My momma made me learn this song: a gay Winter for 2015

Saint Laurent was last year for US. Poll eligible.

He also goes gay in Christopher Honore's Love Songs.

Good luck w/ the snow-in, tune. I have about 18 DVDs from the library stacked, along with Bowie's early '70s diet of milk and coke.

Hello

The doc I scored just premiered at Sundance. I wasn't so excited because the music was specified to be like indie landfill and I delivered! oh boy did I ever! but the music was so appropriate for the doc and the whole experience was so moving and everybody was crying. Doc was about Bindle & Keep, the NYC tailoring firm that caters to everyone, but specifically suits for the genderqueer and transgendered. I got applauded and producer Lena Dunham said nice things to me at dinner and also from the stage.

But also

I’ve had a recurring nightmare this past year of coming home to find people in my house having sex. “Nightmare” not because I’m anti-sex, or have an issue with people having sex without me, but rather there’s this crazy feeling of “how do I work this?” when it’s your house, people you know and love, and there is no place for you.

The problem is haha that this nightmare has been real, and recurring. I’ve tried to be modern about it all, and deal with it. But basically, this poly situation went so terribly wrong, me trying to be cool and fun and OK with the fact that the three people I loved most in life don’t actually want me around. My smoking habit has ballooned, not because of actual nicotine addiction, but because there is no place for me. The only place I can go is out for a cigarette, or to the kitchen to cook a meal.

The problem is mine, and the solution is clear. I need to get out of this situation and into one where I am welcome, where there is a place for me. I can't be with my boyfriend any more he doesn't understand how much this situation has fucked me up and he doesn't know how to fix it. I don't know how to fix it.. I've fixed my self-esteem issues since last summer and my only feeling now is "I deserve so much better than this". Ghosted the other couple, they are good people but our relationship is toxic.

I need to get out of here.. familiar places incl. family places are no good because I've been with my bf for 13 years and everybody loves him. I still have so much work and can't really be anywhere without like a piano or whatever, I need to be around friends, I don't know I don't know what to do.

Is peacing tf out for like 2+ weeks an option? Like an actual isolated retreat/vacation-type thing where you don't work on work and you don't contact bf? It sounds so v cheesy, I know, and I know you and I are diff in a lot of ways and respond to diff types of stimuli and environments and whatnot, but when I left Philly/NJ for 4 months and traveled it was v rejuvenating and I came home w/ a greater sense of self and purpose. I don't know if traveling solo is the means by which you would accomplish this end, but I really want a similar type of rejuvenation for you and I think it would be so great!

i really love this snow

fgti, you know what not to do at least... Can you decamp to a friend's place for awhile to do your work?

wishing you the best to get through this, fella

i don't like the swamps around every intersection, surm, which was actually the subject of a NYT op-ed today. That this City, above all, puts pedestrians last is obscene.

ok that is true

Sorry for the AAAAAAA posts but it's gotten really bad! Panic attacks! No sleep be nightmares! And in ghosting the other couple I've lost two of my best friends ;_; for whom I've typically relied upon for emotional support but in this case are no help because they are a contributing factor!

I think I'm gonna actually read some literature for straights about how to "get over an affair" because that's essentially what I'm dealing with, feeling sidelined for for my boyfriend's intimacy

Also I think I may sell some shit I don't need and go to Rome

go to rome!

J0rdan otm

Prob will!

Actually had a sudden breakthrough, "sudden" more like after six days of intense insanity (and eight months of emotional abuse), which ran something like "what has this man ever done to deserve to be called my brother"

It's amazing how heartlessness looks so shitty from the outside but feels so good from within

D4n S4vage just followed me on Twitter for some reason, what do I do

ask if his kid has begun rebelling against his annoying smug ass

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/y2PtsSKE4mY/maxresdefault.jpg

Go to Rome. Will you. Go to Rome.

i have seen a few guys lately with mixed results - ! i guess it's up and down eh

i am supposed to have drinks/whatever with a Brian tonight. he seems nice? this is the 2nd time i will have hung out with him, and i told him i'm in an open relationship etc.

how's everybody's groundhog day?

Putting together the list of the 50+ books I have to now read before May for my comprehensive exams. Gonna take a break and watch (the pretty gay, I'm told) Satyricon later.

