HEY JEWS

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Yep. With family for Passover and they're huge kosher-keepers, so we're also kosher-keepers by default.

Mordy, Monday, 6 April 2009 14:42 (seven years ago) Permalink

I'm all for eating some matzah, but no way I'm koshering my kitchen.

Also: not actually Jewish, so technically not obligated to do shit.

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 14:42 (seven years ago) Permalink

i'm invited to a house for passover where they'll be drinking and smoking lots of trees

Surmounter, Monday, 6 April 2009 14:47 (seven years ago) Permalink

Haha, ditto. Possibly the same one.

What does koshering actually involve, anyway? I'm vaguely aware of boiling water and possibly some earth or dirt or something? I know you can kosher stainless steel sinks and dishwashers etc but not ceramic or enamel ones. It must be enough of a pain that people cover their counters for Passover rather than deal with it.

guys i need to eliminate this business associate and im really nervous (Laurel), Monday, 6 April 2009 14:50 (seven years ago) Permalink

strut around with a candle looking for leavened shit

s1ocki, Monday, 6 April 2009 14:56 (seven years ago) Permalink

Okay so I read this thread title to the tone/pace of the sample starting Front 242's 'Welcome to Paradise.'

Ned Raggett, Monday, 6 April 2009 14:58 (seven years ago) Permalink

xxp

My parents fill their sinks with boiling water, then drop a burning hot brick into the water in the sink until it overflows on the counter. I think that's how they kasher their sinks. I know one guy who uses a blowtorch.

Mordy, Monday, 6 April 2009 15:06 (seven years ago) Permalink

whoa

s1ocki, Monday, 6 April 2009 15:06 (seven years ago) Permalink

Oh yeah. You can't really blow-torch the Corian, can you. I guess I assumed you'd have to get a rabbi in for the ritual re-purification. Is that actually a DIY project? Cool!

guys i need to eliminate this business associate and im really nervous (Laurel), Monday, 6 April 2009 15:07 (seven years ago) Permalink

We got offered a couple of really cheap apartments in a Lubavitch nabe, until they found out my roomie has a dog. But I specified that we wouldn't be a religious household, or keep kosher, and they were like, whatever, we can take care of that. So...really? The oven, too?

guys i need to eliminate this business associate and im really nervous (Laurel), Monday, 6 April 2009 15:09 (seven years ago) Permalink

Self-cleaning oven.

Mordy, Monday, 6 April 2009 15:12 (seven years ago) Permalink

And yeah, this stuff can all be done DIY style. As long as you know the laws, there's nothing you need a Rabbi for.

Mordy, Monday, 6 April 2009 15:13 (seven years ago) Permalink

Awesome. I do love the endless ingenuity, practical AND theological.

guys i need to eliminate this business associate and im really nervous (Laurel), Monday, 6 April 2009 15:13 (seven years ago) Permalink

I'm celebrating Passover by saying something about it on the internet.

Zero Transfats Waller (Oilyrags), Monday, 6 April 2009 15:41 (seven years ago) Permalink

we have some matzah in the house and will probably be going to a seder. I don't bother with the kosherness, I ain't wandering in any stupid desert.

This Board is a Prison on Planet Bullshit (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 6 April 2009 15:52 (seven years ago) Permalink

i really like passover, am i crazy?

cutty, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:04 (seven years ago) Permalink

no its usually my fave

s1ocki, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:11 (seven years ago) Permalink

i bought kosher for passover coke yesterday. it's delicious.

right thread, Ned (mizzell), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:14 (seven years ago) Permalink

ooh nice

s1ocki, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:16 (seven years ago) Permalink

it's like thanksgiving, in april, without bread

cutty, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:18 (seven years ago) Permalink

OH SHIT PASSOVER COKE. Need.

guys i need to eliminate this business associate and im really nervous (Laurel), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:20 (seven years ago) Permalink

I am going to a seder (my first), but because the hostess can't do it on the usual night(s), we're doing it on the 18th. Pseudo-seder. But I'm still psyched. Might try to sort of keep kosher-ish just to see what it's like.

Ooooh and I'm in charge of making charoset for the pseudo-seder, so recipes pls!

