Why Do (some) Men Hate Women?

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Dave M highlights why I have to be forcibly restrained when I hear someone say tht it is impossible for a Black person to be racist.

Dan Perry, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

What prompted this thread was my friend (who shall remain nameless) on Wednesday saying he didn't like Eminem anymore because "the girls" have cottoned on to him, and only like him because he's "so cute". He often comes out with shit like this, usually along the lines of women aren't funny / haven't made any worthwhile contribution to music etc, and I don't know whether he's joking any more - he does like to shock, but sometimes I think it's a cover for something more serious. Also the divine LC is often one to complain about being patronised, often being told she's really clever, for a girl. Obviously these examples are not on the scale of actual physical or sexual assault, but it's just these insidious assumptions are the thin end of the wedge, as they say. This may sound really cheesy, but why can't people realise that people are just people, they're all different, and should be treated as such - it really would solve a lot of problems and unhappiness if people would just *think for a minute*. Obviously, this applies to man-haters as well - I don't buy this argument that because X has been oppressed at some point in time it's OK for them to attempt to do the same thing in one way or another to Y. Grr!

DG, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Gotta admit something -- whatever 'male bashing' I've ever encountered in these generalized senses I've always shrugged off. Never really bothered or affected me. Anyone trashes women, though, I get pissed. Go figure.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

What makes some women hate men?

Mike Hanle y, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I think it's beard envy.

Nick, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

re: 'men are pigs" etc etc; a few years ago there was a humorous hallmark card insert in every issue of newsweek magazine (i.e., every issue had the same blank card inside it, probably a quite expensive promotion). the front read something like 'blah blah blah, you're a good friend, we're like sisters, etc. just don't worry if your boyfriend says you're smothering him ...'

the punchline, on the inside: 'that just means you aren't pressing down the pillow hard enough!'. the rising amount of unreported woman-on-man domestic makes this very unfunny to me. i'm too tired for it right now, but anyone want to theorize about 'goodbye earl'? the video, gah.

ethan, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I don't condone the man-bashing examples listed above (I hate even having to preface my statements with that), but backlashers really have no excuse for their behavior and attitudes. From what I've seen, a lot of it is simply the same old crap resurfacing.

Kerry Keane, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

None of that shit bothers me in the slightest, because none of it could ever be conceived under any stretch of the imagination as a threat to me. I think you need to have a certain streak of paranoia to start with to get into that whiney "men are scapegoats" mindset.

Patrick, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

It's a double-edged sword, though; why is it okay to make these types of jokes about men but not about women?

(For the record: I thought the joke was funny, but the humor has more to do with the inherent wrongness of it being okay to murder your SO. Gender wasn't a factor.)

Dan Perry, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

DG, I think repeatedly saying that sort of thing to shock is pretty crap anyway, even if he doesn't really hold those beliefs.

Richard Tunnicliffe, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Agreed Richard, problem is with Friend X is that a) despite these comments he is totally 'on the money' with practically any other issue you care to mention, which is why I'm so shocked as I would have thought he'd know better (and perhaps wonder if there are other forces at work), and b) he's one of my bestest friends so having a screaming row with him might not be a good idea. I will bring it up with him next time I see him, as it's beginning to *really* stress me.

DG, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Re 'that' Hallmark card - some people get off on asphyxiation! Having been physically abused on a regular basis by a feisty redhead I used to go out with (who regularly slept around as well), I can tell you it was quite a turn-on!

