HEY JEWS

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Yep. With family for Passover and they're huge kosher-keepers, so we're also kosher-keepers by default.

Mordy, Monday, 6 April 2009 14:42 (5 years ago) Permalink

I'm all for eating some matzah, but no way I'm koshering my kitchen.

Also: not actually Jewish, so technically not obligated to do shit.

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 14:42 (5 years ago) Permalink

i'm invited to a house for passover where they'll be drinking and smoking lots of trees

Surmounter, Monday, 6 April 2009 14:47 (5 years ago) Permalink

Haha, ditto. Possibly the same one.

What does koshering actually involve, anyway? I'm vaguely aware of boiling water and possibly some earth or dirt or something? I know you can kosher stainless steel sinks and dishwashers etc but not ceramic or enamel ones. It must be enough of a pain that people cover their counters for Passover rather than deal with it.

guys i need to eliminate this business associate and im really nervous (Laurel), Monday, 6 April 2009 14:50 (5 years ago) Permalink

strut around with a candle looking for leavened shit

s1ocki, Monday, 6 April 2009 14:56 (5 years ago) Permalink

Okay so I read this thread title to the tone/pace of the sample starting Front 242's 'Welcome to Paradise.'

Ned Raggett, Monday, 6 April 2009 14:58 (5 years ago) Permalink

xxp

My parents fill their sinks with boiling water, then drop a burning hot brick into the water in the sink until it overflows on the counter. I think that's how they kasher their sinks. I know one guy who uses a blowtorch.

Mordy, Monday, 6 April 2009 15:06 (5 years ago) Permalink

whoa

s1ocki, Monday, 6 April 2009 15:06 (5 years ago) Permalink

Oh yeah. You can't really blow-torch the Corian, can you. I guess I assumed you'd have to get a rabbi in for the ritual re-purification. Is that actually a DIY project? Cool!

guys i need to eliminate this business associate and im really nervous (Laurel), Monday, 6 April 2009 15:07 (5 years ago) Permalink

We got offered a couple of really cheap apartments in a Lubavitch nabe, until they found out my roomie has a dog. But I specified that we wouldn't be a religious household, or keep kosher, and they were like, whatever, we can take care of that. So...really? The oven, too?

guys i need to eliminate this business associate and im really nervous (Laurel), Monday, 6 April 2009 15:09 (5 years ago) Permalink

Self-cleaning oven.

Mordy, Monday, 6 April 2009 15:12 (5 years ago) Permalink

And yeah, this stuff can all be done DIY style. As long as you know the laws, there's nothing you need a Rabbi for.

Mordy, Monday, 6 April 2009 15:13 (5 years ago) Permalink

Awesome. I do love the endless ingenuity, practical AND theological.

guys i need to eliminate this business associate and im really nervous (Laurel), Monday, 6 April 2009 15:13 (5 years ago) Permalink

I'm celebrating Passover by saying something about it on the internet.

Zero Transfats Waller (Oilyrags), Monday, 6 April 2009 15:41 (5 years ago) Permalink

we have some matzah in the house and will probably be going to a seder. I don't bother with the kosherness, I ain't wandering in any stupid desert.

This Board is a Prison on Planet Bullshit (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 6 April 2009 15:52 (5 years ago) Permalink

i really like passover, am i crazy?

cutty, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:04 (5 years ago) Permalink

no its usually my fave

s1ocki, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:11 (5 years ago) Permalink

i bought kosher for passover coke yesterday. it's delicious.

right thread, Ned (mizzell), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:14 (5 years ago) Permalink

ooh nice

s1ocki, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:16 (5 years ago) Permalink

it's like thanksgiving, in april, without bread

cutty, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:18 (5 years ago) Permalink

OH SHIT PASSOVER COKE. Need.

guys i need to eliminate this business associate and im really nervous (Laurel), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:20 (5 years ago) Permalink

I am going to a seder (my first), but because the hostess can't do it on the usual night(s), we're doing it on the 18th. Pseudo-seder. But I'm still psyched. Might try to sort of keep kosher-ish just to see what it's like.