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:24 (seven years ago) Permalink

lol i read that coke thing really wrong.
xposts

tehresa, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:25 (seven years ago) Permalink

Also: how much hebrew vs. english at your seder?

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:25 (seven years ago) Permalink

I never understood why anything other than unleavened bread is necessary though? I mean no bread as a symbol/reminder of events passed makes sense, keeping kosher out of respect for the period I can see, but, like not being allowed to eat corn? What's up with that?

mehlt, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:32 (seven years ago) Permalink

um are you unfamiliar with the passover story or what

This Board is a Prison on Planet Bullshit (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:33 (seven years ago) Permalink

oh snap

s1ocki, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:35 (seven years ago) Permalink

During Passover, Jews refrain from eating chometz: anything that contains barley, wheat, rye, oats, and spelt, and is not cooked within 18 minutes after coming in contact with water. No leavening is allowed. This signifies the fact that the Hebrews had no time to let their bread rise as they made a hurried escape from Egypt.
Jews of different backgrounds do not observe all of the same rules. Ashkenazi Jews, who come from Europe (most Jews in America), also avoid corn, rice, peanuts, and legumes as they are also used to make bread and may have other grains mixed in. These items are known as kitniyot.

mizzell, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:35 (seven years ago) Permalink

I thought it was anything that swells in contact with water? Or something like that. No corn syrup, in any case, which gives us delicious REAL SUGAR COKE.

guys i need to eliminate this business associate and im really nervous (Laurel), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:38 (seven years ago) Permalink

The Torah instructs a Jew not to eat (or even possess) chometz all seven days of Passover (Exodus 13:3). "Chometz" is defined as any of the five grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye) that came into contact with water for more than 18 minutes. This is a serious Torah prohibition, and for that reason we take extra protective measures on Passover to prevent any mistakes.

Which brings us to another category of food called "kitniyot" (sometimes referred to generically as "legumes"). This includes rice, corn, soy beans, string beans, peas, lentils, peanuts, mustard, sesame seeds and poppy seeds. Even though kitniyot cannot technically become chometz, Ashkenazi Jews do not eat them on Passover. Why?

The Smak (Rabbi Moshe of Kouchi, 13th century, France) explains that products of kitniyot appear like chometz products. For example, it can be hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chometz). Therefore, to prevent confusion, all kitniyot was prohibited.

mizzell, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:40 (seven years ago) Permalink

I'm throwing myself in with the Sephardic camp this year.

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:42 (seven years ago) Permalink

Take a Hot Dog
and make it Kosher

the drummer from the hilarious 1990's Britpop act Gay Dad (wanko ergo sum), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:45 (seven years ago) Permalink

Oh makes more sense, and yes, I know the story, but I'm wondering why go so much further than just bread, I mean, Matzah is just unleavened bread, still has wheat in it and all, it's not like they didn't have enough time to cook pasta when escaping Egypt.

mehlt, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:46 (seven years ago) Permalink

Keep hearing the spoken intro to "One Step Beyond" when I see this thread title.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:47 (seven years ago) Permalink

Which is to say, eating corn is a long ways away from letting bread rise.

mehlt, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:48 (seven years ago) Permalink

Keep hearing the spoken intro to "One Step Beyond" when I see this thread title.

Don't eat that - EAT THIS

This Board is a Prison on Planet Bullshit (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 6 April 2009 16:51 (seven years ago) Permalink

passover is a great holiday.
G R E A T

BUT, the Haggadahs have not arrived in the mail from my grandfather yet and I'm also getting a bit nervous about seating... also, anyone have a good veggie matzoh ball soup recipe? vegetarians certainly won't eat teh brisket.

ian, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:55 (seven years ago) Permalink

good god how do vegetarians ever survive during Passover without the grains?

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:58 (seven years ago) Permalink

apparently quinoa is ok.

mizzell, Monday, 6 April 2009 16:59 (seven years ago) Permalink

good to qui-know-a

rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Monday, 6 April 2009 17:00 (seven years ago) Permalink

Seven days of quinoa and matzah sounds . . . constipating.

