itt blogs instruct you how to be a man

"men" are trash

Pretty much all of these things have in common the theme of clinging more tightly to what's left of the domain of *manhood* as it shrinks.

What the fuck is nodding up, are bros seriously going around showing the underside of their chin to dudes they know

"these things" meaning guy code type memes in general.

Just three straight guys watching porn together, jerkin' it. Straight as hell.

NOW TELL ME ABOUT THE URINAL RULES, GRANDPA!

#10 covers the urinal rules

Oh #9 actually, missed that.

The college weekly I wrote/edited for once got a *humor* submission that was basically a long riff on #9, with diagrams. We decided to publish it, but with an editorial addendum about how the staff was so excited by the article that we all immediately rushed into the mens room to try it out and see if it was true.

i remember a game circulating on graphics calculators around my high school that was basically a logic puzzle based on urinal rules

*graphing calculators

xxp was it the Rutg3rs R3v1ew???

lol yes

lots of death of bros here

grim stuff

We just sold drugs on our TI-82s.

what happens if your buddy dies while giving you a limp handshake during a threesome?

just put some porn on to make it less awkward for the 3 of you

well, 2 of you, at that point

does the playboy logo even mean anything to anyone in 2015

Ready to feel old? Millennials think this is some kind of app icon!

lol

what happens if your buddy dies while giving you a limp handshake during a threesome?

― too young for seapunk (Moodles), Thursday, 3 September 2015 16:12 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You get to keep the console.

You have to delete his saved games though

i more or less never use urinals
i will, under duress, piss in an alley or on a tree so i'm basically a hypocrite

(please observe the one tree buffer rule)

what the fuck even is this

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/02/fashion/mens-style/27-ways-to-be-a-modern-man.html

i almost posted that earlier, but i stopped because i couldn't even figure out what the fuck it even was

i couldn't tell if he was trying to mock the idea of modern man or if he believed in it or if he was trying to be silly or what

the modern man will totally waste his time on this shit

the modern man shrugs

nytimes trying to reach for that borowitz factor

well this one seems right

26. The modern man cries. He cries often.

the nytimes style section editors seem to have no oversight from other editorial areas, though

they're the same ones who ran the "will the apple watch give you cancer? maybe, but so do cigarettes and they are cool" article that cited Mercola

Being a modern man sounds exhausting.

pretty sure that's a joke but who fuckin knows anymore

The modern man is like a super butler mixed with, I don't know, an asshole or something.

6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.

Busted!

tbf, i should start doing that

amended:

1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. Because his spouse is right there with him. Who gets shoes without trying them on? Really? And he knows which brands run big or small. Because he used to work in a shoe shop, I guess.

"the market" => barf

http://i.imgur.com/eXy0yjy.jpg

tell me what's gauche, guy who calls a grocery store "the market" then tells me to wear Kenneth Cole shoes

was gonna say kenneth cole so f'n basic

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?

serving honeydew melon, uniform shape notwithstanding, is the not-knowing-your-spouse's-exact-shoe-specifications of the modern era. everyone but the most gauche of simpletons should know this

modern man's a baller putting melons on the boards

i want the author to explain this article. he seems to be an amalgamation of 3 or 4 different (modern, apparently) men with wildly different personalities

WHO ARE YOU, BRIAN LOMBARDI?!?!

http://static01.nyt.com/images/2015/10/02/fashion/02MODERNMAN/02MODERNMAN-master180.jpg

of DeKalb, Illinois, home base of the modern man

is that a single tear or a bead of sweat?