Depression and what it's really like

Anyway, because of that, it's really important to me to have close friends outside of family/romantic relationships, so that I don't feel alone or dependent on ties to only a few people. My grandmother was the typical post-war housewife, and outside of her family, she had nothing - no real relationships with others, no means of supporting herself, etc.

What can a hospital do for you if you are in that kind of state?

I'm not asking rhetorically or cynically (though I am probably suspicious due to experiences) but genuinely want to know - I don't know. In the hopes it might be helpful?

I suppose I could just call my doctor and go and say "I'm depressed as fuck - this is a bad one" but what's he gonna do but fuck with my medication, and I don't have the sick time left if it goes wrong. I read that page Abbott recommended, and I suppose I need to follow some of the suggestions there - things I know do work, but I forget when I'm in the thick of it.

-get some more light, leave the house/basement office, stand in the sunshine even if I hate it

-do some light exercise, even if it's just getting on the machine for five minutes, it's better than nothing

I'll do that for a week, and if it hasn't started to lift, I'll go to the doctor.

I think as far as hospitalization goes - it's something if you can't take care of yourself (eat, clean, go to work, etc.) or as was mentioned upthread, if you're likely to try to take your own life.

well for me "going into the hospital" has always been the sort of thing where it's gone beyond "having the sick time." it's a point where work and everything else seems...not even secondary or tertiary. just not even on the game board anymore. i'm not recommending it as a first step at all.

That's what I like abt that site is she has you think abt what works for you when you're doing ok & then you have this checklist of things you know you need to do when you're so thick in it you can't think or see.

I suppose it's a good sign that I can still drag myself to work, even if I have been spending a good proportion of the day weeping in the loo. I haven't been that down as Strongo describes since I started this job. I was there in the last job, though. Got through that with booze, I'm sorry to say.

yeah, Abbott - I know all of those things on that list, there's nothing there I don't know. But it's stuff that I *forget* that it is there, or that it works. Or think "no, I'm too far gone for that" but then I remember it really is those little things that get you back from too far gone to hanging in there again.

I always fantasize abt getting hit by a car to have some 'sick time.' If I went to the hospital here w/a (mental/emotional) problem they'd cuff me to the bed, shove me full of atavan (sp?), charge me $500+ and kick me out. That's just here in Las Cruces, tho, YMMV obviously. No one can get on your case about getting hit by a car.

Got through that with booze, I'm sorry to say.

this.

I've been using way more alcohol than normal ;_;

Kate, I can't remember from previous posts, but how do you feel about counselling/talk therapy/etc? The westminster pastoral foundation - http://www.wpf.org.uk/ - has a network of places that focus on affordable counselling, both short and long term, which might not be immediately useful if you're at the worst of a slump but could be useful in making it manageable.

overuse of 'useful' there, marvellous.

Couldn't even do booze this time. In fact, booze was what brought this on, had a few whiskies and ended up having a twitter meltdown and broadcasting to the world that I wanted to die. :-( Still depressed and now everyone I know thinks I'm an attention seeking brat.

I have been on the mental health treadmill for 25+ years. At this point, there really isn't anything that any other counsellor could ever say to me or talk me through that would make a difference.

Sometimes I think maybe group therapy would be useful - because it's the isolation that is killing, and the way that "normal people" who have no experience with bipolar disorder just DO. NOT. UNDERSTAND. what the fuck it is like. That maybe talking to other people who go through this on a regular basis would be more helpful.

has anyone here had any good experiences with group therapy or support groups at all?

i have to say group therapy freaks me out far more than going to a hospital.

Why? How is it really any different to a thread like this, but without trolls and board lawyers watching?

because i'm a writer and more naturally inclined to type than to talk?

Makes sense, OK.

I just find that social isolation is one of my biggest problems, and one of the biggest triggers. Writing on the internet, for me (YMMV) often makes me feel more isolated, not less.

I'm just putting this link here to investigate tomorrow when I have a decent connection, it's the British Manic Depressive Fellowship - sorry, Bipolar Organisation.

http://www.mdf.org.uk/

For a support group to function, most of the members need to be fairly functional, or they can't offer much support. So, I guess this is a way of saying YMMV. I think that any if a group defined as in "group therapy", the chances are greater that most members of the group are currently a mess.

fwiw, a relative of mine's in group therapy and from what she's said I didn't get the impression that it was a group where most were a mess. The problem she was bringing was mostly related to workplace bullying and attendant depression, and it sounded like she got a lot out of talking it out with her group, which suggests to me that the people in it were either pretty functional or at least pretty good at being functional for the purposes of the group.

