Kids say the darndest things

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I had to post this, since I've been cracking up about it since Saturday.

The boys were in the bath, and they started screeching:

Ben: EEEEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEEEE!

My wife: Ben! Use your inside voice.

Ben (quietly): eeeeeEEEEEeeeee.

schwantz, Monday, 2 February 2009 22:58 (eleven years ago) link

I heartily endorse this thread/post.

PappaWheelie V, Monday, 2 February 2009 23:11 (eleven years ago) link

When I told Ophelia told her for the gazillionth time to put her hand in front of her mouth when coughing.

"I don't have any coughs anymore."

Nathalie (stevienixed), Tuesday, 3 February 2009 08:37 (eleven years ago) link

Every male person outside the family is currently known and greeted as 'Funny Man'. Or occasionally 'Mr Tumble' (the latter unfortunately applies to women as well).

Archel, Tuesday, 3 February 2009 11:25 (eleven years ago) link

hahaha

JAM, DWANGELA, RELLY! (sunny successor), Tuesday, 3 February 2009 14:28 (eleven years ago) link

In the elevator at the gym with my wife, Owen read another woman's thoughts by asking "are you twins?" and then answered himself "yeah."

schwantz, Saturday, 7 February 2009 05:39 (eleven years ago) link

hahaha

JAM, DWANGELA, RELLY! (sunny successor), Saturday, 7 February 2009 14:40 (eleven years ago) link

Thank you for starting this thread. I love this stuff.

A friend at work has a two year old who has started using "Obama" as a name for pretty much everyone. He asks qustions all the time about Obama too. They're potty training him and so the other night she was asking Henry who poops. He said, "Mama poops and Daddy poops and Henry poops!" She asked who else poops thinking he's say grandma or something and he replied with, "Obama poops!!"

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Saturday, 7 February 2009 15:31 (eleven years ago) link

my 7 year old nephew to his mom:

"I stopped sucking my thumb. When you get older it loses its taste."

sleeve, Tuesday, 10 February 2009 02:17 (eleven years ago) link

That is exactly what I concluded about thumb-sucking (at an embarrassingly older age). Though it took having my arm in a plaster cast for seemingly years (I broke my arm three times in quick succession) to stop me in the end.

Also, Obama totally does poop!

Archel, Tuesday, 10 February 2009 09:35 (eleven years ago) link

Re: Honeymoon - "Did you GO to the moon?"

lemmy tristano (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 12 February 2009 00:16 (eleven years ago) link

my son when 3ish, upon eating something good: "I can't believe my mouth!" I promise he made this up himself.

Euler, Thursday, 12 February 2009 00:20 (eleven years ago) link

AWWWWW!!!

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Thursday, 12 February 2009 00:23 (eleven years ago) link

My kids are too old for their current sayings to be here...

But, Alice (particularly) would say such WTF things back in the day. Most (or, man) are all over ILE, but here's one of the top ones...

She was about four, I reckon.

I was explaining the whole "eggs in mummy's tummy" business.

Alice: "But how did the eggs get there?"
Me: "They were all there when Mummy was born"
Alice: "hmm. So, that means My egg and Amber's egg are exactly the same age"
Me: ".... yeah!"
Alice: (saying nothing, but now has decided Amber doesn't have 2 years superiority anymore)

Mark G, Friday, 13 February 2009 11:10 (eleven years ago) link

Ophelia told her father: "Wannes is in love with me." I know, not the darndest thing but still made go all AAAAAWWWWWWWWW.

Nathalie (stevienixed), Friday, 13 February 2009 14:13 (eleven years ago) link

my son when 3ish, upon eating something good: "I can't believe my mouth!" I promise he made this up himself.

― Euler, Wednesday, February 11, 2009 7:20 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark

Get that kid a TV commercial.

Bonobos in Paneradise (Hurting 2), Sunday, 22 February 2009 07:21 (ten years ago) link

haha yeah

i was driving beeps home from daycare last week and had silver jews playing in the car. so black and brown blues comes on and i start singing along at the top of my voice when i look in the rear view mirror and beeps is smacking her knee along with the song with a big smile on her face. she catches me looking at her and says 'you go, mama!'. let it be known i have the worst singing voice ever. kid is good for the ego.

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 22 February 2009 14:57 (ten years ago) link

I will work on the tv thing!

I love that my kids love my singing. It helps that it's mutual; when they're caterwauling away I tend to complement them (you know, like you do when they bring you their latest painting or sculpture).

My youngest kid, age 2, went canvassing with my wife for the Dems during the campaign last fall. Now she's taken to calling the paper subscription inserts in magazines, "Democrats". I guess it's because they're like the voter info cards that we distributed? But now she is hoarding a big pile of these things and gets angry when you take her Democrats. Silly stuff but I love it.

Euler, Sunday, 22 February 2009 16:21 (ten years ago) link

I love that all the two year old kids in SF know and mangle the words "Barack Obama."

schwantz, Monday, 23 February 2009 17:25 (ten years ago) link

nothing like this ever happens to me

鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 23 February 2009 17:59 (ten years ago) link

Howie knows a lot of animal names but always calls a cat "Miaow", even though he can spell the word. Hence the following conversation:

Us: "Howie, what's the first letter of cat?"
Howie: "C!"
"And what's the second letter of cat?"
"A!"
"And what's the last letter of cat?"
"T!"
"[Pointing to letters in book] So, what does 'C-A-T' spell, Howie?"
"[Thinks for a moment...} Miaow!"

Meg (Meg Busset), Monday, 23 February 2009 23:28 (ten years ago) link

my nearly 12-week-old has been babbling non-stop. it's such a nice change from shrieking.

Oh Why, Sports Coat? (Dr. Superman), Thursday, 26 February 2009 19:17 (ten years ago) link

(Apologies if I've already told this story on ILX, can't remember)

A few weeks ago, Ava was being extremely naughty, pushing Pam away, shouting "Don't talk to me! Don't look at me!", etc. Pam wrote down "Naughty girls don't get visits from their friends or treats or get to go to the park" on a slip of paper and handed it to the noncommunicative hell-child.

Ava read it out loud, looked at the paper for a few seconds and then announced, "I'm going to tear this into tiny pieces." It was all Pam could do not to burst out laughing right there...

Michael Jones, Saturday, 28 February 2009 21:25 (ten years ago) link

haa :)

ice cr?m, Sunday, 1 March 2009 00:26 (ten years ago) link

this morning: "there are so many things in this room, it's like an optical course"

鬼の手 (Edward III), Sunday, 1 March 2009 00:46 (ten years ago) link

SS, that's the cutest thing ever! Ophelia requests all my music to stop playing so she can listen to her music. Grrr. Elisabeth loves most music we play. This morning she immediately started waving her hand when Marvin Gaye started singing. She also looooves Pulsinger.

Nathalie (stevienixed), Sunday, 1 March 2009 13:30 (ten years ago) link

its still so weird to me these little creatures have already developed their own tastes. that silver jews moment was a rare one. usually she'll sit there going 'wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? brobie? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? " etc until we put it on.

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 1 March 2009 14:04 (ten years ago) link

nickelodeon brainwash

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 1 March 2009 14:04 (ten years ago) link

she found a tampon and asked what it was. i mumbled her mommy bleeds every month and that it stops the bleeding.

"so mommy leaks."

uh yeah, i guess....

the tip of the tongue taking a trip tralalala (stevienixed), Friday, 6 March 2009 22:33 (ten years ago) link

Edward, I'm amazed. That's amazing.

How can there be male ladybugs? (Laurel), Friday, 6 March 2009 22:41 (ten years ago) link

We remembered another one from our son a few years back, when he was 2-ish: out of the blue one day, he asked "why we is not ducks?". I didn't know what to say. Really, why? The mind boggles.

Euler, Saturday, 7 March 2009 01:56 (ten years ago) link

My friend did this facebook thing earlier where she had to ask her kids a series of questions about herself and write in their answers. Her sons are around 6 and 4, I think.

Q: How tall is your Mom?

A: "15 degrees" -Ben "Probably 10 inches high" -Zac

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Saturday, 7 March 2009 04:50 (ten years ago) link

i seriously can't get over "15 degrees"

been HOOS, where yyyou steene!? (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Saturday, 7 March 2009 05:02 (ten years ago) link

I know, I love it.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Saturday, 7 March 2009 05:03 (ten years ago) link

I showed Beeps a full page face ad of Gisele Bündchen in the lastest issure of Glamour and asked 'who is that?' She replied 'Mama!' Damn straight.

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 8 March 2009 03:30 (ten years ago) link

keep that one around!

yur twit (tehresa), Sunday, 8 March 2009 03:35 (ten years ago) link

hopefully her eyesight will never improve

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 8 March 2009 03:37 (ten years ago) link

Howie does that when we read the book 'Terrible Trolls' -- points at them and says "Mummy! Daddy!"

I will have to send him round to Beeps for some training.

Meg (Meg Busset), Sunday, 8 March 2009 13:02 (ten years ago) link

I showed Beeps a full page face ad of Gisele Bündchen in the lastest issure of Glamour and asked 'who is that?' She replied 'Mama!' Damn straight.

A keeper! :-)

the tip of the tongue taking a trip tralalala (stevienixed), Monday, 9 March 2009 14:19 (ten years ago) link

z (4-yr-old) industriously constructing puzzle on the floor, while rex (11 mos.) repeatedly crawls through it, picks up pieces, sticks them in his mouth, etc. z fairly patiently nudges rex away two or three times, says "no, rex," but on about the 4th time, in exasperation, he yelps, "DAMMIT REX!"

paper plans (tipsy mothra), Monday, 16 March 2009 23:50 (ten years ago) link

kids swearing: classic. One of my kids didn't really understand what the word dammit was, so he'd say, "debit", as in "debit card", which got us off the hook with my mother-in-law.

Euler, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 00:27 (ten years ago) link

z (4-yr-old) industriously constructing puzzle on the floor, while rex (11 mos.) repeatedly crawls through it, picks up pieces, sticks them in his mouth, etc. z fairly patiently nudges rex away two or three times, says "no, rex," but on about the 4th time, in exasperation, he yelps, "DAMMIT REX!"

― paper plans (tipsy mothra), Monday, March 16, 2009 6:50 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

ok so this is the funniest/cuetest thing i have read in a while

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 02:01 (ten years ago) link

Agreed. That's so cute.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 12:37 (ten years ago) link

it cracked us up. but i guess we need to do some policing of it before he gets to kindergarten.

paper plans (tipsy mothra), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 17:08 (ten years ago) link

Apparently in kindergarten I referred to a toy car as "that goddamn son of a bitch". Wasn't mad, that's just what I called it.

WmC, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 17:14 (ten years ago) link

i once very cheerfully yelled to my pal "see you later, asshole!" as our parents were taking us home from preschool. my mom was not, uh, thrilled

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 21:54 (ten years ago) link

^ That is awesome.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 22:51 (ten years ago) link

ha i once came home from school in 1st or 2nd grade and told my parents "the bus driver is an asshole" not really knowing what that meant :-/

HHooHHHooHH-oob (harbl), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 22:53 (ten years ago) link

Alice has been known to bang her fist on the table and yell 'dammit!' but I strongly suspect her dad has been coaching her for his own amusement. Though come to think of it she's also started a thing of regularly shouting 'it's a deal!' and shaking hands with us. Clearly a future CEO :(

Archel, Thursday, 19 March 2009 09:36 (ten years ago) link

OK, heree goez:

In Venice, back at the flat, playing whist:

Mum: "Hearts!"
Alice: (Oh, fuMMMFTH)

The sound of Alice slapping her hand over her mouth, too late.
She got embarrassed, we just laffed. (She was 8)

Mark G, Monday, 23 March 2009 14:02 (ten years ago) link

Future son‘s latest thing is fighting to stay awake when he has something that he wants to do, then giving in immediately when he realizes he can’t do that thing.

Two days ago, we were driving home from an event, with plans to go play outside, when it started raining:
FS: It’s raining
Me: Yeah. I’m sorry, buddy. Looks like we won’t be able to play in the yard.
FS: Awww….snores

Last night:
Me (turning off TV): Well, it’s time to snuggie-down.
FS: But Scooby-Doo’s almost on.
Me: Sorry, buddy: it’s late.
FS (within 20 seconds): snores

kingkongvsgodzilla, Tuesday, 31 March 2009 20:32 (ten years ago) link

Ava's two-part exploration of Bossness, with special reference to World Poverty.

Last night -
"Sometimes little children can be the boss. You get to be the boss sometimes, Daddy, but kids can be the boss too. Sit down over here next to me for a DISCUSSION."
Tonight -
"Some people don't ever get to be the boss. Some people don't have any food or clothes or medicine. They just cough."

Michael Jones, Tuesday, 31 March 2009 21:39 (ten years ago) link

LOL.

RS's co-worker's husband let their 4 year old watch Austin Powers last week after which said to her, "Mom, you're kind of a lot like fat bastard." !!!

ENBB, Tuesday, 31 March 2009 22:12 (ten years ago) link

We let ours (4 also) watch Gremlins a few weeks ago, after which he kept immitating the "flasher" Gremlin from the bar scene.

If you were thinking about letting your kids watch Gremlins, that's one of many things to note, along with Phoebe Cates breaking it down about the non-existence of Santa(this was during a boring grown-up part though, so I don't think he noticed).

kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 11:31 (ten years ago) link

Gremlins was one of those movies that pushed the MPAA over the edge to create a PG-13 rating.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 14:00 (ten years ago) link

yeah my kids so want to see gremlins but it ain't happening

re: PG-13, I always thought indiana jones and the temple of doom was the proverbial straw?

鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 15:38 (ten years ago) link

ha i once came home from school in 1st or 2nd grade and told my parents "the bus driver is an asshole" not really knowing what that meant :-/

― HHooHHHooHH-oob (harbl), Tuesday, March 17, 2009 6:53 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

a woman I work with once had this exchange with her 6 year old daughter as they were getting ready to go out

kid: where the fuck are my socks?
parent: WHAT?
kid: my SOCKS! where the fuck are my SOCKS!

鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 15:57 (ten years ago) link

lolz

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 16:01 (ten years ago) link

Temple of Doom, Gremlins, POLTERGEIST (!!!!) were all PG movies that led to PG-13.

Beeps is getting to that age now where I'm starting to be more aware of what we're watching on TV. I was rocking her the other night and started watching "Summer of Sam". It starts with the sound of a dog barking and then moves on to show Berkowitz humping the mattress in his tighty-whities. Beeps is on her puppy kick right now, so became interested at the dog barking and by the time the scene cut to two girls sitting in a parked car, I decided that she was starting to soak a little too much in.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 16:29 (ten years ago) link

yeah my kids so want to see gremlins but it ain't happening

It was in the check-out line at the supermarket and it had a cute little fuzzy guy on the cover. I had no idea.

kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 17:24 (ten years ago) link

That might be a good thread idea -- "what would you warn new parents about that you learned the hard way?"

WmC, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 17:27 (ten years ago) link

Yeah, sorry. This has gone a little off topic.

kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 17:29 (ten years ago) link

(Without wanting to prolong the thread digression any further - Poltergeist was actually an "X" in UK on release (and the US-equivalent "R" over there); the "15" category was introduced about a year later, and Poltergeist was reassigned to that. I think Poltergeist was downgraded to PG or PG-13 on appeal in the US. I have a very specific memory of this as 14-y-o me couldn't believe that I wasn't allowed to see the new Spielberg film!)

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 23:35 (ten years ago) link

I saw Poltergeist at 8 years old, and couldn't do anything---anything---alone for almost a year. If I ever go to therapy, I'm sure Poltergeist will be a chief topic.

My kids, the oldest of whom is 8, is afraid of The Little Mermaid, so we won't make the same mistake my parents did.

Euler, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 23:50 (ten years ago) link

more on topic: today my youngest (age 2) blathered something angrily at lunch that she punctuated with something that sounded like "dammit". My wife said, well, she knows how to use her "dangit". My daughter then blurted, "I didn't say dangit, I said dammit" and emphasized a few more times the "mmm" in "dammit" to make sure we understood her.

Great.

Euler, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 23:52 (ten years ago) link

yeah I think I was 9 or 10 when I saw poltergeist which makes me think it must have been a G or M but my dad also took me to texas chainsaw massacre when i was a year or so younger and that was definitely rated R

I wish I was the royal trux (sunny successor), Thursday, 2 April 2009 02:30 (ten years ago) link

(M in australia meaning anyone can get in but its recommended for 16(?) and over)

I wish I was the royal trux (sunny successor), Thursday, 2 April 2009 02:31 (ten years ago) link

http://www.impawards.com/1982/posters/poltergeist.jpg

^^ With the PG Rating...

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 2 April 2009 03:53 (ten years ago) link

Wouldn't it just be something if we all watched Poltergeist again and realize that it wasn't really that bad?


Because i haven't watched that shit in over 20 years.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 2 April 2009 03:54 (ten years ago) link

btw that is a std strategy for dealing w/PTSD

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Thursday, 2 April 2009 04:06 (ten years ago) link

just fyi

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Thursday, 2 April 2009 04:06 (ten years ago) link

I was too scared to sit through Ghostbusters and made my mom leave the theater because I couldn't handle it. I've still never seen the whole thing. I should watch it now and get over the FEAR.

ENBB, Thursday, 2 April 2009 04:07 (ten years ago) link

Don't do it, you'll never eat another marshmallow.

WmC, Thursday, 2 April 2009 04:11 (ten years ago) link

Sorry, still with the films but we watched Goonies the other day - and I would have sworn that there was nothing PG-13 (or 12 I think is the UK equivalent - kind of) about it but we're only a few minutes in and Child No.2 says "What did he say? Did he say shit? You're not supposed to say shit are you?"

The 11 year old thought it was the best "kids" film ever - it's even got willy jokes!

commons hack spat (Ned Trifle II), Thursday, 2 April 2009 10:42 (ten years ago) link

Wouldn't it just be something if we all watched Poltergeist again and realize that it wasn't really that bad?

Because i haven't watched that shit in over 20 years.

― •--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, April 1, 2009 10:54 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

i dont know.. being scared of the new dunkin donuts ad is probably a good sign im not ready

I wish I was the royal trux (sunny successor), Thursday, 2 April 2009 11:26 (ten years ago) link

I've watched Poltergeist a few times since 1982 and some of it's cheesy now, like the giant face popping out of the closet. But the build-up is still epically scary (the way those storm clouds roll in!); the meat/eroding face thing remains creepy; and the corpses in the swimming pool, yuck.

My daughter has already snuck in a few "dammit"s this morning, it looks like we're headed for trouble here, with the conservative mother-in-law coming to stay with us for a week starting tomorrow.

Euler, Thursday, 2 April 2009 12:50 (ten years ago) link

some of it's cheesy now, like the giant face popping out of the closet.

ok ok stfu please i'm not ready yet, oh god.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 2 April 2009 14:58 (ten years ago) link

I will show mercy and not embed this image

http://www.thegreenhead.com/imgs/poltergeist-clown-3.jpg

鬼の手 (Edward III), Thursday, 2 April 2009 15:05 (ten years ago) link

oh shit I'd forgotten about the clown

Euler, Thursday, 2 April 2009 15:06 (ten years ago) link

My daughter has already snuck in a few "dammit"s this morning, it looks like we're headed for trouble here, with the conservative mother-in-law coming to stay with us for a week starting tomorrow.

yeah this is a major problem, you don't want to go "don't say that, never say that" cuz that guarantees she will say it whenever she wants to get a rise out of you

鬼の手 (Edward III), Thursday, 2 April 2009 15:09 (ten years ago) link

when my son was 3 or 4 we were in the bathroom, he was washing his hands and I was whizzing. he glanced over and casually remarked "nice big penis, dad."

鬼の手 (Edward III), Thursday, 2 April 2009 15:13 (ten years ago) link

things always look bigger when you're a child

鬼の手 (Edward III), Thursday, 2 April 2009 15:13 (ten years ago) link

yeah we laughed at it yesterday (big mistake) but ignored it this morning and so I'm hoping if we watch our mouths for a while we'll be ok long-term. She's still a mumbler so you have to pay attention to catch the cussing. We're in that hard transition between when you could say anything when the kid is around and figure it won't make a serious impression, to when everything seems to stick.

xpost hell yeah, I've been there too

Euler, Thursday, 2 April 2009 15:14 (ten years ago) link

one year passes...

My wife is about to give birth. Her C-section's scheduled for Monday, but honestly, she could go at any minute. So last night we were all driving home from somewhere and she was moaning about her discomfort and my six-year-old goes:

"I want to bleed beautiful blood! I want to be pregnant in pain!"

kkvgz, Friday, 8 October 2010 12:25 (nine years ago) link

My six-year-old son. : )

kkvgz, Friday, 8 October 2010 12:29 (nine years ago) link

haaaaaa

make it count, son (sunny successor), Friday, 8 October 2010 12:52 (nine years ago) link

good luck btw!

make it count, son (sunny successor), Friday, 8 October 2010 13:11 (nine years ago) link

Thank you. I was doing pretty well until yesterday, but now I am extremely stressed out. I would like to fast-forward a couple of days, seriously.

kkvgz, Friday, 8 October 2010 13:13 (nine years ago) link

what's up, ugly girls?

crude interloper of a once august profession (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 8 October 2010 15:26 (nine years ago) link

Zac, myself and 3 yr old Julia went to an apple orchard the other day and picked from trees of several different varieties, so at some point one of us referred to the "Empire apples". as we soon found out, Julia apparently heard "VAMPIRE apples" !! and maybe it makes us bad parents, but so far we're way too amused to correct her.

Kim, Friday, 8 October 2010 15:46 (nine years ago) link

Oh yeah, when they're that young and they make cute little mistakes like that, in most cases it's okay to let it slide for a while.

kkvgz, Friday, 8 October 2010 15:49 (nine years ago) link

Howie (after a small accident the other day): "Mummy take off my trants and pousers!"

Meg (Meg Busset), Friday, 8 October 2010 19:45 (nine years ago) link

Listen, this thread totally slept on "optical course." I'm telling ya.

I've got ten bucks. SURPRISE ME. (Laurel), Friday, 8 October 2010 20:03 (nine years ago) link

i once very cheerfully yelled to my pal "see you later, asshole!" as our parents were taking us home from preschool. my mom was not, uh, thrilled

― i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Tuesday, March 17, 2009 9:54 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

^^^winner

crude interloper of a once august profession (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 8 October 2010 20:25 (nine years ago) link

haw I saw this thread bumped and wondered if I'd shared that here before.

the only truffuluther on ilx (gbx), Friday, 8 October 2010 23:50 (nine years ago) link

2 yr old farted last night "hehehe i fahhted, do it again time"

definatelypoopsmcgee (chrisv2010), Monday, 18 October 2010 17:23 (nine years ago) link

lol

kkvgz, Friday, 22 October 2010 00:43 (nine years ago) link

Owen got up from his nap yesterday feeling cranky, so Ben went over to him, sat down, and said "Owen - tell your feelings to me."

schwantz, Friday, 22 October 2010 15:50 (nine years ago) link

A: mummy, are you happy?
Me: well, I'm a bit tired and grumpy
A: but I want you to be happy. Are you happy?
Me: why do you want me to be happy?
A: I want you to be my friend

Poor love, I had to explain to him that my happiness wasn't directly related to how I felt towards him, that I could be unhappy but still loved him and was his friend :0(

Vicky, Friday, 29 October 2010 11:13 (nine years ago) link

2 yr old farted last night "hehehe i fahhted, do it again time"

love the boston accent

progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Friday, 29 October 2010 16:25 (nine years ago) link

He just prank-called me:

"Dad, there's a man here who ... Mom-Mom wants to speak to you."
"Oh, okay buddy, why don't you put Mom-Mom on the phone?"
"YO MOMMA YO MOMMA YO MOMMA...HA HA HA HA HA! I GOT YOU!"

kkvgz, Tuesday, 2 November 2010 13:37 (nine years ago) link

Owen: "I tried the salsa!"

Ben: "You mean like a flying salsa?"

schwantz, Tuesday, 2 November 2010 20:48 (nine years ago) link

hey he is from worcester, same thing Tracer!

Str8 Drapin It (chrisv2010), Wednesday, 3 November 2010 18:17 (nine years ago) link

My Wife: The 40s are not ancient-history.

My 9-Year Old: Of course they are. The 70s are ancient-history.

Daniel, Esq., Friday, 5 November 2010 01:20 (nine years ago) link

My not-quite-2 yo daughter and my wife are "gorls" and I am a "bee". I always buzz when she says this, which makes my wife frown.

Well, because whatever happened changed him. (Dr. Superman), Sunday, 7 November 2010 23:14 (nine years ago) link

3-year-old Alice [sounding alarmed]: I'm growing out of my body!

Archel, Monday, 8 November 2010 16:06 (nine years ago) link

And on the way home today:
A: can we go to the shop and buy some lollipops?
Me: do you have any money?
A: no.
Me: well, we can't buy lollipops if we haven't got any money.
A: can we first go to the money shop and buy some money, then?

Archel, Monday, 8 November 2010 18:52 (nine years ago) link

Smart Alice!!

I read through this thread for the first time the other day and "Nice big penis, Dad" may be one of the funniest things ever. omg.

master of retardment (ENBB), Wednesday, 10 November 2010 23:13 (nine years ago) link

Our Alice (and our Amber) get amused by the stories of what they said when they were little..

One of the killer ones:

It was Easter, and Alice (about three) was doing a drawing of something which looked fairly random, inside an oval.
My Mum: "Oh, is that an Easter Egg"
Alice: "Yes"
Mum: "That's nice, so is that the Easter Bunny inside"
Alice: "No, it's a crocodile"
Mum: "Oh right." (thinks: OK, crocs do come out of eggs, so..) (points to a jagged line

Mark G, Thursday, 18 November 2010 14:36 (nine years ago) link

oops:

Mum: "Oh right." (thinks: OK, crocs do come out of eggs, so..) (points to a jagged line) "Yes, I can see his teeth there."
Alice (loudly) :"THAT'S HIS BLANKET!!"

My mum has to leave the room to avoid ROTFWLaughing)

Mark G, Thursday, 18 November 2010 14:37 (nine years ago) link

"No Ben. Transformers aren't animals; they're robots. That's why they do lots of stuff and transform."

schwantz, Thursday, 25 November 2010 03:09 (nine years ago) link

Howie (while stroking Archie's hair): "Archie, you are the most beautiful Archie I've EVER seen!"

Meg (Meg Busset), Friday, 26 November 2010 08:47 (nine years ago) link

omg awwww

ENBB, Friday, 26 November 2010 10:07 (nine years ago) link

too cute!

3 year old logic is great. Aidan wouldn't come with us to the scan so we showed him the (rubbish) pics when we got back but he wanted to see the baby. I explained he couldn't see it as it was in mummy's tummy, his reply was "take it out mummy, I want to see it!"

Vicky, Friday, 26 November 2010 11:18 (nine years ago) link

hahahahaha amazing - also, congratulations!

ENBB, Friday, 26 November 2010 13:16 (nine years ago) link

Henry: "AhhhhBah! AhhhhhhbBah!"
Beeps: "You can say that again!!"

Shakey Sides (sunny successor), Monday, 29 November 2010 03:36 (nine years ago) link

Beeps: "Mommy! You're hair is getting lighter!"
Me: "I know!"
Beeps: "But why?"
Me: "I don't know"
Beeps: "Maybe it will keep getting lighter and lighter"
Me: "Maybe. Maybe it will look like it did before (Blonde). Did you like it like that?"
Beeps: "Yeah because when its light little children can wake up inside it!"
Me: "Little children???"
Beeps: "Yeah"
Me: "What does that mean??
Beeps: "*sigh* I don't know!!"

Shakey Sides (sunny successor), Monday, 29 November 2010 04:22 (nine years ago) link

hahahahaha

ENBB, Monday, 29 November 2010 04:25 (nine years ago) link

*sigh*

BIG MUFFIN (gbx), Monday, 29 November 2010 16:24 (nine years ago) link

it's hard work, bein little

BIG MUFFIN (gbx), Monday, 29 November 2010 16:25 (nine years ago) link

hahaha

mormon's marmots (crüt), Monday, 29 November 2010 16:29 (nine years ago) link

I can't get over this, but Henry at 13-months is saying "Thank you" in a very low-key sort of way. He's been going Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma and Da-da-da-da-da for some time now, but these are actual words with an applied meaning. And it's "Thank you."

For comparison's sake, my first words were "Leave me alone" and Beeps' was "Uh-oh." Don't know what sunny's was, probably "Another Weetabix please" or something.

http://tinyurl.com/vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 29 November 2010 18:14 (nine years ago) link

i was with a couple of little kids last weekend and one of them, a girl, was playing with her plastic toy computer. and she looks up at me with a pained expression and whines:

"it says it's not connected to the internet but i know that it is!!"

testify, sister

progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 30 November 2010 14:42 (nine years ago) link

Owen made Ben spill his water, and we got angry at him. He then sulked over to my wife and gave her a hug.

Owen: "I'm not hugging you; you're hugging me, because you yelled at me."

schwantz, Wednesday, 1 December 2010 02:46 (nine years ago) link

Veronica: "oh shit I want some hummus"

a big influence on me in a non-stabbing non-killing way (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:38 (nine years ago) link

Uh oh...

schwantz, Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:39 (nine years ago) link

veronica otm

BIG MUFFIN (gbx), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:48 (nine years ago) link

hahahahaha

ENBB, Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:58 (nine years ago) link

: D

Julian Osage Orange (kkvgz), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 19:02 (nine years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Ad on TV: ".. and eight out of ten people agree this (whatever) performed the best"

Alice (now 10): "hmm. I wanna know what the other two said"

Mark G, Thursday, 23 December 2010 12:03 (nine years ago) link

i was at office xmas party and people brought their kids. a lot of the kids already knew each other from hanging out before. one little girl walked into the room:

boy: lily's here! [walks up to her, pauses] did she shrink?

positive reflection is the key (harbl), Thursday, 23 December 2010 12:25 (nine years ago) link

lol

ENBB, Thursday, 23 December 2010 13:35 (nine years ago) link

Me and the Beeps in my car parked at a strip mall waiting for my mom to pick up the pizzas we'd ordered.
Me: "Ooooh I want to look inside that thrift store."
Beeps: "Me too! Let's go!"
Me: "Sorry, Babydoll. Its closed right now."
Beeps: "No its not."
Me: "uhhh yes it is.
Beeps: "NO its NOT"
Me: "YES it IS"
Beeps: "NO ITS NOT!!"
Me: "YES IT IS!!!"
Beeps:" YES ITS NOT!!!"
Me: ***silence***
Beeps: "Mommy, I said 'YES ITS NOT!'"
Me: "Look, lady, don't be trying that game on me. I INVENTED that game!'
Beeps: "Yeah? Well I HATED that game!!!!"

calling planet dearth (sunny successor), Monday, 27 December 2010 07:07 (nine years ago) link

LOL.

schwantz, Monday, 27 December 2010 15:48 (nine years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Veronica: the horse has to get a tattoo to prove himself!
Me: wtf

assorted curses (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 12 January 2011 17:07 (nine years ago) link

Real life lols right here

calling planet dearth (sunny successor), Wednesday, 12 January 2011 21:44 (nine years ago) link

Seems like everyday they have a conversation based around their endless play-adventures which cracks us up. Yesterday, Ava was conducting a chat between two reindeers...

R1: "Why are you sitting down, we have so much to do!"
R2: "Haven't you heard? Christmas is cancelled because all the children have been turned into SKELETONS!"

