Rolling Worst Music of 2017

That Elgort video is pretty good on mute, cause you know, cute mostly-naked boy + Cocaine Noir visuals.

I hope his acting is better than his singing, otherwise he might ruin the upcoming Edgar Wright movie that he's starring in.

The Elgort song is mostly guilty of trying too hard. It reminds me a bit of that Kiefer Sutherland country track from last year in that regard (although that was way funnier).

Those Fellatia Geisha tracks are just straight up appalling, through. Like Kitty (Pryde) performing lyrics written by Milo Yiannopoulos.

haha that ansel elgort song is hilariously bad, thread delivers

fjm is annoyingly bad ;_;

apparently there's a 13-minute song kicking around but I don't feel up to torturing y'all on that level

This is from 2014, but I was just sent it because he's touring:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXYgLPBfF_w

At long last, the lead single of a certain animated group's upcoming 4th album. No, not that one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7A6-WllOSQ

This Prozzak song isn't good, but they were probably one of the very last turn-of-the-millennium bands that I would have expected to still be around in 2017, so that's something.

Well their upcoming album, due in March, is called "Forever 1999".

wow 2017 shaping up to be worse than last year

wonder if that arthur brown shit is to poor for tom waits to sue

alternate titles: "Sia Continues To Not Do Subtext"; "I Didn't Expect Melanie Martinez To Be Where Katy Perry Is Being Positioned, Huh"; "If You Told Me Katy Perry Was Doing 'Pleasantville' I Would Have Expected Pinup Shit"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gsGhdZDC-0

"stumbling around like a wasted zombie" is a great description of whatever the chorus is trying to do

there's something so awkward about how capitalism/mainstream pop absorbed counterculture in the way it's expressed here - it's like when Dr. Evil does the "i'm hip" routine

worst indeed

the thing is, it isn't really counterculture at all. it's Sia writing a Sia song that is essentially "Chandelier"

I only meant to suggest that criticizing popular culture within a pop framework is awkward when the content of the critique is so banal/superficial/"without any subtext"

it isn't really counterculture - but doesn't it rely on misconstrued countercultural aesthetics?

imo a song that tells people they are zombies and have to find real purpose in such vague terms is virtually insidistinguishable from telling people to get real jobs and stop watching reality tv

30 years ago
http://www.rollingstone.com/tv/lists/35-incredible-things-that-mtv-gave-us-w431175/the-words-promo-w431566

Fuck, Sia has really dropped off in quality since We are Born - not sure if it's related to her sobering up and doing music 24/7 or the money. Happy for her health-wise I guess.

xp promo otm and a self-indictment

am I horrible if I say sia's best bits were zero 7 vocals

Nope.

Otoh, "I'm watching porn in my hotel dressing gown" is v Rolling Worst Music 2002.

(picture of Trump in bathrobe)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRhZFNHrT6c

Bryson Morris sings that song / so i don't even bother

I like that he has braces.

Dare I stick my head out and admit that I sort of like the Katy Perry song, just a bit put off by the rubbish lyrics and scansion

I cannot get past that Cocorosie/ANHONI song

The best thing that I will say about that Perry song is that, after hearing it maybe twice, it doesn't actively annoy me in any way. Other than that, I can't right now recall a single thing about it.

Filed under "Machine-gunning fish in a barrel":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hlSgENWCcU

http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/dcmovies/images/b/ba/1966_Batsignal.jpg/revision/latest%3Fcb%3D20120909125345

Jessie Ware co-wrote this. I'm horrified

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwzD8U4u76k

Go fuck yourself, Ed.

wow, fuck this guy so much

Gross

I know you're lonely
Please remember you're still free
To make the choice and leave
Don't call me up, you need to show me

another very strong contender indeed

"New Man" is bad but "Galway Girl" is jaw-droppingly awful - terrible lyrics, too many words for its melody, awful performance, patronising sentiment, kill it with fire

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gL-WVjvzu34

i think ed wants to fuck the new man tbh

I guess there had to be a first time that someone rhymed "asshole bleached" with "every single Ministry CD". The guy they're describing doesn't really sound like your average Ministry fan though.

blu ray
true say

So the Ed Sheeran album is definitely the worst album of the year? Or is Sun Kil Moon still the one to beat?

Some brief moments on the Koz record are at least legitimately funny. Then again, it's also 7,000 years long.

and he has yet to sully the good name of Jessie Ware

So the Ed Sheeran album is definitely the worst album of the year? Or is Sun Kil Moon still the one to beat?

― Frederik B, Tuesday, March 7, 2017 8:36 AM (seven hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Didn't you say the new SKM "is the most I've ever liked Mark Kozelek"?

