got a question for ya, nothing vulgar this time, i promise

(In a much less dynamic way, maybe I am Andrew WK! Thanks again, Andrew [Farrell, not WK {though thanks to him, too!}]).

Twelve year old me we promptly go home and kill herself, realizing that, no, she's never going to be a supermodel or marry a millionaire. Twelve year old me was a very melodramatic kid.

whoa, see, i Can create a thread that doesn't piss off or offend anyone, rock on, me!and noone's bashing each other yet, sweet. see, i Can be a pleasant guy on occasion :)although some of the messages on here are a little depressing, some of yall don't give yourselfs enough credit, i'm sure all of ya are bodacious people, and yeah, i'm 24 and still say bodacious, and will still admit that def leppard and the 80's music and movie scene are way bitchin. later

Me now: You're cool as shit and don't let for a second the parade of assholes you are about to endure for 6 years let you think otherwise.
Me then: Shut up, I'm playing Zelda. Wait, can you buy me fireworks?

advice i would give 12 year old me: stop listening to your mother, RIGHT NOW.

Di, I'm still arguing with my 29 yr old self to quit doing that!

NowMe: ahh yes, we discovered you liked writing stories at this age didnt we?
ThenMe: yeah, this is really fun and easy!
NowMe: listen. Don't let it drop, and don't let anyone convince you you're weird or a nerd or look like a freak. Be proud of all that but most of all - KEEP WRITING.
ThenMe: why, aren't you a famous writer now?
NowMe: no. I have a boring desk job for an internet company.
ThenMe: whats internet?
NowMe: believe me, don't bother with it. It'll waste your life. And when you get to year 11, talk your parents harder into letting you go to that cool college in Narrabundah instead of staying on at this high school. You'll learn a lot more and get more creativity out of it. If you stay where you are, you won't even get into uni like you planned.
ThenMe: By the way, you look like a weirdo. What the hell is that thing in your nose? I hate punks!
NowMe: gahhhh.

12yearoldme: will this meditation stuff really work?
23yearoldme: YES but you don't really want it to...
12yearoldme: why?
23yearoldme: now listen...this is important - DON'T - DO NOT - go to school on THE 11TH OF OCTOBER, 1994
12yearoldme: um, why....?

23yearoldme: JUST...DON'T.

I was wondering where ryan was! good question!

Nick Southall's answer is fucking cheesy, but it's also fucking great.

12yoMC: oh man life will rule!
37yoMC: well, yeah, sure, I guess
12yoMC: what are you talking about? I get to achieve all the goals I ever wanted: published books, albums for free, kids who don't suck, a hot freakin' wife, I get out of Canby!
37yoMC: well, it's a little more complicated than that
12yoMC: no, it's NOT. it's not that complicated AT ALL. you don't just break into giggles every day thinking about how you get to drive a damn car? you're not happy about how you got to run in the STATE TRACK MEET? you actually met Allen Ginsburg? dude!
37yoMC: but but but um
12yoMC: you don't appreciate anything. screw you.
[pause while both MCs think about it]
37yoMC: oh yeah well Joe Strummer died
12yoMC: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I don't think I could get this to be as moving as Nick Southall's. So I won't try. Instead, I'll just speed on ahead with my post.