Did he see his shadow?

no! apparently both Phils predict spring

that sounds like a lot of reading!

i am currently under the weather :(

what subject are yr exams in, crypto?

reading-wise, i am on book 3 of ferrante's neapolitan novels, which are so far marvelous

The upcoming one--my secondary field--is in Canadian lit. My primary--next year's (even bigger!) exam--is in Women/Gender and Lit.

Fan of creature comforts that I am, if I were ever to retire to a cabin in the woods for a month at a time, it'd be in the ones leading up to these exams.

hey i saw Joe Dallesandro's butt on a 40-foot screen the other night! then living Joe in the flesh.

Satyricon is the least gay gay film imaginable, at least til Philadelphia.

where may one see this butt

saw this article going around yesterday about the gay lib movement in chicago, i'd like to read this book

http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2016/02/01/queer_clout_in_chicago_telling_gay_history_beyond_stonewall_and_the_castro.html

i'm not sure if the major butt scenes (Jane Birkin's too) from Je t'aime moi non plus are available online... kind of a crap film really, which i was expecting.

oh, there is a still image i am not going to access at work...!

I started the first Ferrante novel yesterday.

A decade ago I read a wonderful history of gay NYC, Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World 1890-1940

xp cryp that sounds actually v interesting :)

Canadian lit: what's on the syllabus?

well i'm reading A Jest of God (1966) by Margaret Laurence, which has some les/bi content. Set in the boonies of Winnipeg!

i started but never finished 'gay new york,' what i read was v good tho

My reading list, for those interested: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ek393nctce6z3nw/Eng%209917-9937%20Canadian%20Literature%20.docx?dl=0

Ah so interesting, lots of "the right choice" from authors with a wide catalogue, so good to see "Surfacing" there i.e., pity it's all Anglo and sad to see Carson crossed off the poetry list

Lots of stuff I haven't read/haven't heard of, too, any revelations?

I'll keep you posted on my finds along the way!

For most of the Modern/Contempo picks, I was given an author and asked to fill in a text, and I went with stuff I already knew or owned when possible (Surfacing being one of my picks). Sorry to lose Carson; I based my poetry selections on what was in the anthology I owned (Carson's in there, but underrepresented).

Maybe it has something to do with those 50+ books I have to read over the next few months, but I just didn't have the patience to get all the way through Satyricon tonight. It has some cute boys in it, sure, but so does any music video by The Vamps.

i almost listened to The Amps today!

also i think my date fell through and i'm p sure i have to go out tonight. i wish someone had a jeep who could pick me uppppp

the thing is i rly don't know if i want to go to the neighborhood bar at 8p. even though the outfit does work for the early hour...

Btw, fgti--or anyone!--who wants to talk to me about Canadian lit, we can arrange something off thread/board (hard as it may be to believe, I suppose it is possible that there are gays here who don't give a shit about Canadian literature). Talking about it with others can only help me in my studies. At the very least, i'd love to hear what some of your faves are.

Oh shiiiii yes I have lots of suggestions.

What else? oh! My bf and I finally had a conversation that ended in discussion and resolution instead of broken glasses and tears? After eight months of trying! We're so proud.

Also I know I've been posting only "FUCK" posts about this whole poly chain dickaround, for what, the past year and a half? But there was a nice moment a couple weeks ago when my bf and I were having sex and he tried doing some uncharacteristic sexytalk and asked me "tell me about what it's like to fuck ____" and the immediate thought that came into my head was "there's always a moment when we both drowse awake at the same time and the afternoon sun is crossing our naked bodies and we're still holding each other so tight and every breath is love love love on my neck and.." but I thought better and faked it and made up something about a delicious asshole

fgti - I just sent you a message via ILX email (does anyone ever check these things?).

it goes straight to my main email, i assume that's the default setup

i put together a nice playlist this morning!! currently Trisha Yearwood's "She's In Love With The Boy" is on.

what's everyone doing tonight?

hi gays!

I'm introducing Poison for a Christine Vachon festival running at one of the local art houses, so I'm writing a few paragraphs w/the help of a Tru martini.

i'm going over to my boyf's, he's working on this 3 ft tall hat he made out of papier mache and a tomato cage for a bookstore dada thing this weekend and i'll probably get some take-out. i wish i had my laptop so i could split up tracks i ripped from new records while he's doing his thing.

Reading a collection of Canadian poetry about the Underground Railroad!

wow such nice nights for everyone!

i'm rly excited because i wrote a song and a guy that i found who's a record mixer is making it sound really good for me. It should be done in a month or so!

Let's hear it in a month or so!