people that YELP are scumbags

"0 Friends"

and his first review did not indicate what was to come:

"Great food, generous portions, inattentive waitstaff."

They seem to be getting longer and longer.

his el greco diner one is grate

http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/v226/761/1/n293700085_1991.jpg

http://static1.px.yelp.com/static/20091022/i/new/ico/stars/stars_map.png

lol that didn't work right

yelp party photos are pretty hilarious imo

i meant to post something here a couple weeks ago and now i can't find it. not even sure it was actually yelp.

someone wrote on a review of an ethiopian restaurant "i thought i would like this because i have had nigerian food and really enjoyed it." lol :(

sounds like yelp to me : /

After repeatedly telling friends I didn't want to celebrate my birthday... I crawled out from under my rock and met them out for an impromptu drink anyway. Liquid Kitty and bartender Damien... thanks for getting celebrations off to a merciless start. The low lighting, loud music, vintage porn, friendly bartenders and drink specials...

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday extreme specials:

$3 Low Lifes = well shot and PBR
$5 medium cocktails... what ever that means
$2 PBR

- friendly locals bar
- metered street parking free after 6pm
- great specials, strong drinks
- wide range of specialty cocktails
- dark bar... did I mention loud?
- there's a back table available for a group of 15 or so
- bar was at 70% capacity on a Tuesday night, with 2 booths or so left. Start here then move else where.

Well, 27 better show me something .... or I will destroy it. Wait. What...

I need 4 advils... stat.

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what ever that means

jesus christ

http://valleywag.gawker.com/5397344/yelp%20fight-participant-i-was-trying-to-apologize

Has there already been a Yelp-centered Law & Order episode?

fwiw that lady just spent 3 days jail on 5150 watch. she is 1000% cuckoo, she used to have a bookstore in west portal that i went to once... seriously bonkers.

Has there already been a Yelp-centered Law & Order episode?

― Elvis Telecom, Thursday, November 5, 2009 3:20 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark

kind of! but it was like yelp+4chan+redstate. +schizophrenia iirc

i feel like at this point most people i know have written a review or two on yelp, usually along the lines of, "This place had pretty good food, I recommend it. Parking sucks, though." i think the intolerable ones are the ones whose lives revolve around the site.

i use yelp all the time to be totally honest its just that i become filled with a seething hatred for the human race every time

i think the site is 98% normal folks using it and 2% awful human beings getting all culty about it.

*casually using it

i dunno man like two-thirds of the reviews clock in at like three paragraphs which doesnt scream "casual use" to me

someone reviewed a lake.

i guess i was thinking about people who use it as a guide but don't actually write any reviews.

Echo Park Lake
4 star rating
based on 57 reviews

reviewing lakes is funny to me

someone reviewed a grave

i'm going to start yelping my bus rides

― Mr. Que, Friday, March 13, 2009 9:00 PM (7 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

never did this

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=smRRcUJeSnlwXc7k1JB6Kw

can i yelp my own house?

Salut

Categories: French, American (New)
3 star rating
11/4/2009
I live a few blocks from here and have only been a few times in 2 years. The main reason I don't like going back? The D-bag bartender who takes his role of "French" restaurant employee a little to much to heart. I went to France this summer for vacation and only ran into one server that equaled this pretentious bastard.

The food is good, and their specials are almost always convincing enough to get you to leave the menu for the greener pastures of the daily creation (short ribs were fantastic). This was also the first place I've ever had raw oysters and I continue to eat them today. They were great.

But that bartender. I get kinda angry just seeing him behind the bar when I bypass it for the restaurant. If you ever go, you'll know who he is by how he actively ignores all but the most attractive of the Edina cougar set. Lose him, and I'd give this place another star in a heartbeat.

If that bartender should ever happen to read this, dude, be less douche-y. You know who you are.

fwiw that lady just spent 3 days jail on 5150 watch. she is 1000% cuckoo, she used to have a bookstore in west portal that i went to once... seriously bonkers.

― ♪♫(●̲̲̅̅̅̅=̲̲̅̅̅̅●̲̅̅)♪♫ (Steve Shasta), Thursday, November 5, 2009 10:29 AM Bookmark Suggest Ban

no shit, the bookstore that was by Radioshack? I used to hang out there before it closed...

everything about this is insane

The Burger Place

Category: American (Traditional)
4 star rating
11/3/2009
Good burgers for a good price. They have a large menu of specialty burgers and it's a quick lunch with tasty food. Everyone is friendly and the place is always busy at lunch.

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=ebC_pH92K4uxyDenoXb5bg

The Corner Office Restaurant and Martini Bar

Categories: Bars, American (New)
Neighborhoods: Northwest, CBD
2 star rating
10/16/2009
We went here for drinks before dinner, and it was OK. I can't find a drink menu online (Flash isn't working), so bear with me on the drink descriptions.

My friend recommended the Pimm's, but they were out of cucumber. I chose a pear-champagne cocktail, which was syrupy sweet and not shaken/cold enough for my taste. It was hard to finish. Others ranged from my level of satisfaction (Red Bull / Orange SKYY was also too sweet) to actually satisfied (straight whiskey) with their drinks. At $9 a pop, I expected a bit more - more fanfare, more quality liquor (mine was made with SKYY), better taste.

protip, if you don't want something sweet, don't get a) pear-champagne cocktail or b) red bull and orange vodka.

more fanfare?

he wanted people to applaud him for drinking a pear-champagne cocktail

it's a lady.

btw any yelp review that says a restaurant is in a neighborhood that is a little bit "ghetto" is probably just referring to the fact that it's located in a middle-class hispanic area.