Michael Jones, Sunday, 23 January 2011 13:42 (nine years ago) link

Right now, they're dangling their Lego Bionicles over the banister on the stairs (on string/ribbon which Ava appears to have knotted herself) and are talking to each other in robot voices. They've been doing this for HALF AN HOUR. Oh, and now it's a robot sea shanty.

Michael Jones, Sunday, 23 January 2011 13:46 (nine years ago) link

:) My boys call them Bahnicles.

schwantz, Sunday, 23 January 2011 16:43 (nine years ago) link

Wtf is a Bionicle? We're still on Lego Duplo...

Meg (Meg Busset), Tuesday, 25 January 2011 23:21 (nine years ago) link

i thought it was like steve austin and jamie somers???

calling planet dearth (sunny successor), Wednesday, 26 January 2011 00:06 (nine years ago) link

apparently Veronica has now named several of her Legos people after the members of Schwantz's family ("does Tracy want to ride the bus? wait for Ben and Owen!" lol)

ex-heroin addict tricycle (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 27 January 2011 16:20 (nine years ago) link

:)

schwantz, Thursday, 27 January 2011 16:46 (nine years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Beeps and I were at McDonald's on Saturday where an employee (who was young and, as I would reluctantly point out, a bit dimwitted) came by our table. He asked how old she was and I told him almost four. Then he asked if I was her grandfather.

Now, I had gone out and stayed past curfew for the first time in awhile the night before. I was unshaven, wearing my glasses and a checkered flannel shirt. But man, even from someone who appeared to not be all there, it kind of hit hard. Even after the guy moseyed on, Beeps picked up on it right away.

B: "That man said you were my grandfather."
PP: "Yes, I heard him."

OLD WOMAN IN BOOTH BEHIND US: "It's okay! You don't look that old!"

Anyway. I think Beeps thinks she's found something useful to use in conversation. Like yesterday, as we were getting ready for me to take her and her little brother over to my dad's house.

B: "Where are we going?"
PP: "You're going to spend the afternoon with your grandparents."
B: "I'm going to spend the afternoon with you?"
PP: "I'm not your grandfather!"
B: "Well, everyone says you are."

From upstairs, I could hear Sunny exploding with laughter. She's the one who transcribed the above conversation.

http://tinyurl.com/lil-shits (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 14 February 2011 18:29 (nine years ago) link

Hah.

Not quite as bad, but from Howie who'd drawn a picture of his family the other day: "That one is Daddy, that one is Howie and that one is Archie. And that one (points at short stumpy one) is you, Mummy, because you are very short."

Meg (Meg Busset), Monday, 14 February 2011 22:51 (nine years ago) link

"I'm not a snack, I'm a person!"

never meant to heart anyone (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 17 February 2011 16:51 (nine years ago) link

omg

ENBB, Thursday, 17 February 2011 16:51 (nine years ago) link

That was too all of the recent updates btw.

ENBB, Thursday, 17 February 2011 16:52 (nine years ago) link

On rainforest fauna:

'Is the rainforest where reindeer live?'
'Is it called an aye-aye because it has two eyes?'

Archel, Friday, 18 February 2011 12:14 (nine years ago) link

Ben (looking at a picture on my shirt): "That's a barrel."

Owen: "Keep your paws to yourself is a bear-rule."

schwantz, Sunday, 20 February 2011 15:59 (eight years ago) link

clver!

ullr saves (gbx), Sunday, 20 February 2011 19:46 (eight years ago) link

During a conversation about where babies come from:

Howie: "When me and Archie were in your tummy we played lots of games together."
Me: "I don't think you were in my tummy at the same time as Archie. You came out two years earlier."
Howie (brightly): "That means I won!"

Meg (Meg Busset), Sunday, 20 February 2011 19:54 (eight years ago) link

Ah, but ...

I was explaining the whole "eggs in mummy's tummy" business.

Alice: "But how did the eggs get there?"
Me: "They were all there when Mummy was born"
Alice: "hmm. So, that means My egg and Amber's egg are exactly the same age"
Me: ".... yeah!"
Alice: (saying nothing, but now has decided Amber doesn't have 2 years superiority anymore)

― Mark G, Friday, 13 February 2009 11:10 (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

So, Howie and Archie were definitely in, at the same time!

Mark G, Monday, 21 February 2011 10:11 (eight years ago) link

Proven by science!

Archel, Monday, 21 February 2011 12:16 (eight years ago) link

Lulu made a sort of dog today, from crepe paper and plastic. "Daddy, he's very strong and if you try to break him, he will set you on fire." "Wow, what's his name?" (pause) "His name is If You Try To Break Him He Will Set You On Fire."

Michael Jones, Friday, 4 March 2011 00:02 (eight years ago) link

And They Will Know Him By the Trail of People Who Tried to Break Him and Were Subsequently et on Fire

You hurt me deeply. You hurt me deeply in my heart. (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 4 March 2011 00:46 (eight years ago) link

No, you see, Daddy He's Very Strong and If You Try To Break Him He Will Set You On Fire is the name of my dog.

Pleasant Plains, Friday, 4 March 2011 01:20 (eight years ago) link

"Mummy, you are good at telling off, and opening."

Meg (Meg Busset), Friday, 4 March 2011 18:08 (eight years ago) link

Me: Cole can you pick up that (unused) diaper on the floor please?
Cole: Daddy, that is NOT a diaper, THAT is a pull-up.
Me: Ok pal.

OLD MAN YELLS AT SHOUT RAP (chrisv2010), Friday, 4 March 2011 18:47 (eight years ago) link

I have that exact same conversation once a week.

Pleasant Plains, Friday, 4 March 2011 18:51 (eight years ago) link

this is not as exciting as many of these updates, but my 18-month old exclaims "OHHHH DUDE!" whenever she sees an airplane.

tylerw, Sunday, 6 March 2011 20:59 (eight years ago) link

hahahahaha

ENBB, Sunday, 6 March 2011 20:59 (eight years ago) link

i guess it is an appropriate response to seeing an airplane.

tylerw, Sunday, 6 March 2011 21:10 (eight years ago) link

totally

ENBB, Sunday, 6 March 2011 21:10 (eight years ago) link

whenever cole see an airplane he yells out "BUZZ LIGHTYEAR TO FINITEE AND BEYON"

OLD MAN YELLS AT SHOUT RAP (chrisv2010), Monday, 7 March 2011 15:14 (eight years ago) link

"daddy i washed my WEINER"

where the f did he learn that one.

The Scenario (chrisv2010), Wednesday, 16 March 2011 17:46 (eight years ago) link

not a sentence, but this morning my son did a gigantic poo in his potty (he is potty training) and disappeared behind the door on his way to empty it out in the toilet - he came back a second later kind of grinning and held up his hand for a high-five

40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 16 March 2011 17:49 (eight years ago) link

(and then went and emptied it)

40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 16 March 2011 17:50 (eight years ago) link

haha. i am scared of potty training, but i guess we'll have to get going on it soon. our friends with a slightly older kid did this potty training "boot camp" kind of thing where it was like an intense weekend of not leaving the house ... which sounded terrible, but it seems to have worked?
anyhoo, my daughter's main verbal thing now is "book-a-book-a-book-a!" repeated over and over when she wants to read a book. or read another book.

tylerw, Wednesday, 16 March 2011 17:56 (eight years ago) link

From last Friday: "I hope Godzilla's okay."

kkvgz, Thursday, 17 March 2011 01:14 (eight years ago) link

: |

kkvgz, Thursday, 17 March 2011 01:15 (eight years ago) link

Oh, and he's got the chorus to Blue Oyster Cult's "Godzilla" stuck in his head too.

kkvgz, Thursday, 17 March 2011 01:24 (eight years ago) link

"WWGD?"

Mark G, Friday, 18 March 2011 09:35 (eight years ago) link

> "I hope Godzilla's okay."

don't let him watch the very first godzilla film - they explode all the oxygen in the water where he is and the last thing you see is his ribcage settling on the bottom.

luckily for the franchise this is followed by a scientist saying that further nuclear testing could easily produce more godzillas.

koogs, Friday, 18 March 2011 09:39 (eight years ago) link

Yeah, he thinks black and white is boring anyways. : )

Algae-Eating Bowlkeeper (kkvgz), Friday, 18 March 2011 09:49 (eight years ago) link

BEEPS: You should grow a mustache.

ME: You don't think you'd get just a little scared if I started walking around with a mustache?

BEEPS: Well. You don't have to grow a REALLY BIG mustache! [holds her hands out to imaginary cat whiskers.]

Pleasant Plains, Thursday, 31 March 2011 17:29 (eight years ago) link

Me personally, I find the smaller mustaches even scarier.

Pleasant Plains, Thursday, 31 March 2011 17:29 (eight years ago) link

aw

kkvgz, Thursday, 31 March 2011 17:30 (eight years ago) link

once very cheerfully yelled to my pal "see you later, asshole!" as our parents were taking us home from preschool. my mom was not, uh, thrilled

― i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Tuesday, March 17, 2009 4:54 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I am LOLing so hard here...

phantoms from a world gone by speak again the immortal tale: (Jenny), Thursday, 31 March 2011 18:57 (eight years ago) link

Yesterday, at preschool:

Teacher: So when you breathe in (mimes breathing in, shows her chest puff out), where does the air go?
Other Kid: Your stomach?
Teacher: No...
Ben: Oh! Your boobies!

schwantz, Thursday, 31 March 2011 19:57 (eight years ago) link

It's a wonder more babies don't get the hiccups.

Pleasant Plains, Thursday, 31 March 2011 20:00 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

"I'm a sassy pooper!"

you sure are, kid

The Everybody Buys 1000 Aerosmith Albums A Month Club (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 20 April 2011 18:25 (eight years ago) link

hahahahaha

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 20 April 2011 18:31 (eight years ago) link

Old People Say The Darndest Things would of been a good show

cold hands of monkeys on my heart (CaptainLorax), Wednesday, 20 April 2011 20:08 (eight years ago) link

Would be called "Kind of LOL But Mostly Sad"

the wages of sin is about tree fiddy (WmC), Wednesday, 20 April 2011 20:10 (eight years ago) link

Ava has started to convene twice-daily meetings in her bedroom where she is the mayor and she tells us her opinions and summarises recent events. She reverses the big armchair, clambers in, leans on a cushion and delivers her speech. It lasts about 20min.

Last night I got the lowdown on how practically everyone in her class had dressed on World Book Day (of course, on WBD itself she was totally unforthcoming about this - we had to wait until she rolled out the info) and "things I like about my sister". This included "things she makes from Lego - you can see an example of her work over there" and "her love for hippos". I also learned that the plush hippos are called "Spotius" and "Big Fat" or, alternatively, "Surrey Hike" and "Plantar Boardby".

"The next mayor meeting is at ONE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING and I need both you and Mummy to be there." Thankfully we had it at 7:15am instead.

Lulu has also been invited to participate. She mostly talks about her bunny and pulls hilarious faces.

Michael Jones, Thursday, 21 April 2011 09:56 (eight years ago) link

What band's EP would look like this?

1. Spotius
2. Big Fat
3. Surrey Hike
4. Plantar Boardby

Evil Eau (dog latin), Thursday, 21 April 2011 09:59 (eight years ago) link

Deerhunter

The Everybody Buys 1000 Aerosmith Albums A Month Club (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 21 April 2011 15:44 (eight years ago) link

"things she makes from Lego - you can see an example of her work over there"

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 A V A <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Back up the lesbian canoe (Laurel), Thursday, 21 April 2011 15:52 (eight years ago) link

also

"things I like about my sister . . . her love for hippos"

hysterical

show Lulu this picture of a mama and baby hippo - I bet she'd love it: http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/216392_10150179343042147_28896772146_6800898_746566_n.jpg

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Thursday, 21 April 2011 16:02 (eight years ago) link

Haaa...Michael, that is fantastic.

calling planet smurf (sunny successor), Friday, 22 April 2011 08:34 (eight years ago) link

Lulu was totally charmed by the hippo picture, btw!

Michael Jones, Friday, 22 April 2011 14:27 (eight years ago) link

:D

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Friday, 22 April 2011 15:23 (eight years ago) link

chill fuckin hippos

Some other race (nakhchivan), Friday, 22 April 2011 15:37 (eight years ago) link

Playground exchange:

Other kid: I'm black, you're white!
Veronica: I'm white, you're black!
Other kid: I'm the Hulk!
Veronica: I'm Cinderella!

US race relations SOLVED

The Everybody Buys 1000 Aerosmith Albums A Month Club (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 26 April 2011 15:32 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

"what's happening, Pancho Villa?"

tbf I WAS wearing an oversized novelty sombrero

american thinker (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 11 May 2011 18:49 (eight years ago) link

LOL

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 11 May 2011 18:59 (eight years ago) link

Ben just said to Owen "I'm not mean, I'm just naughty."

schwantz, Thursday, 12 May 2011 04:03 (eight years ago) link

honestly I think kids saying funny stuff is like the number three reason I would like to have kids

cop a cute abdomen (gbx), Thursday, 12 May 2011 04:09 (eight years ago) link

Lulu is wearing her Powerpuff Girls T-shirt to bed.
L: I am the one with blonde hair, Ava is the one with a red bow, Mummy is the one with black hair.
Me: Who am I?
A: Maybe you're the writing underneath.
L: NO, NO, Daddy's the stars on my knickers!

Michael Jones, Saturday, 14 May 2011 07:32 (eight years ago) link

HAHAHAHAAHA

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Saturday, 14 May 2011 07:33 (eight years ago) link

IRL LOL.

Madchen, Saturday, 14 May 2011 07:34 (eight years ago) link

mike = professor utonium, obviously

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/2/2b/Professor_Utonium_PPG.jpg/160px-Professor_Utonium_PPG.jpg

koogs, Saturday, 14 May 2011 08:33 (eight years ago) link

A & L playing with Lego and figures on the landing upstairs...

L: "Who are they? Are they OK?"
A: "That's Ramshacklee, Ramshackala and Ramshackle. But their names don't matter - they've fallen off a 100-foot cliff."
L: "Are you going to bury them?"
A: "No, I'll wait for them to come alive again."
L: "Ok. I'm going SWIMMING! To feed the sharks with LOVELY GRASS!"

And so on. FOR HOURS.

Michael Jones, Saturday, 14 May 2011 10:11 (eight years ago) link

That's exactly who I thought of.

Michael Jones, Saturday, 14 May 2011 10:19 (eight years ago) link

Ramshacklee, Ramshackala and Ramshackle. But their names don't matter - they've fallen off a 100-foot cliff.

Sounds like the premise for an awesome television serial.

broodje kroket (dog latin), Saturday, 14 May 2011 13:14 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Exchange between my friend and his daughter:

Him: "I may never understand your need to make everything more difficult for everyone."
Her: "Everyone has needs, Dad."

Darin, Friday, 3 June 2011 20:04 (eight years ago) link

Sunny trying to coax some problem-solving…

MOM: Well, Beeps, ask yourself where you last saw him.
BEEPS: BUT, I can't ask myself a question!

отдых в Крыму! (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 3 June 2011 20:09 (eight years ago) link

Us taking off on a flight to Missouri last week:

Me: Sweetie, take your pacifier. It will help your ears.
Chloe: *sticks pacifier in ear*

Darin, Friday, 3 June 2011 20:27 (eight years ago) link

screaming at the top of his lungs last night while my wife was at paul simon..."I WANT YODA, I WANT SAUSAGES". Daddy wants a vacation.

Bert Macklin, F.B.I. (thebingo), Friday, 3 June 2011 20:45 (eight years ago) link

"I WANT YODA, I WANT SAUSAGES" - new board description plz

Darin, Friday, 3 June 2011 21:18 (eight years ago) link

Exchange between my friend and his daughter:

Him: "I may never understand your need to make everything more difficult for everyone."
Her: "Everyone has needs, Dad."
--Darin

Lol. This sounds like Kirby and his daughter, Darin.

righteousmaelstrom, Friday, 3 June 2011 21:46 (eight years ago) link

You are correct, sir!

Darin, Friday, 3 June 2011 21:48 (eight years ago) link

Ben, the other day to my stepmom:

"When you're mean to your friends, that's when you know you're alive."

Uh oh.

schwantz, Saturday, 4 June 2011 01:10 (eight years ago) link

lol, that is disgraceful.

estela, Saturday, 4 June 2011 06:13 (eight years ago) link

oh my god. something tells me ben is going to excel in high school.

Serial Chiller (sunny successor), Sunday, 5 June 2011 03:32 (eight years ago) link

If only he was a girl...

schwantz, Sunday, 5 June 2011 06:36 (eight years ago) link

two months pass...

My daughter has very clearly been enunciating "daddy" all week and I've been stoked because she's sorta been doing mama and dada and baba (for bottle), but it hasn't been very distinct. I felt very proud for a couple of days until, after careful observation, I realized that she thinks "daddy" means "cat".

kkvgz, Friday, 5 August 2011 19:01 (eight years ago) link

ahahahaha

g++ (gbx), Friday, 5 August 2011 19:38 (eight years ago) link

awww :D

There was some story on ILX a long time ago about someone's kid thinking toast meant frog and I wish I could remember the deetz because it was pretty funny iirc.

ladies love draculas like children love stray dogs (ENBB), Friday, 5 August 2011 19:39 (eight years ago) link

Stories from the past:

In Supermarket, Alice aged 2.

Alice: "MARK!!!"
Me: "Alice, I'm your dad! I'm not your mother's boyfriend!"
Alice: "a Ha hahaha ha!"

Mark G, Saturday, 6 August 2011 23:39 (eight years ago) link

toast:
Hello Mudduh Hello Fadduh: ILX Rolling Parenting Thread

circles, Sunday, 7 August 2011 00:38 (eight years ago) link

:)

TOAST!

ladies love draculas like children love stray dogs (ENBB), Sunday, 7 August 2011 01:50 (eight years ago) link

baby has learned to "meow" (more like a high-pitched howl) when she sees our cats or pictures of cats.
the other day we were at the pool, and there were a bunch of kids from the boys & girls club swimming around. i said "hey look at all the kiddies!" she started meowing. she thought i said kitties.

congratulations (n/a), Sunday, 7 August 2011 13:53 (eight years ago) link

that's so cute

corey, Sunday, 7 August 2011 15:44 (eight years ago) link

"daddy?"

"yes?"

"i don't like your shirt"

Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 10 August 2011 10:55 (eight years ago) link

lol

ladies love draculas like children love stray dogs (ENBB), Wednesday, 10 August 2011 11:35 (eight years ago) link

We were all playing with their nanny Allison the other day.

Ben: "I love you, Allison."

Allison: "Awwww. Thanks Ben!"

Ben: "If you leave, I make you die."

schwantz, Wednesday, 10 August 2011 16:11 (eight years ago) link

Walking past a schoolyard being mowed by a big green tractor.
"I love tractors! Tractors are my favourite colour!"
"Really? Your favourite colour is green?"
"No, my favourite colour is tractors!"

like working at a jewelry store and not knowing about bracelets (Dr. Superman), Thursday, 11 August 2011 21:18 (eight years ago) link

E (4 year old boy) runs into the room...

-- "Papa, it was gone and now it's back!"
-- "Mm. What was?"
-- "The moon. Yes!! [pumps fist] The moon likes me!"

This after the moon "followed" him on the drive home from the peace festival.

misty sensorium (Plasmon), Friday, 12 August 2011 00:44 (eight years ago) link

:D what a bunch of darlings.

estela, Friday, 12 August 2011 00:49 (eight years ago) link

Earlier this summer:

--"Papa, I found a dead ladybug. It was outside on the ground."
--"Oh, that's too bad..."
--"I put him in this [hollow plastic] egg."
--"What for?"
--"He's gonna stay there for a lo-o-o-o-ong time".

misty sensorium (Plasmon), Friday, 12 August 2011 01:34 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Riding home from daycare, staying in the flow of traffic, etc.

BEEPS: You know, none of us are talking to each other right now. It's been very quiet.
ME: … …. … Well. Yeah. How about you tell me about something you learned today during –
BEEPS: SSSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!!

Aphex Twin … in my vagina? (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 26 August 2011 16:41 (eight years ago) link

last weekend

two year old nephew: tio, here, come here.
me (crossing room): okay, what is it?
two year old nephew: this is my butt

* moons me *

me: uhh ...

new year old nephew: (running out of the room to my sister) hahaha i show tio my butt!

come back to the five and dime remy bean, (remy bean), Friday, 26 August 2011 16:47 (eight years ago) link

LOL

Nephew is awesome.

your mom the burrito (ENBB), Friday, 26 August 2011 16:59 (eight years ago) link

lol @ beeps too

your mom the burrito (ENBB), Friday, 26 August 2011 16:59 (eight years ago) link

My neph: Auntie Lolo, pull me (across the pool) to the ladder!
Halfway there: I'm being a TRAILER!

---

5 mins later:

Neph: Now make me go like a boat!
Me: How do boats go??
Neph: FORWARD. (Duh.)

arch midwestern housewife named (Laurel), Friday, 26 August 2011 17:04 (eight years ago) link

Two-and-a-half y.o. daughter at a controlled crosswalk: Now it says "WALK!" Now it says "HIGH FIVE!"

like working at a jewelry store and not knowing about bracelets (Dr. Superman), Saturday, 27 August 2011 19:03 (eight years ago) link

Ava is making a post-bedtime habit recently of calling down to me because she's "scared". Sometimes it's ghosts, sometimes it's faces she can see in the cardboard castle at the end of her bed...the other night it was because she was worrying about "pneumonia" and "Venus fly-traps"...

Then she had a rant the other day about needles (it must be three years since she had a jab)... "I HATE needles and I think all dentists should be DRAGGED OFF TO JAIL and all hospitals BURNED TO THE GROUND." "What about all the sick people, Ava?" "Well, I would make myself the health inspector and... (thinks) Oh no, that's hygiene in cafes..."

Michael Jones, Saturday, 27 August 2011 19:44 (eight years ago) link

Showed the girls Star Wars for the first time yesterday.

Ava, sometime later: "I don't think Obi-Wan sacrificed himself, Daddy. I think he just wasn't paying attention."

Later, waiting for a bus:
"Maybe all the buses have been disqualified from running, like Bolt."
That's practically Radio 4 material!

Michael Jones, Tuesday, 30 August 2011 14:02 (eight years ago) link

ahahaha

remembrance of schwings past (gbx), Tuesday, 30 August 2011 18:02 (eight years ago) link

Older daughter in the middle of the night when my wife was out of town: "Daddy, I can't sleep and I ... WHO IS THAT BEHIND YOU!!!"

Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 4 September 2011 02:36 (eight years ago) link

Jesus. What was the darnedest thing that your wife said in response?

pullapartsquirrel (Jenny), Sunday, 4 September 2011 02:45 (eight years ago) link

She was ... out of town. My daughter pulled that one on me! It was the middle of the night, though, so I just said "no one's there, go back to sleep."

And then I looked behind me.

Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 4 September 2011 03:37 (eight years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Ben: This song is terrible.

Friend: It's called."Super Trouper."

Ben: It's super terrible.

schwantz, Sunday, 25 September 2011 04:38 (eight years ago) link

<3 shows great promise

estela, Sunday, 25 September 2011 04:45 (eight years ago) link

"just dance"

*melts*

Young Swell (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 26 September 2011 18:52 (eight years ago) link

L performs some new physical feat as an avoidance tactic, looks up at me with wide eyes:

"THAT was impressive!"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 26 September 2011 22:46 (eight years ago) link

I HATE needles and I think all dentists should be DRAGGED OFF TO JAIL and all hospitals BURNED TO THE GROUND."

Man!!

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 26 September 2011 22:47 (eight years ago) link

It's all that Dahl and Snicket swimming around in her head.

Michael Jones, Monday, 26 September 2011 22:49 (eight years ago) link

"L stop banging your fork on the table"

"I'm sorry daddy. I'm just crazy"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 28 September 2011 12:29 (eight years ago) link

LOL

will eat pudding (ENBB), Wednesday, 28 September 2011 21:07 (eight years ago) link

Me: I love you, baby...

Ben: We're not babies!

Owen: No Ben, he meant "behbeh..."

schwantz, Wednesday, 28 September 2011 21:40 (eight years ago) link

Ava, sometime later: "I don't think Obi-Wan sacrificed himself, Daddy. I think he just wasn't paying attention."

This is f*cking hilarious!

Silent Hedgehogs (Trayce), Thursday, 29 September 2011 06:52 (eight years ago) link

"being a mom means you're old!"

unorthodox economic revenge (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 30 September 2011 16:01 (eight years ago) link

^^^real talk

(♯`∧´) (gbx), Friday, 30 September 2011 16:07 (eight years ago) link

Had a hilarious conversation with Owen while he as on the can last night:

Owen: When I'm 7, you're going to be 41.
Me: That's right!
Owen: What?! How did I know that?

Owen: When I'm 8, you'll be 42. And when I'm 9, you'll be 43!
Me: Yep!
Owen: I didn't think I was smart, but I AM smart!

Owen (looking at a Lego catalog): This star wars ship is cool! I think it's even cooler than you to me.
Me: I'm pretty cool...
Owen: You're smart-cool.

schwantz, Friday, 30 September 2011 16:48 (eight years ago) link

"as" = "was"

schwantz, Friday, 30 September 2011 16:49 (eight years ago) link

lol

will eat pudding (ENBB), Friday, 30 September 2011 16:50 (eight years ago) link

"mommy, I don't like Prada"

unorthodox economic revenge (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 3 October 2011 16:31 (eight years ago) link

I'm starting to question Veronica's taste level...

schwantz, Monday, 3 October 2011 16:56 (eight years ago) link

on the other hand, the cheese-counter guy at Rainbow says she has a "refined palette"

unorthodox economic revenge (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 3 October 2011 16:58 (eight years ago) link

Owen: Can R2D2 fly?
Me: No.
Owen: Does he have a jetpack so he can fly?
Me: No.
Owen: Well, he needs to get one.

schwantz, Thursday, 6 October 2011 02:57 (eight years ago) link

One kid to another at school:

"Are you going because you want to go, or are you going because your brain is half as big as it should be?"

ban this sick stunt (anagram), Friday, 7 October 2011 07:43 (eight years ago) link

UNION PACIFIC TRAIN: "HHHhhhhhhUUUUUrrrrRRRWWwwww"
HENRY: "What."
UNION PACIFIC TRAIN: "HHHhhhhhhUUUUUrrrrRRRWWwwww"
HENRY: "What."

Pleasant Plains, Friday, 7 October 2011 14:05 (eight years ago) link

i'm sure i've seen r2d2 flying. episode 2.

koogs, Friday, 7 October 2011 15:18 (eight years ago) link

one month passes...

Ben: I'm not obsessed with robots anymore.
Me: No? What are you obsessed with now?
Ben: Blue. I'm super-obsessed with that.

Owen, after I gave him a big piece of celery with peanut butter: That's what I'm talking about, Daddy!

schwantz, Saturday, 12 November 2011 01:55 (eight years ago) link

On a crowded bus, I surrender my seat to a cute little girl, about 4yo, and her mom. Mom thanks me and I catch the kid's eye and say "Hi!" Kid just looks at me and her mom says, "Say hello!" With obvious trepidation, kid says "Hi…" then stage whispers to her mother accusingly, "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers!"

They're coming to get you, (Jenny), Thursday, 17 November 2011 01:05 (eight years ago) link

a few weeks ago my husband told some neighbourhood children that our dog's full name is professor harry brown and he saw them again yesterday and they ran over and patted harry and said, isn't your dog a doctor or something? while harry beamed at them moronically.

estela, Thursday, 17 November 2011 01:29 (eight years ago) link

lol

:)

Juggy Brottleteen (ENBB), Thursday, 17 November 2011 01:38 (eight years ago) link

evie was sitting on the couch looking at the zooborns book that Jenny got her and she turned to the page with the okapi and said something that sounded exactly like "okapi." it was probably a random confluence of syllables that sounded like okapi but it sounded a hell of a lot like okapi.

congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 17 November 2011 18:57 (eight years ago) link

okapis are awesome and I never heard of them until I was in my late 20s. Good work familiarizing her early.

rustic italian flatbread, Thursday, 17 November 2011 18:59 (eight years ago) link

one month passes...

Thought this was an good a place as any* for the highlight from Ava's blow-by-blow account of the nativity:

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7172/6655277141_dcac15cc78.jpg

(* - i.e. I searched for "darndest" as all the other threads are lost in the mists of time...was there one for stuff kids make?)

Michael Jones, Saturday, 7 January 2012 22:27 (eight years ago) link

Hahaha thats fantastic! Reminds me of this exchange between me and the Beeps earlier this week:

I had to pick up a prescription from my OBGYN the other day which doesn't involve seeing the doc at all, just the receptionist. Anyway, Beeps was with me and when I told I needed to stop by my docs office for a moment:

Beeps: "*very fretfully* What if the doctor notices something wrong with me? What if he thinks I'm cold???"
Me: "Bee, we wont see the doctor. He'll be in the back with his patients. Even if we did he's not that kind of doctor. This kind of doctor helps ladies have babies. In fact he and your daddy were the first people to ever see you and Henry!"
Beeps: "I DONT WANT TO HAVE A BABY!!!! DON'T LET THE DOCTOR TAKE A BABY OUT OF MY BELLY, MOMMY!!!!!! *Now verging on tears with the choked up voice* MOMMY, PLEASE DON'T LET HIM DO IT!!"

I just got back from a dream attack (sunny successor), Saturday, 7 January 2012 23:13 (eight years ago) link

BTW there is a photos your kids take thread but no art thread (i dont think?) One def needs to be started.

ILP rolling photo your kids take quarantine

I just got back from a dream attack (sunny successor), Saturday, 7 January 2012 23:17 (eight years ago) link

Awwww Beeps! So cute.

☆★☆彡彡 (ENBB), Sunday, 8 January 2012 00:09 (eight years ago) link

ill type out our hooters conversation from today in a little while

I just got back from a dream attack (sunny successor), Sunday, 8 January 2012 06:07 (eight years ago) link

hahahaha pls do!

☆★☆彡彡 (ENBB), Sunday, 8 January 2012 06:08 (eight years ago) link

Beeps and I often pass Hooters on the way the the pet store. Yesterday she says:

Beeps: 'Look at that owl! That's where the bad men go!!!

I guess at some point in the past she wanted to go in and i told her its just gross guys eating chicken wings and looking at the waitresses boobies.

Me: "Yep thats the place"
Beeps "If I went in the there and any of those men were mean to me.....
Me "well wait up a minute. Boys can't do ANYTHING to you until your 18 because they'll end up in Jail if Mommy doesn't kill them first and even after your 18 if a boy tries to do anything to you dont want him to hes going to jail then too. If Mommy doesn't kill; him first, of course."
Beeps: "If one of them tried to do anything to me i'd kick them with my boots and then I'd punch them with my boots"
Me: "Well first ou want to scream real big them start beating the crap out them!" Hey, you how boys are different in the front than girl's?
Beeps: 'Yeah"
Me; :Well they can get REALLY sore there. You get a good swift knee or boot in that area and they'll fall to the ground and cry and wont be able to get up"
Beeps: 'HAHAHAHA and you know what else I'd do Mommy? id kick them down into something really sticky so they'd could never get up again"
Me; Haha. Great idea!

I just got back from a dream attack (sunny successor), Monday, 9 January 2012 08:33 (eight years ago) link

I think she's gonna turn out just fine!

