fuck the assholes who write copy for Groupon

getting kicked out of the sushi place when I ask if the vulcan love roll only has salmon skin

I think I've used this like twice in my life, but get so many emails. They seem to be really pushing these faintly scammy-looking lottery ticket broker websites recently

I dodged the bullet of becoming one of these titular assholes thanks to my famed lack of follow-through in the face of opportunity. Whew!