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:00 (seven years ago) Permalink

Can we turn this thread also into a list of all of the awesome things about being jewish in general?

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:01 (seven years ago) Permalink

1. Chosen people.
2. Latkes

ian, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:02 (seven years ago) Permalink

3. Talmud

ian, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:03 (seven years ago) Permalink

4. hot sabbath sex

This Board is a Prison on Planet Bullshit (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 6 April 2009 17:03 (seven years ago) Permalink

5. Neuroses

This Board is a Prison on Planet Bullshit (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 6 April 2009 17:04 (seven years ago) Permalink

6. control of the media/money

good god how do vegetarians ever survive during Passover without the grains?

― quincie, Monday, April 6, 2009 11:58 AM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

This may explain my increased secularism that started around the time I became vegetarian.

mehlt, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:04 (seven years ago) Permalink

6. Noodle kugel

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:05 (seven years ago) Permalink

7. Tikkun olam as commandment

quincie, Monday, 6 April 2009 17:07 (seven years ago) Permalink

7. anything heimische...

suggest bánh mi (suzy), Monday, 6 April 2009 17:08 (seven years ago) Permalink

for future reference

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 31 August 2016 18:49 (four months ago) Permalink

kinda wanna poll

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 31 August 2016 18:50 (four months ago) Permalink

four weeks pass...

Great link forks thanks

slathered in cream and covered with stickers (silby), Wednesday, 28 September 2016 02:58 (three months ago) Permalink

Hey Jews! What's everyone doing for the holidays?

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Wednesday, 28 September 2016 22:28 (three months ago) Permalink

goin to family services for yom kippur

temple had a challah-making thing we went to last weekend

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 28 September 2016 22:32 (three months ago) Permalink

I have never attempted challah. I'm not much of a baker, and good challah is pretty easy to find. How was yours?

I am working the Jewish holidays because I need the comp time for a vacation later in the year. Also: not actually Jewish.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Wednesday, 28 September 2016 22:34 (three months ago) Permalink

Yesterday I hung out with two rabbis on separate occasions and they were both really cool and I want to hang out with them again.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Wednesday, 28 September 2016 22:35 (three months ago) Permalink

Also yesterday at a meeting my colleague leaned over and asked if it were really possible that Trump contained shards of light from the shattered vessel. She thought not.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Wednesday, 28 September 2016 22:37 (three months ago) Permalink

my wife (who is Hungarian and not Jewish) is nonetheless a master (mistress?) baker so she's p much got it down. but given that this was a family event (ie involving little kids) the recipe everyone was following was different/simpler and was "not how she would have done it" lol. still tasted great/came out fine.

I'm gonna be working cuz um I'm not that observant really

xp

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 28 September 2016 22:38 (three months ago) Permalink

I made rounds with a rabbi to visit (hospice) patients this week; he brought along two shofars (um I suspect that is not how to make a plural of shofar?) to play. They were both pretty small and sounded. . . not so nice as big shofars I have heard.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Wednesday, 28 September 2016 22:40 (three months ago) Permalink

lol why haven't you converted yet already

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 28 September 2016 22:40 (three months ago) Permalink

A reasonable question, for sure! Ger toshav is a place that has seemed right for me. Maybe this will change, maybe not. MOving to a day-to-day Jewish environment (employment-wise) is a shift, for sure.

No idea how it will shake out. A huge--HUGE--factor is the issue of (potentially) being the only Jew in an extended family. . . what does that even mean? My family is very Jew-positive, but that is different from being all-in, y'know? So, fellow traveler. All of the values, all of the guilt, all of the pork.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Thursday, 29 September 2016 02:13 (three months ago) Permalink

i did a local BK thing with Holocaust survivors; mostly just prepping food and then talking and dancing with them. Really intense, especially given my grandmother's recent passing. I will likely try it again; they meet more or less biweekly.

thrusted pelvis-first back (ulysses), Thursday, 29 September 2016 07:34 (three months ago) Permalink

Hey Jews,

G'mar hatima tova

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 11 October 2016 17:51 (three months ago) Permalink

i heard a really nice lecture tnite about keeping two days of chag that looked at responsa + halachic literature from orthodox, conservative and reform. v interesting material but i thought these two excerpts from the end were particularly lovely + wanted to share them. the first (continued from the previous page) is from R' Norman Lamm:

Mordy, Sunday, 23 October 2016 04:02 (two months ago) Permalink

one month passes...

