OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

yeesh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5EnGwXV_Pg

OK and also, we need two smoked beef links. Is there a type of bread we can get to go along with that? Let’s get a sandwich roll on the side.

paging vince staples to the 'a hot dog is' thread, sounds like he may have some valuable points to make

America’s the cause. Vince Staples is the effect.

Huh?

that wyman zep thing is so random and funny

why the hell did vulture belch out some old school rolling stone dude going "BAH!" 74 times

i hope they have him do another for sabbath: the ozzy years

Spin Lolla recap:

But if there was ever a valid reason to cram by an outdoor stage and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with a crowd of thousands (each enjoying various shades of sobriety), then it would be to watch an original Beatle sing “Blackbird” and “Hey Jude.”

An original Beatle.

none of these new-fangled Beatles for me, thank you

eh, caveman was alright

caveman singing in the dead of night

The art of the cover version is as much about re-animation as it is performance, raising the temperature of a stark original to an incandescence that was always lurking at its heart bringing dead songs back to life, which is certainly true of The Velvet Underground's 'Ride Into The Sun' and Brian Eno's 'Here Come The Warm Jets'. A low key invocation of the former blossoms into belligerent rock roar. Whispering, halting vocals dream and distil the music bays and protests in full fury, with a fierce rhino-hide guitar solo at its core. Wah wah pedal delirium and a brisk pace customise Eno's original into a repository of exposition and extension, pushing out the parameters into a hulking mass of guitar-oriented glory with an iron-hard carapace.

http://thequietus.com/articles/18286-bardo-pond-record-store-day-trilogy-review

a first-time effort surely

OK, the idea that cover versions of VU or Eno's tracks bring 'dead songs back to life' seems pretty misguided, but that's not the worst piece of music writing ever.

it's very overwritten but its point is clear enough I think

if ppl want to treat this thread as 'rolling music writing which annoyed me for one reason or another' however then so be it

it wouldn't even be the worst piece of music writing today https://archive.is/ZkPs3

that deserves to be itt, everything about it is bad

This dude is three years younger than me, but that's apparantly enough distance to where you would use the phrase "the elusive manic pixie dream girl type" without any self-awareness

i'm not gonna read all these, did any of the writers seal the deal?: http://noisey.vice.com/columns/first-dates

illusion never changed into something real

i guess the headline would change if someone found out that mac demarco was a patient, sensuous lover

30+ paragraphs by a self-professed "music writer," a (begrudging) half-sentence about his subject's music

forget it, croup, it's noiseytown

so it looks like most of these are just frothy q&as, wonder why this time they decided to bless us with the writer's internal monologue. maybe they were worried readers would assume they thought of her as more than just a 18-year-old spankbank entry?

because everyone can relate, man, we're all 18-to-34-year-old males

https://simpsonswiki.com/w/images/thumb/d/d7/Nuts_and_Gum.png/250px-Nuts_and_Gum.png

lol crut

because everyone can relate, man, we're all 18-to-34-year-old males

Only 3 of those articles were written by men.

yes and the rest are q&as, not first-person narratives, as i mentioned in the post the post you're quoting is referring to

The title of the article is also I Went On A Date With Everyone's Crush, Natalie Imbruglia. compare that to I Went on a Date with My High School Crush: Taking Back Sunday's Adam Lazzara or simply A First Date With... Sky Ferreira

though i wouldn't put it past noisey to follow this with a woman's hot'n'heavy I Tried To Fuck Brandon Boyd For All Of Us, though i bet incubus' music would get more than a half-sentence of acknowledgement in that

god that Imbruglia thing is next-level worthless

jeeeeesus. those aren't just embarrassing, they're offensive

not if I had anything to do with it it wouldn't xxp

prove me wrong, dj mencap. prove me wrong.

ugh. reading that made me want to put on more clothes

and lock my door

lol

http://www.out.com/positive-voices/2015/8/06/was-80s-new-wave-casualty-aids

Not even close to the worst piece of music writing ever, but this feels like such a missed opportunity on such a fascinating topic. I really would like to read a more thorough piece of writing on this that didn't feel so underdeveloped and end with an oh no you didn't joke about fisting.

<3 mark simpson

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/news/2015/aug/11/classical-one-text-message/#

"Debussy was the first composer up. His Danse sacree et danse profane is not Claire de lune or Prelude to the afternoon of a fawn. This is hard core impressionism and it’s not really easy listening even though there is a harp involved."

I found the linernotes to the Quicksilver Messenger Service live at the Kabuki theatre pretty risible. The writer decided that the short form was QSM in the first sentence and seems to have kept it consistent throughout the rest of the text. I didn't read right through it since it's a writer I tend to find pretty naff anyway.

*ctrl + f "high fidelity," finds nothing*

http://grantland.com/hollywood-prospectus/side-1-track-1-straight-outta-compton-and-the-best-first-songs-ever/

i dont necessarily hate steven hyden but it is like peak obliviousness to base an article around a 5-minute scene in a movie from 18 years ago - a scene ridiculing this sort of geekery - and not even credit it

He mentions "Championship Vinyl" at one point and links to the scene

That said, it's a dumb article and whatever fun it would be is ruined by too many arbitrary rules

Is it my limited understanding of English, or would Eazy 'cuckolding' someone's sister mean doing something Eazy would probably not do?

*facepalm* i don the idiot hat for missing the champ vinyl link xxp

remain irritated tho that all the non-rock inclusions read like, "uugggghhhhh i GUESS i'll put beyonce/young jeezy/daft punk in there" due to hyden's pedigree; i don't necessarily doubt that he listens to shit that isn't rock but i do think that left to his own devices he'd prob make a fairly homogenous list that was almost entirely boomer rock plus maybe some metal and 90s indie-slacker shit

what about the bitch that got shot, cuck her

that reads like a fantasy football article and/or bill simmons 2.0

ie *shoots self in face*

lists lists lists ugh