In the event of Rapture all other teams will be Left Behind: the 2015 St. Louis Cardinals

jaded winner

I fully expect to emerge from the wilderness to learn that the cardinals have lost the first two games of the NLDS, 6-1 and 3-0, with that Grichuk is starting in CF and has been kicking the ball back into the infield because he's not able to raise his arm above his shoulder

grizzled Lackey Game 1 Starter

i'm not sure it makes too much of a difference (as long as lackey/garcia are 1 or 2 and lynn/wacha are 3 or 4), but you would think they'd wait until after the game tonight to decide so they know who they're playing, which rotation alignment would match up best against either the cubs or pirates.

i wasn't too optimistic about this playoff run even a month ago, but when martinez went down i kind of lost all hope. it would so useful to have one more guy with the upside to completely dominate a game.

pshaw, one more guy. isn't cardinals devil magic equivalent to like 3 more guys

Perhaps this season is the Cardinals' New Jersey.

don't make light of our devil magic. this is a very difficult time of the year for cardinal fans. so many ritual sacrifices, preparing of the she-goat for evil ceremonies, smearing blood in upside-down cross formations all over forgotten cellars. it gets exhausting after a while.

but whatever it takes to get lance lynn through to the 5th inning with fewer than 4 walks and 95 pitches, somehow. it's worth it

http://cdn.patch.com/users/22068930/2014/06/T800x600/60ecf348a94290afd09ad1915df8e6a4.jpg

cardinals need to end their 4 year long world series drought so their poor fanbase can find solace

i think you are going to sleep ten years in your cabin and discover theyve been raptured

how about some good news

Impending free-agent Jason Heyward on possibly coming back to #STLCards: "This is definitely an ideal situation."

— Jenifer Langosch (@LangoschMLB) October 14, 2015

33 years ago today i became a willie mcgee fan 4 lyfe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gnEZ8NFI-E

plus two homers, nbd

can't wait until Grich hits 25 homers next year and we all reminisce about the time MM pinch hit Greg Garcia for him... in a playoff elimination game.

he started grichuk so he could get that great defense in CF from his broken arm, and then pinch hit with garcia. i've been suppressing all memories of the NLDS but that one does stick out. did anyone conduct the customary post-elimination "wtf were you thinking?" interview with Matheny this year?

St. Louis Cardinals ‏@Cardinals 18m18 minutes ago
Yadier Molina with have surgery on his thumb today. Will be without baseball activity for 8-12 weeks. Should be ready for Spring Training.

still couldn't bat him 8th without a thumb b/c *feelings*

i do remember Cosell intoning "wil-LIE muh-GEE."

alex reyes, 50-game suspension for w33d

mlb got no chill. bank some innings for him.

lance lynn had tommy john today, out for 2016

oof

#SIGNDAVIDPRICE

so that the cubs don't get him, also

i dont think he likes DA LORD enough

i was mostly joking (i'd rather they spend the money to get heyward) and the cardinals aren't too prone to panic signings. without lynn, the rotation would be something like:

wainwright
carlos martinez
jaime garcia
michael wacha
cooney/lyons for the first part of the year, then hopefully a bounceback marco gonzalez or even noted bob marley fan alex reyes later in the year

he's from tennessee; he'll get by xp

(but if they did end up getting price i have to admit i'd be pretty pumped, especially if they didn't sign him through his age-43 year or something)

speaking of bob marley fan alex reyes, apparently the remainder of the Arizona Fall League (10 games) counts towards his suspension, so at least it'll only be a 40 game suspension. still, awful timing, because the lynn thing would have made his path to the big leagues that much easier.

tbh i think reyes' suspension is almost a good thing. suspending someone from afl games is a joke; he'd have pitched like five more innings anyway. it keeps his innings total down for next year -- he's never thrown more than 109 in a season. so he skips the first six weeks, gets warmed up until after the super-two deadline, and is in good shape to help st. louis later in the season.

also it seems to have brought to light the difference in the way minor leaguers are treated for this stuff vs. big leaguers, which is probably good

i was mostly joking (i'd rather they spend the money to get heyward) and the cardinals aren't too prone to panic signings. without lynn, the rotation would be something like:

wainwright
carlos martinez
jaime garcia
michael wacha
cooney/lyons for the first part of the year, then hopefully a bounceback marco gonzalez or even noted bob marley fan alex reyes later in the year

― Karl Malone, Tuesday, November 10, 2015 4:42 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

damn no love for the lackeyman

i don't mind the ol' saltster but he's a free agent

if they could get him for 2 years he might be worth overpaying a little, but he'll likely get 3 years at 14 or 15 per year and that's a little too salty

rapture

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ca0pfqaUMAAYd_s.jpg

lol'd more at RS Nation tbh

https://twitter.com/vivaelbirdos/status/697783749333934081

Several international sources believe the Cardinals are preparing to exceed their upcoming international bonus pool, joining the Padres, Braves and Nationals as teams going over on July 2.

excellent

one of the prospects at spring training in florida is named Daniel Poncedeleon

That guy is in camp purely because of his name.

Want to start the new thread? I'd do it but I'm awful at coming up with punny thread titles

does anyone here actually like the cardinals tho

Doesn't everyone love the cardinals??

just The Way!

very tempted to start Hacking Ass: the 2016 St. Louis Cardinals Thread

commit

very tempted to start Hacking Ass: the 2016 St. Louis Cardinals Thread

that would be understandable in pretty much any year from 1908-2015, but given the likelihood of a total beatdown in 2016, the etymology of the thread title might begin to make me freak out around late summer

no way a Cubbie fan starts the thread unless we can name yours :[

Haters gonna hate
https://media.giphy.com/media/3o85xFLWq8XpFW84Rq/giphy.gif