live audience: Is there any other kind of audience? Rows of corpses? When a writer says: ‘Kylie performed in front of a live audience’, it should be: ‘Kylie performed live in front of an audience’. This holds good for recorded performances with an audience present.
what
― Some guy (LocalGarda), Thursday, 16 April 2015 13:15 (nine years ago) link
the bendy yellow fruit (a banana)
This is the best one, but we all know exactly the context in which it was used.
― Matt DC, Thursday, 16 April 2015 13:31 (nine years ago) link
it's important to maintain the levity of your story about a walrus who plays the saxophone
― pissbaby nobody in the corner (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 16 April 2015 13:42 (nine years ago) link
so much lol in that style guide
love how the implied addressee is a very stupid child
― drash, Thursday, 16 April 2015 14:39 (nine years ago) link
inelegant variation should be as knowingly laboured as possible to preserve the gaiety of the nation
― nashwan, Thursday, 16 April 2015 15:06 (nine years ago) link
nicky wire in a bendy yellow fruit suit?
― mookieproof, Thursday, 16 April 2015 22:10 (nine years ago) link
Strong "...in the gutter" / Real England flavour to the comments on this Guardian piece:
http://www.theguardian.com/cities/2015/apr/29/manchester-trafford-park-world-first-industrial-estate-history-cities-50-buildings
Long grey rows of tenements
Playing marbles on the grates in the alleyways
The trainmen used to throw us food from the engine as they went past.
The park around the corner had a stuffed crocodile that we used to jump on and then run away scared.
Fogs so thick that we got lost going home from school despite it being just across the street.
The name of the local sweet shop was Coopers.
Esp. enjoy the contribution of Sperrin, always eager to jump in and correct people on the faulty detail of their memories of 1950s childhoods:
"there were no tenements" etc.
― that mustardless plate (Bill A), Thursday, 30 April 2015 07:58 (eight years ago) link
http://k-punk.org/abandon-hope-summer-is-coming/
― bureau belfast model (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 12 May 2015 12:23 (eight years ago) link
beyond self-parody
It’s Ed Sheeran and Rudimental rather than Rufige Kru.
guess he slept on that Goldie remix of the real red Ed
― nashwan, Tuesday, 12 May 2015 12:27 (eight years ago) link
supermarket check-out operatives replaced by crap robots… unexpected item in bagging area… every surface plastered with corporate graffiti and haranguing hashtags
― bureau belfast model (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 12 May 2015 12:31 (eight years ago) link
Everything seen through a downer haze… “Mostly you self-medicate” … comfort eating and bitter drinking …. What’s your poison?
an ellipsis between every four or five words... no full sentences... ground control to major tom... mcdonalds... that go compare ad... #bringbackourgirls ... tracksuits... smaller chocolate bars
― bureau belfast model (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 12 May 2015 12:33 (eight years ago) link
walk out of the house... "you can always go... downtown" - figure of speech... figure of eight... figure of fun... britain's got... talent put on an old vinyl - val doonigan... toilet still works... for now ... mcluhan ... microwave curry... please sir can i have some more
― bureau belfast model (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 12 May 2015 12:40 (eight years ago) link
i actually hadn't even read this bit before i wrote those:
Time for one more, Nigel?
Time, gentlemen, please ….
There is no time … Time is on your side (yes it is) …
― bureau belfast model (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 12 May 2015 12:43 (eight years ago) link
this is how it's done
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kG_RvGqG9VI
― an absolute feast of hardcore fanboy LOLs surrounding (imago), Tuesday, 12 May 2015 13:11 (eight years ago) link
also there's a new pre-new album out
― an absolute feast of hardcore fanboy LOLs surrounding (imago), Tuesday, 12 May 2015 13:12 (eight years ago) link
Time out...time waits for no mandate...timestretch...what the time dred?...how does my dog smell the time? dreadful!
― nashwan, Tuesday, 12 May 2015 13:18 (eight years ago) link
Just reading these in the 'Fitter, Happier' voice.
UKIP leaflets in a litter bin at Manningtree station, Essex, on Wednesday
― Matt DC, Tuesday, 12 May 2015 13:25 (eight years ago) link
At least in the pre-internet days when you were in youthful idiocy stage, on speed talking absolute nonsense or writing bad poetry there was no permanent record to come back and haunt you.
― xelab, Tuesday, 12 May 2015 14:32 (eight years ago) link
http://i.imgur.com/mlgq4gF.jpg
― tayto fan (Michael B), Thursday, 21 May 2015 17:52 (eight years ago) link
lol i was just thinking about this thread. some classic quotes imo.
― surm, Thursday, 21 May 2015 18:36 (eight years ago) link
McWilliams is the perfect nothing fuckwith to bookend the Celtic tiger.
― thoughts you made second posts about (darraghmac), Thursday, 21 May 2015 18:38 (eight years ago) link
He did alright for himself in its aftermath
― tayto fan (Michael B), Thursday, 21 May 2015 19:32 (eight years ago) link
yeah but I mean consider the validity of the measure
― thoughts you made second posts about (darraghmac), Thursday, 21 May 2015 20:22 (eight years ago) link
Society may be in the gutter but it used to be in the sewer
― ©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 21 May 2015 20:24 (eight years ago) link
Anyway, we're missing the point. What are we to do with this nationwide infestation of Bebo clones and boy-racers??
― tayto fan (Michael B), Thursday, 21 May 2015 20:30 (eight years ago) link
everywhere i look a 9-yr old has an ipad now. i don't even have an ipad. what's wrong with this picture.