Anecdotal, but it's interesting to me that a number of orthodox families send their kids to my daughter's conservative preschool. That never would have happened at the conservative preschool I went to. Anecdotal, but I wonder if it's a symptom of demand in the neighborhood outstripping orthodox school availability.

the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Tuesday, 20 December 2016 17:55 (four weeks ago) Permalink

is this a study showing me religiously conservative people have more kids?

mh 😏, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 21:42 (four weeks ago) Permalink

the reason why the share of orthodox jews is growing is indeed bc religiously conservative people have more kids however that fact alone tells u nothing since religiously conservative people had more kids in 1920 and 1950 too. the important takeaway is that the having more kids is starting to become a major demographic trend that will likely shift/complicate the meaning of being jewish in america in the future.

Mordy, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 21:44 (four weeks ago) Permalink

minor snark aside...

my friends were unaware of that ridiculous mensch on a bench toy, which I find inexplicably hilarious, and I am totally buying them one

mh 😏, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 21:56 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Everyone have enough candles? I forgot that you're not supposed to put let them burn out every night, thus going through more than 9.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Saturday, 24 December 2016 15:03 (three weeks ago) Permalink

got one of the last 3 oil packs in town it seems like. everyone was sold out - called the judaica store on thursday and she was like "i just got a shipment in" - i ran over and by the time i got there they were almost all out of the brand new shipment!

Mordy, Saturday, 24 December 2016 15:04 (three weeks ago) Permalink

You're not supposed to put them out, is what I meant to say.

For the second or third Christmas in a row I will be chilling at a data center while husband works in the cage. The data center is out in the exurbs of NoVa, the only redeeming feature of which is a truly excellent Taiwanese restaurant, so I will be doing the Jews-going-out-for-Chinese on Christmas thing.

Post your Hannukah plans here thusly, pls.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Saturday, 24 December 2016 15:06 (three weeks ago) Permalink

luckily not spending christmas at the data center we're working in - the contractor we're subbing for shuts down for all the holidays and won't let us work w/out them on site. will instead be watching the nfl games today and hoping i win my fantasy football superbowl. maybe i'll order chinese takeout tonight?

Mordy, Saturday, 24 December 2016 15:17 (three weeks ago) Permalink

You'd think Jews would not be that novel in a big city in 2016, but it's been amusing today, listening to the kids of our awesome and generous neighbors as they stop by to deliver homemade treats, struggling with what to wish us. They're so wary, so compelled to wish us "Merry Christmas" but so careful (and considerate!) to avoid the phrase, like it would be the worst social blunder. A brother and sister just came by to deliver us a homemade dreidel pendant, which was so thoughtful. The brother made sure to say Happy Hanukkah, and then the older sister wished me a Merry Christmas, making the younger brother freak out. "No, you're not supposed to say that!!!" But jeez, if us Jews took it all that seriously we'd all be jumping off red and green lit bridges this time of year.

Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 24 December 2016 20:32 (three weeks ago) Permalink

^^^this. I work at a large Jewish social services agency where the staff is about 50/50 Jewish/non-Jewish; without some context (pictures of a Torah scroll at a colleague's desk, for example), it's not always easy to hazard a guess as to who is what. There was a surprising amount of bet-hedging "Happy Holidays!" going around this week, which only really works when Christmas and Hanukkah actually coincide.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Saturday, 24 December 2016 20:53 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Which is, like, once every 45 years or something.

Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 24 December 2016 21:35 (three weeks ago) Permalink

I happily accept all merry xmas wishes and have never met any jews who seriously feel otherwise

Οὖτις, Saturday, 24 December 2016 22:11 (three weeks ago) Permalink

i would never be so churlish as to be literally offended when somebody tells me "merry christmas" but all the same i feel it as a small good thing when someone says "happy holidays," not a big deal, just a microgenerosity like holding a door open

Guayaquil (eephus!), Saturday, 24 December 2016 22:37 (three weeks ago) Permalink

i say "merry christmas" to people who i know to be christian and "happy hanukkah" to known jews and "happy holidays" or "have a good holiday" or "happy new year" to strangers

Guayaquil (eephus!), Saturday, 24 December 2016 22:38 (three weeks ago) Permalink

I want a new non-denominational thing to say to people. Happy Holidays is such weak sauce

a Warren Beatty film about Earth (El Tomboto), Saturday, 24 December 2016 22:43 (three weeks ago) Permalink

"Congratulations!"

a Warren Beatty film about Earth (El Tomboto), Saturday, 24 December 2016 22:47 (three weeks ago) Permalink

"You're Welcome!"

a Warren Beatty film about Earth (El Tomboto), Saturday, 24 December 2016 22:49 (three weeks ago) Permalink

"Mary Poppins!"

a Warren Beatty film about Earth (El Tomboto), Saturday, 24 December 2016 23:07 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Tomboto how much Jewish stuff is going down in casa de Tomboto these days

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Saturday, 24 December 2016 23:32 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Like maybe you should come over next week for latkes and hot sauce, which is how we roll here

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Saturday, 24 December 2016 23:33 (three weeks ago) Permalink

I dunno if I mentioned this already but I am back in Jew School. I love the rabbi, he is a really engaging teacher! Anyway I'm pretty sure that at some point itt Mordy or others recommended I give the shulchan aruch a go. I mentioned this to my Jew School rabbi his eyebrows knitted in a concerned manner and he said, haltingly, "I... don't actually suggest you embark on that. It's only laws!"

Anyway Jewish ethics is a main area of interest for me so I dunno what I should read.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Saturday, 24 December 2016 23:54 (three weeks ago) Permalink

i'm like 99% sure i never recommended you read the shulchan aruch! unless you were looking for a book of codified laws

Mordy, Saturday, 24 December 2016 23:57 (three weeks ago) Permalink

like generally shulchan aruch is what students becoming rabbis study to become proficient in laws related to kashrut and family purity - ie very technical material mostly. when you got to an orthodox rabbi with your discolored chicken (or... underwear?) and expect an expert opinion, rabbi is likely using shulchan aruch as source for their ruling. even if you did want to just learn laws there are better works for laypeople including the kitzur shulchan aruch which is an abridged shulchan aruch and probably more relevant the chofetz chaim's work the mishna berura.

Mordy, Saturday, 24 December 2016 23:59 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Yeah I went back and searched the thread and I have no idea where I got the shulchan aruch idea from!

I just gave myself a small coronary at the thought of going to this (or any other) rabbi with my underwear.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Sunday, 25 December 2016 00:04 (three weeks ago) Permalink

I wonder if the shulchan aruch addresses family purity for women like me who have evicted their uteruses (uteri?) from the premises.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Sunday, 25 December 2016 00:35 (three weeks ago) Permalink

not to be crude but afaik if you're menstruating it needs to be practiced and if you're not it's not (acc to the shulchan aruch making no normative judgements about what ritual practices people should or shouldn't incorporate into their personal lives)

Mordy, Sunday, 25 December 2016 00:40 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Nah nothing crude about it, but women who have have hysterectomies but kept ovaries and are pre-menopausal obv still have "periods" i.e. menstrual cycles, but no "period" in the "show undies to rabbi" sense. Saves trips to the mikveh I guess?

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Sunday, 25 December 2016 01:00 (three weeks ago) Permalink

afaik yes - it's all about the blood [or lack therefore]

Mordy, Sunday, 25 December 2016 01:13 (three weeks ago) Permalink

I've taken to telling people Hail Yule

slathered in cream and covered with stickers (silby), Sunday, 25 December 2016 16:11 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Anyway happy Chanukah!

slathered in cream and covered with stickers (silby), Sunday, 25 December 2016 16:12 (three weeks ago) Permalink

was listening to a podcast and someone told the story of Hershel and the Goblins. it was very cool!

Happy Hanukkah!

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Monday, 26 December 2016 02:49 (three weeks ago) Permalink


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