Michael Jones, Monday, 9 January 2012 09:39 (eight years ago) link

that is darndest+++

estela, Monday, 9 January 2012 11:20 (eight years ago) link

<3

☆★☆彡彡 (ENBB), Monday, 9 January 2012 11:59 (eight years ago) link

Thumbs up! How old is beeps nowadays?

beachville, Monday, 9 January 2012 13:02 (eight years ago) link

she'll be 5 in march. how did that happen???

I just got back from a dream attack (sunny successor), Wednesday, 11 January 2012 01:03 (eight years ago) link

Damn, I don't want to have to explain to my baby girl about the bad men at Hooters before she's like 8 or 9 or something. : (

beachville, Wednesday, 11 January 2012 09:40 (eight years ago) link

I think possibly the third or at most fourth thing that went through my mind when I found out I was having a daughter was "as soon as she's old enough I'm going to explain to her about how she should kick guys in the nards if they try anything"

Oh shit, that's my bone! (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 11 January 2012 18:01 (eight years ago) link

two months pass...

(Sometimes I feel like such a troll dad.)

BEEPS
Daddy, aliens don't exist, right?

ME
Right. Until we're proven otherwise.

BEEPS
And there's no such thing as ghosts?

ME
No such thing as ghosts. Those are only pretend on TV.

BEEPS
What about volcanos?

ME
Volcanos? Oh, those things are everywhere. Here, let me show you some pictures on my iPhone...

pplains, Sunday, 1 April 2012 17:16 (seven years ago) link

oh lord

fine with 49 (sunny successor), Sunday, 1 April 2012 21:47 (seven years ago) link

Beeps spent weeks before her birthday begging for her very own goldfish. She told us how she would LOVE the fish SO much and make sure it was happy and heathy and loved all the time. I hated the idea but finally we relented and her grandfather bought her a 5gal tank with glow in the dark plants, a spongebob pineapple house, neon pebbles etc Like a totally tricked out tank.

So a couple of weeks later the water is disgusting. Like I mean her entire room smelled of fish crap. This was partly pp and my fault because we just can't seem to get the whole bio circle in sync and partly beeps and henrys fault for feeding the fish 9 pinches of food at a time a gazillion times a day and not using the water conditioner stuff that i guess kills the poop and keeps the water health .

Anyway, I peered into the murky water to catch a glimpse of 'Princess Pink' and there she was swimming about just fine BUT her previously golden body had changed to black fins and black lines around her gils. I later learned these are ammonia burns and aren't fatal but at the time it freaked me out because it looks really bad.

Me (Shocked and semi-hysterical): "Beatrice!! Look at princess pink! HER TAIL AND GILS ARE BLACK!!!"
Beeps (Giving the fish tank a cursory glance and speaking very calmly): "Oh. Why does she have black?"
Me (Now passive aggressive (yeah - I know) and still semi-hysterical): "Uhhhh maybe because she's breathing in FILTH from the FILTHY gross water she swimming in which is filthy and gross because no one puts water cleaner in it and she gets fed 100 times a day??????"
Beeps (Still calm and looking at her LeapPad): "Hmmmm...Is she sick?"
Me (Checking my bad parenting and speaking much more calmly): "Well, I dont know but she doesn't look so good"
Beeps (SO Nonchalantly): "*Sigh* Oh well. She was a good fish"
Me:(Incredulous)"BEATRICE! SHES NOT DEAD YET!!"
Beeps: "oh yeah." (shoulder shrug)

GAH

fine with 49 (sunny successor), Sunday, 1 April 2012 22:29 (seven years ago) link

"my arm is too windy"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 2 April 2012 10:23 (seven years ago) link

Oh well. She was a good fish

:D

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 2 April 2012 10:24 (seven years ago) link

premature beepitaph

estela, Monday, 2 April 2012 10:49 (seven years ago) link

Ben: it still smells like pizza in my throat. Oh! I mean uvula!

schwantz, Thursday, 12 April 2012 15:47 (seven years ago) link

they're learning

catbus otm (gbx), Friday, 13 April 2012 13:59 (seven years ago) link

evie's new thing is laying down on the ground very slowly, saying "oh no i fall down" then immediately saying "are you ok? are you ok?" (because that's what we say to her when she falls down)

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 13 April 2012 17:50 (seven years ago) link

awwww

wolf kabob (ENBB), Friday, 13 April 2012 18:01 (seven years ago) link

"26, 27, 28, THIRTY!!"

"you forgot 29"

"there is NO TWENTY NINE IN MY LIFE!!"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 17 April 2012 19:50 (seven years ago) link

LOL!

schwantz, Tuesday, 17 April 2012 20:04 (seven years ago) link

I got in trouble the other night because Beeps told sunny how there's a man who lives in the ground, under the dirt, and at night, he comes into the house and throws dirt at everyone's faces. When asked from where she got this information, Beeps replied "From Daddy."

So I had to explain that I had told her about THE SANDMAN, lightly sprinkling crystals into her eyes to make her go to sleep (and why she had eye boogers in the morning, the reason this all came up in the first place.) SHE'S the one who came up with dudes buried alive in the yard and shit.

pplains, Tuesday, 17 April 2012 20:11 (seven years ago) link

My friend's 2-year-old got the same haircut as me. When I pointed it out to her, she said, "We both look so cute!" She has a half-inflated football she calls Frogbot.

does Red Stripe work like poppers? (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 17 April 2012 21:21 (seven years ago) link

Ava decided to rename her band last night - "I don't want us to be Mr Cool any more, in case people don't think we're cool, because the name would be silly. We're now Pitchfork Pandemonium. Because I have a guitar shaped like a pitchfork*." (* - it is a plastic pitchfork) Lulu immediately made herself the singer, wearing pants on her head, two pairs of socks on her hands and Mum's cardigan. Creative differences immediately:
A: "We're not doing a song called Barbie Band!"
L (singing): "Barbie is lovely..."
A: "I'm going to guitar practice!"
L: "Then I'm going to singing club!"
They re-emerge...
L: "This song is called Wonderful Daisies."
A: (groans) "Ok then."
A makes neow-neow gtr sounds, while L sings "I am going in a garden / It has a lovely bench / We went on a swing that was shaped like a tyre / The ground was covered in daisies".

It took me until 10:30 last night to get Ava to sleep.

Michael Jones, Thursday, 19 April 2012 15:10 (seven years ago) link

lolz at all of these...

tylerw, Thursday, 19 April 2012 15:31 (seven years ago) link

funny in particular about the guy who lives in the ground because my 2 1/2 year old has started talking about NIGHT GUY. Which sounds pretty creepy (we haven't shown her any It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia). But she says his name in this excited voice, like he's a fun dude. "NIGHT GUYYYYYY!" If you ask her what Night Guy does, she just says "He sleeps."

tylerw, Thursday, 19 April 2012 15:33 (seven years ago) link

I think going to gigs in the US has had a profound effect on our girls. "I want to be a rock star as well as an author now, Daddy," says Ava, "but I worry that with all the soundchecks I won't have time to write my stories."

Michael Jones, Thursday, 19 April 2012 15:36 (seven years ago) link

Ava and Lulu killing it omg.

how did I get here? why am I in the whiskey aisle? this is all so (Laurel), Thursday, 19 April 2012 15:49 (seven years ago) link

I wd like Ava to be my train conductor every day, even if she does seem skeptical about the validity of the bar car argument.

how did I get here? why am I in the whiskey aisle? this is all so (Laurel), Thursday, 19 April 2012 15:52 (seven years ago) link

She told me I would have to stay on the train for FIVE DAYS to get to Kalamazoo, even though Lulu was going to Liverpool and her ride was only two days long--that hardly seems fair. Miraculously, I was ordered off right around the time I ran out of beer.

how did I get here? why am I in the whiskey aisle? this is all so (Laurel), Thursday, 19 April 2012 15:58 (seven years ago) link

I'm going to go through all our photos with them at some point, and make sure they don't forget any of their new Stateside aunts and uncles.

Michael Jones, Thursday, 19 April 2012 16:28 (seven years ago) link

I will bribe their memories with American children's books <--unfair advantage even though they have no idea who I am.

how did I get here? why am I in the whiskey aisle? this is all so (Laurel), Thursday, 19 April 2012 16:30 (seven years ago) link

evie got a pair of my boxers out of the clean (fortunately) laundry, held them up in front of herself, and said "i like my tutu!"

congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 26 April 2012 23:35 (seven years ago) link

One of the tasks I worked on on Mechanical Turk was analyzing transcripts of children's speech. I was this close to emailing the researchers that I worked for and telling them that their tasks were the most adorable ones on the entire site.

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Friday, 27 April 2012 00:15 (seven years ago) link

"I had the weasels!" --my husband at 6-7 years old after a certain now rare childhood illness.

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Friday, 27 April 2012 00:16 (seven years ago) link

After having that illness, I mean.

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Friday, 27 April 2012 00:17 (seven years ago) link

PPs first words: 'Leave me alone"
<3

fine with 49 (sunny successor), Friday, 27 April 2012 01:54 (seven years ago) link

Lol no way.

wolf kabob (ENBB), Friday, 27 April 2012 01:57 (seven years ago) link

a couple of times now evie has described food that she didn't want to eat as "boogers" (one time it was avocado, another time hummus)

congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 3 May 2012 18:17 (seven years ago) link

heard a kid in an NPR piece say, when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, replied: "a soldier, a computer expert, and an. . . exterminator."

quincie, Thursday, 3 May 2012 18:24 (seven years ago) link

pplains's Sandman story is killing me :-D

anatol_merklich, Saturday, 5 May 2012 19:52 (seven years ago) link

"you taste like peanut butter, grasshoppers, and a fireplace"

Roger Barfing (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 7 May 2012 17:32 (seven years ago) link

I think I had that dish at Coi!

schwantz, Monday, 7 May 2012 18:00 (seven years ago) link

Owen: "I want to be a space alien, so I can pick up bad guys in my flying saucer and throw them into the garbage truck!"

Ben: "I want to have a space suit that has computers, and night-vision goggles, and shoots french fries at bad guys!"

schwantz, Wednesday, 16 May 2012 16:15 (seven years ago) link

parents are having a serious conversation after breakfast, I start a sentence "sometimes...", kinda trail off

my nine year old pipes in, straight faced, "you gotta live mas", then grins

that's my boy!

Euler, Wednesday, 16 May 2012 16:18 (seven years ago) link

nice

Henry, on mother's day, in packed restaurant, at the top of his lungs, busts out with some Katy Perry "BABY YOU'RE A FIREWORK!"

fine with 49 (sunny successor), Wednesday, 16 May 2012 20:27 (seven years ago) link

hahahaha <3

wolf kabob (ENBB), Wednesday, 16 May 2012 20:29 (seven years ago) link

my Dad (David) used to tell people on the bus as a toddler that his name was Burset. My Grandma was mortified and never figured out where he got that name from.

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Wednesday, 16 May 2012 20:30 (seven years ago) link

One of my friends went through a phase when he was little where he'd only answer when people addressed him as Hong Kong Phooey. He even has books from that time where it says This Book Belongs To: Joanh Hong Kong Phooey.

wolf kabob (ENBB), Wednesday, 16 May 2012 20:33 (seven years ago) link

haha

estela, Wednesday, 16 May 2012 21:38 (seven years ago) link

*reading 'Pinocchio'*

ME: Do you know what a conscience is? It's supposedly what makes you know the difference between good and bad.

BEEPS: I already know the difference between good and bad.

ME: Well, yeah. But just like you use your hand to pick up your milk there, you use your conscience to know what's right and wrong.

I start reading the book again. She starts punching her own forehead.

ME: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

BEEPS: There. No more conscience. Let's finish the book.

pplains, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 16:21 (seven years ago) link

Little girls are at their best when charmingly amoral, and Beeps is a fairly wonderful example. None of that pesky conscience for me, thanks.

evie's grandpa got her one of those board books with a finger puppet of a bee in it, like this:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UPJ4-0s41Mk/TqJ_Fsf5rVI/AAAAAAAAAfM/h0145klM-5k/s1600/beee9780811852364-crop-325x325.jpg
she pushed the puppet inside out through the back of the book, then pointed at it and said "bee bottom"

congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 16:29 (seven years ago) link

"I've got a case of the hippies"

Roger Barfing (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 18:18 (seven years ago) link

four weeks pass...

While discussing the King of the Hill episode about Dale's gay dad:

Wife: So when you grow up, are you gonna marry a girl or are you gonna join the gay rodeo?
Son: When I grow up I'm gonna be a journalist for ten years, then I'm going to war.

the dave cool channel you are supposed to watch (how's life), Thursday, 28 June 2012 01:44 (seven years ago) link

Woah!

Cussing like a bunch of Bukowskis (sunny successor), Thursday, 28 June 2012 06:27 (seven years ago) link

one month passes...

"daddy, how about this. i've got a new game. it's called dying.... children"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 30 July 2012 10:02 (seven years ago) link

lord almighty

how's life, Monday, 30 July 2012 12:15 (seven years ago) link

he's 3.5 years old...

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 30 July 2012 12:22 (seven years ago) link

haa

Cussing like a bunch of Bukowskis (sunny successor), Monday, 30 July 2012 14:08 (seven years ago) link

Right now Dalton is doing this extremely adorable thing where he's convinced that our dog Maebelle's full name is actually Our Dog Maebelle and so he refers to her as "Our Dog" (dropping her last name).

Me: "What's her name?"
D: "OUR DOG!"
Me: "No silly it's Maebelle."
D: "OUR DOG! OUR DOG! OUR DOG!"

Very cute. Unfortunately he also thinks his name is "You" right now, which is also adorable, but sort of unfortunate too.

Fig On A Plate Cart (Alex in SF), Thursday, 2 August 2012 16:53 (seven years ago) link

Henry won't say his name.

Ask him who his friends are, and he'll list them out for him. Ask him what his name is, and he'll say "Wyatt". (another boy in his class.)

I finally heard him say his name the other night, but he was making reference to one of the other train engines in a Thomas book.

pplains, Thursday, 2 August 2012 17:03 (seven years ago) link

He also calls all cats "Pye", who was our beloved cat.

Pye died this week and last night he pointed at the other cat ("Rocket") and went PYE!

Maybe we should rename the other cat Wyatt.

pplains, Thursday, 2 August 2012 17:05 (seven years ago) link

Pyeatt? :D

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Thursday, 2 August 2012 17:14 (seven years ago) link

[driving through the mountains]
sylvie: [quietly] are we in the mountains?
me: yep.
sylvie [screaming] WE ARE NOT IN THE MOUNTAINS!!!!!!

tylerw, Thursday, 2 August 2012 17:32 (seven years ago) link

Ask him who his friends are, and he'll list them out for him. Ask him what his name is, and he'll say "Wyatt". (another boy in his class.)

omg

This is hilarious. I mostly can't wait to have kids because they're the funniest.

(✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Thursday, 2 August 2012 17:33 (seven years ago) link

x-post - lollllllllll

(✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Thursday, 2 August 2012 17:33 (seven years ago) link

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"OK, Sterling, this is your stuffed frog, this is your stuffed monkey, and this is your stuffed toast."
"Toast!" (pointing at frog)

"No no, that's the frog. This is the toast! Can you point at the toast?"

"Toast!" (pointing at frog)

"No, this is the toast! Here's the frog. Can you say 'frog'?"

[grabs stuffed frog, crawls across room, puts it on top of much larger rocking frog, points at them:] "Toast!"

― Douglas (Douglas), Monday, 12 June 2006 21:45 (6 years ago) Permalink

I still think of the frog/toast mix-up often.

(✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Thursday, 2 August 2012 17:34 (seven years ago) link

we've been reading "hop on pop" a lot recently. last week we were reading it and it was the "HE ME - he got me. JIM HIM - jim got him." page and evie said "jim jim!" and then just started cracking up like she said something hilarious then said "jim jim!" again and cracked up again. every time i tried to start reading again she'd interrupt with "jim jim!" and then laugh. so then i just read the rest of the book as "jim jim, jim jim jim jim jim jim jim jim" to make her laugh.

congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 2 August 2012 17:37 (seven years ago) link

See? That's hilarious and awesome. jim jim! Evie otm.

(✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Thursday, 2 August 2012 17:37 (seven years ago) link

Ohmigod Hop On Pop is Dalton's favorite book. "Hop POP! HOP POP!"

Fig On A Plate Cart (Alex in SF), Thursday, 2 August 2012 17:50 (seven years ago) link

The "We FIGHT at NIGHT" part used to grab Beeps a little.

pplains, Thursday, 2 August 2012 17:51 (seven years ago) link

what the hell are red ned ted and ed all doing in bed together is what i want to know

tylerw, Thursday, 2 August 2012 22:30 (seven years ago) link

Also thinks Mrs Brown ought to be suspicious of what Mr Brown and Mr Black have been up to.

Fig On A Plate Cart (Alex in SF), Thursday, 2 August 2012 22:44 (seven years ago) link

too young to worry about mr. blonde

giallo pudding pops (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 2 August 2012 23:05 (seven years ago) link

i have a theory that the "ted" in "red ned ted and ed in bed" is supposed to be a self-caricature of theodore "ted" geisel aka dr. seuss. it doesn't look like a normal dr. seuss character.

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 3 August 2012 14:47 (seven years ago) link

apparently I STILL smell like peanut butter and grasshoppers.

giallo pudding pops (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 3 August 2012 16:10 (seven years ago) link

"so God is like a robot that flies around in space with nobody inside it?"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Friday, 3 August 2012 20:29 (seven years ago) link

^ after a couple of minutes of earnestly attempting an objective description of God

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Saturday, 4 August 2012 18:57 (seven years ago) link

"so God is like a robot that flies around in space with nobody inside it?"

new board description/life motto imo

catbus otm (gbx), Saturday, 4 August 2012 19:19 (seven years ago) link

Ben, today, on that subject: "I'm God."

schwantz, Sunday, 5 August 2012 00:36 (seven years ago) link

two weeks pass...

bookini

how's life, Saturday, 25 August 2012 19:20 (seven years ago) link

even on safe-search strict, a gis for boo-ini is pretty nsfw.

how's life, Saturday, 25 August 2012 19:56 (seven years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Owen, while watching a full moon come out from behind the fog:
"It's Werewolf time, baby!"

schwantz, Tuesday, 11 September 2012 16:47 (seven years ago) link

"so God is like a robot that flies around in space with nobody inside it?"

otm, kid.

purveyor of generations (in orbit), Tuesday, 11 September 2012 16:50 (seven years ago) link

i want to screen print that on the back of my hunter age 3 t-shirt

catbus otm (gbx), Tuesday, 11 September 2012 16:53 (seven years ago) link

two weeks pass...

"mom your labia smells like goats" (my 3.5 yo)

teeny, Tuesday, 25 September 2012 23:05 (seven years ago) link

omg waht?

(✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Tuesday, 25 September 2012 23:09 (seven years ago) link

"I want to take off your face and see your skeleton face!" = Sylvie's parting shot before bed last night.

tylerw, Wednesday, 26 September 2012 22:28 (seven years ago) link

Awesome and yet slightly scary.

(✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Wednesday, 26 September 2012 23:40 (seven years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Been working on spelling, synonyms lately.

ME: [Points to picture of trash can.] Now, what is that?
BEEPS: Trash.
ME: That's right! Now what else could it be called?
BEEPS: [Thinks hard.]
ME: Gggggaaa… Think about that day of the week when I run around the house bagging stuff up, taking it to the curb. What day is that? Ggggg…..?

[b]BEEPS[/]: Wednesday?

pplains, Tuesday, 16 October 2012 16:08 (seven years ago) link

HAHAHA

(✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 16:08 (seven years ago) link

two weeks pass...

got my first "daddy, help me!" today.

how's life, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 21:57 (seven years ago) link

it's the longest sentence she's put together so far.

how's life, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 22:07 (seven years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Got my first screamed "I NEED A FIRE TRUCK! FIRE TRUCK!" as he went to bed last night. I went in and gave him a fire truck and he was out like a light.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Monday, 19 November 2012 12:53 (seven years ago) link

Little dude got a Thomas the Tank Engine set for his birthday. We set it up, ran the trains, pulled the cars, lost the boulders… we had a good time.

Man took one of this trains to bed with him and slept like a rock holding that thing. One of those OH COME ON cute moments that you think only happens in Hallmark commercials.

pplains, Monday, 19 November 2012 14:46 (seven years ago) link

We bought a Thomas set for a friend's kit & she reported the same "train in bed" development - too cute!

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Monday, 19 November 2012 14:59 (seven years ago) link

Abby saw a boy playing with a football on Saturday morning, and asked for one all day long. "Foo-bah. Foo-bah. Foo-bah." So that night I took her and her brother out to the sporting goods store and bought them each size-appropriate footballs. At about two in the morning, she woke up screaming "Foo-bah! Foooooooo-BAH!" I couldn't find hers, but I managed to find the bigger one that I got for her brother. She snuggled up with it and went back to sleep.

Judah Ben Ghazi (how's life), Monday, 19 November 2012 14:59 (seven years ago) link

Kid obviously, not kit xp

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Monday, 19 November 2012 14:59 (seven years ago) link

My wife and I are genuinely concerned about the amount of crap in my son's crib. It's like he sleeping in a toy box.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Monday, 19 November 2012 15:37 (seven years ago) link

While I was changing a particularly nasty diaper this morning:

"Minnie Mouse butt."

how's life, Friday, 23 November 2012 01:20 (seven years ago) link

as we drove home yesterday, "gangsta's paradise" was on the radio, and as it faded down to just the choir at the very end, evie asked "is this christmas music?"

congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 29 November 2012 15:56 (seven years ago) link

Wait - she's old enough to be asking stuff like that?! Mind blown.

go to party leather (ENBB), Thursday, 29 November 2012 19:29 (seven years ago) link

Wasn't this kid just born?

go to party leather (ENBB), Thursday, 29 November 2012 19:29 (seven years ago) link

Last night, as we were putting her to sleep, Abby kept moaning "Pink binkie...gone! Blue binkie...gone!" which was weird because she had both of those binkies in her possession (alternating between mouth and hand). My best guess is that she's got some anxiety about losing them.

how's life, Thursday, 29 November 2012 19:36 (seven years ago) link

she's 2 years 4 months now

congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 29 November 2012 20:58 (seven years ago) link

Insane. Also, I have no idea what two year old are like but that seems like an impressive thing to recognize - that choral stuff might be Christmas music. Smart girl! :)

go to party leather (ENBB), Thursday, 29 November 2012 21:00 (seven years ago) link

they've been talking about christmas at her day care a lot, so it's on her mind. they probably listened to christmas music there and that's where she picked it up. but she's a little brainiac too.

congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 29 November 2012 21:01 (seven years ago) link

Couple funny ones:

Kathy: Guess what I ordered for you guys today?
Owen: What?!
Kathy: Socks and underwear!
Owen: I'm not interested in that.

Ben: (raises hand)
Kathy: What?
Ben: Guess which kind of excuse me that was?
Kathy: What?
Ben: Guess!
Kathy: I don't know, Ben.
Ben: The fart kind!

schwantz, Thursday, 6 December 2012 17:50 (seven years ago) link

lol

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 6 December 2012 19:38 (seven years ago) link

from my friend:

"W***** delivered the ultimate insult to N***** this morning (N***** was being VERY annoying!) "N*****, YOU ARE A PANDA THAT EATS BAMBOO"
Wow, thats telling her."

just1n3, Friday, 7 December 2012 07:11 (seven years ago) link

from my friend:

"W***** delivered the ultimate insult to N***** this morning (N***** was being VERY annoying!) "N*****, YOU ARE A PANDA THAT EATS BAMBOO"
Wow, thats telling her."

just1n3, Friday, 7 December 2012 07:11 (seven years ago) link

Wow, that's telling her.

pplains, Friday, 7 December 2012 14:43 (seven years ago) link

my friend posted a photo of her 5 year old's letter to Santa (which fking stupid instagram won't let me share so here's my story in words)

He didn't ask for anything, instead posed a question:

"how dO you make raindeer magic fOOd
write here ---> (left space for Santa's answer"

more than anything I just love "raindeer"

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 10 December 2012 23:22 (seven years ago) link

"is that guy from a long time ago?"

"that's copernicus. he figured out that the earth goes around the sun"

"is he dead now?"

"yeah, he died a long time ago"

"poor guy"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 11 December 2012 22:34 (seven years ago) link

Historical: I got in from work, the Queen Mother's funeral procession was on the TV.

Amber (age 4) "It's the queen mother."
Me: "Oh"
Amber ".... She's in that box."

Mark G, Wednesday, 12 December 2012 13:16 (seven years ago) link

Me: how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?
Evie: four!

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 17 December 2012 01:21 (seven years ago) link

irl lols

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 17 December 2012 02:57 (seven years ago) link

also correct

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 17 December 2012 02:58 (seven years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Lulu: "What does 'WTF' mean?"
Ava: "Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I think."

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 2 January 2013 23:32 (seven years ago) link

Ha!

The kids are with my gf, visiting another family. They've been playing house, which apparently to Owen means yelling "Be quiet! Go to sleep!" over and over.

schwantz, Wednesday, 2 January 2013 23:41 (seven years ago) link

haha. Beeps has taken to threatening Henry with a timeout when it suits her.

some girls, they rape so easy (sunny successor), Thursday, 3 January 2013 19:15 (seven years ago) link

my little guy has taken to identifying colors pretty accurately but also using them w/other words at random ("yellow mama", "blue dadda" for example.) recently he started putting colors together with the word "people", which was pretty awkward when the cable guy came over and heard an 18 month old saying the phrase "black people" over and over.

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Thursday, 3 January 2013 20:05 (seven years ago) link

omg

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 3 January 2013 20:16 (seven years ago) link

sylvie, getting frustrated with something: "jesus crust!"
probably need to watch what we say around her more...

tylerw, Thursday, 10 January 2013 20:27 (seven years ago) link

for one you should probably stop saying "jesus crust," i mean that doesn't even mean anything

congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 10 January 2013 20:36 (seven years ago) link

lol yes

tylerw, Thursday, 10 January 2013 20:56 (seven years ago) link

one month passes...

Veronica: What is that statue?
Me: It's some Christian saint.
Veronica: What are Christians?
Me: Christians are people that believe Jesus Christ was a very special person.
Veronica: Who is Jesus?
Me: He lived a long time ago and had ideas about how people should live their lives, be nice to each other, things like that. Christians believe Jesus was magical. For example, they believe he died and came back to life.
Veronica: Like a zombie?

Donkamole Marvin (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 17:17 (six years ago) link

lol excellent

go to party leather (ENBB), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 17:18 (six years ago) link

haha

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 17:28 (six years ago) link

AND WE KILLED HIM okay sorry shakey got a little too into it there for a moment.

pplains, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 17:45 (six years ago) link

proud that my daughter learned about zombies before Jesus tbrr

Donkamole Marvin (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:22 (six years ago) link

I was saying on the other thread how my little girl gets scared of spooky stuff sometimes, but she also plays a bunch of zombie games on my wife's tablets and has a growing collection of Zombies vs. Hunters figures. Sometimes it gets real important that we find “Girl Zombie” at bedtime.

how's life, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 19:02 (six years ago) link

yeah that's what reminded me of this exchange... my daughter is similar, she insists on going up the stairs in the dark and then shrieking cuz she sees a vampire or a werewolf or whatever but it's all giggles and melodrama as far as I can tell. she hasn't come crying to us about nightmares or freaked out about anything (yet). I fear I may be raising a little horror fan haha

Donkamole Marvin (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 19:15 (six years ago) link

Ava: "I'm short because of my genes. I think maybe my genes...are actually shorts."

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 00:10 (six years ago) link

ha!

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 00:11 (six years ago) link

That is brilliant.

I Don't Wanna Be Dissed (By Anyone But You) (WilliamC), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 01:06 (six years ago) link

I want to squish her.

lets just remember to blame the patriarchy for (in orbit), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 01:18 (six years ago) link

In a dignified and respectful manner.

lets just remember to blame the patriarchy for (in orbit), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 01:19 (six years ago) link

Playing Monopoly...

A: "Daddy, don't you think that the man in the middle of the board looks like Theodore Roosevelt, the 26th President?" I nearly spit out my coffee. My Arkansas-born missus looks on, beaming with pride. Later, Ava schools me on Lewis & Clark and Sacagawea. She's not learning this in her Croydon primary school...

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 17:29 (six years ago) link

Ava just blew my mind

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 17:31 (six years ago) link

Beeps gets most of our mentions in this thread. She's the recent author of a children's book called "One Cold, Wet Night." I'll let you know when it's picked up by a publisher.

However, Hbomb had a good one the other day. Eating breakfast as a mid-morning sunbeam made its way across the ceiling, he suddenly stood up and said "GET OUT OF HERE, 'LITTLE HOT'!"

And as testament to his authority, that little hot was gone within ten minutes.

pplains, Thursday, 28 February 2013 17:09 (six years ago) link

That's terrific!

Michael Jones, Thursday, 28 February 2013 21:19 (six years ago) link

So the other day, we were at a Mexican restaurant, watching some Mexican comedy show, and this commercial came on the TV with a bunch of girls in bikinis...

Ben: "Owen, is your penis getting longer? My penis is freaking OUT!"

schwantz, Thursday, 28 February 2013 21:57 (six years ago) link

so I guess they're straight then lol

Donkamole Marvin (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 28 February 2013 21:58 (six years ago) link

omg lol

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 28 February 2013 21:59 (six years ago) link

omg what

go to party leather (ENBB), Thursday, 28 February 2013 22:15 (six years ago) link

Someone please make this thread non-google-searchable in about 10 years, please.

schwantz, Thursday, 28 February 2013 22:20 (six years ago) link

lol

go to party leather (ENBB), Thursday, 28 February 2013 22:23 (six years ago) link

Ben Schwantz, this is your life!

how's life, Thursday, 28 February 2013 22:26 (six years ago) link

My 6-year old: me and magnus and oliver and zac have started a band
Me: oh that's great, what are you called?
Him: the army of the dead

acid in the style of tenpole tudor (NickB), Friday, 1 March 2013 13:29 (six years ago) link

all the fridges falling down
falling down falling down
all the fridges falling down
my fairy lady

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 1 March 2013 15:10 (six years ago) link

Ava and Lulu have a band called Pitchfork Pandemonium. Lulu's lyrics for I Love Bob:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8378/8528610028_37ef485a74_z.jpg

Ava's withering response: "This isn't cool! I don't want to sing songs for six-year-olds!" Tears followed.

Michael Jones, Monday, 4 March 2013 15:37 (six years ago) link

There's a title for Lulu's first album: Songs for Six-Year-Olds.

lets just remember to blame the patriarchy for (in orbit), Monday, 4 March 2013 15:41 (six years ago) link

My daughter K is a year old, and we are speaking both English and Hebrew to her (I speak English, wife speaks Hebrew). K started developing a nasty habit of grabbing and scratching peoples' faces, and we are trying not to do it, so every time she does it to H, H says "Lo!" which is the hebrew word for no.

The other day, H was reading K a book, and when she read the word "Lo!", K reached up and grabbed her face. Apparently she thinks "Lo" is the word for "grab my face."

space phwoar (Hurting 2), Monday, 4 March 2013 15:56 (six years ago) link

haha...woah

She also says "O's" (cheerios), and no matter when you ask her, the answer to "what do you want?" is "O's"

space phwoar (Hurting 2), Monday, 4 March 2013 16:23 (six years ago) link

Henry's answer to 'What do you want for dinner, Henry?' is invariably 'Dinner.'

I thought, 'This is Jeezo. He came in, he activated' (sunny successor), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 18:56 (six years ago) link

hahaha <3 henry

go to party leather (ENBB), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 18:56 (six years ago) link

"What kind of dinner?"

"Yes. Dinner." [seats self at table]

pplains, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 18:58 (six years ago) link

lol

go to party leather (ENBB), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 19:05 (six years ago) link

I love these circular, redundant conversations you can have with them.

Lulu: "Can we have a book about history? We're doing that at school."
Me: "Sure. Let's look at This Is Britain [the M Sasek book]."
Lulu: "Has it got history in it?"
Me: "Yes, there's lot of facts in there. What sort of history have you been doing?"
Lulu: "About the past. The history in the past."
Me: "Right."

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 20:57 (six years ago) link

I may need to start a Grown-ups Say the Stupidest Shit thread:

Beeps and Dr. Seuss (and Ned Raggett) share a birthday together.

BEEPS: I wonder if Dr. Seuss got to eat all his cake on Saturday.

ME: Well, honey, Dr. Seuss ain't around anymore.

BEEPS: *gasp* He died?

ME: Yeah, uh, he died a long time ago. It's okay, he was a very, very old man, even older than Poppi.

BEEPS: But he's dead? Just like Binx? [our recently deceased pet cat]

ME: Yes, like Binx, but listen. Think about this: Everytime we read one of his stories, it's almost like he's still alive with us.

BEEPS: *gasps* You mean like – holds her arms out like a scarecrow, zombie style.

ME: No, I mean his spirit is here in the room with - um, uh, where's that book.

pplains, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 21:18 (six years ago) link

*slow clap* way to go, dad.

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 21:20 (six years ago) link

Dr. Seuss needs BRAINS

Donkamole Marvin (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 22:09 (six years ago) link

hahaha...oh god

and lulu. so much love for that kiddo

I thought, 'This is Jeezo. He came in, he activated' (sunny successor), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 23:11 (six years ago) link

You did your best, pp.

I worked on the donor database for a nonprofit foundation and one day while doing cleanup, I came across the name Theodor Geisel and it slowly dawned on me "Oh my god, this is Dr. Seuss! He used to give money to my company." But then my eyes drifted to the little checkbox where his donor record was marked "deceased" and I got mildly bummed out about it.

Related that anecdote to my wife and 4-year-old a few years later because I'm a dumbass and got a completely horrified response.

how's life, Thursday, 7 March 2013 01:45 (six years ago) link

my 21 month old has started saying "pleasant dreams!" in a demonic guttural voice.

christmas candy bar (al leong), Thursday, 7 March 2013 22:29 (six years ago) link

son and his friend are playing Call of Duty: Black Ops II

Me: One of these days, I'm going to hook up my Nintendo Entertainment System and make you guys play Contra.
Son: What? What? What is that?
Son's Friend: That was ... that was one of the first games for the MTV.

how's life, Thursday, 7 March 2013 23:05 (six years ago) link

not a kid thing but i kinda love the fact that the dartmouth medical school was recently renamed the theodore geisel school of medicine

well if it isn't old 11 cameras simon (gbx), Friday, 8 March 2013 01:29 (six years ago) link

UCSD's Geisel Library:

http://libraries.ucsd.edu/_images/Main/geisel-building-1.jpg

how's life, Friday, 8 March 2013 10:23 (six years ago) link

my 21 month old has started saying "pleasant dreams!" in a demonic guttural voice.

Our Alice used to say "What the ..." a lot, eventually we sat her down and told her Yes it's funny but you can't really say that anymore..

Mark G, Friday, 8 March 2013 10:36 (six years ago) link

Hah! For some reason, Joey went through a phase of saying "What the man?" Maybe one of us parents was saying something like "What the...? MAN!" He eventually just started cussing. I'm sort of bummed out, because Abby's reached a really communicative age and I don't think there's any way - between me, her mom, and her brother - that's she's not going to start cussing way early.

how's life, Friday, 8 March 2013 10:40 (six years ago) link

Disappointed that library doesn't have a jagged bannisterless staircase winding its way to the top.

pplains, Friday, 8 March 2013 14:43 (six years ago) link

Medical section renamed solla sollew

Bet there are a lot of zelf's in there.

(Zelves?)

pplains, Friday, 8 March 2013 14:49 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

picked up from a teacher at day care: when someone does something evie doesn't like, she says "YOU'RE NOT MAKING GOOD CHOICES"

congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 27 March 2013 17:00 (six years ago) link

hahaha

i've a cozy little flat in what is known as old man hat (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 27 March 2013 17:07 (six years ago) link

i've starting saying it to which leads to arguments like
me: "evie, you're not making good choices right now"
evie, tears streaming down face: "i AM! i AM making good choices!"

congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 27 March 2013 17:09 (six years ago) link

201x-version of "don't be an idiot."

schwantz, Wednesday, 27 March 2013 17:12 (six years ago) link

evie, tears streaming down face: "i AM! i AM making good choices!"

aw.

how's life, Wednesday, 27 March 2013 17:17 (six years ago) link

I told Beeps she need to tell her teacher that she was banging on the front doors of her school when it was closed for MLK Day, and her reply was "I don't think that would be a good choice to make."

pplains, Wednesday, 27 March 2013 19:11 (six years ago) link

Awesome.

schwantz, Wednesday, 27 March 2013 23:36 (six years ago) link

so rad!

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 27 March 2013 23:55 (six years ago) link

How funny, my friend's daughter went through a phase of saying," How sad, how sad, you make bad choices."

Love the drawings!!!!!!!

*tera, Thursday, 28 March 2013 01:29 (six years ago) link

Part of a wall poster Ava made for school on Un Lun Dun (by China Mieville):

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8377/8596702834_a9a34c6623_z.jpg

I'm really glad she chose to write about that and not Captain Underpants.

Michael Jones, Thursday, 28 March 2013 09:19 (six years ago) link

This morning:

Me: "K, do you know what daddy is drinking? Daddy is drinking coffee. Coffee. Coff-ee. What is daddy drinking?"
K: (fake coughs)

i've a cozy little flat in what is known as old man hat (Hurting 2), Saturday, 30 March 2013 02:45 (six years ago) link

hahah

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 30 March 2013 02:46 (six years ago) link

excellent!

ljubljana, Saturday, 30 March 2013 03:15 (six years ago) link

Un Lon Don is a fun book! I think of it whenever I see sad umbrellas to this day. Go Ava.

lets just remember to blame the patriarchy for (in orbit), Saturday, 30 March 2013 05:08 (six years ago) link

Er, Dun. Whatever. British ppl.

lets just remember to blame the patriarchy for (in orbit), Saturday, 30 March 2013 05:08 (six years ago) link

Last Thursday Henry was sent home from daycare for pooping 3x and was not allowed back until Monday. So we got to spend two days together which was pretty awesome. Anyway, Comcast had their watchathon week going on so I thought Id see what all the fuss was about 'Girls'. Henry was making robots on the iPad when he came over to the couch and asked what I was doing. I told him I was watching a show. He stopped for a moment and watched a non-dialogue scene of 'Jessa' walking down the street. Watching the scene Henry is suddenly surprised and excited. He points at Jessa

Henry: 'Hey! It's Mama. MAMA! THAT'S YOU!!!'

Me: (knowing full well I don't resemble this ridiculously beautiful woman in any way, shape or form) 'You think that's Mama? Are you sure?'

Henry: (bouncing up and down now) "Yes! Yes! Its you, Mama!"

Me: *fake gasp* 'Oh my goodness, Henry! You're right! That is me! Wow. I'm so cute on TV!"

Henry: "Yes! Mama on TV."

Satisfied with my apparent acceptance of this fact, he laid a huge grin on me then ran off to complete his robot assembly

I thought, 'This is Jeezo. He came in, he activated' (sunny successor), Wednesday, 3 April 2013 18:16 (six years ago) link

i love that

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 3 April 2013 18:16 (six years ago) link

at 3 a.m., cried out in her sleep demanding "high-fives"

how's life, Monday, 8 April 2013 09:25 (six years ago) link

Henry was calling seahorses "cowboy fish." That mistake alone makes me think he's a smart cookie.

pplains, Monday, 8 April 2013 13:57 (six years ago) link

i put on a baseball cap i never wear on saturday and evie said i looked like a "nice old man." later she ate a really big granola bar and said she was so full that she was going to have a baby.

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 8 April 2013 14:23 (six years ago) link

bought an anita o'day record

http://www.parisjazzcorner.com/en/pochs_g/094787.jpg

little guy flipped it over to the back, went "a-n-i-t-a-o-d-a-y spells...(back to the front) girl yawning!"

christmas candy bar (al leong), Tuesday, 9 April 2013 05:00 (six years ago) link

<3

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 9 April 2013 05:11 (six years ago) link

aww

also

"Henry was calling seahorses "cowboy fish." That mistake alone makes me think he's a smart cookie.

― pplains, Monday, April 8, 2013 9:57 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink"

!!!!!

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, 9 April 2013 11:01 (six years ago) link

little guy flipped it over to the back, went "a-n-i-t-a-o-d-a-y spells...(back to the front) girl yawning!"

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Tuesday, April 9, 2013 1:00 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

concise record reviews

--808 542137 (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 9 April 2013 14:04 (six years ago) link

Just now:
Me: Henry, I'm hungry. Will you make me something?
Henry: Uh-huh
Me: You will?? What will you make?
Henry: McDonalds

(from a bottle you dicks) (sunny successor), Saturday, 13 April 2013 17:02 (six years ago) link

guess how much I love u lol

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 13 April 2013 17:18 (six years ago) link

Ava: "If I write a book does it have to be a new idea?"
Us: "Yes, it's good to be original."
Ava: "Good. Because I have an original idea. My book will be called The Unstoppable Super Spider-Man."
Us: "Hmmm. I think the creators of Spider-Man might not be pleased with that."
Ava: "No, it's the Unstoppable Super-Spider Man. There's a hyphen in it. It is different."

(There then followed a discussion about a spin-off called Unstoppable Ninja Super-Spider Man and Ava's dismay that someone had "stolen my idea before I had a chance to think of it" for a female detective called Shirley Holmes.)

Michael Jones, Monday, 15 April 2013 09:58 (six years ago) link

It could be ok..

http://images.45cat.com/ian-dury-and-the-blockheads-suepermans-big-sister-1980-4.jpg

Mark G, Monday, 15 April 2013 10:34 (six years ago) link

K has learned to say "Wow" and does it in this great, exaggerated way, like "wwwwooOOOOW!"

Saturday we took her to the central park zoo. We showed her the monkeys -- no interest. Penguins - no interest. Sea Lions -- no noticeable interest. She sees a girl playing with bubbles -- "wwwwooOOOOW!"

--808 542137 (Hurting 2), Monday, 15 April 2013 14:25 (six years ago) link

one month passes...

in the bathtub:

Me: look, it's time for you to wash your hair! How many times do I have to ask you!
Veronica: Okay, but daddy, here's the thing... *points her butt at me and farts*

her first successful comedy routine

i made that exact same joke the other night when my sister told me to do the dishes

well if it isn't old 11 cameras simon (gbx), Monday, 20 May 2013 17:45 (six years ago) link

lol

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 20 May 2013 18:03 (six years ago) link

she likes to fart and she is crazy

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 20 May 2013 18:04 (six years ago) link

evie was playing in her room by herself and chanting "obama obama. obama obama." over and over the other day

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 20 May 2013 18:07 (six years ago) link

lol @Veronica!

schwantz, Monday, 20 May 2013 19:26 (six years ago) link

And, at least in my kids' school in San Francisco, there is a level of Obama worshiping going on that is borderline creepy.

schwantz, Monday, 20 May 2013 19:27 (six years ago) link

well we live in chicago so

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 20 May 2013 20:13 (six years ago) link

i feel like were raising a generation of late night hosts

educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Monday, 20 May 2013 20:27 (six years ago) link

Whenever I pass by the Obama pix in my kids' daycare, I think, "How would I feel if these were George Bush Jr. posters?"

Then I remember that Beeps was in daycare for at least 20 months of Bush and I never saw any, so I'm cool.

pplains, Tuesday, 21 May 2013 01:03 (six years ago) link

Beeps and I (and possibly her mother) have been going through this back-and-forth about watching Wizard of Oz.

I'm of the opinion that, shit, it's pretty scary for a 39-year-old, much less a 6-year-old. I've been a bit guarded about letting her watching any flying monkeys.

She finally brags to me the other day that she got to watch a little about it at pre-school and that she is very much aware of the main characters: The girl, the dog, the lion, the elf and the zombie.

.
.
.
Hell, maybe she is ready to watch the damn movie.

pplains, Tuesday, 21 May 2013 01:16 (six years ago) link

^^^ i had no idea this was going on. A) I'm surprised she would watch anything non-animated (or "real life" as she calls it)and B) I have never seen the movie because I know its got at least two of my most hated things: monkeys and singing. If the zombie eats the monkey brains then maybe i could get into it.

educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 14:02 (six years ago) link

ELF = Tin Man, because of his hat.

ZOMBIE = Scarecrow

pplains, Tuesday, 21 May 2013 14:05 (six years ago) link

haa

educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 14:18 (six years ago) link

He IS searching for a brain! Smart kid.

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 15:23 (six years ago) link

fwiw Veronica watched the Wizard of Oz when she was 4 1/2 and everybody warned her ahead of time about the "scary monkeys" and then she watched it and didn't really give a shit about any of it.

four Marxes plus four Obamas plus four Bin Ladens (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 15:25 (six years ago) link

my terror of windstorms is 100% becuase of the perfect-storm convergence of me watching Wizard of Oz repeatedly from a v early age + the Cyclone Tracy mini series they aired on TV when I was 10.

I still can't handle the sound of a strong wind, and all this tornado footage freaks me right out. Fascinates me, but scares the bejabbers out of me.

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 18:44 (six years ago) link

lol @ scarecrow/zombie

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 18:46 (six years ago) link

Lulu has noticed something about movies. "In every film, there is...a problem."

Michael Jones, Tuesday, 21 May 2013 22:29 (six years ago) link

someone get that kid a lit degree

four Marxes plus four Obamas plus four Bin Ladens (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 00:00 (six years ago) link

"Problematic"

schwantz, Wednesday, 22 May 2013 01:01 (six years ago) link

Me and H riding the elevator up to the B's floor.

ME: So you have spaghetti for lunch today?

H: Uh-huh!

ME: I didn't even know that –

H: [sings] Uh-OH, Spa-ghetti ... Etti ... ETTI.

________________________

There's no way I would have posted that anywhere but here.

pplains, Wednesday, 29 May 2013 16:53 (six years ago) link

him:
"do you want donuts for breakfast, or chocolate?"

me:
"we don't eat chocolate for breakfast!"

him:
"i'm just giving you options."

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 6 June 2013 13:35 (six years ago) link

haha every weekend morning around 9am for the past 12 months or so Beatrice and I have engaged in this exchange:

Beats: 'Mama, what can I have for breakfast dessert?'
Me: 'Beatrice, there is no such thing as breakfast dessert'
Beats: 'Oh yes there is!'
Me: 'You had Fruit Loops for breakfast!'
Beats: 'So what can I have for breakfast dessert?'

educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Thursday, 6 June 2013 14:14 (six years ago) link

are you curtailing your account right before *breaks down crying because there is no breakfast dessert* or is that just in my house?

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 6 June 2013 14:47 (six years ago) link

evie is going through a thing of calling stuff she likes "cute" or even "soo soooo cute." but yesterday she was in a bad mood and she didn't want me to watch tv and she said "this baseball game is NOT very CUTE."

also yesterday we took her on the train to go to the park and she said "daddy, look, a nail" and held up someone's clipped finger/toenail

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 10 June 2013 14:39 (six years ago) link

Lol I know adults who call things "not cute," I've been enjoying that expression lately! Evie's on a good path.

Lulu clearly has a bright future ahead of her.

lets just remember to blame the patriarchy for (in orbit), Monday, 10 June 2013 14:42 (six years ago) link

it's funny watching my daughter learn to try to lie, she's just so bad at it. have to remind myself to pretend to believe her, that way she'll never get better at it.

Bathory Tub Blues (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 10 June 2013 16:28 (six years ago) link

We developed a "trick" of saying "thank you" while taking something out of K's hand. K, now 15 months, learns quickly, and has started to say "thank you" while attempting to grab something from one of us.

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 June 2013 16:39 (six years ago) link

"there is no such thing as breakfast dessert" is a great sentence

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 June 2013 16:40 (six years ago) link

Abby [with a large toy stuck around her arms and torso]: Holy CRAP? Holy CRAP?
Me [freeing her]: Did you just say "holy crap"?
Abby: yeah.
Me: Don't say that dear, that's not a nice thing to say.
Abby: Oh my GOD? Oh my GOD? Oh my GOD? Oh my GOD?

how's life, Friday, 21 June 2013 23:02 (six years ago) link

She's back to saying "holy crap", quietly under her breath now, and playing with a figure of Human Torch.

how's life, Friday, 21 June 2013 23:04 (six years ago) link

Hahaha love it!

educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Saturday, 22 June 2013 03:31 (six years ago) link

A week or so ago our 3 y/o, Henry, burst into prayer before we had lunch with a surprising degree of enthusiasm. The prayer was in no way imparted from me or PP.

educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Monday, 24 June 2013 14:50 (six years ago) link

Where do you think he got it?

how's life, Monday, 24 June 2013 14:58 (six years ago) link

My primary suspect is his daycare as it is associated with a Methodist church.

educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Monday, 24 June 2013 15:02 (six years ago) link

Same 3 y/o mocked me for the first time ever last night. He was super hungry before bed but I insisted it was "Too late for Hot dogs!". Not longer after I took him upstairs to put him to bed he spent a good two minutes bouncing on his bed and saying in the most mocking tone ever while imitating my voice. "ooooooo its too late for hot dogs! No hot dogs now. Its just tooo late!" etc etc. Our kids are such smartasses.

educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Monday, 24 June 2013 15:11 (six years ago) link

Nice!

how's life, Monday, 24 June 2013 15:26 (six years ago) link

When I sing Wheels on the Bus to K now, each verse she will call out the thing that is on the bus. Things that ride our bus include:

Chair
Bottle
Water
Cheese
Red (the color)
Hole

It's very difficult to figure out what some of these things *do* on a bus, especially when put on the spot

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Monday, 24 June 2013 15:35 (six years ago) link

lool

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 24 June 2013 16:02 (six years ago) link

can you get away with, like 'the cheese on the bus goes cheese cheese cheese?' or would you get side-eye

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 24 June 2013 16:03 (six years ago) link

'Red" !!

educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Monday, 24 June 2013 16:16 (six years ago) link

Yeah, she'll accept pretty much any action from these inanimate objects, concepts, etc.

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Monday, 24 June 2013 16:17 (six years ago) link

"the red on the bus whispers 'kill kill kill'"

educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Monday, 24 June 2013 16:27 (six years ago) link

hahah

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 24 June 2013 16:31 (six years ago) link

Many of these things also shake an egg in the "Shake Your Egg" song, as well as "egg" himself, and any person we have ever met.

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Monday, 24 June 2013 16:34 (six years ago) link

We were in a rush this morning so I told Evie we were going to break the world record for the fastest bath. After I bathed her and took her out, she wandered around looking confused and asked me "where's the smashed record?" She thought I meant a vinyl record.

congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 25 June 2013 15:12 (six years ago) link

hahaha aw

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 25 June 2013 15:14 (six years ago) link

BUT YOU SAID

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 25 June 2013 15:28 (six years ago) link

That reminds me of Ramona Quimby and sit here for the present.

tokyo rosemary, Tuesday, 25 June 2013 15:53 (six years ago) link

White and yellow were on the bus this morning. Actually, it was the hebrew word for yellow, "Tsahov". "Tsahov on the bus?" I asked..."Yellow" she clarified.

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 25 June 2013 16:25 (six years ago) link

I thought 'Sit here for the present' was from Cider With Rosie by Laurie Lee. That was 1959, but the some of the Ramona Quimby books were published around then too, so don't know who had the idea first.

ljubljana, Tuesday, 25 June 2013 17:57 (six years ago) link

K: Mama, utatte dame! ("Mama, don't sing!")
P: Koyu-chan! That's not nice. Mama is a good singer, she can sing. Are you the boss?
K: Bass?
P: Boss. Is Koyuki the boss?
K: Noooooooo.
P: Is Papa the boss?
K: Mama bass.
P: Right. Mama is the boss.
K: Mama bass. School bus, school bus.

Plasmon, Saturday, 29 June 2013 00:40 (six years ago) link

haha cute

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 29 June 2013 17:41 (six years ago) link

"sometimes when mom's in a bad mood, you just have to walk away"

4 years old, people

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 4 July 2013 20:13 (six years ago) link

Kids are kids, they're like the stupid guys we see on chatroulettes (www.bazoocam.org)

RRRRR, Thursday, 4 July 2013 23:17 (six years ago) link

so true

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 5 July 2013 04:00 (six years ago) link

This morning K heard H say "hey sexy" to me when I walked into the room and started enthusiastically shouting "SEXY! SEXY!" -- kinda lol, kinda disturbing

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Monday, 8 July 2013 15:12 (six years ago) link

"sometimes when mom's in a bad mood, you just have to walk away"

4 years old, people

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, July 4, 2013 4:13 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

AMAZING

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Monday, 8 July 2013 17:44 (six years ago) link

i posted this on fb so sorry if you already saw it but evie's new thing is when she's really angry she yells COCK A DOODLE DOO

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 8 July 2013 17:50 (six years ago) link

Oh man, that's precious.

how's life, Monday, 8 July 2013 19:37 (six years ago) link

My wife apparently was singing "On Top Of Spaghetti" to my son in the car and he starting apparently moaning at the end "my poor poor meatball, my poor meatball". To add injury to the whole thing a short time later our dog actually did eat his meatball (which to be fair to her, he put on the floor) which caused a complete breakdown and him to throw himself on the ground kicking and screaming and cursing her.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 12:33 (six years ago) link

Not sure why I wrote apparently twice as though I do not believe this story hah.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 12:51 (six years ago) link

Toddler: Bat-man cock!
Me: !
Me: ...
Me: oh, Bat-man CLOCK. CL-OCK.
Toddler: Cock.
Me: Clock. Batman clock.
Toddler: Cock, cock, cock.

how's life, Tuesday, 16 July 2013 23:06 (six years ago) link

ha, yeah

that reminds me of

"Do you hear that? Mommy is vaccuming. Vaccum. Mommy is vaccuuming"

"Mommy fuckyou"

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 16 July 2013 23:14 (six years ago) link

"sometimes when mom's in a bad mood, you just have to walk away"

Preach it, kiddo.

Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Tuesday, 16 July 2013 23:17 (six years ago) link

xp for a while my son was seemingly convinced that fox was a plural so he kept talking about needing to get his "fock". Also kept referring to a bear as an "abutt" which with the "fock" resulted in a couple of exchanges I would have found mildly embarrassing had they occurred in public.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 17 July 2013 12:24 (six years ago) link

Those cursed tiny letters.

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 12:38 (six years ago) link

<3

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 17 July 2013 13:44 (six years ago) link

Aw. Does she need glasses, maybe?

schwantz, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 15:07 (six years ago) link

I think she means long words. Her sis needs glasses, but not for reading. Lulu is suddenly quite conscious of the fact that she can't really plough through a young-adult fiction book like Ava can, that she's still reading things that are intended for her age. Nothing wrong with that.

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 15:24 (six years ago) link

As a kid, I always made the distinction between books with big words (like most books aimed for anyone nine and younger) and the ones with the tiny words (usually without even pictures!)

pplains, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 15:37 (six years ago) link

Yeah, that's it! No pictures! At least those Roald Dahls have got Quentin Blake.

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 15:40 (six years ago) link

I had a children's book with no pictures, and I *so* wanted to be able to read it, so instead I got a pen and I tried to copy how it was written and practice in the margins

I still have the book, and the writing is just lots of wavy lines :)

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 17 July 2013 15:44 (six years ago) link

VG that's precious! :)

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Wednesday, 17 July 2013 15:51 (six years ago) link

I actually went back to reading more age-appropriate stuff with Ben and Owen. Ben can READ at a very high level, but his comprehension is more in-line with his age, so I think he's actually much happier just reading stuff at a lower level.

schwantz, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 15:58 (six years ago) link

I got into a surreal conversation with Beeps this weekend about Mexico vs New Mexico. She couldn't understand that the state wasn't part of the country. I told her that the state was more or less named after the country. But why is it "new" then, if it's not really Mexico?

It is somewhat presumptuous, like naming your dog New Fido even though Fido is still alive and in the backyard.

pplains, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 16:02 (six years ago) link

oh when we were in montreal a couple of weeks ago we had so many confusing discussions about canada, montreal, illinois, chicago, the united states, etc. we had to constantly talk about where we were but she could never quite get it right. also she called the airbnb apt we were staying in our "country" like "after lunch we go back to our country?"

congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 17 July 2013 16:09 (six years ago) link

Ben can READ at a very high level, but his comprehension is more in-line with his age

Yeah, I do wonder about this with Ava. She's basically taken ownership of my Kindle and we're putting Dickens novels on there, but I wonder how much she's really getting. She goes much slower with than with Rowling or even Snicket, which is sort of encouraging.

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 16:29 (six years ago) link

I was an early reader, and I think my long-term reading got kind of screwed up by the fact that my parents and others kept pushing "classics" in front of me that I didn't really have the life experience or maturity to understand, even though I could decode every word. Advanced reading became this kind of trick I could do. I think it's good to encourage kids to mostly read what they like when they're young -- the motivation that comes from their enjoyment will develop their comprehension and reading habits at a good, natural pace.

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 17 July 2013 17:02 (six years ago) link

Same goes for music. Beeps won't stop listening to "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)", but I'm letting her take it easy before springing "Ana Ng" on her.

pplains, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 17:08 (six years ago) link

My son hated reading and didn't really have much interest in being read to either. In the last year or so, he really started taking an interest in comic books and we're just like "here, have all the trade paperbacks you can read, kid."

how's life, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 17:14 (six years ago) link

i posted this on ilx somewhere else but there's a series called "toon books" that is kids books by comic book/graphic novel people that is really good, evie's loved pretty much all the ones we've checked out but "stinky" in particular: http://www.toon-books.com/

congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 17 July 2013 17:21 (six years ago) link

Those look rad. Ordered a couple for my kids!

schwantz, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 20:13 (six years ago) link

my sister got evie a guatemalan worry doll for her birthday, basically a small yarn doll that you keep under your pillow and tell your worries to. thanks to this, we have learned that evie is worried that:
1. we will try again to make her do the princess puzzle we got her for her birthday, which is too hard; and
2. that santa claus will come and steal the christmas lights she has hanging up in her room. we assume this fear is derived from 'the grinch who stole christmas'

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 26 July 2013 14:44 (six years ago) link

tbf i will probably try to make her do the princess puzzle again

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 26 July 2013 14:47 (six years ago) link

lol

schwantz, Friday, 26 July 2013 15:22 (six years ago) link

Ava and Lulu scandalised their Scouse cousins (not really cousins, just similarly-aged daughters of my Liverpool friends, with whom we stay when we visit my mother) by telling them they didn't believe in God. "But you HAVE to!" said Catholic-schooled Abi. "Some gods are real," said Ava, by way of compromise. "Like Zeus and Demeter." You can tell what she's been reading.

Michael Jones, Friday, 26 July 2013 15:44 (six years ago) link

Hammer got scared of the Toy Story video game Beeps was playing - there's this one stage where you run around this haunted mansion that's very much like the one at Disneylandworld, lots of weird blue lighting and Paul Freesesque ranting.

Worst part was that he has these Toy Story glow-in-the-dark decals on his wall which he used to ooh and aah over. But now, after that haunted house level, the glow-in-the-dark material makes them look very much like that spooky haunted mansion.

pplains, Friday, 26 July 2013 17:09 (six years ago) link

Ben (while listening to "Parents Just Don't Understand"):

"Daddy understands."

schwantz, Thursday, 1 August 2013 16:43 (six years ago) link

<3

HOOS next aka won't get steened again (Hurting 2), Thursday, 1 August 2013 16:44 (six years ago) link

that's one way to get the car keys.

pplains, Thursday, 1 August 2013 16:49 (six years ago) link

"Would a lunatic drive a Porsche like this?"

schwantz, Thursday, 1 August 2013 17:30 (six years ago) link

:*D what a cutie!

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Thursday, 1 August 2013 22:54 (six years ago) link

e: you don't touch your butt because then your finger is stinky
me: that's right, that's why you don't touch your butt. or anyone else's butt.
e: (giggles) daddy, you said "butt"

congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 13 August 2013 00:04 (six years ago) link

http://media.heavy.com/media/2012/09/beavis-and-butthead-laugh.gif

schwantz, Tuesday, 13 August 2013 00:12 (six years ago) link

huh huh butt

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 13 August 2013 01:39 (six years ago) link

on the subject of butts:

Beatrice: (shaking her booty at me) Do you think this is BEAUTIFUL?!?!
Me: Totally beautiful. You might not want to do that in public though.
Beatrice: Why not?
Me: People just don't do that sort of thing in public.
Beatrice: Oooooooh....because the bugs will see!

"Max's Original Starship" Vol. 3 (sunny successor), Tuesday, 13 August 2013 15:25 (six years ago) link

That's jawdroppingly cute.

brotha george lynch hung (how's life), Tuesday, 13 August 2013 15:27 (six years ago) link

Yes, that's right. It's because the bugs.

Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Tuesday, 13 August 2013 15:28 (six years ago) link

because the bugs

<3

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 13 August 2013 15:53 (six years ago) link

Today we drove to Storm King Arts Center, only to see a chain over the gate

Me: "Argh, is it closed? Shit!"
K: (gleefully) "Fuck! Fuck!"

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 20 August 2013 02:35 (six years ago) link

she's 18 months btw

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 20 August 2013 02:48 (six years ago) link

In the waiting room at Gipsy Hill at the weekend; there's a bookshelf of old paperbacks there which commuters can borrow from/add to. On the bottom shelf there was Erica Jong's Fanny. The girls found this hugely amusing. "Where did you learn *that* word?"

Later, and unrelated, when I was insisting we left the park: Ava - "You seem intent on spoiling all my fun!"

Michael Jones, Tuesday, 20 August 2013 08:07 (six years ago) link

Haha. Fun spoiler! It should probably be noted for the Americans ilxors that in the commonwealth 'fanny' does not mean butt.

Xpost to hurting -baby's first word <3

"Max's Original Starship" Vol. 3 (sunny successor), Tuesday, 20 August 2013 11:24 (six years ago) link

Oh yes, of course. As Lulu pointed out, patting her jeans, "it means front bottom!" If that's the only slang term she knows for it for the next few years, I should be happy.

Michael Jones, Tuesday, 20 August 2013 11:42 (six years ago) link

Haha. Fun spoiler! It should probably be noted for the Americans ilxors that in the commonwealth 'fanny' does not mean butt.

Of course not. It means that compartment you keep on the front of you to store your keys and credit cards while on vacation.

pplains, Tuesday, 20 August 2013 13:39 (six years ago) link

american tourist couture

"Max's Original Starship" Vol. 3 (sunny successor), Tuesday, 20 August 2013 17:05 (six years ago) link

confession: i still think 'front bottom' in my fanny related thoughts

"Max's Original Starship" Vol. 3 (sunny successor), Tuesday, 20 August 2013 17:06 (six years ago) link

My 9 year old got a postcard in the mail from the school with the name of his 4th grade teacher on it. My 2 year old got ahold of it and was playing with it (mostly as a blanket for her dinosaurs). At one point though, she held it up and pretended to read it: "Dear Joey, you are going to school."