― surm, Monday, 25 May 2015 04:02 (eight years ago) link
cyber children roam the streets, roided up on data
― bureau belfast model (LocalGarda), Monday, 25 May 2015 11:40 (eight years ago) link
smothered in their data cocoon, they forget the use of speech and mindmeld with their robot brethren through the furious click-clacking of computer keys
― tayto fan (Michael B), Monday, 25 May 2015 12:17 (eight years ago) link
this generation has long ago "swiped left" on morals and values
― bureau belfast model (LocalGarda), Monday, 25 May 2015 12:35 (eight years ago) link
gleefully dismantling society "piece by piece"? there's an "app" for that
― bureau belfast model (LocalGarda), Monday, 25 May 2015 12:36 (eight years ago) link
we "liked" things in my day too. we "liked" them. oh we "liked" them alright.
― bureau belfast model (LocalGarda), Monday, 25 May 2015 12:39 (eight years ago) link
you used to have to type a number on your smartphone, now you just pull a nasty face at a pensioner and it'll speed dial your whole gang
― an absolute feast of hardcore fanboy LOLs surrounding (imago), Monday, 25 May 2015 12:40 (eight years ago) link
i stuck my penis in the headphone jack of my smartphone the other day - not a policeman in sight. i did it again. nothing. i called them to tell them i'd done it - not their problem, not me guv.
― bureau belfast model (LocalGarda), Monday, 25 May 2015 12:46 (eight years ago) link
i can't figure out how to snap a chat for the life of me. i got one the other day and nearly had a seizure. when i was a kid, we could chat without the wonders of visual editing technology.
― surm, Monday, 25 May 2015 16:15 (eight years ago) link
I remember when a Yorkie could barely fit in your hand. 'Tis all downsizing and up-pricing these days....
― tayto fan (Michael B), Thursday, 28 May 2015 14:06 (eight years ago) link
Seriously though, smaller Yorkies are a fucking travesty
― tayto fan (Michael B), Thursday, 28 May 2015 14:18 (eight years ago) link
remember when lifesavers used to be hard?
― surm, Saturday, 30 May 2015 19:38 (eight years ago) link
My google search for "Bebo Clone" was dissappointing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoGTkOtSc18
― Sanpaku, Saturday, 30 May 2015 21:58 (eight years ago) link
http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/woman-poo-bm-bargains-southport-9436282
― mmmm, Tuesday, 16 June 2015 18:52 (eight years ago) link
taking a b.m. in b&m
― bizarro gazzara, Wednesday, 17 June 2015 11:37 (eight years ago) link
Fucking hell.
― Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 17 June 2015 12:10 (eight years ago) link
siitg Brazilian style
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CIvt4sEWoAEQiIN.jpg
― 2011’s flagrantly ceremonious rock-opera (Bananaman Begins), Tuesday, 30 June 2015 13:19 (eight years ago) link
"percussionista lesbica"?
― Number None, Tuesday, 30 June 2015 13:28 (eight years ago) link
needs more teeth
― rahrah avis (imago), Tuesday, 30 June 2015 13:32 (eight years ago) link
don't worry, Alan Titchmarsh is here to save us
TITCHMARSH'S MANIFESTO FOR BRITAIN: CELEBRITY GARDENER PLEDGES TO RESTORE COMMON SENSE TO PARLIAMENT1. Election campaigns to last one day - not five weeks.2. Anyone who throws litter out of a car will spend a week working at the local tip.3. Sell-by dates on food and antibacterial wipes will be abolished. Food lasts longer than you think and you need to build up your antibodies in the interests of not being a burden on the NHS.4. Poldark will be screened every Sunday evening throughout the year5. Wire coat-hangers will be banned6. If you chop down a tree you plant another five to replace it.7. All children will have lessons in nature and gardening from the ages of five through to 18.8. Tweeting is to be outlawed and a charge of £100 a year levied on those who feel the need to go on Facebook. Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3144377/Watch-Cameron-Alan-Titchmarsh-reveals-ambition-MP-calls-Poldark-screened-year-bans-sell-dates-Twitter.html#ixzz3eYWKZK15 Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
1. Election campaigns to last one day - not five weeks.
2. Anyone who throws litter out of a car will spend a week working at the local tip.
3. Sell-by dates on food and antibacterial wipes will be abolished. Food lasts longer than you think and you need to build up your antibodies in the interests of not being a burden on the NHS.
4. Poldark will be screened every Sunday evening throughout the year
5. Wire coat-hangers will be banned
6. If you chop down a tree you plant another five to replace it.
7. All children will have lessons in nature and gardening from the ages of five through to 18.
8. Tweeting is to be outlawed and a charge of £100 a year levied on those who feel the need to go on Facebook.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3144377/Watch-Cameron-Alan-Titchmarsh-reveals-ambition-MP-calls-Poldark-screened-year-bans-sell-dates-Twitter.html#ixzz3eYWKZK15 Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
― soref, Tuesday, 30 June 2015 14:31 (eight years ago) link
RIP DM twitter feed
― Keith Moom (Neil S), Tuesday, 30 June 2015 14:34 (eight years ago) link
remember when he lost his cool at cesar millan
― rahrah avis (imago), Tuesday, 30 June 2015 15:09 (eight years ago) link
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CLVVrSUWwAAk0G_.jpg
― Neil S, Saturday, 1 August 2015 17:57 (eight years ago) link
https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/11831812_10207695193121550_4184049604962623457_n.jpg?oh=0a09f537500f90c502f82bd594061b68&oe=565602B4
― Hector Ringtone (DJ Mencap), Monday, 3 August 2015 17:41 (eight years ago) link
CROSS-HATCHING OF THE 80'S
― Gorefest Frump (Doctor Casino), Monday, 3 August 2015 17:48 (eight years ago) link