people that YELP are scumbags

Ha ha.

The result is a pie that you eat with a fork and knife(gasp! Yes, like a real meal. Can you handle it?)

NO! I CAN'T HANDLE IT! I CANT HANDLE THIS PIZZA!

what is the yelp secret handshake

You just need to be dining/drinking in a visibly ill-matched group of young people, somewhere between team luncheon and double blind date. Then you need to proclaim loudly "Have you seen The Wire? It is one of the best TV series ever" and also talk loudly about European beers.

Don't worry, I'll spot you.

nabs you're being too kind that guy is a retard. like, thank you anonymous yelp person for informing me that pizza is available in a variety of contexts in these great united states of ours.

it was a gal! for the record I saw nothing else on the page that appeared to call for that, just a bunch of people saying it was rather expensive (it is) or that they found it a bit doughier than whatever Neapolitan type they expected. (also that they couldn't HANDLE the pizza.)

her particular variety of scorn should be saved for the dude who looked at the menu at the really good Mexican place on my block and then said "I'm supposed to pay $10 for a burrito?" as if he flat-out could not categorically fathom a burrito that was, like, good

I mean it's New York, you can get a $10 grilled cheese every other block

http://www.americanrhetoric.com/MovieSpeeches/specialengagements/afewgoodmenjacktruth.JPG

you can't HANDLE the pizza!

hahaha it really helps that that redirects to a page with Lincoln on it

Expensive burrito /= good. My favorite burritos ever are gigantic ones for like 4 bucks at a Chicago joint.

(xxpost)

reading the mpls version of yelp, becoming furious

jesus christ there are reviews of lakes

rot in hell

Lake Calhoun

Courtney W.

Eden Prairie, MN
2 star rating
3/23/2009

Calhoun is in the middle of the chain of lakes so if you're going on a long run, it's kinda hard to avoid. It's 3.2 miles and perfect for 5k training.

It's not perfect if you are looking to commune peacefully with nature or get away from society. It's crowded. Traffic is a bitch. Parking is a bitch. You are supposed to only bike one way. If you bike the wrong way, even if the bike path happens to be empty, people yell at you. It's poorly lit at night. I avoid Calhoun as much as possible. In a way, I'm glad it's crowded - it helps keeps the other 2 lakes free for a more peaceful run.

umm but Jon surely you recognize the possibility that a sit-down restaurant can serve a really good burrito covered with green chile that is worth well over $10? this guy seemed to be of the opinion that a burrito flat-out categorically could not be worth $10, which strikes me as demented.

Lions Tap Family Restaurant

Category: Burgers
2 star rating
5/11/2009
$21 bought two people:

2 burgers - one with mushrooms and swiss and one bacon cheddar both w/ onions on top
2 orders of crinkle fries
2 soda w/ straws
unlimited napkins
20% tip for waitstaff (who were very efficient)

OMG, people, the Lion's Tap must be making a KILLING. I wish I was related to the owners.

$21 also bought me embarrassment w/ a side of pissed off. When we walked in to the restaurant, we were greeted by a girl who i assumed was the host. she asked, "how many?" and told us to go around the corner. So I actually followed her instructions and went around said corner. This pissed off everyone that was already in a scraggly-ass, unorganized line that i hadn't noticed. So... the people in line started making snooty comments. I turned red, snarled back something like, "I've never been here before...SORRY" and took my place in the back of the line. it was an awkward wait, to say the least.

but even with 10 people in line in front of us, we were in and out within 30 minutes. on a saturday night at 6pm, no less. the burgers didn't do much for me. the crinkle fries made me wish for something better - BK or McD's perhaps? but they weren't soggy, which crinkle fries tend to be. thumbs up for that. the bacon was cut round and not the thick, juicy kind. the plate was as big as the bun. no silverware was provided. just a big ol' box of napkins.

my husband and i both had horrible gas for the rest of the evening. it made for a super fun saturday night. he asked that i quote him in my review...he was "underwhelmed". i have to second that.

Augsburg College

Category: Colleges & Universities
2 star rating
3/23/2009 First to Review
It took them 2 years and 3 months to send me my diploma. I have no idea why. I paid them a ton of money for school. I never rented library books and didn't have any "holds" on my accounts. Oh well. Least I finally got it.

They have almost NO free parking near campus. The on-street parking they do have available has crazy rules. I got towed. Twice. So in a way I did learn something in college - Minneapolis has crazy-ass parking rules.

reviewing a lake is today's height of wtf.

I do, totally. But I can also understand how someone might balk at a $10 burrito if the only (relatively) expensive burrito they've had is like Chipotle or some shit.

(xxpost)

^^ same person, "Courtney W."

xps

my husband and i both had horrible gas for the rest of the evening. it made for a super fun saturday night. he asked that i quote him in my review...he was "underwhelmed". i have to second that.