I Sunni, I guess it's not terribly funny on its own, but its a little crazy to me that she understand the form and structure of a letter enough that she can make one up by herself.

how's life, Tuesday, 27 August 2013 10:38 (six years ago) link

Sunni should be "dunno"

how's life, Tuesday, 27 August 2013 10:39 (six years ago) link

i love that

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 18:27 (six years ago) link

I Sunni, I guess it's not terribly funny on its own, but its a little crazy to me that she understand the form and structure of a letter enough that she can make one up by herself.

― how's life, Tuesday, August 27, 2013 6:38 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'd say that's pretty damned clever of her

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 18:34 (six years ago) link

Sort of relatedly, we always play a game with K where we ask her "What does the sheep say?" "What does the pig say?" and she makes the sounds. So K recently started to sort of pick up on this and now asks me "What does the...hat?" "What does the...strawberry?" "What does the...ice cream?"

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 18:36 (six years ago) link

Ha! That's cute.

how's life, Tuesday, 27 August 2013 21:14 (six years ago) link

Rrrai*! I'm a triceratops from the coconut**!

*she pronounces ending r's as a long "i". Car=Cai, Park = Pike, etc.
**Dinosaurs are often pictorially depicted with palm trees.

how's life, Saturday, 31 August 2013 23:54 (six years ago) link

Beeps & Ham playing a video game together:

BEEPS: Just Follow ME. I won't let you get hurt. Do you want to fall? Do You WANT to Fall?

HAM: No.

BEEPS: Then you're going to have to FOLLOW ME. IF you go around that other way near the cliff, you're going to with that you had –

HAM: Oops, I fell. Let's try again!

pplains, Tuesday, 3 September 2013 00:32 (six years ago) link

~learning~

well if it isn't old 11 cameras simon (gbx), Tuesday, 3 September 2013 00:49 (six years ago) link

K learned to say "What color is this?" -- it's one of only a couple of full sentences she can say in English, and she loves saying it, like she literally says it over and over again about everything from the moment she wakes up in her crib, as in *opens eyes* *holds up blanket* "What color is this?"

But now she asks me things like "What color is Mommy?" and "What color is water?"

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 September 2013 19:49 (six years ago) link

Beeps told me about a nightmare she had that scared the shit out of me.

She and her brother were at their grampa's house, one of those multi-story A-frames that looks over the river. However, the abandoned office at our house was over there.

There's a box with a button on it, and when they'd push it, as she said, "little night toys" would come out. They would move around and soon, would turn into gray monsters.

They get scared and in the dream, I step in and start shouting at them "GET OUT! RUN!" Or maybe the sequence in the dream was that I start shouting and then they get scared.

But Mama comes in and touches the monsters and says it's ok. So I say it's ok. But Beeps recounts that she never touched them, so she doesn't know what they felt like, besides she had been freaked out enough as it is.

(I asked her what "little night toys" looked like, and she said they were like "the men on the chessboards people play with." Ohhhh, those kind of knights... and even more fucked up.)

pplains, Friday, 13 September 2013 20:51 (six years ago) link

i recounted the nightmare on the sleep training thread but it a skeletal version because i didnt get that much detail from beeps. mom saves the day yet again.

"Max's Original Starship" Vol. 3 (sunny successor), Friday, 13 September 2013 21:02 (six years ago) link

whoa i got kinda scared just reading about it

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 13 September 2013 21:21 (six years ago) link

K put a mesh laundry bag over her head and announced "Face pajama! Go to sleep."

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Sunday, 15 September 2013 12:19 (six years ago) link

She also keeps repeating the weirdest stuff from baby einstein videos, e.g. "Las Abejas" (spanish for "bees") and "Polar regions" (which comes out like 'Pola mmmjns') and "wombat" (which comes out "ombak")

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 September 2013 19:53 (six years ago) link

Dalton noticing my arm hair: you have fur?
Me: I have arm hair. When you get older you will too.
D: when I am a daddy?
Me: yes.
D: when I am a daddy you will be Dalton and I will be Alex and mommy will be Jen.
Me: uh not quite.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Monday, 16 September 2013 20:36 (six years ago) link

hahaha

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 September 2013 20:39 (six years ago) link

Woman wheeling crying 2-ish year old in a car through Target...

Woman leans over to kid and says in a pleading voice: You are being so loud!
Kid, wailing at the top of her lungs: I KNOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

I felt bad for both of them but couldn't help but LOL.

carl agatha, Monday, 16 September 2013 20:42 (six years ago) link

<3

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 16 September 2013 23:27 (six years ago) link

At daycare, Henry's class has been reading jack and the beanstalk. For the past two nights he has been yelling over and over "Be! Bi! Bo! Bum! I smell BLAH BLAH BLAH!"

"Max's Original Starship" Vol. 3 (sunny successor), Wednesday, 18 September 2013 01:50 (six years ago) link

loool

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 18 September 2013 02:07 (six years ago) link

we were having a conversation the other day about how her mom's name was different before we got married, and how some people change their name when they get married but other people don't, and evie said "mommy, when you get married again, can you change your name to 'mommy'?"

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 20 September 2013 14:36 (six years ago) link

hahahaha

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 20 September 2013 15:09 (six years ago) link

When K's babysitter, Noni, came this morning, K said "Maybe Noni...is in...basket"

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 20 September 2013 15:09 (six years ago) link

Evie's first response to the music of Kate Bush: "Is she a kid?"

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 4 October 2013 15:09 (six years ago) link

Last night K exclaimed "Ha Yalda Pasta!" (basically "the pasta girl" or "the girl who is pasta") and laughed hysterically. This made me laugh, which only made her laugh more and continue to exclaim "HaYalda Pasta!" again and again.

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 11 October 2013 03:49 (six years ago) link

D: "MOMMY read me a book."
Mom: "Mommy is getting ready to go. Daddy can read you a book!"
D: "NOOOOOOO."
Me: "Maebelle (our dog) can you read a book then."
D: "Nooo she doesn't have HANDS!" *displays hands to demonstrate the dog's lack*
Maebelle: *looks hurt*

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Friday, 11 October 2013 13:31 (six years ago) link

Aidan, 6 concocted his own pudding out of of Jelly that I'd made, with frozen fruit on top and around the plate it was on. Then he got me to pretend to bring it to him as if we were on Masterchef:

A eats a spoonful
A: The taste is good, nice and clean
A takes another spoonful and examines the glass, scraping the jelly around
A: The colour is good
A takes another mouthful
A: I think it would have worked better if you'd put some of the fruit inside the jelly though
A takes another spoonful and looks at the glass
A: Nice presentation, it does look good. Pretty good dish, I like that. but.......you're through to the next round, congratulations.

I think he must have been watching tv with his Mama at the end of the summer holidays as he's not been watching masterchef at home!

vickyp, Friday, 11 October 2013 14:59 (six years ago) link

Pretty good dish, I like that. but.......you're through to the next round, congratulations.

Haw!

how's life, Friday, 11 October 2013 15:06 (six years ago) link

Love the fake-out!

schwantz, Friday, 11 October 2013 18:02 (six years ago) link

Owen at dinner, thoughtfully:

"Have I had enough sugar today? Hmmmm. I don't think I have."

Kathy: "What about the yogurt in your lunch, and the bar."

Owen: "Those don't have any sugar. Ok, the bar does. 9 grams."

schwantz, Friday, 11 October 2013 18:05 (six years ago) link

aiden is 6??? wow. 6 and awesome.

schwantz, bee assesses her sugar mintake too but more in a 'i havent had something sweet all day' while acting like her body is withering and dying.

No more kisses (sunny successor), Friday, 11 October 2013 19:17 (six years ago) link

omg vickyp that exchange is killing me

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 12 October 2013 02:21 (six years ago) link

Evie's first response to the music of Kate Bush: "Is she a kid?"

― Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, October 4, 2013 11:09 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

dying

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Saturday, 12 October 2013 02:23 (six years ago) link

Ben: "I wish I wasn't Jewish so they won't cut off my penis like a little jerk."

schwantz, Sunday, 13 October 2013 00:25 (six years ago) link

loool

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Monday, 14 October 2013 16:00 (six years ago) link

this morning I was driving k and to keep her happy while stuck in traffic I was pointing stuff out.

Me: "Look at that. That's a cement truck."
K: "Samantha!"

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Monday, 14 October 2013 16:01 (six years ago) link

Bedtime ritual.

D: Mommy thank you for that kiss.
D: Mama that kiss was super duper special.
D: Mama you're welcome for that kiss too.
D: Mommy that song is super duper special.
D: Mama can you put my blanket back on. Thanks.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Friday, 18 October 2013 04:03 (six years ago) link

Aw.

how's life, Friday, 18 October 2013 08:31 (six years ago) link

Lulu decided to sell her own newspapers, price one old penny. She had the layout pretty down but the articles were just scribbled in.

Me: "What's the headline here?"
Lulu: "This paper is from 1666. Just before the Great Fire. It says 'Fire Coming Tomorrow'."
(When I told Ava this she fell down laughing).
Later...
Me: "Ah, what's this one?"
Lulu: "It says there's plan to demolish Gatwick Airport and put a disco in its place."
Me: "Wow, that's radical. So this is a modern one, then?"
Lulu: "No, still 1666."
Me: "I think people from then might struggle to understand terms like 'airport' and 'disco', Lulu."
Lulu: "Yeah! They'd just say 'place with big birds' and 'floor with lights'."

Then we spent a while pretending to be 17th-century people terrified by a floor which lights up.

Michael Jones, Friday, 18 October 2013 09:35 (six years ago) link

I want very much to subscribe to that newsletter

stet, Friday, 18 October 2013 09:48 (six years ago) link

Esp. since it predicts the future.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Friday, 18 October 2013 11:52 (six years ago) link

irl lols @ 'fire coming tomorrow'

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 18 October 2013 15:41 (six years ago) link

floor with lights!

well if it isn't old 11 cameras simon (gbx), Saturday, 19 October 2013 17:36 (six years ago) link

Well in to our "What was in space before there was space? Who was here before God was here? How do we know what happened before Earth was made?" phase with Beeps.

pplains, Tuesday, 22 October 2013 15:25 (six years ago) link

Now I know why Evangelicals are what they are. It sure would be easy just to say "Everything is 6000 years old. We know because it says this in the Bible. The End."

pplains, Tuesday, 22 October 2013 15:27 (six years ago) link

Evie's been into using big words without knowing what they mean lately. I was trying to get her socks on her yesterday and she kept screaming "Noooo they're too gorgeous. THEY'RE TOO GORGEOUS!" She also said something was "too community" the other day.

Immediate Follower (NA), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 15:33 (six years ago) link

:D

steames artpop (how's life), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 15:36 (six years ago) link

K now likes to raise her arms and go up on her toes and say "Yoga! Yoga!"

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 15:37 (six years ago) link

Not actual speech, but endless lovely laughter from Ella yesterday as she watched our dog play with a balloon. Not sure why this cracked her up so much, but she was in hysterics.

ornamental cabbage (James Morrison), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 22:39 (six years ago) link

D (trying to avoid bedtime): "What is a rainbow?"
Me (ushering him to bed): "It's light refracted through water."
D (thoughtfully): "Oh yeah that's a good idea."

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 23 October 2013 03:09 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

"Daddy, can you turn on the warm conditioning?"

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 8 November 2013 00:18 (six years ago) link

It took me awhile to understand that my Australian mother-in-law also meant heating when she referred to "air-conditioning". I guess having heat blow out of the vents does change the condition of the air, but still.

EA's just thinking beyond us all, is what I'm saying.

pplains, Friday, 8 November 2013 01:08 (six years ago) link

Entire convo w Lulu is magic.

Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Friday, 8 November 2013 01:16 (six years ago) link

Henry was sick most of last week. High fevers that required Tylenol. The fevers stopped by Saturday but occasionally, over the weekend, he would ask for medicine which he was refused. On Tuesday night he was mad at me because it was close to bedtime and he wanted none of it.

Me: 'Henry, we need to head upstairs to bed.'
Henry: 'NO!'
Me: 'Yes. You've got 5 minutes then we need to go up after that, okay?'
Henry: 'No! You're not my friend, Mama!!'
Me: 'Okay but we're still going up to bed'

Suddenly he jumps up on the couch next to me and grabs my face with both hands. He pulls my face right up to his and says in a low, menacing growl:

Henry: 'Give me medicine, Mama. I...AM...VERY...SICK'

I guess we know who to watch out for on the substance abuse front.

'No! You're not my friend, Mama!!'

Ugh we get this like every day right now. Also "You're not invited to my party!"

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 8 November 2013 16:14 (six years ago) link

The arguments over possession are ridiculous. Fortunately, Beeps is growing out of it, but still. They get into fights in the car over who owns "yellow."

pplains, Friday, 8 November 2013 19:08 (six years ago) link

The color. That's not some nickname for a stuffed animal or anything.

pplains, Friday, 8 November 2013 19:08 (six years ago) link

That would be Henry's. Beeps owns the sun.

pplains, Friday, 8 November 2013 19:14 (six years ago) link

Also "You're not invited to my party!"

― Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, November 8, 2013 11:14 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

OH!! This would kill me.

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Friday, 8 November 2013 19:16 (six years ago) link

But maybe not after hearing that and you're not my friend for the 200th time. Then I'd be like yeah yeah I got enough friends kiddo get yr tush in that bed.

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Friday, 8 November 2013 19:17 (six years ago) link

I actually said to him the other night, "I know I'm not your friend. I'M YOUR DADDY."

That shut him up for once, albeit for five minutes.

pplains, Friday, 8 November 2013 19:19 (six years ago) link

AW! That's a good answer though.

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Friday, 8 November 2013 19:22 (six years ago) link

Maybe. I wasn't going to be ready for whatever the next question was going to be.

pplains, Friday, 8 November 2013 19:23 (six years ago) link

That would be Henry's. Beeps owns the sun.

At some point it was really really important to my sister that she owned Lake Michigan.

Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Friday, 8 November 2013 19:37 (six years ago) link

that book needs a crying indian looking on from the side

i wish i had a skateboard i could skate away on (Hurting 2), Friday, 8 November 2013 20:45 (six years ago) link

Well if you think that the king succeeds at being horrific that's a definition of "tough" that's as valid as any surely

I know ppl who'd never go near a macabre story about children dying, for reasons that needn't be explained, yet would have no problem enjoying the obvious pleasures of a great book that happens to have an unusual ("difficult") style or structure

That would be Henry's. Beeps owns the sun.

Prince Luna and Princess Celestial over here

woah did you see that hummingbird over there? anyway, meth (sunny successor), Saturday, 9 November 2013 17:13 (six years ago) link

Dalton combing non-USB end of iPhone charging through the dog.

Me: What the hell are you doing?

Dalton: I'm just taking her protein.

Me: Why?

Dalton: I need it.

Dalton keeps doing it.

Dalton: Now I am shaving her Daddy.

Me: Okay.

Dog: wtf

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Saturday, 9 November 2013 19:11 (six years ago) link

I'm just taking her protein!

LOL

carl agatha, Saturday, 9 November 2013 19:39 (six years ago) link

lol

gbx, Saturday, 9 November 2013 19:44 (six years ago) link

bwahaha

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 9 November 2013 20:30 (six years ago) link

bathtime discussion last night

S: Daddy, does everything die?
Me: Ummmm
S: [farts loudly / laughs uproariously]

tylerw, Friday, 15 November 2013 18:13 (six years ago) link

ME: hey, little man. How are you?
HB: I'm Henry!

•••

ME: So, what should we have for dinner tonight?
HB: Not me!

pplains, Friday, 15 November 2013 18:18 (six years ago) link

K likes me to tell her that different baby animals are going to sleep when she's in her crib falling asleep. Lately she started suggesting her own -- "Baby tiger. Baby raccoon. Baby tree. Baby light. Baby schnitzel. Baby snowflake" etc.

i wish i had a skateboard i could skate away on (Hurting 2), Friday, 15 November 2013 18:20 (six years ago) link

lol baby schnitzel

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 15 November 2013 19:28 (six years ago) link

not saying so much as drawing but:

in Feb my brother is getting married at the national gallery gardens in melb

recently my 6 yo nephew went on a class excursion to the gallery, to see a Monet exhibition. he came home with a postcard, saying this was his favorite painting
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r1a-7OVQHV4/TWb41Xv5P0I/AAAAAAAAEbM/1jkbplItMWo/s1600/cakeify-hurray.gif

at some point his mum, my sister, told him "Uncle Adam & Caitlin are getting married there"

he went off to his room & drew a picture of my brother & his fiancee in their wedding gear standing on monet's bridge. he thought my sister meant they were getting married on the bridge

<3 <3 <3

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 17 November 2013 19:07 (six years ago) link

<3 cupcake was a nice touch

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Sunday, 17 November 2013 19:48 (six years ago) link

:D

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 17 November 2013 19:56 (six years ago) link

I know the person who drew that cupcake!

Madchen, Sunday, 17 November 2013 21:21 (six years ago) link

!

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 17 November 2013 21:22 (six years ago) link

Here is her website, for all your cupcake merch needs: http://www.askingfortrouble.org

Madchen, Sunday, 17 November 2013 21:24 (six years ago) link

Yesterday Owen (a budding atheist): "If [his friend in school] Marissa says that god made himself, then I would say 'how did he make himself?' and Marissa's mind would be blown."

schwantz, Monday, 18 November 2013 03:20 (six years ago) link

Yesterday on the Subway
K (21 months): "Mozart!"
Me: Um... I don't have Mozart. We can't listen to Mozart right now.
K: "Mahler!"

i wish i had a skateboard i could skate away on (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 19 November 2013 18:28 (six years ago) link

already indoctrinated in the academy of the overrated eh

Ayn Rand Akbar (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 19 November 2013 22:48 (six years ago) link

D (coming out of bedroom for one of his nightly DAD THIS CAN'T WAIT ANOTHER MINUTE JAUNTS): Daddy! Daddy! I have to tell you something.

Me (pauses movie): What is it?

D (with gravitas): Dad I need you to put my pants on.

Me: Dalton you're already wearing pants.

D (amazed): I am wearing pants....

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 27 November 2013 03:36 (six years ago) link

lol

peace on earth and mercy mild (how's life), Wednesday, 27 November 2013 09:37 (six years ago) link

Today two toddlers at my school's daycare waved and yelled at me to get my attention, then said "hi Ariel!!!" to me! Made my day.

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Friday, 6 December 2013 01:52 (six years ago) link

!! that is so great

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 6 December 2013 02:48 (six years ago) link

Evie laying in bed, supposed to be going to sleep, she's been quiet for a while, then:
E: Daddy, from now on I'm going to be good.
Me: Oh Evie, you are good, most of the time. You're a good girl. And I love you and Mommy loves you.
E: yeah. And I like boogers.

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 6 December 2013 04:27 (six years ago) link

huge lol.

how's life, Friday, 6 December 2013 11:59 (six years ago) link

hahaha bedtime conversation is always most hilarious. It's like they take this brief moment of not bouncing off walls to reflect deeply.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Friday, 6 December 2013 13:18 (six years ago) link

The comic timing of it was so perfect that I started cracking up. So then of course instead of going to sleep, she kept saying things about boogers in funny voices to try and make me laugh.

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 6 December 2013 15:32 (six years ago) link

Hahahaha <3 love that kid.

carl agatha, Friday, 6 December 2013 23:43 (six years ago) link

"Maybe..."
(pause, small sigh)
"I was going to say something boring."

Immediate Follower (NA), Monday, 9 December 2013 17:30 (six years ago) link

Never stops my kids!

schwantz, Monday, 9 December 2013 18:21 (six years ago) link

I taught my daughter this:

Me: Where does daddy go during the day?
K: Office.
Me: Why does he go there?
K: Make money.
Me: And why do we need money?
K: Buy food.

signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 17 December 2013 17:30 (six years ago) link

Beeps has been motoring through all of the Charlie Brown holiday specials this weekend. During a quiet hour, I gave her some of my old Peanuts to read. She wrapped herself in a blanket and was actually quiet for a little bit.

Asked her tonight what she thought, and she said she loved them! "I had no idea Snoopy could talk!"

Never thought about it, but I guess it would be surprising to go from squeaky laughing beagle to dark and stormy watchdog with one eye peeled on the cat next door.

pplains, Monday, 23 December 2013 05:48 (six years ago) link

I'm giving my wife a hug and Dalton runs up and hugs her legs.

Me: Look it's a Mommy sandwich!

Dalton (super-excited): I want to be PEANUT BUTTER!

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Saturday, 28 December 2013 15:21 (six years ago) link

(during a diaper change)

A: I'm naked now!
H_L: yep. just for a minute though.
A: What's on my cskhskhskhskhsh-wotch*?
H_L: What?
A (insistent): What's on my cskhskhskhskhsh-wotch?
H_L: Oh, uh, not much. A diaper, now.
A: cskhskhskhskhh-wazy!

*"crotch", but with the "c" sound drawn out to approximate hocking a loogie as well as an "r"/"w" inversion.

how's life, Friday, 3 January 2014 22:29 (six years ago) link

Also, has a large collection of mythical animal toys, including some with multiple heads: hydra, several two-headed dragons, a three-headed dragon. These are referred to as, e.g. "three head of dragon", "five head of snake".

how's life, Friday, 3 January 2014 22:31 (six years ago) link

SCENE: DRIVING TO GRANDPARENTS ON CHRISTMAS EVE – 

BEEPS: [SINGING] Feliz Navidad! FeLIZ NaviDAD!

ME: You know that's "Merry Christmas" in Spanish, right?

BEEPS: I know.

ME: Yeah, "Navidad" - like "Nativity". (NOTE: I have no idea if this is really the etymology, made sense at the time.)

BEEPS: So then "Feliz" would be the name of Jesus' mother, I got it.

[END SCENE]

pplains, Friday, 3 January 2014 23:12 (six years ago) link

omg that is fantastic

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 4 January 2014 00:06 (six years ago) link

PRINCE: (singing on the radio) So if I'm gonna die I'm gonna listen to my body tonight
VERONICA: Prince needs to pee! Is he gonna go to the bathroom?

Ayn Rand Akbar (Shakey Mo Collier), Saturday, 4 January 2014 17:24 (six years ago) link

(Beeps lays a round hair-tie halfway on top of another hair-tie band.)

BEEPS: hey, look. It's one of those things you see.
ME: what, the Olympic Rings? You're gonna need three more.
BEEPS: no, what are they called... Venn diagrams, that's it.
ME: oh.

I

pplains, Thursday, 16 January 2014 02:47 (six years ago) link

lol duh dad

signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Thursday, 16 January 2014 02:48 (six years ago) link

<3 it's one of those things you see

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 January 2014 03:08 (six years ago) link

Ha!

carl agatha, Thursday, 16 January 2014 04:11 (six years ago) link

In hindsight, she may have said the present-tense form of "read." Who knows, i'm old, deaf and stupid.

pplains, Thursday, 16 January 2014 05:55 (six years ago) link

On Saturday, when there no music playing on the stereo, Lulu walked over and fiddled with the volume on the amp. "What are you doing?" "I thought there was music on, but it was just in my head." "Er...right. What was it?" "The Lucksmiths."

The previous night, I was being Robot Bedroom Assistant (it's an old favourite) and engaged Human Mode in order to tuck Lulu in, but she was terrified by my android smiley face and said I looked like the button-eyed Dad in Coraline. Ava and I tried to calm her down ("it's all I can think of! I will have bad dreams!") by encouraging her to think about things she loves. "Like bunnies and puppies," said Ava. "That's too much to remember!" said Lulu.

In the bath last night: "I have to soap away this lump on my leg. It's not normal." It was her ankle.

How peculiar she is.

Michael Jones, Thursday, 16 January 2014 09:53 (six years ago) link

K: What color is fan?
Me: The fan is white.
K: What color is raccoon?
Me: The raccoon is grey?
K:What color is music?
Me: Well, that's a beautiful question.
K: Question!
Me: Yes, question.
K: What color is question?

signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Thursday, 16 January 2014 15:17 (six years ago) link

Lulu <3 <3 <3

Orson Wellies (in orbit), Thursday, 16 January 2014 15:43 (six years ago) link

Those are hilarious. Number 19 slays me.

schwantz, Thursday, 16 January 2014 19:59 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

K had exactly one comment on tonight's Super Bowl: "What's man doing?"

Burt Stuntin (Hurting 2), Monday, 3 February 2014 04:38 (six years ago) link

https://scontent-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/t1/1496978_828372643854904_1061682754_n.jpg

"I drew a butt. A dirty old butt!"

bilbo bobbins (how's life), Monday, 3 February 2014 13:23 (six years ago) link

It's... beautiful.

schwantz, Monday, 3 February 2014 16:35 (six years ago) link

hahaha

mean-spirited schadenfreude-loving spewer of sleaze (sunny successor), Monday, 3 February 2014 19:53 (six years ago) link

she's been running back and forth between the couch (where I'm stationed) and an imaginary soda fountain, bringing me refreshing glasses of "beans" and "flow mix".

how's life, Friday, 7 February 2014 22:24 (six years ago) link

aw. K cooked me "beef stew" this morning, which was made from "eggs and goat cheese and tomato"

Burt Stuntin (Hurting 2), Friday, 7 February 2014 22:30 (six years ago) link

"Jesu have a booger"

Burt Stuntin (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 18 February 2014 19:36 (six years ago) link

Friend brought her daughter to visit me tonight at my candy store job. Kid later asked Mum why I "live in a candy store"! <3

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Thursday, 20 February 2014 02:00 (five years ago) link

because that's where the candy is. duh

How dare you tarnish the reputation of Turturro's yodel (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 20 February 2014 20:07 (five years ago) link

K: "What seahorse says?"
Me: "Ummm, seahorse doesn't say anything, he's quiet."
K: "What seahorse eats?"
Me: "Uhhhh......plankton. Seahorse eats...plankton."
K: "What plankton says?"
etc.

Burt Stuntin (Hurting 2), Thursday, 20 February 2014 20:14 (five years ago) link

cute.

how's life, Thursday, 20 February 2014 20:51 (five years ago) link

A [on a scale]: I am three,two!
Me [stepping on the scale]: OK, now can you read daddy's numbers?
A: ALL of them?

how's life, Saturday, 22 February 2014 14:59 (five years ago) link

Love it when they get words wrong. A was running around all last week exclaiming "twow-dy mama!" about 10 times a day. Neither wife nor I could figure it out. Eventually we figured out that it came from part of wife's potty training praise "I'm so proud of you!" which she was hearing as "I'm so troudy you".

set the trolls for the heart of the sun (how's life), Sunday, 2 March 2014 13:02 (five years ago) link

Yesterday Veronica told me she didn't believe in God. "He's just a guy in a story!"

This kid's going places.

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Monday, 3 March 2014 20:52 (five years ago) link

For real.

Isn't this the kid who draws pictures of JJ Fad?

carl agatha, Monday, 3 March 2014 21:04 (five years ago) link

apparently some other kid at school who she's gotten into arguments with in the past has now decided to be nice to her. when I asked why, Veronica said the other girl told her it was because she "believes in God". At which point Veronica dropped her atheist science on me. My interpretation here was that Veronica's former nemesis equates believing in God with good behavior. I asked Veronica what she meant by God, which prompted the "just a guy in a story" answer. I was not really inclined to disagree with her in this context, but I did go into a lengthy explanation of how different people and cultures have different ideas about what the word "God" means, and that as Jews we have a different understanding and conception of God that's different from Xtians or Muslims or the Ramayana or whatever. And that a lot of times people use the idea of God to answer questions they don't know the answers to (like, why is their gravity, where did the universe come from, why is there intelligent life etc.)

Then she made me tell her the entire story of Passover lol

Isn't this the kid who draws pictures of JJ Fad?

lol yes. she only likes "girl rap music" (this after complaining about me rapping along to Biz Markie/Heavy D song)

Oh man she just gets better and better!

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Monday, 3 March 2014 21:55 (five years ago) link

she has also endeared herself to the local video store dudes. she saw a Spinal Tap movie poster on the wall (this one and asked "is that The Sweet"?

i love her

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 4 March 2014 02:00 (five years ago) link

otm

Charles, hatless (sic), Tuesday, 4 March 2014 12:47 (five years ago) link

Beeps just asked for a fax machine for Christmas.

"You know, one of those things where you type your message on the buttons and a piece of paper comes out with it on it?"

pplains, Sunday, 9 March 2014 20:58 (five years ago) link

i think that's a typewriter! but a fax machine would be a cool christmas present, too

sent from my butt (harbl), Monday, 10 March 2014 01:05 (five years ago) link

or did she say fax machine, i'm confused now

sent from my butt (harbl), Monday, 10 March 2014 01:06 (five years ago) link

She said fax machine! Though maybe she means a word processor?

pplains, Monday, 10 March 2014 05:23 (five years ago) link

Lulu: "Why do you have that ladder?"
Me: "I've decided I'm going to live in the attic. See you in about ten years."
Lulu: "Wait. You'll need some things." (Gathers together flour, kitchen roll, pasta, my phone, a book, Jaffa Cakes)
Ava: "What are you doing?"
Lulu: "Getting things for Daddy. He's going to live in the attic for ten years."
Ava: "Don't give him the Jaffa Cakes. Maybe just one."

Michael Jones, Monday, 10 March 2014 09:38 (five years ago) link

lol

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 10 March 2014 16:16 (five years ago) link

http://www.wgbh.org/imageassets/beethoven_ludwig_250x269.jpg

K: Who's that?
Me: That's Beethoven.
K: The man is cranky.

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Friday, 14 March 2014 18:50 (five years ago) link

k otm

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 14 March 2014 21:05 (five years ago) link

K did a sort of monologue in front of the mirror today in hebrew, and I got it on video and was able to roughly translate most of it:

"I know what. Monkey in the zoo. I know what. Car in the zoo. Ah, I know what, chicken in the zoo. Ah I know what, cartilage in the zoo....On vacation, we saw, what else? Ah, I know. Cartilage in the zoo....On vacation we saw, I know what, cartilage in the zoo. I know what, potty in the zoo. Maybe, I know what, ears in the zoo. Maybe, I know what, I know what, I know what, I know. I know what. Bellybutton in the zoo. I know what! (?) in the zoo. [not sure about the next few words]. Who else is in the zoo? Ah, I know, bird in the zoo. I know what. I know what. Maybe, I know what, woman in the zoo....[?]....Ah, I know what, woman in the zoo. (picks up phone) Hey, what's up? Everything's good Shlomo..."

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Monday, 17 March 2014 02:47 (five years ago) link

this kid kills me. i really hope she's inherited your wife's weird sleeptalking skills, too, bc i'm looking to reading about those.

just1n3, Monday, 17 March 2014 03:32 (five years ago) link

where did she pick up cartilage from??

just1n3, Monday, 17 March 2014 03:32 (five years ago) link

She really loves eating chicken drumsticks with the bone, and we tell her not to eat the cartilage part.

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Monday, 17 March 2014 04:25 (five years ago) link

Hahaha the end is my favorite.

carl agatha, Monday, 17 March 2014 11:04 (five years ago) link

The other day when I came home:

K: No! Daddy to go!
Me: Why?
K: Daddy to go home!
Me: This is home, I live here.
K: Daddy to go to office and buy money.
Me: You want me to go to the office?
K: And buy money. Money. Money.
Me: Why?
K: Money! I want money this weekend!

