2005 03:19 (nineteen years ago) link

If your vadges have offended
Think but this, and all is mended
We have the thing to soothe your ill
(with apologies to Shakespeare, Will).
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 03:25 (nineteen years ago) link

(There was a "double double" upthread, I had to throw in some more Shakespeare.)

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 03:26 (nineteen years ago) link

Smelling like
An old mink stole?
Quench that fire
In the hole!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Sunday, 23 January 2005 04:34 (nineteen years ago) link

All your partner
Licks are lollies?
Get rid of the
Creepy crawlies
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Sunday, 23 January 2005 04:46 (nineteen years ago) link

I seriously rocked my buns off to the explosive force of LYSOL DOUCHE

― Captain Obvious, Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:18 (nineteen years ago) link

A certain sign a
man's disgusted
with vagina
(red and rusted)
is to find a
jewel encrusted
pussy duster
up inside ya
to extinguish
that rank fire
beathapussahupbeathapussahup
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:37 (nineteen years ago) link

Do they cringe
When you doff your gown?
Then smack it up, flip it,
Rub it down
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:42 (nineteen years ago) link

Upon smelling
Your vagina
Does his face freeze
Just like Brent Spiner?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:44 (nineteen years ago) link

Does your inner rank aroma
Induce a deadly six month coma?
Are your meaty fins so rank
You crack the windows from the stank?
Does your damp and luscious odor
make your lovers wanna motor?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:49 (nineteen years ago) link

Are touring hippies getting their stalk on,
Worshipping the ground you walk on?
Do they love you? No, you wish:
They just love the smell of Phish.
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:52 (nineteen years ago) link

When you partake in lots of hard sex
Those lips need more than just some Carmex
If you need some extra clout
Here's what'll wash Old Faithful out:
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:53 (nineteen years ago) link

Dude, I think the meaty fins one made me ill.

Keep it up!

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:55 (nineteen years ago) link

Has your "little man in boat"
Started smelling like a goat?
And fellas!
Has your dangling scrote
Acquired a hairy asscrumb coat?
Time to freshen up; please note
I can sing it out by rote:
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:56 (nineteen years ago) link

Someone shoulda
told her soona
You can tune a piano but
Don't pee on the tuna
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:58 (nineteen years ago) link

Here, please let me set the scene
for perfect feminine hygiene
for to keep that cooter clean
and polished to a glossy sheen
the bum, the belly, and all between:
the supple folds, the nubby bean,
the stuff that boys all find so keen
(and certain girls, know what i mean?)
It's good for more than just for peein',
He'll skip the ABC and stick the D in
Treat that whore just like a Queen
Disinfect from thigh to spleen
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 06:04 (nineteen years ago) link

I have found a perfect salve
For a lady's sour bivalve.
A wondrous cure for all the dusky
funk upon a fuzzy mollusk-y.
Grant me please this single wish:
It makes no sense to be shellfish.
Don't cloister that oyster!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 06:08 (nineteen years ago) link

It's no use to feign apathy
About the state of your baby factory.
Just one whiff of that whippersnapper
Could force a prayer in front of the crapper.
I don't mean this as a dig,
but put some lipstick on that pig
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 06:12 (nineteen years ago) link

Necessary pudend... I mean addendum.

"I love women, you know? I mean, my mother's a woman and so is my wife. So I've learned to love them."
-Bill Cosby

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 06:14 (nineteen years ago) link

This is, by the way, probably the most productive thing I've done all day.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 06:14 (nineteen years ago) link

I salute you.

― ()ops (()()ps), Sunday, 23 January 2005 06:23 (nineteen years ago) link

Got the spirit? Heaven Blessed?
Put your hygiene to the test
Time to test out holy powers
The Pope John Paul of pussy showers
We swear that it'll be your saviour
When lavished all up in your labia
For a holy hole all full of zest
The Passion of the Snapper's best
LYSOL DOUCHE (kosher certified)

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 06:33 (nineteen years ago) link

just like corn
you'd best remember
canned is good
but fresh is better
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 06:36 (nineteen years ago) link

I saw the best cunts of my generation destroyed by vaginal odor, stinking hysterical naked dragging themselves through the suburban streets at dawn looking for a glorious fix of
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 06:38 (nineteen years ago) link

"This Is Just To Say"

i would have eaten
the vag
that was in
your panties

but when I saw
you were probably
storing
nachos in there

forgive me
I was so nauseous
so putrid
and clammy.

LYSOL DOUCHE

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 06:43 (nineteen years ago) link

He went down
and got offenda?
Give your man
a CLEAN pudenda!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 23 January 2005 07:34 (nineteen years ago) link

He's loving, tender,
And worth a deuce -
Don't make him drink
Tobacco juice!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 23 January 2005 07:42 (nineteen years ago) link

(That first line of the last one don't scan right; I apologize)

Dirty pillows
Are OK
If you stir
Your curds & whey
LYSOL DOUCHE

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 23 January 2005 07:48 (nineteen years ago) link

He left you
A Cleveland Steamer
But your clam
Was even meaner!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 23 January 2005 07:49 (nineteen years ago) link

Now I lay me
Down to sleep
I pray the Lord
Your smoo don't seep
LYSOL DOUCHE

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 23 January 2005 07:51 (nineteen years ago) link

OK, one more, because I just saw that DH recursion pic:

Does your lover
Gag and cough
Because you stink
Of Hasselhoff?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 23 January 2005 07:54 (nineteen years ago) link

I am pleased to see that my revive was welcomed so.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 January 2005 07:54 (nineteen years ago) link

I taste a liquor never brewed -
In Boats helmed by a Pearl -
Not all the Twats upon the Rhine
Yield such an Eau de Girl!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Douglas (Douglas), Sunday, 23 January 2005 08:55 (nineteen years ago) link

