Let's all laugh at the Universal Dark Universe

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http://www.darkuniverse.com/

They keep muttering about this thing, and that Mummy reboot is supposed to kick it off, there are other movies already in the works. And now!

http://io9.gizmodo.com/universal-adds-phantom-of-the-opera-and-hunchback-of-no-1795853130

Alex Kurtzman, writer-director behind The Mummy, recently revealed to Fandom that “We know we’re going to do Frankenstein, Bride of Frankenstein, Dracula, Creature from the Black Lagoon, Phantom of the Opera, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Invisible Man.”

Avengers assemble! No wait...

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 6 June 2017 18:17 (two years ago) link

isn't there a thread already or was that just for nu-mummy...

scott seward, Tuesday, 6 June 2017 18:22 (two years ago) link

Yeah I thought there was, but my searching didn't turn it up.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 6 June 2017 18:25 (two years ago) link

All I can think of is that this has been at Universal Orlando since it opened in 1990 and has barely changed:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Universal%27s_Horror_Make-Up_Show

Sutcliffe Juugin' (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 6 June 2017 18:27 (two years ago) link

otm

he's also fouled up with NON-FAT (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 6 June 2017 18:38 (two years ago) link

Looking forward to the 2024 slate of Renfield vs. Igor, Mohel of Frankenstein, and Abbott & Costello Meet the Scorpion King.

Now that's dark!

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 6 June 2017 19:10 (two years ago) link

How can you improve on creature from the black lagoon

Never changed username before (cardamon), Tuesday, 6 June 2017 22:37 (two years ago) link

CGI, duh.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 June 2017 22:56 (two years ago) link

Also, not dark enough.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 June 2017 22:57 (two years ago) link

On the plus side: original already 3D!

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 June 2017 22:57 (two years ago) link

Time to add another D.

Ha, the website gives me strong 90s movie website vibes, all the way down to seeming to be made for 800x600 resolution.
The video under "Monsters legacy" that just consists of short clips from various old Universal horror movies is really good though, making them all look supremely entertaining. Shame they've dubbed in some super-corny epic music. I've hardly seen any of those old movies, but now I'd rather like to.

So, am I understanding it right that they're making new movies of various old horror characters, and then adding on some damned plot arc that ties the movies together? So we'll get Frankenstein drowning a girl in the black lagoon while the Phantom of the Opera plays "Come Sail Away"? Gosh.
Hope Robin Hood and Zorro will get to duel at some point.

Rimsky-Koskenkorva (Øystein), Tuesday, 6 June 2017 23:28 (two years ago) link

I just hope that this venture is enough of a failure that they don't dip any deeper into the post-classic monster era than Creature. No one needs The Mole People: Tokyo Drift or Monster on the Online Campus.

So, am I understanding it right that they're making new movies of various old horror characters, and then adding on some damned plot arc that ties the movies together?

That's my understanding. But it's also my understanding that they already kinda attempted this with Van Helsing (not to mention a slew of increasingly-unsuccessful crossover sequels back in the day). And then there's the thing where they've already put out a couple of remakes in recent years but no seriously this is the one where everything starts coming together.

That Kong Island thing looked to be the start of a monster series too. Was that the post credits scene I was the only one in my screening to hang around for or was it before?

Stevolende, Tuesday, 6 June 2017 23:57 (two years ago) link

If they had the imagination to update these as horrifying metaphorical ways to explore decaying infrastructure and police racism and despair deaths and random terror that plague our society, this could all be awesome, but that's not what they're going to do

El Tomboto, Wednesday, 7 June 2017 00:04 (two years ago) link

and it's not like it would take a lot of imagination to do that for all of these!

El Tomboto, Wednesday, 7 June 2017 00:10 (two years ago) link

yes turn movies into the news what a great idea it will take no imagination at all

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 00:16 (two years ago) link

what did I do to your breakfast cereal now?