That's a low bar, and I'd only made it through three tracks at that point...

But the sad truth is probably that I'd prefer abysmal failure to competent and boring... I also kinda like the first Sheeran single, am fascinated by the rest.

🤷 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Highly insulting in regards to the first 3 SKM records! Though not sure if you've ever tried them.

youtube is currently having a spirited debate over a) whether there is in fact a bar on grafton street b) whether he meant a cross street c) whether there just USED to be a bar because omg it's about his parents omg so sweet d) whether it doesn't matter because ed's songwriting simply cannot be contained by such matters as facts

...the...song...title.

Just, no.

https://soundcloud.com/thehernies/padawan-of-your-love

Also the more I think about it, doesn't the song title basically mean the equivalent of "Hi, I'm the little kid you used to babysit and I'm all grown up now I think and I wanna do you. I hate sand."

yeah it's going to get record/song of the year noms for sure unless the grammys just give up and give every song that hit number one in its nomination period (which ended yesterday) a nod

that list, btw, would be (in reverse chronological order)

bodak yellow
look what you made me do
despacito
i'm the one
that's what i like
humble
shape of you
bad and boujee
black beatles
starboy (woof) and
closer (WOOOFFFF)

despacito owned the charts huh

Last call to get some nominations in here for the worst song of 2017.
I'll likely run a poll in late December.

Is that one where Ed Sheeran keeps saying "I'm in love with your body" on here?

If not, that.

did Meghan Trainor sit this year out or something

crypto, reposting this for you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1-pKWOt2yM

meghan trainor is on a talent show panel with diddy and dj khaled

she also put out a dumb smurfs tie-in song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyL3YKK_1BI

Eminem - Walk On Water

That American Soul song U2 did on SNL this week should be in the mix.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efi4SCY0TA0

"refujesus"

that smurfette track is very bad

lol, i forgot that trainor's debut album was 'title'

it's useful at least as a marker for showing why kelly clarkson's 'whole lotta woman' and kesha's 'woman' are really quite good

https://themuse.jezebel.com/the-worst-songs-of-the-year-2017-when-pop-nearly-kille-1821231799

Katy Perry ft. Migos, “Bon Appetít”
Maroon 5 f. SZA, “What Lovers Do”
Look What You Made Me Do, Taylor Swift
Ed Sheeran, “New Man”
Louis Tomlinson, “Miss You”
Katy Perry, “Swish Swish”
Miley Cyrus, “Malibu”
Portugal. The Man, “Feel It Still”
Branchez & Big Wet, “Turn Up on the Weekend”
Chainsmokers f. Florida Georgia Line, “Last Day Alive”

why would they include Malibu tho?

also, I know they had to pick a token Sheeran track, but I think they should have clarified in the blurb that every Ed Sheeran track is the worst

is this the shortest a worst-of-the-year thread has ever been, in 2017 of all years

too much horrible shit to mind in all other corners of life imo

i was pretty impressed by how awful that branches & big wet song is

swish swish is a bad song but it really requires the video to move over into terrible

I don't know what a JMSN is, but this is some garbage:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrWVngO2gu8

That’s the only worst-songs-of-the-year list from a major publication this year? Come on, ILM writers, you can do better than that! Where’s Whiney?

EW’s five worst songs of the year:
5. Katy Perry, “Into Me You See”
4. Post Malone feat. 21 Savage, “Rockstar”
3. The Chainsmokers, “Break Up Every Night”
2. DJ Khaled feat. Chance the Rapper, “I Love You So Much”
1. Bhad Bhabie, “These Heaux”

Five worst albums:
5. Prophets of Rage
4. Lil Yachty, Teenage Emotions
3. The Chainsmokers, Memories... Do Not Open
2. Kid Rock, Sweet Southern Sugar
1. Chris Brown, Heartbreak on a Full Moon

kind of a layup there tbh

time puts post malone at #1:

http://time.com/5048308/top-10-worst-songs-2017/

esquire brings in taylor swift’s powerpoint presentation

http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/music/g14470314/worst-songs-of-2017/

not linking uproxx’s because it was poorly written trash

young & menace is kind of amazing

it is! easy to hate though

"bhad bhabie" isn't really any worse that a dozen other people doing similar work; picking on her seems unimaginative

if you want to be galaxy brain cynical you will likely not piss off any advertisers by shitting on bhad bhabie

anyone who didn’t have qveen herby on their list didn’t plumb the depths enough

I know 2017 is over, but I'm still plowing through 2017 year-end playlists and just came across this ghastly thing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtVFTuIZFYU