Making love to black metal - share rituals and techniques etc, whatever

furious trajectory across the sky leading a host of the slain pwns "lightning bolt

odin's name means "fury". zeus turned someone to stone for stealing a golden dog he liked as a baby (gay).

zeus also too distracted by the ladies to be very serious

Just making certainty that this is serious!!

This one: <i>although maybe it is indeed Popeye who sings, for like him it is sounding, hihi!</i>

uff da, it is the funniest thing in the internet?

With the passing of winds has come the advent of a new breed, an army of so-called 'avant-garde' black-metallers like Deathspell Omega and that most troglodyte of creatures, Malefic. Even Dodheimsgard and Mayhem have returned with a vengeance, creating bewildering, near-incomprehensible tracts of horrible noise for our misery and disentertainment. Thus it follows that one's lovemaking must adapt accordingly. No more 'in out shake it all about'; instead, as Deathspell Omega's guitarist begins abother atonal seizure, you withdraw and frenziedly start trying to shag all the walls of the room instead. Then when you cannot, retire to atop a cupboard and weep. This is the new black metal loving, guaranteed 30% more Satanic.

You are boring everyone, probably!

With "Dodheimsgard"

I shall call them DHG from now on. It is what all their most cursed and therefore best fans know them to be. They make funky sounds for desperation lovers.

Oh god, what? Is this ALL joking, because parts seem serious? This is what I came to ask before about "Janne Karlsson?"

It is no joke. It is our expression of total despair through the destruction of sexual congress and the slow descent into dementia that comes with the New Black Metal love technique.

Not asking about you, probably! You have demonstrated a joke already by typing "Dodheimsgard."

ouch

Dodheimsgard are a joke, yes, a single joke in the stand-up routine that is the Apocalypse. Hail.

Hails to you also, I did not intend a painful joke (as this one said, "ouch"), but I assume it is not a serious blog about black metal because of that mentioning. (Also, it is obviously not serious with the one about Popeye!)

And yes, it is a joke dude to the title. This is made obvious, but some postings seem more than serious. I mainly wonder about "Janne Karlsson", if this person is real.

Who comes here?

Well I am now uinderstanding this place. And I now have made stupid mistakes on coding, which I can fix?

And I now know, is what I am meaning there.

good thread

And I now know, is what I am meaning there.

Existential triumph?

I would not be making it so extreme, but ok!

Welcome, Pål. You are right, this is a joke thread, and as far as I know everyone here was joking around, though most of us are black metal fans. Janne Karlsson is a fiction, of course.

I would have bet on that. Thank you, "moley!"

Taking sides: Janne Karlson Vs Luna

What is it?>

BTW, Attila does sound like Popeye.

Who disputes it?!

Not I!

penis liek ;_;

-- Thomas Fratta, Saturday, 6 November 2004 21:45 (3 years ago)

DHG is horrible
dodheimsgard is the greatest shit ever

plus, i think vortex needs to sing in more bands

this thread needs to be revived every so often ...

Can anyone locate the thread where Sami & Janne are bragging about their repective bands and threatening each other?

but frostbite on genital is no fun, i warn you.

― Vas Djifrens, Thursday, November 4, 2004 7:22 AM (4 years ago) Bookmark

no, it doesn't sound like fun

o_O

good times, this thread LOL

How did I miss this thread? It may be the best ever.

stuffing my slatanic stump in her soggy sewer brings forth blackward banal messages farting from her mayhemic windpipe.

this is the greatest sentence in language

Make sour hate to me, o rancid one

but frostbite on genital is no fun, i warm you.

How did I miss this thread? It may be the best ever.

― ô_o (Nicole), Saturday, May 29, 2010 9:55 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

just about ANYTHING involving the ILX black metal crew is comedy gold.

Enough! This novelty shit is fucking shit. First parrot, then dog, then koala are to sing for some shitful joke band? It is ridiculous!

i make hate ("love" is a christianized value, which i spit on and stamp into ground) in the way of my wolfen brethren. i come and conquer like beast and leave them quaking in fear, my black seed gestating in their womb like virus. i leave in morning without trace, only my scat left on the cold floor. it is the blackest of ways, the nightspirit wills it.

the inimitable vas djifrens

Of course as you know Drusilla usually prefer the Lacuna Coil and so forth when making hate, though sometimes she get drunk and on this occasion ask that I put on Bestial Warlust while she light black candle. What we then do is not for me to say, but I can tell you it is not to drink tea and have cucumber fucking sandwich.

can't believe pal utlendi was 2 years ago

Sami, if you ever meet a woman, you should really try making love to black metal, it's unbelievable.
-- the music mole (colinsbarrowREMOV...), November 4th, 2004.
also, cleaning house, watering plant (well in my case feed flies and blood to death plant), and hunting for food just to beginn to start with. black metal is not just music it is lifestyle!
black metal also get bloodstains off weapons, it is quite ingenious the ways it can be applied. i tend to leave blood of enemies on though. power is gained through their slaughter.

-- Vas Djifrens

it is not to drink tea and have cucumber fucking sandwich.