There's a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons -
That oppresses, like the Whiff
Of infected Poons -
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Douglas (Douglas), Sunday, 23 January 2005 08:59 (nineteen years ago) link

A narrow Fellow near the Ass
Occasionally rides -
You may have smelt Him - did you not
His notice sudden is -

The Ass divides as with a Comb -
(A drooping shaft is seen) -
And then it drips down at your feet
And oozes further on -

He likes a Boggy Acre
A Floor too cool for Corn -
Yet when a Boy, and Barefoot -
I more than once at Noon
Have passed, I thought, a Catfish
Eroding in the Sun
When stooping to secure it
It scurried, and was gone -

Several of Venus' Critters
I know, and they know me -
I feel for them a transport
Of Cordiality -

Yet never met this Fellow
Attended, or alone
Without a tighter breathing
And Zero urge to Bone -
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Douglas (Douglas), Sunday, 23 January 2005 09:09 (nineteen years ago) link

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by vadges

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 23 January 2005 11:08 (nineteen years ago) link

Some time ago someone I used to have casual sex with informed me, in bed, that my, er, "lingam" was actually too big for her "yoni". Yes, those were her exact words. You can imagine that this was a turn-off in more than one way. We haven't had sex ever since.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 23 January 2005 13:45 (nineteen years ago) link

Also, I think this is the perfect thread to remind you of what is probably the most classic exchange of words ever on ILE:

I'm 35 and I only learned how to give good head three days ago. The trick is to alternate between smacking the clitoris around and ignoring it for long stretches - like a cop breaking the spirit of a prisoner who's just killed his best mate. I learned it from a magazine article - written by a man who knew what he was talking about. Cosmopolitan has never been any bloody help.

-- colin s barrow (colinsbarro...), June 7th, 2003 8:34 PM. (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

u&k re technique finesse: has the prisoner killed the cop's best mate or his own best mate?

-- mark s (mar...), June 7th, 2003 9:07 PM. (later)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 23 January 2005 14:04 (nineteen years ago) link

Douglas Wolk, you are the Norton Anthology of Vadge Poetry.

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Sunday, 23 January 2005 16:50 (nineteen years ago) link

There's a Google query for ya!

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 23 January 2005 16:55 (nineteen years ago) link

Ha, damn, I just saw that I was beat to the Hasselhoff Douche. Damn you!

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 17:03 (nineteen years ago) link

Holy hell
what's the smell
in your little green vag

did you poo
in your smoo
how could you not knew?

Such a stink
and I think
a chink in my ardor

Scrub it out
I really doubt
I could get less harder
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 17:20 (nineteen years ago) link

All of her lovers
all talk of her stench
and the perfume that covered her scent
And isn't she easy
And isn't she
Pretty in stink
The one who insists
he was first in the line
is the last to recover his sense
He's walking around
in a daze like a drunk
She is gone but the stench remains
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 17:31 (nineteen years ago) link

Now I gotta turn off Winamp or I'm never gonna get any work done.

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 23 January 2005 17:40 (nineteen years ago) link

Yer killin' me Douglas/Tep.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 21:04 (nineteen years ago) link

Grant your man
One simple wish
Extradite
That stonk of fish
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 24 January 2005 01:21 (nineteen years ago) link

Four & twenty blackbirds
Baked in your pie?
It's time to let
Those feathers fly!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 24 January 2005 06:06 (nineteen years ago) link

It's the fact that Jon back in the pre-pickle bar days found the image that started it all which also makes this thread what it is.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 January 2005 06:11 (nineteen years ago) link

Not to mention the fact that he didn't derail the thread with 6893 animated .gif's of purple dancing vadges.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Monday, 24 January 2005 06:14 (nineteen years ago) link

vadge horror stories (69 new answers, last at 5:11 pm)

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 24 January 2005 06:14 (nineteen years ago) link

Also, let me just say that Tep's Psych Furs variation there is of the gods.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 January 2005 06:26 (nineteen years ago) link

I ONCE FORGOT MY TAMPON AND I LEFT IT IN SO LONG THAT A RAYON TREE GREW OUT OF MY VAGINA!!!!

― ade (Adrian Langston), Monday, 24 January 2005 09:51 (nineteen years ago) link

I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that you would rinse your 'gine
But I know
That this time
I have smelled too much
It's too unkind
I try to laugh about it
Cover it up with Old Spice
I try to laugh about it
Wiping the tears from my eyes
'Cause boy, that's ripe!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 24 January 2005 15:41 (nineteen years ago) link

Standing by the bed
Aerosol in my hand
Staring at the walls
Staring at the sand
Staring at the pussy
From which smelliness abounds
I can see its perky lips
But the odor? ZOUNDS!
I'm alive
I'm dead
I am the stranger
Douching a pussy
LYSOL DOUCHE

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 24 January 2005 15:43 (nineteen years ago) link

I would rather not go
Back to the rot twat
There's too many
Bad memories there
Too many memories
There....
There....
There....
LYSOL DOUCHE

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 24 January 2005 15:45 (nineteen years ago) link

I love you.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 January 2005 15:47 (nineteen years ago) link

My knees on the ground
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
My mouth on your mound, you smell like the Sound
And you're hungry like the wolf
You straddle my face, and give me a taste,
I'm lost in a cunt that smells like smoo
It's like it's alive, oh please let me die,
but you're still hungry like the wolf
... LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 24 January 2005 23:01 (nineteen years ago) link

Got me a douche and
I want you to know
Clean up your cooter
I want you to know
Girl you're so groovy
I want you to know
I just can't eat you
you smell like un
chien andalusia
smell like un
chien andalusia
smell like un
chien andalusia
smell like an un
chien andalusia
LYSOL DOUCHE
AHAHAHO

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 24 January 2005 23:15 (nineteen years ago) link

