The Glasgow Ned Transcription Service presents "The Plumber Tape"

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the moral of the story is: "shite to live, don't live to shite"

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 12 November 2004 11:30 (nineteen years ago) link

I should never have let Brian bring the hoses in for "Cool Cool Water"...

― Mike Loev for legal reasons, Friday, 12 November 2004 11:31 (nineteen years ago) link

(Is this online? Can we marvel at the delivery somehow?)

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 12 November 2004 11:32 (nineteen years ago) link

You heard Roddy McMillan as "ES" and John Grieve as "C." Script by Duncan Macrae from an original idea by Glen Daly.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 12 November 2004 11:33 (nineteen years ago) link

I don't know if this is online or not - it's a really old tape from the 80s, hence some of the slang is a bit outdated.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 12 November 2004 11:34 (nineteen years ago) link

... believe me the delivery from both pariticipants is SHEER CLASS

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 12 November 2004 11:35 (nineteen years ago) link

i have this on mp3 700k - gimme a shout if u want me to send it.

― jed_ (jed), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:15 (nineteen years ago) link

(by the way it's much more scary that it reads)

― jed_ (jed), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:15 (nineteen years ago) link

haha, please!

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:17 (nineteen years ago) link

Brilliant! If you're Scottish it is definitely funny and not scary.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:19 (nineteen years ago) link

RJG i dont have your real email anymore. mail me at my login address and i'll reply to that.

― jed_ (jed), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:22 (nineteen years ago) link

this one is real but I will mail you, anyway, ta.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:24 (nineteen years ago) link

ah i see, it's sending now.

― jed_ (jed), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:27 (nineteen years ago) link

jed could you send it to me too please?

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:41 (nineteen years ago) link

thanks!

I can pass it on, to save jed more troub.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:44 (nineteen years ago) link

The Emergency Services' guy's comic timing is impeccable

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:46 (nineteen years ago) link

Thanks!

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:50 (nineteen years ago) link

Can someone send it to me too to the address below? Cheers. I've not heard someone called a balloon in years.

― mms (mms), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:53 (nineteen years ago) link

The opening dialogue alone is comic genius:

Emergency Services: And what's your name?

Caller: (garbled)... the whole fuckin' close.

ES: Pardon?

C: The whole fuckin' close.

ES: Oh, it's you again.

C: Naw, here, mate, it's no' fuckin' anybody, right?

ES: Oh.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:57 (nineteen years ago) link

xpost
Thanks RJG, address below (minus the nospam bit obv.).

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:03 (nineteen years ago) link

can someone send it to my gmail, below?

― cºzen (Cozen), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:05 (nineteen years ago) link

Is it Prolapse?

― emil.y (emil.y), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:09 (nineteen years ago) link

Could someone stick it on that yousendit.com thingumajig?

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:10 (nineteen years ago) link

Cheers for that. Scary...funny...Chewin' The Fat sketch.

The guy from the plumbers is brilliantly calm, it's like Ronald Villiers brought to life. I'm sure I wouldn't have been so calm under that abuse. It's weird the way he calms down for a few seconds in the middle before going off again

― mms (mms), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:14 (nineteen years ago) link

haha, jesus.

you sure he calls him a 'balloon' and not a 'botton'?

― cºzen (Cozen), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:25 (nineteen years ago) link

haha, the answerphone message!

― cºzen (Cozen), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:27 (nineteen years ago) link

the answerphone message is better i think. did you get it RJG?

― jed_ (jed), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:28 (nineteen years ago) link

she has a way with words.

― cºzen (Cozen), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:30 (nineteen years ago) link

you sure he calls him a 'balloon' and not a 'botton'?

"Balloon" is a grand old Glasgow insult, which I intend to introduce to the countless balloons resident in London forthwith

― Dadaismus (Dada), Monday, 15 November 2004 14:16 (nineteen years ago) link

jed is right--it is much less funny, to hear.

I got the answerphone message and, yes, that is a lot funnier, even if it is still scary. thanks, again, jed.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 15 November 2004 14:21 (nineteen years ago) link

jed, if you could, to stevietonychick at gmail - thanx!

― stevie (stevie), Monday, 15 November 2004 14:29 (nineteen years ago) link

Why is it less funny to hear RJ?

― Ol' Dirty Dadaismus (Dada), Monday, 15 November 2004 14:36 (nineteen years ago) link

oooh, i'd love a copy too - if someone can be so kind as to pass it on to me (my listed address is real)

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Monday, 15 November 2004 14:44 (nineteen years ago) link

can someone send me the answer phone message as well please to the below addy? ta.

― mms (mms), Monday, 15 November 2004 14:45 (nineteen years ago) link

less funny because I was not, at all, scared, by the transcript.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 15 November 2004 15:29 (nineteen years ago) link

Please someone send it to me too!

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Monday, 15 November 2004 15:33 (nineteen years ago) link

Scared? Don't understand that at all.

― Ol' Dirty Dadaismus (Dada), Monday, 15 November 2004 15:34 (nineteen years ago) link

don't worry about it.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 15 November 2004 16:01 (nineteen years ago) link

I sent you, eyeball kicks.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 15 November 2004 16:05 (nineteen years ago) link

Thanks, RJG!

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Monday, 15 November 2004 16:06 (nineteen years ago) link

Dada, in addition to balloon - which I also love - there is TUBE as in 'git tae fuck, ya choob!'

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 15 November 2004 16:13 (nineteen years ago) link

Indeed. I'm so fond of "diddy" that it often slips out in conversation to widespread incomprehension

― Ol' Dirty Dadaismus (Dada), Monday, 15 November 2004 16:15 (nineteen years ago) link

The plumber tape is funnier & scarier than the answrphone one.

The ending is magnificent, especially the bit where he says "WELL, WHEN WILL WAN O'THEM BE FUCKIN' DONE! AN' UP HERE! AN' HE'LL HIV A FUCKIN' KEY! FUR THE DOOR! YA FUCKIN' RIDE?!?!??!?!".

Also, isn't the caller in the right, even if he is scary? Is he supposed to be right?

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Monday, 15 November 2004 16:50 (nineteen years ago) link

I think it may have been botton, not balloon.

― cºzen (Cozen), Monday, 15 November 2004 16:52 (nineteen years ago) link

I'll agree, with cozen.

it wasn't right that a whole close should be without water! he was kind of in the right but not really because he was obviously some kind of bad man.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 15 November 2004 16:58 (nineteen years ago) link

botton is so not a grasgow thing to say though.

― jed_ (jed), Monday, 15 November 2004 17:02 (nineteen years ago) link

grasgow.

― jed_ (jed), Monday, 15 November 2004 17:03 (nineteen years ago) link

you botton.

― cºzen (Cozen), Monday, 15 November 2004 17:04 (nineteen years ago) link

It really doesn't sound like "balloon". If would be better if it did.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Monday, 15 November 2004 17:04 (nineteen years ago) link

alain de botton.

― cºzen (Cozen), Monday, 15 November 2004 17:04 (nineteen years ago) link

yes, that's what I thought you meant.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 15 November 2004 17:05 (nineteen years ago) link

When I was reading this I thought it was written in Embra, not Glesga.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 15 November 2004 17:19 (nineteen years ago) link

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 15 November 2004 17:19 (nineteen years ago) link

trans: "Edinburgh-ese, not Glasgow-ese"

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 16 November 2004 09:40 (nineteen years ago) link

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