tarden, Saturday, 21 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

i think i might be a man-hater, but i'm not sure. what makes a person a man-hater? i don't hate men just because they are men. i don't hate all men, just the ones who hate women. i have mostly only met men who hate women. when i meet a man, i don't hate him until he starts spouting sexist crap, the problem being that he usually will. i guess what i should do when this happens is say "you're being sexist, here's why" but i've lost respect for the man by this stage and just won't bother dealing with him any more. this is a shame, because if i challenge him then it is possible that he will try to change. so what do you lot think? does this make me a man-hater? i wanted to point out that perhaps one of the (many) reasons why women can get away with saying things like "men are pigs" is because of the whole "boys will be boys" ethos that seems to be circulating western culture these days. what i mean by the "boys will be boys" thing is the kind of message that gets put across in shows like ally mcbeal: that men are pigs, that this is a biologically determined fact, and they are proud of it, and that women have to accept that men are pigs because they will never change. i am trying to express that it is also men who say things like "men are pigs" and they get away with it too. please note: i think the "boys will be boys" thing sux. i don't think that there is anything intrinsic to men which makes them pigs, and i think that if they are pigs they shouldn't be pigs, and i think that everyone is capable of changing. i also hate some women too. i hate women who hate women, and women who whinge that "men suck" but just accept the ones who suck and let them treat them like shit. i dislike women like a particular woman i know who campaigned for a men's room on campus (cos having a women's room is supposedly sexist), who is preoccupied with how her lip gloss is looking, and who can't stand any woman that she sees as competition in her mission for male adoration.

lady die, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

when i meet a man, i don't hate him until he starts spouting sexist crap

What's your defn of sexist crap?

A man-hater is someone who associates certain characteristics that they hate with being male. If one were to really dislike men who behave agressively, one wouldn't be a woman hater. On the other hand, if one really disliked men because they thought that all men behave agressively, they would be a man-hater. It's the same with misogynists: if one were to really dislike women who burst into tears at the drop of a hat, one would not necessarily hate women. On the other hand, if one were to really dislike women because one thought that all women burst into tears at the drop of a hat, they would be a misogynist.

Dave M., Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I like women who burst into tears at the drop of a hat. The question is, does this make me a misogynist (of course it makes me sexist, which I clearly am, since I'm all for promoting stereotyping of social roles based on gender).

Otis Wheeler, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I don't just dislike women who burst into tears at the drop of a hat. I dislike women who burst into tears ANYTIME. Parents died, plane crash, you name it - I like them to keep their composure!

Something a lot of men (okay, ME) have confusion with? What exactly is "being a pig"? And what is so wrong with being one?

tarden, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

tarden reminds me of those gothic punk kids who do school shootings.

Sterling Clover, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Except he doesn't wash

mark s, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Once a month whether I need to or not...

tarden, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

No, man, it makes you *Otis*.

Dave M., Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

six months pass...
Men hate women because women have it both ways. On the one hand women are able to either be taken care of or go out and work. Women can wear mens clothes, or womens.Women can use their gender for preferential treatment or blame their gender for treatment. Women can rape, mame and humiliate men with little or no reaction from the world. Examples are numerous, just look at mothers with their children, boys are exposed in front of females from the youngest of age and this continues typically indefinetely or until the boy is old enough to attempt to avoid this situation. Female siblings and relatives are afforded modesty. Mothers can discuss their sons genitals in front of the son to other women, a father who did this with his daughter would be hauled off to jail. Boys are pressured often into sex but unlike girls are not taught they have the option of saying no, it is "unmanly". Males have to fit into a very narrow gender role to be considered a normal male while females have an incredibly large and flexible gender definition. A teacher or older woman having sex with a boy means that she needs help, a man doing this with a girl needs to be castrated and locked up with the key thrown away. Why? We devalue males. Males are disposable, even Hitler sent boys, preteen, into war to die while women stayed home.Now why do some men hate women? I would venture to say that men that hate women have felt some of these things. Soicety needs to see that boys and men are also human and suffer from all the same problems that women do.

, Tuesday, 5 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Women can rape, mame and humiliate men with little or no reaction from the world.

Oh, come on. It's more that (in relation to the raping and maming bit, at least) it's comparatively very rare and even then, kept quiet (cause of 'unmanly' pressures you allude to later). If it *is* reported then it gets a BIG reaction from the world. It's like "WOOOOH! Dog bites man!" and then some women rightly make a fuss that it's ridiculous to give it so much attention when it happens all the time to women and this gives the women-haters 'see how they wish to censor THE TRUTH!' ammo and it all goes round in circles.