El Tomboto, Wednesday, 7 June 2017 00:19 (two years ago) link

Yes, Stevolende, King Kong vs. Godzilla is go. We do indeed have competing monsterverses.

the Kong Godzilla thing is weird considering the extreme variation in tone between the two new movies

Number None, Wednesday, 7 June 2017 06:18 (two years ago) link

otm it's like alien vs dangermouse

K-hole MacLachlan (wins), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 06:27 (two years ago) link

irl there are different tones guys idkwtsty

D'mnuchin returns (darraghmac), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 07:34 (two years ago) link

v true and it's refreshing to see a King Kong vs Godzilla movie that reflects that reality

K-hole MacLachlan (wins), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 08:04 (two years ago) link

alien vs dangermouse

would watch tbf

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 08:25 (two years ago) link

But it's also my understanding that they already kinda attempted this with Van Helsing (not to mention a slew of increasingly-unsuccessful crossover sequels back in the day).

they did it with dracula untold a couple of years ago and then when it tanked they were like 'lol j/k next one's the real start of the shared universe, for realsies this time honest'

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 08:29 (two years ago) link

If they had the imagination to update these as horrifying metaphorical ways to explore decaying infrastructure and police racism and despair deaths and random terror that plague our society, this could all be awesome, but that's not what they're going to do

can we start a petition to put tombot in charge of these pls

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 08:30 (two years ago) link

Never said I wasn't on board for alien vs dangermouse tbf I was just agreeing that it's weird

K-hole MacLachlan (wins), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 08:32 (two years ago) link

shame we're gonna have to wait for ridley scott to die before it happens

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 08:35 (two years ago) link

Frankly, I would love it if they ditched the conservatism and went for a bunch of wild and disparate styles with these things (e.g. a sleazy low-budget Cohen/Henenlotter-esque Wolfman, a taut and hyper-stylized political thriller Invisible Man, a crazy psychedelic neo-giallo Frankenstein) instead of the 'grey and foreboding boilerplate action movie with a single translucent coat of horror' template that they clearly will be using to punch these things out.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 10:27 (two years ago) link

Wake me when we have Dracula vs. Kong.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 7 June 2017 11:25 (two years ago) link

universal also owns the rights to the fast and furious series, just sayin'

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 11:42 (two years ago) link

Frankenstein Drift

El Tomboto, Wednesday, 7 June 2017 11:52 (two years ago) link

god i very badly wanna see vin diesel scrap with the creature from the black lagoon

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 12:00 (two years ago) link

FYI for those unaware, the next film in the saga is Bride of Frankenstein. Before they've made a Dark Universe version of Frankenstein, yes. And they apparently do have Phantom of the Opera and the Hunchback of Notre Dame lined up. I kinda don't even know what to say. Good luck, I guess?

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 12:11 (two years ago) link

I do hope that there's a slew of quickie rip-off adaptations of these public domain properties released around the same time that totally muddy the waters of this endeavor.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 12:16 (two years ago) link

phantom and hunchback aren't even really canonical 'universal monsters' ffs

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 12:17 (two years ago) link

I do hope that there's a slew of quickie rip-off adaptations of these public domain properties released around the same time that totally muddy the waters of this endeavor.

ilx pre-covers the universal dark universe?

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 12:18 (two years ago) link

Why not! Dust off your camcorders, folks.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 12:46 (two years ago) link

I want a movie in which Mary Shelley, Bram Stoker, H. G. Wells, R. L. Stevenson, Victor Hugo, and Gaston Leroux are awakened from the grave to reclaim their intellectual property.

jmm, Wednesday, 7 June 2017 13:17 (two years ago) link

yes turn movies into the news what a great idea it will take no imagination at all

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, June 6, 2017 8:16 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Right? When have monster movies or horror films ever dealt with the cultural zeitgeist or deep-seated social anxieties? The George Romero "Dead" movies were not in any way metaphorical, nor was the original "Godzilla."

Old Lynch's Sex Paragraph (Phil D.), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 13:23 (two years ago) link

"The Host" also had nothing whatsoever to say about American militarism and imperialism, it was just a monster movie and THAT'S ALL.

