marketing of masculinity

the fuck is a 'Zaddy'?

Beardsturbation

https://livebearded.com/

why are male grooming products always some shade of brown/black/grey? why do they all smell like turpentine? do men hate pretty colours and nice smells?

speaking of which, Randy Quaid should be playing Karl Marx these days

https://iv1.lisimg.com/image/24779376/681full-randy-quaid.jpg

xpost have you smelled most men? a lot of them do seem to enjoy smelling like a combination of mildew, mahogany, and onion rings

not most of them, but enough to get the point, yes

personally I'm more attracted to men who smell like flowers

"attracting thirsty cuties in line for organic lemonade" is a scene from my worst nightmare, which would obviously take place at a farmer's market

the only scents i catch lately that are appealing are like really warm herbalish sweet patchoulis, i think i've only encountered women wearing them.

“EPIC FIT” like you’re out slaying grendel in these farmer’s market shorts

Beards. I am growing an AMish beard. What does it do for me? Will it make me feel any different? Does it change me to have a scarglemuff-face?
Am I more A MAN with a beard and is that a good thing? (Thank God this is not facebook or that comment would have gotten me in fb jail)

a pharaoh beard grants immortality iirc

maybe amish beard grants barn raising skillz? pls tell us if you can raise a barn after establishing the full amish.

is the beard the phallus of the face?

Beards are reactionary. Shaving is praxis.

"is the beard the phallus of the face?" Not unless the pubic frump is the beard of the pubic mountain!

I hate having to shave - not for the way it looks, but the way it feels after 3 days of growth.

beards are reactionary *or* revolutionary - bearded moderates are phonies

Halfway, interesting.

I feel like I have been in a 35-year-long cycle of violence with my face. I hate shaving, yes, but I also having itchy scraggly unpleasant facial hair that abrades my wife.

Further, I don't like the way my beard grows. It isn't vigorous or consistent. I get a mustache and goatee and sideburny things pretty quickly, but my cheeks and jawline remain patchy and sparse. Because I don't like the look of the goatee (unflattering, plus possible shady GenX cultural associations), my choices are a Don Johnson-style permastubble, or shaving. It is a cruel trick of fate.

but the way it feels after 3 days of growth.

I do it in the shower every morning, never have to suffer with this unless I'm camping/road tripping

i hate having hair perpetually grow on my face. i'm also trapped in a horrible cycle with it. i get fed up, shave it all, and then let it grow for a couple weeks so it's in that really uncomfortable zone where people aren't sure if your life has gone wrong (it has) or if you're just being really lazy (i am) or if you're trying to go for a "beard" (sometimes i am, sort of).

i like the andy the grasshopper method of shaving in the shower every morning, but unfortunately *sad violin begins to play*, unfortunately, i just really love to take afternoon baths

that really uncomfortable zone where people aren't sure

Richard Ford described this facial phase as 'looking like a wretched sex offender'

And I use an electric shaver after trying a straight razor, so shower shaving is out.

I've got dark (now greying) hair but red (now white) facial hair, so even if I could stand to grow it for a few weeks, it would take much longer to look like a beard and make me look like I'm in my 70s anyway.

xp i call the top part of it the "teenstache"

No other great apes have to deal with moustache trouble like us. Only beards.

Yet Munkees...
https://i.imgur.com/h6VKF.jpg

DIABEETUS

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FgUr-DjXEAItiy1.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/tQGJHv4.jpg

lmao

The Gandalf™

there are some anti-abortion billboards around here that say "REAL MEN LOVE BABIES". i have thoughts. lots of them. not sure if i'll be able to get them in writing. too many thoughts.

I didn't see the movies, but I don't remember a Mrs. Gandalf...

https://i.imgur.com/8fsN4ff.jpg

https://www.benchmade.com/products/4010-cstm?

Got an ad for this today, I like the new cleaver-y blade trend for chef's knifes but this is so tacticool

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0574/8041/3232/files/STATION_KNIFE_02A_768x.png

Perfect for chopping carrots or doing wetwork with Seal Team 6.

so if marketing cooking equipment as extreme tactical military cowboy survival shit gets men to do more cooking - how do we get them to do more cleaning? light saber mops?

it won't, of course, get men to do more cooking; it'll just get them to buy more shit.

Looking at it again I really like that blade shape (and will have to look around for a non-DEVGRU approved option) but the bolster looks all wrong for properly choking up on the knife.

Hee https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=de-Yylorsow

....i'll take the whip

what? no, no, i look like a woman but i'm actually (whispers) _transgender_

no i mean a trans _woman_, a transgender _woman_

what? no look "trans woman" doesn't mean i was afab and transitioned to being a man...

AFAB. AY-FAHB. Not ACAB. Assigned female at birth. Although also ACAB.

Let's just say yes. Yes I have a penis. If I tell you I have a penis, can I have that whip?

Look. Just... give me the whip. I'll... I'll give you the idol. You give me the whip. OK?

Um. Idol. Idol. Uh... I have a CD of Rebel Yell. Does that count? It plays fine, I swear. Don't worry about the scratches. And! It comes with an obi!

...sure. That's "Obi" as in "Obi-wan".

Here you go, manly man-type men, Christmas is sorted.

https://www.beautifuldeer.com/products/tactical-christmas-stocking-2?variant=113484&fbclid=IwAR3L4OKB9f_DoOE3U_MlRqPQJaznw4f4CI5Vkme2sxeHk1l6jH3saCQxJ3U_aem_AUBkpF_6NnVzu1PMyRtXWZbHjKDUaK6pSoew9w8VgW9VuLPprwH0zbHmuFJ-c7rXOqzL91RSbzdw2yVFmmcA9yWt

my axe has a smaller, sharper axe hidden in the blade

Axe-ception