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Monday, 17 March 2014 14:04 (five years ago) link

she has a point

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 17 March 2014 18:11 (five years ago) link

K: daddy, here is a beautiful picture of you and me from the dance we went to! *presents cute picture of us dressed up, in popsicle frame, and 2 daisies*
Me: that's so nice! thanks for sharing, and the flowers!
K: when you die, i'm going to put it by your coffin, i love it!
Me: ok, i hope that's a long time from now.
K: oh, yeah, i hope you live to 123 years old.
Me: that's a long time...
K: yeah but with the picture, i'll remember you.

a nation filled with lead (Hunt3r), Thursday, 20 March 2014 02:49 (five years ago) link

Hahahahaha

ljubljana, Thursday, 20 March 2014 11:49 (five years ago) link

K and money pt 2:

K: (seeing me taking my wallet out) Want money!
Me: Uh...ok! (I run to get a crumpled dollar I remember is on the dresser) Here you go sweetie!
K: NO! (slaps down dollar). Want Aba wallet!

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Monday, 24 March 2014 03:03 (five years ago) link

atta girl

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 24 March 2014 03:09 (five years ago) link

The last time I gave her my wallet she not only took out all the cash, but took out all of the cards and put them inside various books or behind various parts of the bookshelf. Putting it all back together was quite a scavenger hunt and I realized I didn't have my metrocard the next day when I got to the subway.

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Monday, 24 March 2014 03:15 (five years ago) link

:/ but kinda lol

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 24 March 2014 03:37 (five years ago) link

yeah for sure

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Monday, 24 March 2014 03:39 (five years ago) link

A: I just ate cat food.
Me: You just ate cat food?
A: It was good!
Me: Honey, you can't eat cat food! Cat food is for cats!
A: It is food for cat and man.

how's life, Friday, 4 April 2014 08:24 (five years ago) link

wet or dry?

get up in this twerk cypher (sunny successor), Friday, 4 April 2014 18:58 (five years ago) link

I cant remember a specific exchange but Beeps has learned to pick up on sarcasm and calls pp and I out on it. It does not impress her in the least.

get up in this twerk cypher (sunny successor), Friday, 4 April 2014 19:00 (five years ago) link

Wet!

how's life, Friday, 4 April 2014 19:01 (five years ago) link

I had to stop her from going back for seconds.

how's life, Friday, 4 April 2014 19:01 (five years ago) link

I used to eat the cats dry food. I can even remember how it tasted (not bad).

xp oh gross! Also lol at man and cat.

carl agatha, Friday, 4 April 2014 19:02 (five years ago) link

She's going to grow up to be her generation's Jackson Galaxy.

carl agatha, Friday, 4 April 2014 19:02 (five years ago) link

"Food for cat and man" is a great tagline for a pet food.

ביטקוין‎ (Hurting 2), Friday, 4 April 2014 19:14 (five years ago) link

there should be a food they make that both cats and humans can enjoy and have it be acceptable. with a commercial that says food for cat and man, of course.

flatizza (harbl), Friday, 4 April 2014 23:00 (five years ago) link

lol

how's life, Friday, 4 April 2014 23:01 (five years ago) link

When my brother was 3 we found him sitting in front of the tv with the cat's bowl of dried cat food, eating it like it was popcorn

D:

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 5 April 2014 01:43 (five years ago) link

two weeks pass...

sitting in the car after leaving a restaurant where you pay at the counter, my youngest, who didn't see us pay, asks, "so Mom, are you gonna pay, or are we gonna make a run for it?"

Euler, Monday, 21 April 2014 14:02 (five years ago) link

lol

how's life, Monday, 21 April 2014 14:13 (five years ago) link

Hahaha

carl agatha, Monday, 21 April 2014 14:15 (five years ago) link

On a sorta follow-up from the cat food shenanigans upthread, this weekend she asked me why the cat was licking himself and I was like "oh that's how cats and dogs clean themselves. They don't take showers, etc." A little later, she was playing with our dogs and I wasn't paying too much attention to what all was going on but she walked up to me and said "Look! My tongue is clean now!" so presumably she was frenching the maltese.

how's life, Monday, 21 April 2014 14:58 (five years ago) link

drenching the maltese...where?

Euler, Monday, 21 April 2014 15:04 (five years ago) link

er frenching

Euler, Monday, 21 April 2014 15:04 (five years ago) link

I dunno. In the living room probably?

how's life, Monday, 21 April 2014 15:05 (five years ago) link

heh. nah I mean, on what part of the dog was she going at it? b/c I know where dogs USUALLY lick

Euler, Monday, 21 April 2014 15:06 (five years ago) link

oh, I think the dog was licking HER tongue.

how's life, Monday, 21 April 2014 15:06 (five years ago) link

ok good

Euler, Monday, 21 April 2014 15:07 (five years ago) link

I mean, as good as can be I guess.

how's life, Monday, 21 April 2014 15:18 (five years ago) link

I dunno. In the living room probably?

― how's life, Monday, April 21, 2014 3:05 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

IRL LOL

carl agatha, Monday, 21 April 2014 15:29 (five years ago) link

A couple of weeks ago, when asked why there was a small puddle of what looked like pee right next to the toilet, my 5 year old son, who only recently started peeing standing up, answered: "I dropped my penis"

silverfish, Monday, 21 April 2014 20:49 (five years ago) link

looool

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 April 2014 01:13 (five years ago) link

two weeks pass...

ME: Good job with dinner. Here's a couple of cookies, Cookie Monster.

H: Thank you, BEER MONSTER!

pplains, Tuesday, 6 May 2014 16:11 (five years ago) link

Last night I was sitting in the hallway while Evie was falling asleep in her sleeping bag. She was softly murmur-singing to herself and then stopped and said "Daddy, is that kind of like rap?" I said "kind of?" Then she sang a little bit of "Let It Go" and asked "Is that kind of like rap?" so then I had to interrupt bedtime long enough for a very brief explanation and demonstration of rap.

Immediate Follower (NA), Tuesday, 6 May 2014 16:15 (five years ago) link

so did you do all of Rapper's Delight or what

stadow shevens (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 6 May 2014 16:30 (five years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSdcYvFONJ8

pplains, Tuesday, 6 May 2014 16:43 (five years ago) link

Sometimes...ants crawl up my butt.

(Confessed to a new friend while they were both poking at an anthill)

how's life, Tuesday, 6 May 2014 16:52 (five years ago) link

ME: Good job with dinner. Here's a couple of cookies, Cookie Monster.

H: Thank you, BEER MONSTER!

― pplains, Tuesday, May 6, 2014 12:11 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I almost just choked on some nuts.

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Wednesday, 7 May 2014 15:53 (five years ago) link

wait

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Wednesday, 7 May 2014 15:53 (five years ago) link

ALMONDS JUST TO CLARIFY

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Wednesday, 7 May 2014 15:53 (five years ago) link

sry for gross, but extreme lols at the image of that happening while posting

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 7 May 2014 16:07 (five years ago) link

also lols at pplains kid, that is wit

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 7 May 2014 16:08 (five years ago) link

Seriously tho - BEER MONSTER is the best thing I've heard in a long time. Henry is awesome.

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Wednesday, 7 May 2014 16:24 (five years ago) link

yeah i love that

gbx, Wednesday, 7 May 2014 16:33 (five years ago) link

"nuts in the conference room"....ilxor: NOOOOOOO! etc.

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 7 May 2014 17:44 (five years ago) link

Owen: How old do you think I am?
Sean (his guitar teacher): Um... 6?
Owen: I'm seven and a half! NEVER under-guess a little kid's age!

schwantz, Thursday, 15 May 2014 04:13 (five years ago) link

in my experience as someone that used to teach little kids: that is some real f---king talk

gbx, Thursday, 15 May 2014 04:26 (five years ago) link

hearing a 5yo talk about the cognitive faculties of a 4yo is like listening to an UWS pensioner talk about poor people in like brooklyn or w/e, pure unchecked disdain, the view down their lil noses is long and the ppl at the end very pathetic indeed

imagine the indignity of being mistaken for someone six months younger than yourself, esp after you have demonstrated mastery of zippers, it's unbearable

gbx, Thursday, 15 May 2014 04:31 (five years ago) link

lol
otm

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 15 May 2014 04:35 (five years ago) link

lol

how's life, Thursday, 15 May 2014 10:11 (five years ago) link

GBX OTM

get up in this twerk cypher (sunny successor), Thursday, 15 May 2014 19:06 (five years ago) link

Beeps has recently become aware that her brother's "crazy" behavior is often directly linked to him being 4.
PP and I trade off nights putting them to bed. One night I'll put Beeps to bed, the next Henry etc
Usually an argument ensues shortly before bedtime as to who has got me that night (the only reason I can come up with for this is PP doesn't give in to their sleep stalling tactics like I do and they get the added bonus of me sometimes falling asleep so I'm in their bed all night)
Two nights ago, while Henry was upstairs in the bath, Beeps begins the usual proceedings:
B: 'Am I with you or Daddy tonight?'
Me: (expecting arguing and pleading to follow) 'It's my turn with Henry tonight'
B: 'Ah. Well, good luck with that!'

get up in this twerk cypher (sunny successor), Thursday, 15 May 2014 19:22 (five years ago) link

:D

schwantz, Thursday, 15 May 2014 21:40 (five years ago) link

August: "You need help."

She's all about telling me when she needs help these days. Love it because I rarely say that and probably should but taught her to say it last year instead of grunting but she just started saying it a month ago. As she saw me struggle with moving the car seat from one car to another and carry my purse and diaper bag she put herself in front of me and told me I needed help. Best sentence I've ever heard in my life, hands down, ever!

*tera, Friday, 16 May 2014 04:05 (five years ago) link

<3 that is very thoughtful for such a young child.

estela, Friday, 16 May 2014 05:15 (five years ago) link

That's darling!! <3

carl agatha, Friday, 16 May 2014 11:44 (five years ago) link

Evie says lots of funny/cute stuff but my favorite thing is that she says "Did you notice" instead of "Did you know." So she'll say "Did you notice we got to go to the playground today? Did you notice it's Audrey's mom's birthday?"

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 16 May 2014 15:43 (five years ago) link

K (with cup of water): I'm drinking coffee!
Me: Oh, that's nice. Are you going to work?
K: Yeah.
Me: Where do you work?
K: On the computer.
Me: Oh. How much money do you make?
K: Four.

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Thursday, 22 May 2014 14:36 (five years ago) link

lol

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 22 May 2014 18:15 (five years ago) link

give that kid a riase

Οὖτις, Thursday, 22 May 2014 21:05 (five years ago) link

raise even

Οὖτις, Thursday, 22 May 2014 21:05 (five years ago) link

I like to imagine that she meant $400,000 and that she likes to talk like a swaggering stockbroker. Next I'm going to teach her to say "You'd better throw a number with a 5 in front of it at me or this conversation's over."

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Thursday, 22 May 2014 21:08 (five years ago) link

i assumed 4 million because i imagine multimillionaires refer to sums of millions without ever saying the word 'million'

get up in this twerk cypher (sunny successor), Thursday, 22 May 2014 21:39 (five years ago) link

would have been best if she had written 4 on a napkin and slid it to you face down

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 22 May 2014 21:49 (five years ago) link

i love this thread

macklin' rosie (crüt), Thursday, 22 May 2014 21:50 (five years ago) link

lol VG

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Thursday, 22 May 2014 22:10 (five years ago) link

Also missed a teachable moment to show her that coffee is for closers.

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Thursday, 22 May 2014 22:11 (five years ago) link

I can't wait until I can teach Ella to say to my very right-wing father-in-law, 'You'll be first against the wall when the revolution comes!'

ornamental cabbage (James Morrison), Friday, 23 May 2014 01:00 (five years ago) link

Oh wow the trolling potential of having Ivy's first words be "Obamamama"...

carl agatha, Friday, 23 May 2014 01:11 (five years ago) link

My son, when describing the kids in his kindergarden class said that some of them were brown and the others were beige

silverfish, Friday, 23 May 2014 01:57 (five years ago) link

Beatle used to say brown and peach

get up in this twerk cypher (sunny successor), Friday, 23 May 2014 02:30 (five years ago) link

Peach was always the colour of the crayon we'd use for colouring in White people's faces at school.

Madchen, Friday, 23 May 2014 08:06 (five years ago) link

Yeah, I remember getting an "introduction to race" mini-lecture when I told my mom that one of my preschool classmates was not black, she was yellow.

how's life, Friday, 23 May 2014 09:12 (five years ago) link

"Evie, you can't lock yourself in the bathroom, because if you had an accident or an emergency, we couldn't get in"
"EMERGEN-C IS A DRINK!" (slams door)

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 23 May 2014 14:43 (five years ago) link

lol

how's life, Friday, 23 May 2014 14:50 (five years ago) link

hmph

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 23 May 2014 15:35 (five years ago) link

Ha, oh Evs.

carl agatha, Friday, 23 May 2014 16:00 (five years ago) link

lol

gbx, Friday, 23 May 2014 17:53 (five years ago) link

oh man.

I don't know if it reassures you that hearing about E's tantrums reassures me, but it does.

pplains, Friday, 23 May 2014 18:27 (five years ago) link

We've had some big tantrums lately where she just fixates on something and won't let it go no matter what we say. I'm starting to realize that she is insanely stubborn so it's best to not argue with her directly (because she'll never give up until she finally melts down) but to, if possible, take a break from the discussion and come back to it, or try and come at what I want her to do from a different direction.

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 23 May 2014 19:19 (five years ago) link

Yeah I have found that arguing with tantrums is like bellows to a fire. Better to maintain your position but not engage too hard. They have short memories.

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Friday, 23 May 2014 19:20 (five years ago) link

Like if she's like "NO! WANT COOKIE!" I'm like "well, we're not having cookies now." and then I just kind of let it go. I might repeat it every so often, calmly, but I don't yell back or argue.

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Friday, 23 May 2014 19:21 (five years ago) link

Pressing three yo question: "How does our dog wipe her vagina after she pees?"

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Saturday, 31 May 2014 18:24 (five years ago) link

well? how does she

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 31 May 2014 22:55 (five years ago) link

Air dry
Tongue
Dragging it on the carpet

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Saturday, 31 May 2014 23:39 (five years ago) link

zen koans that haunt your dreams

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 1 June 2014 00:42 (five years ago) link

Evie was telling me a whole string of "knock knock jokes" this morning. They ollow two patterns:

PATTERN I
E: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
E: (in a funny voice) I can't open the door, I'm in the shower! (or) Go away, I'm watching TV!

PATTERN II
E: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
E: (looks around room) Cereal.
Me: Cereal who?
E: Cereal don't eat me up!
(or)
E: (looks around room) Nose.
Me: Nose who?
E: Nose you're so nosey!
etc.

Immediate Follower (NA), Tuesday, 10 June 2014 17:35 (five years ago) link

lol

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, 10 June 2014 17:53 (five years ago) link

K (climbs into the stroller): "Going to the gym"
Me: What are you going to do there?
K: Yoga exercise.

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 10 June 2014 18:40 (five years ago) link

lol awesome

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 10 June 2014 18:46 (five years ago) link

Hammer has always been weird with his speech. He started speaking late, he talks like Yogi Berra and he makes up his own words.

One of those made-up words sounds a lot like "dorky", but it's pronounced more like "dworkey". He tried to define it to me as something special, but not always special. Awhile back, we went to a park where there's this faux-wooden bridge made of concrete spanning across a relatively calm stream that flows into one of the small surburban lakes in the neighborhood. In the stream, four or five turtles swam around, one getting on top of the shell of the other one.

"This," he informed me, "this is duorky. See?"

I mean, this is a boy who takes a running joke and goes too far with it. (SEE: "Poo-poo", 2012 - present). However, this isn't like that.

Some afternoons when I pick him up from daycare, he'll go upstairs with me to Beeps' learning area where one of the teachers gave in long ago and now offers him a snack from the big kids' table. I reminded him the other day to use his magic words if the teacher let him have something, and he looked up at me and asked, "You mean like 'dworky'?"

This is usually when I rub my temples and wish that I had had kids in my 20s because I'm too old for this.

pplains, Tuesday, 10 June 2014 19:16 (five years ago) link

Is it times like these when you also wish you had a beer, beer monster?

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, 10 June 2014 20:10 (five years ago) link

Friend of mine recently went through a break-up and went to stay with a friends. A couple days later that friend's brother came to take my friend to pick up his things at his former apt. The brother who was giving him the lift also brought along is 6 year old daughter. Before they left they were all hanging out and my friend said something along the lines of "My biggest fear is that my stuff is all gonna be in garbage bags thrown all over the lawn." Without sipping a beat the 6 year old looked up at all of them and said, "My biggest fear is vampires".

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, 10 June 2014 20:14 (five years ago) link

haaaaaa brilliant

ljubljana, Wednesday, 11 June 2014 01:38 (five years ago) link

Frozen Soundtrack: "We're not sayin' you can change him, cause people don't really change."
K: "He need to change"
Me: "Change what?"
K: "His diaper. He need to get dressed."

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:38 (five years ago) link

lol

how's life, Friday, 13 June 2014 15:39 (five years ago) link

I feel like the pervasiveness of that movie has been seriously underrepresented on I Love People-Making.

how's life, Friday, 13 June 2014 15:42 (five years ago) link

Anna and Elsa might as well be her cousins or something. She talks about them all day.

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:43 (five years ago) link

It has not been underrepresented in my life, that's for fucking sure.

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:43 (five years ago) link

otmfm

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:44 (five years ago) link

Not that it needs to be. But I feel like we're not bringing it up on purpose, whereas in my day-to-day life I can't go more than a few days without hearing my kid (or someone else's) singing "Let It Go" or "Do You Want to Build a Snowman".

how's life, Friday, 13 June 2014 15:45 (five years ago) link

xps. lol.

how's life, Friday, 13 June 2014 15:46 (five years ago) link

It was worse a couple of months ago but Evie still does belt out "Let It Go" on a pretty regular basis.

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:47 (five years ago) link

The best is all the words she doesn't know and just kind of puts in gibberish or real words that don't make any sense in context.
Last night she wanted a Frozen story at bedtime so I made up a story about Olaf going on vacation to Hawaii and winning a sandcastle contest by building a life-size version of Elsa's ice castle out of sand. He won a lifetime supply of carrots that he could use to have new noses whenever he wanted.

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:49 (five years ago) link

I've never seen the movie, have no kids of my own, and have still managed to be serenaded twice by kids singing LIG! I feel for you guys xp

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:50 (five years ago) link

That's so rad, NA.

how's life, Friday, 13 June 2014 15:50 (five years ago) link

I'm looking forward to the made-up-stories phase, she's not quite old enough for that.

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:50 (five years ago) link

K prefers snowman and in summer to let it go.

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:51 (five years ago) link

Yes, they'll serenade you in packs. Last weekend, my son and a group of 3 other ten-year-old boys did an impassioned group sing-along of LIG, and they gave it the twice-through. Not for anyone else but themselves. They just love the hell out of that song.

how's life, Friday, 13 June 2014 15:54 (five years ago) link

Most of my bedtime stories are about Bobo, a cat who only likes to drink hot chocolate.

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:57 (five years ago) link

When I was a kid I had a series of stories with my parents about a guy named Pepsi Free. He had a friend who had theme days, like he'd only wear and eat things that were red or stuff like that.

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:58 (five years ago) link

My dad used to tell me stories about when he was a kid and he was two inches tall and lived in a shoebox under his parents' bed.

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 13 June 2014 16:04 (five years ago) link

hahaha

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 16:05 (five years ago) link

I've never heard Let It Go!!!! I'm curious but want to see how long I can go without hearing it.

carl agatha, Friday, 13 June 2014 16:36 (five years ago) link

You can't hold it back anymore

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 16:37 (five years ago) link

The fixer-upper song is very funny imo, and much less annoying.

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 16:38 (five years ago) link

I still tear up sometimes when listening to Let It Go, tbh. Not the Demi Lovato version (and not my kid and his buddies singing it) but the one Elsa sings. I get really wrapped up in it.

how's life, Friday, 13 June 2014 18:25 (five years ago) link

The one Elsa sings is way better. That song doesn't do much for me, but snowman does get me a little sad.

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 18:29 (five years ago) link

I'm surprised it took this long but today was the first day where I dropped something and said "SHIT!" and immediately heard Evie in the other room say "Shit. Shit. What is shit? SHIT."

Immediate Follower (NA), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 15:36 (five years ago) link

That happens with us all the time, but the other day, a new neighbor was moving in down the street and dropped something really big and loud. I looked out the window with a casual "what the fuck?" and heard at my elbow, the tiniest, littlest squeak of a "what the fuck?"

how's life, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 15:46 (five years ago) link

H has been busy at work recognizing bad words like "stupid" and "bullshit" and "why". It's just hard to clarify for him why they're bad words.

H: Ms. Karen says "stupid" is a bad word.
ME: Well, it kinda is if you're calling someone that and it's hurting their feelings.
H: But I don't call anyone bullshit!
ME: Stop. Saying. That.

The "why" comes from me telling him that it's the incorrect reply to me saying "Put your shoes on" or "Get out of the cat room." So now he thinks "Why?" is a bad word like bullshit. I can't wait until the family members can just start texting instead of speaking to each other since, after all, that's kinda how we all became a family in the first place.

pplains, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 15:52 (five years ago) link

I have freaking nightmares with my ten-year-old asking me to justify my requests to him. Good for you, kid. Question authority. Just not me.

how's life, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 15:55 (five years ago) link

I've even gotten out of line and gone the "ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'M GOING TO TELL YOU TO GET OUT OF THE FIRE, YOU'RE GONNA STAND THERE AND SAY 'WHY?' AND THEN POOF!" route.

pplains, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 15:57 (five years ago) link

He's four. Barack Obama was president when I was born. This is going to be a long road.

pplains, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 15:57 (five years ago) link

when he was born, I should say.

pplains, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 15:57 (five years ago) link

I've even gotten out of line and gone the "ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'M GOING TO TELL YOU TO GET OUT OF THE FIRE, YOU'RE GONNA STAND THERE AND SAY 'WHY?' AND THEN POOF!" route.

Yeah, basically! If you balk when I'm telling you to do something even marginally important, how are you going to react when the situation is critical? My example is getting hit by a car, but same deal.

how's life, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 16:02 (five years ago) link

Yeah Evie insists that "I don't care" is a bad word which makes conversations like "What do you want for dinner?" "Eh I don't care" very controversial.

Immediate Follower (NA), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 16:04 (five years ago) link

But I don't call anyone bullshit!

lol

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 16:05 (five years ago) link

Yeah, "stupid" is controversial in my house because we have a rule that you can't call people stupid, but my wife and I disagree about whether we can call things or ideas stupid (since calling an idea stupid could reflect back on the person whose idea it was). I see her point, but I totally think sometimes there are some really stupid ideas and I'm okay with breaking them down to that level.

how's life, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 16:08 (five years ago) link

I hate to say it, but it's the funniest when Hammer misses the point.

We've got about a 20-minute ride home from daycare each day. Beeps and I were recently talking about our planned visit to Australia, how we were going to see Grandma and Uncle M, see her older cousin again and meet for the first time Uncle M's son, who's H's age. It'll be summertime there, so even though we'll celebrate Christmas, we're still going to go to the beach and swim in the ocean -- and yes, Beeps reminds us, there's no ocean in Arkansas.

I back into the driveway and Beeps grabs her stuff and heads for the porch. Hammer's just sitting there with this look on his face. I unstrap him from the carseat, pat his arm, and ask, "Everything ok?"

He looks around our yard and back at me. "I thought we were going to Australia?"

pplains, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 16:10 (five years ago) link

lol

how's life, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 16:12 (five years ago) link

hahahah awww!

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 16:18 (five years ago) link

aww!

carl agatha, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 16:39 (five years ago) link

Also

I'm surprised it took this long but today was the first day where I dropped something and said "SHIT!" and immediately heard Evie in the other room say "Shit. Shit. What is shit? SHIT."

Okay I will clean up my act* ASAP so I can still hang out w/ my homie Evie.

*Notice I did not say "get my shit together" eh? Eh?

carl agatha, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 16:41 (five years ago) link

<3 Hammer!

stet, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 17:00 (five years ago) link

girl cheese sandwiches!

how's life, Sunday, 22 June 2014 22:18 (five years ago) link

(we pass a billboard showing a picture of a block of swiss cheese)

K: What food that?
Me: That's Swiss cheese. Chese with holes.
K: Hole Foods!

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Monday, 23 June 2014 01:51 (five years ago) link

zinga zangggg

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 26 June 2014 19:23 (five years ago) link

"Let's go pants crazy!"

"What?"

Slowly: "Let's... go... pants.. crazy!!"

"Right, but what is that?"

"It's when you go crazy with pants!!!!!"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 26 June 2014 19:24 (five years ago) link

Duh

Jeff, Thursday, 26 June 2014 19:25 (five years ago) link

my daughter has a game she calls Super Pants. she takes her pants off, puts them on her head like a hat, and runs around yelling SUPER PANTS!!!!!

I figure she'll be a hit in college.

Euler, Thursday, 26 June 2014 22:05 (five years ago) link

omg that is the best

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 26 June 2014 22:50 (five years ago) link

my daughter has a game she calls Super Pants. she takes her pants off, puts them on her head like a hat, and runs around yelling SUPER PANTS!!!!!

I figure she'll be a hit in college.

― Euler, Thursday, June 26, 2014 6:05 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

dying

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Friday, 27 June 2014 12:19 (five years ago) link

My partner's 6 year old son was showing me his new Transformer. I said "thats really awesome, Dex!" Dex then conspiratorially stage-mutters "yeah. Daddy put it up his BUTT".

the Bronski Review (Trayce), Sunday, 6 July 2014 04:25 (five years ago) link

There was also the time he climbed into bed for dad-cuddles one morning when I was over and informed his father he had "penis nipples". WTF.

the Bronski Review (Trayce), Sunday, 6 July 2014 04:26 (five years ago) link

!

how's life, Sunday, 6 July 2014 10:11 (five years ago) link

Maybe he watches anime or something lol I have no idea.

the Bronski Review (Trayce), Sunday, 6 July 2014 23:20 (five years ago) link

When I first met my wife and son, they had been living alone together for 4 years. One of the first nights that I stayed over, I was up early and she was still asleep. He walked over to me and pointed at his nipple and asked me what you called that. "Those are called nipples," I said. He laughed. "Mommy has FAT nipples!"

She breastfed him until he was almost 3. I have no idea how they avoided that discussion.

how's life, Sunday, 6 July 2014 23:57 (five years ago) link

Thanks to patriotic songs for July 4 in day care, Evie has been singing "God Bless the USA" by Lee Greenwood, but she sings the title line as "I'll blast the U.S.A." She explained that this refers to fireworks.

She also insists that the line "It's funny how some distance makes everything feel small" in "Let It Go" is "It's cunny how some distance..."

Immediate Follower (NA), Monday, 7 July 2014 15:30 (five years ago) link

I have seen so much unironic love for that Lee Greenwood song in the past week. Makes me think I've been taking crazy pills for the past 13 years.

Beeps has been asking me some interesting questions lately.

"When you draw the American flag, do you have to put 13 stripes on it?"

"What would our flag look like if England had won?"

She also popped the "Why do some people call themselves African Americans?" on me. My trump card that no one else has was saying she could call herself an Australian American, if she wanted.

pplains, Monday, 7 July 2014 15:36 (five years ago) link

Day cares should be required by law to request parental permission to teach kids that hideous Lee Greenwood song. I'm proud of Evie's antiestablishment leanings there.

carl agatha, Monday, 7 July 2014 15:44 (five years ago) link

Me [finishing my lecture]: ... and that's why "Mexican" is not a language.
Joey: Well, it's the same to me [burps] and a burp is a period!
Abby: And a fart is a pyramid

how's life, Wednesday, 16 July 2014 01:04 (five years ago) link

abby otm

gbx, Wednesday, 16 July 2014 01:35 (five years ago) link

After watching Awesome Shark on Wander Over Yonder say "Better call a farmer (pats his calves), cuz these calves are ready for market!"

Me: Better call a a baker, cuz these buns (patted my butt) are piping hot!

Owen: Better call a junk truck, cuz this (points at crotch) needs to get picked up!

schwantz, Wednesday, 16 July 2014 02:43 (five years ago) link

lol!

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 16 July 2014 03:28 (five years ago) link

double lol

how's life, Wednesday, 16 July 2014 08:53 (five years ago) link

"daddy will there be black people where we're going?"

"what? uh, yeah, sure, probably. why?"

"i only want white people"

"what??"

"cause black people eat too much candy and sit around and get fat"

WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 16 July 2014 09:07 (five years ago) link

http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/JoBxFfz4Dko/hqdefault.jpg

Immediate Follower (NA), Wednesday, 16 July 2014 14:20 (five years ago) link

You should sit the kid down in front of this movie:

http://images3.cinemaki.com/u/20090721/640_atRLnZoaWv0tX2US1ge8Xw.jpg

and then say, "See? He wasn't fat at all!"

pplains, Wednesday, 16 July 2014 14:34 (five years ago) link

Wowsers!

Madchen, Wednesday, 16 July 2014 14:44 (five years ago) link

holy shit where the hell did that come from, tracer?

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 16 July 2014 16:24 (five years ago) link

I have NO IDEA. talkin about it here: kids and racism

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 16 July 2014 19:02 (five years ago) link

After a family car trip where my daughter gave us a workout singing different versions of the alphabet song (the A-B-C's, the Z-Y-X's, the 1-2-3's, and the backwards 1-2-3's which starts with 26 and is a little awkward):

Son (in response to something his mom said): O-M-G, mom!
Daughter (singing): Now I know my O-M-G's.

love is how's life tonight (how's life), Monday, 28 July 2014 14:16 (five years ago) link

Ha! Awesome.

carl agatha, Monday, 28 July 2014 15:44 (five years ago) link

my youngest has been talking about "the memories that she remembers", when talking about the past. It's gorgeous.

Euler, Monday, 28 July 2014 17:34 (five years ago) link

That's adorable.

love is how's life tonight (how's life), Monday, 28 July 2014 18:13 (five years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Two things I wouldn't post anywhere else but a thread specifically about kid quotes:

1.) Henry still has some strange syntax.

- "Is this gum or is it a ball?"
- "Well, it's a gumball. It's gum that's in the shape of a ball."
- "I KNOW IT'S SHAPED LIKE A BALL. BUT IS IT A BALL?"

That sort of thing. He also has one of the best gutteral old man laughs I've ever heard. Beeps will lightheartedly tease him or someone will poke him in the belly, and he lets out this DAWWWWWWW! that's deeper than you'd think and has this rough edge to it. But it's a very happy sound.

We were reading the Color Kittens the other night. This is its cover:

http://i.imgur.com/NA6GleK.jpg

I ask him, What's going on with this second cat in the purple? Is he happy? Is he sad?

At first, he tells me he's crying, but then quickly corrects himself. "No," he says, "he's going 'DAWWWWWWWW! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?!!!"

Killed me. Not "Why's this paint here?" or "Why did you spill it on me?" or even "What's happening to me..." Next time I hit my thumb with a hammer, I'll try to remember to use the correct catchphrase.

2.) Beeps is getting sublime in her humor. We play this game at her bedtime where I ask questions to our cat and she answers them (in the voice of Beeps.) The cat's humor is so dry that I sometimes don't pick up on them until after I'm the one laying in bed.