Ooooh and I'm in charge of making charoset for the pseudo-seder, so recipes pls!

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:24 (5 years ago) Permalink

lol i read that coke thing really wrong.
xposts

tehresa, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:25 (5 years ago) Permalink

Also: how much hebrew vs. english at your seder?

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:25 (5 years ago) Permalink

I never understood why anything other than unleavened bread is necessary though? I mean no bread as a symbol/reminder of events passed makes sense, keeping kosher out of respect for the period I can see, but, like not being allowed to eat corn? What's up with that?

mehlt, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:32 (5 years ago) Permalink

um are you unfamiliar with the passover story or what

This Board is a Prison on Planet Bullshit (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:33 (5 years ago) Permalink

oh snap

s1ocki, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:35 (5 years ago) Permalink

During Passover, Jews refrain from eating chometz: anything that contains barley, wheat, rye, oats, and spelt, and is not cooked within 18 minutes after coming in contact with water. No leavening is allowed. This signifies the fact that the Hebrews had no time to let their bread rise as they made a hurried escape from Egypt.
Jews of different backgrounds do not observe all of the same rules. Ashkenazi Jews, who come from Europe (most Jews in America), also avoid corn, rice, peanuts, and legumes as they are also used to make bread and may have other grains mixed in. These items are known as kitniyot.

mizzell, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:35 (5 years ago) Permalink

I thought it was anything that swells in contact with water? Or something like that. No corn syrup, in any case, which gives us delicious REAL SUGAR COKE.

guys i need to eliminate this business associate and im really nervous (Laurel), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:38 (5 years ago) Permalink

The Torah instructs a Jew not to eat (or even possess) chometz all seven days of Passover (Exodus 13:3). "Chometz" is defined as any of the five grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye) that came into contact with water for more than 18 minutes. This is a serious Torah prohibition, and for that reason we take extra protective measures on Passover to prevent any mistakes.

Which brings us to another category of food called "kitniyot" (sometimes referred to generically as "legumes"). This includes rice, corn, soy beans, string beans, peas, lentils, peanuts, mustard, sesame seeds and poppy seeds. Even though kitniyot cannot technically become chometz, Ashkenazi Jews do not eat them on Passover. Why?

The Smak (Rabbi Moshe of Kouchi, 13th century, France) explains that products of kitniyot appear like chometz products. For example, it can be hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chometz). Therefore, to prevent confusion, all kitniyot was prohibited.

mizzell, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:40 (5 years ago) Permalink

I'm throwing myself in with the Sephardic camp this year.

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:42 (5 years ago) Permalink

Take a Hot Dog
and make it Kosher

the drummer from the hilarious 1990's Britpop act Gay Dad (wanko ergo sum), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:45 (5 years ago) Permalink

Oh makes more sense, and yes, I know the story, but I'm wondering why go so much further than just bread, I mean, Matzah is just unleavened bread, still has wheat in it and all, it's not like they didn't have enough time to cook pasta when escaping Egypt.

mehlt, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:46 (5 years ago) Permalink

Keep hearing the spoken intro to "One Step Beyond" when I see this thread title.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:47 (5 years ago) Permalink

Which is to say, eating corn is a long ways away from letting bread rise.

mehlt, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:48 (5 years ago) Permalink

Keep hearing the spoken intro to "One Step Beyond" when I see this thread title.

Don't eat that - EAT THIS

This Board is a Prison on Planet Bullshit (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:51 (5 years ago) Permalink

passover is a great holiday.
G R E A T

BUT, the Haggadahs have not arrived in the mail from my grandfather yet and I'm also getting a bit nervous about seating... also, anyone have a good veggie matzoh ball soup recipe? vegetarians certainly won't eat teh brisket.

ian, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:55 (5 years ago) Permalink

good god how do vegetarians ever survive during Passover without the grains?

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:58 (5 years ago) Permalink

apparently quinoa is ok.

mizzell, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:59 (5 years ago) Permalink

good to qui-know-a

rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Monday, 6 April 2009 17:00 (5 years ago) Permalink

Seven days of quinoa and matzah sounds . . . constipating.