Me at 12:  Oh no, I don't look different.
Me at 23:  Nope, sweetie. Sorry, you still look like me.
Me at 12:  I'm still a Duran fan?
Me at 23:  Yes! But the good part about this is that you actually get to go see them live!
Me at 12:  Coolness!
Me at 23:  Definitely. Six times, in fact. And you get to meet Nick and Simon, too.
Me at 12:  Wow. Ok, now what's the catch?
Me at 23:  Um, no catch at all, truthfully. But you do have to know something very important.
Me at 12:  Uh-oh. What's that?
Me at 23:  Um, sweetie, when you get to be my age, Dad will die.
Me at 12:  *crying* WHY? WHY?????
Me at 23:  Well, remember how he had cancer once before?
Me at 12:  *nods, wipes tears away with sleeve*
Me at 23:  He'll get it again, but this time it won't go away and you'll have three years to say goodbye before it's time.
Me at 12:  *sniffling* B-b-b-but how can you handle it so well?
Me at 23:  Honey, when you get to be my age, you become stronger than you thought you could be. But then again....
Me at 12:  What? What's up now?
Me at 23:  Then again, you don't become as strong as you'd like to be.
Me at 12:  Why? What happens?
Me at 23:  You get your heart broken.
Me at 12:  Huh?
Me at 23:  Trust me on this one, dear. And it becomes harder to deal with than Daddy's passing on or the fact that you have to be Mom's caretaker.
Me at 12:  Oh man, that must really suck then, this whole "heartbreak" thing. I feel lonely now.
Me at 23:  Yeah, I can understand. But you won't be as lonely as you think, because you'll actually have quality friends.
Me at 12:  So I can handle stuff better then.
Me at 23:  Definitely! And you live in a better neighborhood locally, too, and have a college degree, and all this cool technology you can't even begin to understand now, and you've got a driver's license and a vehicle and you might even get surgery by the end of the year that will allow you to go without glasses!
Me at 12:  Yeah, that all sounds cool, but... Daddy dying and the heartbreak and all. How can you live through all that?
Me at 23:  Just barely, dear. But you really have no choice but to be strong and to live through it all.
Me at 12:  Yeah. I can see that. But... can you give me any advice on how to make my life cool?
Me at 23:  Sure. Don't pay attention to the people who make fun of you. Put yourself out there more. Take your education seriously no matter what. Don't think being a "nerd" is uncool. Don't give up on the tennis. Sing more. Read more. The very first time you try killing yourself, get help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Make Mom be careful about driving when you get to be 14. Make Dad go to the doctor more. Play more often with dogs. Try out a video game, because now is the only time you can start. Try out more music. Write more. Be more of a risk-taker.
Me at 12:  And... ?
Me at 23:  I think that's it. The rest you'll have to figure out on your own. Oh yeah, and be more forceful than you are now. That can be the last bit of advice.
Me at 12:  Oh, ok. Thanks. You really think this will help?
Me at 23:  More than you know. Trust me.

Vic, What happened on 11th October 1994?

Oll12:Hello! Not that i'm old enough to know, but you look like one of the proclaimers.
Oll24:Thats quite right son, how are you enjoying your second year of school?
Oll12: It's okay, though i don't enjoy being studious and all the other kids seem to find my jokes and glib comments funny.
Oll24: Yes they will but thats because you're more clever than most of them. I'd recommend you stick with the school work though.
Oll12: But i can do it all without thinking about it.
Oll24: Well ask for some more, do better, work harder, ignore people who think you're a spod for working hard.
Oll12: That's what my folks say, but i don't agree. I'm funny i'll be a comedian if i stay this funny.
Oll24: You won't stay this funny, there are people more clever and more funny than you and eventually you won't be able to get by just on charm and wit.
Oll12: Well why not you look funny, so surely you still are funny?
Oll24: Technically yes. But my humour is much more sarcastic and cynical than yours.
Oll12: Oh...
Oll24: Basically, if you don't like the look of me or my life then you have to do a few things for me.
Oll12: Like what?
Oll24: Well... work hard at school and college you are more intelligent and capable than anyone will give you credit for, spend time doing things you enjoy, never ever, ever take up drinking coffee or smoking pot, spend your mock GCSE's writing songs it will help you in the future, get your parents to make you take music lessons, you'll always regret not doing that, don't make a fool of yourself just to get by in life, pity is not the same thing as respect, don't go out with a girl called Laura at 6th form college, she will fuck you up more than i can explain, stay at Pontefract college you'll get better grades even though you might not have much of a social life because they all think you're a wierdo. But most importantly listen to what that clever bloke Nick Southall is telling his little self because he's one of the wisest people i've ever met and he can articulate things in ways you and i can only dream of.
Oll12: But he looks like a pervert
Oll24: well yes but so do all the great thinkers and artist who've ever lived
Oll12: didn't they all die of syphillis too
Oll24: Yes, but there's time for that...