Old Lynch's Sex Paragraph (Phil D.), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 13:29 (two years ago) link

I mean, also, they'll probably manage to mess up the psychological metaphors that are there already in the classic films

Never changed username before (cardamon), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:33 (two years ago) link

By changing things around a bit but not enough, so as with most re-makes you end up with slop

Never changed username before (cardamon), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:34 (two years ago) link

^ Trenchant

Never changed username before (cardamon), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:34 (two years ago) link

wat if Frankenstein but made by isis

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:38 (two years ago) link

dotor jekyll but good 1 is bad

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:40 (two years ago) link

Who is the real monster, Frankenstein or that guy who made him whose name I don't know?

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 17:19 (two years ago) link

invisible man but he's partially visible

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 17:39 (two years ago) link

I have seen the Dark Universe, yawning,
Where the blockbusters cruise without aim;
Where they cruise in their "horror" unneeded, each ghost held aloft by a name.

Beetle Juice continued to spit all over our drinks (contenderizer), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 17:59 (two years ago) link

Bride of Frankenstein, but also Frankenstein cuz she cannot decide on gender so he keeps taking out the stitches to swap out the junk.

Rimsky-Koskenkorva (Øystein), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 18:47 (two years ago) link

Get thee to a Frankenhooker, Øystein.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 18:47 (two years ago) link

omg

Rimsky-Koskenkorva (Øystein), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 18:49 (two years ago) link

It's not quite what you describe but there are indeed some Frankensteinian gender-swapping hijinks in that acclaimed film.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 19:01 (two years ago) link

universe where every1 is invisible xcept one guy and he is the visible man

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 8 June 2017 11:58 (two years ago) link

Also it's Dark

El Tomboto, Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:23 (two years ago) link

"Truly, we humans were the real 'invisible man' after all."

jmm, Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:47 (two years ago) link

"We have met the wolfman, and he is us."

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:53 (two years ago) link

'he who fights with universal monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a universal monster. and if you gaze long into a black lagoon, the creature also gazes into you'

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:56 (two years ago) link

"The only thing we have to fear is a dracula."

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:59 (two years ago) link

Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster. Wisdom is knowing that Igor is the bride.

jmm, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:06 (two years ago) link

lol @ bothering with this 'universe' crap for a load of long out of copyright characters

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:19 (two years ago) link

Ned probably started with that thread title, but crumpled it up

El Tomboto, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:21 (two years ago) link

It was a process of experimentation

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:23 (two years ago) link

now i'm imagining ned working in the lab, late one night

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:24 (two years ago) link

Is anyone actually planning to see The Mummy?

jmm, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:27 (two years ago) link

*crickets*

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:32 (two years ago) link

even for slumming hollywood shit this is getting toxic reviews

a serious and fascinating fartist (Simon H.), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:33 (two years ago) link

It doesn't look even a little bit good or interesting. Universal's previous foray into Mummy-dom doesn't exactly give me any confidence that they're on the right track this time.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:34 (two years ago) link

Not so much for the sake of enjoying a schadenfreudegasm (which is just a pleasant side-effect), but I kinda want this to die on the vine in the hopes that these studios will stop thinking they can grow some expansive franchise out of a single, untested seed.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:38 (two years ago) link

i thought the first mummy reboot movie with brendan fraser was dumb fun, but there's nothing appealing about this one at all afaict

i only just found out russell crowe is in this as dr jekyll, which seems like a particularly egregious misuse of the shared-universe shoehorn

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:39 (two years ago) link

Whut

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:41 (two years ago) link

It's just kinda fucking dumb, too. Because he will surely only appear AS Dr. Jekyll, leaving us all to ponder HMMM WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH THIS MYSTERY MAN IN THE FUTURE, OH THE MYSTERY OF IT ALL.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:43 (two years ago) link

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It was great working with @RussellCrowe on #TheMummy (even though we were kicking each other's ass). pic.twitter.com/ZfPOWb7pVL

— Tom Cruise (@TomCruise) June 7, 2017

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:44 (two years ago) link

I think you mean licking, Tom.

Bernie Lugg (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:46 (two years ago) link

crowe's wearing one black glove in that fight scene so i assume he's already afflicted by monsterism

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:46 (two years ago) link

fuck i just remembered that benicio del toro's wolfman only came out a few years ago and tanked too - man, they're really intent on doing this until something, anything sticks, aren't they

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:47 (two years ago) link

xposts Oh, that's just Russell being Russell.

