Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z

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Dear fudge brownies w/the crust on the bottom,

I don't think we're good for each other, and I think we should stop seeing each other. Please make an effort not to flaunt your deliciousness during the workday.

Blood diamonds,
Jordan

― Jordan, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:05 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ghost rider,

Being conditioned to wake up regularly at 5:30 am for my job kinda means that I'm usually up and scrounging for tea or something by 7 am even on my days off. Why I don't try and break this habit = itisamystery.gif, but I thank you for your concern.

Love
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:12 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Pot,

Thanks for everything. Self-medicating with you may cost me my intelligence, drive and trim figure, but you've saved me untold thousands in perscription anti-depressants and therapy bills.

Love,
Your Friend,
Max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Spelling,

Y U HATE ME

Love,
Max

P.S. "Prescription."

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:18 (seventeen years ago) link

dear max,

sorry for being a jerk to you yesterday. jfk, bro.

blood diamonds,
zr

― pretzel walrus, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:21 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear zr,

When were you a jerk to me?

xoxo

Max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:23 (seventeen years ago) link

(i don't want to ruin the flow of this thread but i propose that all ILX posts start being constructed in terms of "dear X, love Z")

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:24 (seventeen years ago) link

oh on the penn. music thread, but wvs!

― pretzel walrus, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh jeez well

Dear Bro,

Sorry I said your family sucks. I have a natural antipathy toward Pennsylvania, but that's hardly an excuse. I'm sure your family isn't Amish/stupid/ugly.

w fond affection,
max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:26 (seventeen years ago) link

dear max,

don't sweat it! i was in a terrible mood yesterday and you know, way overreacted. and no, my family isn't amish. sometimes they send me emails like this:

ZACK
HAY I HOPE THIS IS YOU! I THINCK I GOT YOUR EMAIL RIGHT.
I AM STILL TRYING TO PUT SHIT TOGETHER TO SEND YOU.
I AM A LITTLE COMP STUPID BUT I AM LEARNING.
FIRST I HAVE TO LEARN TO SPELL TO.
WE BEEN WORKING ON SOME GOOD BLUEGRASS STUFF YOU HAVE TO HEAR IT.
SOME OF IT GOOD SOME YOU WILL L.O.L. BUT IF YOU AND YOUR BAND GET GOOD THAT YOU THINK YOU CAN PLAY OUT I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE IN SCRANTON TO GET YOU A SHOW OUT HERE.MAY NOT PAY MUCH PUT THE EXPOSER WILL BE GOOD. HEY AGAIN IF THIS IS YOU EMAIL ME BACK AND LET ME KNOW. ITS LATE NOW 3:45 A.M. I JUST GOT BACK FROM FISHING AND I REMEMBERED I HAD YOUR E MAIL SO I AM WRITEING. EMAIL EMAIL ME BACK AND LET ME KNOW ITS YOU.
TELL MOM & DAD

& SIS I SAID HI!
MIKE

they're good folks.

live long, love strong,
zr

― pretzel walrus, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX,

I know you sometimes hate me, but I love you and I'm glad you're there,

Love,

Rumps

― rumpie, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Max,

Good idea about every post on ILX being formatted like this.

Love

Mr. Que

― Mr. Que, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:43 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Upstairs Neighbors Who Stole my Storage Space,

So, yeah, I know it was you guys who stole my storage closet downstairs. Because, you see, my evaporative cooler was sittin' pretty down there and then one day I went downstairs and there was a padlock on the closet door. Yeah, and you had just moved in a few weeks prior. My deductive skills are stellar. Anyway, I seriously hate you people. You are a trashy, ex-meth addict looking couple who both seem to have no jobs, because if I am ever home on weekdays, there you are, sprawled out on the sidewalk smoking Winston lights. Also, I don't know if you know this, but since you live above me, I hear your every move. Girl of trashy couple, I hear you sobbing hysterically like a fucking mental patient at least three times a week. Both of you, you wake me up with your three hour-long fucking sessions almost every other night. Seriously, it stirs me from my slumber and I am probably the deepest sleeper I know of. It's really gross when you have parties and your disgusting friends come over. I bet your apartment smells like bong water.

Peace out,
Mandee

― homosexual II, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:50 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear downstairs neighbor who comes very loudly every morning at 7am plus or minus a minute so consistently than I have given you the nickname O.A.C. (Orgasm Alarm Clark) and talk about you on the internets:

Please take a morning off.

Respectively,
Sarah McLusky a.k.a. Apartment 1

― KitCat, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:00 (seventeen years ago) link

DAER INTERNET

STOP HAVING ME EVERYWHERE

YR PAL

ERROR

― 404 Error: Page Not Found, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:06 (seventeen years ago) link

geez, this thread makes me glad I live in a house and never have to hear strangers' orgasms

― Ms Misery, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear My Various Apartment Neighbors Over These Past Five Years:

Given the various stories reported above, thank you all for being polite and discreet.

Love,
The Guy in K105

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:11 (seventeen years ago) link

dear 114

will you come visit me in 7263 soon

love 600

― 600, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:17 (seventeen years ago) link

dear ilx,

hey, when nu-ilx crashes, would you mind not going to the sandbox? dc was trying to plan happy hour over there and then everything went down ;_;

thanks!

love,
ghost rider, who isn't sure if he'll be able to post this without getting an error message or if it'll end up a triple post or something

― ghost rider, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ghost rider,

Fear not, it's all part of THEE CODE UPGRADE!