Much love

Oll

"Goddam I'm gonna remember to brush my teeth every day from now on, FUCKHEAD"

12 yr old me: "Your the mutha fuckin playa kid"
Me: "Pimpin ain't easy."

Sam12: Any advice?
Sam27: Yes. They're going to have this fashion round about the turn of the century for sticky-up hair. It will be the best thing that will ever happen to you. But you should start now because I can't bear the thought of you having a pudding bowl for your entire teenagehood.
Sam12: Facial hair never quite gets going though, does it?
Sam27: Why you little!

I don't know, I think I'd be too busy trying to mug my 12 year old self for her rare Duran Duran 12"s!

She'd be happy that I moved back to England, though. Though she'd probably be disappointed that I wasn't a fabulous popstar/successful artist/respected novelist, I'd tell her what things to stick with and what things to avoid so that she could be one.

'tis a good question. i don't think there's anything i could say to 12yr me.

i'd just hug him a while.

Me Now: How did I get here from there?
Me Then: You Don't know?
Now: No
Then: Any Pointers?
Now: Take more care of your jazz records, don't give up art even if you have to take it after school. Think really hard about why you want to go to university.
Then: Everyone goes to university.
Now: They do?
Then: Of course.
Now: Well at least think hard about what you're going to do.
Then: Okay. Just one question, the hair?
Now: University

MeNow: A Toledo Salamanca!
Me12: What's that?
MeNow: A sword, a very rare sword.
Me12: Is it worth much?
MeNow: Only about a million bucks.
Me12: (whistles)

To the top.

More people need to answer this, cos it's great

Bill (Tep@12): Your name is what?
Tep: Listen, it's a long story. Well, I mean, it's not, it's really short, but it always ends up being long because people think there's more to it. Let's skip that bit.
Bill: So how famous are you?
Tep: Well....
Bill: Why are we the same height?
Tep: See that in your hand?
Bill: This cup of coffee?
Tep: Apparently it really does stunt your growth.
Bill: So I stop getting taller and make up for it with big hair?
Tep: ... it's not BIG HAIR.
Bill: Bigger'n mine.
Tep: That's because you cut your hair really short because everyone in your family has straight hair so you think of curly hair as "messy." You'll get over that any minute now.
Bill: I think it just happened.
Tep: Good. Next?
Bill: Do we ever date ____?
Tep: Oh God, I forgot about her. Jesus no. Don't worry, don't worry, everything works out girl-wise.
Bill: Hm. Okay. Are you writing Spider-Man or anything?
Tep: Uh, no. Hey, I did write a superhero story, though.
Bill: Whoa! Me too!
Tep: -- yeah. But I mean. No, I mean one that doesn't suck. It's being published.
Bill: Like a book?
Tep: Well, it's a short story in a collection of other short stories.
Bill: Will they have it at the library? Is it going to make you famous?
Tep: -- well ... by "book," I mean "ebook," that's a --
Bill: I know what ebooks are.
Tep: Oh yeah, you do.
Bill: So in the future, ebooks replace books?
Tep: Not so much, no.
Bill: ... so you're not rich from the superhero story or anything.
Tep: It might make enough for me to ... buy a book.
Bill: Huh.
Tep: Yeah. Hey, but I wrote some roleplaying games. And comic books!
Bill: Spider-Man?
Tep: No, goddammit, I didn't write Spider-Man. It was this other thing. It didn't get published. The company disappeared.
Bill: Uh, okay. You're not rich at all, are you? Or famous?
Tep: Nope.
Bill: Maybe you should've gone to college after all.
Tep: Uh, I did. I mean, I'm actually in grad school right now, too. Again.
Bill: WHAT?
Tep: Shush. It's a lot different from school the way you think of it. You don't have to show up as much, for one thing.
Bill: So are there things you're supposed to tell me? Stuff I should do differently?
Tep: Yeah, well, about that. That's why all the smalltalk, you know. Can't decide.
Bill: Want a Moxie?
Tep: Fucking. A. Right. I. Do.