Not for all the tea in China
not if you could sing like a bird
not for all North Carolina
not for all your little words
Not for seven million bucks
and a lifetime of fried chicken
You'll have to settle for the fucks
(just settle for the fucks)
you are not so finger-lickin
Now that you've made me want to die
You tell me that you're unboyfriendable
And I should really run away
(run away oh run away)
But as I do let me just say:
LYSOL DOUCHE

Okay, okay, I'm done. It's, uh, dinner time.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 24 January 2005 23:24 (nineteen years ago) link

You love it and you know you do.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 January 2005 23:34 (nineteen years ago) link

Alice in her party dress
would-be suitors skulk away
needs to freshen up a bit
before she starts attracting strays
Lysol douche will do the trick
brisk as cool spring rains that fall she'll
spray it where the sun don't shine per-
-haps she ought to use it all to-dayayayayayay

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 00:44 (nineteen years ago) link

Jennifer this smells so wrong, it smells really frightening
Jennifer it smells so wrong, let's scrub it right now
Baby's cooze is "a little" nasty
And now my eyes are blind
Now her smell's on you
It smells like smoo-oo
Did you ever have a bad dream wake up and it not stop?
Did you ever feel for a girl for a time and then stop?
Well it's written there in blue
Wash the poon with some LYSOL DOUCHE

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

two weeks pass...

The missing part of this legendary experience -- the night this thread kicked in fully with Lysol Douche, Dan and I were chatting in AIM and our minds dwelt upon this project. Our minds got to work, and, well, the results below, saved on my computer until THIS VERY DAY. No names with each post so you don't know who to blame. ;-)

---

Even le douche de Lysol is more appealing
For real, HOW APPALLING IS THAT????
THE SCALDING
The itching the burning
Try Cruex
But hey, no baby.
No circulation
No orgasms
Not much of anything
But a clean clean piss
HAHAHAHAHA
"Ah! I give my urine to the world!"
"And I've never felt fresher!"
"...LYSOL DOUCHE. Your shit may stink, but your pee is free."
It'd have to be a very pink commercial
With unusual sound effects
PEEEEOOOO
Maybe an alternate model for kiddie TV shows. Two bunnies in a field.
"Mommy, do you ever have a problem, you know, PEEING FRESH?"
"Yes dear."
"What do you do?"
"What ALL the good bunnies do..."
"...LYSOL DOUCHE. If a fucking bunny can use it, WHY NOT YOU, ASSHOLE?"
10:05 PM
HAHAHAHA
I like the idea that all the fluffy commercials end with threats of death
*scene, beach
Oh my
beach *
A mother and daughter walk through the tide.
"Mom, do you ever have a problem..."
"Bitch, you keep asking me this."
"MOOOOM!"
"Here, use this."
"AUUUGH!"
"...LYSOL DOUCHE. Stop pissing off your mom, you moron."
"Serves you right, you gullible slut."
I'm dying here.
*scene, school hall *
JENNY: "Well, did you HEAR about the cheerleader?"
MUFFY: "What?"
JENNY: "She fucked the WHOLE football team."
MUFFY: "Gross!"
JENNY: "But she used Lysol Douche for the water sports!"
"...LYSOL DOUCHE. Come on, you stupid ho-bag, get with it."
ANDREA: *worried* Um, did she fuck the football team BEFORE last Thursday or after?
ALL: "Hahahahaha!" *twinkly music*
28 days
Through the thrush;
Time to clean
That uterus!
LYSOL DOUCHE
It's so happy!
_Buffy the Douche User_
HAHAHAHA
*doodle doodle dee*
"BUFFY! The vampires are coming!"
"I'LL DOUCHE THEM!"
Lysol product placement
The idea of SMG doing a spinning kick split onto a douche is dancing through my head.
"Buffy, why are you always huffing Lysol?"
Hahahaha
10:10 PM
A BEAUTIFUL image, sir
"And now the gynamstics team will do their floor exercise."
"Huuuuurrrr...*GRUNT*"
*audience flees*
HAHAHAHAHA
And now the 'power lunch'
*doodle doodle dee*
CLARA: "Well, I got the Johnson contract."
MARA: "Well, I got a Johnson."
*embarrassed silence*
MARA: "...but I had my Lysol!"
*sparkling laughter*
"...LYSOL DOUCHE. Stop just eating salad, you anorexic fleabags."
HAHAHAHAHA
*at a funeral*
DORIS: "So sad to see Mary end this way."
ANNA: "Don't worry Doris. She left us ALL her Lysol in her will."
DORIS: "Hurrah! Just what I need before my next hot flash!"
"...LYSOL DOUCHE. Huh-huh huh-huh, you're old."
OMG you are killing me
I have to say these are beautiful images
Let's see, what next
*on a camping trip*
LISA: "Well, I brought the Off!"
JOHN: "I'd rather get it on."
LISA: "Oh, Fred!"
JOHN: "Fred?"
LISA: "Oh, sorry...uh, want me to give you a douche?"
10:15 PM
JOHN: "JESUS CHRIST!"
HAHAHAHA
"...LYSOL DOUCHE. You think you know someone..."
LYSOL DOUCHE: Take it like a man!
You spineless worm!
*at a diner*
WAITRESS: "And what'll y'all have?"
BOB: "The fried eggs."
JUNIOR: "The HAPPY meal!"
PATSY: "Oh my god, I need a douche!"
WAITRESS: "Got the Lysol RIGHT HERE!"
ALL: "Yay!"
WAITRESS: "You want ketchup with that?"
"...LYSOL DOUCHE. Just don't order the omelette."
*On a train*
AGENT 1: Do you have the documents?
AGENT 2: No, but I do have the clap.
AGENT 1: You fucking whore.
*dying*
LYSOL DOUCHE: Um, what was I talking about again?
GHAHAA
Lovely
Okay here:
*big sci-fi movie tie in*
VIN DIESEL walks over the wasteland
VOICE: "RIDDDDDDDICCKKKKKKK!"
VIN: "I've made my choice. I'LL HAVE THE LYSOL!"
JUDI DENCH: "WELL, Riddick..."
VIN: You aren't afraid of a douche are you.
THANDIE NEWTON: "Only the best."
EVERYONE ELSE: "RIDDDICKKK'S DOOOOUCHE!
THANDIE NEWTON'S BREASTS: Ole!
"...LYSOL DOUCHE. Blast off when you blast off."
*on Arrakis*
10:20 PM
PAUL: "So how do I summon the worm?"
STILGAR: "Take this can of Ly-Sol."
PAUL: "The hell?"
STILGAR: "And put it in your pants."
PAUL: "Um."
STING: "I WILL DOUCHE YOU!"
HAHAHA
"...LYSOL DOUCHE. Fucking English teabag punk."
*on the Red Dwarf*
RIMMER: Lister, what the smeg is that?
LISTER: That, Lister, is your standard issue Lysol Douche.
DAN: Oh shit, I completely fucked up
LYSOL DOUCHE: Wow I'm tired
Hahahaha
*On the Death Star*
DARTH: "You should not have come back."
OBI: "If you strike me down, I will douche your goddamn ass so bad."
DARTH: "THE CIRCLE IS NOW COMPLETE!"
"...LYSOL DOUCHE. No, those aren't your wangs."
*In a Manhattan apartment*
MONICA: Rachel, have you seen my handbag?
RACHEL: Didn't PHoebe take it into the bathroom?
MONICA: PHOEBE???
PHOEBE: WHEW Monica, that douche is something else!
10:25 PM
Hahahaha!
MONICA: PHOEBE THAT WAS MY LAST ONE! Oh my God, what am I gonna do?
JOEY: I've got an idea...
LYSOL DOUCHE: I'll be there for you after you hit it with a boatload of crusty sailors.
HAHAHAHA
Lovely, very lovely. Let's see, I've got one:
*backstage at the Motley Crue show*
VINCE: "Fucking fuck, that fucking fuckslut put crabs on my balls!"
MICK: "Spread those asscheeks wide, son."
VINCE: "WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!"
NIKKI: "REPAIR ON THE ROAD!"
"...LYSOL DOUCHE. Why do you transvestites not take precautions?"
Haha
I am totally saving his
Yes, please
I will too. There is beautiful wrong here.
It didn't work at all, but the Red Dwarf one is sending me into hysterics.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 12 February 2005 16:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Dan and Ned in thinking women pee out of their vaginas shocker!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 12 February 2005 17:43 (nineteen years ago) link

