I know we usually talk about wee ones here but I thought it'd be nice to have a thread about parenting les ados.
― droit au butt (Euler), Friday, 26 September 2014 15:33 (five years ago) link
ok there's one thing I wanted to ask about. we see from my ado boy's browser history that he's, uh, growing up. any thoughts on how to handle this? my feeling (based on having been an adolescent boy) is to say nothing and move along; in fact my first reaction was "heyyyyyy that's my boy!". but I dunno. thoughts?
― droit au butt (Euler), Friday, 26 September 2014 15:35 (five years ago) link
ymmv with Dan Savage but this is a pretty good thing he wrote for teenage boys before he decided trans people were the enemy:
― sleeve, Friday, 26 September 2014 15:54 (five years ago) link
based on my own experiences and things I've witnessed other moms do: DO NOT have his mom review his porn habits with him
― Οὖτις, Friday, 26 September 2014 16:39 (five years ago) link
in general I would say beyond making sure he doesn't fuck up his computer and understanding that porn (for the most part) is not really representative of how actual people have actual sex there isn't much to be gained from having some kind of confrontation w him about it
― Οὖτις, Friday, 26 September 2014 16:40 (five years ago) link
when an appropriate window opened personally i wd talk to him about the skeevy and misogynist aspects of the porn industry i think
― Chimp Arsons, Friday, 26 September 2014 16:46 (five years ago) link
teach him how to use incognito mode/delete history
― Mordy, Friday, 26 September 2014 16:47 (five years ago) link
You could just casually remark to him that porn has about the same relationship to actual sex as roadrunner cartoons have to desert ecology. He can fill in from there.
― Aimless, Friday, 26 September 2014 16:48 (five years ago) link
my son is only 2 but i imagine this will come up for me in 10 years or so. i think it is a difficult balance between:
1) sending him the right message about porn, such as a) porn isn't necessarily realistic; b) it can be sexist, racist, and misogynistic; c) it can be used either as a healthy expression of sexual curiosity or as an unhealthy venue for escape, and that it's good to be mindful of what's driving you to look at it
2) not embarrassing him or violating his privacy
― marcos, Friday, 26 September 2014 16:56 (five years ago) link
the other thing we did w/our good friend's adolescent (this was after she busted him for going to www dot F**ckthebabys!tter dot com at age 12 or so) was give her a hard copy of The Joy Of Sex that she just left lying around the house for him to check out
― sleeve, Friday, 26 September 2014 16:58 (five years ago) link
yeah I don't know what I would have done with the internet at 12. I had Showtime in my room at that age and watched a lot of Emmanuelle so I can guess.
really he's looking for tame stuff now, kinda Sears catalog level. but I'm thinking ahead
― droit au butt (Euler), Friday, 26 September 2014 18:19 (five years ago) link
yea like i said i don't have adolescents but i think i might lean more towards the "let's talk about this" track than the "i'm going to mind my own business" track. there are tons of shit that my folks didn't want to talk to me about, mostly b/c of their own fear. if i did talk to them, i would've been met with disappointment, shame, and anger. i had my privacy but what i really needed was compassion, empathy, guidance, and support. this goes for porn, drugs, relationships, etc.
― marcos, Friday, 26 September 2014 18:28 (five years ago) link
I have no advice and for that you should be grateful but funny how all you guys made the instant and correct interp of "growing up". I would've assumed some kind of IRL interest was involved bcz pr0n has generally bored me from a tender age. At 12 or 13 I mostly had the shirtless college guy cutting the lawn to look at.
(My bff's teenage son friended me on Facebook a couple years back and I hid his feed almost immediately cuz no, i do not need to read that kinda discourse.)
― son of a lewd monk (Dr Morbius), Friday, 26 September 2014 18:33 (five years ago) link