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:00 (5 years ago) Permalink

Can we turn this thread also into a list of all of the awesome things about being jewish in general?

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:01 (5 years ago) Permalink

1. Chosen people.
2. Latkes

ian, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:02 (5 years ago) Permalink

3. Talmud

ian, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:03 (5 years ago) Permalink

4. hot sabbath sex

This Board is a Prison on Planet Bullshit (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 6 April 2009 17:03 (5 years ago) Permalink

5. Neuroses

This Board is a Prison on Planet Bullshit (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 6 April 2009 17:04 (5 years ago) Permalink

6. control of the media/money

good god how do vegetarians ever survive during Passover without the grains?

― quincie, Monday, April 6, 2009 11:58 AM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

This may explain my increased secularism that started around the time I became vegetarian.

mehlt, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:04 (5 years ago) Permalink

6. Noodle kugel

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:05 (5 years ago) Permalink

7. Tikkun olam as commandment

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:07 (5 years ago) Permalink

7. anything heimische...

suggest bánh mi (suzy), Monday, 6 April 2009 17:08 (5 years ago) Permalink

NAGL for the jews

quincie, Sunday, 23 March 2014 00:33 (4 months ago) Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWzK5mVuGzM

Mordy , Thursday, 27 March 2014 20:27 (3 months ago) Permalink

xpost My first reaction is that no way were Israelis stupid enough to dress as the KKK for Purim, but then I thought, yeah, pretty much everyone is stupid enough to do something that stupid.

Back in school we had to read transcripts of the original Klan meetings, and it's kind of amazing how many people showed up to join. Iirc, it's basically like:

"blah blah early Klan stuff"

(guy raises hand) "Can Jews join?"

"No. Blhal blah more Klan ..."

(another hand goes up)

"Can Catholics join?"

"No" And so on.

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 27 March 2014 20:49 (3 months ago) Permalink

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/mitt-romney-corners-matzo-market

Bain Capitol buying Manischewitz

curmudgeon, Tuesday, 8 April 2014 14:47 (3 months ago) Permalink

They should go heritage brand with it

ביטקוין‎ (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 April 2014 14:50 (3 months ago) Permalink

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/food/passover-with-a-strictly-biblical-flavor/2014/04/07/f6893c04-b531-11e3-b899-20667de76985_story.html

How Karaite Jews celebrate Passover (I've never heard of them before)
excerpt:

The Torah’s Book of Exodus, Chapter 12, offers one description of the instructions for Passover fare: “The Lord said to Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt: [Each household] shall eat [lamb] roasted over the fire, with unleavened bread and with bitter herbs” (Jewish Publication Society translation).

Remy Pessah of Mountain View, Calif., follows those words and long-standing family traditions each year at Passover time. Born in Egypt, the 66-year-old chemical engineer turned fiber artist was raised with Karaite Judaism. (“Karaite” is a form of the Hebrew word “karaim,” or “followers of Scripture.”) She joined the Karaite community in the San Francisco Bay area, which by some estimates includes more than 200 families. Pessah’s Seder table reflects this Jewish movement that takes its cues directly from the Tanach: the Torah, Prophets and additional texts known as Writings.

“Our Seder is pretty much different from the rabbinical Seders,” Pessah says. “The way we read the Haggadah, the preparation of the Haggadah, the whole atmosphere.”

It indeed differs, both in terms of the Haggadah, the book of readings that tells the Passover story and guides the Seder, and the meal. There are no Four Questions at a Karaite Seder. There is no fruity charoset and no wine — the latter is a fermented product. Instead, Pessah serves homemade grape juice.

The rabbinic Seders that Pessah referred to are what most observant American Jews know as the standard. Those Seders are based largely on the ancient rabbis’ redaction of the Tanach. That redaction is called the Oral Torah. The Karaites see the Oral Torah an interpretation rather than hard-and-fast rules. Some of the several thousand Karaites in the United States, especially those far from the Bay Area enclave, practice a mixture of Karaite and rabbinical traditions. The biggest Karaite community resides in Israel, and another pocket lives in Turkey.

curmudgeon, Friday, 11 April 2014 19:42 (3 months ago) Permalink

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/passover-seders-move-to-nights-that-work-for-busy-lives/2014/04/13/3eca9316-c106-11e3-bcec-b71ee10e9bc3_story.html

No Karaite Jews quoted here. This is about how Passover's 8 nights, and you may as well do the seder on a night that works for everyone to get together (according to some).

curmudgeon, Monday, 14 April 2014 14:47 (3 months ago) Permalink

We actually had a seder last night which is kind of ridiculous but that was what worked for my very secular in-laws.