That Lysol Douche can get into all sorts of wacky places! Like urethras. Um.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 12 February 2005 17:47 (nineteen years ago) link

dan in having a poor grasp of anatomy shockah

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 12 February 2005 18:02 (nineteen years ago) link

ken c in beating a dead horse shockah.

― Ian John50n (orion), Saturday, 12 February 2005 18:05 (nineteen years ago) link

Dan and Ned in thinking women pee out of their vaginas shocker!

Creative reinterpretation surely has a place.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 12 February 2005 18:10 (nineteen years ago) link

Click here if you aren't at work (unless you are ken c, in which case only click when you are at work, you sarcastic poopypants).

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 12 February 2005 18:15 (nineteen years ago) link

haha beating a dead horse

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 12 February 2005 18:19 (nineteen years ago) link

That Death Star scenario is off the hook.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Saturday, 12 February 2005 18:57 (nineteen years ago) link

peehole!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 12 February 2005 22:38 (nineteen years ago) link

anyway the point is you don't douche yer peehole.

or maybe you do.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 12 February 2005 22:47 (nineteen years ago) link

Are you discounting the power of SPLASHBACK?

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 13 February 2005 18:50 (nineteen years ago) link

three months pass...

Let us bow our heads in acknowledgement.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 16 May 2005 14:21 (eighteen years ago) link

This is shaping up to be the best day ever.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 May 2005 14:33 (eighteen years ago) link

surprisingly low on vadge horror stories.

― cozen (Cozen), Monday, 16 May 2005 16:16 (eighteen years ago) link

That's part of the reason why it's the best day ever.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 May 2005 16:18 (eighteen years ago) link

I would like to hear some penii horror stories.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Monday, 16 May 2005 16:42 (eighteen years ago) link

"I said al dente!"

― The Ghost of Fun With Homophones (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 May 2005 16:43 (eighteen years ago) link

four months pass...

The spirit has been revived elsewhere. But the original should not be forgotten.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 29 September 2005 15:56 (eighteen years ago) link

Twat neglect has come to this,
Now it hurts when you go piss —
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 29 September 2005 16:00 (eighteen years ago) link

He smacked it up, flipped it,
And rubbed it down -
So don't be cruel,
Ms. Bobby Brown!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 29 September 2005 16:41 (eighteen years ago) link

You just made all of my teeth fall out.

― O'so Krispie (Ex Leon), Thursday, 29 September 2005 16:43 (eighteen years ago) link

*hack*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 29 September 2005 16:45 (eighteen years ago) link

Don't look now,
But something lurky
Within your rancid
Green beef jerky!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 29 September 2005 16:48 (eighteen years ago) link

Sorry, that Whitney Houston story from popbitch is probably the funniest thing I've read this week.

― O'so Krispie (Ex Leon), Thursday, 29 September 2005 16:50 (eighteen years ago) link

Do you DRINK gravy? Is that gross?

― The Ghost of (sorry) (Dan Perry), Thursday, 29 September 2005 17:14 (eighteen years ago) link

four months pass...

http://thewvsr.com/lysol.jpg

LYSOL DOUCHE~!

