make up some fake, inscrutable adages and post them here

Over the years I have learned much from the cube

When a loved one dies, don't be sad
Cos you can take their stuff

Always listen to your parents
And get a stenographer to write it down
Then later in life, when they're on their deathbeds
Body them with their lies

and take their stuff

an ex-gf was incredibly funny w these (she used to do them in the voice of steve earle's character in the wire) but i cannot remember any of them because none of them made enough sense to remember. just remember not being able to breathe.

men seldom make passes, much like inert gases

find a penny on the floor
Ned Beatty will come through your door

If you can't see the forest, you can't hear the tree.

Bodhidharma would have been all over this thread

When the wind blows, the wind knows

One sweater, never better
Two or more, your father's a whore

Red sky at night, shepherds' delight
Red sky in the morning, horrible morning

You dont react to the shark, you react to the other fish in the shoal

remember, when your pants are down around your ankles- that's the time to pull your socks up

when you're in a crater, stop gravitating

No need to make any up, literal translations of extant proverbs from other languages will suffice. To wit:

'Whether you like it or not, drink up the holy water, Gregory!'

'Placenta ahead, war backwards.'

'Like the Turk and his gun.'

Hm, let's see, reckon you can work out what at least one of these is meant to convey

The dog doesn't catch the mouse
Three monks have no water to drink
One turnip, one hole
The candle illuminates others, yet destroys itself
Nine cows and one cow hair

Or the classic "people mountain people sea"

first there is a people then there is no people then there is

if you are a big tree you have a small hand

happy knife, happy life

Only a pony rolls a blank stone

win at bingo, watch yo twin go

a hand in the bush is better than being bankrupt

seek not riches, seek out bitches

sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes you just have the peanuts

win at bingo, watch yo twin go

― a wagging to the furious (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 17 September 2019 12:59 (nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

yo la tengo

life is a marathon, not a snickers

there's a mile of shit 'twixt the ox and the abattoir

an inch of foreskin, a pound of forebrain
a spoonful of glans, a head full of sense

you can't see the moon through a borrowed spyglass

We're always a tithe away from theosis.

It's better to have a swallow at the table than a stallion in a stable

two burnt cakes does not one unburnt cake make

Two whereabouts do not a what make.

A whale can't see its own tail

A sack of shit is always too heavy

↑ good one, it just rings eternally true.

you can't yoke an ox to a ploughing engine

A spoonful today will taste ok
A spoonful tomorrow will taste of sorrow

a chandler never askses
an axeman where his wax is
an axeman never quandaries
where a laundrer keeps his laundries

Refrain from peeing through a keyhole
And putting keys inside your peehole

boil the lance before lancing the boil

^vg

If your butt feels sour, use that internal power

even a watched clock never boils

A swallowed turd does not coprophagia make.

Where there’s a will, there’s a corpse

clean arsehole, clean mind

two wrongs don't make a right; but two rights send you into oncoming traffic