Is Broadway dead?

Hey you! Yeah, you..... the one tapping your foot.

I'm casting an off broadway musical and you look prefect for the leading role!

How far off broadway you ask?

Well...... it's mostly in another State but it is to be performed in a real theater with real curtains and everything....

All you need to do is sign this "Statement of Sobriety", submit yourself for a full physical by a Doctor of our choice (at your expense), and wear these pinkish lavender tights whilst tapping your foot.... actually it is tap dancing but we can settle the details at a later date.

But for now if you would just sign here.... and here.... and here, and initial here showing that you signed here, and here, as well as here, here, here, and lastly here.