― Slumpman (Slump Man), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:33 (eighteen years ago) link

safeguard your dainty feminine allure

― Slumpman (Slump Man), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:34 (eighteen years ago) link

God, I feel like I am in an ILX version of A Christmas Carol today.

first thought = grrr that shd be "doubts OWING to" = time for a new dayjob
second thought = pah funnier wd be "1 x intimate neglect" = TIME FOR A NEW DAYJOB

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:45 (eighteen years ago) link

It's so nice to see the ad restored to its rightful place.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:53 (eighteen years ago) link

Yes, most men prefer a totally dry vagina.

― Dan (Friction Burn = SEXXXY) Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:56 (eighteen years ago) link

It's a fine line between love and grate.

― pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:00 (eighteen years ago) link

There once was a woman called Alice
Who used dynamite in place of a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And parts of her anus in Dallas

― john clarkson, Friday, 24 February 2006 21:31 (eighteen years ago) link

as good as this thread was, it never quite rose to the level of sheer wtfness of its opening post

― Thomas Tallis (Tommy), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:47 (eighteen years ago) link

wtf this actually existed?????????

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:55 (eighteen years ago) link

From a '30s magazine's classifieds I have an ad for what can only be described as an antiquated prostate massager. Fabulously, the orders were to be sent to South Bend, Indiana.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:57 (eighteen years ago) link

Hoosier pride baby

― Thomas Tallis (Tommy), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:23 (eighteen years ago) link

antiquated prostates need all the help they can get.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:32 (eighteen years ago) link

Accidental
Amphimixis?
Now you can
Avoid that crisis!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Abbott (Abbott), Saturday, 25 February 2006 17:36 (eighteen years ago) link

Don't worry:
We told Bill O'Reilly
It's not really
Infanticidey!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Abbott (Abbott), Saturday, 25 February 2006 17:37 (eighteen years ago) link

Couldn't stop
Your penile throbbing?
There's a way
To stop her sobbing!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Abbott (Abbott), Saturday, 25 February 2006 17:38 (eighteen years ago) link

"How did I
Shot sperm in pussy?"
Spiderman
Now needn't worry!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Abbott (Abbott), Saturday, 25 February 2006 17:38 (eighteen years ago) link

eleven months pass...

I dreamt I had a blind date, with spoilers
900 miles in diapers and rejected screen names
What did you eat today? Because the other one
was getting unwieldy, free smells:
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tuesdays With Morimoto (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 00:25 (seventeen years ago) link

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r76/lucy2lola/giner.jpg

― lil' latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 02:09 (seventeen years ago) link

holy crap, my wife wants that as a t-shirt

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 02:15 (seventeen years ago) link

crosspost

vadgetarian?

― darragh.mac (darragh.mac), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 02:28 (seventeen years ago) link

I don't know what surprises me more -- that outbreaks of the thread still recur two and a half years later, or that no one's linked it to the fleshlight thread.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 02:37 (seventeen years ago) link

I was directed here by a fellow ILXor, presumably to share with you that this weekend--after, and perhaps as a result of the Bears' defeat in the Superbowl--I, a 31 year old GWM, had my first face-to-face with a vadge. It was ridiculous. The encounter, and the vadge.

― I do have a surname, but it's silent. (unclejessjess), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 23:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Sudden in a shaft of sunlight
Even while the dust moves
There rises the hidden laughter
Of children in the foliage
Quick now, here, now, always—
Ridiculous the waste sad vadge
Stretching before and after
Lol pwnt.

― geoff (gcannon), Thursday, 8 February 2007 00:23 (seventeen years ago) link

jess do tell

― Charmmy Kitty's Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn (ex machina), Thursday, 8 February 2007 00:23 (seventeen years ago) link

I'm hoping this involves an actual vagina face.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 8 February 2007 00:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Like the frat boys are known for saying, "I was drunk" or maybe "I was just experimenting."

― I do have a surname, but it's silent. (unclejessjess), Thursday, 8 February 2007 00:43 (seventeen years ago) link

face-to-face?

― jambalaya backgammon (grady), Thursday, 8 February 2007 00:58 (seventeen years ago) link

I'm hoping this involves an actual vagina face.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/WilliamCrump63/vadgehorrorstory.jpg

― Tuesdays With Morimoto (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 8 February 2007 00:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Maybe hoping isn't quite right.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 8 February 2007 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

girl's got some trippy pubes.

― jambalaya backgammon (grady), Thursday, 8 February 2007 01:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Bob's Big Boy or a sleeping Elvis impersonator? hmm...

― Tuesdays With Morimoto (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 8 February 2007 01:06 (seventeen years ago) link

jess did you DO IT with the vagina???

― grbchv! (skowly), Thursday, 8 February 2007 01:08 (seventeen years ago) link

scg's story still sort of wins everything on this thread

xpost sounds like it was more of a vadge meet-n-greet

― Elsa Svitborg (tracerhand), Thursday, 8 February 2007 01:11 (seventeen years ago) link

Miami style.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 8 February 2007 01:16 (seventeen years ago) link

why don't I get invited to those

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 8 February 2007 01:17 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.aliviastoys.com/mylittlepony/blueseapony.jpg
Face to face
http://www.aliviastoys.com/mylittlepony/pinkseapony.jpg
No telling lies

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 8 February 2007 01:31 (seventeen years ago) link

David R you motherfucker

― Elsa Svitborg (tracerhand), Thursday, 8 February 2007 02:27 (seventeen years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Guy won't sup that
Tuna colada?
Ordinary douches,
Must try harder.
Scrape those barnacles
Fizzle that phlegm
'Cos yours ain't no cave
Of hidden gems
...LYSOL DOUCHE

― JTS, Monday, 26 February 2007 20:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Scarlett was a-bangin' in the Civil War
But she had cling-ons, "just like paw"
Due to the times, she tried a gherkin
But as Mammy worked out, "it just ain't workin"
Rhett, damnless, left in furiosity
He could no longer cope with vadge viscosity!
.... LYSOL DOUCHE!

