how to take a poop at work.

i don't shit in a multi-stalled bathroom at work

we put in a single-use gender-neutral bathroom and that's what i use

I am such a quiet stealth pooper at work that I admire the women who blow the place up while other people are having conversations by the sinks.

Our HR person makes such horrific noises and sighs so much when she's in the stall that someone requested they pipe music in and they actually did.

Every place needs to pipe in music. It's such a stupid thing that they don't. I love all the toilets in Japan that have a button for white noise or music.

i like to sound an airhorn continuously while i poop at work

someone needs to invent a reverse-panopticon bathroom design where no one can see (or hear) anyone

Toilets here are generally in fully walled stalls so you can’t hear others

must be nice. today someone pulled the ol' peep thru the crack in the stall to see if it was truly occupied but i'm not psychotic enough to hang a strip of toilet paper over the crack while i go

The single stall/handicap bathroom at work (unknown people would come from other floors to poop in it lol) had the worst design. The lock was one of those that you weren't ever sure if it was fully locked, when you went to test it, it would unlock. And the toilet was far from the door, so if the door was indeed not locked and someone walked in, you would have to stand up and run three steps to the door to shove it close. I understand that the room needed the space but that f'ing lock.

A bar I used to go to in Prague had a single toilet in a long room, with a door with a broken lock that opened up to the whole room. And that wasn't even the worst thing about the place, it was a skinhead bar we only ever went to because we knew we could buy weed there.

xp I discovered a while ago that the cubicle doors at my work are easy to unlock from the outside. luckily I feel like I do not work with anyone who would do such a thing and I'm usually paranoid enough to make sure nothing would be visible by default anyway, but still not ideal

(the lock indicator was in a halfway position and I'd already checked the cubicle was empty but for some reason decided to push the outside of the lock gently with my finger, and in fact the entire lock could move all the way from locked to open and back by swiping the outside vacancy indicator)

current peeve: the sanitary bin is taller than the toilet seat and barely an inch away from it so if you are a larger lady you have to arrange yourself quite carefully on the seat to avoid the bin touching your bare thigh

I keep thinking about complaining about this and then thinking of the horror of writing to the facilities guy to say "hello, here is how fat I am, now think about my bare thighs. signed, a fatty"

splashback solution:

https://i.imgur.com/iLMx1kU.png

i used to be self conscious about doing this but now I just fucking dump it out. don't even care.

better than letting whistlers fly at the desk

boss makes a dollar, i make a dime
that's why i poop on company time

I go to other floors so I won't run into my direct coworkers. It's not shame, specifically. Nor is it a denial that I have bodily functions, it's more like... I want to preserve an arm's length distance between me and my immediate coworkers.

I prefer to be a bit of a mystery, and to retain a zone of privacy. I don't even like to eat in the office if I can possibly avoid it. I don't want to go to lunch with coworkers, or drinks after.

I am here to work and that's it. I already have friends. I already have a family. I don't need work peeps to be either entity.

or work poops amirite

Wokka wokka

I poop at work every day and it’s been pretty amazing lately, just word class poops that leave me weak-kneed

Been desperate to tell someone

congrats, getting paid to poop is the best

Pooping at work is mandatory. What is the key here is not getting splashed with yr own deuce juice by a zealous auto-flush.

i will admit, before I was virtual, i definitely milked bathroom time. it was the best. a 20-30 minute break, bring the boombox into the can and play your fav jams