Twitter C/D

Reminds me of a wedding a went to where the groom's adult brother wore flip flops and read a thick fantasy novel through the ceremony.

the sort who insist on bridesmaids in matching gowns, groomsmen in tuxedos, and who cater their wedding complete with waiters and bartenders

You mean...people who consider it a serious, ceremonial occasion and have ideas about what that means, and expect those who care about them to honor those wishes? How awful.

(My wife and I were married in front of a small-town mayor with seven guests: her parents, my father and his wife, my brother, and two friends of ours. We didn't tell them what to wear but they all dressed up.)

lmao at the absolute ethering

I feel like it’s kind of elitist to assume that everyone can afford a suit.

— Mr. Teen Crypto 2015 (@elonconomy) December 11, 2023

certainly, if you can't afford a suit, then i think you should try your best and your hosts should be gracious and understanding. but the people i see break these norms are rarely the cash-strapped. they are more often guys with this sort of personality pic.twitter.com/eqFk0SHreC

— derek guy (@dieworkwear) December 11, 2023

Aimless is not invited to my wedding (which happened 21 years ago)

(xpost) that guy could afford a suit if he hadn't lost all his money on bored apes NFTs

I bet his ape has a suit

I see Aimless has managed to codify this as being overly demanding on the part of bridezilla types rather than, say, people feeling the need to impose a dress code so that you don’t get people showing up wearing tshirts and battered vans to a wedding.

It's that "feeling the need" that gets to the crux of the matter for me. I've been to many weddings, including my own. Never once did the invitations specify a dress code and yet, remarkably, nobody showed up in a t-shirt. But my own feeling is that, if you genuinely want someone to attend your wedding then I'll quote some wisdom offered by Chinaski (via link, bcz it's on 77 borad):

https://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?showall=true&bookmarkedmessageid=8685269&boardid=77&threadid=86409

If you've ever attended a wedding in a tube top . . .

Blessed to not be in a social milieu where parties (not weddings/etc.) ever demand "cocktail attire."

otm means “on the money”

Also on the mark! But we’ve had this discussion before

We had our work holiday party on Saturday. It was, by consensus, "black tie" (although no one was shamed for not abiding by the dress code). It was kind of fun to dress up, but it would be tiresome for that to be the norm.

Weddings, otoh . . . the original tweet makes the excellent point that a wedding is about the couple, not the guests. He makes the equally good point that it's usually men who have the attitude in question.

Indeed, not a difficult point to grasp and yet!

Sad what passes for spicy discourse on Elon's Twitter. Bring back Bean Dad!

I salute my father-in-law!

Fwiw, and I don't feel this is gendered but it might be a blindspot, I think people can/should wear what they want to a wedding? I wore a suit to mine and have always dressed smartly for the weddings I've been to. But mostly out of a feeling that I *should*. The further I get from actually needing to attend the bastard things, the more ceremony isn't what shoes people wear or whether they've spent £200 on a suit they won't wear again. If someone had come to mine in a dressing gown and slippers I think I would enjoyed the eccentricity.

Fwiw no. 2: the whole industry is a scam innit; the money my circle have friends has spent on weddings, we could have taken x amount of weeks off work or been good capitalist pigdogs and spent it buying property or something.

As ever, whenever I post something it feels a) beside the point and ii) bland as all fuck. There we are.

If someone had come to mine in a dressing gown and slippers I think I would enjoyed the eccentricity.

I dunno, I can see both sides of it. Obviously, you have a good sense of humor (and presumably anyone you invited to your wedding would know that). On the other hand, wearing something out of the ordinary to a wedding seems to be (can be read as) an attempt to draw attention to oneself, which to my mind is exactly the opposite of what a wedding guest should do.

I also think it's difficult to see how showing up to a more or less trad wedding in a t-shirt or sneakers or etc wouldn't be correctly seen as a sign of contempt. Non-trad weddings could of course vary widely. I suppose there are class/poverty angles here, but you needn't run out and buy a brand-new suit. I do appreciate when people make dress suggestions as clear as possible

Not sure why I just posted a series of floating thoughts, sorry, I blame the strong decongestant I'm on

Heh. I'm in bed with covid so I'm very probably also talking bollocks/round in circles.

I do primarily remember my wedding because all of my favourite people were there, for us, under one roof though. The last thing we wanted to do was to make anyone feel pressured or anxious about what they needed to wear.

All that is caveated by the sense that *all weddings* have that sense of 'shit, better get the suit out!' conditioning attached to them.

Also conscious I'm a man, lining up to say 'well aksherly...' to gyac and don't want to do that either!

I had a very small wedding (under 25 people) and no dress code. I think my best friend even wore runners. I organised the whole thing in maybe a couple of evenings. That was the kind of wedding we did have though; i don’t remember discussing what anyone was wearing apart from my sisters. But if you’re going to someone else’s more formal event, it seems fairly straightforward to dress up.

has anybody ever asked for people to wear "cocktail attire" to a wedding? i feel like these are two different convos / contexts

Probably not. I think the point made is that certain occasions call for more formal wear and that a wedding is probably the most regular event people go to.

ime what passes for male formal wear at trad american weddings at the current moment is v much NOT a suit or even a full button-down shirt. i've been to plenty of normie weddings in the last 10 years where the majority of men were wearing variations of polo shirt & khakis or "nice" jeans, and clearly thought of themselves as being dressed up. funerals too, tbh. in huge swaths of america wearing a suit & tie is closer to becoming the equivalent of what wearing a tux signified a generation ago.

xxp Dean Martin, maybe.

