OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

brian moylan's hands should be cut off

Imagine saying a black person was "post-verbal" and was making "guttural utterances" at literally any other job and see if you were still employed the next day

Presidential nominee?

there's a new Britney album coming so this thread will probably be the gold rush for a while

christ every time bret easton ellis opens his mouth in 2016 it's like a present-day unironic music cue of "Oh Yeah"

who is Brian Moylan and why does he get paid to write about stuff he clearly does not understand or know anything about

Writer for hire, @GuardianUS TV columnist, @Vulture Real Housewives anthropologist. Proud Mustached American.

xp to Whiney, you missed "too lazy to enunciate"

should have made that post verbal

whoops http://www.nme.com/news/nme/95553

10 White Things Frank Ocean Made His Own on Blonde
http://www.vulture.com/2016/08/on-oceans-blonde-whites-just-another-color.html

"With its swinging rhythm and rich melodic bassline, “Pink + White” isn’t all that “white,” culturally speaking. But by choosing such a title for a song (as opposed to, say, the “black and yellow” also mentioned in the song), the artist is sending a signal. The word “white” featured twice on the tracklisting is as close as you’ll get to a clear indicator from Frank that whiteness is a prominent theme on the album — we probably wouldn’t have noticed otherwise."

Whether he’s the tragic warrior-hero of pre–Christian Germanic myth, one-half of a gay duo whose Las Vegas stage performances prominently featured white tigers and white lions, or a character who wields a sword as tall as himself in the fighting game series Soulcalibur (which Frank cited on Nostalgia, Ultra), there’s no doubt that Siegfried, as a name, is as white as it gets.

'that's gotta mean somethin, right? right??'

just look at how tall ("white") that sword is

This is probably just viral advertising for Reductionist Racial Semiotics Bingo, coming soon to Urban Outfitters

no time even to actually bullshit anymore -- just grab all the signifiers you can find and sprint to press

Cheating because this is just something I found in the bowels of rateyourmusic, not professional, but

The Stooges - Fun House
I hate it because I hate men. No, I hate it because I hate white men. No, I hate it because I hate masculinity, period. This record does indeed have balls but when did those ever do anyone any good?

Iggy is so violently HETEROSEXUAL and MANLY he literally makes me sick a bit in the pit of my stomach. I literally am filled with intense loathing every time I see him or hear his cocksure macho man caterwauling. This shit is as bad as the Brainbombs or any power electronics you can name for sheer male supremacist wank fantasy material, I don't even know why I single out the Stooges because rock 'n' roll itself is built upon white male supremacy but the Stooges may actually be rock 'n' roll incarnate and therefore make themselves such a huge target for all of hatred of that shit I have inside. IT SWAGGERS. I can't hear the opening riff without being terrified about someone being beaten or raped: this IS incredibly visceral music, but as someone who knows (second-hand, thank god) the violence and evil inherent in the heart of Man it isn't some fun boozy thrill ride, it's repugnant and soul-hurting and deeply fucked. Maybe I'm projecting my own issues with masculinity (heaven knows I have them!) on this record in order to exorcise my hatred by crucifying it in print, but I guess the point here is, again, everyone praising this record as a monolith of abject misanthropic and implicit violence is totally 100% correct and if they ENJOY it for that reason, then more power to them but it seems a microcosm of everything I hate about literally everything, an unwholesome fascist putrescence that crept from the underbelly of the biggest beast the human race has ever had to face.

I'm a hypocrite of course because I dig the Ol Dirty Bastard but w/e I'll talk about that in a thousand other reviews to come.

I don't even know why I single out the Stooges because rock 'n' roll itself is built upon white male supremacy but the Stooges may actually be rock 'n' roll incarnate

obviously hasn't been following this thread, Klosterman already predicted that the only rock n roll anyone will know about 100 years from now is Chuck Berry

just a bunch of 10 yr olds playing "my dingaling" on recorder in music class probably

I'll talk about that in a thousand other reviews to come.

PLEASE DON'T

I'm a hypocrite of course because I dig the Ol Dirty Bastard
I'm a hypocrite of course because I dig the Ol Dirty Bastard
I'm a hypocrite of course because I dig the Ol Dirty Bastard
I'm a hypocrite of course because I dig the Ol Dirty Bastard
I'm a hypocrite of course because I dig the Ol Dirty Bastard
I'm a hypocrite of course because I dig the Ol Dirty Bastard
I'm a hypocrite of course because I dig the Ol Dirty Bastard
I'm a hypocrite of course because I dig the Ol Dirty Bastard
I'm a hypocrite of course because I dig the Ol Dirty Bastard
I'm a hypocrite of course because I dig the Ol Dirty Bastard

That's a good review

Apart from calling rock and roll white, obv

yeah I'm charmed by its incoherence tbh, also the more the writer said they hated Fun House the less I believed them

What potentialities does this have? How can it most productively literally strive against its own literally reactionary marketing & literally outmoded* orthodoxies?