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/259/034/857.jpg

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:48 (two years ago) link

Yes, and when this one turfs out...well, obviously Bride of Frankenstein is the one that was REALLY intended to kick off the franchise. Naturally.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:49 (two years ago) link

I was joking earlier about them pulling their '50s sci-fi stuff into the mix at some point, but decent remakes of that stuff (and yes, a fucking "universe" if they must) would be infinitely more interesting than them cranking out the 5,819,392,492,813th Frankenstein movie in existence.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:51 (two years ago) link

i feel like there's potential to update frankenstein to explore contemporary stuff like genome-editing and growing spare parts for humans from scratch but uh let's say i don't have a lot of confidence they'll want to take any interesting approaches to the characters

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:58 (two years ago) link

Looking forward to the 2024 slate of Renfield vs. Igor, Mohel of Frankenstein, and Abbott & Costello Fey & Poehler Meet the Scorpion King.

FTFM Universal.

Diana Fire (j.lu), Thursday, 8 June 2017 14:45 (two years ago) link

Only very very tangentially related because Scorpion King but I just saw the comedy issue of GQ on the stands yesterday, featuring everybody's favorite funnyman Dwayne Johnson on the cover.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 14:47 (two years ago) link

is that the one with the caity weaver profile of the rock? cuz that's a great piece (as caity weaver articles invariably are, tbf)

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 14:56 (two years ago) link

I couldn't say, as I never got past those bulging biceps or those dreamy eyes staring back at me from the rack.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 15:44 (two years ago) link

Stare into them, deeply

http://media.gq.com/photos/5911e2845607d02ba9e29932/master/w_800/The-Rock-Cover.jpg

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 15:50 (two years ago) link

we're usually on the same page on pop-culture, old lunch, but if you're not on the dwayne johnson hype-train too i dunno if we can be friends anymore, i'm sorry

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 15:54 (two years ago) link

and the caity weaver hype-train tbh

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 15:54 (two years ago) link

Here's my hot Rock take (as I steer this train all the way off the rails): he seems like a swell dude and I like him just fine as a personality but I'm pretty unenthused about his presence in non-action movies (aside from his role in The Other Guys, which he will likely never top because how can you top one of the greatest moments in Western culture).

No beef with Caity Weaver!

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:00 (two years ago) link

I guess by that metric, Dwayne Johnson is partially responsible for one of my most hysterical laughing jags ever and so maybe he does belong in the comedy HOF after all.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:01 (two years ago) link

Let's all laugh with Dwayne Johnson in the Universal Rock Universe.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:03 (two years ago) link

If this Dark Universe thing does take off and he doesn't make at least a cameo reprising his role, I'll eat my hat.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:04 (two years ago) link

the rock is the maybe closest we'll ever have to a real-life superman

i love him

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:05 (two years ago) link

In the new FastFurious, he leads a soccer team of 10 year old girls in a haka

Dwayne the Rock Johnson is entertainment itself

softie (silby), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:07 (two years ago) link

I think the nu-fast films are sorta insanely overrated and even I think the rock is a delight

K-hole MacLachlan (wins), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:12 (two years ago) link

Which means it'll instead be Hart & Johnson Meet The Scorpion King.

Diana Fire (j.lu), Thursday, 8 June 2017 17:14 (two years ago) link

Universal has no idea how to make movies people actually want to see and I think the Fast & Furious franchise was successful on accident

officer sonny bonds, lytton pd (mayor jingleberries), Thursday, 8 June 2017 17:21 (two years ago) link

Johnson is really good in a lot of things - I still maintain his performance in Pain & Gain was award-worthy, and Snitch didn't get nearly the audience it deserved. But I'm glad the Baywatch movie face-planted commercially.

grawlix (unperson), Thursday, 8 June 2017 21:13 (two years ago) link

The Rundown is an overlooked classic

El Tomboto, Thursday, 8 June 2017 22:47 (two years ago) link

Universal Horror shared Universe (2017-soon)

There was already a big thread.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:07 (two years ago) link

Ah thanks! I was wondering where the heck it was.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:09 (two years ago) link

So which one shall we use?