― JTS, Monday, 26 February 2007 20:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Mount that bidet
Douche that V
Let people know
Your clange is to a T
... LYSOL DOUCHE

― JTS, Monday, 26 February 2007 20:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Feminine fumes
Drive your guy waco?
Time to scrub out
That Tampax taco!
...LYSOL DOUCHE

― JTS, Monday, 26 February 2007 20:27 (seventeen years ago) link

IZZY STRADLIN 4EVAH

― David R., Monday, 26 February 2007 20:31 (seventeen years ago) link

In 1994 my friend Tom lost his virginity to a rotund goth girl, his brother's friends were making fun of him for having sex with an "ug", this is what Jeff had to say:

"Shit, pussy ain't got a face, and if it does, you best be running away."

― nickalicious, Monday, 26 February 2007 20:36 (seventeen years ago) link

Ere had she the fluidity
Of a canal barge
But time, it was against her
Stalactiting the vardge
Her romeo loved her like the stars
Even though she was scaly and tight
But one day she'll be just like them
When the limpets come out at night
... LYSOL DOUCHE

― JTS, Monday, 26 February 2007 22:01 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.ilxor.com:8080/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=60&threadid=5591

― JW, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 00:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Have I outstayed my welcome? Because I have a lot more.

― JTS, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 00:43 (seventeen years ago) link

Nickalicious, did your story happen in MN by chance?

― John Justen, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 00:46 (seventeen years ago) link

Sue was feelin' itchy
Sam was feelin' hoochy
Sue bought out the bitchy
'Cos of that ranklin' coochie
Paula Abdul dialled her
To divulge the secret duty
Sue, bemused, asked "Straight up?"
"Yeah straight up that booty!"
"Just hoist youself in stirrups,
Catch driplets in a beaker
And if you find toy soldiers,
Just phone my friend Martika!"
... LYSOL DOUCHE!!!

― JTS, Wednesday, 28 February 2007 00:51 (seventeen years ago) link

six months pass...

Still proud of my contributions here.

― forksclovetofu, Sunday, 9 September 2007 21:16 (sixteen years ago) link

nine months pass...

You know, J0hn's Sisters of Mercy pastiche was grossly under-appreciated here.

― HI DERE, Friday, 27 June 2008 11:45 (fifteen years ago) link

Don't make your man
go up the bum
just cause you're cunny's
lined with scum!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 11:58 (fifteen years ago) link

I mean yes, yes it was.

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 11:58 (fifteen years ago) link

you know, the grammar gaffe makes that even more awesome

― HI DERE, Friday, 27 June 2008 11:59 (fifteen years ago) link

GAH I NEVER DO THAT

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 12:01 (fifteen years ago) link

This i why i need to be a mod

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 12:02 (fifteen years ago) link

"you are cunnies lined with scum" is a great put-down, though.

― HI DERE, Friday, 27 June 2008 12:06 (fifteen years ago) link

I shall mention this thread to Lukey G next time I see him.

― chap, Friday, 27 June 2008 12:43 (fifteen years ago) link

Your honey makes
Your boyfriend quake?
Steralize
Your Tastykake!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― David R., Friday, 27 June 2008 13:23 (fifteen years ago) link

If your cooze
Gets awful runny
And your guy
Thinks it tastes funny -
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 13:29 (fifteen years ago) link

Toxic shock?
Quitcher whinin!
Do something nice
For your vagina, and
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 13:31 (fifteen years ago) link

oh god my contributions were terrible.

― Autumn Almanac, Friday, 27 June 2008 13:33 (fifteen years ago) link

General Tso
Will wince and glower
If your wonton's
Sweet and sour
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― David R., Friday, 27 June 2008 13:35 (fifteen years ago) link

If your partners
Want a taste,
Protect them from
A mouth of paste
LYSOL DOUCHE

― HI DERE, Friday, 27 June 2008 13:36 (fifteen years ago) link

If you've got a date,
And he puts his suit on
You'd better douse
Those menstrual croutons
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 14:00 (fifteen years ago) link

If that boy's gon'
Fly the coop let
Lysol drain your
Vag'nal omelette
LYSOL DOUCHE

― libcrypt, Friday, 27 June 2008 17:04 (fifteen years ago) link

Since you know
That cheeky bugger
Wants to eat
Your stale facehugger
LYSOL DOUCHE

― HI DERE, Friday, 27 June 2008 17:41 (fifteen years ago) link

Crust of vag
Is not a joke
So take care of
Yr penis poke
LYSOL DOUCHE

― libcrypt, Friday, 27 June 2008 17:51 (fifteen years ago) link

-- x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, June 18, 2004 2:40 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

― remy bean, Friday, 27 June 2008 17:56 (fifteen years ago) link

DRAIN THAT POOKY!

― HI DERE, Friday, 27 June 2008 17:57 (fifteen years ago) link

aka BURN THE WITCH 2008

― remy bean, Friday, 27 June 2008 17:58 (fifteen years ago) link

http://img175.imageshack.us/img175/2213/posterteethteaseroneshelq6.jpg

― titchyschneiderMk2, Saturday, 28 June 2008 12:38 (fifteen years ago) link

Shouldn't that be "LISTERINE DOUCHE"?

― HI DERE, Saturday, 28 June 2008 12:39 (fifteen years ago) link

vadge with teeth?

― Autumn Almanac, Saturday, 28 June 2008 15:47 (fifteen years ago) link

i got some hairs caught in my teeth and wound up inadvertently flossing with em....but i dunno that that's unique at all.....