(One Moxie Later)

Tep: So, when was the last time you had to beat the crap out of someone to keep them from beating the crap out of your brother?
Bill: That was like ... yesterday, man.
Tep: Yeah.
Bill: What, he still does that? He's such a brat, he never knows when to shut up.
Tep: Yeah.
Bill: Is this where you tell me to stop protecting him so he can learn to face the consequences of his actions?
Tep: Easy there, Afterschool Special. No. Well, maybe. I don't know.
Bill: Does he piss someone off or something and not know how to defend himself?
Tep: Not really. No. No, I mean, these days, he's a weightlifter. He could actually probably kick my ass. I'm not sure why I'm saying "probably." Pride, I guess.
Bill: Oh, watch your back, dude. He's got a lot to get back at you for.
Tep: Nah, it's cool, we're tight. Bygones, man.
Bill: I'm just saying, when you're not looking --
Tep: Look, the thing is, he goes to prison.
Bill: What?
Tep: For seven years.
Bill: You're only 28, though. That means he's only 24.
Tep: Yeah. He was tried as an adult when he was 16. Armed robbery. Flight. Resisting arrest.
Bill: That's like ... not long from now.
Tep: Yeah. It's a year after I went to college, after you will go to college, whatever. After Mom and Dad split up --
Bill: Mom and Dad split up?!
Tep: Oh, come on, do you really care very much?
Bill: ... weird. No. Not really. Why is that?
Tep: It is what it is. After Mom and Dad split, Mom has to work four jobs to get things going, and you both take advantage of it to do your own thing: for you, that's writing horror stories and westerns and going to Denny's --
Bill: -- the place with the kids' menus you can wear as masks?
Tep: -- well, yeah. For your brother, it means drugs.
Bill: This is a farmtown, there aren't any drugs here!
Tep: You're very, very young, Little B.
Bill: What are you getting at, though? I should stay in town instead of leaving, and watch out for him so he doesn't get in trouble?
Tep: I don't know. I'm not sure that would work.
Bill: He doesn't get hurt or anything, does he?
Tep: Seven years in prison isn't exactly fun. But no. I mean, he's a better guy now that before he went in. He's happier, too. He doesn't get in trouble for anything anymore. He's got a good job, a girl, a kid on the way, he's responsible ... It changed him in more good ways than bad, maybe.
Bill: Couldn't they just send him to reform school or --
Tep: He'd already been. Several times. At one of them, he seduced one of the counselors.
Bill: ... dude ...
Tep: I know, right?
Bill: But what am I supposed to do? Are you saying I should stay and try to fix things before they get broken, or that it all works out for the best?

(A Moxie Later)

Tep: I don't know. Anyway, I gotta go make lunch. I think I was going somewhere else with this. It drifted. We cool?
Bill: We cool. Tell me something good, though, Future Guy. C'mon. Like ... robot blowjobs or something. Oh! Or the Red Sox, when do they win the World Series? Cause last year, they were so close, but then Buckner --
Tep: Don't go there, Little B.
Bill: So you're saying --
Tep: Just don't ask. Something good? All right. Two years from now?
Bill: Yeah?
Tep: Batman movie.
Bill: What?
Tep: For serious.
Bill: Is it awesome? I'll bet it's awesome.
Tep: It's wicked awesome.
Bill: THANK YOU, FUTURE TEP!