Robert Adam Gilmour, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:27 (two years ago) link

This one is funnier and is now about The Rock so uh, this one

El Tomboto, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:30 (two years ago) link

have any of you jabronis read this front to back cuz I have
https://images.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fs-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com%2F736x%2Fe5%2Fd3%2Ffb%2Fe5d3fb62c371381ca56dd1d5299f0422.jpg&f=1

Οὖτις, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:32 (two years ago) link

(fuck the Rock btw)

Οὖτις, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:33 (two years ago) link

dude clearly has political ambitions, something we should not encourage

Οὖτις, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:34 (two years ago) link

Why did you read that?

Wasn't Spielberg saying a few years ago that half a dozen megabudget bombs with implode the film business? I think most these seem destined to bomb but maybe they'll just stop after a few flops?

Robert Adam Gilmour, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:36 (two years ago) link

But how you can resist Russell Crowe going EVIL

https://www.flickeringmyth.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Russell-Crowe-The-Mummy-600x409.png

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:47 (two years ago) link

It was in a recording studio we were in for a weekend. Good for a laff between takes.

Xp

Οὖτις, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:58 (two years ago) link

Why did you read that?

Shakey actively engaging with something he despises? Never!

I dunno why these studios don't adopt the radical tactic of making films people might enjoy, then maybe thinking about a franchise after they're successful.

chap, Friday, 9 June 2017 14:35 (two years ago) link

That was proposed but overruled due to planning considerations.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 9 June 2017 14:38 (two years ago) link

Always thought "the most electrifying man in sports entertainment" was a hilarious title.
He's always seemed very nice to me.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Friday, 9 June 2017 15:31 (two years ago) link

are you fucking kidding me pic.twitter.com/LtzPxH6hps

— Ali 🇵🇭 (@TheyCallMeYDG) June 9, 2017

Old Lynch's Sex Paragraph (Phil D.), Friday, 9 June 2017 16:59 (two years ago) link

I refuse to believe that's anything but a hack by DJP.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 9 June 2017 17:00 (two years ago) link

no, but I did retweet it

PJD PDJ DPJ (DJP), Friday, 9 June 2017 17:20 (two years ago) link

wat if Frankenstein but made by isis

― The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 8 June 2017 2:08 AM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Theres a novel by an iraqi writer that is being translated atm sort of about this, where the monster is made up of leftover bits of suicide bombers

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Saturday, 10 June 2017 03:20 (two years ago) link

Seventytwovirginstein

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Saturday, 10 June 2017 03:44 (two years ago) link

So this is getting terrible reviews, and it came in second to Wonder Woman (and had a worse opening than any of the Fraser Mummy movies). So this endeavor may already be toast.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Saturday, 10 June 2017 23:00 (two years ago) link

First day, it got only $12M in US and Canada, but it got $19M in China and $17M in Korea. Grossed more than the budget already. It will probably make money. :(

Einstein, Kazanga, Sitar (abanana), Saturday, 10 June 2017 23:09 (two years ago) link

if they stick shit in enought theaters it seems they always make money, but if it's not enough money above the budget then it's a problem.

akm, Sunday, 11 June 2017 00:28 (two years ago) link

Apparently Tom Cruise is still enough to sell a movie in many international markets. I realized today I haven't seen a Tom Cruise movie since Collateral.

jmm, Sunday, 11 June 2017 01:10 (two years ago) link

They're still churning out new Cruise franchises somehow, or attempting to. You'd think he'd be content with Mission Impossible, but no, we end up with way-too-short Jack Reacher and monster hunter Mummy films

mh, Sunday, 11 June 2017 01:21 (two years ago) link

imo the mission impossible movies are fine, although they're definitely to the point where they're remaking the same film with different locations and directors now

mh, Sunday, 11 June 2017 01:23 (two years ago) link

The Mummy could be the biggest hit of the summer or the biggest flop and I don't think I would know either way.

Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 11 June 2017 23:32 (two years ago) link

Apparently Tom Cruise is still enough to sell a movie in many international markets. I realized today I haven't seen a Tom Cruise movie since Collateral.

