Defend the Indefensible: Nickelback... (Can it be done)

I love the lyrics to "Rockstar," it really does add so much flesh to Kroeger's brand of unlistenable buttrock. I was kinda floored when he suggested that the music of his peers is ghostwritten and lipsynched too, that's some balls. But, alas, the song is crippled by Nickelback's crushing inability to rock. If you're going to make a parody of hairmetal-y party rock, it should like hairmetal party rock, dammit.

Basically, all this guy's songs should be about choking women during sex. His sound is just too fucking ugly to be about anything else. Hell, his FACE is too fucking ugly to be about anything else. I came to a realization the other day that Nickelback is turning into the '00s Journey, and that's so fucking not cool. Journey's sound is perfectly polished stuff, shiny and wonderful. Nickelback just sounds like someone vomiting. They need to quit with the constant power-ballads and just try to be as nasty as possible.

No one's mentioned "If Everyone Cared" yet. It's Nickelback's "Imagine," and I can't think of anything less suited for them. I mean, Kroeger is suggesting that how if everyone just dropped their weapon and started carrying flowers and cared and shared and loved and gave each other a big group hug, PEOPLE WOULD STOP DYING. That's actually in that song. I wouldn't tolerate that shit from Marvin Fucking Gaye, I'm certainly not going to take it from the shit-covered cretins of Nickelback.

Singers be using platitudes.

If you're going to make a parody of hairmetal-y party rock, it should like hairmetal party rock, dammit.

Please, there's already one Andrew W.K.

Songs from this year that are worse than "Rockstar": "Thou Shalt Always Kill", "Beautiful Girls", "D.A.N.C.E.", that's it.

Chad Kroeger looks like a lion, which is quite a cool thing to look like.

hahaehghhahhh

but he looks more like the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz than a real lion

Songs from this year that are worse than "Rockstar": "D.A.N.C.E."

OTMFM

This makes me like Nickelback a teeny bit more, but i'm not sure I ought to admit that in public...

Hero, the song wot Chad Kroeger did for Spider-Man, is a real guilty pleasure of mine. I particularly like the ultracheesy bit where all the instruments drop out and the vocal harmonies come in after the second chorus. Don't spurn me.

I've just noticed how hard it is to tell that the first word of my last post on this thread is a link...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp88K1TjN5w

After hearing their sappy new single, I've come to realize that I can't think of a single sung by Chad Kroger that I've actively hated. Some I've ignored and some I've really, really liked, but I can't remember disliking any of them.

That song will be a titty-bar standard for the rest of any of our lives.

I don't like listening to their songs, but I admire them in a Brill Building way.

if the Brill Building was a titty-bar.

Only a band like Nickelback could write a song title as funny as "Something In Your Mouth" and find a way to make it pretentious. I can almost hear a Ween song in there somewhere.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKCMGGN1HFo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFEEKGikG4E

Chad Kroeger has had a serious makeover, to the point of me seeing him in the video and wondering why the dubbed the real Chad Kroeger's voice over Cy Curnin from The Fixx.

serious disconnect

I like doing karaoke of Nickelback, because you can just yell the lyrics as loud as you can and it'll sound pretty good

http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/Tg0ddJ65Sqc/hqdefault.jpg

http://www-movieline-com.vimg.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/daxshepard300.jpg

bwaha!

Who knew MotoGP rider Nicky Hayden was moonlighting as Nickelback's lead singer??

http://i.imgur.com/qmzTA.jpg

so the local sports talk station's "Power Trip Morning Show" has a recurring guest, this dude from the band Motion City Sountrack, a sort a b-level pop punk/emo type major label band, seems like they do ok, the are from mpls....anyway, they do that thing where they run ads for their shows with funny highlights from a recent show, etc....

anyway, i only heard the soundbite in the ad, but i take it that one of the dudes in the band (or maybe some other guy they know) is a songwriter as well for bigger rock bands....

and scene:

He's supposed to meet Chad Kroger of Nickelback at a restaurant. The meeting is about how this guy might sell some songs to Nickelback for an upcoming album. So they are talking and he gives Kroger the demo CD, etc, and Kroger is like, "Well, are you going to sing them?".....the guy says, "Well, I'd prefer if you just listen to the stuff, we're in a crowded restaurant not really comfortable doing that".....Kroger interrupts and is like "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE IN YOUR SONGS IF YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE BALLS TO SING THEM RIGHT NOW??"

then, Kroger stands up, kicks over his chair and belts out LOOOOOOK AT THIS PHOOOOTOGRAAAPH/EVERYTIME I DO IT MAKES ME LAAAAUGH like LOUD AS FUCK and the whole restaurant is obviously looking at him and Kroger just struts out of the restaurant and leaves the dude sitting at the table.

I have a new favorite band

dude walks it like he talks it

god i hope it was actually butch walker at the other end of that table

tbh if i was butch walker i'd be embarrassed to sing my shit too

Bold way to dodge a check.

tbh if i was butch walker i'd be embarrassed to sing my shit too

― da croupier, Thursday, August 2, 2012 6:37 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

whaaaaaat man you should check out his solo albums

We should poll people named Chad in bands. Live had two of them!

That's a pretty funny story, but there's never been an outside songwriter on a Nickelback album - hell, Kroeger writes and produces for other people at this point (most notably Daughtry, and now Avril Lavigne, who rumors around the office suggest he's also sleeping with).

does the canadian press call them "ChAvril"?

That's a pretty funny story, but there's never been an outside songwriter on a Nickelback album - hell, Kroeger writes and produces for other people at this point (most notably Daughtry, and now Avril Lavigne, who rumors around the office suggest he's also sleeping with).

― 誤訳侮辱, Thursday, August 2, 2012 10:46 PM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark

yeah i was gonna say, story doesn't pass the smell test for this among several reasons. still funny to picture, though.

That's a pretty funny story, but there's never been an outside songwriter on a Nickelback album

Mutt doesn't get a credit?

I don't care if that's fake, that story is hilarious

"Dark Horse:"

All lyrics written by Chad Kroeger, all music composed by Nickelback with Robert John "Mutt" Lange on tracks 1, 4, 7, 8 and 11.

The last one had track written with the producer, too, Joey Moi. No?

that is the greatest story ever told, replacing the former greatest story, the Bible

I'm sure I've reported here before on the one time I saw Nickelback, and they interrupted their show for 15 minutes wasted firing shirts out at the crowd with t-shirt canons. It was as NASCAR as Canadians get.

They should have at least thrown in a drum solo during that time.

I'm sure I've reported here before on the one time I saw Nickelback

you misspelled "first"

Obv I have no idea if it's true, all I heard was a snippet of talk radio

Still....if we can't believe in this what can we believe in

just look at this post of m@tt's, every time i do it makes me laugh

well it says "might" have sold some songs to nickelback, maybe chad just likes to fuck with hacks

xpost to Dan, I totally would have seen the band again were they not so utterly dull and gormless. Totally unaware - or aware but not caring - of all the cliches they embody, so that it transcended self-parody.

"Chicago, you may be the best crowd we've ever heard! Let me hear you again! Yeah, that was awesome. Tonight, we want to party with you!" Then he told his roadie to order a few hundred pizzas and beer so that they can party with 10,000 of their new best friends. Or something like that. It was total school of Paul Stanley.

Did they actually go through with the pizza

every stadium band these days rips off U2

More bands should do the t-shirt cannon thing.

it would certainly be a nice gesture at those big shows where the merch stand charges $40 and up for every shirt

It would have been hilarious had every fan that caught a shirt then been handed a bill for said shirt.

Saw Merle Haggard the other night, and his t-shirts were $35!