people that YELP are scumbags

fucken cumlord

http://sf.eater.com/archives/2009/04/10/yelp_to_allow_business_comments_will_it_matter.php

Late yesterday, the AP broke the story that Yelp is going to allow businesses to respond to user reviews. The move is obviously a response to the wealth of negative Yelp press lately, and while it's probably a step in the right direction, there are some questions to be considered.

Will it improve the site? We'll reserve judgment until the actual feature is released, but we're doubtful. If there is any large-scale impact at all, allowing business owners—that is, the ones that don't ignore Yelp—to respond at will is likely to add to the already-overbearing white noise of the site. The reviews are already useless—Gary Danko has 1360, for example—and the possibility of adding a he-said, she-said feature isn't going to make things more helpful. And let's face it, some restaurateurs can be just as petty/explosive as Yelpers.

Will it improve Yelp's troubled reputation? On the surface, we're betting yes, even if it is, as we suspect, a token move to appease the increasingly-loud critics. It is a simple fix to a common complaint—that businesses don't have a voice. Reputation, reputation, reputation!

Ok, so what's in it for Yelp? Aside from the aforementioned damage control, the move—and it's a smart one—will prompt more business owners to go online, which is good for Yelp and Yelp's wallets. Note that the AP story points out that to respond, businesses must register for a free business owner's account. We're betting that once already online, a portion of them will be inclined to buy sponsorships. New feature = more business owners online = $.

Yo-Yo-Yo. Word Up! I gotta rhyme for you.
Don't you dare turn the page. I got my eye on you.
My rhyme is so tight. It'll put a spell on you.
My rap is fresh and spankin' new.
Here I go. Here I go. Check, Baby. Check, Baby. 1-2-3.

I'm in the zone... Third Street Promenade's the street tonight.
The epicenter for shoppin' and eatin' right.
From the Buck Wolfgang Puck to Monsieur Marcel - oui, dawg!
To Houston's, Broadway Deli and Mickey Dee's.
Whatever you cravin' -- it's here for thee.
You hungry for steak 'n eggs, sushi, or mac 'n cheese.
3rd Street Promenade is the place to be.
From the Farmer's Market for collie greens, bushel of beets to organic greens.
Third street promenade the place for me.
It makes me alamand left and dosey-doe, and promenade over to my favorite store.

Third street promenade is the place to be.
For a movie, for a BBLD*, or a shopping spree.
Where else besides neighborhood mall can you find...
the Mac store, Urban Outfitters, Abercrombie and Bebe.
Anthropologie, Guess, and Old Navy.
Gap store, Barnes 'n Noble, and Old Macy's.
Pimp-smack patty whack give a dog a bone.
This tourist trap is nothing like home. Oh-No!
Or is it? It's got the same mall stores as any city, only Bling-Bling bigger for the $$$ Cha'-Ching $$$.

All the tourists on the street... Put your hands up! Yeah!
All the shopaholics with fake tans... Put your hands up!
All the Pruis driven locals... Put your hands up! Yeah!
Give it up for the street performers, musicians and 3rd street dancers.
Those krumpers 'n poppers that dance out of sight.
Pimp-snap, patty-whack-give a dawg a bone.
Drop a buck in a can for the poor man without a home. Oh-No! Awww, man! That's messed up! :-(

Warning: Paris Hilton, New York House Wives, Plastic People... beat it. My rap and 3rd Street ain't for you. Hit the skids, bitches! ha ha ha ha, watch your back pockets fellas. These narcissistic scants will take your soul. Yeah-Yeah! Oh-YA-AAAaaaaaa, BOY!!!
Word! PEACE-OUT!!!

*BBLD = Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch and Dinner.

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jesus

this tiny family place I eat lunch at has been getting way more business these past few months because of yelp which is cool

i have to say all the yelp reviews of everything in my neighborhood are spot on.

do you live in a neighborhood full of scumbags?

no. all the yelp reviews of the establishments around here are very complimentary though. except for the reviews of black oak books (which just closed) which were appropriately filled with complaints.

i ate at some sushi place in midtown that yelp recommended and it was total shit. A lot of the positive reviews in New York equate "good" with "cheap"

Brian V.
Chatham, NJ
4 star rating
7/28/2008

I almost knocked it down a star because just thinking about Subway gets that awful "5, 5 Dollar, 5 Dollar FootLOOOOOOOOONG" song in my head, but this is a good subway. The people generally make the food quick, they aren't shy with the toppings and it's clean.

I've only had one slightly bad experience here. Now I'm not one of those people who thinks everyone in 'Merica needs to learn 'Merican right when they move here, but if you're going to be in the food service industry, you should probably know enough to know what the toppings you're placing on sandwiches are. I asked for pickles, she started to put cucumbers on. And no, I don't think she was just suggesting I put the healthier version of pickles on my sandwich. From there, I just pointed out the remaining condiments and went on my way.

It's a good Subway, perfect place to pick up a quick dinner if you're getting off the train at 30th Ave.