That's long cause I'm in novel-writing mode, I guess :)

12yoCJ : So, it all worked out just like I wanted then?
35yoCJ : Yup
12yoCJ : Cool!
35yoCJ : Very cool

A12: Well you look old. And tattoos? Ew.
A31: Dude, I'm only 31, I think I'm doing ok. I like these - they all mean something to me.
12: Whatever, loser. So you're a famous novelist?
31: Er...
12: Rock star?
31: Yeah, about that..
12: Oh for chrissake.. at least tell me we don't live in Maine anymore?
31: We don't. We live in LA.
12: Christ, from bad to worse. Okay, tell me the rest.
31: Well, it's a long story.
12: I got time.
31: Yeah, I guess you do. Okay, first things first. Stop fucking around at school. It's not going to do you any good, and come on, it's not like you have much else going on.
12: Hey, boys like me!
31: It's not about that, dumbass. Okay, where was I? Yeah, cut the crap and study. You're a smart kid, pay attention to that. Take more chances while you're young, and take advantage of the opportunities you get. They don't always come around again. Be yourself - don't change yourself for other people - most of them don't give a shit. When you're in highschool, don't date B****. Stay away from R****. After high school, if you're gonna have sex, and you will, be smart about it. Make it matter. Know, though, that sex doesn't equal love - it's okay to do it, just make sure it's because you WANT to. You're the one that matters here.
12: Ew, okay, yeah, whateverrrr. I'm never doing that.
31: TRUST me, kid. Um what else? Yeah, when you go to Colorado, be careful - stay away from L***. He's scary, and you'll carry around scars for a long long time because of that one. When you meet E*** (I married him, by the way - you don't have to), don't let him take you for granted. He's a good guy, but not the one for you. We do have Spencer as a result, though, and he's the most amazing thing ever to hap...
12: I HAVE A KID?
31: Settle down, ace - *I* have a kid. He's great, you'll like him. Anyway, ok my time is running short here, listen up: take care of yourself. If you don't, no one will. If someone offers you coke, say no. Don't go to South Carolina, and don't ever date your old friends from high school, trust me there. J***'s son dies on August 29, 1998 - if you can remember that, start calling J*****'s house at midnight - it might work, it might not. Brush your teeth, stand up straight, lose the attitude, don't loan R*** your surfboard or C**** your credit card, don't let S***** bully you - she and your dad are going to get divorced anyway. Trust yourself more, learn to drive earlier, buy that first cheery Mustang when you have the chance. Finish college, go to culinary school, read more, write more, don't ever let anyone tell you you aren't good enough, 'cause kid, you ARE. And yeah, wear sunscreen.
12: You're weird.

12: Do I get skinny?
26: Uh, no you're bigger actually.
12: WHAT???
26: It's ok, it looks good
12: HOW? Ok, does ES ask me out?
26: Well, no, he moves to New Jersey. And you'll meet one of his classmates later on, it's weird
12: So who is my boyfriend?
26: Um, about that...
12: So I get married? And have children?
26: Well, no. But you go to college.
12: But I don't want to!
26: And you go to a different high school.
12: Why?
26: You move
12: WHAT?????
26: Yeah it kinda sucks, but then you move to college, and that's good. And that you get to travel.
12: On my own??
26: I know! And you drink! And smoke!
12: NO! So is kissing with tongues gross or not?
26: Have you started reading Scruples yet, or is that at 13?
12: No, I started.
26: That stuff's not gross either
12: You're lying. Do I get a TV show?
26: No, but you've been on the radio.

