2009 ILE poetry CONTEST giggity goo!

do you ever think about the waves
and how they just keep on coming
and coming and coming and coming
and waving to the shore WORDPLAY!!!

an ode to l0u1s jagg3r

doubly wrong

I do things in a big way.

ABOOTT'S EPITATH

a poem
by
ABBOTT

I'm addicted to scratch lotto, I hope you don't mind.
My dog llikes to fart while the family dines.
If you could take my dirty uncle to the laundromat tomorrow:
That would be just fine.

Also how do you measure # of lines if line breaks "don't count"?

Channelling Rik from The Young Ones for my entry:

Pork pies.
Pork PIES,
You are full of LIES!
Your pastry covered meat
is the result of mistreat-
ment of swine!

But have you thought about
how your
petite bourgouis
food funds facists
and dictators?
Far worse than
potatos.

So next time you at
the supermarket.
Have a think
about it.
And stop buying
PIES that are full
of LIES!

captain lorax why did you 100% disqualify haikus from this contest?

captain lorax, can you bring the closing date forward? may 1 is too long imo

kind of want to do this but I am less concerned about my poetry being too personal and more about it being really shitty

I'm concerned that my poetry will just sound like GBV lyrics, or more likely I will realise that they are GBV lyrics at a later date. I won't give back the prize though.

maybe I'll just submit this poem I made out of facebook sidebar ads:

Live the life you want and make your dreams come true.

How does this sound
Have you ever visited our website?

Help us stop the flood and save America!

Generate unlimited wealth

The Most Addictive Game
Warning: this game is addictive!

Own Your Home No Mortgage

58% of Americans get this wrong. Can you get it right?

You won't go broke again.

Even red ring of dead can be fixed.

We can make that happen!

Elderly Living Alone?

It has been over 50 years

What is missing?
Think you know? Are you sure?

The results will shock you!

A bundle of marvelous things, including good health and the hope for better communication.

:D

im gonna write about wind

― CaptainLorax, Sunday, March 29, 2009 8:43 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

<3 <3 <3

Here is a poem I wrote in October of last year, I'm not even gonna look at it before posting or I'll get stomach acid going on. Here it is:

INSECTS AND YOU

Have you ever seen an insect?
You probably have eyes
and they probably work
and you probably look at things
so you've probably seen an insect.

Have you ever eaten an insect?
You are probably in an English-speaking country
and you're probably revolted by touching an insect let alone eating one
so you've probably never eaten an insect
unless you went to a foreign country where they eat insects
and they asked you to eat one and you were too polite to say no
or it was a dare and you didn't want to chicken out.

Have you ever heard an insect?
You've probably heard a fly or mosquito when it's close to you
(I think flies and mosquitoes live everywhere in the world)
and maybe you've heard an insect of the order Orthoptera, like a grasshopper or cricket or cicada
and maybe you've heard one of those screaming moths – I hope you haven't –
so you've probably heard an insect.

Have you ever killed an insect?
You probably have,
and I bet you've killed spiders too.
It's not my place to editorialize here.

abbott u rock

captain lorax why did you 100% disqualify haikus from this contest?
― goaty (harbl), Monday, 30 March 2009 16:15 (3 hours ago)

someone figured it out

That doesn't include line breaks.
----------------------
that means (to me the rulemaker)

blank lines
don't

count
----------------------
total = 4 lines

wowowow Abbott

Presumably, a set of two or more linked haiku would be fine and dandy.

i'm gonna write about breaking wind

knock yourself out

Here you go, cap'n:

Love in a Time of Everything

I love everything, it's true,
but I struggle with
certain demands it places
on my weakest struts. For example,

I love the buckskin reek
of the flayed hide
nailed to the barn door,
a little, perhaps,

by not rejecting the
raw sequence of ownership
imposed roughly, but rectified
by the logic of use and need.

But too much of what's to love is recondite
in this sad way, or more so.
The melon is quite easily loved
with a knife and a spoon,

but what of leeches, flies who,
spoonless, eat the melon
of our flesh and red juices?
Love shies and shudders at the thought.

Yet I love everything. I do! I do!
And you must imagine this to be the truth,
if we are meant to get anywhere together.
I think I manage it very sweetly, at times,

Persuading my mind to the abstruse art
of watching the insides of stones,
or curling and uncurling my toes
employing nothing but thin air.

Now, love, this is the part
where you come in.
Quick! Give me a stick to whittle,
for I have immortal longings in me.

I am the thread killer, par excellance.