Edge of Tomorrow is great, and tons of fun. As are the last two Mission Impossible movies.

Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 11 June 2017 23:32 (two years ago) link

otm about Edge of Tomorrow, even if they couldn't market it

mh, Sunday, 11 June 2017 23:49 (two years ago) link

The movie did well worldwide but the US opening weekend was bad news. The rest of the Dark Universe might wind up going the proposed route of the Warcraft sequel and get a theatrical release only in those overseas countries where it did well. Probably not since this Universal, but I have a hard time imagining that The Bride of Frankenstein (2019) is the one that's finally going to get this ill-planned party started.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Monday, 12 June 2017 01:39 (two years ago) link

Boutella and Michael Shannon are starring in Fahrenheit 451. So the chances of me seeing The Mummy are fading away.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Monday, 12 June 2017 14:28 (two years ago) link

tbh the biggest problem with The Mummy may have been that Alex Kurtzman is a total hack.

nomar, Monday, 12 June 2017 15:21 (two years ago) link

Did this get posted? I thought it was pretty funny:

http://crookedscoreboard.com/the-pitch-meeting-for-the-mummy/

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 13 June 2017 01:43 (two years ago) link

Ha I noticed this thread and only just remembered that I saw this. I haven't really thought about it at all. It's a complete nothing movie.

The Marmadook (latebloomer), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 15:16 (two years ago) link

The Red Letter review is pretty good. They more or less just dismiss the movie as "pathetic," and then talk about the cynicism of this whole enterprise.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 13 June 2017 15:24 (two years ago) link

Arguably, the main reason that the classic Universal monsters have remained in the public consciousness is their iconic appearances (to the extent that Universal fought against Hammer replicating the likenesses of the monsters for their own films). I mean, you may not remember anything about The Invisible Man but you probably know what he looks like. Utilizing those iconic visages in SOME fashion seems like the biggest no-brainer if they absolutely have to make this a thing, so making the Mummy just some hot chick seems to be missing the point (or one of a number of points, rather).

The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T & the Women (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 15:48 (two years ago) link

you may not remember anything about The Invisible Man but you probably know what he looks like.

Yes, he looks exactly like this:

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 13 June 2017 15:50 (two years ago) link

Exactly.

Like, that's the only thing that makes these creatures a distinctly Universal property rather than just a gaggle of public domain characters that literally anyone can make a movie of.

The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T & the Women (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 15:50 (two years ago) link

RLM opined that these properties would work well as low-budget scare fests, which is probably true, but just not broad enough to attract general/international audiences.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 13 June 2017 15:52 (two years ago) link

good interview with Jake Johnson about working with Cruise
https://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/nation/jake-johnson-the-mummy-interview-spoilers

dunno that it makes me want to see it any more than I did before tho

Yoni Loves Chocha (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 15:52 (two years ago) link

I know his (reputation). He does his own stunts.

Ha, this is not the first facet of his reputation that would fly to mind.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 13 June 2017 15:55 (two years ago) link

the main reason that the classic Universal monsters have remained in the public consciousness is their iconic appearances

this is absolutely otm and it's also partially the reason why these things are doomed to fail - the designs of those original universal monster movies are so fantastic that they inspired decades of terrible ripoffs and homages and parodies that universal has effectively painted themselves into a corner

you can't reinvent them because then you're squandering the potential of those indelible screen representations of the stories, but then you can't do them faithfully because every single one of them is now a knackered, wheezing cliche in the popular imagination

I could be convinced to shell out money to see Frankenberry vs. the Fruit Brute.

The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T & the Women (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 16:03 (two years ago) link

We have scarier monsters now. They're called Republicans AMIR--*bullet exits skull*

The Marmadook (latebloomer), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 16:04 (two years ago) link

Phantom of the Opera but with grime

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 16:06 (two years ago) link

Roadman of the Opera

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 16:07 (two years ago) link

I'm trying to think of a body of water that is hipper and fresher than the Black Lagoon. The Creature from the Limo Hot Tub, maybe?

