itt blogs instruct you how to be a man

the modern man is boring as fuck

but is modern man just a man?

Q are we not modern

http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/Imagezz/pixyVelvetGlitter3_500h.jpg

I can't believe the Peter Pan page is still live.

Thing is, "chopper" is not even the right "wrong" word to use for a helicopter. Professionally, I am sometimes in contact with real military manly-men, who call them "helos." Ultimate manliness comes from knowing the specific type, of course - Blackhawk, Apache, Huey.

Calling a helo a chopper reveals you to be a wussy-ass pansy-boy who got his information about war and the military from watching MASH. Calling it a helicopter reveals you to be a prissy-ass nerd who gets his information from a dictionary.

I fail by all measures, as I can claim neither military manliness nor this weird funhouse-mirror NYT version of modern post-hipster menschiness.

(Although I do make sure everybody's electronic devices are charging before I go to bed. Guilty! If I don't, there will be a cranky 4-year-old up in my grill at 5 AM whining that he can't watch Bob the Builder or play Clumsy Ninja; then it becomes incumbent on me to be just as entertaining as the Internet. Which I am not.)

uh I learned about it from films and obviously in my life I often have occasion to yell GET TO THE CHOPPER

the one about pinned tweets, wtf. i have about 10 pinned tweets, does that make me a cave man?

http://i.imgur.com/40vyQGi.jpg

but shaving ruins the disguise

what if i can change a tire but prefer to have aaa do it for me? half a beard? goatee? standing in front of the mirror rn, razor in hand, looking for answers

i like how 3 of the 4 went with a unmanly beardo, but the fourth is just a guy eating a fish straight out of the river

You don't fall a tree, you fell a tree.

Man-lingo fail.

"your a chick in disguise"

can we just agree that every expression of modern masculinity is terrible and we should all be thrown into the ocean

Are there memes that are like, "If you look like this but don't know how to sew a dress or bake a casserole, SCRAPE THE MAKEUP OFF YOUR FACE & QUIT SHAVING YOUR LEGS, YOU PHONY"

not many, but that's because of the scourge of political correctness that is destroying this nation

If you eat raw fish straight from the river but can't change a tire, SHAVE

do they mean actually removing a tire from the rim, or just putting the spare on the car? pretty sure they mean the latter, which is changing the whole wheel and isn't that hard

psssssh

you need a specialized machine to actually change the tire

maybe YOU do

actually it's really a complete pain in the ass if you don't have one of those

the last time I had to help someone put on their spare I left the e-brake on like an idiot (had it on when jacking up the car since I was a little paranoid) and another dude came by and guessed that within a minute, how embarassing

Does changing bike tires count? I have a beard but it would be pointless for me to learn how to change tires to a car, since I don't even have a driver's license.

if you pass a woman on the roadway with a flat tire, it is your man duty to help her

by mansplaining the correct technique for changing a tire, while stroking your luxuriant beard

i learned how to change a tired not through any innate sense of masculinity but by being stranded and reading the car manual. it's pretty simple! you do get dirty though.

ive never had a flat tire tbh

feel like the real test of masculinity should be higher level plumbing or carpentry.

i learned how to change a tire by watching the christmas story every year

Real men will have already torn up their car manual to use as kindling.

imo the true test of masculinity is being man enough to call a plumber instead of saying "oh yeah, I've got this" 30 minutes before water is spraying all over

the only "I am now becoming a man" moment in my entire life was when my dad decided to teach me to shave because my sisters were complaining about my incipient teen 'stache.

if you have a full grown beard but can't learn a blatt gemara... SHAVE

feel like the real test of masculinity should be higher level plumbing or carpentry.

electrical too

can we just agree that every expression of modern masculinity is terrible and we should all be thrown into the ocean
― i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Tuesday, April 12, 2016 8:55 AM (44 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah but then all the men would compete to see who could hold their breath the longest while acting like it wasn't a big deal

omg lol

I like that the beard police meme tacitly accepts the idea of gender as purely performative, even hinting at a possible third gender for unbearded males

if you are a man who doesn't know how to shave tuomas, it's time to change your tires

the last time I had to help someone put on their spare I left the e-brake on like an idiot (had it on when jacking up the car since I was a little paranoid) and another dude came by and guessed that within a minute, how embarassing

― μpright mammal (mh), Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:10 (1 hour ago) Permalink

not trying to call you out but i've had my fair share of flats and i'm pretty sure standard procedure is to set your parking brake because it prevents the vehicle from rolling away once it is lifted

if there is one common mistake i've seen is a lot of people struggle to put the jack below the strongest part of the vehicle, the pinch flange

everything else is pretty straightforward

i'm pretty sure standard procedure is to set your parking brake because it prevents the vehicle from rolling away once it is lifted

i know this from terrifying first hand experience.

frankly i think the main thing separating those who can change a tire from those you cannot is that the former have gotten a flat in an area where help was not nearby.

I've changed a flat before but it never occurred to me that it was masculine. But then I'm on team throw-men-into-the-sea.

Like the whole point of a jack is to use mechanical advantage to make the car go up, it's basically cheating, if someone were to change a tire on their own without a jack and just hoisting the car into the air while also unscrewing the lug nuts I might give them credit for being the beard-meriting paragons of hot masculine sex they see themselves as.

back to the thread topic, though, people just dislike the alpha male, not necessarily a man who conforms to stereotypical masculinity

i was taught stereotypically masculine things because of my age and background (chivalry, how to wear a suit, do a tie, shoot guns, hunt/kill an animal, cook)

but i know a few men who were also taught the same things and it's their domineering, loud, impatient attitudes that make them less than amiable people, and i never want to interact with them, not if they have beards. it's this calling attention to yourself that is funny

i *patched* a tire once, felt very accomplished. this was in not-great weather, outside my apartment. at the time i had no beard. this is my contribution to the thread at this time.

or basically giving yourself more credit than you deserve

like you say silby, there is nothing inherently masculine about changing a tire

what if you change it with your penis

Trans women and nonbinary people can do that too.

i change my own tires and then eat the old tires

there's a repair shop in our town whose motto is "fixing transmissions is our trans mission"