Love,
One of the Secret Team Behind It All

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:15 (seventeen years ago) link

It's not a secret any more then is it!

― Keith, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:16 (seventeen years ago) link

dudes,

check out the --.

I did that,

Me

― TOMBOT, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:17 (seventeen years ago) link

It's not a secret any more then is it!

Minor details.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Sandboxers,

Whatever the hell happened there has scrambled the DB. Yay for old ILX code. I've had to take it down before it did much more damage. I'll try and repair it and then transplant it over here or summat.

Yrs,
Stet

― stet, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:18 (seventeen years ago) link

dear stet,

oh, ok. does this mean sandbox is dead now?

love,
alex

ps maybe this was discussed before but couldn't this "convert" button just be made automatic???
pps thanks for listening to our bitching and changing shit

― ghost rider, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Secret Team Behind It All,

You're doing a good job, brohomulons!

Love in Jesus,
Max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:23 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ghost rider,

The sandbox will move from ilx.thehold.net, aye. And if I can fix up the DB, we'll probably use it here on 8090 to test new code on. Or I'll put up an archive of the pages or summat. I'll need to see what's wrong with it first.

Cheers,
Stet

― stet, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:24 (seventeen years ago) link

dear ned,

i think you missed ghost rider's point with your reply to him regarding code upgrades here.

sincerely,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Friday, 30 March 2007 20:26 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Ally,

Oh, probably.

Yours,
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:28 (seventeen years ago) link

600,

8080

love will

― Will M., Friday, 30 March 2007 20:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear loud neighbor I was bitching at before,

After your friend came into your room at 1:45 last night, and you went "oh OMG Sheree!" in that loud voice, I distinctly heard two people say "Music Sounds Better with You." But then you played some other really annoying song. If I'm going to be awake listening to your music, please don't tease me by mentioning (but not playing) songs I'd actually enjoy hearing!

Worst,
Me Again

― nabisco, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Secret Coding Team,

Xpost warning is grebt.

LUB
hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:46 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear guy next door whose name I know but am not going to post on the Internets,

It's funny that when your wife is home later than you from work, you play your Thin Lizzy or Horslips incredibly loudly until she gets in. It's funny, but only because I like you.

Regards,

Trish

― accentmonkey, Friday, 30 March 2007 21:08 (seventeen years ago) link

dear puppy,

earlier, straight after your short dream about being sir harry: mortal enemy of the pomeranian, you snored. yes you did, i taped it.

xxestela

― estela, Friday, 30 March 2007 21:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear new boss,

I gather from my former boss that you lost one testicle in a motorcyle accident as a teenager. You do not need to keep feeling for the other one to make sure it's there.

Love

Nervous newly promoted employee

― ljubljana, Friday, 30 March 2007 21:50 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Landlord Who Lives Above Me,

Thanks for getting and English Mastiff puppy that's already clocking 100 pounds. The barking is really cute too.

Plz have another karaoke party soon, where you and your boyfriends get drunk and sing showtunes.

Thx,
molly

― molly mummenschanz, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:41 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Gyros,

I love you but why must you be so sloppy and impossible to cook at home?

Yours always,
Mme. Stainedshirt

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear jokes featuring human testicles,

Thank you for being the only good part of eighth grade to stay with me. You never cease to cheer.

Fondly,
Abbott

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:47 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear university (!) students whose essays i'm marking,

It's called a dictionary - they are even on the internet now, so it is not hard to look up words you don't actually know the meaning of, yet insist on using. Also, there are these things called paragraphs. And transitions between paragraphs. You know, which are meant to provide structure to your argument.

ugh,
robyn's patience

― rrrobyn, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:55 (seventeen years ago) link

dear self,
have a drink.
okay,
robyn

― rrrobyn, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Trout,

Why are you so curvy and difficult to brush sauces onto?

love
da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Trout no need the sauces!

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:59 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX-

This thread looks like it was fun. Sorry

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:01 (seventeen years ago) link

OOPS

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX-

This thread looks like it was fun. Sorry I missed it. I was busy going to boring meetings and getting bad news over the phone from an auto mechanic.

Best,

Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Roommates,

SERIOUSLY, when you're cleaning up (and you deserve a whole 'nother letter abt. the totally WTF move of cleaning up for the first time, like, EVER), and you see that I've left shit on the table, the PROPER THING TO DO is LEAVE IT THERE FOR ME TO DEAL WITH. That way I don't have to spend TWENTY MINUTES going through the goddamn garbage to find my things. You fucks.

Sincerely,
Max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dan,

BUY BOOZE ON THE WAY HOME TO MAKE UP FOR ENDLESS MEETINGS/CRISES

xoxoxo,

Dan

― HI DERE, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Abbott,

You are right, but it's this delectable spicy white cheese mustardy sauce. I have leftovers, I will send it through the mails for yr taste buds.

love,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dan,

I second Dan's advice

Love,
The Guy Having Some Sake with Dinner

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Grady-

Do what Dan is doing.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:07 (seventeen years ago) link

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