Last night, the cat got bored and stood in front of the closed bedroom door, waiting to be let out. "She" had "told" me earlier she wasn't interested in jokes, but now I asked her if she was interested in hearing a knock-knock joke, now that she was in front of the door.

BEEPS AS CAT: "I don't like knock-knock jokes."
ME: "Oh, come on. Just play along."
BEEPS AS CAT:"Ok. Go ahead."
ME: "Knock Knock!"
BEEPS AS CAT: "Slam."

Love these kids.

pplains, Wednesday, 13 August 2014 14:16 (five years ago) link

<3

"I KNOW IT'S SHAPED LIKE A BALL. BUT IS IT A BALL?"

This is some deep shit

kinder, Wednesday, 13 August 2014 21:39 (five years ago) link

three yr old to my wife:

'i'm going in my room to play...'

(three second pause, smile)

'...with my penis.'

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, 13 August 2014 21:41 (five years ago) link

omg

SEEMS TO ME (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 13 August 2014 21:45 (five years ago) link

omar, i haven't gone into it on this semi-public messageboard, but you are not alone.

pplains, Wednesday, 13 August 2014 21:48 (five years ago) link

We've been quite lucky with Aidan, he's not been obsessed, so far.

written rather than spoken, and from at least 9 months ago, but I found this in Aidan's room tidying up

http://photos-a.ak.instagram.com/hphotos-ak-xaf1/10608039_703130606423984_276027323_n.jpg

vickyp, Thursday, 14 August 2014 08:27 (five years ago) link

I am dying at the penis comment. OMG.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, 14 August 2014 12:27 (five years ago) link

We were having a pre-bedtime family cuddle and Evie said "come join the group hug ... dot com."

Immediate Follower (NA), Sunday, 17 August 2014 01:22 (five years ago) link

hahahaha

carl agatha, Sunday, 17 August 2014 03:26 (five years ago) link

Hank says when I pick him up at daycare, "Oops, almost forgot my email!" and then picks up an envelope with a note inside it from his cubby.

pplains, Sunday, 17 August 2014 03:47 (five years ago) link

AW!

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, 18 August 2014 16:37 (five years ago) link

The "e" is for Envelope.

Orson Wellies (in orbit), Monday, 18 August 2014 16:53 (five years ago) link

Similarly, K refers to a photo album she likes to look at as "the facebook"

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Monday, 18 August 2014 16:58 (five years ago) link

"I know you're cooking me girl cheese, but are you done with your boy cheese?"

how's life, Saturday, 30 August 2014 12:31 (five years ago) link

I kinda don't fit in here as I've no kids of my own but adjusting to a partner with 2 boys has been enormous fun. we'll be lying in bed weekend morning naturally unclothed and littlest will come barging in at 8am to get into bed for a cuddle and go "ewwww daddy and traytray are naked " (we aren't! just in undies ) and it cracks me up.

the Bronski Review (Trayce), Sunday, 31 August 2014 09:17 (five years ago) link

I kinda don't fit in here as I've no kids of my own

We welcome all sorts!

Madchen, Sunday, 31 August 2014 10:30 (five years ago) link

how old are the boys, trayce?

SEEMS TO ME (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 31 August 2014 15:11 (five years ago) link

This was related to me by a friend over dinner:

My friend's husband, Mark, does sound at their church. He was busy at the soundboard during a service and my friend and their 16 month old daughter were sitting nearby. The kid really wanted her father's attention and kept saying, "Papa! Papa! Papa!" My friend would say, "Not now, Papa's busy" and try to distract her. But the kid wasn't having it. "Papa! Papa! Papa!" Finally after five or six unsuccessful tries to get Papa's attention, the kid just shouts out loud enough for the whole congregation to hear, "HEY! MARK!"

carl agatha, Sunday, 31 August 2014 17:53 (five years ago) link

Veg: they're six and nine. smart funny lil buggers they is. dad farts, and the six year old shouts SMELL THE GLORY!

the Bronski Review (Trayce), Monday, 1 September 2014 12:19 (five years ago) link

Excellent!

schwantz, Monday, 1 September 2014 15:58 (five years ago) link

loool

SEEMS TO ME (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 1 September 2014 16:04 (five years ago) link

Yesterday Evie was singing "Rude" but just the line "I'm gonna marry her anyway" over and over. I asked her if they played it at her school (this is how she heard "Call Me Maybe" and that terrible One Direction song) and she said no, her friend Cameron told her about it. I wish I had been there when one four-year-old was teaching another about the song "Rude." Then when she was going to bed she asked me to play "gonna marry her anyway" on my phone and I lied and said it wasn't on Spotify.

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 5 September 2014 20:03 (five years ago) link

now you can tell that story when you toast her on her wedding day

╲╱\/╲/\╱╲╱\/\ (gr8080), Friday, 5 September 2014 20:07 (five years ago) link

it's a weird thing when young kids start singing random pop songs (especially when they're songs you haven't heard yourself). My son was singing that "moves like jagger" song all the time a couple of years ago. He probably just heard it on the radio or whatever, but for like a couple of weeks the only version of that song that I was familiar with was the one sung by a 4 year old.

Untitled Female Spiderverse (silverfish), Friday, 5 September 2014 20:11 (five years ago) link

Oh, this is the version that I learned first. Thanks again, kids.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_93QVNSCmg

how's life, Friday, 5 September 2014 22:35 (five years ago) link

I don't think I've ever heard the original song before! That seems impossible, though.

carl agatha, Saturday, 6 September 2014 12:33 (five years ago) link

H: "Look! I'm talking!" *moves jaws and lips silently in exaggerated fashion.*

pplains, Sunday, 14 September 2014 17:49 (five years ago) link

This, while I'm sitting here reading the weird twitter thread.

pplains, Sunday, 14 September 2014 17:50 (five years ago) link

Ella at 19 months, practising sounds to herself: "duck luck wuck nuck fuck (sees our amused reaction) fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

ornamental cabbage (James Morrison), Monday, 15 September 2014 11:10 (five years ago) link

"WUP! WUP! WUP! GANG MUSTACHE STYLE!"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 15 September 2014 11:18 (five years ago) link

my youngest has gotten into use/mention fun with cussing, e.g. "I saw a graffiti today that said "fuck", that's a bad word"

droit au butt (Euler), Monday, 15 September 2014 12:50 (five years ago) link

a joke my son told me the other day:

Q: Why are pumpkins orange?
A: Because they don't have any butts

Untitled Female Spiderverse (silverfish), Monday, 15 September 2014 16:32 (five years ago) link

I loled.

carl agatha, Monday, 15 September 2014 16:34 (five years ago) link

That's great! There has been a resurgence of my girl's butt drawings (as pictured here: Kids say the darndest things)

https://scontent-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10649979_10152761422748783_2192251034107899275_n.jpg?oh=d359291813669507707383a5f085f92f&oe=5486D5C3

This weekend she announced that she was going to draw "the perfect butt" (not pictured). It's become an obsession.

how's life, Monday, 15 September 2014 17:21 (five years ago) link

You can see how the butts have progressed from two circles with a line drawn in-between to one oblong with a line down the middle. She obviously has spent some time in reflective thought and observation.

how's life, Monday, 15 September 2014 17:26 (five years ago) link

last yr I took a trip and my youngest made me a goodbye card. she drew a toilet with floating turds. "Daddy, I drew something you'd like," she told me.

droit au butt (Euler), Monday, 15 September 2014 17:32 (five years ago) link

lol.

how's life, Monday, 15 September 2014 17:33 (five years ago) link

She was...right?

droit au butt (Euler), Monday, 15 September 2014 17:34 (five years ago) link

PP: Pete and Repeat go into a store. Pete comes out. Who's left?
BEEPS: Uh... Ree?
PP: Ree? OK, listen. Pete and Repeat go into a store. Pete comes out. Who's left inside the store?
BEEPS: You're saying it again.
PP: You know this one?
BEEPS: Know what?
PP: Just tell me... Pete and Repeat, ok, go inside the store. Pete comes back outside. Now who's left in the store?
BEEPS: Ree.
PP: WHY ARE YOU SAYING JUST "REE"?
BEEPS: BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT "PEAT" CAME OUT. THAT LEAVES THE "RE-" PART IN THE STORE.

I got sonned (or daughtered) by my own dumb-ass joke.

pplains, Tuesday, 16 September 2014 03:21 (five years ago) link

Oh snap.

carl agatha, Tuesday, 16 September 2014 03:26 (five years ago) link

awesome

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 16 September 2014 03:53 (five years ago) link

Rad

Immediate Follower (NA), Tuesday, 16 September 2014 14:36 (five years ago) link

Poor pplains.

how's life, Tuesday, 16 September 2014 14:39 (five years ago) link

"HEY! MARK!"

Yeah, I've had that one: Alice age two.

"Hey! I'm your dad, right? I'm not your mother's boyfriend!"

Alice: "Ha ha ha"

Mark G, Tuesday, 16 September 2014 15:25 (five years ago) link

it's a weird thing when young kids start singing random pop songs (especially when they're songs you haven't heard yourself).

Yeah, one time I was driving along, and Amber (5 then) says "Can I sing a song?" "OK" i say, and then she breaks into "To dream the impossible dream" from Man of La Mancha, full voice. I nearly crash..

"Where did you get that song from?"
"Oh, Milo sang it on The Tweenies"

Mark G, Tuesday, 16 September 2014 15:27 (five years ago) link

Molly's been watching too many youtube videos of people talking about toys. On the bus this morning she was playing with her Princess Anna toy, taking her dress off and saying 'I love the detailing on this, and it's got a velcro fastening so it's easy to get off' There are so many words in her vocabulary that wouldn't be there if it wasn't for youtube, I feel quite ashamed

vickyp, Wednesday, 17 September 2014 10:09 (five years ago) link

I don't listen to the radio much. I worked in radio all my working years until I was almost 40 and I'm just done with it. Besides, I like being able to hear the kids in the backseat and I don't get so distracted as easily.

But out of nowhere, now they both want to hear the radio in the car. Beeps wants pop. Hank wants rock and roll. "Until It Sleeps" by Metallica was actually somewhat of a hit for him yesterday.

This morning, they want it on again. Fine. We land right at the intro of "Beast of Burden".

HANK: This is sad music. I WANT ROCK & ROLL!

pplains, Thursday, 18 September 2014 16:22 (five years ago) link

awesome

sleeve, Thursday, 18 September 2014 16:39 (five years ago) link

loool

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 18 September 2014 18:30 (five years ago) link

Ben: What's a PAC?

Me: P-A-C-K or P-A-C?

Ben: P-A-C

Me: Well, a PAC is a political organization that you can donate money to. Then, they can give that money to politicians that have the same views.

Owen: Then why is he called Pac-Man?

schwantz, Sunday, 21 September 2014 20:15 (five years ago) link

hahaha

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 21 September 2014 20:47 (five years ago) link

nice.

how's life, Sunday, 21 September 2014 21:42 (five years ago) link

"this store smells like my vagina"

Οὖτις, Monday, 22 September 2014 16:36 (five years ago) link

whaaaaaat

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 22 September 2014 16:47 (five years ago) link

Please tell me she said that loudly.

schwantz, Monday, 22 September 2014 16:47 (five years ago) link

tbf this quote was related to me by my wife

Οὖτις, Monday, 22 September 2014 17:00 (five years ago) link

omg omg omg

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Tuesday, 23 September 2014 15:12 (five years ago) link

the best

smoochy-woochy touchy-wouchy, (sunny successor), Tuesday, 23 September 2014 22:25 (five years ago) link

This weekend we stopped in Hastings-on-Hudson, which is one of those *charming towns* in the Hudson Valley north of NYC. We sat down for brunch at a yuppie farm-to-table restaurant and Keren exclaimed "This is the Berkshires!"

my jaw left (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 24 September 2014 01:25 (five years ago) link

We're sitting at Ella's drawing table, which is by the front windows, and an extremely loud, rumbling-engined motorbike roars past.

Ella says, "Fart! Fart!"

ornamental cabbage (James Morrison), Wednesday, 1 October 2014 06:29 (five years ago) link

Beeps comes running from the far end of the playground, leaps off the step onto the ground by the bench I'm sitting on. "Look at me, Daddy!" "I see you!"

Hank tries the same thing, but stumbles before he reaches the step, sorta veers off to the side into a fall– enough where I put my hands up to catch him and go WHOA – somehow regains his footing through some unintentional parkour and stops.

Without making eye-contact, he shuffles past me and mumbles "What did you think of my trick, Dad?"

pplains, Thursday, 2 October 2014 13:54 (five years ago) link

*pointing to easel* "Mommy did painting of teacher susan. She's a good guy."

my jaw left (Hurting 2), Thursday, 2 October 2014 14:03 (five years ago) link

About gumballs again:

HENRY: I like Blueberry. Orange hurt me.

PP: It was a little strong, huh?

HENRY: Orange beat me up in my mouth!

pplains, Sunday, 5 October 2014 03:45 (five years ago) link

We went to see "The Box Trolls" and there was a preview for the Paddington Bear movie before. There's a scene where Paddington is in the bathroom and he picks up two toothbrushes and sticks them in his ears, pulls them out with a bunch of brown goop on them, then looks around and tastes the goop. Now Evie keeps walking around looking mad saying "ARGH. Stop thinking about the bear and the toothbrushes. I don't want to think about the bear anymore! Stop it, brain!"

Immediate Follower (NA), Monday, 6 October 2014 15:05 (five years ago) link

I know how she feels.

how's life, Monday, 6 October 2014 15:15 (five years ago) link

God me too.

carl agatha, Monday, 6 October 2014 15:30 (five years ago) link

HENRY: Orange beat me up in my mouth!

I'm right there with ya, Hank.

Orson Wellies (in orbit), Monday, 6 October 2014 15:40 (five years ago) link

There's a scene where Paddington is in the bathroom and he picks up two toothbrushes and sticks them in his ears, pulls them out with a bunch of brown goop on them, then looks around and tastes the goop

WHY IS THIS A SCENE IN THE FILM WAT. D:

Gumbercules? I love that guy! (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 October 2014 00:33 (five years ago) link

iirc he also ends up sticking his head in a toilet for some reason

you little affront to god (reddening), Wednesday, 8 October 2014 07:51 (five years ago) link

Guys, I don't want to think about the bear anymore.

pplains, Wednesday, 8 October 2014 15:54 (five years ago) link

This morning I was cleaning out our fridge and threw away some really old disgusting broccoli, which I then kept talking about because it was so gross, and I was jokingly saying "I don't want to think about the broccoli any more! Stop it brain!" and Evie was very seriously like "Dad, you're going to think about the broccoli for a few days. But then you won't think about it any more. Because I couldn't stop thinking about the bear, but now I don't think about it any more."

Immediate Follower (NA), Wednesday, 8 October 2014 16:06 (five years ago) link

Cute.

how's life, Wednesday, 8 October 2014 16:12 (five years ago) link

<3

carl agatha, Wednesday, 8 October 2014 16:19 (five years ago) link

Awwwww!

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 8 October 2014 16:24 (five years ago) link

one of eli's pals at school is named Paddington http://www.statichukd.com/images/threads/2002716_1.jpg

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, 8 October 2014 17:28 (five years ago) link

oh dear

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 8 October 2014 17:39 (five years ago) link

why would someone do that to their child :(

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 8 October 2014 17:40 (five years ago) link

Evie's Pro-tips <3

smoochy-woochy touchy-wouchy, (sunny successor), Wednesday, 8 October 2014 19:59 (five years ago) link

one month passes...

Keren announced at the dinner table last night: "This is my friend Ahmed. He lives in a big city called Cairo."

my jaw left (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 November 2014 17:10 (five years ago) link

Veronica: Knock knock!
Me: Who's there?
Veronica: Closet!
Me: Closet who?
Veronica: Closet went to Boston! *maniacal laugh*
Me: ...

Οὖτις, Monday, 17 November 2014 17:36 (five years ago) link

(she is trying desperately to develop some comedy chops)

Οὖτις, Monday, 17 November 2014 17:37 (five years ago) link

getting the hang of knock knock jokes is like a turing test or something i think

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 17 November 2014 17:38 (five years ago) link

You saying shakeys kid still might be a robot?

my jaw left (Hurting 2), Monday, 17 November 2014 17:39 (five years ago) link

also there was quite a long explanation that accompanied that joke but I can't recall all of it, but it did end with "and that's why Boston is the punchline!" How puns work continues to elude her...

Οὖτις, Monday, 17 November 2014 17:40 (five years ago) link

K has sort of picked up on the "funny because it's not true" version of humor, like saying "Cookie Monster eats broccoli...no!"

my jaw left (Hurting 2), Monday, 17 November 2014 17:41 (five years ago) link

I was so proud the other night of my comedy chops. Beeps had been putting on a show with her stuffed nocturnal bird animal, and when she got up, she stepped on something and went ow!

We looked at her foot and she was ok. As she climbed up to her bunk bed, I said, that'd be a funny cartoon you could draw - two characters walking the woods when one of them steps on something and says ow!. And then have an owl say from a branch, Yes?

She gave me the exact same reaction as Arthur does to the line: "Then I won't be needing my jacket?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QLSRMoKKS0

Thank you, Beeps.

pplains, Monday, 17 November 2014 17:51 (five years ago) link

LOL

carl agatha, Monday, 17 November 2014 18:01 (five years ago) link

Highlights from the last week:

(Eavesdropping on argument)
A: You're not the queen of this house!
L: But I am the queen of bunnies. And they came first.
A: No they did not! Insects came first!
L: Bunnies created the insects. And water and sand and lemonade and lampposts.

(Part of her overarching theory that once the meteor did for the dinosaurs, the bunnies came out of their impact-resistant warrens and basically kickstarted human civilisation. She is a human-bunny hybrid, one of only two left. The other is a 110yo man in Florida).

Me: Who was the first woman in space?
A: Vanessa Blackwell!
Me: Valentina Tereshkova.
A: I knew I was close.

(Lulu in her skeleton PJs)
L: Look at my pelvis.
A: Like Elvis the Pelvis. Daddy, why did they call him that?
L: Because he hid his pelvis in his massive hair.

(On coming downstairs during a BBC4 showing of Duncan Jones's MOON; I felt obliged to explain the plot as I wasn't going to let them stay up and watch it... **SPOILERS**)
A: If I'd written this film he'd have woken all the clones up and just had a big party. The end.

Michael Jones, Monday, 17 November 2014 18:23 (five years ago) link

Because he hid his pelvis in his massive hair.

carl agatha, Monday, 17 November 2014 18:24 (five years ago) link

(Part of her overarching theory that once the meteor did for the dinosaurs, the bunnies came out of their impact-resistant warrens and basically kickstarted human civilisation. She is a human-bunny hybrid, one of only two left. The other is a 110yo man in Florida).

This kid is amazing.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, 17 November 2014 19:28 (five years ago) link

water and sand and lemonade and lampposts

this is v poetic

example (crüt), Monday, 17 November 2014 19:32 (five years ago) link

Bunnies created the insects. And water and sand and lemonade and lampposts.

would subscribe to her newsletter

Οὖτις, Monday, 17 November 2014 20:05 (five years ago) link

My son, who is in first grade and starting to read, reads my t-shirt:

him: "Pixies", what's that?
me: They're a band, one of my favorite bands actually
him: *points to his shirt* My favorite band is GAP

silverfish, Monday, 17 November 2014 20:46 (five years ago) link

Ha.

Gap Band is great, good taste.

my jaw left (Hurting 2), Monday, 17 November 2014 20:47 (five years ago) link

Henry: "If you stand on top of the Christmas Tree star, you won't be able to see the presents."

Literally turned my head around at the red light to look at him in the backseat and ask, "Who are you?"

pplains, Tuesday, 18 November 2014 14:43 (five years ago) link

lol

✓ out this insane nakh yall (gr8080), Tuesday, 18 November 2014 15:50 (five years ago) link

For homework, Lulu did an acrostic:

Vicious mountains erupt wildly
Opened top explodes with lava
Lava catches trees on fire!
Can you run fast enough?
Animals must be scared!
Nearly everyone is panicking
Only scientists are calm

But the original "C" line - which made her laugh herself helpless - was going to be "Can I have a milkshake? I'm boiling!"

Michael Jones, Tuesday, 18 November 2014 22:27 (five years ago) link

nice!

put your money where the maracas are (how's life), Tuesday, 18 November 2014 23:41 (five years ago) link

Ella's started summarising her picture books and "reading" them to us from memory.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/91QCIc2FCuL.jpg
Sven's Bridge has become:

"Sven! Naughty King! BOOM! King no pants!"

ornamental cabbage (James Morrison), Wednesday, 19 November 2014 02:37 (five years ago) link

lool

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 19 November 2014 03:56 (five years ago) link

"Daddy, look, a fire!"
"No, that's just smoke from a chimney, I think."
"Or it's from a factory. Some cities have factories. Like the Cheesecake Factory."

droit au butt (Euler), Wednesday, 19 November 2014 09:45 (five years ago) link

"Sven! Naughty King! BOOM! King no pants!"

omg

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 19 November 2014 13:16 (five years ago) link

also lol at the cheesecake factory

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 19 November 2014 13:16 (five years ago) link

bf: cmon Dex you gotta get ready for your party, they're picking you up soon!
Dex: I gotta go get HANDSOME! *runs off to his room*

Gumbercules? I love that guy! (Trayce), Friday, 21 November 2014 09:03 (five years ago) link

Before I caught her, wandering around to the neighboring parents at her older brother's school orchestra concert:

*blows raspberry*
I farted!
*blows raspberry*
I farted!
*maniacal laughter*
etc.

put your money where the maracas are (how's life), Friday, 21 November 2014 11:11 (five years ago) link

that sounds like me!

droit au butt (Euler), Friday, 21 November 2014 11:35 (five years ago) link

dex otm.

✓ out this insane nakh yall (gr8080), Saturday, 22 November 2014 01:37 (five years ago) link

For homework, Lulu did an acrostic:

Vicious mountains erupt wildly
Opened top explodes with lava
Lava catches trees on fire!
Can you run fast enough?
Animals must be scared!
Nearly everyone is panicking
Only scientists are calm

But the original "C" line - which made her laugh herself helpless - was going to be "Can I have a milkshake? I'm boiling!"

This is just amazing

smoochy-woochy touchy-wouchy, (sunny successor), Saturday, 22 November 2014 02:18 (five years ago) link

Little kids are nature's born surrealists. Ella, now 22 months, seems to have invented an imaginary friend of sorts: a sometimes blue, sometimes brown walrus called "Meat" who lives on her shoulder. When asked why we can't see him, she explains he's hiding in her armpit. Apparently she met him "far away" and then he moved into our shower.

ornamental cabbage (James Morrison), Thursday, 27 November 2014 05:23 (five years ago) link

That's great.

put your money where the maracas are (how's life), Thursday, 27 November 2014 11:31 (five years ago) link

Meat! Haha oh man

carl agatha, Thursday, 27 November 2014 13:20 (five years ago) link

That is amazing and I'm smiling so big reading that.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, 27 November 2014 13:22 (five years ago) link

two weeks pass...

While playing campout.

HL: Are you afraid of the dark?
A: No. I HUNT night reindeer in the dark.
HL: Oh yeah? How do you hunt night reindeer? With a gun or a bow-and-arrow?
A: With a bone arrow. You take em back to the camp, throw em on the fire, mush em up into a blanklet, then you chop the head off so you don't have a head on your blanklet.

how's life, Saturday, 13 December 2014 22:08 (five years ago) link

O_o

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 14 December 2014 06:42 (five years ago) link

two weeks pass...

I don't hold my sarcastic sense of humor a virtue, pretty much agreeing that it's the lowest form of humor. But that said, I work with what I've got.

What I wasn't expecting was not only Beeps picking up sarcasm, but also applying the bitter oil and vitriol needed on her own to make her caustic observations so effective. (Remember, she's 7.)

Case in point: we drove past an adult novelties shop recently, its name on the outside only ADULT STORE. italics won't do this justice, but from the backseat, we hear:

"Ohhh. I'd bet that store is the best."

Sorry, world. And I mean that with sincerity.

pplains, Saturday, 3 January 2015 10:43 (five years ago) link

Ha ha.

Sorry, this isn't the photo thread, but I think this sums up Ava's attitude to her sister much of the time...

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7510/16154006306_b54f7c8543_c.jpg

Michael Jones, Saturday, 3 January 2015 12:53 (five years ago) link

We then asked her what items she thought were being sold inside hat adult store, and she replied, "I dunno, shaving things?"

Oh, the stifling.

pplains, Saturday, 3 January 2015 13:30 (five years ago) link

lool

kinder, Saturday, 3 January 2015 14:20 (five years ago) link

""Knock knock who's there!!"

"Uh, who's there?"

"Poop"

"Poop who?"

"Hahahahahahaha"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Saturday, 3 January 2015 14:31 (five years ago) link

comedy gold imo

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 3 January 2015 17:37 (five years ago) link

Nice one! Yesterday, my kid was sitting on the toilet and renamed her feet "poop" and "pee" and had a little puppet show with them.

Hey, poop.
What is it, pee?
Oh sorry. Poop, what is that sticker on your toenail?
It's a star.
It is a Monster High star and I have one too!
etc.

how's life, Saturday, 3 January 2015 18:17 (five years ago) link

My parents have provided third party confirmation that Ivy has uttered her first word beyond "Mama" and "Dada" and it is...

CAT!!!

I am so freaking proud!

carl agatha, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 02:41 (five years ago) link

She says it when she sees Francie after she's done squealing or making that Sleestack hissing noise she makes when she gets excited about something.

SQUEEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHHH CAT! CAT! AHHHHHHHHH

carl agatha, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 02:43 (five years ago) link

:D

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 7 January 2015 02:52 (five years ago) link

aw man

gbx, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 03:35 (five years ago) link

:D that's sweet.

schwantz, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 03:53 (five years ago) link

<3 a very promising start.

estela, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 04:02 (five years ago) link

Great word!

Madchen, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 05:13 (five years ago) link

That was my first word! Good choice, Ivy, great going!

ljubljana, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 08:02 (five years ago) link

Awesome! My first word was "kit-cat" and my daughter's first word was our cat's name.

how's life, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 10:10 (five years ago) link

'round and round the garden, like a teddy bear, one step, two steps, tickly underwear!' From Molly, 3.

vickyp, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 12:35 (five years ago) link

Haha!

Madchen, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 13:29 (five years ago) link

Cute!

how's life, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 13:34 (five years ago) link

CAT!!!

I am so freaking proud!

😺 😸 😻

bob seger's silver bullet gland (sic), Wednesday, 7 January 2015 14:07 (five years ago) link

the "cartilage in the zoo" monologue from last spring is killing me

jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Thursday, 8 January 2015 17:49 (five years ago) link

my man's been singing a version of the dreidel song lately:

I had a little dreidel
I made it out of snow
I put it in the oven
Where did my dreidel go?

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Thursday, 8 January 2015 17:53 (five years ago) link

:D

carl agatha, Thursday, 8 January 2015 18:10 (five years ago) link

also when a friend of mine asked him what he should name his new cat, he paused and thought about it and then said "Binky Balls!"

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Thursday, 8 January 2015 18:12 (five years ago) link

Better than that pizza joke, I'll give your boy that, Omar.

pplains, Thursday, 8 January 2015 19:17 (five years ago) link

K (3) held up her hello kitty night light to her ear like a phone and said "Hello? Kitty?"

man alive, Thursday, 8 January 2015 20:53 (five years ago) link

lol

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 8 January 2015 21:00 (five years ago) link

hahaha

carl agatha, Thursday, 8 January 2015 21:11 (five years ago) link

It's raining, it's boring....

pplains, Tuesday, 13 January 2015 03:38 (five years ago) link

Ben: "Quinoa is like yucky couscous."

schwantz, Wednesday, 14 January 2015 04:30 (five years ago) link

Lol. Kind of otm. Feel even more that way since quinoa was the "last in, first out" when I had norovirus recently.

walid foster dulles (man alive), Wednesday, 14 January 2015 04:35 (five years ago) link

dancing to michael jackson

"is michael jackson dead?"

"yeah"

"when am i going to die?"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 14 January 2015 15:19 (five years ago) link

oh no!

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 14 January 2015 15:48 (five years ago) link

3 y.o.

:/

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 14 January 2015 17:27 (five years ago) link

not for a very very long time little bud

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 14 January 2015 17:33 (five years ago) link

;_;

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 15 January 2015 00:12 (five years ago) link

After having taken a picture of him, our 6 year old son:

"Don't put that on facebook!"

After asking him what facebook was:

"It's where everybody sees what you're doing"

silverfish, Monday, 19 January 2015 16:08 (five years ago) link

Aw. We have a little private "K channel" for friends and family only to avoid putting lots of photos of K in public FB feeds. I always wonder at what point it's going to annoy her that we do it.

walid foster dulles (man alive), Monday, 19 January 2015 16:09 (five years ago) link

"Who invented shoes?"

Οὖτις, Monday, 19 January 2015 20:12 (five years ago) link

I did not have an answer

Οὖτις, Monday, 19 January 2015 21:02 (five years ago) link

kid in my class today as she left:

"this is the last time i saw you"

jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Thursday, 22 January 2015 19:27 (five years ago) link

(4 y/o)

jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Thursday, 22 January 2015 19:27 (five years ago) link

whoa

walid foster dulles (man alive), Thursday, 22 January 2015 19:36 (five years ago) link

creepy as fuck

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, 22 January 2015 19:40 (five years ago) link

idgi did she mean time is repeating itself or that she won't be back tomorrow

Οὖτις, Thursday, 22 January 2015 20:07 (five years ago) link

In a few days someone will ask you when was the last time you saw her

walid foster dulles (man alive), Thursday, 22 January 2015 20:09 (five years ago) link

well that's a creepy thing to say too :|

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Thursday, 22 January 2015 20:17 (five years ago) link

sry :(

walid foster dulles (man alive), Thursday, 22 January 2015 20:18 (five years ago) link

LIL BRO: "I remember it happened back when I was eight."
BIG SIS: "YOU WERE NEVER EIGHT."

pplains, Thursday, 22 January 2015 20:50 (five years ago) link

(Ages 5 & 7, btw.)

pplains, Thursday, 22 January 2015 20:51 (five years ago) link

Ella usually calls me Daddy, but somehow has decided that when I'm not doing what she wants, she should call me by my first name.
"Pick me up, Daddy!"
"Hang on, just let me put this fire out..."
"Pick me UP, JAMES!"

ornamental cabbage (James Morrison), Thursday, 22 January 2015 23:29 (five years ago) link

K just looked at me from her bed and whispered "I will be born."

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 23 January 2015 01:51 (five years ago) link

One time when our oldest was like 4 or 5, he was explaining something to me. I don't remember what he was talking about, something simple, concrete, real. But at the end he qualifies it with "...it this world." Like as if to distinguish it from the other realms of time and space of which we're both perfectly aware.

how's life, Friday, 23 January 2015 01:58 (five years ago) link

K just looked at me from her bed and whispered "I will be born."

Kids say the eeriest things.

carl agatha, Friday, 23 January 2015 02:00 (five years ago) link

Before she could actually talk, Ella would look up from her cot, stare at us and clearly say "Death!"

ornamental cabbage (James Morrison), Friday, 23 January 2015 03:44 (five years ago) link

um you guys are freaking me out now

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Friday, 23 January 2015 12:59 (five years ago) link

Some of the comments to that article have funnier stories than even the article

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 23 January 2015 14:58 (five years ago) link

I take Kto a Jewish preschool.