Group therapy: if it sucks, at least you can be taken out of your own inner world for a while by the distraction of what a dipshit everyone else is. Sort of like this Onion article. I've never done group therapy but I think it might be helpful. Ideally in the part of town that isn't the cottage industry of methlabs.

... uh oh.

oh?

yeah this

shit

in september i'm starting an 8-week, cbt-based group therapy program (more goal-oriented than traditional group therapy, so probably not as much aimless whining). my insurance is paying for it, so it couldn't hurt to give it a shot.

but my depression has been okay lately. it's a cliche but the california sun has been good for me.

whatever it takes, good luck with it jody

and if they don't work out doc robert is still on the case jody HE GOT YOU
http://rawstory.com/rs/2010/0819/study-touts-horse-tranquilizer-ketamine-magic-antidepressant/

mine is employment-based, with the revelation that the temp gig i've been in for 3+ weeks might not last 4.

i was laid off for a couple months this year, i dont think i got depressed but i had plenty of panic attacks. i manufacture blind optimism but that was running out gradually. not sure therapy would help for a circumstance-based thing like that but i don't know much about that type of thing tbh.

are you with a temp agency or freelance? prospects?

I'm with several. The irritation is that this is the 2nd gig this summer that abruptly ended.

Life may be pointless but that doesn't mean it's meaningless.

I did join a gym today, so maybe that will help.

Kingfish I feel you man. I'm in the same boat atm and it's awful. I don't even have any temp agency prospects right now. Debating taking my MA off my resume and just applying for some retail jobs because fuck I need to do SOMETHING.

re, employment-based depressions: i am with a temp agency. several, actually. they give me no work. at the same time, i have bills, which accumulate. perhaps you see the way in which these two factors contribute to my ever increasing anxiety, depression, negative ideation, etc. i compensate by means of avoidance, but this has proved surprisingly unsuccessful. which leaves, ummm, the precipice? always the precipice. yikes...

I mean Kingfish, you know how many pictures/anecdotes I post on FB and here of my freakin' dog? Don't get me wrong, he's totally the best, but part of the reason I seem so Benson obsessed is because I spend more time with him than with any humans! If I didn't force myself to like shower and get dressed every day I'd probably just be in bed 24/7. At least the couch isn't technically the bed. UGH.

Oh I heard something fantastic from a temp agency recently. They have so many applicants that they're only dealing with ppl who have direct admin experience during the last 6 mo. I've been unemployed for 4 and my job before that was not an administrative position so . . . they are not considering me at all right now despite the nearly TEN YEARS of admin experience I have under my belt.

but we all love your dog!

My idea was just to expand the pool of recruiters to call, and then hit them up each 1x a week, and check their sites, etc etc etc

They have so many applicants that they're only dealing with ppl who have direct admin experience during the last 6 mo. I've been unemployed for 4 and my job before that was not an administrative position so . . . they are not considering me at all right now despite the nearly TEN YEARS of admin experience I have under my belt.

familiar w this pattern

But don't make a mistake; i still have massive, MASSIVE issues with anger and resentment over this stuff. Also deals with my level of education & experience vs the gigs available.

Since I have no clear target, I turn this shit inward.

If I didn't force myself to like shower and get dressed every day I'd probably just be in bed 24/7

I have a big family get together at weekend that i was supposed to go to. I've told them i don't want to and now they're disappoint.
I don't want to be surrounded by people who are all jolly and asking me "how's it going" and "have i found work yet, it's all i ever seem to get asked and i'm sick of saying "fine" and "oh nothing yet, but something will pop up".

you can derail the conversation though onto topics you'd prefer to talk about. that's fun sometimes.

Last day was today. Feeling kinda okay. Landlady understood when I told her about it and how i'd only be able to pay 1/2 the rent on time. It helped that I fixed her & her husband's wireless printer. They then invited me back down for dinner tonight.

Already have an appt with a recruiter tomorrow morn. Since what you think determines what you feel, I really did do the repeated affirmation/mantra thing for a little while, and it helps.

ENBB, note that if I had a pug, I be fuckin' wandering around town with him peaking out of my backpack like he was guiding my Jedi training or some shit.

But that's just me.

OMG gonna see if he'll go in a backpack right now. Will report back.
.

ENBB, note that if I had a pug, I be fuckin' wandering around town with him peaking out of my backpack like he was guiding my Jedi training or some shit.

This might be possible with some practice but I think he was a little freaked out first time in:

http://i38.tinypic.com/28a599g.jpg

Hahah aw.

You should have brought him like that to the Boston FAP.

Aw man. If he starts to like it I'm probably just gonna take him everywhere like that tbh.

benson definitely more terrestrial than marsupial imo

transfixed by pugs whenever i see them

they're just not into being like any other dogs

YES! STRONG IS THE DARK SIDE, CONTROL YOU IT WILL!