Hotel room cooking

Hotel Hot Dogs, by Laurie Anderson:

(I invented this recipe when I was on a press tour in Germany. Usually the interviews went on all day and into the night and by the time they were over all the restaurants in town would be closed. So here's how to cook a pretty good dinner right in your hotel room.)

HOTEL HOT DOGS

The ingredients: 2 bratwurst (Oskar Meyers will also do). The utensils you'll need are: one lamp, a pocket knife, and wire strippers. Unwrap the bratwurst and place on bedside table. Unplug the floor lamp. Using the pocket knife, cut the lamp cord approximately 3 feet from the plug. With wire strippers, peel the insulation from the cord, leaving about 10 inches of exposed wire. Thread the wire through the bratwurst and tie off the wire at the end. Then, just plug it in! Cook until the bratwurst is crispy on the outside (approximately 2 seconds)* Make sure the cooking time doesn't exceed 3 seconds since the meat will explode at very high temperatures. Then just relax and enjoy! This dish is excellent accompanied by a glass of cool tap water. *In the US or other territories where 110 is used, add 2 additional seconds to cooking time.

Risotto is your friend here, I think.

Could you cook bacon in a Kirby Trouser Press? Possibly.

LOL @ exploding wire dogs

There's been rumors afloat that Laurie Anderson doesn't know how to call room service. This confirms my suspicion.

That 6 spice camping thing looks brilliant. Also, yes definitely on the risotto (I bought arborio rice yesterday, will make chicken stock from thighs tonight, still must buy wine (screw-top? or giant box)). Also, found some wonderful spice blends for sale in small packets at a cafe I visited with Ned and those have been great - sea salt w/ lavendar, very hot 7 spice blend, medium hot and toasty spice/seed blend.

Thanks for the suggestions everyone!

ps. one of my coworkers who's an electrician type set the smoke detectors for the entire hotel off the other day, by frying fish. The firemen who showed up declined to stay for dinner and beers. I'm tempted to tell him about the quick cooking hot dog wire technique right before I leave for home.

ha. you need a hot dogger, jaq (that 70s contraption that cooks weenies by electric current). i've seen one in action - much safer than the diy method.

OMG! We had one of those when I was a kid! I had totally forgotten - it had a row of metal spikes along each side of a tray that you used to hold the ends of the dogs; they kind of curved upward when impaled correctly. Then you closed the lid and they sizzled away.

The front desk rents toaster ovens for $20. Total highway robbery.

Jaq, I jes' emailed you.

!

I haven't got it yet :(

Oh, there it is!