Jason W.
Venice, CA
3 star rating
6/3/2008

I think it is okay. It is not that special. It is definitely the place to go in woodbury when you are between the ages of 15-25 (depending on when you leave town ha ha and if you can get out alive). It is kind of a sad existence. I mean socializing between tables. I must have known about three of the waitresses ( some people from woodbury, one of friends wife) here at different times. It makes me depressed to think about it. I have not seen these people for ever now and don't want to see them again. The food is not that good. It is greasy and unhealthy and will probably take a couple years of your life. However, the seats are pretty comfortable. They are open 24 hours too I think.

Melissa K.

Los Angeles, CA
1 star rating
8/26/2008

NO. i have not been to this place, but you know what? i am extremely disappointed. I didn't have to read any of the below reviews to support my theories.

This place is a joke. 3 "types" of ice cream? Are you serious? The website leads me to believe it is vanilla flavor in three different styles: soy, yogurt, ice cream. If you have shitty flavors I don't care about the 100 toppings you have and the millions of foul-tasting combinations I can come up with.

WTF. I'm sorry, SHEERAZ, maybe you should have done your research during the "12 years in the making" of millions of milkshakes. ICE CREAM IS THE MAIN INGREDIENT. TOPPINGS ARE JUST THAT--TOPPINGS. THEY ARE EXTRAS, they should be used to ENHANCE flavor, not MAKE it.

Instead of littering your website in a cheap attempt at advertising Hollywood.TV (What the hell is that? who visits that?), maybe you should have spent more time developing the SPECIAL OFFERS, and GALLERY sections. But the GALLERY section probably would be littered with pictures of you and D-List celebrities, wouldn't it? I was expecting photos of your product and store...

I'm really eager to know the price. I'm guessing at least $5 a pop. All a waste.

THE MOST BOGUS OF ALL (Maybe this is RareDaily's fault): RareDaily LA sent an email with the headline "Introducing the World's First Milkshake Bar"

Hmm, that is very odd, because I seem to have visited a Milkshake Bar in Bristol, England called "Shake King" in July 2007. Shake King has 150 FLAVORS OF ICE CREAM. And you have to take my word on this one. They do not have all of their toppings listed. I have pictures of the shop to prove that. I am willing to bet a good amount of money that they also beat Millions of Milkshakes 100 topping choices.

This is outrageous.

Man, you know you are a foodie when you get so upset about things like this!!

Cross-posted as a discussion topic incase this gets deleted!

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I think that argument started falling apart when English milkshakes were used as a comparison point

do you have to tip at an english milkshake bar?

so much anger

btw I made the mistake of looking up a pizzeria on Yelp the other day, and while there is nothing outlandish about this post, it made me realize just how many people try too hard to be condescending and come off a bit tacky:

When I read that people are a) surprised that this isn't just like the slice you can get for 2 bucks on any NY corner and b) surprised at the price, I wonder if they even knew what kind of place they were going to. ... There are casual pizza and wing joints and then there are pizza restaurants that produce the kind of pizza that true Italians consider a meal and not just a casual snack, like Americans do. This is the latter. ... The flour is of a highly specific grade, as are the tomatoes and cheese that are used here. The result is a pie that you eat with a fork and knife (gasp! Yes, like a real meal. Can you handle it?) and that leaves you completely satisfied with an entire pie without feeling like you're entering a carb induced coma like you'd feel with just two slices of our "beloved" American versions. ... Once you can get past our view of pizza as stuff-your-face-while-watching-football food, you can come to appreciate what Keste has to offer.

the morbius of milkshakes

Whenever I go out nowadays I always have the vague suspicion that half the people in the restaurant/bar are on a YELP meetup. I hate my age group.

NB that was not intended as an insult toward English milkshakes (although c'mon), it's more just that it seems agreed on both sides of the Atlantic that modern UK milkshakes are just not even the same thing as US milkshakes, at all

what is the yelp secret handshake

you can come to appreciate what my Teste has to offer

although wait, I guess if she's claiming this English place has loads of ice cream, they must be making American-style milkshakes, never mind

Ha ha.

The result is a pie that you eat with a fork and knife(gasp! Yes, like a real meal. Can you handle it?)

NO! I CAN'T HANDLE IT! I CANT HANDLE THIS PIZZA!

what is the yelp secret handshake

You just need to be dining/drinking in a visibly ill-matched group of young people, somewhere between team luncheon and double blind date. Then you need to proclaim loudly "Have you seen The Wire? It is one of the best TV series ever" and also talk loudly about European beers.

