I love this so much.
http://www.theonion.com/article/owner-tearfully-releases-american-pharoah-after-tr-50605
― pplains, Tuesday, 9 June 2015 15:44 (eight years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/article/experts-say-best-option-now-keeping-nation-comfort-50617
― nickn, Wednesday, 10 June 2015 03:24 (eight years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/article/new-law-determines-bullets-no-longer-responsibilit-50623
― Jim Gillette's unused octave (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Wednesday, 10 June 2015 20:17 (eight years ago) link
Relate to this so hard
http://www.theonion.com/article/man-forced-come-45-seconds-facial-expressions-whil-50650
― Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 12 June 2015 17:42 (eight years ago) link
definitely not where i saw that headline going
― Doctor Casino, Friday, 12 June 2015 22:22 (eight years ago) link
the URL i mean
http://www.theonion.com/article/serial-killer-admits-hes-lost-track-pattern-he-was-50705
― e-bouquet (mattresslessness), Wednesday, 24 June 2015 04:07 (eight years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/article/long-john-silvers-introduces-new-golden-fried-abom-50894
― example (crüt), Thursday, 23 July 2015 12:25 (eight years ago) link
lmao
http://www.onionstudios.com/videos/beyond-the-brink-how-the-israeli-occupation-has-made-it-impossible-for-palestinians-to-score-drugs-3070
― global tetrahedron, Monday, 3 August 2015 17:11 (eight years ago) link
i just lol'd hard at: Dancing 7-Year-Old Looks To Expand Fan Base From Parents To Parents' Friends https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/629256884495593472
― Roberto Spiralli, Thursday, 6 August 2015 11:48 (eight years ago) link
Holy shit:
New SeaWorld Show Just Elephant Drowning IN Large Tank Of Water With No Explanation
http://www.theonion.com/article/new-seaworld-show-just-elephant-drowning-large-tan-51139
― the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Friday, 21 August 2015 15:28 (eight years ago) link
That last line...
― not a garbageman, i am garbage, man (m bison), Friday, 21 August 2015 16:24 (eight years ago) link
https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/634803513139286020
― usic ally (k3vin k.), Friday, 21 August 2015 19:17 (eight years ago) link
that's a new classic
― where the sterls have no name (s.clover), Friday, 21 August 2015 20:24 (eight years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/article/isis-operatives-destroy-hofner-bass-guitar-signed--51189?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default
ILM will get a kick out of this.
― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 28 August 2015 18:59 (eight years ago) link
Ha, just came here to post that. Brilliant, though it's hard to pinpoint just how.
― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 31 August 2015 19:13 (eight years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/article/nasa-deploys-congressional-rover-search-funding-51231?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Pic:1:Default
― Οὖτις, Wednesday, 2 September 2015 19:56 (eight years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/article/new-subway-promotion-to-honor-subtember-11-33768?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Pic:NA:InFocus
*laughs nervously*
― usic ally (k3vin k.), Wednesday, 9 September 2015 18:27 (eight years ago) link
https://scontent-hkg3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/12009638_10104599970678693_4412498355279813165_n.jpg
― écorché (S-), Monday, 14 September 2015 08:37 (eight years ago) link
http://images1.browardpalmbeach.com/imager/via-twitter/u/original/6459080/marriott_911.jpg
?
― écorché (S-), Monday, 14 September 2015 08:38 (eight years ago) link
^ shit that looks like an onion article but isn't
― pplains, Monday, 14 September 2015 13:32 (eight years ago) link
these two are LOL
http://www.theonion.com/article/ethical-hunter-throws-duck-he-shot-back-sky-51355?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Pic:1:Default
http://www.theonion.com/graphic/trees-planted-poor-neighborhood-mature-just-time-g-51281
― my cheeriness amazes me (rip van wanko), Monday, 21 September 2015 20:35 (eight years ago) link
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
― silverfish, Friday, 2 October 2015 13:29 (eight years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/article/obama-follows-white-stallion-moonlit-rose-garden-51554
― Neil S, Friday, 16 October 2015 12:19 (eight years ago) link
The best thing about the "No Way To Prevent This" article is that they seem to be re-posting it nearly verbatim, with just the locations changed, when a new mass shooting happens.
http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-36131
http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-prevent-says-only-nation-where-regularly-ha-51443
― Dan I., Monday, 2 November 2015 00:32 (eight years ago) link
Published on my birthday: http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/shit-i-was-supposed-have-learned-something-having--51778
― pplains, Thursday, 5 November 2015 01:34 (eight years ago) link
Onion-esque sites not run by the Onion are usually terrible, but I sometimes find The Hard Times to be pretty good:http://thehardtimes.net/2015/11/19/west-oakland-punks-hold-vegan-bake-sale-end-gentrification/
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Saturday, 21 November 2015 04:41 (eight years ago) link
"Am i missing how a bake sale help ends gentrification?"