The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T & the Women (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 16:16 (two years ago) link

but then you can't do them faithfully because every single one of them is now a knackered, wheezing cliche in the popular imagination

― cast your vote for fully automated gay space luxury communism (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 16:58

Don't think that's a real obstacle. As long as the story isn't too cliched.

I wonder how much claim universal has over the monster likenesses now, or even a few decades ago? Can't imagine them being able to sue anyone easily.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Tuesday, 13 June 2017 16:20 (two years ago) link

I could be convinced to shell out money to see Frankenberry vs. the Fruit Brute.

The untold story of Count Chocula, loosely based on Vlad the Impaler.

jmm, Tuesday, 13 June 2017 16:26 (two years ago) link

the untold story of vlad the impaler, loosely based on count chocula

I would like to see a Count Chocula film played completely straight. The full origin story of how Chocula, once a man, became a creature of the night with an unquenchable thirst for chocolate. Very grim, very dark. Like 98% cacao dark.

The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T & the Women (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 16:34 (two years ago) link

Budget for 98% cacao prohibitive. Plus, not enough dark chocolate consumption in China.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 13 June 2017 16:45 (two years ago) link

The Ottomans want to impose their Turkish delights on Christendom. That's a movie.

jmm, Tuesday, 13 June 2017 17:05 (two years ago) link

I would like to see a Count Chocula film played completely straight. The full origin story of how Chocula, once a man, became a creature of the night with an unquenchable thirst for chocolate. Very grim, very dark. Like 98% cacao dark.

we live in a world where riverdale exists so

It would have been really easy to make a scary Mummy movie. Like, a found footage trapped in a tomb movie (I'm sure it's been done). Or basically, It Follows, but a Mummy.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 13 June 2017 17:20 (two years ago) link

but then you can't do them faithfully because every single one of them is now a knackered, wheezing cliche in the popular imagination

― cast your vote for fully automated gay space luxury communism (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 16:58

And King Kong or Godzilla isn't? (In theory, any remake can be done well. In practice, Sturgeon's Law is in full effect.)

The Ottomans want to impose their Turkish delights on Christendom. That's a movie.

― jmm, Tuesday, June 13, 2017 1:05 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You are Steve Bannon and I claim my five pounds.

Diana Fire (j.lu), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 19:02 (two years ago) link

yes, you're describing this movie:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pyramid_(film)

xposts

Max-Headroom-drops-a-deuce-while-shredding (Sparkle Motion), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 19:14 (two years ago) link

^image nicked from the Facebook page of film critic John Charles

Bernie Lugg (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 15 June 2017 18:44 (two years ago) link

you can't do them faithfully because every single one of them is now a knackered, wheezing cliche in the popular imagination

no, this is the kind of thinking that has resulted in so many forgettable re-imaginings that imo the original designs are novel again. if they went full-on og Frankenstein w slightly updated take on the classic look, they could make it work. look at Monster Squad, they brought back all the classic monsters and made them work, even the mummy was made creepy again w the trapped in that closet. they just need people who can write a decent movie.

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 15 June 2017 19:19 (two years ago) link

It's always been frustrating because I'm all about the classic/gothic horror aesthetic, it's probably 80% of the reason I like horror but there's really not that many good scripts in the films. And whenever there's a return to it, the stories are usually hackneyed. There's no reason you have to keep using those plots.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Thursday, 15 June 2017 20:04 (two years ago) link

three months pass...

As the story notes, it's likely going the deep prequel route instead...but is it?

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 October 2017 23:05 (two years ago) link

one year passes...

The Dark Universe is dead, long live (to quote Variety) “a fresh strategy for the Universal monsters properties, bringing creative directors with distinctive visions to the classic characters.”

https://io9.gizmodo.com/a-new-invisible-man-film-rises-as-the-dark-universe-die-1832124202

Ned Raggett, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:04 (nine months ago) link

Aw, does this mean we'll never get to see Seth Rogen as Lou Costello?

Brex Avery (Noodle Vague), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:09 (nine months ago) link

Can't wait to consume the fresh content generated by the Universal Synergisticdiversificationverse!