Also conscious I'm a man, lining up to say 'well aksherly...' to gyac and don't want to do that either!

i guess i just feel that this is something you can't really crystallize into a gotcha tweet. i have different friends with different personalities, in different social circles, who throw different kinds of parties for different kinds of occasions.

i can imagine that there are probably horrible rich crypto bros who have misogynist double standards about 'formal' attire, but that's pretty far from my lived experience tbh!

this feels like way more of a reddit topic than a twitter one

in huge swaths of america wearing a suit & tie is closer to becoming the equivalent of what wearing a tux signified a generation ago.

noticed this at the company Christmas party last weekend, the attire was all over the place. first year I went it seemed like everyone dressed up now there's a lotta sweater and jeans folks. which I think is fine but yea something has shifted I think. I still like feeling pretty though

tbf, the tweet gyac posted was addressing events with a specified dress code, simply advising you don't defy that suggestion and show up in whatever you want. it kinda wasn't that complicated

One Eye Open's post did make me reflect on the fact I haven't been to a wedding in a long time. frogbs' makes me think this might be a covid social effect?

the one person who came to my wedding in a tuxedo-print t-shirt also spent the reception attempting to cheat on his wife with my cousin.

speaking as someone who literally never wears sleeves and walks around 24/7 in shorts, slip-on shoes, and one of 415 old battered band t-shirts, I still dress up for a wedding unless it's a deliberate dress-down wedding (which as of yet....I have yet to be invited to).

the whole "elitist to assume everyone can afford a suit" tweet is just bad faith, if you didn't have one and had a legit concern about getting one, most people would understand if you approached them about it, but that carries to me as much weight as the "what if it's an emergency" crowd defending people texting on bright screens in movie theaters, when they're probably just keep their phones on to sext their partner.

I actually did have this problem with my dad's memorial in that my old jacket got ruined, and I'd been wearing one of dad's old ones but it was too large. I couldn't get away with wearing one that big on me at a serious function like this, but I also couldn't afford to spend the money on a jacket. so I did what every good God-fearing American would do - I ordered a suit jacket from Amazon, then re-attached the tags and returned it after one wear.

the only time I give a fuck about people commenting on how I dress is when we're hanging out informally in public. then get off my dick. but wedding decor is up to the people planning them.

i used to wear a blazer w/no tie to my very dry office job but stopped abt 10 years ago after multiple times people approached me to offer condolences, assuming that i had to duck out of work for a funeral

simply advising you don't defy that suggestion and show up in whatever you want. it kinda wasn't that complicated

otm.

do remember one time skipping a party because it was a black tie and suit party and this was back when I was in my old job which was much busier and also I got the invite very close to said party date. I didn't have the garments, nor the time to acquire the necessary garments and the host wrote adamantly please adhere to the theme of the party. so I didn't go, and got asked why and said that I didn't have the right outfit and they were like "aw man I woulda let you come!". but I would have felt mega lame being the only person not playing along so it wouldn't have been enjoyable anyway.

xpost lol OEO

I went back and looked at the thread and the guy originally qted came back to reply and said:

Oh this one I 1000% agree with!

I think you have to match your partners EFFORT. So if her version of dressing up is a cocktail dress and high heels but mine is incredible sneakers, black denims, a white priest collar and fun suit jacket, then I should rather dress uncomfortably…

— Nic Haralambous (@nicharry) December 11, 2023

lol what a turd. in any event, good to know i'm not missing out on anything! :)

I had to put two suits on credit cards (to officiate weddings years apart - since I never wore the first one again it disappeared along the way). That sucked but some of the responses to that tweet make me think my local thrift stores are very, very different from those of the tweeters. I could maybe get a suit for a child or someone 5'6" at Thrift Town here but I think dressing up like Angus Young for a wedding would be frowned upon.

a white priest collar and fun suit jacket

do people really dress like this

this type of poster is so insufferable. the faux “idgi” guy with a side order of humblebrag

there used to be one Goodwill here that had an unusually large collection of quality suits, some vintage, but I haven't checked to see if it's still around. we costumed about 50% of a production of 12 Angry Men from that store.

that said...they weren't typical Goodwill rack prices either.

also what are 'incredible' sneakers, like did this dude get the Lil Nas X shoes

guy…. they cost more than whatever “suit” you want me to put on, am i right just sayin

going to wedding wearing nothing but a slingkini and Air Jordans

an immediate red flag to me when people refer to suits and/or neckties as being horribly physically uncomfortable, as if they were whalebone corsets or something. i'm always amazed at how when i'm wearing a necktie there will sometimes be adult men who make comments like "man arent't you uncomfortable in that thing??" as if they are unaware that you tie it yourself and can control how tight it is.

Does he think that women wear cocktail dresses and heels because they’re comfortable?

I read that as “if she’s going to wear uncomfortable clothes, then I’m going to wear uncomfortable clothes”, not that he thinks cocktail dresses and heels are considered by women to be comfortable. Basically, he wants to match the dress style of his date even if he’d be perfectly happy to underdress if going by himself.

then I should rather dress uncomfortably in a suit cause convention dictates a cocktail dress matches with a suit?

Argh the truncation is annoying and completely changes the context

Also I wasn’t paying attention and thought that was the original poster

an immediate red flag to me when people refer to suits and/or neckties as being horribly physically uncomfortable, as if they were whalebone corsets or something. i'm always amazed at how when i'm wearing a necktie there will sometimes be adult men who make comments like "man arent't you uncomfortable in that thing??" as if they are unaware that you tie it yourself and can control how tight it is.

― waste of compute (One Eye Open), Monday, December 11, 2023 5:06 PM bookmarkflaglink

sometimes they mean the shirt is tight but that in my experience means the fit wasn't done correctly