smoking

I quit when GWB was president, have probably had 6 cigarettes since? but the last time I smoked was a Marlboro Red after a particular intense group therapy session about 10 years ago. These days the smell of nonmenthol cigarette smoke is rather triggering for me, it makes me think how dumb and irresponsible I was as a young adult.

I don’t keep them around but I will still have one on occasion. I think of them like cupcakes— I don’t buy myself a cupcake or like gooey muffin treat more than a few times a year, but when I do it is because I want that particular indulgence

26 years for me in August. Which makes me feel quite old!

I currently have an older client for whom I am trying to find senior housing that accepts smokers. They appear to be nonexistent. Anyone still smoking, try to quit before you are 80 something and in need of assisted living.

the problem I've got is I only smoke when I'm drinking so even the doctor is surprised about how much I don't smoke and I assume they double or triple what I tell them like they do with booze. they were like oh really? that's probably not significant and I wasn't lying.

so smoking doesn't actually really cost me any significant amount of money or give me any health problems.

I should quit anyway because it seems like my family has two options - you die in your 50s or your 90s.

on the other hand I am beset by nihilism and often don't care if I die because what's the fucking point anyway so maybe I should just keep smoking, especially because I don't really spend that much money on it and if it does give me cancer, tbh I'd probably be ok with it. there's fuck all point being alive anyway. I've seen my wife go through it. Probably better than getting old and getting dementia or something tbh.

the problem I've got is I only smoke when I'm drinking so even the doctor is surprised about how much I don't smoke and I assume they double or triple what I tell them like they do with booze. they were like oh really? that's probably not significant and I wasn't lying.

so smoking doesn't actually really cost me any significant amount of money or give me any health problems.

This is me exactly.

oh i shd stop doing everything i enjoy

I’m on chantix again

don't know how people can maintain this kind of iron discipline one-cig-a-day regime. When I'm fiending for nicotine it's impossible to concentrate on anything, my vision goes all fucked up and I become extremely heightened and irritable. I feel like quitting vaping now. I bought some 25mg nicotine patches, but am struggling to get myself in a serious and intentful fucking off nicotine altogether frame of mind.

Until 2013 I smoked two a day, with the morning cigarette the only one not dependent on booze. I vowed to cut it the moment I got a cold -- which I promptly did a week later.

I smoked two last night because I drank and smoked a bit of pot.

I had a one cigarette a day phase last year, but it doesn't really count because I was additionally vaping.

the ability to be able to enjoy one glass of wine or maybe a bit more, but a moderate and sensible snifter of booze, one cigarette - then savour the moment until you do it again the next day. I'll never have it.

do you do this daily?

ugh sorry for being edgy

xp

I wish I could, but I tend to finish off a bottle of wine if I open it and vape quite heavily throughout the day. But I have managed to possess the discipline to not drink until after 8 pm. That's a slight improvement.