But some of the things you say need to be talked about maybe. It's just a shame they tend to get dressed up in one big Neil Lyndonesque seething tirade. The key thing is why do they have to add up to 'hating women'. Hating anyone is stupid enough. Let alone half the bloody population. I do feel fucked up by certain gender roles, yes. But sex wars are so passé. I've only just lightened up enough to enjoy Sex and the City on the grounds that it's all shit but it doesn't matter if there's a good joke every so often. Except it's not often enough. I'm with Julie Burchill on this.

N., Tuesday, 5 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

two weeks pass...
Nick, first point, you are a bit wrong. Women abusing boys and even men is not as uncommon as you think. In Thailand for example doctors have become very good at re-attaching male genitals caused by angry wives. If a man cut a womens vagina do it would certainly be another story. The most famous case I can think of regarding the molestation of boys was the Mary Kay Laternaeux case. If she was a man she had been sent to prison directly, but there was a great deal of sympathy for her for falling in love with this BOY. Likewise the UK, which I take it you are from, was outraged that the state of Florida wanted to prosecute the woman that ran off with her 13 year old sons 12 year old friend. Again, outrage would have been the reaction if it was the other way around. In fact, women that abuse boys, which is not so uncommon but rather under reported, get sympathy more often than not.

Regarding hatred of women, I have never advocated this, I ventured to answer the question raised in this forum, why do some men hate women.

Regarding the gender wars, I think a good step to end those would be the media, representing a very small segment of women, need to stop the war against men and in particularly boys in order to stop the gender wars. The media is guilty of denegration and degredation of males more than any single woman I know.

, Wednesday, 20 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

In Thailand for example doctors have become very good at re-attaching male genitals caused by angry wives.

*blinks, shakes head*

What, at St. Bobbitt's Hospital for the Stupid?

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 20 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Hands up, any USAer here who remembers a big wave of sympathy for Mary Kay Laterneau?

Ally, Wednesday, 20 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

That was puzzling me, too.

Dan Perry, Wednesday, 20 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Lexerse if you think that men and boys are devalued while women have it "both ways" perhaps you should talk to women in Afgahnistain, Serbian rape camps or perhaps people in China who throw away girl babies.

Samantha, Wednesday, 20 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Firstly, Ally, yes there was a wave of sympathy. Have you ever seen anyone question why a male pedophile developed "feelings" for his victim? No, when a man molests a child then it is clear cut, he is caught and the maximum sentence is sought. In the Mary Kay Laternauex case not only did she receive a comparatively mild sentence, but article after article was written that was geared toward "understanding" her. To me this is sympathy. Male offenders are not offered this sympathy. Furthermore she went on to repeatedly abuse this boy even after she was finally given a somewhat more realistic sentence. What it comes down to, like it or not, is the disposability of males. Western society quite simply sees males as disposable as I have pointed out in an earlier post. In terms of sexuality males, of all ages, are seen as willing participants. I do not blame this solely on women, it is a part of our western social construction of gender roles that I believe needs to change.

As for Samantha's statement. Yes Samantha, there are places in the world like afghanistan and many arab lands where womens rights do not exist. This is a horrible situation and certainly needs changing. Look at Nepal where they sell their daughters as young as 6 to Brothels in India where they are raped and usually infected with Aids and die by 20. I will be the first to stand up for change on this front too. But what we are actually discussing here is more OUR society and our cultural perspective. And in our world it is a situation which we have been moving towards where we have made great strides for womens rights and changed many aspects of the former gender roles of females while we have stagnated in changing anything for men. Just look at Sweden, arguably one of the most progressive countries on Earth in terms of equality. In this country where over 50% of all members of parliament are women, 76% of all students at universities are female, males assume many responsibilities that were once thought to be part of the female gender role, men still assume primary responsibility for all perceived male gender appropriate activities. For example, in this bastion of equality it is still only males that MUST go into the military. Why has this not changed? Could it be that we as western societies still cannot accept the thought of disposing of our women as we are prepared to do with our men?

All in all my major point is that our perceptions of males in society is still not progressing. While we update our views on women we still live in the stone age with regard to our views on male gender roles.