"honey you still writin' your word thing on the interwebs?"

"damn straight i am. you still got the Montezuma's Revenge?"

"indeed i do, honey do me a favor? with regards to the food that was served to us tonight? call me "underwhelmed," will ya? can quote me on that?

"you know i will sugar bean."

"and bring me some pepto when you get a chance?"

I turned red, snarled back something like, "I've never been here before...SORRY" and took my place in the back of the line. it was an awkward wait, to say the least.

i love it when ppl do not even realize they are being an unreliable narrator, about their own lives

maybe lake rating doesn't surprise me because I used to look at ratemyprofessor.com when signing up for classes

bottom line is people rate everything

that shit needs to be destroyed too. "made me do a paper, so mean!!"

yes rmp has to be the most unreliable rating site of all time.

I just trust the chili peppers

i looked up a friend on there and a surprising number of responses were variations on "she gets really mad if you come in late, but she's pretty hot"

"i think she was teaching English or something"

tbf chili peppers are often otm.

RMP cheered up a friend's day when I showed him his page and he had a 4.7 on the hotness scale.

yelp saleslady has been incessant caller for the last few weeks trying to hip me to the jive re: their god damn website and why my store should give them all my money. pimpin pimpin pimpin

"honey you still writin' your word thing on the interwebs?"

"damn straight i am. you still got the Montezuma's Revenge?"

"indeed i do, honey do me a favor? with regards to the food that was served to us tonight? call me "underwhelmed," will ya? can quote me on that?

"you know i will sugar bean."

"and bring me some pepto when you get a chance?"

This sound so much like an Achewood script.

nah

1. Eclipse Records
Categories: Music & DVD's, Music Venues
4.5 star rating
4 reviews
1922 University Ave W
Saint Paul, MN 55104
(651) 645-7724

2. Eclipse Productions
1701 E Hennepin Ave
Minneapolis, MN 55414
(612) 331-4210

3. Eclipse Electric Mfg Inc
Category: Lighting Fixtures & Equipment
6512 Walker St
Minneapolis, MN 55426
(952) 929-2500

4. Eclipse Dungs Controls
2740 Patton Rd
Saint Paul, MN 55113
(651) 635-0410

5. Eclipse
Category: Day Spas
2611 Innsbruck Dr
Saint Paul, MN 55112
(651) 633-6163

6. Eclipse Laboratories
7732 W 78th St
Minneapolis, MN 55439
(952) 946-8843

7. Eclipse Music
Categories: Musical Instruments & Teachers, Electronics
149 Thompson Ave E
West St Paul, MN 55118
(651) 451-8878

fuck if im going to give money to a place where i show up later in the search listings than a DUNGS CONTROLS operation

maybe if you paid them you could be number 1 how's that sound

"I've never been here before...SORRY"

^^^should be the default second post of every ilx newbie

Rating # on RMP is total garbage, but the actual reviews are occassionally helpful. More so than Yelp! anyway.

The food was fantastic, the drink I had was great. But still, I was underwhelmed. The service was mediocre, the decor gave me a sense of deja vu (upscale tavern typical: polished wood, dim lights, unmemorable details), and it just didn't seem like a good value.

"The tables are close enough together that when the waiter did not bother to look over at me or the table despite my "Hey, I'm the customer asking for something" hand up and looking right at him, it was clear I was being ignored.

When I did not leave a tip because of the service? The waiter ran out of the store after me to ask if I did not have good service. -- don't chase me down to my car, your manager (?) will hear about it one way or another.

:soap box:
Thai (and other asian) restaurants - when a customer says "give me authentic, i've had it before" - dont pussy foot around and feed me the regular food. I know you can do better.

American restaurant-goers - stop giving out tips just because you are eating out. Be realistic enough to give $0.00 tip if you don't get the basic service - if there is an error and the waiter does not apologize or even wait to see if it is to your liking - that's a clear sign. You wouldn't buy a tv with no electricity would you?

I'm a firm but fair tipper. Be one too. You and your pocket book are not cheap - especially in this economy. And this restaurant's waiter helped to remind me.
:soap box:"

DEAR YELPER, PLEASE DIE

(that said, I don't hate Yelp at all -- Yelp app is by far the best thing on the iPhone for "help me pick a nearby restaurant" problems.)

especially in this economy--fuck over the service industry whenever you can.

What goes in a UK milkshake?? Now I'm curious.

marmite

blood pudding

boke.

I hate all of you.

treacle maybe?

i am ok with treacle except for the fact that it is called treacle

it sounds like something you should patch your roof with.

yelp saleslady has been incessant caller for the last few weeks trying to hip me to the jive re: their god damn website and why my store should give them all my money. pimpin pimpin pimpin

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Protection_racket

http://mashable.com/2009/08/27/yelp-augmented-reality/

thread won't be the same w/o omar ;_;