In that case, maybe I should go for the whole hog.

Bump bump bump

Bumpity

Bump bump bump

Bumpity

Bump bump

So sayeth the Lord…

Googly goo

Googly gee

Googly gaga

Googly me!

Said the minstrel to the friar….

Freeky fro

Freekly free

Bump bump

Skiddly dee

The word was made flesh

Flesh as in clay

Clay as in Aiken

Achin' breakin' heart

Dart, shopping cart, K-Mart

***

here are two cats sleeping on a pair of thrift shop sofas
but the similarities end where their white bellies do.
separate parents entirely, even the paw pads are distinct.

examining a group of individuals
--though it's most evident in youngsters
and some other wild mammals--
a certain degree of organization can be seen.
but when the group breaks down

***

the moment of silence is over,
although the flags remain at half-mast
having been there for what seems like forever
they are learning, without encouragement,
to dance a little in the stronger breezes.
still, as we continue,
let us be appropriately solemn.

if you turn your head to one side
and are a cow standing in the field behind my girlfriend’s house
you will see exactly what I mean:
it is in the workings of the street,
and all the people who come and go along it.
now turn the other way, and I am there,
I am waving.

I won't post my poem till I'm in my right mind

ilx when will you be angelic?

elmo where you at

you need to be in dis ting

Still waiting for Edward to regain his right mind... (taps foot, drums fingers, fidgets, goes to refrigerator and opens door to stare inside, closes refrigerator door)... aw, fuck it... (absents himself)

i am on this, perhaps today or at least this coming week

YES

Yes?

i haven't neglected this. not ready yet. soon?

we suggban'd contest administrator

still wanna see yr pome, elmo

I can't go on, I'll go on

These here are pomes, young fella:

http://visual.merriam-webster.com/images/food-kitchen/food/fruits/pome-fruits.jpg

T'ain't no how like what you was thinking of, I reckon.

This is a couple years old, and I may not write anything new for the Giggity Goo 2009 contest, but in answer to well-intentioned goading:

"A Girl In Four Movements"

I.
in the darkness of the bar
she smirks and exhales
it occurs to me that
her smiles are crooked and smoky,
like chairs around the table
after poker night

II.
as she leans forward to
take a sip from her straw,
a strand of hair falls in front
of her face. she moves to
brush it away, but then
sees the expression on my face
and decides to let it stay

III.
while we're dancing
she pivots her foot just slightly
and spins on her toes
the white polka dots
on her red dress swirl and
blur together.
i get wonderfully dizzy

IV.
as i'm walking her home
she tilts her head back
and laughs. her mouth
opens wide and she
echoes

wau

a hoos posting poetry is like hailey's comet, ppl

isn't beth parker back? she should be up in here too.

silly rabbit, pomes are fruity fresh flesh, not fresh fleshy fruits

omg HOOS you manned up (and how!)

Isn't a plum properly a drupe?

I may try this thing.

Wow Beth, you're still on ILE!? Thought you'd left for good, glad to see that isn't so! Couldn't resist the lure of a poetry contest ey? :)

I post about twice a year. I'm like the Halley's Comet of ILE.

or the 17-year locust.

Beth Parker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you.

Also when I saw this thread the first thing I thought is 'damn why is not Ms. Parker around?'

!!!!!!!! (basking) !!!!!!!!!! (returning the love) !!!!!!!!!!

when's the deadline for this? because if there is still a couple of days maybe i could try to write something more than the bullshit 1 minute piece of toss upthread.

new deadline of sunday may 9 has been requested + granted

I'm thinking this window should be open to new entrants only tho?

if we extend deadlines on the basis that ppl want more time to up their game then this thing will never end - what do y'all think?

btw I like yr poem a hoy hoy - there's tossed off and sloppy vs. tossed off and stylish (a la o'hara) and I saw yrs as falling in the latter category fwiw

ha ty.

fair enough on it only being for new entrants.