, Sunday, 24 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

How come they have Women's rooms even at unis where there is a higher female population but they don't have Men's rooms at any unis, whether there are more or less male students than female? It's very strange.

toraneko, Sunday, 24 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

because space in our culture is coded as male. if this weren't the case, women would be able to walk around at night safely.

di, Sunday, 24 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

. if this weren't the case, women would be able to walk around at night safely.

i find it bizarre that people keep coming up with this one - its not safe for men to walk around at night either. Its fairly well known that most attackings on the street are committed against males (by males as well). Theres been heaps of time i've been threatened by sub-neanderthals for something a female companion has done or said because according to neanderthals ethics "you don't hit women". the other night i was walking along with a woman and these guys were getting agro in the street (strangely enough about putting down Di's hometown) and my female companion thought it was safe to loudly mock them. i doubt a male raised in our society would have done this unless they were prepared to join in a fight.

I'm not saying this for or against women's rooms at university, but i guess student politicians aren't the most sophisticated thinkers about gender politics.

hamish, Sunday, 24 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

The reason that there are many women's rooms at universities etc is that women have actively campaigned for woman only spaces.

There are few men's rooms, because men have not done the work involved in proving the need for a man only space, finding an appropriate area, obtaining permission to utilise it, dealing with opposition to the idea, furnishing it, publicising it, etc.

This may be because they are lazy, or afraid, or because they do not feel such a strong need for such a space because 'public' areas are more geared toward men than women, as Lady Die suggested.

In any case, women who enjoy having a women only space are under no obligation to provide a man only space also. If men feel the need for such a space, they can do the work .

gwendolin murdre, Sunday, 24 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Maybe they don't feel like ghettoising themselves and thus consigning their opinions to the crank corner

dave q, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I 'like' the sound of the women only room in that new bar, which can have men in but only if they are invited by a woman peering out through the glass walls (I think there is also a limit on overall intake).

N., Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

i find it bizarre that people keep coming up with this one - its not safe for men to walk around at night either.

how does this make the streets any safer for women, hamish? perhaps the reason why there isn't a mens room is because a) men have not campaigned for one, and b) this is probably because a mens room will not keep men safe from OTHER MEN.

Theres been heaps of time i've been threatened by sub- neanderthals for something a female companion has done or said because according to neanderthals ethics "you don't hit women".

not where someone will see, at least. there have been several times when i have been walking home alone and been threatened by men because i refused to show support for the local rugby team. YES, men do get threatened by other men, i have seen this myself. but so do women, and just because you DON'T SEE it happen you shouldn't assume that it doesn't. its like assuming that a woman is lying when she says her husband beat her because she doesn't have a black eye - men are pretty canny about this sort of thing, they have learnt where and when they CAN get away with it. (sorry, i don't mean men in general i mean men who bash/rape women).

di, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

how does this make the streets any safer for women, hamish?

it doesn't but you are the one who brought gender in to the issue of being able to walk around safely at night.

perhaps the reason why there isn't a mens room is because a) men have not campaigned for one, and b) this is probably because a mens room will not keep men safe from OTHER MEN.

Women's rooms aren't about maing it safer for women; they're about making women feel safer and about giving queer women a pick-up place on campus, which i guess is enough reasons to justify its existence.

hamish, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

i have seen this myself. but so do women, and just because you DON'T SEE it happen you shouldn't assume that it doesn't

i have never assumed that it doesn't. But spreading the myth that women are attacked more than men only serves to make night-time streets even more of a "male coded space".

hamish, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

hamish wrote: the other night i was walking along with a woman and these guys were getting agro in the street (strangely enough about putting down Di's hometown) and my female companion thought it was safe to loudly mock them. i doubt a male raised in our society would have done this unless they were prepared to join in a fight.
well i was that female and i'd like to say some things. firstly, i am sure i have been influenced by the experience that the main person (and male) i walked around with for a long time was very physically confident, assertive, and trained in fighting. I think you (hamish) should acknowledge that i realised i had been unwise, and unfair to you, once you told me and i sincerely apologised. Also though, I quite frequently walked around innercity Auckland at night by myself and have spent alot of energy and time or whatever being really attentive to other people in the streets, crossing roads to avoid them, and not staying as late as i would've liked at uni or the library because of not feeling safe walking home. But because of what i said about my walking round with the stronger guy [ie. darcy!], I must add that I think it's a persistent myth that men should accompany women on the streets to make it safer for them. I don't feel entirely safe walking home say from the radio station at 3 in the morning, but maybe i am just stupider and more reckless than you, and also the contrast between dunedin and auckland makes me feel like it's just so incredibly safe here even though i know it's not 'cause i read the court pages and blah blah blah,; i'm still confused and unsure about some of these issues.