^^^ this applies to pretty much anything anyone uses 'ghetto' for most of the time. it's pretty
rare that saying ghetto doesn't immediately render a person despicable

great thread

i'll fucking murder a yelp reviewer

when my friend worked at a pizza place, a yelper once called him "insouciant" in a review (just thinking about this makes me lol irl)

they were like "The insouciant host was not concerned that there were pizza crusts on the floor" or whatever

he texts me fake yelp reviews all the time and it fuckin slays me, i wish i saved them or something

uh, excuse me, i need more chinese five spice infused ranch dipping sauce for my wanton venison poppers?

the "unreliable narrator" is a yelp constant, as was mentioned upthread

hey yall here's the worst yelper

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=F6wPcddxMJL8D8uX0t-GJw

"This place is a god damn dump. The food was poorly made and looked like they sloped turky on there. they did not even cut the sandwich. this place is dirty as hell. the works are ignorant."

oh man fuckin goldmine here:

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=GY9LJaxKP7tXlxExBE1J_Q

rvws are all in a sqrl police/marissa stylee + "indie girl in comedy moustache" userpic

there's a review of a party. a yelp party. five stars.

lol canks i thought the first couple said "did not eat here" and i was like, ok, that's kind of great

Today will be the last time i will go there. They have joined the group of restaurants that has tacked on a 4% fee to cover restaurant worker health care. This is disclosed in an italic font in the middle of the menu, probably so you will skip over it.

UGH HEALTH CARE FOR THE WORKING CLASS? NOT ON MY WATCH

Eye Carumba Optometry

Category: Optometrists
Neighborhood: Financial District
1 star rating
3/25/2009
recepitionist is dumb and rude

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review of the day:

Allen C.

Los Angeles, CA
6/2/2009
5 star rating
Bottega Louie

Still LOVE Bottega Louie!! But this is an OMG update. So, after work, I'm on a mission to buy some Famima goods in Downtown before heading home. Then I see Bottega Louie. So of course I decided to stop by for some deli case items for din din. I'm standing there at the counter and a sweet employee comes up to me holding a tray of all kinds of cookies and other goodies. She asks me if I need anything and positions the tray in front of my face. I look at her and say "yes, I think I'm going to get some of these things (pointing to deli case)" and then I look at the tray and say, "oooh, can I get one of those cookies" and before she can say anything, I reach for a cookie and pop it in my mouth. She looks at me funny and says, "yeah of course you can have one". Anyway, I purchase my block of mac n' cheese, a quiche lorraine, and 5 macarons. Then it dawns upon me. She was holding a BAKING TRAY!! They WEREN'T samples!! She was bringing the baked goods to the back!! I JUST STOLE A COOKIE FROM BOTTEGA LOUIE!! That would explain the whispers and snickers behind the counter. I think I'm turning red. I hate myself.

Oh, btw, the mac n' cheese was a little pricey, but very good. The quiche lorraine was perfect and of course, I can never say anything bad about the macarons. Okay, there, an official review.

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hey yall here's the worst yelper

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=F6wPcddxMJL8D8uX0t-GJw

"This place is a god damn dump. The food was poorly made and looked like they sloped turky on there. they did not even cut the sandwich. this place is dirty as hell. the works are ignorant."

― spergliacci (cankles), Thursday, November 5, 2009 2:25 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i think u mean this is the best yelper

what a stud!

Mike N.

Los Angeles, CA
6/11/2009
4 star rating
Floyd's Barbershop

Me dating multiple women is like a circus summer intern trying to spin dinner plates on wooden sticks for the very first time. It's an extremely wobbly system and sooner or later a plate (most often all plates) is/are going to fall off its honeymoon and shatter into a million pieces. And every once in a while the flying shrapnel will ricochet off the ground and lodge in that intern's jugular pumping its toxic karma into the poor soul. A poison with such retribution that any future attempts to even balance one plate will result in disaster with ceramic debris falling next to the fading beats of the intern's dying heart.

That is why I can only date, see, hang out, talk to one girl at a time. To the very disdain of my friends who suggest I will end up with many a shattered basket of eggs. I can only give a yolk covered shrug.

Which leads to my recent and first trip to Floyd's and the anxiety of trying to balance more than one barber. (Floyd's happens to be a lot closer then my regular barber). Leslie cut my hair. She did a pretty great job at it too. I could tell she didn't really want to comply to my request of only using scissors. The annoyed look as she put the electric clippers back down had me worried she would impale me with her blackened karma tipped blades. Thankfully she didn't and finished the job as I had envisioned it.

After tip I paid $25 if I remember correctly. I'm sorry to have to say ""I think we should just be friends" to my old barber, but I think Leslie will be my new go to gal. *Takes plate off the spindle and sets it firmly on the table*

-came in early Saturday and was in and out the door within 40 min
-metered lot parking at the back
-the music doesn't match the visual vibe (personal opinion)
-plenty of magazines to read while you wait
-nice warm straight blade shave for the back of your neck
-electric massage for the shoulders seems forced and kind of awkward

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like im all for the democratization of publishing and criticism or whatever but for the most part there are good reasons why jonathan gold is winning pulitzers and getting published and mott_the_hoople420 is not

― max, Thursday, February 26, 2009 2:27 PM (8 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

weedgoku69, america's next poet laureate