What about for entirely new poems by people who have already entered but aren't entirely happy with their poem(s)?

anyone who is happy with their poems should be taken out and whipped imo

taken out and whipped

after reading, remove the culprit
he is to be taken out and whipped
he dared to sully our sacred pulpit
he failed to wow us with his wit

fwiw i choose from those two "the guerrilla projects poetic", but if i've written something i'm genuinely happy with by this time tomorrow, then i'll submit that instead. neither of my recent submissions are remotely among my best work, but i'm determined not to rest on past laurels for this one. plus, most of my best stuff is k-long :-/

basically even i'm admitting my submitted shit doesn't hold much of a candle to the best stuff posted here so i'd better sharpen up pronto tbh

oh well a girl in four movements is the better of the two but it isn't fresh so i'm obligated to go with the other

hang on "sunday may 9" waht

ok, if it's allowed, i would like to substitute in the following poem which i wrote just now

self-deprecation is a brutal art

being taken out and whipped
intrusions extracted

a scenario where being taken out and whipped is an adventure

to be tortured
parallels with a peculiar effete stoicism, ravaged

shards of pain but they are ornate and decorative

human construct as effigy
all the while, natural systems exhume old warnings

the act of self-deprecation is a solid state, immobile

crimp the face into caricature
undulations of crowd dispersal, permit solitude

fleeing an English cortex
morbid and mild

divining for water with elm twig and uncrossed palm

water divination as the exhumation of weakness in self
stately bathe as if in deer’s blood at royal appointment

beneath a photon shower of punishment
unhappy in shafts

the new propulsions whittle off the bark and prepare
this poor, forked animal
for psychophysical inclination

bent double over passed water

given only force food
gelatinous hurled vertical
bodymass

unwanted
annex to a sidecar
two spare wheels banished

yips:

reconcile dying parasites to the host’s lover
winkle-picked on the table like metal teeth
meet my friends dear

sun may 9 2010

you have a year to step up yr game

Seriously? Don't do that to me.

kidding is occurring

Gullible is written on the ceiling.

the official submission period has ended

unless an act of fortuitous appeal transpires, here are the final competition entries:

01) "do you ever think about the waves" by G00blar
02) "Pork pies" by snoball
03) "INSECTS AND YOU" by Abbott
04) "Love in a Time of Everything" by Aimless
05) "Bump bump bump" by latebloomer
06) "here are two cats sleeping on a pair of thrift shop sofas" by ian
07) "the moment of silence is over" by bernard snowy
08) "A Girl In Four Movements" by big HOOS aka the steendriver
09) "Paul Was Saul Until He Was Blinded" by Edward III
10) "denver airport advice to a member of the passeridae" by the table is the table
11) "Of all the things I've posted " by M.V.
12) "MY POEM TITLED TUESDYAS" by uh oh I'm having a fantasy
13) "boring job" by rent
14) "April Has The Cruelest Poems" by Beth Parker
15) "TUGJBHHINGS III CAN MN SMELL;" by Abbott's dog
16) "1 Minute of Decadence" by a hoy hoy
17) "We Staggered Like Bonsai" by rogermexico
18) "(emotions)" by Trayce
19) "yeah for rotational symmetry!" by country matters
20) "On Inducing Retinal Hallucination During Mass" by elmo argonaut
21) "Dutch Schultz, duh" by jaymc
22) "I went to the Donuts a-Dunkin" by EZ Snappin
23) "Spandrels" by later arpeggiator
24) "taken out and whipped" by darraghmac

to be swiftly followed by brief notes on selection rationale

i appeal

bernard snowy did not make clear his selection, however I felt that facebook sidebar ads were not the way he would wish to secure his place in history, so I chose "the moment of silence is over"

hoos, I have chosen counter to your expressed wishes, but only because I felt your nominating note smacked of self-sabotaging motivations... so if you will allow me to save you from yourself, I have selected "A Girl In Four Movements"... please forgive me this violation of sacred administrator oath to honor the wishes of the artiste.... however if the texan doth protest I will reverse this fiat

lj, as is your wont you have said three things when one would suffice, and my selection of "yeah for rotational symmetry!" is based on a) best title, b) the expressed opinion of ms beth parker, which is not to be sneezed at, and c) your 3rd poem violates the deadline extension guidelines and as such will have to be reserved for other, less august competitions

I will be constructing the poll forthwith pending a sensible period of appeal and de rigueur ILX haranguing debate

thank u gladiators, and good luck

I will be constructing the poll forthwith pending a sensible period of appeal

"Who is the most appealing?" is a separate poll.

having just deleted quite a lot of text from the "add a post" box, i retract my appeal

An lonely inquisitive stroll down lover's lane

I really wanted to write a great poem
Before the deadline was due
I ended up procrastinating
Or maybe I just struggled a lot and came up with nothing good.

I never had a god but I sure wish I did
He would help me achieve simple goals
So that I could be the man I want to be
And I could do the things I want to do.

Alas, that's not going to happen.
So I should be happy with what I am.
233 lbs of weak, pathetic, realistic,
generally optimistic, fat and bones.