*They're literally outmoded. Deal.

;_;

"So it is that the Millennial Whoop evokes a kind of primordial sense that everything will be alright. You know these notes. You’ve heard this before. There’s nothing out of the ordinary or scary here. You don’t need to learn the words or know a particular language or think deeply about meaning. You’re safe. In the age of climate change and economic injustice and racial violence, you can take a few moments to forget everything and shout with exuberance at the top of your lungs. Just dance and feel how awesome it is to be alive right now. Wa-oh-wa-oh."

the arpeggio was in fact invented by millennials for their pop soma

Just dance and feel how awesome it is to be alive right now.

cf. the entire history of music

every micro-generation imagines itself as less frivolous than the next

That reads like biting sarcastic satire

...

"Mary had a Little Lamb" at 438 Hz A4 is so disturbing because those notes, I don't know them, and it is the knowing of the notes that makes music comforting and not the intervals.

http://www.theverge.com/2016/8/26/12657446/young-thug-harambe-song-no-my-name-is-jeffrey

It’s at this point that the Smith quote appears. The obvious conclusion is that Ocean is talking to Smith, or at least sitting and listening to “A Fond Farewell” while he ponders questions that have no answers.

This is the strangest thing I've ever seen on a music blog. Is it satire or sponsored content or...?
http://www.alternativenation.net/live-nation-ceo-michael-rapino-influenced-life/

http://www.theverge.com/2016/8/26/12657446/young-thug-harambe-song-no-my-name-is-jeffrey

― 龜, Friday, August 26, 2016 12:17 PM (three hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

They spelled Jeffery wrong.

Back before Fred Durst revealed himself as the Antikurt, he listed four "perfect records" for a Spin profile: Nevermind, Ten, Aenima, and Nothing's Shocking. Perfect--Nirvana for cred, Pearl Jam for reach, Tool for stupidity posing as underground, Jane's Addiction for ambition posing as transgression. All that's missing is hip hop--which for Bizkit, whatever its roots in Durst's grayboy humanism and blackface sexism, turns out to be about market positioning--and Smashing Pumpkins for ambition indistinguishable from egomania.

You need at least two ambitions in there because the truly new thing about Durst is the candor of his will to power. True, hip hoppers often comport themselves as black capitalists first, artists second. But black capitalism is marginal by definition. Durst's isn't. However symbolic his Interscope vice-presidency may prove, his rise to the top of the center was a striking piece of image-making for a trigger-happy loudmouth who'd just ridden his second album into Hollywood from the Jacksonville he'd sworn never to leave. Mewl about "mooks" all you want, ring Durst up for inciting to rape at Woodstock 99, but recognize that he shares those crimes against progress with America itself. In his ambition he's an innovator.
[...]
Who's the vice-president mad at? Who else? Playa-haters, plus idol turned Bizkit basher Trent Reznor, who inspires a tirade called "Hot Dog." Given which gender usually gets raped, this is probably just as well. But it's tedious in a way rock's ambitious and insecure so often are. Maybe we'd all be better off artistically if Durst continued to confront, however pathologically, the pain he shares with the guys who love him. Instead he's playing a playa, a fast-lane success fantasy for "mooks" as surely as Christina Aguilera is for the girls they fear and crave. What a bitch.

wow.. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/music/what-to-listen-to/britney-spears-glory-review/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter

on top of the offensive misrepresentations of britney, this paragraph gets poptimism wrong as possible:

I have, though, always been a sucker for the effervescence of pure pop music, and on some superficial levels this album is machine tooled perfection, in that every track sounds like a single, with slick grooves, zinging hooks, ear-worm melodies, catchy choruses and some little spike of tension in the Britney-shaped centre that makes you question your own judgement as you find yourself singing along.

got as far as 'by neil mccormick, music critic' and peaced out tbh

slick grooves, zinging hooks and catchy choruses do tend to make me question my own judgement

Haha

i really enjoyed this album... but did i "enjoy" it?

this is a really bad review of a shining show at the triple rock. it contains this gem: "I knew nothing about Shining, the next band to take the stage. Being me, I hate to research bands."

https://girlattherockshows.wordpress.com/2016/08/25/this-is-not-a-dream/

Last night this whole idea of being surprised backfired and it backfired hard.

I'm still trying to reconcile the plot hole where she was completely disgusted yet was still close enough to the stage when the singer was dancing with an audience member that she feared an interaction

Huh didn't know about that blog, though that Swordlord productions dude stays putting on 10 band bills of metal bands with hard to read logos

MH - it's a small venue, being close to the stage or "farther back" on the floor is like 15 feet difference

Triple Rock? seemed bigger than that to me when I was there, like you could go chill by the back bar