elizabeth anne marjorie, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I got threatened on the street just this very evening. "Greenfield, your days are *numbered*!" apparently. This from a bunch of car mechanics who live not 200yds from my house and have had plenty of opportunities for nastiness but never done anything since 1997. Ooh, I'm scared.
No female friend of mine has ever been attacked in public; pretty much all my male ones have though. One of them as a result of a girl mouthing off to Romford drunkards on an 86 bus.

DG, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'm not afraid to walk the streets with Rainy because she once stabbed a guy in the face for saying that she 'looked Spanish.'

maryann, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

But spreading the myth that women are attacked more than men only serves to make night-time streets even more of a "male coded space".

when did i say or imply this, hamish?

di, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

besides hamish, gender was already the issue of the thread, i simply brought the night safety issue into it to illustrate my point: being that there are plenty of valid reasons why women have womensspace on campuses.

di, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Um...so what happened to Rainy's victim, then?

Ned Raggett, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'll say it though. I know guys have their oen set of problems, and do get attacked, but I'll generalize dangerously and say that these attacks are usually by your classic bullies. The ones who attack you because they are simply not afraid of taking what they want from anyone. It's more likely to be a personal dispute or dislike. The thing you need to understand about what happens more often to women, is that we get attacked primarily by the cowardly. Cowards made all the more bitter, power hungry and vicious by the fact that they dare not attack those physically stronger than them. It has no bearing on what you have done, it's simply about who you are - and that makes any one of us less safe. It's happened to me - I'm only 5'4, not exactly very threatening, and the guy wasn't that much bigger than me, but obviously that didn't give him any pause - you can say whatever you like, but I was there and I simply do not believe that he would have dared anything if I'd been a male (even one of the same small size). It was purely a power thing - he thought of me as his victim and just wanted to make sure that I knew about that. Maddeningly nonchalant even, practically just strolled away. I'd really have hurt this guy if I could've, but I'm not stupid enough to have tried. I'll stop now as it's not the nicest thing to talk about.

Kim, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'm thinking that my wording wasn't the best there - hopefully it's clear that at the beginning I'm talking about the kind of person who will jump a guy on the street vs. then the different kind of person who targets women. Overcautious perhaps but I don't want to be misunderstood on this one. I do still walk alone by the way, I don't let bastards like that one make me reliant on being with other people. I take care though. If only it were a perfect world etc. etc..

Kim, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

. if this weren't the case, women would be able to walk around at night safely.BR>This is mostly imagined. It isn't as dangerous as people think it is. I don't let this keep me from walking the streets. I never had any hassles. The chances of something happening are rather slim, I think.

helenfordsdale, Tuesday, 26 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Good point Kim. Guys seem to get it from steroidal goons, while the chicks get it from EVERY creep around, plus the normal ones who decide to become creeps once they think they can get away with it (like myself sometimes, I know). OTOH, the 'mouthing off' bit is usually solved by the guy deciding to stop going out with 'feisty, colorful' (i.e. always starts scenes) women in favour of the classic timid sort (or better yet one who stays home, so at least you can start your OWN goddamn fights for a change, or even - gasp - avoid them altogether), and women seem to hate that too, but you can't have everything ladies!

dave q, Tuesday, 26 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

The next time some fucking shit-ass fuckface tries using italics I'm going to rip them a new asshole

dave's girlfriend, Tuesday, 26 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

It's OK, we were just leaving...aaagggghhhhh...

dave q, Tuesday, 26 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

that should do it

anthony, Tuesday, 26 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link


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