OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

^not as good as ned's fbook feed

i thought ned was just moonlighting

After we broke up, I started record- ing new songs on my own. Filtering them through Crass, the Oblivians, and classic guitar riff-rock like Ted Nugent’s ‘Cat Scratch Fever’ and Foreigner’s ‘Juke Box Hero,’ they took on a similar feel to what I was after.

based on that description I'd prolly give this a shot

It's the one coherent bit in the whole feed. (And no, not my tumblr -- but it IS a friend of an ILXor.)

http://www.vulture.com/2015/07/all-74-led-zeppelin-songs-ranked.html

i no doubt committed some of the same sins as a callow young rockwriter but holy shit, this just may be the worst piece of music writing ever. led zep song by song with more ad hominem attacks, sneering self-righteous moral judgements, cloth-eared musical analysis, wooden prose, unsupported assertions and just plain rong opinions. sure "counterintuitive" arguments are a big part of the clickbait strategy these days but a lot of this just feels contrary and calculated. written like a stunted clone of christgau & derogatis. ugh.

Looks like the Stones get off tour and dude has too much time on his hands

Off topic slightly, but "Hots On For Nowhere" (#72 out of 74) is one of the few Led Zeppelin songs I actively like. Meanwhile, "Hot Dog" is #28. Was this randomly generated?

uh, as I'm sure that both Whiney and MC know, that guy has been around forever and does seem to be possessed of particular variety of midwestern, Dero-reminiscent smug jackassery, but he hacks it out more baldfaced-ly than dero. It takes a lot for me to side with albini, who reps a a lot of midwestern quasi-puritanism himself, but his putdown of Wyman was really funny.

whiney: do you like Jidenna "Classic Man"? do you like "whip/nae nae""?

on first glance I didn't think the Zep list was that terrible other than the remarks about Bonham (who cares) and Plant's lyrics (deserved but who cares).

Love "Classic Man"

Whip/Nae Nae just seems like kind of a formless jumble of existing dances. Weirdly generic compared to even like "Chicken Noodle Soup"

Do the keyword, do the hashtag

now drop and do the google trend

i love watch me! it's a fun dumb song and it's perfectly calibrated and a good throwback to mashed potato / shangalang / camelwalk type shout-em-out-and-do-em songs.
i predict a long and fruitful career for the singer j/k that is the most one hit wonder i have ever heard

eh i took the bait on the zep thing. it happens. otherwise we're cool for the summer.

This SPIN "cover story" is really something else:

http://www.spin.com/featured/vince-staples-summertime-06-interview-cover-story/

dog bites man girlfriend

I keep getting up from the table to call my girlfriend, who is, understandably, pissed at the dog for biting her, and pissed at me for not being with her. Staples, who is in person as genial as he is pragmatic and frank on record, offers to reschedule. He gets it. “Dogs try you, bro,” Staples offers. “Maybe your dog had a bad day.”

Lydia Davis level

nu-SPIN has this weird SJW slant in everything they cover (ie, the quasi-paedo pandering in teenpop writing, calling out Shamir for fat-shaming) but then is like totally tone-deaf when it comes to running racist reviews by stalkers or this "can't my girlfriend respect that a man is working" rant

no way i'm progressing beyond that byline

Gah, this is all your fault Klosterman.

It’s tempting to read too deep into this story, twist it into some hackneyed metaphor for how Staples sees no such thing as absolute good or absolute bad in the world. And from what I can tell, both from music and in conversation, he definitely does sort of believe those things. But he’s not trying to make a greater statement about the world here, he’s just trying to help me out. (Both the dog and my girlfriend are fine, by the way.)

that is a shall we say interesting way to put a hook on that interview

finally a longread from the ryan schreiber of millenial rap writing

Actually if you cut that pointless, alienating "cool story bro" first section the rest of the profile's OK.

Actually if you cut that pointless, alienating "cool story bro" first section the rest of the profile's OK.

― A swarm of antipathy (Re-Make/Re-Model), Friday, July 31, 2015 11:44 AM (1 second ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

When it’s time to order our food, Staples orders like a quarterback calling a play. “We’re going chicken sandwich, cole slaw on the side, right?” he begins. “And I want the mac and cheese served as the side. OK and also, we need two smoked beef links. Is there a type of bread we can get to go along with that? Let’s get a sandwich roll on the side. What is buttermilk pie? We’ll talk about that in a minute. It sounds live.”

summertime '14

lol

we'll talk about that in a minute

Actually if you cut that pointless, alienating "cool story bro" first section the rest of the profile's OK.
― A swarm of antipathy (Re-Make/Re-Model), Friday, July 31, 2015 11:44 AM (1 second ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

He’s only 21, but to borrow a phrase from Mobb Deep’s Prodigy, his mind is old.

xp Why is that so terrible? It tells you something about how Staples talks and behaves. I don't love this guy's writing, I'm not going to print this piece out and frame it, but the intro's so noxious that I was pleasantly surprised to find the rest was solid.

This is when print can be better for you than online. The intro would have been cut for space reasons in a heartbeat. Editors who save you from yourself are also helpful.

OK, I'm dialling back that faint praise after reading "his body is a repository of small, inconsequential motions that add up to a flurry of activity."

yeesh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5EnGwXV_Pg

OK and also, we need two smoked beef links. Is there a type of bread we can get to go along with that? Let’s get a sandwich roll on the side.

paging vince staples to the 'a hot dog is' thread, sounds like he may have some valuable points to make

America’s the cause. Vince Staples is the effect.

Huh?

that wyman zep thing is so random and funny

why the hell did vulture belch out some old school rolling stone dude going "BAH!" 74 times

i hope they have him do another for sabbath: the ozzy years

Spin Lolla recap:

But if there was ever a valid reason to cram by an outdoor stage and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with a crowd of thousands (each enjoying various shades of sobriety), then it would be to watch an original Beatle sing “Blackbird” and “Hey Jude.”

An original Beatle.

none of these new-fangled Beatles for me, thank you

eh, caveman was alright

caveman singing in the dead of night

The art of the cover version is as much about re-animation as it is performance, raising the temperature of a stark original to an incandescence that was always lurking at its heart bringing dead songs back to life, which is certainly true of The Velvet Underground's 'Ride Into The Sun' and Brian Eno's 'Here Come The Warm Jets'. A low key invocation of the former blossoms into belligerent rock roar. Whispering, halting vocals dream and distil the music bays and protests in full fury, with a fierce rhino-hide guitar solo at its core. Wah wah pedal delirium and a brisk pace customise Eno's original into a repository of exposition and extension, pushing out the parameters into a hulking mass of guitar-oriented glory with an iron-hard carapace.

http://thequietus.com/articles/18286-bardo-pond-record-store-day-trilogy-review

a first-time effort surely

OK, the idea that cover versions of VU or Eno's tracks bring 'dead songs back to life' seems pretty misguided, but that's not the worst piece of music writing ever.

it's very overwritten but its point is clear enough I think

if ppl want to treat this thread as 'rolling music writing which annoyed me for one reason or another' however then so be it

it wouldn't even be the worst piece of music writing today https://archive.is/ZkPs3

that deserves to be itt, everything about it is bad

This dude is three years younger than me, but that's apparantly enough distance to where you would use the phrase "the elusive manic pixie dream girl type" without any self-awareness

i'm not gonna read all these, did any of the writers seal the deal?: http://noisey.vice.com/columns/first-dates

illusion never changed into something real

i guess the headline would change if someone found out that mac demarco was a patient, sensuous lover