Don't worry, I'll spot you.

nabs you're being too kind that guy is a retard. like, thank you anonymous yelp person for informing me that pizza is available in a variety of contexts in these great united states of ours.

it was a gal! for the record I saw nothing else on the page that appeared to call for that, just a bunch of people saying it was rather expensive (it is) or that they found it a bit doughier than whatever Neapolitan type they expected. (also that they couldn't HANDLE the pizza.)

her particular variety of scorn should be saved for the dude who looked at the menu at the really good Mexican place on my block and then said "I'm supposed to pay $10 for a burrito?" as if he flat-out could not categorically fathom a burrito that was, like, good

I mean it's New York, you can get a $10 grilled cheese every other block

http://www.americanrhetoric.com/MovieSpeeches/specialengagements/afewgoodmenjacktruth.JPG

you can't HANDLE the pizza!

hahaha it really helps that that redirects to a page with Lincoln on it

Expensive burrito /= good. My favorite burritos ever are gigantic ones for like 4 bucks at a Chicago joint.

(xxpost)

reading the mpls version of yelp, becoming furious

jesus christ there are reviews of lakes

rot in hell

Lake Calhoun

Courtney W.

Eden Prairie, MN
2 star rating
3/23/2009

Calhoun is in the middle of the chain of lakes so if you're going on a long run, it's kinda hard to avoid. It's 3.2 miles and perfect for 5k training.

It's not perfect if you are looking to commune peacefully with nature or get away from society. It's crowded. Traffic is a bitch. Parking is a bitch. You are supposed to only bike one way. If you bike the wrong way, even if the bike path happens to be empty, people yell at you. It's poorly lit at night. I avoid Calhoun as much as possible. In a way, I'm glad it's crowded - it helps keeps the other 2 lakes free for a more peaceful run.

umm but Jon surely you recognize the possibility that a sit-down restaurant can serve a really good burrito covered with green chile that is worth well over $10? this guy seemed to be of the opinion that a burrito flat-out categorically could not be worth $10, which strikes me as demented.

Lions Tap Family Restaurant

Category: Burgers
2 star rating
5/11/2009
$21 bought two people:

2 burgers - one with mushrooms and swiss and one bacon cheddar both w/ onions on top
2 orders of crinkle fries
2 soda w/ straws
unlimited napkins
20% tip for waitstaff (who were very efficient)

OMG, people, the Lion's Tap must be making a KILLING. I wish I was related to the owners.

$21 also bought me embarrassment w/ a side of pissed off. When we walked in to the restaurant, we were greeted by a girl who i assumed was the host. she asked, "how many?" and told us to go around the corner. So I actually followed her instructions and went around said corner. This pissed off everyone that was already in a scraggly-ass, unorganized line that i hadn't noticed. So... the people in line started making snooty comments. I turned red, snarled back something like, "I've never been here before...SORRY" and took my place in the back of the line. it was an awkward wait, to say the least.

but even with 10 people in line in front of us, we were in and out within 30 minutes. on a saturday night at 6pm, no less. the burgers didn't do much for me. the crinkle fries made me wish for something better - BK or McD's perhaps? but they weren't soggy, which crinkle fries tend to be. thumbs up for that. the bacon was cut round and not the thick, juicy kind. the plate was as big as the bun. no silverware was provided. just a big ol' box of napkins.

my husband and i both had horrible gas for the rest of the evening. it made for a super fun saturday night. he asked that i quote him in my review...he was "underwhelmed". i have to second that.

Augsburg College

Category: Colleges & Universities
2 star rating
3/23/2009 First to Review
It took them 2 years and 3 months to send me my diploma. I have no idea why. I paid them a ton of money for school. I never rented library books and didn't have any "holds" on my accounts. Oh well. Least I finally got it.

They have almost NO free parking near campus. The on-street parking they do have available has crazy rules. I got towed. Twice. So in a way I did learn something in college - Minneapolis has crazy-ass parking rules.

reviewing a lake is today's height of wtf.

I do, totally. But I can also understand how someone might balk at a $10 burrito if the only (relatively) expensive burrito they've had is like Chipotle or some shit.

(xxpost)

^^ same person, "Courtney W."

xps

my husband and i both had horrible gas for the rest of the evening. it made for a super fun saturday night. he asked that i quote him in my review...he was "underwhelmed". i have to second that.

"honey you still writin' your word thing on the interwebs?"

"damn straight i am. you still got the Montezuma's Revenge?"

"indeed i do, honey do me a favor? with regards to the food that was served to us tonight? call me "underwhelmed," will ya? can quote me on that?

"you know i will sugar bean."

"and bring me some pepto when you get a chance?"

I turned red, snarled back something like, "I've never been here before...SORRY" and took my place in the back of the line. it was an awkward wait, to say the least.

i love it when ppl do not even realize they are being an unreliable narrator, about their own lives

maybe lake rating doesn't surprise me because I used to look at ratemyprofessor.com when signing up for classes

bottom line is people rate everything

that shit needs to be destroyed too. "made me do a paper, so mean!!"

yes rmp has to be the most unreliable rating site of all time.

I just trust the chili peppers

i looked up a friend on there and a surprising number of responses were variations on "she gets really mad if you come in late, but she's pretty hot"

"i think she was teaching English or something"

tbf chili peppers are often otm.

RMP cheered up a friend's day when I showed him his page and he had a 4.7 on the hotness scale.