― koogs, Saturday, 21 November 2015 16:16 (eight years ago) link
The Hard Times has some great ones. A recent one I'm partial to is Punk Dad Prefers Son's Earlier Stuff.
― JRN, Saturday, 21 November 2015 18:06 (eight years ago) link
http://thehardtimes.net/2015/11/23/mans-tattoo-a-constant-reminder-of-time-of-time-he-stabbed-panther-in-face/
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Tuesday, 24 November 2015 04:18 (eight years ago) link
i'm still non-onion onions but the hard times has definitely made me laugh
http://thehardtimes.net/2015/05/06/mid-twenties-hardcore-fan-enters-liking-hockey-phase/
― balls, Tuesday, 24 November 2015 22:48 (eight years ago) link
Oh man that punk dad one - I saw the pic and thought "that's not Eugene!" as I was right near the spot where that was taken in Spokane yesterday (with my son, whose earlier, colic-influence work I definitely do not prefer):
http://i0.wp.com/thehardtimes.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/poppy.jpghttp://i.imgur.com/YIbnDja.jpg
― joygoat, Tuesday, 24 November 2015 23:26 (eight years ago) link
Colic is the noise of children.
― nickn, Tuesday, 24 November 2015 23:32 (eight years ago) link
if we're allowed to do hard times articles, this one started out slow but had a few great moments halfway in:
http://thehardtimes.net/2015/11/20/mixed-bill-show-creates-opportunity-new-people-meet-share-ideas-fist-fight/
― big WHOIS aka the nameserver (s.clover), Thursday, 26 November 2015 18:57 (eight years ago) link
ska jokes may be a low form of humor, but they work
― big WHOIS aka the nameserver (s.clover), Thursday, 26 November 2015 18:58 (eight years ago) link
yeah i think it's gonna take a LOT of ska jokes for me not to find ska jokes funny
― balls, Thursday, 26 November 2015 21:18 (eight years ago) link
They need to pick it up
― joygoat, Friday, 27 November 2015 02:00 (eight years ago) link
lol
― goole, Monday, 30 November 2015 18:20 (eight years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/article/frustrated-gunman-cant-believe-how-far-he-has-driv-51923
― mookieproof, Monday, 30 November 2015 21:58 (eight years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/article/reince-priebus-forced-back-into-ancient-puzzle-box-29803
― The Male Gaz Coombes (Neil S), Friday, 15 January 2016 14:53 (eight years ago) link
The fuck ... ?
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/20/business/media/univision-buying-large-stake-in-the-onion.html
― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 19 January 2016 16:41 (eight years ago) link
I hope the Onion homepage has a keypad and "PRESS ONE FOR ENGLISH" on it for a week
― we salute you, our half-inflated dark lord (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Monday, 8 February 2016 19:16 (eight years ago) link
https://twitter.com/the_intercept/status/699700005628674053 hmmmmmm
― lazy rascals, spending their substance, and more, in riotous living (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, 16 February 2016 22:14 (eight years ago) link
well it is pretty weak
― Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 16 February 2016 22:30 (eight years ago) link
Feels like there have been a bit too many of these kind of things lately:
http://www.theonion.com/graphic/top-advantages-ditching-cable-52372
I get that they have to make money and it feels weird to complain about the journalistic objectivity of the onion, but still
― silverfish, Wednesday, 17 February 2016 15:06 (eight years ago) link
dying: http://www.theonion.com/article/noam-chomsky-announces-las-vegas-residency-52508
― i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Thursday, 10 March 2016 20:09 (eight years ago) link
ok i lol'd @ “I’m so excited—I’ve been into Chomsky since college,” said 49-year-old Boise, ID social worker Karen Wenning
― Mordy, Thursday, 10 March 2016 20:12 (eight years ago) link
Wow:
Drone Places Fresh Kill On Steps Of White House
― the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Thursday, 10 March 2016 20:18 (eight years ago) link
i guess Hil's big donor hasn't trussed em up yet
http://www.theonion.com/article/clinton-throws-flash-grenade-divert-attention-ques-52499
― we can be heroes just for about 3.6 seconds (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 10 March 2016 21:24 (eight years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/graphic/i-would-die-2-know-52896
― ejemplo (crüt), Monday, 9 May 2016 19:29 (seven years ago) link