ביטקוין‎ (Hurting 2), Monday, 14 April 2014 14:48 (3 months ago) Permalink

It's that time again!!!!

Hey Jews I wrote a little passover ditty, sung to the chorus of "Eye of the Tiger":

It's the
Bread of affliction
It's the bread of the Jews
Risen bread--it's not kosher during Pe-sach
And my boss--says "be careful! It is con-sti-pa-ting"
I-don't-care-I-just-ate-sev-en sheeeeeeeeeets
Of the mat-zah

― quincie, Sunday, April 12, 2009 9:44 PM (11 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Monday, 14 April 2014 16:07 (3 months ago) Permalink

loool

ביטקוין‎ (Hurting 2), Monday, 14 April 2014 16:08 (3 months ago) Permalink

ooooh I need matzah crack recipe--the stuff with toffee and chocolate and nuts. Anyone?

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Monday, 14 April 2014 16:09 (3 months ago) Permalink

i love that song

gbx, Monday, 14 April 2014 19:41 (3 months ago) Permalink

I need matzah crack recipe

hold on a sec let me ask my wife

How dare you tarnish the reputation of Turturro's yodel (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 14 April 2014 19:46 (3 months ago) Permalink

http://www.davidlebovitz.com/2008/01/chocolatecovere/

Via google, but have never made it.

curmudgeon, Monday, 14 April 2014 19:51 (3 months ago) Permalink

Awesome, thanks!

I am seder-less this year, but I'm still gonna eat seven sheets of matzah, dammit!

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Monday, 14 April 2014 22:16 (3 months ago) Permalink

happy passover, jews!

I am so going to make that matzah crack omg

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 15 April 2014 00:02 (3 months ago) Permalink

Happy pesach y'all

ביטקוין‎ (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 02:11 (3 months ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

everyone agreed that a gift-shop synagogue was better than no synagogue at all.

I guess so

curmudgeon, Friday, 16 May 2014 17:53 (2 months ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

my bro just tweeted this:
http://www.tikkun.org/tikkundaily/2014/05/29/an-open-letter-from-the-shondes/

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 3 June 2014 21:38 (1 month ago) Permalink

They being dropped from the festival because of their support for the Boycott Israel BDS thing has gotten lots of media attention in DC, and they got a non-fest gig opening for DC punk band Priests instead.

curmudgeon, Wednesday, 4 June 2014 16:15 (1 month ago) Permalink

Caught this on a plane and it was frequently hilarious

, Thursday, 5 June 2014 12:27 (1 month ago) Permalink

kinda take umbrage at the suggestion that 20th c humor is Jewish humor

Οὖτις, Thursday, 5 June 2014 20:52 (1 month ago) Permalink

idk who that guy is that made that claim tbh

Οὖτις, Thursday, 5 June 2014 20:52 (1 month ago) Permalink

It reminds me of those "Salt Explains World History" type books, you know, a grain of truth but take with a grain of, er, salt?

₴HABΔZZ ¶IZZΔ (Hurting 2), Thursday, 5 June 2014 20:55 (1 month ago) Permalink

yeah I mean it's obvious that Jewish humor is HUGE in the culture of American comedy but... maybe it would be more accurate to delineate pre-60s and post-60s, cuz once Pryor is on the scene I mean gtfo

Οὖτις, Thursday, 5 June 2014 20:58 (1 month ago) Permalink

The guy who made it seems like kind of a dweeb (my favorite part of the doc is when Bob Einstein lays into him) but he gets a lot of interviews with a lot of funny comedians

, Thursday, 5 June 2014 21:04 (1 month ago) Permalink

shakey mo, my DC shul shopping (which is rather lol for a non-Jew) led me to a Reconstructionist synagogue, where I will/would totally go if/when I were to actually convert. I go to High Holy Day services there and it is awesome and reconstructionism is a good fit for a not-feeling-the-personal-god-thing person such as myself.