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Monday, 30 June 2008 03:33 (fifteen years ago) link

we missed you bjo

― electricsound, Monday, 30 June 2008 03:36 (fifteen years ago) link

you ruled bo jackson you played both professional baseball and football at the same time my whole family thought that was outstanding

― iiiijjjj, Monday, 30 June 2008 03:40 (fifteen years ago) link

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/7510/slickricktherulersback2wh0.jpg

― J0rdan S., Monday, 30 June 2008 03:42 (fifteen years ago) link

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Prostars_title.jpg

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Monday, 30 June 2008 03:48 (fifteen years ago) link

I cant see anything there bo.

also hello ^_^

― wilter, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:03 (fifteen years ago) link

ya apparently I fucked the link up...s'okay, wasn't anything incendiary

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:04 (fifteen years ago) link

that Teeth movie btw is fucking awesome

spoiler: she bites off dudes' dicks with her vadge

― J0hn D., Monday, 30 June 2008 04:15 (fifteen years ago) link

As a 22-year-old male virgin, some of what I saw in this picture is quite shocking and had me squirming in my seat on more than one occasion, trying to hold on to my manhood (so to speak) and enjoy a well-crafted coming-of-age horror-comedy.

― wilter, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:19 (fifteen years ago) link

One night stand?
Now David Schwimmer's
Left a million
Little swimmers?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:23 (fifteen years ago) link

Supreme Court
making you feel antsy?
Spritz our seltzer
down your pants-y
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:25 (fifteen years ago) link

He saw and conquered
Then he came
Don't cry dear
They're all the same
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:27 (fifteen years ago) link

Has your squid
slipped into squalor
Crack the window
and just holler
"LYSOL DOUCHE"

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:28 (fifteen years ago) link

Not just great as
disinfectant
Try us you'll be
unexpectant
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:31 (fifteen years ago) link

you can tell I'm on deadline

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:31 (fifteen years ago) link

http://members.shaw.ca/revchu/stuff/men2zb.gif

― salsa shark, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 00:15 (fifteen years ago) link

that pic never fails to brighten up my day.

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 00:52 (fifteen years ago) link

Dayglo anime
Surprise
Flowing freely
From your thighs?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 00:55 (fifteen years ago) link

Tattoo on your
lower back?
Bet you need
to cleanse that crack!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Dimension 5ive, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 03:42 (fifteen years ago) link

two weeks pass...

http://cdnassets.ordienetworks.com/images/user_photos/693238/image-4_fullsize.jpg?a76b5203

Lysol clears away the cobwebs!!

― Slumpman, Wednesday, 16 July 2008 17:28 (fifteen years ago) link

"if i pretend to read this newspaper she'll eventually leave and take her stinking cockpocket with her"

― Slumpman, Wednesday, 16 July 2008 17:29 (fifteen years ago) link

a friend of a friend of mine has three lips, ew. any advances?

-- lukey (Lukey G), Thursday, 10 June 2004 10:52 (4 years ago) Link

Hold on, let's back way up to this um...sensual labyrinth...so that actually happens?

Kinda related, I know of these "identical" twins, two brothers, one has one ball and the other has three. I might have this backwards, but I think the three-ball twin is also the smart one.

― RabiesAngentleman, Wednesday, 16 July 2008 17:40 (fifteen years ago) link

At least they weren't Siamese twins.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 16 July 2008 17:42 (fifteen years ago) link

If i had to choose, i would choose one ball over three. I hope i never have to make that choice!

― Slumpman, Wednesday, 16 July 2008 17:45 (fifteen years ago) link

less is more, in this instance

― Slumpman, Wednesday, 16 July 2008 17:46 (fifteen years ago) link

Yeah but you could just get one removed and be back to average.

― RabiesAngentleman, Wednesday, 16 July 2008 17:48 (fifteen years ago) link

'Did Hitler have only one testicle?'

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 16 July 2008 17:49 (fifteen years ago) link

where would they be joined??? (xxxp)

― RabiesAngentleman, Wednesday, 16 July 2008 17:49 (fifteen years ago) link

but then you would have left or right centred balls. either that or a big gap in the middle.
Also, i'd sort of miss it once it was gone. Not enough to not have it removed in the first place, but enough to give me pangs of regret here and there.

― Slumpman, Wednesday, 16 July 2008 17:51 (fifteen years ago) link

I imagine they'd do some cosmetic sewing, right? This is getting painful to discuss...

― RabiesAngentleman, Wednesday, 16 July 2008 17:58 (fifteen years ago) link

woah, what if they could get all like a newton's cradle and smack their nuts really hard together to fix this dilemma. yeh?

― yungblut, Thursday, 17 July 2008 03:54 (fifteen years ago) link

two months pass...

http://tinyurl.com/3ja5xw

― rollerbeef, Tuesday, 14 October 2008 00:13 (fifteen years ago) link

lol bomb

― ILX Systern (ken c), Tuesday, 14 October 2008 00:18 (fifteen years ago) link

fail

― lil yawne (harbl), Tuesday, 14 October 2008 00:28 (fifteen years ago) link

four weeks pass...

http://maudnewton.com/images/2008/20081111_lysol.jpg

― mookieproof, Tuesday, 11 November 2008 21:06 (fifteen years ago) link

ten months pass...

Five years later
five years gone
Look who's catching up:
Salon Dot Com

LYSOL DOUCHE

― mojitos (a cocktail) (Cave17Matt), Tuesday, 6 October 2009 21:32 (fourteen years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVxm-SO6Vdo&feature=related

― Hillary had Everest in his veins (sunny successor), Tuesday, 6 October 2009 22:24 (fourteen years ago) link

totally thought this was the thread with my cadaver vagina stories

― butt sound insanity (gbx), Tuesday, 6 October 2009 22:51 (fourteen years ago) link

the thread with WHAT? please find and link!

― mh, Tuesday, 6 October 2009 22:52 (fourteen years ago) link

oh man

― butt sound insanity (gbx), Tuesday, 6 October 2009 22:53 (fourteen years ago) link

!!!

