OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

AI prompt: Try too hard to be clever. Humorous hip artsy movie voice narration.

in-joke rockwritin', because it presumes an audience that gets all the references while bemoaning the fact that nobody reads this shit. I mean, maybe there's a connection between those two things?

completely agree with you here -- relying on references to communicate a point is (at least part of) why no one wants to read music writing. i don't necessarily think it's a 21st c thing but it's def a music writing thing. not a fan!!

Only so much can be gleaned from chatter picked up by hanging out at the Fishbone “Party at Ground Zero” Mall which stands across the street from P4K headquarters like a giant memorial food court. And there are limits to how much fruit a holiday text from one of Ryan Schreiber’s ex coke dealers might bear. But even an observer as disconnected as this writer received emails containing theories. These theories ranged from site-appropriate conspiracies of an inside job—with the role of the Mossad being played by ex-Fader types bearing grudges—to the possibility of Pitchfork being hurt by a refusal to give special preference to artists/publicists important to other Condé Nast publications. The occasional middling review of Eurovision pablum and diaristic nepo-babies may seem like no big deal to peasants like you or I, but managers and publicists act on their own peculiar morality. Ron Laffitte has been indie rock’s monied whipping boy for twenty-five long years and maybe a 6.2 for Gracie Abrams was the final straw. Theory mongering, in this case, bears the pellucidity of old Pavement lyrics.

As well the theories should. For most analysts’ purposes, a love for Demolition Plot J-7 was enough. You don’t bring tequila to an Irish wake.

maybe he's going for early p4k style?

i hate that writing not just because it presupposes the reader gets the references but also because it seems like a cover for saying nothing new whatsoever, and just trying to say it with style and not even a good style.

pretty funny that he positions himself as someone who might not otherwise be told theories about what's going on in the music writing world. feel like that is not really the case

I like it, but I've been accused of doing hipster Dennis Miller schtick on this very site, so ymmv

Also, it's a Substack

Lester Bangs was a malign influence

lol people pay for this insight, then

Also, it's a Substack

No, no; our boy has moral objections to Substack. He publishes on Ghost.

I was just gonna say - that stuff reads like Knock-Off Whiney to me. (Whiney's works, imo. ZL's doesn't.)

i like some of the music he digs up, but his tweets are at least half eye-rolls

that's like someone's blog. that doesn't count for me. you can write anything on your own space.

jeez louise no fair bringing whiney into this. he's a real riter.

i couldn't really read much of that thing above though. i think i'm just getting old.

i went looking for some old thing on google last night and i saw the very first rock review i ever wrote (for the VV) and it came out 25 years ago this month!! i felt like graydon carter's dessicated mummy or whatever. where does the time go.....

xpost i know, but Lipez is a real writer, too. i'm not just comparing Whiney to a guy with a blog ... although yes, he wrote this on his blog, or newsletter, or whatever it is.

Yeah, Lipez writes for zombie Creem. Which I haven't read, but I hope he's got someone reining him in a little bit more over there.

The phrase "hipper-than-thou" was coined for this sort of prose voice...

And there are limits to how much fruit a holiday text from one of Ryan Schreiber’s ex coke dealers might bear.

srsly our whiney would never. this is very bad. the guy is bad with prepositions, doesn't know the requirements of metaphor, actually writes "pellucidity."

Men like deBoer tend to be glib about aspects of culture which are fascinating when taken seriously and they tend to be humorless about the absurd.

this is a good line

I think I got two paragraphs in and then had to tap out.

(And, yes, I got the references! But this writing style is insufferable.)

<q>And there are limits to how much fruit a holiday text from one of Ryan Schreiber’s ex coke dealers might bear

srsly our whiney would never. this is very bad. the guy is bad with prepositions, doesn't know the requirements of metaphor, actually writes "pellucidity."<q/>

argh!

was gonna say, dude also seems to think that coke grows on trees....

he calls out coke snorting like a homophobe does gay sex

he's good re deBoer

The 'Ex-Fader as Mossad' dig seems to be directed to Will Welch, the GQ EIC. That's all I got lol

I understand the hate, but I enjoyed the piece, despite his reliance on coke jokes. It was a funny, ranty, know-it-all blog post and in that sense it Made me feel nostalgic lol

I was just like “Dennis Miller has a music blog now?”

https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/1JoAAOSwQjFlNDpe/s-l960.jpg

lmao

Before it closed, the Fun Factory arcade in Redondo Beach still had tons of talking Dennis Miller dolls the last time I was there

One of those guys where it's like "what the hell happened to you?" He was really great on SNL and if you watch a lot of old reruns, it's easy to see why he was considered the gold standard for Weekend Update for so long. In some ways, I think he was everything Charles Rocket's Weekend Update shtick hoped to be and failed to be, but even better, and he sort of did it accidentally. There's an early Letterman interview (maybe two seasons into his time at SNL) where amazingly he discusses how he really didn't address real news as standup material until Lorne Michaels hired him specifically to anchor Weekend Update - so from that point on, he really had to do his homework to keep up with politics and world events. I've seen him claim 9/11 changed him (maybe the way it changed Ron Silver) and I've seen Al Franken claim he has NOT changed, that he was always more of a libertarian with as many conservative tendencies as liberal ones. But based on the visual evidence, it's mind-boggling to see him suck up to a nitwit like George W. Bush while savaging Reagan for his intellectual shortcomings.

"The Blinders’ latest album, ‘Beholder’, offers a darkly romantic odyssey that sees the Doncaster-born band, now sporting an expanded new line-up, reaching new heights. Capturing the raw energy of the band’s debut, it takes that spark and sends it soaring into more adventurous and cinematic territories.

With a richer, more layered sound that still retains that punch they made their own, there’s a newfound unpredictability that adds an exhilarating edge. But it’s ‘Nocturnal Skies’ that stands out, a testament to the band’s ability to craft a powerful, emotive song that resonates long after the last note has faded.

This is The Blinders at their most ambitious and confident, a band that has embraced their darkness and turned it into something truly captivating."

https://readdork.com/albums/the-blinders-beholder/

No shade meant to you, irrational, actually more of a thank you, as I was lost in my Cali election work, thus was unable to do much music reading this past week. Dork was totally right about The Blinders' new alb. Hell yeah!

https://www.vox.com/culture/24099908/justin-timberlake-everything-i-thought-it-was-britney-scandal-forgiveness

why

Now, after years away from the spotlight (and one Instagram apology), Timberlake is releasing a new album titled Everything I Thought It Was. So far, its lead single (“Selfish”) and promotional track (“Drown”) point to a more mellow, R&B-lite direction for the singer — with the exception of the gospel-flavored song “Sanctified,” which previewed on Saturday Night Live. And the album’s artwork, influenced by 1971’s Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and Federico Fellini’s masterpiece 8 ½, hints at an emphasis on visuals.

why

His third record saw a softer, more romantic side of Timberlake, with sultry serenades that reflected his personal life, including his marriage to actress Jessica Biel. His newfound maturity was best represented in the album’s blockbuster single “Mirrors,” which — despite its arguably narcissistic lyrics — signified his commitment to monogamy.

Unfortunately for Timberlake, he would experience a significant fall from grace in the following years, both as an artist and as a wife guy.

whyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Music writing basically just summaries social media these days

summarizes I mean

Summaries
Make me feel fine
Blowin' thru the Justin in my mind

a wife guy

pretty fly for a wife guy

Summaries
Make me feel fine
Blowin' thru the Justin in my mind