― quincie, Thursday, March 20, 2014 4:27 AM (2 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

oh dang hold on which synagogue? are you going to Adat Shalom? b/c my parents were founding members and I was born into that congregation. I miss it a lot!

What Is It Like To Be A HOOS? (silby), Friday, 6 June 2014 19:24 (1 month ago) Permalink

^^^yes! Adat Shalom!

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Friday, 6 June 2014 23:08 (1 month ago) Permalink

wooo that's awesome

What Is It Like To Be A HOOS? (silby), Saturday, 7 June 2014 01:22 (1 month ago) Permalink

IDGI, why would you convert? save yourself time and money and get a nicer desk chair.

display name changed. (amateurist), Saturday, 7 June 2014 01:27 (1 month ago) Permalink

or some noise-cancelling headphones, those are good.

display name changed. (amateurist), Saturday, 7 June 2014 01:27 (1 month ago) Permalink

have I mentioned in this thread that I met my husband on JDate? HE IS NOT JEWISH BTW I mean I tried to marry in but was foiled.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Sunday, 8 June 2014 16:32 (1 month ago) Permalink

wait, you're not jewish and you married a non-jew but you're looking for a shul? and you were both on jdate?!

socki (s1ocki), Tuesday, 10 June 2014 17:09 (1 month ago) Permalink

quincie contains multitudes

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 10 June 2014 17:22 (1 month ago) Permalink

I failed at keeping kosher, if that helps.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 10 June 2014 17:45 (1 month ago) Permalink

well looks like we'll be enrolling little V in the Sunday "Judaism School" offered by the Reconstructionist Temple I mentioned somewhere upthread (Or Shalom). I only know one other family there but their girls know V from our preschool co-op and I like them a lot so we'll see how it goes.

One odd thing that came up was that my wife was surprised that we have to pay membership fees to join the Temple. My wife grew up in a Catholic family (although she never attended church, catechism, etc.) and thought this stuff was free. I kinda assumed the Catholic Church is probably about the only religious institution that can afford to offer services for free, but I don't really know how it works with other churches. I figured everybody's gotta tithe/pay dues (how else would anything get paid for), this can't just be a Jewish thing right?

Οὖτις, Monday, 16 June 2014 20:06 (1 month ago) Permalink

That had never occurred to me, but it makes sense. Synagogues are only loosely affiliated with central organizations (e.g. United Synagogue) and I don't think they are funded by them. I assume catholic churches get money from the big church.

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 June 2014 20:22 (1 month ago) Permalink

the Catholic Church just owns so much shit, real estate, etc. but the vast majority of religious institutions aren't like that. most aren't even centralized the way the Church is.

Οὖτις, Monday, 16 June 2014 20:36 (1 month ago) Permalink

I'm more surprised to hear that catholic churches provide free sunday school

Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 June 2014 20:37 (1 month ago) Permalink

I'm not sure they do tbh. I don't know any Catholic parents sending their kids, and asking people who grew up going to Catholic School isn't really helpful since when does a kid ever know what costs money.

Οὖτις, Monday, 16 June 2014 20:45 (1 month ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

baruch dayan emes, r' zalman schachter-shalomi passed away

Mordy, Thursday, 3 July 2014 18:33 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

i always heard that he used to study w/ shlomo carlebach when both were students of the Lubavitcher Rebbe at 770

Mordy, Thursday, 3 July 2014 18:35 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

temple we're considering joining hosted a talk from this guy, which I consider a positive sign:

now I gotta figure out how much $$$ we can actually afford to join oy

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 16 July 2014 16:59 (1 week ago) Permalink

i always heard that he used to study w/ shlomo carlebach when both were students of the Lubavitcher Rebbe at 770

I knew he was old but I had no idea

Guayaquil (eephus!), Wednesday, 16 July 2014 18:29 (1 week ago) Permalink


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