Some people think I'm a barrel of laughs
They think I'm a great funny guy
So maybe I should end this (uhh) poem optimistically
and admit that I like myself the way I am.

I like myself the way I am.
(This poem isn't very good though)

I should have wrote that the poem about a possibly suicidal jump at lover's leap
but I never got past the title
And if you like this poem then FUCK YOU.
And FUCK ME too. I wouldn't mind being fucked.

THE END

DQ'd for not being about wind imo

unless it is about wind and i am being dense

hold on, I need the mods to edit a line

2009 ILE poetry CONTEST giggity goo!

'I should have wrote that the poem about a possibly suicidal jump at lover's leap'

to

'I should have wrote out the poem idea about a possible suicidal jump at lover's leap'

(i've been barred from moderator request forum for some reason)

I'm serious about that entry btw. and it's still Sunday

fyi i am genuinely saddened that my best poem won't be represented here, and that my late-night gouging of inspiration has come to a temporary nought, but i accept that it was created via a slightly dishonest opportunism, and that sans extension i'd have been forced to choose between the two i originally submitted anyway, in which case beth is OTM, and the non-hypocritical choice would indeed be "yeah", being as it was written with this competition in mind, unlike the other. plus, it's not about the winning, it's about the taking pot-shots at everybody when their poem does better than mine ;-)

here is something (lame) I was playing around with yesterday but it had so many annoying rhymes
the blanks are where I was stuck

-----------------------------------------
I took a jump at lover’s leap
Because I’m suicidal, suicidal
I hooked a broad in her back seat
Because I’m homicidal, homicidal

I went to church and kissed Christ’s feet
He was my dying idol, prying my soul
Confessed sin______________________defeat
He was_______________________________

eeh not that it matters or anything, but in no way was mine an entry.

how about this?

I went to church and kissed Christ’s feet
He was my dying idol, prying my soul
I confessed my sin, the agony of defeat
Nonetheless impressed by my own folderol

we will all speak thus when abbott's dog lords its supremacy over us

I guess it is still sunday for a while? will my preemptive call of deadline shake the final hesitants from the brush?

I guess the internal conflict of "Sunday the 9th" should be resolved by erring towards sunday

hoos, I have chosen counter to your expressed wishes

no worries

it's for the best iirc

U DO

lol sry for caps

really there's no need to yell

Edward III, I don't mind you trying to help me with that poem at all (anyone can try if they want) but somehow I wanted the last two lines to incorporate why I lost faith in Jesus (and/or self-deprecation) in a format like this:

(I went)_____________________(feet)
He was_______(my soul),_____(idol)

*filling in rhymes for the stuff I put in parentheses

Obviously you wouldn't have known that's how I planned on finishing that part of the poem (especially since I left misleading notes in the original poem I copy pasted above).

"help"

actually if you left it like this

(I went)_____________________(feet)
He was_______(my soul),_____(idol)

you could play the experimental card and stroke yr beard mysteriously

it is not sunday anywhere anymore and here are your final contestigants

01) "do you ever think about the waves" by G00blar
02) "Pork pies" by snoball
03) "INSECTS AND YOU" by Abbott
04) "Love in a Time of Everything" by Aimless
05) "Bump bump bump" by latebloomer
06) "here are two cats sleeping on a pair of thrift shop sofas" by ian
07) "the moment of silence is over" by bernard snowy
08) "A Girl In Four Movements" by big HOOS aka the steendriver
09) "Paul Was Saul Until He Was Blinded" by Edward III
10) "denver airport advice to a member of the passeridae" by the table is the table
11) "Of all the things I've posted " by M.V.
12) "MY POEM TITLED TUESDYAS" by uh oh I'm having a fantasy
13) "boring job" by rent
14) "April Has The Cruelest Poems" by Beth Parker
15) "TUGJBHHINGS III CAN MN SMELL;" by Abbott's dog
16) "1 Minute of Decadence" by a hoy hoy
17) "We Staggered Like Bonsai" by rogermexico
18) "(emotions)" by Trayce
19) "yeah for rotational symmetry!" by country matters
20) "On Inducing Retinal Hallucination During Mass" by elmo argonaut
21) "Dutch Schultz, duh" by jaymc
22) "I went to the Donuts a-Dunkin" by EZ Snappin
23) "Spandrels" by later arpeggiator
24) "taken out and whipped" by darraghmac
25) "An lonely inquisitive stroll down lover's lane" by Mulvaney

I dread that I was too late to participate :'(

Will poll though.

Launch a write-in campaign.