bill simmons IS bill simmons IN the book of BASKETBALL

i couldnt make it halfway through either of those

i think it's given me a moment of clarity though that boogie will never be on the celtics

i think they will get him and itll go one of two ways...

the ringer naming a bit after some rando movie no one remembers is a lil too on the nose

so not reading that

whoa that is the worst fanfic i've ever read

i used to think '2008 nfl re-draft' was the worst kind of sports idea but no longer

Celtics coach Brad Stevens never expected Cousins to settle on Beacon Hill, an iconic Boston neighborhood known for its brick sidewalks, winding hills, and vast array of stores and restaurants. Both Stevens and boss Danny Ainge believed that Cousins was better served living near the team’s new practice facility in Allston-Brighton. But Cousins didn’t want to play for Boston; he wanted to breathe it. One day after what’s been affectionately nicknamed The Heist (we’ll get to that), Cousins spent two hours wandering through Back Bay, through Boston Common and down Charles Street before heading up to Cambridge. When he glanced left and noticed Shriners Hospitals for Children, that’s when Cousins knew. Beacon Hill. It had to be.

worst boston wish fulfillment fantasy since boondock saints

that paragraph can't possibly be real

*snorts a line of the finest powdered wahlberg*

boogie strolling around beacon hill w/a baguette under his arm is the most insane image anyone has ever conjured

A longtime Raiders fan, he respectfully shunned the Patriots but won points locally by frequenting Fenway Park, one of many reasons he clicked with Bostonians right away. “They’re like me,” he offers. “They care, they really care. They actually care too much. They can be a little hot-headed about it. That’s like me. We just understand each other.”

simmons is fascinatingly bad at voice or capturing the way a human might speak

Every Celtics home game feels especially Boogie-centric. You can’t walk 5 feet without seeing a Cousins jersey. During the introduction of the starting lineups, every Celtics starter gets cheered until the announcer belts, “And from the University of Kentu- …” as the remaining words get drowned out. Every Cousins trip to the foul line, and there have been a slew of them, triggers serenades of either “Boo-gee! Boo-gee!” or “M-V-P! M-V-P!” And Gino’s goofy victory dance from the KG era died of natural causes, getting supplanted on the video screen by KC and the Sunshine Band singing “Boogie Shoes” (and, of course, Boogie’s head superimposed on KC). Celtics play-by-play legend Mike Gorman says simply, “Only Larry. That’s the only other guy who had … this.”

https://giant.gfycat.com/HarshInnocentFrenchbulldog.gif

http://deadspin.com/inspiring-man-who-single-handedly-brought-down-roger-g-1791962914

On the perception that, between HBO canceling his show and Medium abandoning his business model, his post-ESPN ventures have not had a great year:

I mean, people love to construct narrative.

heh

have to admire his dedication to the trade concepts lifestyle

On inventing the concept of “blogging” in 2016:

And what we’ve realized is, there’s like a three-hour window after something happened when you have to have a piece up.

Let’s say Paul George gets traded to the Celtics. At Grantland, maybe we wait until the next day to write about that. Here, we have to write within three hours, because there’s a three-hour window where I’m like, “Paul George got traded to the Celtics and I want to read everything about it.”

how long before the ringer is just a podcast network

Snapchat doesn’t give a fuck.

snapchat is like so trill

Did Bill Simmons run over Deadspin's dog or something? They really seem to have an ax to grind with him.

yeah it's pretty sad

Not that I like the Ringer at all.

The Ringer remains a joke
https://theringer.com/lebron-is-the-eastern-conferences-savior-8ab5602aed43#.oz34l9wlf

San Antonio Spurs

The Spurs, as relevant in 2013 as when LeBron was drafted, were hoping to bolster their dynasty by taking title no. 5, with more potentially on the way. After winning in ’99, ’03, ’05, and ’07, they were looking to make an unprecedented second run at a sequence of championships thanks to both the longevity of Duncan and the surging star that is Kawhi Leonard. Six years after their last title, this looked like the beginning of a second dynasty.
But instead, they were the victim of a motivated LeBron and one of the greatest shots of all time. They came back to beat the Heat soundly in 2014, but the damage was already done. The Spurs would win their final title of the Duncan era without ever going back-to-back.

ok then

a spurs team so damaged that they came all the way back next year to beat the heat 4-1 and send LeBron back to Cleveland.

the simmons-av club school for all its obsession with narrative really doesnt understand how it works, like youre not supposed to tell people youre doing it, the writing workshop is not the point of writing

is bill simmons the terminus of postmodernism lol

https://twitter.com/BillSimmons/status/844235006100692992

I can't tell if he's joking or not. If he is, swing and a miss. If he isn't, then ffs dm that shit or better yet, get over it pettypants.

Jonah even credits him at the end of the article, lol

even if this weren't so petty and absurd -- 'i invented ranking players, so no one else can do that, even in different sports, forever' -- bill simmons is not going to win a twitter popularity contest with jonah keri

i'm pretty sure it's not serious

If it was a joke, surely he would've sent a followup tweet smoothing everything over. I bet it was a DM that accidentally went public, like his "Moss Vikings" accidental tweet all those years ago.

it is a horribly formed joke

bill simmons has always been unfunny which is why his career as a comedy writer made me question life itself

new whitlockkkkk

https://www.wsj.com/articles/how-a-gawker-affiliated-website-made-espn-politically-correct-1494187629

ESPN has recently faced public scrutiny beyond its control, an experience that has humbled the cable giant.

he's such a garbage writer, this is his first sentence of what is supposed to be a hard-hitting piece

wow is the wsj really desperate enough to let whitlock in the door?

The consensus opinion blamed the network’s woes on overly expensive live-sports contracts and subscriber losses attributed to cable “cord-cutting.”

That’s accurate but incomplete. What has truly impeded ESPN from overcoming its financial mistakes and inability to adapt to technological advances? The decadelong culture war ESPN lost to Deadspin, a snarky, politically progressive sports blog launched by Gawker’s Nick Denton in 2005.

i'm dying

hahaha this is such a bullshit take

i'm not reading the whole thing but obviously it is completely insane

this is like an investigative report authored by an eleven year old donald trump

it is so funny to me how an ostensibly sober, economic minded publication like the WSJ gets so in their feelings over culture warrior shit.

"well theres all this technological change and young ppl dont watch tv anymore but the REAL problem is that ESPN hires a bunch of women and didnt let me say whatever the fuck popped into my head."

the best part about this is that whitlock is getting uniformly positive feedback from trump voters and he loves it

What the fuck is this doing in the Bill Simmons thread? Simmons has his faults, but he is still 10000000x better than this lameass.

yeah i know it just seems like we always link whitlock pieces in this thread for some reason

Whitlock is better than Simmons imo

o_____0