12: So, you did end up kinda looking like Dad.
32: Shut up, dink.
12: Still playing tennis?
32: A bit but not as well as before. You're about to grow a few inches really quickly but not lose any coordination and you'll start playing basketball instead. You'll get skinny for a few years but then when you're 18 you'll get mono and you'll never feel as good again after and you'll pack it on again.
12: I'm glad I'll get skinny. Zits?
32: No, you'll be pretty lucky with that stuff. Won't help you with girls, though. You're gonna get kinda gawky looking and because the fam's money situation doesn't really get a whole lot better (though it won't be as bad as it's been for you) chicks won't dig you for your car or anything.
12: Do I have any fun?
32: Yeah, you'll make a few good friends soon and they'll help you make it through your teens.
12: Do I ever have sex? I'm already thinking I never will.
32: Yeah, when you're 19 but it'll suck. The girl's kinda crazy and she'll dump you a few days after because you'll lose it and want to make the relationship more serious than she's willing to make it. You'll meet other girls and eventually get married, but for now I'm not gonna talk to you about any of that stuff because you always have and always will have to learn the hard way.
12: Will I hurt people's feelings?
32: Yup, and have yours hurt. That's the way it goes, buddy.
12: Will anyone love me?
32: You bet but because you're an asshole you're never gonna believe it and you're always going to feel guilty about it. Maybe try not to do that if you can.
12: Who's dead?
32: Grandpa died just this year, Grandma O is still kicking but Grandma S is pretty out of it but still alive. You don't visit her after she forgets who you are. Maybe fix that. At least go and look at her so you don't forget what she looks like.
12: Why do I have a bad feeling about things?
32: It's our nature. I can tell you one thing, even though you like Uncle D*****, if he ever offers you a job tell him to suck your ass.

12: So you're happy?
24: Happier than you.
12: And you've had a girlfriend?
24: yep.
12: how many albums do you own?
24: too many.
12: HOLY SHIT, IS THAT POSSIBLE?
24: yep. And I can probably name over 100 albums I enjoy more than Out Of Time. Though not Cosmic Thing.
12: cool... Wait, is R.E.M. still your favorite band?
24: no, but they're the ones that got lame.
12: aren't you depressed about it?
24: kid, a lot's going to change in the next 12 years.

woah. I just realized the 12 year old me would never say holy shit. Change that to NO WAY!!!

12: So is it true? Are your schooldays the happiest days of you life? I mean, it's okay, but...
29: They're pretty good, yeah. And you do okay - you'll look back on those difficult teenage years with fondness.
12: so I get laid, then?
29: Not only do you get laid, but you use the date as your bank password!
12: So I only get laid once?
29: Oi!

Mark's password is 291003

And you were really tight, Southall.

I'm £5 richer, I can afford to be tight.

12: So... we don't lose any weight then.
21: No, but we lose hair. In massive clumps. People who shower in the same house as you are going to want to kill you.
12: Any other advice?
21: Don't give your heart to a football team or women whose name ends in the letter "y". No good will come of either. Oh, and Ayrton Senna's about to die.
12: (starts crying)

Then: You have a gut and thinning hair! you wear glasses & are taller than me. And what is that shirt you're wearing? "Joy Division"? Who the hell are they?

Now: shut up, we have some important things to go thru. Right then. there's this band that comes out of England. They're called My Bloody Valentine.

then: ew. sounds like heavy metal.

Now: far from it. they're about to come out with a very important album called "Isn't Anything?". Start mowing the lawn and saving your money. you know that record store that your friends talk about? start getting mom to take you there, on a weekly basis. your first purchase will be a record call "Let it Be" by this band that's about to break up. Your next purchase will be a record that's much faster out of California, called "Milo Goes to College". Start making friends with your friends' older brothers, and see if they'll take you with them to rock shows in Ann Arbor and Detroit.

Then: why do i care about music so much?

Now: when you're a freshman in college, you'll find out. It'll be your first roommate. But don't worry--you'll move out after 4 months. Oh yeah, and you know that 120 minutes show on MTV on sunday night? start taping it. Every episode. Never let your mom make you ditch the tapes. And don't let her throw away or sell your star wars figures or Transformers. Also, see this? This is an electric guitar.

Then: neat! but i play piano now. I don't like it much.

Now: Go out and buy records by Little Richard & Professor Longhair & the New York Dolls. You will have about 3 more piano teachers in the next 4 years. have them teach you those songs. Now this is how you play an A chord. And here, is a D chord and an E Chord.

Then: Okay

Now: Now this is a record by a band called "The Ramones". This is very important.

Then: will I ever go out with that one girl?

Now: No. you will with another for a short while, and then nobody for about the next 7-8 years.

THen: ...oh. that really sucks. you're depressing me.

Now: yeah. get used to that feeling, as you'll have to deal with it for the next 9 years. start going to a shrink now, and not the one that you saw when you were 9. he's friendly, but he's no good. Also, high school will be alternately good & boring & frustrating for you. Don't hang out with that drummer guy so much, but talk to some of his friends, the ones that don't drink or smoke, and they might come in handy. And stop playing computer games so much. Hang out with people, and run and don't shun sports. you're better at them than you think.

Then: but i don't want to conform...

Now: Shut up. It doesn't work like that. Also, when you're a freshman in college, do NOT move back home. Get a summer job as a computer help guy and do whatever you can to stay in ann arbor. Start going to all those rock shows that you see flyers for, and start listening to the campus radio station. Learn about studying your books int he library instead of in your dorm room, and join the Co-op program. Take any internship or co-op that gets offered to you.

then: this is a lot.

Now: oh yeah. You know that wanking thing you've just discovered? Get used to it. You're going to be doing a lot of it for the next 15 years.

Then: damn.

Now: don't worry. it'll turn out alright in the end. Maybe.

Then: will they ever make a new Star Wars movie?

Now: Don't ask.

Now: Kid, you'll turn out OK. They're will be some rough going at times, but you'll be OK. Just do this one thing.
Then: And that is?
Now: You'll get a chance to get an interest free student loan. Take it and invest it in Microsoft.
Then: That stupid company that makes the shitty BASIC package for CP/M?
Now: Yes. One side-effect of stupidity is that they won't ever stop. Anyway, just take the money, put it in Microsoft and forget about it for 8 years. It'll compound and you'll have money left over to pay back the loan many many many times over.

Then: So...have you gotten laid yet?
Now: Nope.
Then: AWW, MAAAAAN!!!

I think I'd have more to learn from me at 12 years old than vice versa.

29: oh, and you can use your hand for masturbation, you know.
12: ...

12: I have red hair?
28: This week. Don't be afraid to dye it, it's fun.
12: Everyone will freak out, though!
28: Exactly. As you can see, the breasts eventually happen too, so don't worry about it too much, and just be comfortable in your body. You've got a metabolism most people would kill for anyway.
12: Why am I dating D*****?
28: He's nice enough, and you're both pretty insecure. You'll muster up the self-confidence to break up with him soon. Don't worry about boys, for real. Most of them here won't understand you, but that's a failing on their part and not yours. Hold out for something good. Shit, I know I'm sounding like a school counselor, but it's true. Also you're going to meet an amazing guy precisely when you're not looking for one at all. And I mean really not looking, but I'm not going to say anything about that because you're going to have to figure that out for yourself.
12: Am I poor?
28: No, you do just fine. I didn't realize this until just a few years ago, but you're honestly smart enough to make good choices nearly all the time.
12: You sound like the D.A.R.E. teacher again.
28: They're mostly full of shit, but seriously, believe in your own abilities because you do some pretty amazing things when you're older.
12: So am I a scientist? or a writer?
28: Weirdly enough, neither. Or maybe both. You have a great job, you really enjoy it, and you're good at it. I shouldn't even be telling you this, but I'm getting ready to leave the job.
12: NO! Don't do that, you'll starve!
28: What did I just say about believing in yourself?
12: Why would you leave a job ever?
28: Jesus, I shouldn't have even gotten into this. This won't make you happy either, but I'm doing it partly because of that great guy.
12: NO! What happened to feminism?
28: Hey, don't freak out! It's a good move for everyone. It's time for me to make a change, and it happens to be a good time for both of us to make a change. Jesus, the point is not to worry about the future. You're just going to stress yourself out, and you don't need to do that because you're really smart and capable.
12: *begins crying*
28: *sighs* You're going to cry at all your job reviews, too, but your boss is really cool with it.
12: *continues crying*
28: You're going to continue to be really depressed through all of high school and part of college; it's going to be really awful sometimes. Stay away from guns and knives.
12: *sniffles* I get into college?
28: YES! You'll actually get a great scholarship and be spoiled for choice. This is what I'm talking about. Look at you! You know you're smart, but you still think you won't get into college? You have so much going for you; you're not going to screw it up.
12: *sobs uncontrollably*
28: Oh, come here, give me a hug. I know it's pretty overwhelming. Just try not to worry.

RJG now: my bloody valentine were from ireland.

Me: I can't tell you anything! Go away!!
12 Me: Why?
Me: If I do, everything will be different, it's too dangerous...
12 Me: What do you mean?
Me: Like if I tell you not to bother taking double science for GCSE, and then you take my advice, the whole nature of time and space could be destroyed, maybe the Berlin Wall will never fall, and we'll blow ourselves up with nukes. Maybe Spurs will win the league. Maybe in high school, you'll use your cricket bat to play cricket instead of as a substitute guitar. Myabe you'll actually talk to girls you develop crushes on, instead of sitting around listening to Skid Row and writing awful lyrics about being an outcast...I mean, anything I tell you could have a million earth shattering consequences.
12 Me: okay, see ya.

12 Me goes back in time. Reality ends.

jel otm

I can see the world being changed enough for the Berlin Wall to stay up, but Spurs win the league?

12yoJ: My hair grew out.
29yoJ: Of course it did. That's one thing I can tell you about your future, you won't have any more haircut traumas. Nothing severe anyway.
12yoJ: Cool! What about the glasses? Did my vision get better?
29yoJ: No. But there's thinner lenses now.
12yoJ: Ok, so what's up with my life as a grown-up? I mean, you're OLD. So, what did you get your doctorate in? Are you in love, married, what?
29yoJ: Um. None of the above, except for maybe the grown-up part. I don't even know how to tell you how plans changed and life changed. But I can give you bits of advice. What's funny is that part of the advice would be to take more risks. Don't be afraid to break rules and let loose more. Ignore all that bullshit self-doubt. And another part of the advice would be to take good care of yourself. When you have a gut feeling about something, pay attention, even if it's scary and something you'd rather ignore. That probably includes the feeling about Key West.
12yoJ: That makes no sense.
29yoJ: It will in retrospect. Next time you see Grandpa may be the last. Nobody has told you that he's dying. Hug him hard and tell him you love him, because you'll probably miss him for the rest of your life.
12yoJ: *sob*. Okay.
29yoJ: Try to be more outgoing, more confident. Stand up for yourself when people are assholes to you. Kick CJK in the balls when he tries things on you in art class. Maybe kick him in the balls anyway. In school, spend more time studying and less time worrying about whether you're stupid. Don't drop Seminar. Apply to Northwestern. Please don't berate yourself so much. Try to stop feeling like you have to prove yourself, and try to tone down the perfectionism. Recognize that you're going to fuck up, and that doesn't mean you're a failure. Don't worry so much about things socially--the people who are really important are there for you. Even when you don't realize it. Appreciate them. They're amazing people.
12yoJ: Uh, whatever. I'm not worried about my friends.
29yoJ: You'll move in a year and things will be very different.
12yoJ: Shit. What about boys?
29yoJ: There'll be boys. It would help if you weren't so shy with them. You'll date, but it's generally frustrating. There's one guy that you'll meet, though, who will teach your cynical self that love is possible.
12yoJ: But I don't end up with that guy?
29yoJ: Nope.
12yoJ: That sucks. So what should I think of the future and all of that?
29yoJ: I still haven't figured that one out for myself at 29. You'll find out what happens soon enough. Enjoy being 12 for me. And give that puppy of yours a hug, I miss him.

This thread makes me want to go round dispensing hugs. And makes me wish I'd worded mine better, but I had a go already and everyone else wins.

this thread is like ile's footprints

(that's saying something!)