― existential eggs (Abbott), Wednesday, 7 October 2009 01:54 (fourteen years ago) link

cadaver vagina stories

― steamed hams (harbl), Wednesday, 7 October 2009 01:56 (fourteen years ago) link

board/tabletop games

― Alex Quebec (WmC), Wednesday, 7 October 2009 02:02 (fourteen years ago) link

six months pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bh3AmPFArVc

― A piping hot bra of tits (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 18 April 2010 14:04 (fourteen years ago) link

nine months pass...

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=F2UWMEUU

― الله basedأكبر (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 12 February 2011 16:47 (thirteen years ago) link

six months pass...

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1180/952589017_ada5b6da70_o.jpg

― remy bean, Sunday, 4 September 2011 22:28 (twelve years ago) link

one year passes...

Just remembered this thread. I'll always love you, Lysol Douche.

― Madchen, Friday, 8 March 2013 20:38 (eleven years ago) link

"...and when they looked down, all they saw attached to the vagina was A HOOK!"
― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, June 10, 2004 7:09 AM (8 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"'Ma'am," said the police operator, "'The calls are coming from INSIDE YOUR VAGINA!'"
― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, June 10, 2004 7:10 AM (8 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― sleepingbag, Friday, 8 March 2013 21:10 (eleven years ago) link

this is amazing

― sleepingbag, Friday, 8 March 2013 21:10 (eleven years ago) link

Memories, corners of mind, etc.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 8 March 2013 21:17 (eleven years ago) link

oh man, that ridiculous AIM chat

― "Bellini." (DJP), Friday, 8 March 2013 21:20 (eleven years ago) link

LYSOL?????????????????
― luna (luna.c), Friday, June 18, 2004 10:08 AM (8 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 8 March 2013 21:23 (eleven years ago) link

leaving stains
all round his forehead?
izzy stradlin
something horrid?
LYSOL DOUCHE
― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, June 18, 2004 9:33 PM (8 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

all-time.

― c sharp major, Friday, 8 March 2013 21:40 (eleven years ago) link

yes

― "Bellini." (DJP), Friday, 8 March 2013 21:40 (eleven years ago) link

genius

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 8 March 2013 21:42 (eleven years ago) link

Just remembered it's International Women's Day :-/

― Madchen, Friday, 8 March 2013 21:44 (eleven years ago) link

haha I thought that's why you revived this!

― "Bellini." (DJP), Friday, 8 March 2013 21:50 (eleven years ago) link

it's like the vagina monologues, in a way

― 凸凹凸凹凸凹凸 (c sharp major), Friday, 8 March 2013 22:07 (eleven years ago) link

I was worried about vaginas.
I was worried about what we think about vaginas
And I was even more worried
that we don't think about them.
I was worried about my own vagina.
LYSOL DOUCHE

― 凸凹凸凹凸凹凸 (c sharp major), Friday, 8 March 2013 22:24 (eleven years ago) link

― Darth Icky (DJP), Friday, 8 March 2013 22:25 (eleven years ago) link

uh oh

― ≪江南Style≫ (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 8 March 2013 22:26 (eleven years ago) link

never forget

― mookieproof, Friday, 8 March 2013 22:32 (eleven years ago) link

wow

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 8 March 2013 22:34 (eleven years ago) link

: O

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Friday, 8 March 2013 22:38 (eleven years ago) link

some things are best forgotten, forever

― ≪江南Style≫ (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 8 March 2013 22:40 (eleven years ago) link

and then there is the Dreadful Cunnilingus Incident

― Darth Icky (DJP), Friday, 8 March 2013 22:41 (eleven years ago) link

no way ilx should have a town square with a statue of DJP in honor of such stories

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 8 March 2013 22:41 (eleven years ago) link

that should absolutely happen

― ≪江南Style≫ (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 9 March 2013 00:17 (eleven years ago) link

with a rim that can be rolled up to win

― ≪江南Style≫ (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 9 March 2013 00:17 (eleven years ago) link

Buyer Beware: The case of Lysol disinfectant

― Let's talk more my bunny! (doo dah), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 01:26 (eleven years ago) link

two months pass...

a friend of a friend of mine has three lips, ew. any advances?
― lukey (Lukey G), Thursday, June 10, 2004 6:52 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― they are either militarists (ugh) or kangaroos (?) (DJP), Tuesday, 4 June 2013 20:31 (ten years ago) link

This, the BNL album cover thread, AND thread for pictures of Drake looking ridiculous all revived today!

― emilys., Tuesday, 4 June 2013 23:05 (ten years ago) link

http://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_m83spjEDsk1rpbpum.jpg

― mookieproof, Wednesday, 5 June 2013 00:58 (ten years ago) link

what the

― johnny crunch, Wednesday, 5 June 2013 00:59 (ten years ago) link

loool i would kinda maybe buy those if they were real

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 00:59 (ten years ago) link

http://weknowmemes.com/2012/05/spongebob-is-a-tampon/

― Sir Lord Baltimora (Myonga Vön Bontee), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 01:51 (ten years ago) link

Most unfortunate author name?

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/P/B0051HEJ86.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

― ornamental cabbage (James Morrison), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 02:14 (ten years ago) link

no relation

― the Quim of Bendigo (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 02:14 (ten years ago) link

lol adam

― ¬╡▫ ▫╞⌠ (sic), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 03:44 (ten years ago) link

six years pass...

Actually Lysol was advertised as a contraceptive. Let's dig in. https://t.co/I0gx92kCUA
— Gillian Frank (@1gillianfrank1) June 10, 2019

― Arugula Raccoon (DJP), Monday, 10 June 2019 21:45 (four years ago) link

ten months pass...

“We must be clear that under no circumstance should our disinfectant products be administered into the human body (through injection, ingestion or any other route),”

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/apr/24/trump-lysol-injection-claim-maker-hits-back

― Madchen, Friday, 24 April 2020 15:25 (four years ago) link

loooool I was hoping this is why this thread was revived

― DJP, Friday, 24 April 2020 16:00 (four years ago) link