See you later, I'm going to go take a look at this suicide robot. (Old Lunch), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:11 (nine months ago) link

That shitty promo photo for this will never not be funny

gray say nah to me (wins), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:20 (nine months ago) link

Johnny Depp was the actor originally expected to play the Invisible Man, and though he is not thought to be part of this movie, Variety’s sources suggest it could happen in the future. The same goes for actors like Javier Bardem and even Cruise’s character: They could appear in future movies, but it’s not definite. For now, the idea is to encourage individual filmmakers to make great movies, and see what happens.

they will not appear in future movies

omar little, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:25 (nine months ago) link

https://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/vulture/2017/05/31/31-universal-monsterverse-dark-universe.w700.h700.jpg

Ah yes, all your faves - there’s the mummy of course, and the Dracula, and the wolf man, and that must be the Frankenstein sitting down there, and who’s that on the end? Oh, how could I forget, the black lagoon!

Oh no wait it’s five checked-out randos. Can’t fucking wait for them to cross over with each other.

gray say nah to me (wins), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:25 (nine months ago) link

Russell Crowe with the expression of a man who's come home to see an uncut lawn and a terrified son

omar little, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:27 (nine months ago) link

That photo was edited together, iirc. Can't you just feel the chemistry?

jmm, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:29 (nine months ago) link

I watched The Mummy and it's remarkable how they took a plot that was about 3/4 of a movie and then slapped half of a different film into the middle of it and still somehow only came out with less than a single complete work

mh, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:36 (nine months ago) link

I've never heard of this thing, just clicked on the thread in the expectation that it was about laughing at the universally dark universe we all live in and got to say I'm pretty disappointed

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:40 (nine months ago) link

I was hoping for a debunking of dark matter a la string theory

david waster phallus (darraghmac), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:56 (nine months ago) link

Johnny Depp was the actor originally expected to play the Invisible Man


and now he’s the actor we all wish would disappear

maxwell’s silver hang suite (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:58 (nine months ago) link

Let's all bow our heads in honor of Camaraderie's thirst for humorous anomie.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:58 (nine months ago) link

Johnny Depp was the actor originally expected to play the Invisible Man

Pretty sure Johnny Depp is already playing the Invisible Man in most movies. He's usually just walking around in the background and stuff, but you kind of have to squint.

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 28 January 2019 19:10 (nine months ago) link

one month passes...

I'm trying to think of a body of water that is hipper and fresher than the Black Lagoon.

― The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T & the Women (Old Lunch), Tuesday, June 13, 2017 12:16 PM (one year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The Creature from the Gowanus Canal? He's coming for your microbrews...and a hipster hottie in a vintage bathing suit?

In the meantime, the Invisble Man remake may have solved its Depp problem: https://www.cinemablend.com/news/2467738/the-invisible-man-reboot-may-have-found-its-first-new-star

Anne Hedonia (j.lu), Monday, 4 March 2019 20:20 (eight months ago) link

I hope they cast her as the titular star and still bafflingly go with The Invisible Man as the title.

Gary Ornmigh, Heywood's son (Old Lunch), Monday, 4 March 2019 20:25 (eight months ago) link

one month passes...

it's aliiiiiiiiive!

Elisabeth Moss, who was in early talks for Universal-Blumhouse’s The Invisible Man last month, is officially on board with the latest rendition of the classic monster character.

The project reps a re-team for Moss with producer Jason Blum after the recent $220M-global grossing success of Jordan Peele’s Us. Invisible Man will shoot in Australia. The opening weekend for Us became the highest-grossing ever for an original horror title.

arli$$ and bible black (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 15 April 2019 13:48 (seven months ago) link

And prompted by the wild success of an original horror title, we've opted to produce the 415th film adaptation of a 150 year old horror property.

Oold Lunch (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 April 2019 13:54 (seven months ago) link

laugh all you want, cynic, but i for one am excited about the possibility of elisabeth moss' invisible man going toe-to-toe with russell crowe's mr hyde and tom cruise's err whoever the fuck tom cruise was in the mummy

arli$$ and bible black (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 15 April 2019 13:59 (seven months ago) link

The Daddy?

Oold Lunch (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 April 2019 14:00 (seven months ago) link


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