This morning in the hallway she pointed to my bag and said "That's daddy's lunch" and I said, "that's right." And she yells, "It's pork! It's pork!"

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 23 January 2015 15:06 (five years ago) link

irl lol

So busted.

carl agatha, Friday, 23 January 2015 15:09 (five years ago) link

Yeah it was really uncomfortable for me in context too, because we've realized the place is too religious for us but we want to keep our daughter there until kindergarten because it's by far the best preschool we've found.

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 23 January 2015 15:33 (five years ago) link

the kid who said "this is the last time i saw you" isnt here today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Friday, 23 January 2015 16:18 (five years ago) link

!

example (crüt), Friday, 23 January 2015 16:19 (five years ago) link

kid otm

example (crüt), Friday, 23 January 2015 16:19 (five years ago) link

my favorite

My 7 year old son out of the blue asked me one day" Dad do we have any midgets in the family"? I responded "no" He says " There goes that plan".

Οὖτις, Friday, 23 January 2015 16:40 (five years ago) link

yeah that one

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 23 January 2015 16:43 (five years ago) link

wait is man alive Hurting did I miss something...?

Οὖτις, Friday, 23 January 2015 16:48 (five years ago) link

Yes to both.

carl agatha, Friday, 23 January 2015 16:51 (five years ago) link

i was reborn

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 23 January 2015 16:51 (five years ago) link

He is a man alive.

carl agatha, Friday, 23 January 2015 16:52 (five years ago) link

 H
U
R
T
ALIVE
MAN
G

how's life, Friday, 23 January 2015 16:52 (five years ago) link

This is not at all darndest, but this is probably the only audience I can subject to this story. Last night when F woke up I rocked him and soothed him, even though he would really rather just have played. He finally became drowsy again and I put him down to sleep.

When I went to leave the room, he said sadly "dad, dad, dad?", which is the first time he's done anything like that. Heartbreaking!

stet, Friday, 23 January 2015 17:21 (five years ago) link

AWWWWWW!!!

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Friday, 23 January 2015 17:37 (five years ago) link

My 7 year old son out of the blue asked me one day" Dad do we have any midgets in the family"? I responded "no" He says " There goes that plan".

omg i'm dying over this

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Friday, 23 January 2015 17:38 (five years ago) link

This one is great too

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "I want to be a unicorn!" "Awww, why's that?"........ "So I can stab people with my face." "........."

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 23 January 2015 17:40 (five years ago) link

that has your son's full name and your home address on it, you might want to take it down or have mods do it -- you could repost a redacted version

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 23 January 2015 20:05 (five years ago) link

Yeah, fair enough. I have privacy dialed-up on fb, but not here, obv.

schwantz, Friday, 23 January 2015 20:08 (five years ago) link

Here's a redacted version:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/hzkouprr46mhs72/Photo%20Jan%2022%2C%208%2059%2041%20PM-redacted.jpg?dl=0

schwantz, Friday, 23 January 2015 20:14 (five years ago) link

yeah but don't forget to ask mods to take down the other one

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 23 January 2015 20:17 (five years ago) link

I did and they did!

schwantz, Friday, 23 January 2015 21:37 (five years ago) link

Good, I now feel more at ease for little Schwantz Q. Schwantzman of One-Thirty-Schwantz Schwantzing Lane, Schwantzville, New Schwantz

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 23 January 2015 21:54 (five years ago) link

my friend posted this on FB - some of them are p lol
"Parents share their 3yo daughter's quotes":
http://m.imgur.com/gallery/MT2mN

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 25 January 2015 16:07 (five years ago) link

my friend posted a vid of her little one (who is 5) and he's an old soul. and he's talkin passionately about paddleboarding and he says, excitedly "every single day....every single day that you will let me paddle board, well I'M GOIN FOR IT!" as his face changes to that of determined intensity and he pumps his fist.

it was the most adorable thing ever.

Hammer Smashed Bagels, Sunday, 25 January 2015 16:11 (five years ago) link

Just to add to the list of frightening crap kids say, over the weekend my 4 year old told me out of nowhere that "someday the sun is gonna burn up the earth."

how's life, Tuesday, 27 January 2015 00:34 (five years ago) link

Budding astrophysicist there!

Ivy has said her fourth word! Weirdly, it is "treasure." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

about a dozen duck supporters (carl agatha), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 01:29 (five years ago) link

I mean it is not a total mystery. She was watching The Backyardigans with Jeff and digging a song about treasure and she said treasure. Then she repeated it tonight to me at Jeff's prompting. But still. Not book, bath, cup, shoe, bus, dance, "Slow down, asshole!" or any of the words she hears a million times a day. No. She said "treasure."

about a dozen duck supporters (carl agatha), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 01:32 (five years ago) link

because she is a

gbx, Tuesday, 27 January 2015 02:56 (five years ago) link

Could she be a reincarnated pirate?
<3

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 14:34 (five years ago) link

Ha, I found the clip they were watching and no wonder she said "treasure."

http://www.nickjr.com/kids-videos/backyardigans-pirate-treasure.html

about a dozen duck supporters (carl agatha), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 14:40 (five years ago) link

That's great. I miss our Backyardigans days. I'm hoping for a revival someday before she's too old to enjoy it.

how's life, Tuesday, 27 January 2015 14:43 (five years ago) link

I love that show. Jeff and I would sometimes watch it during a brief time in about 2005 when we had cable, and we even bought a CD (lol) of the music. I realized last night that my desire to have a kid pretty much coincided with those initial Backyardigans viewings. So thanks Pablo, Tyrone, Uniqua, Tasha, and Austin!

about a dozen duck supporters (carl agatha), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 14:50 (five years ago) link

I now live in a flat above a bridal shop.

Ava: "These dresses are disgusting."
Lulu: "Yeah, I'm getting married dressed as a ninja! Well, when I have my friendship ceremony with Daisy, we'll both be dressed as ninjas."
Ava: "I'd want to wear a suit."
Lulu: "A BLACK SUIT!"
Ava: "Not everything has to be black, Lulu."

Michael Jones, Tuesday, 27 January 2015 14:54 (five years ago) link

Backyardigans one of the few shows I tried to force them to watch and they just never went for it.

Maybe because Nick Jr showed that pirate episode 248 times in a row.

pplains, Tuesday, 27 January 2015 14:55 (five years ago) link

It's streaming on Amazon Prime now so we can be free of Nick Jr.'s rerun tyranny.

about a dozen duck supporters (carl agatha), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 14:56 (five years ago) link

Ava: "These dresses are disgusting."
Lulu: "Yeah, I'm getting married dressed as a ninja! Well, when I have my friendship ceremony with Daisy, we'll both be dressed as ninjas."
Ava: "I'd want to wear a suit."
Lulu: "A BLACK SUIT!"
Ava: "Not everything has to be black, Lulu."

Yes, Ava. Yes it does.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Orson Wellies (in orbit), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 17:13 (five years ago) link

spent a few minutes alone with my buddy's 18mo old who's learning new words every day. She started coughing for a few seconds and when she was done she looked at me and said "mouth."

gr8080, Tuesday, 27 January 2015 17:37 (five years ago) link

hahahaha

gbx, Wednesday, 28 January 2015 00:17 (five years ago) link

big brother (singing): I'm sexy and I know it.
little sister: I'm sexy and I know it clap my hands.

Had to swoop in there with a few corrective verses of "happy and you know it". Hoping like hell this doesn't make its way back to daycare.

how's life, Wednesday, 28 January 2015 10:09 (five years ago) link

Ava and Lulu are amazing and ^^^ is hilarious

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 28 January 2015 13:12 (five years ago) link

wish my 2yo would start saying some darn things already, still mostly grunting and pointing and glossolalia type stuff

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 28 January 2015 16:47 (five years ago) link

One day, I hope to sit down with my son and ask, "So, what exactly were you talking about all those years?" and hearing full explanations.

pplains, Wednesday, 28 January 2015 16:54 (five years ago) link

This morning, K: "We went in the snow, and we made snowballs, and the big house fell down, and the dog was sad"

It took me a few minutes to realize she was actually reciting the plot of "The Dog Who Stopped the War," which had been playing on the TV over the bar in the restaurant we ate in on Sunday. FWIW, *spoiler alert* the "sad" dog was actually dead.

walid foster dulles (man alive), Wednesday, 28 January 2015 20:44 (five years ago) link

Ben watched the Key and Peele football special and came up with his own surreal set of names:
https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/t31.0-8/10860899_10153095251175152_5107743297424401622_o.jpg

schwantz, Friday, 30 January 2015 17:48 (five years ago) link

dickface!

jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Friday, 30 January 2015 18:14 (five years ago) link

the bluntness of dickface after all those lengthy inscrutable ones is hilarious

jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Friday, 30 January 2015 18:14 (five years ago) link

those are amazing

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 30 January 2015 18:16 (five years ago) link

considering a display name change

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 30 January 2015 18:16 (five years ago) link

incredible

gr8080, Friday, 30 January 2015 18:30 (five years ago) link

"crocodidalelion" is killing me

brain floss mix (sleeve), Friday, 30 January 2015 18:31 (five years ago) link

these are fantastic

axedickheädee bulgeomletry or 2D armpit ftw

WilliamC, Friday, 30 January 2015 18:36 (five years ago) link

2D armpit, I can't even get my mind around that. Or my arm.

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 30 January 2015 18:40 (five years ago) link

I like Fervidaigram Smokesphere.

schwantz, Friday, 30 January 2015 18:58 (five years ago) link

that's a lot of umlauts

Οὖτις, Friday, 30 January 2015 19:01 (five years ago) link

testitoes!

how's life, Friday, 30 January 2015 19:37 (five years ago) link

looks a lot like the tracklisting for drukqs

koogs, Friday, 30 January 2015 20:37 (five years ago) link

You don't understand, änanaäukleese is the name of my Estonian metal band.

club mate martyr (a passing spacecadet), Friday, 30 January 2015 21:50 (five years ago) link

all those should go straight to finest of display names

so not gonna häpna (seandalai), Friday, 30 January 2015 22:47 (five years ago) link

2D Armpit is deeply satisfying

example (crüt), Friday, 30 January 2015 22:50 (five years ago) link

all those should go straight to finest of display names

OTM

parakeetal pancreasface (sleeve), Friday, 30 January 2015 22:52 (five years ago) link

incredible

― gr8080, Friday, January 30, 2015 12:30 PM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i want these on my wall

gbx, Saturday, 31 January 2015 04:12 (five years ago) link

whats with all the umlauts tho

gbx, Saturday, 31 January 2015 04:13 (five years ago) link

Ben got a word-of-the-day calendar with diacritical marking, so I think that's where the umlauts are coming from.

schwantz, Saturday, 31 January 2015 04:20 (five years ago) link

Joey(rooting around in the fridge): Have you seen the mustard? Nevermind, I found it.
Abby: Joey, don’t fuck around.

how's life, Saturday, 31 January 2015 14:23 (five years ago) link

how's life i love your kid, everything she does is cool

kola superdeep borehole (harbl), Saturday, 31 January 2015 14:32 (five years ago) link

she's going to get me into so much trouble one of these days.

how's life, Saturday, 31 January 2015 15:03 (five years ago) link

So much joy in this thread.

On Sunday morning, trying to coach Ava through some probability questions for homework.

Me: Ok, so you have a bowl of ten M&Ms. Four are red, four are blue, two are brown. What are the chances you'll get a brown one?
Ava: Two in ten!
Me: Yes! And now you take an M&M and it's brown. What are the chances of getting another brown one?
Ava: Er, still the same.
Me: No, you have fewer brown M&Ms, and fewer M&Ms in total.
Ava: I still have the brown one in my hand.
Me: Well, just eat it.
(Ava theatrically mimes scoffing a single M&M)
Lulu: We have M&Ms?
Me: No, it's just an example.
Ava: I don't want any more brown ones.
Me: Yes, but for the purposes of this...
Lulu: We have Jaffa Cakes. Do it for real with Jaffa Cakes.
Me: They're not different colours.
Ava: They are when you eat all the chocolate off.
(Lulu heads to cupboard)
NO, NO, NO.

It's only at a distance that it sounds like a neat little sitcom scene rather than the HOURS OF TORTURE that it seemed at the time.

Michael Jones, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 09:40 (five years ago) link

:D

how's life, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 09:43 (five years ago) link

While listening to the Wild Tchoupitoulas' version of Brother John:

Lucy (2.5 y.o.): What's this song called?
Me: Brother John.
Lucy: Like in Robin Hood?

Hydroelectric New Deal Demiurge (B.L.A.M.), Tuesday, 3 February 2015 18:45 (five years ago) link

Also - Pancreasface? Amazing.

Hydroelectric New Deal Demiurge (B.L.A.M.), Tuesday, 3 February 2015 18:46 (five years ago) link

indeed

parakeetal pancreasface (sleeve), Tuesday, 3 February 2015 18:55 (five years ago) link

lol @ 2d armpit

marcos, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 18:59 (five years ago) link

Every night before bed now K gets into our shower stall and yells, repeatedly, "No! Excuse me! Why do you do that stuff, for I don't care!"

walid foster dulles (man alive), Tuesday, 3 February 2015 19:37 (five years ago) link

I like to think of it as a succinct expression of most children's feelings toward their parents.

walid foster dulles (man alive), Tuesday, 3 February 2015 19:38 (five years ago) link

kids write the darndest things:
//c1.staticflickr.com/9/8658/16436517821_4a5ba080d2_c.jpg

V writes a lot lately - stories, lessons for her "class" that she pretends to teach, etc.

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 22:22 (five years ago) link

er
http://c1.staticflickr.com/9/8658/16436517821_4a5ba080d2_c.jpg

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 22:23 (five years ago) link

kinda shocked her peers have exposed her to/are aware of Walking Dead and the Annabelle movies I mean wtf these are 1st graders

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 22:26 (five years ago) link

Yeah. My kids are telling me about Freddy and Jason because one of their classmates has seen those movies. Lotsa shitty parents...

schwantz, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 22:28 (five years ago) link

On the other hand, I described the plot of E.T. for Beeps, hoping she'd want to check it out on a family movie night.

Her response was "So it's a movie about an alien who wants to use the phone. No thanks."

pplains, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 22:30 (five years ago) link

it's just a little naked lady dismemberment, it's all good

xp

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 22:30 (five years ago) link

My wife has 1st/2d graders who have seen Chucky movies, played Grand Theft Auto, etc.

walid foster dulles (man alive), Tuesday, 3 February 2015 22:31 (five years ago) link

it's just a little naked lady dismemberment, it's all good

xp

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, February 3, 2015 5:30 PM (19 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fwiw, when I was a little kid (maybe 6/7) I had a game with a friend where we pretended to kidnap "naked ladies" and then bake them in ovens and eat them. I never saw any of those kinds of movies, no abuse in my past afair, never tortured animals, etc.

walid foster dulles (man alive), Tuesday, 3 February 2015 22:33 (five years ago) link

if someone pvmic's that post I will probably have to seek intensive therapy

walid foster dulles (man alive), Tuesday, 3 February 2015 22:35 (five years ago) link

I had a game with a friend where we pretended to kidnap "naked ladies" and then bake them in ovens and eat them.

this seems vastly different from being exposed to actual violent imagery - ie it's just yr weird kid imagination at work, conflating several half-formed ideas (naked ladies are forbidden, hansel&gretel being baked in the oven by the witch etc.) into harmless play - v different.

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 22:37 (five years ago) link

yeah, seems right. And a lot of these students behave in pretty fucked up ways too -- correlation or causation IDK.

walid foster dulles (man alive), Tuesday, 3 February 2015 22:39 (five years ago) link

pt. 2 (many books have funy parts and saspishas caractors)

//c4.staticflickr.com/8/7297/16436518521_014cb2f87b_n.jpg

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 22:49 (five years ago) link

My little kid has sat in on some of the horror stuff my big kid watches, including quite a bit of Walking Dead. She's remarkably well-behaved, so I'd probably vote for "correlation". It's funny, she can chill out in front of some zombie apocalypse without batting an eye (usually), but will turn around and get freaked out about an Alvin and the Chipmunks episode.

OTOH, when my son was 6, he had a neighborhood friend who wandered over one day with a DVD of Saw, asking if we could watch it. That kid was messed up, but it was all family stuff.

how's life, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 23:17 (five years ago) link

rooted in family stuff.

how's life, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 23:18 (five years ago) link

she can chill out in front of some zombie apocalypse without batting an eye (usually), but will turn around and get freaked out about an Alvin and the Chipmunks episode

haha yeah this kind of thing is totally otm. stuff you would expect to scare them can just go right by them, and then they scared by something completely innocuous instead

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 23:21 (five years ago) link

which is not to say I would advocate watching Saw...

how old is yr little kid?

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 23:22 (five years ago) link

4. Yeah, we're not watching Saw. And usually I make my 10 year old save the horror movies for after his sister goes to bed, but she's definitely seen some Walking Dead, some Grimm, some particularly intense episodes of Dr. Who, etc. Probably a couple horror movies, but I'm pressed to think of any right now. We watched Godzilla as a family last weekend. That was kinda intense. But I think the key to any of this is just being there for your kids, not forcing them to watch something that gets to be too much for them, and making sure to discuss it as a family. The differences between scary movies and real violence. Let them know about behaviors in the movie that you wouldn't approve of irl, etc.

how's life, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 23:29 (five years ago) link

I hope there was a long digression about how Godzilla was born out of Japan's need to culturally deal with the psychological (and physical) fallout of the atomic bombs at Nagasaki/Hiroshima and that Godzilla symbolizes these latent fears and ambivalence about nuclear power. also smashing things.

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 23:40 (five years ago) link

It ended up being more of a digression about why a movie-maker might feel the need to not focus on the monster throughout the entire movie, but tbh I too felt that they were spending way too much time on Aaron Taylor-Johnson's character and not enough on smashing things.

how's life, Wednesday, 4 February 2015 01:08 (five years ago) link

It's only at a distance that it sounds like a neat little sitcom scene rather than the HOURS OF TORTURE that it seemed at the time.

qft

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 4 February 2015 01:20 (five years ago) link

my coworker told me that his daughter will sit through all of Nightmare Before Christmas including Ooogie Boogie but is super scared when the train goes through the tunnel in Polar Express

<3

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 4 February 2015 03:27 (five years ago) link

Bunnicula!

tokyo rosemary, Thursday, 5 February 2015 03:19 (five years ago) link

ME: So you know who Abraham Lincoln was?

BEEPS: Yes. He's on the penny and he was shot in the back of the head...

ME: Um yeah. That's about it.

BEEPS: …while watching a show.

pplains, Thursday, 12 February 2015 15:11 (five years ago) link

loooool

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 12 February 2015 19:49 (five years ago) link

K: I like strawberry juice. I like raspberry juice. I like apple juice. I like all-of-thee-bove!

walid foster dulles (man alive), Tuesday, 17 February 2015 20:12 (five years ago) link

In the middle of the night: "Oh, balls, I need to go to the potty."

as verbose and purple as a Peter Ustinov made of plums (James Morrison), Wednesday, 18 February 2015 02:14 (five years ago) link

irl lol

about a dozen duck supporters (carl agatha), Wednesday, 18 February 2015 02:39 (five years ago) link

"Oh, balls" is just a hilarious expression anyway, and a little kid in the middle of the night saying "Oh balls, I need to go to the potty" is killing me.

about a dozen duck supporters (carl agatha), Wednesday, 18 February 2015 02:41 (five years ago) link

and who among us has not awoken in the middle of the night, realized we had to go potty, and thought, "Oh balls."

about a dozen duck supporters (carl agatha), Wednesday, 18 February 2015 02:42 (five years ago) link

I can't stop giggling. That is the best.

ljubljana, Wednesday, 18 February 2015 04:27 (five years ago) link

XD

how's life, Wednesday, 18 February 2015 09:26 (five years ago) link

I walk into the bathroom where the girls are in bath.
Me: "Oh come on, how did all this water get on the floor?"
Ava: "Is that a rhetorical question?"

Michael Jones, Sunday, 22 February 2015 22:24 (four years ago) link

lol

walid foster dulles (man alive), Sunday, 22 February 2015 23:03 (four years ago) link

"you look kinda badass, dad. from a distance."

how's life, Sunday, 22 February 2015 23:48 (four years ago) link

I walk into the bathroom where the girls are in bath.
Me: "Oh come on, how did all this water get on the floor?"
Ava: "Is that a rhetorical question?"

https://calvinandhobbesagain.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/19851227.gif

Plasmon, Monday, 23 February 2015 02:21 (four years ago) link

Ava's version is better.

Plasmon, Monday, 23 February 2015 02:21 (four years ago) link

My son, while watching a movie:

"It's not fair! The bad guys always lose!"

silverfish, Monday, 23 February 2015 18:05 (four years ago) link

"Daddy, what happened to your life?"

walid foster dulles (man alive), Monday, 23 February 2015 18:06 (four years ago) link

"Dad, you look pretty bad-ass...from a distance."

how's life, Monday, 23 February 2015 18:27 (four years ago) link

Dad, you double-posted that one

walid foster dulles (man alive), Monday, 23 February 2015 18:28 (four years ago) link

lol. shit.

how's life, Monday, 23 February 2015 18:28 (four years ago) link

When Henry wants me to put my arm around him he now says 'Put a seatbelt on me, Mama!'

smoochy-woochy touchy-wouchy, (sunny successor), Thursday, 26 February 2015 15:50 (four years ago) link

:)

schwantz, Thursday, 26 February 2015 17:37 (four years ago) link

That is adorable.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 26 February 2015 17:56 (four years ago) link

oh that's so cute.

how's life, Thursday, 26 February 2015 18:18 (four years ago) link

omg

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 26 February 2015 20:23 (four years ago) link

3-yo looking at match attax card of arteta

me: "that's mikel arteta! he's spanish. he plays for arsenal"

3-yo says "he's rubbish" and does a no-look toss of the card over his shoulder

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 4 March 2015 21:51 (four years ago) link

looool

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 4 March 2015 22:21 (four years ago) link

6-yo, pointing to bath:

"that tap is bare old, man"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 5 March 2015 21:04 (four years ago) link

More religious brainwashing

K told my wife that two of her blocks were "Standing up for God" (she actually said "Hashem" which makes it funnier if you understand the cultural milieu), and that one of them was "Lying down because he didn't want to."

five six and (man alive), Friday, 6 March 2015 19:46 (four years ago) link

public school can't come soon enough

five six and (man alive), Friday, 6 March 2015 20:03 (four years ago) link

lol

Οὖτις, Friday, 6 March 2015 20:42 (four years ago) link

haha!

daughter made me almost cry when she announced very seriously that our recently deceased cat is now "walking around in my heart." (awwww)

tylerw, Friday, 6 March 2015 20:50 (four years ago) link

:(

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 6 March 2015 21:26 (four years ago) link

but <3

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 6 March 2015 21:26 (four years ago) link

"Daddy, I have a question."
"Yes?"
"Why do I have so many questions?"

droit au butt (Euler), Saturday, 7 March 2015 03:46 (four years ago) link

irl lol

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Saturday, 7 March 2015 04:20 (four years ago) link

lmao

gr8080, Monday, 9 March 2015 00:26 (four years ago) link

My elder son is doing Grease as his school play, says he thinks the music is terrible, especially the song about Tommy Moore.

we reward the hake (NickB), Tuesday, 10 March 2015 20:41 (four years ago) link

bahahaha

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 10 March 2015 20:46 (four years ago) link

Poor kids.

Jeff, Tuesday, 10 March 2015 20:49 (four years ago) link

Tommy Moore - how much dough did he spend?

pplains, Tuesday, 10 March 2015 21:05 (four years ago) link

It took me far too long to figure this out, but now I am a'lolin'.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Tuesday, 10 March 2015 21:19 (four years ago) link

haw!

I'm so pissed off that my kid's elementary school doesn't have any theater in it at all. I remember there being school plays all the way back to 1st grade. They were miserable for me, but my son's such a ham. It seems like he'd be a natural fit.

how's life, Tuesday, 10 March 2015 22:16 (four years ago) link

:/

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 10 March 2015 22:39 (four years ago) link

"dad, have you ever been drunk?"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 10 March 2015 22:39 (four years ago) link

what do you even

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 10 March 2015 22:39 (four years ago) link

"Yes"

Jeff, Tuesday, 10 March 2015 22:43 (four years ago) link

yep my kids are at the age when they're juuuuuust about ready to ask about whether we've done drugs. we crossed the "have you ever been drunk" threshold a long time ago.

droit au butt (Euler), Wednesday, 11 March 2015 09:41 (four years ago) link

"How do you think we had you?"

They screen-printed a T-shirt for me one birthday with a camera and a bottle of beer on it. :/

In a north Liverpool suburb at the weekend we were on our way to a 9th birthday party when we passed half a chocolate cake, abandoned on the pavement, presumably at the spot it slipped from someone's grasp.

Ava: "I hope that's not Abi's."
Me: "It's like that song... (singing or "singing") 'Someone left a cake out in the rain / And I don't think that I can take it / Cos it took so long to bake it / And I'll never have the recipe againnnnn'"
Ava: (laughing) "What is THAT? That is ridiculous. You made that up."
Me: "It's a famous Jimmy Webb song! Look..." (gets the Richard Harris version up on YouTube)
Ava and Lulu listen to a few verses, we get to the line...
Ava: "Oh, that is just YOU. You recorded that and put your voice through...a thing."
Me: "It's real! It's Richard Harris! There are strings and... I mean, why would I even..."
Ava: "You're ridiculous, Daddy."

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 09:47 (four years ago) link

(Anyway, the outcome of this is that I've just ordered A Tramp Shining in time to blow their minds Friday evening).

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 10:09 (four years ago) link

Ha. I wouldn't believe it either.

how's life, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 10:19 (four years ago) link

Haha. That would be a pretty sweet "dad" move to pull on some kids, recording your own YouTubes.

Beeps was asking me one time at the drive-thru window on the way home, "Why do we always have to stop at the liquor store?"

And I say, "Because it's the only place between school and home where I can buy beer without getting out of the car. I don't want you two loose in a liquor store."

She says, "Well it doesn't have alcohol in your beer, does it?"

I just turn around and look at her, "Of course, it has alcohol. Why else would I be drinking it?"

It's fun sometimes to ruin things like Red Ribbon Week.

pplains, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 13:34 (four years ago) link

Oh jeez, we don't have a drive-through liquor store around here. Bringing my kids in with me to buy beer is always nerve-wracking. Just thinking about all the stuff they knock over and break at home.

how's life, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 13:36 (four years ago) link

Liquor store still one of the few places around that stack fragile items like vodka bottles in a display on the floor, like it's Seamus' General Goods or something.

pplains, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 13:39 (four years ago) link

We're basically raising Ivy at the bar on the corner so I don't think the conversation about being drunk will be too difficult.

I'm more worried about the conversation about drugs, particularly when she's older because I am definitely taking a "do as I say, not as I did" stance on them.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Wednesday, 11 March 2015 14:37 (four years ago) link

Me: You’ve been working very hard today, but like your mother.
A: I’m hard! *pause* Hard to take care of!

how's life, Thursday, 12 March 2015 00:43 (four years ago) link

(Kicks me in the man-boob)

"I think you're my mom."

how's life, Monday, 16 March 2015 00:34 (four years ago) link

convo between my 5 year old and her (christian) friend, who mentioned that god created the world.
Daughter: "What? No, the MOON created the world."
Friend: "No, it was Jesus..."
Daughter: "No! There was a big rock in space and... I don't know, but it wasn't a GUY!"

tylerw, Wednesday, 18 March 2015 21:30 (four years ago) link

High five, daughter.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Wednesday, 18 March 2015 21:39 (four years ago) link

not sure about the moon thing...

tylerw, Wednesday, 18 March 2015 21:53 (four years ago) link

Seems as plausible as friend's theory.

Jeff, Wednesday, 18 March 2015 22:37 (four years ago) link

Nice.

a cocoanut rink (how's life), Wednesday, 18 March 2015 22:54 (four years ago) link

Haha awesome

smoochy-woochy touchy-wouchy, (sunny successor), Thursday, 19 March 2015 00:27 (four years ago) link

so good

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 19 March 2015 01:20 (four years ago) link

Me: You’ve been working very hard today, but like your mother.
A: I’m hard! *pause* /Hard to take care of!/

I love this

gbx, Friday, 20 March 2015 16:50 (four years ago) link

"but like your mother" should be "just like..." in that exchange. They had spent the afternoon doing yard work together.

how's life, Friday, 20 March 2015 16:56 (four years ago) link

Yard to take care of

kinder, Friday, 20 March 2015 19:04 (four years ago) link

one month passes...

"If the sun had a butt it could poo on the itsy-bitsy spider".

everything, Saturday, 25 April 2015 19:43 (four years ago) link

Hahahaha

smoochy-woochy touchy-wouchy, (sunny successor), Sunday, 26 April 2015 02:24 (four years ago) link

Excellent counterfactual thinking!

ljubljana, Sunday, 26 April 2015 02:39 (four years ago) link

"Would you like some of this for dinner?"
"What is it?"
"Pumpkin soup"
In tones of stunned awe: "Pumpkin soup? Pumpkin SOUP? What are you TALKING about?!!"

as verbose and purple as a Peter Ustinov made of plums (James Morrison), Wednesday, 29 April 2015 04:52 (four years ago) link

I'm having an IRL giggle fit. Pumpkin soup???!? The hell you say!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Wednesday, 29 April 2015 04:53 (four years ago) link

I'd feel the same way.

Jeff, Wednesday, 29 April 2015 10:59 (four years ago) link

Well goddamm, pumpkin soup. What next, a cake made out of CHEESE?

pplains, Wednesday, 29 April 2015 13:19 (four years ago) link

And on Sunday we were at a christening, so in a church, and Ella starts patting my wife's jacket. "I like your jacket, Mummy." Long pause, then very loudly: "I can feel you have BOOBS!"

as verbose and purple as a Peter Ustinov made of plums (James Morrison), Wednesday, 29 April 2015 23:26 (four years ago) link

omg

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 30 April 2015 06:19 (four years ago) link

ime boobs are a very important ~~imaginary~~ of young girls

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 30 April 2015 06:20 (four years ago) link

Stupendous :)

Madchen, Thursday, 30 April 2015 07:41 (four years ago) link

this is amazing

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, 7 May 2015 14:54 (four years ago) link

[teaching 4 and 5 year olds about herbi-/carni-/omnivores]

kid: "which ones is a cat?"
me: "let's think about it. what do cats eat?"
kid: "creme de la creme"

jello my future biafriend (roxymuzak), Friday, 8 May 2015 16:55 (four years ago) link

!!!

as verbose and purple as a Peter Ustinov made of plums (James Morrison), Wednesday, 13 May 2015 04:30 (four years ago) link

from my 10 year old nephew the other day:

"Last night I dreamed that my mother was pregnant and also that I was able to whistle!"

silverfish, Wednesday, 13 May 2015 14:56 (four years ago) link

two weeks pass...

A friend's four, almost five-year-old came home and told her dad, "Smell my vulva. It smells wonderful."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Sunday, 31 May 2015 16:11 (four years ago) link

O_O

also lol

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 31 May 2015 18:04 (four years ago) link

O_O is a good approximation of her dad's reaction.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Sunday, 31 May 2015 18:36 (four years ago) link

Well did it?

jk

schwantz, Sunday, 31 May 2015 21:18 (four years ago) link

Just want to indicate that that was not my child.

Immediate Follower (NA), Monday, 1 June 2015 14:36 (four years ago) link

It was not! I'd never scoop you like that.